BS: The Queen Abdicates.

Subject: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 09:00 AM

Click Here

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 09:02 AM

Warning , the site i linked to contains swering, so if you dont like bad langwige, dont click on it.john

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 09:10 AM

If I remember correctly - she's driven forklifts before...

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 09:16 AM

Sorry but that link is out of date. The Queen was fired from the job at the lumber/construction yard because she refused to move lumber and would only move skids loaded with cement mix. In terminating her employment, Ralph Frazzle, the owner, said, "That bitch! She ain't nothin' but a mortar forker."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Troll
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 09:53 AM

I heard she's about to take a job testing the "spring" in wine corks by hitting them smartly with a small billy club. I think the job title is "Cork Socker".

troll

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 02:01 PM

I should have known it would come to this, but I keep underestimating the perverse and moronic depths to which human beings can sink. I see that digital technology has permitted the creation of faked photographs of our Sovereign driving a utility vehicle. Disgusting! You people should not contribute to this sort of disrespectful rubbish by launching threads about it. And the language!

This is the very nadir of human culture. If I did not have faith sufficient to endure such vile stuff and maintain my equilibrium regardless, I would think we were on the verge of the final apocalypse in this deteriorating society.

Hands off the Queen, I say! She is not fair game.

Ms Penelope Rutledge

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Nov 02 - 02:09 PM

I once had a tee-shirt with multi-colored lettering that said:

Modal Folker

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 17 Nov 02 - 04:53 AM

penelope rutledge-you are always complaning and moan too much, i bet your husband spends all day in the garage making things out of wood to keep away from your nagging.And you neber talk about music, you just like to complaining, and you was warned it was bad language in that site so dont complane about it.this is my opinonion.john

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: The Pooka
Date: 17 Nov 02 - 08:24 AM

"Balls", indeed. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 18 Nov 02 - 06:51 AM

I rather thought that Ms Penelope Rutledge was a maiden lady. Would the low-born, but worthy Oakley be sniffing her knickers if she were married ?

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 18 Nov 02 - 01:17 PM

Well, John from Hull, I must inform you that I am NOT married, and if you were the LAST man left living on Earth, I fear that it would simply have to remain that way...

Get a spelling instructor, for heaven's sake! Or partake less of intoxicants. I don't believe your silly Punch the Horse band even exists, so don't lecture me about music.

Ms Penelope Rutledge

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 18 Nov 02 - 02:52 PM

Ms Rutledge-I am not surprised you are not married because you moan to much, and Punch the Horse is not my band anyway, it is Mick9Ossonflags, Oakley and Deenmisters band, i just go to listen to them and the do exist and you can see their pictures 9look at the member photos , in the quick links and click on oakley, and you can see them in hull on Friday), so get youre facts right and stop moaning.john

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 18 Nov 02 - 03:36 PM

Goodness gracious! I never expected to say this, but I am in your debt, John from Hull. Why did I not think to look in the Quicklinks before?

I must say that Oakley is a fine figure of a man, well groomed, not what I had expected at all, and he plays the violin! Well, perhaps I will get out to Hull one of these days and see Punch the Horse after all.

This only goes to show that one should not jump to hasty conclusions, but reserve judgement and take one's time in deciding the relative merits of this or that.

By the way, I must tell you that Malcom Buggeroll, the "poet of the Highlands", is an absolute beast of a man, and a fraud. Do not believe the false propaganda being spread about the supposed literary "genius" of this licentious, kilted libertine, and do NOT waste your money on his outrageously overpriced doggerel, which masquerades as poetry. Ha! As one who was briefly taken in by his undeserved reputation for brilliance, I intend to warn others in advance if I can.

Gratefully,

Ms Penelope Rutledge

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Nov 02 - 03:13 PM

She got a job at the local green-grocers. The first time in a long while that the Queen's Peach was that popular.

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 19 Nov 02 - 08:39 PM

Penelope alleges that the picture is a fake. It is not a fake.

Some time ago, three years, perhaps, there was a fire at Buckingham Palace. Well, we all know how it goes. The Queen announces at dinner that the palace needs work and asks for some help. Everyone grunts an assent and keeps on eating.

Then the day comes to get some work done. Prince Philip buries himself in a book and radiates "do not disturb" vibes. Prince Charles goes out for cigarettes and never comes back. Princess Anne whines that she has to get her hair done. Prince Andrew closets himself in his room, where he starts some particularly delicate work on model airplanes. Prince Edward (there is a Prince Edward, isn't there?) suddenly remembers some books that MUST go back to the library. Finally, the young grandprinces realize that they have important tests to study for.

Now, three years later, we see Her Majesty at the controls of the forklift, not yet confident of her skills, yet very determined. If her street is like my street, there is a bevy of female friends aged 35-50 up on the roof, waiting to receive the roofing materials draped across the fork.

