Kazoo repair

Subject: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Genie
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 03:45 AM

I have a couple of kazoos which have come apart and lost the paper/plastic film that vibrates to make the sound. I've replaced it with various things, e.g., waxed paper, tissue paper, plastic, but I can't seem to find the 'fabric' that makes really good kazoo (loud) sound.

Also, I have one kazoo (my "Stradivarius") which just plain sounds better than any other kazoos I've tried. The question is, why? It's a simple metal kazoo that looks pretty much like other $5.00 kazoos.

Is there a particular material that is best to use for the vibrator part of a kazoo?

Also, to what extent can you change the timbre or tone of a kazoo by using different kinds of material for the body of the kazoo or for the vibrating film part?

Genie

PS,
This is not a joke thread. I really want the information and ideas.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 04:00 AM

Here's a Google Search that will give you some interesting information.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 04:09 AM

morning genie!

i had a kazoo many years ago.

the diaphragm seemed to be made of some sort of very close weave synthetic textile fabric, a bit like very thin shower curtain material.

i guess for the diaphragm to make a satisfactory noise, it'd have to be made of something very supple. have you tried that thin rubbery stuff that balloons are made of?

you know if a blown up balloon is deflated by stretching the neck with your fingers, it makes a very loud wailing, shrieking sound.

regards,

mr h

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Bert
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 04:16 AM

Onion skin writing paper.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 05:09 AM

In the good old days, the best stuff for kazoo membranes (and comb-and-paper papers) was the old-fashioned MSTW toilet paper, you know--the sort that used to have "Now wash your hands" printed on the bottom.

Steve

[What?? Oh, More Sliding Than Wiping]

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 09:40 AM

The new membrane needs to be pressed in hard so - find a roadworks with a heavy roller and place kazoo (with new paper inserted) in front of it.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: MudGuard
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 09:42 AM

I agree with Dave

MudGuard (survivor of the kazoo nightmare at Stony Stratford...)

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: breezy
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 10:20 AM

better still make sure the kazoo player is holding it in his mouth to get the correct pitch

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 12:18 PM

Of course once the repair is in place you will need to retune your kazoo. As we speak I am developing the prototype of an electronic kazoo tuner which should be in production by the end of Summer 2003. Advance orders can be placed through the PM system.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 12:30 PM

Try lightly oiled (3 in 1) onionskin paper.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 02:24 PM

While in college in the 70's we replaced the diaphragm in a kazoo with the aerator screen from a kitchen faucet. It didn't work very well for music any more, but we didn't care. (I would insert a smiley or something here, but I'm currently in emoticon detox.)

Bruce

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 02:40 PM

I thought that I had posted a suggestion earlier this afternoon, but I appear not to have, as it isn't here! Perhaps it was a dream?
I have used thin plastic sheeting from more tan one source, although they could be described as some form of plastic bag.
The requirements are that it is Thin, Flexible, but not too stretchy and Waterproof. One was a liner for a waste bin, which was thin and "crinkled" when handled. Another was from some form of "Sandwich Bag", but not the standard clear polythene, which stretches and does not vibrate in the same way as the plastics I have used.

By the way, watch out for Mrs.Duck's kazoo tuner. I seem to recall that the first prototype involved plugging the kazoo into a 240 volt mains electric socket!
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 06:40 PM

I remember when I was young that you could actually buy replacement
Kazoo inserts in my local music shop.
I can also remember being drunk on less than £1 .

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: CraigS
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 06:48 PM

Trust a banjo player to know what to do, Geoff! Greaseproof paper or baking parchment will both work (from specialist cake shops). Where's my melodeon ...?

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Oct 02 - 06:55 PM

Do the words "99 Cents" or "Trashcan" have any meaning to you people?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 02:28 PM

Spaw - NO! - What do they mean?
Quack!
Geoff

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 03:05 PM

I agree, Geoff. It's just the principle of the thing. If we throw away kazoos because they have broken diaphragms today, we'll be throwing away guitars and banjos and hammered dulcimers because they have broken strings tomorrow.

