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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

khandu 05 May 03 - 08:31 PM
CarolC 05 May 03 - 08:36 PM
Allan C. 05 May 03 - 08:41 PM
Allan C. 05 May 03 - 08:51 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 08:52 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 08:54 PM
CarolC 05 May 03 - 08:55 PM
GUEST, heric 05 May 03 - 08:56 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 09:00 PM
Allan C. 05 May 03 - 09:02 PM
Bobert 05 May 03 - 09:07 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 09:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 May 03 - 09:26 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 09:27 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 09:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 May 03 - 09:49 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 09:52 PM
Ebbie 05 May 03 - 09:56 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:02 PM
Bobert 05 May 03 - 10:09 PM
michaelr 05 May 03 - 10:15 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:22 PM
artbrooks 05 May 03 - 10:32 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:34 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:37 PM
artbrooks 05 May 03 - 10:38 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 10:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 May 03 - 10:48 PM
CarolC 05 May 03 - 11:00 PM
khandu 05 May 03 - 11:05 PM
Little Hawk 05 May 03 - 11:19 PM
catspaw49 05 May 03 - 11:29 PM
Little Hawk 05 May 03 - 11:41 PM
CarolC 05 May 03 - 11:50 PM
Tweed 06 May 03 - 12:05 AM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 12:11 AM
open mike 06 May 03 - 12:29 AM
Joe Offer 06 May 03 - 12:30 AM
Ebbie 06 May 03 - 12:58 AM
Allan C. 06 May 03 - 02:35 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 03 - 02:46 AM
Mark Cohen 06 May 03 - 03:29 AM
Morticia 06 May 03 - 06:12 AM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 10:37 AM
MMario 06 May 03 - 10:53 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 03 - 01:37 PM
Little Hawk 06 May 03 - 03:10 PM
CarolC 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM
Morticia 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM
Allan C. 06 May 03 - 04:23 PM
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Subject: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:31 PM

Another brainstorm of mine, inspired by Tweed, Spaw, Carol the Sailor and their ilk.

We can save time which we spend searching through all the BS threads very easily. Henceforth, post all BS here in this thread. Soon there will be only one BS thread. We won't have to look for particular threads as this will be the only one and it will contain all the BS we have to offer.

My Gawd!! Why has this not been thought of earlier? It is so obvious!

I swear, sometimes I even amaze myself!

Once again, for those of you who are slow in understanding...hear me, Tweed! Post all BS in this thread from now on!

Pene Azul and Joe Offer will thank me for making their job so much easier! My fellow 'Catters will also thank me when they realize the time my idea will save them! Maybe this will finally get me the coveted "Time/Life Man of the Year"!!

I swear, sometimes I even blow my own mind!!

King khandu
Thank you, khandu. I worship at your feet.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:36 PM

Aaaackkk!!! Gag!!!

Geeze khandu! Can you lighten up a bit with the Glade Country Garden air freshener shit? I can hardly breathe on this thread!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:41 PM

Not to burst your bubble, Khandu, but this has been tried before with such things as birthdays, welcome-to-new-members, remarks from trolls, and a few others - always with rapidly diminishing results.

Just how big was that bubble anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:51 PM

Now that I think of it, this thread is every bit as viable as one that would serve as a repository for all those who share half-remembered bits of some song that might have been about frogs...or maybe it was goobers...anyway, it was sung in a now defunct club that once stood on the corner of Walk and Don't Walk, by a woman/man who might have later been a member of The Oriskany Troopers...or was it The Downtown Chile Stompers...anyway... it was a great song and I wish I could remember more...he/she was a hell of a marimba player...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:52 PM

Edison, Pastuer, Whitney, Bell, even Harry Lee Wigley had their detractors. I feel priveleged to be included in this roster of Great Men who had Great Ideas! ("Man of the Year", here I come!)