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: GUEST,Gobsmacked
Date: 19 Nov 02 - 11:27 PM

This may shed some light on the matter of Malcolm Buggeroll...

This from the arts column of the Twillingsgate Herald on Monday, Nov 4, 2002, morning edition...

MALCOLM BUGGEROLL SIGNS BOOKS AT VICAR'S INN

The highly esteemed "Poet of the Highlands", Malcolm Buggeroll was on hand at the Vicar's Inn this past Sunday afternoon for a signing of his latest edition of poems and essays "The Monkey's Breakfast - an exploration of British mores on the family farm". Mr Buggeroll arrived at 2 O'Clock sharp and was immediately surrounded by a crowd of adoring fans, among whom were seen such luminaries as Herbert Cadwell-Snyfferton, Lord and Lady Pertinstone, and Ms Penelope Rutledge, clad in a fetching sky blue gown that suggested the Napoleonic era to me, sans the lowcut bodice, of course! Alas! for the mensfolk...but I digress.

Mr Buggeroll proceeded to read from his new book to the enraptured audience, regaling them with piquant passages from his most pertinent prose. Short poems such as "Fluffy's Dilemma" were read in their entirety, and bore a whole new quality for those accustomed only to reading Mr Buggeroll's works in the privacy of their drawing room or veranda.

In short, Mr Buggeroll has an oratorical style which somehow combines the rough-hewn edges of the bucolic life with the sophisiticated wit and satire known only to the upper echelons of country society.

Following the readings, Mr Buggeroll engaged in a lengthy ad hoc lecture which introduced some quite unexpected topics, such as his lifelong love of farm animals, labourers, and schoolchildren.

"What is your favourite animal?" I inquired of him.

"I love ALL animals!" he answered, "...but SHEEP...I ADORE sheep. They are so wooly, innocent, and obliging. And they are trusting. No sheep ever thinks ill of someone approaching from behind, and this is a trait found only in the pure of heart, I think. If more people were sheep-like in their character, this would be a far more loving world."

At this point there was a disturbance, Winston Wellington-Jones having broken out in a serious coughing fit. He became quite red-faced, and had to be escorted to the lavatory. Fortunately he came to no harm, but could be seen sometime afterward laughing uproariously at some joke with his friends on the patio outside. I thought it to be rather inconsiderate of them, but Buggeroll, being the Great Man he is, paid them no mind.

At the conclusion of what was really a quite splendid afternoon, Ms Rutledge was asked to read a dedication to Mr Buggeroll on behalf of all Twillingsgate. The sum and substance of it was that the Vicar's Inn had decided to rename its finest guest rooms in Mr Buggeroll's honour.

To quote Ms Rutledge..."From this day forward these lodgings will be known as 'Suite Buggeroll'...and...and..." (Ms Rutledge appeared momentarily confused) "And, dear friends, here over the door is the embossed plaque which bears those very words and which shall forever commemorate this suite as...well, as I said before...and, well, I...thank you one and all!"

At this point there was a positive shriek of laughter from the patio, indicating that Mr Wellington-Jones and his compadres had probably imbibed just a wee bit too much champagne. They got cross looks from both Ms Rutledge, who appeared quite flushed, and Mr Buggeroll himself, but their faux pas was soon forgotten in the delicious dinner that followed...a tour de force by the kitchen staff of the Vicar's Inn. Even haggis was served, but only Mr Buggeroll partook of it as far as I could see.

I can safely say that a splendid time was had by all, with the possible exception of Ms Rutledge who appeared to have taken slightly ill, and excused herself early. Wellington-Jones and his riotous friends fortunately departed early as well, to the bar, where I am told they remained until closing time.

Malcom Buggeroll will be signing his book this coming Thursday at the Book Cellar in Twillingsgate, and all lovers of British literature are encouraged to sieze the chance to obtain a signed First Edition of "The Monkey's Breakfast", hot off the press, as it were...a mere 85 Pounds, and a bargain at the price.

- Constancia Cooper, Twillingsgate Herald

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: Alio
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 04:40 AM

I'm with penelope - leave the Queen alone! I felt so sorry for her when she was crying in public. This is supposed to her year, and it's been dreadful for her. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Queen Abdicates.
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 20 Nov 02 - 12:02 PM

Gobsmacked, it is my earnest hope that Constancia Cooper will be shipwrecked and marooned on a desert island for a year or so...with no one to keep her company but Malcolm Buggeroll. It would serve both of them right. Please do not remind me again about that dreadful evening.

I have tried, in vain, to get the Vicar's Inn to remove the plaque. They are completely clueless.

Hear, hear, Alio!

Ms Penelope Rutledge