Errr.... On second thought, that's not a bad idea. Go ahead and throw them away. Just PM me your address and date of your next trash pickup before you do it.

Bruce

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 07:45 PM

Rice paper,lightweight drafter's vellum or "tracing paper". (or cheap cheezy wax paper that doesn't have much wax on it.)

More importantly, glue it to a thin washer to grip it tautly (recycle the one from the busted piece or spring for a nice new one). No paper will work if it has slack in it.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Sonnet
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 08:01 PM

May I suggest that you contact Mudcat member Selby, who as artistic co-ordinator of the Windy Bottom Kazoo Ensemble, as recently been on a care and maintenance course for the instrument, and will be able to share his expertise in this field with you. Please do not rush into any hasty home-spun repairs without consulting an authority on this understimatedinstrument.

JMcS (Music Librarian, Windy Bottom Kazoo Ensemble)

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: curmudgeon
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 08:24 PM

Duct tape?

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Pneumony
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 08:46 AM

Sorry but Who CARES????????????

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 09:27 AM

Well my "friends" have always advised me to use a 7lb lump hammer. I have to confess that this year I threw away my 20-year old Xmas cracker plastic kazoo as the membrane was punctured and invested in a batch of metal ones (one of which I gave away in Greece).
I know I should have sent the old one for recycling or auctioned it on E-Bay. I'm sorry and will do penance ( 3 choruses of "Sweet Sue").
RtS(still scrapin' and a-hummin')

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: reggie miles
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 09:42 AM

If you've ever heard someone do it right, and it sounds as though some of you have not, you'd be amazed at how this lowly instrument can transform. Early jug bands have included kazoo players. I have heard only a few folks today who could match their efforts but there are some out there doing just that and even surpassing what those earlier pioneers have accomplished. One outstanding example is a fellow who calls himself The Paper Horn Man, a street performer who works the Pike Place Market in Seattle. He only uses a rolled up piece of paper or sometimes a paper cup (like the body of a kazoo) as an amplifying chamber and does not rely on any reed or artificial vibrating membrane as with a kazoo. The sounds he produces are beyond what could be produced by the use of such a reed. The sounds he conjures within his mouth are simply outstanding. In some early examples by those jug bands I've heard kazoos emulating incredible horn lines in the same way that The Paper Horn Man does. I wish I had that same gift but alas I'm merely a hack on my kazoozaphone by comparison.

So for those of you who would balk at this tiny toy-like creation, I say, hold your tongue and do some research before you write it off. Don't dicount man's ingenuity to take even the most unlikely of his creations and turn it into something astounding and entertaining.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Pied Piper
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 11:13 AM

I couldn't find any accident ststistics for Kazoos but here are some health tips
http://www.dqydj.com/kazoo.htm .

          All the best PP.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Pied Piper
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 11:19 AM

And from the same page http://www.kazoobie.com/kazoo/custom.htm.
I like the choclate Kazoo; at least you can eat it.PP

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: selby
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 01:56 PM

As artistic co-ordinator of the WBKE, I can asure you that the best tissue to use as a repair medium, is from the Izal group of companies,as it is mildly disenfected it is also totaly hygenic ( as long as you remember to wash your hands )and should be safe for anyone to use your Kazoo, without risk of infection especially if you should have cold sores,herpes, oral thrush or just bad breath. To all kazoo players I can only reiterate the WBKE motto "if you can hum it we can play it"
Keith

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Genie
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 03:06 AM

Joe, thanks for the links. I especially liked that "Historical Perspective" article! *BG*
Pied Piper, that "Kazoo Health Tips" site is great, too! And the Worldwide Web Kazoo HQ, as well. (Do the chocolate kazoos produce smooth jazz sounds?)

Mr Happy, bert, Steve P, Barnacle, Geoff, Craig, GUEST, Sonnet, Selby, thanks to you all for your information and excellent suggestions for repairs.

(Steve P, that MSTW paper seems to be the kind they use in Italy and other parts of Europe.)

Wonderful (if irreverent) suggestions, Dave B., Mudguard, breezy, BWL, Mrs. Duck, curmudgeon, Roger! LOL

Leadfingers -- ah, yes, the good old days!