Carol the Strange one, the Glade was sprayed in the Spaw's birthday thread...where is was greatly needed!!!!!

khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:54 PM

That's right!, Allan C (are you kin to Carol and Kim C?) I knew that it would dawn on you! You are warming right up to the idea rather nicely!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:55 PM

Well, I think you brought a whole bunch of it into this thread on your clothes. Man that's some bad stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, heric
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:56 PM

I object that the brown-shirt management of this site allows, unmolested, this implicit but unmistakable bashing of the transgenderedly challenged. They are NOT all marimba players as you well know and I will not stand idly by while . . . I QUIT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:00 PM

Uh...what the hell did heric just say???

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:02 PM

That is a common error, khandu. If you look carefully, you'll notice that Carol is of the clan that puts the C immediately after her name with no space or period. Kim does make use of the space but puts no period after her C and so is possibly a distant cousin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:07 PM

Yo khanny,

I love ya, brother, and in taht I would like you to do me a favor. Walk down to the bathroom, open the nedicine cabinet, lokk fir the bottle that says "Khanny, take twice a day" and take one tonight and leave the bottle out where you can find it in the morning....

What, are you nuts? Ahhh, strike that question. I mean there's more to BS than actual bull excretions. There are as many excretions as there are animals, people included. This ain't quite like Spiro Agnew's accute observation when he said "Ahhhh, seen one redwood and you've seen 'em all", is it?

Take the danged pill, Khanny! Take the pill....

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:18 PM

Hell, I am in a tornado! (really!) The danged whistles are blowing everywhere, all my neighbors are in my house (We live on a bottom floor), and the dog, Tinker, is howling at the sirens. This is an interesting evening!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:26 PM

Damn, Ken! Been lickin' toads again, ain'tcha?

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:27 PM

Well, the sirens have stopped, the dog is quiet and I chased the neighbors away, so things have calmed a bit.

Bobertz, the bottle says twice daily, but it did not say to take it everyday. I thought it meant to take it twice the day I got it.

Are you sure you are right. I mean, this stuff may be fatal if I take more than I should.

It also says "keep away from children". Why, do they think I am one of them child molesters? The kids will get their feelings hurt if I start avoiding them.

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:29 PM

Hey bee-dubya! How did you know? You been smelling my breath?

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:49 PM

Bufotenine and related 5-hydroxy-indolethylamines are common constituents of venoms of the genera Hyla, Leptodactylus, Rana and Bufo. Bufotenine is not psychedelic in reasonable doses (with larger doses there are dangerous physiological side effects), but the skin of one species, Bufo alvarius, contains 50-160 mg 5-MeO-DMT/g of skin (Daly & Witkop 1971). It's the only Bufo species known to contain a hallucinogenic tryptamine (McKenna & Towers 1984). Most (1984) gives instructions for collecting and drying the venom:

Fresh venom can easily be collected without harm to the toad. Use a flat glass plate or any other smooth, nonporous surface at least 12-inches square. Hold the toad in front of the plate, which is fixed in a vertical position. In this manner, the venom can be collected on the glass plate, free of dirt and liquid released when the toad is handled. When you are ready to begin, hold the toad firmly with one hand and, with the thumb and forefinger of your other hand, squeeze near the base of the gland until the venom squirts out of the pores and onto the glass plate. Use this method to systematically collect the venom from each of the toad's granular glands: those on the forearm, those on the tibia and femur of the hind leg, and, of course, the parotoids on the neck. Each gland can be squeezed a second time for an additional yield of venom if you allow the toad a one-hour rest period. After this the glands are empty and require four to to six weeks for regeneration. The venom is viscous and milky-white in color when first squeezed from the glands. It begins to dry within minutes and acquires the color and texture of rubber cement. Scrape the venom from the glass plate, dry it thoroughly, and store it in an airtight container until you are ready to smoke it.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:52 PM

See there!! Ole bee-dubya-ell is getting into the spirit of this thread! That's what we need...more people like him! He is pouring the BS into this thread like he should! What a guy!

Come on, folks! Are you gonna let a Floridian beat you????

(I can see it now! "Man of the Year-King khandu of Mississippi"!)

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 May 03 - 09:56 PM

Bobert, I think that was not Agnew but our illustrious Ronald Reagan- and I thought it couldn't get any worse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:02 PM

Actually, Ebbie and Bobertz, the quote was first spoken by the great Harry Lee Wigley...Agnew, Reagan and Mickey Rooney stole it.