Spaw, Pneumony, Reggie is right. If you can't tell a 99¢ plastic kazoo from a really good (properly tuned) metal one that has the right membrane (and a skilled
player), then you've never really heard/ listened to "real kazoo music!" The cheap ones don't have the volume or pitch range, much less the timbre, of a good
quality one. Fixing a good one is far better than buying a cheap imitation! And even when you buy an expensive one (a whole $5.00), it may not sound as good
as another one did.

When I do a number like the full score of "Stars And Stripes Forever" on kazoo, it just doesn't work unless I have a kazoo that can produce a wide range of pitch
and will allow me to modulate the volume as well. (It's one of my most popular numbers for July 4th--especially when other kazoos join in, so I don't have to
do the piccolo and trumpet parts at the same time.)

Again, as to the respectability of the kazoo, as the WBKE motto says, "if you can hum it we can play it." (Just remember that some folks hum better than
others.)

Genie

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 03:48 AM

Selby, isn't that what I said?

In the UK we have a tradition going back before WWII of marching kazoo bands. These days they are mostly kids who dress in uniforms (lovingly made by their mums) and march up and down. Kids who can't actually play a ... conventional ... instrument. I can't decide whether that's a good thing or not! Trouble is, being kids and marching energetically, they don't have enough wind to sustain the notes, so each line of the tune is severely truncated. And their "arrangers" don't have much musical ability either, so there's no harmony or counterpoint, even with the well-known march tunes they tend to use. Imagine a brass band where every musician plays the melody! All that potential lying unused ...

Hmm ... do you think there's an opening for a serious Folk Music kazoo band?

Steve

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Sonnet
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 06:03 AM

Steve Parkes: There already exists a 'serious Folk Music kazoo band'.
Before you infer that Selby hasn't taken in what's gone before, make sure you yourself have done so, as I had already made reference to the Windy Bottom Kazoo Ensemble, of which both Selby and myself are committee members. i am pleased though, that you regard our venture with the respect it deserves. Possibly the reason you aren't familiar with our repertoire and following is a locational thing or not attending the same folk festivals. Good luck in your efforts to either join or form a kazoo band.

Regards,

Jay

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Genie
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 06:04 AM

Well, we could always have a "Mudcat Kazoo Gathering" somewhere!

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 11:32 AM

I would think mylar balloons, rather than rubber, might give a good kazoo tone? I see that there are experienced solutions above, but think it could still be worth tinkering around with.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Mark Clark
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 12:07 PM

I used to think the kazoo was just a toy until I heard Maria Muldaur's kazoo solos with Jim Kweskin. I'll listen to that sort of kazoo playing anytime.

Genie, have you considered switching from the kazoo to the throat trumnet a la Leon Redbone? He played this worthy instrument to great effect. It may help to have Joe Venuti backing you up.

      - Mark

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 12:34 PM

Genie said: If you can't tell a 99¢ plastic kazoo from a really good (properly tuned) metal one that has the right membrane (and a skilled player), then you've never really heard/ listened to "real kazoo music!"

Undoubtedly true....and thank gawd for small favors.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 12:42 PM

Now, hang on a second - I am still reeling from MudGuard's description of the "kazoo nightmare" at Stony Stratford! That was no nightmare! Why, LtS, Snuffy, Ella and me (who've I missed?) were on FINE form. How understated would the raffle have been without the incredible soaring accompaniment heralding the announcement of the prizewinners!?


Hmph! Sour grapes, I say! In fact, only this lunchtime I purchased a new metal kazoo for a dear friend of mine, who will be so grateful to receive it for his birthday next week. I'm sure when he told me "I've never heard anything like that before", little did he realise he'd soon have one of his own! If we can spread a little happiness through the sweet kazoo, then my life will not have been in vain.

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: selby
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 01:59 PM

Steve Parkes I apologise profusely if I repeated what you had already posted. As a member ( 4 members are already inputting into this thread )of the WBKE I was attempting to share my knowledge with those who are intrested, in what is a king amongst musical instruments. Does not the fact that you had already mentioned the said tissue put a gloss on the issue that both your method and the WBKE preferred method are the only way. I think it is important that we flush out the soft options and stick with the one that works best.Mrs Duck is swimming against the tide to achieve a fully portable self contained kazoo tuner and we should all wish her well with her endevours and hope that no one ruffles her feathers to stop this giant project
Keith
WBKE artistic co-ordinator

Subject: RE: Tech: Kazoo repair
From: Genie
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 10:17 PM

Mark, what is a "throat trumpet?"

Genie

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST,CBJames
Date: 05 Oct 02 - 12:08 AM

Genie

I apologize for the responses of my friends and colleagues above. The are well meaning and think they are witty, but few demonstrate the true understanding of the problem.

I comiserate because I too adore the instrument and have had cause over the years to nurse more than one kazoo back to - well if not full health , at least to serviceability.

My experience with the beast is that when replacing the diaphragm, you need to find the correct balance of looseness, razz and tension. The balance that will enable your hum to grow and express itself. This is a process of trial and (often much) error, resulting in the sort of quest you describe.

Try this.

Take some normal kitchen grade wax paper - about 5 cm square. Crumple it to oblivion and the straighten it out again in a more or less smooth sheet. Take the sheet and stuff it into the sound hole of the kazoo so that it is not taught but sinks below the rim by about the distance of a thumbprint. Then tighten up the collar and hum. If it does not resonate enough, slacken the collar and press it down a tiny bit more. If it doesn't resonate at all it might be too loose.

As noted in the many messages above there are all sort of materials which can be used. There are indeed pre-made kazoo diaphragms with cardboard collars.   Wax paper is my standard but I have used and had pleasing buzzes with saran wrap and even bond paper (the latter only when properly crumpled first)

Experiment. Find what works for you. The kazoo is a great instrument. It is perfect for solos in Big Band piece's like Benny Goodman's "Boodle-am Shake" and as a stand-in for Leon Redbone "Throat Tromnet" growls. Don't be swayed by peers who do not understand or love it as you do.

Hummingly,

James.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: motleyjust
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 09:51 PM

For a list of a lot of different things that can be used as diaphragms or membranes go here
http://kazoologist.org/membranes.html

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: EBarnacle
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:02 PM

The wonders of science never cease!

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Genie
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 12:01 AM

Thanks for all the suggestions, folks.

I really do think it's silly and wasteful to have to go out and buy a brand new metal or wooden kazoo every time a cheap little membrane gets perforated.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: PHJim
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 12:55 AM

I think I've bought replacement membranes through Elderly (though only when I had another order as well)
Here's another source: Replacement Kazoo Membranes

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Gurney
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 01:34 AM

Throw it away and buy a Hum-A-Zoo. Much easier to vamp.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: PHJim
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 08:46 PM

Isn't a Humazoo just a cheap plastic Kazoo that doesn't work as well as the standard metal kazoo.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Gurney
Date: 02 Feb 12 - 11:08 PM

PH, if you are going to use it in a mouth truss, go with the metal one, but the cheapish plastic Hum-A-Zoo is a more versatile instrument (well..) if you are holding it and vamping it.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: banjoman
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 05:58 AM

Bought a Kazoo as a present for one of my sons. It has an electronic pickup fitted and sounds great through the PA. Only problem is the name on the pickup -"Hum -Bucker -"
Unamplified Kazoos sound great if you use an empty pint beer glass as an amplifier

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 11:01 AM

Well, thank you PHJim.. my local music store where I bought ALL my kazoos & parts has taken to just carrying a few plastic ones. There used to be a little jar of the replacement membranes on the counter.

I have a couple of old kazoos that simply NEED the fix.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 03 Feb 12 - 11:15 AM

Years (centuries?) ago when the neighborhood kids had a brief interest in kazoos, we pretty much had to make our own from scratch. Materials were limited, but we found that ordinary kitchen waxed paper was satisfactory if you prepared it properly. You need something as flexible as possible, but the diaphragm shouldn't "damp" the vibrations, so to make the waxed paper work you needed to place it between a couple of pieces of "something absorbent" and run mama's flatiron over it, so that the excess wax got melted and sucked into the "something."