I am glad to help straighten out this misunderstanding.

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:09 PM

Well, it don't matter if it was Spiro T. or Kenny G. Fact of the matter is that Donnie Rumseld topped 'em all with his "Henny Penny" speech in which he said, and I quote, "Seen one vase an' you seen 'em all!"

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: michaelr
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:15 PM

You're supposed to smoke it? Dang... here I've been snorting it all these years...

Cheers,
Michael


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:22 PM

NONONO! Bobertz! Kenny G said "That khandu! What a brilliant fellow he is!" The reason I remember him saying that is because it is the only decent sound the fellow ever produced! Incidentally, the "vase" quote, which Rumsfield used, was also originally coined by Harry Lee Wigley.

michaelr...snort 'em, smoke 'em, lick 'em...it all has the same wonderously grand effect!

Keep 'em comin' boys and girls...after all this is

I<>THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!!!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:32 PM

And besides, everybody here is some kinda wierdo...give me Starbucks and my SUV any day. Wait! This is the 20th response, unless some SOB sneaks in ahead of me, and nobody has said anything hateful or rude yet!!! This is my chance...I hate everybody who hates anybody else or is rude to them just for being what they are or for saying things about somebody else that doesn't agree with the opinions of the party of the first part! Does that cover it? If not, the hell with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:34 PM

artbrooks...I disagree.

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:37 PM

However artbrooks...I love it when someone who has not posted to a thread begins his first post with "And besides"! That shows a certain type of...class!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: artbrooks
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:38 PM

khandu...you are certainly entitled to your own opinion, regardless of the lack of value it may have when compared to life, the universe and everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:40 PM

Life is imagination.
The universe is smaller than imagination.
Everything else is just cheap whiskey!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 03 - 10:48 PM

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (Just in case somebody's actually dumb enough to try it)

Actually, smoking is the only safe way to do toad venom. The psycoactive ingredient is 5-MeO-DMT not Bufotenine. Bufotenine is just plain poisonous. When smoking the dried venom, the Bufotenine is burned away but the 5-MeO-DMT is not. The high is supposedly very intense but very short-lived (5 minutes).

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:00 PM

I think this thread should be re-named "The Toad Milking Thread", and be moved to the top of the Forum Home Page with the other music and folklore threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:05 PM

Carol C....go play the accordian! This is MY thread! It is where I want it to be! IT STAYS HERE AND IT SHALL REMAIN:
THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!!!

What's that??? The Polka Circus is calling...they have run out of "can't carry a tune accordianists"...they want you to return posthaste!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:19 PM

Yes! The MOTHER of ALL BS threads!!! I love the idea.

Khandu, I am glad you have drawn attention to the absolutely outrageous treatment accorded to the legendary Harry Lee Wigley by low-minded, prejudiced know-nothings; by scummy, impertinent, opinionated fools; by incontinent, lecherous poseurs; by people like Clinton Hammond...

Harry Lee Wigley's greatness is something I never tire of recognizing and acclaiming.

And now, may I say just two words? Two little words that can change an empty life and fill it with meaning. Two simple little words that anyone can say, but oh how powerful they are...


(drum roll....)


* * * William Shitner!!! * * *

Nothing more really needs to be said after that...but I'm sure something will be.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:29 PM

Khandu, the essence of BS is to leave a foul essence and so far this thread is really a winnerin that department!

I would listen to Allan C however as no one has more experience on BS even if by accident as he once started a BS thread about killing the thread which no one would kill of course and it went on ad infinitum. A remainder of it still exists but it's once glorious times of damn near 500 posts have been halved and shut down for good.

You might also want to talk with Art Thieme who, in a moment of passion and digust with the crop of threads that was running at the time, dared to ask, What Brand of Condoms Do Mudcatters Use? Several hundred posts later, and unwilling to die, the thread marched on while poor Art checked in at the NYCFFTS.

And Hawk....Don't even start with Billy-Boy......

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:41 PM

I must be delirious. I actually typed "Shitner" when I meant to type Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:50 PM

they want you to return posthaste!