Today, you might use a paper towel for the "sucker" but back then we snuck one of maw's flour sack dish towels out (and carefully refolded it when we put it back, if we hadn't scorched it too badly - in which case we wadded it up and hid it way back under the back porch).

(Modern flatirons have thermostats. Bringing one to proper temperature on a kerosine stove required skill.)

The same rule would apply if you chose to "oil" a piece of parchment or vellum. After the oil is soaked in, hot-pressing it between absorbers to remove as much oil as possible likely will improve the performance.

Both the de-waxed wax paper or oiled vellum should be relatively resistant to absorbing moisture, which is a desirable property for kazoo diaphragms, one would think.

John

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 04 Feb 12 - 05:42 AM

I'm not sentimentally attached to any of mine. They're so cheap I just replace them when they go out of tune (*BG*). Friends have suggested I repair them by hitting them with a 7lb lump hammer- but they say that about my voice as well!

RtS

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Feb 12 - 02:33 PM

You need new friends, not new kazoos, Roger mate.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST,kyttie
Date: 13 May 12 - 12:22 AM

Thank you all for some of the finest, most enjoyable reading I've had in a long time! My husband just repaired my two sided, two-hole, rosewood & oak kazoo with some saran wrap! It sounds wonderful. I love this kazoo and would NEVER throw it away. It's about time for me to refinish the oak, though. I am a classically trained vocalist, a folk singer & guitarist, a song writer, and an all around old hippie kid who lived on the streets of Haight Ashbury in 1967, having no clue that I was homeless - only free, lol. I will be performing the chorus -on kazoo - of a really fine original song on June 3rd in Boulder, Colorado. I will be thinking of you all. P By the way, Geoff, the banjo is my favorite stringed instrument, although I've never been able to play one.
Blessings to all you wonderful folk!

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 12 - 01:18 AM

Having made several kazoos work that "wouldn't work," I agree first with CB James about the need to play around with the collar's tightness-- each membrane is a little different. The best I've seen have a superthin cardboard washer the membrane itself is stuck onto good and slick. Some size of Avery label dot should work to make that washer....

And yes Elderly has the replacement membranes. Some peeps calls 'em diaphragms but the idea that one might fail me in use scares me about the consequences-- I might pop out a banjo player-- so I try to always call it a membrane.

Hasn't anyone tried joint paper yet as a replacement? :~)

BTW never wash a kazoo. Just think pure thoughts toward it.

Also don't squish it between the teeth-- sides open up most alarmingly.

But do decorate it for best effect, like my sister girls at the Gaines Kitchen Band. No two alike. Mine is in a plastic clown cigar, or was last year. Hain't decided what the spring decor will be yet-- maybe a tulip cuz I am obviously a two-lip player.

~S~

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST,veronique
Date: 25 Jul 15 - 08:29 AM

Avec du papier à cigarette et une goutte d'huile d'amande douce, le kazoo a une membrane neuve. Merci pour vos conseils

    Véronique

Translation: "With cigarette paper and a sweet almond oil drop, the kazoo has a new membrane . Thank you for your advice" ---mudelf

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 07:02 PM

Si

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Joe Offer
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 02:40 AM

Well, I think the previous message is Spam, but it's sure nice to see this thread again. It even has a comment from the late, great Dave Bryant.
Rest in peace, Dave.
Joe

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 05:19 AM

Since this thread was aired I've added the beer glass "amplifier" to my repertoire, seems to go down well! Thanks for the tip, banjoman.
RtS

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Max
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 08:08 AM

Love this thread.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: GUEST,DTM
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 08:43 PM

I threw my Kazoo away because it would never stayed in tune.

Subject: RE: Kazoo repair
From: Joe Offer
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 09:16 PM

The kazoo is my instrument of choice, chiefly because it's the only one I can play credibly. 20 years as a Cub Scout leader gave me a lot of experience.
I us wax paper as replacement diaphragms, and it works just fine for me. Is that what you call the rattle-thingy, a diaphragm?