Ooohhhhhh!!! Posthaste! Oooohhhh, aren't we special! We can use fancy words like posthaste! Well, you should see the fancy words Little Hawk can use when he wants to. Check this one out; "calumny". Yup. That's one of his favorites. That, and pusillanimous. He even started a whole thread for just that one word, pusillanimous. Top that why don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:05 AM

GOD...the BS!! It flows like gray water...it oozeth from the pores of Mudcat like Bufo juice...It responds to probing like a Polka Band on acid...
Khandu, you sick fiend what have you done? This is like a black hole sucking BS from all over the galaxy into it.

Something should be done...the Renegade Lunatic must be stopped...the BS just keeps pouring in....awful,awful...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:11 AM

A Polka Band on acid? Christ! That's a numbing thought.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: open mike
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:29 AM

ah ha-- grey water-i just cleaned the
lint trap on my washing machine
the grey water does not always flow!
(it was stopped up)I was elbow deep
in the greyest water i ever saw..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:30 AM

Yeah, but how do you pronounce "pusillanimous"?
Inquiring minds want to know.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 May 03 - 12:58 AM

I don't like to reprimand any one, least of all khandu, but I do think he shouldn't be called 'Harry Lee Wigley'. He is Mister Wigley. Unless perhaps you know him personally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 03 - 02:35 AM

The "Polka Band on Acid" sorta reminds me of a good friend's vision of hell. He pictured being put in a locked room with nothing more than an 8-track player and a stack of Wayne Newton tapes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 03 - 02:46 AM

Pore King Khandu has khum undone
"Not lots of threads! We'll have just one!"
He prokhlaims from his royal throne
"Yes! Just this one! This one alone!"

And all his subjects are amazed
And thinkh The King a little khrazed.
"Where does The King khum by his wit?
Where does he get such khrazy shit!"

"Does it khum from living in Tupelo,
Where okhra, khotten and khorn do grow?
Or does he just inspire his mind
With two-dollar-fifty-a-litre wine?"

"Perhaps he visits large khow herds
And pikhs fungi growin' on khow turds.
Or does he smokhe the Ganja bong
Half of the day and all night long?"

"We are not sure what it khan be
That makhes our King so damned skhrewy.
We only khnow with him our lord
We'll be khonfused... We won't be bored!"
   
Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 06 May 03 - 03:29 AM

LH, you disappoint me. Here you had just managed to achieve a true Transcendent Mudcat Moment by posting a glorious golden droplet of quintessential karmic truth...and then you went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like "a typo!" (apologies to Nancy Sinatra fans--both of you).

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Morticia
Date: 06 May 03 - 06:12 AM

Can we get back to the meds issue? Your Highness ( just how high is he,anyway?)....I went out and did a quick poll and your subjects said, to a man, woman and toad "Take the meds.....do it now.....and keep your hands in clear sight at all times".

Yanno, my Great Uncle Entwhistle got just like this before we had to put him a home for the Terminally Bewildered.....sad,isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:37 AM

Well, yeah, I can see your point, Mark. It was a pretty transcendent moment, wasn't it? I could hardly believe it when I opened the thread and saw it. Amazing how these things just seem to fall in place, regardless of our well-laid plans. :-)

(You see, what worries me is that I might get in trouble with the Board of the WSSBA, for dissing Shatner. You may be aware that Spaw is persona non grata there for having done so repeatedly.)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 May 03 - 10:53 AM

Hey! How come Carol the Sailor, spaw and Tweed get to have an ilk? Favouritism? And do they each have their own ilk or do they have to share? A least if they share it's not quite as bad, but if they each have their own ilk then I'm really upset.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 03 - 01:37 PM

Hey! Be sure to check out my new BS song HERE!

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 03 - 03:10 PM

I don't mind Spaw's ilk as long as I don't have to clean it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM

I don't know, MMario. I think you're probably of our "ilk" also. khandu probably didn't include you because he couldn't remember how to spell your name. I think LH is one of us too, but khandu is jealous of him because LH knows more fancy words than he does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Morticia
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:08 PM

Spaw's ilk??? What's the matter with him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C.
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:23 PM

The word I had was that 'Spaw had been stricken with pusillanimous; but reports are not from reliable sources.


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