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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 27 Aug 15 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 15 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 15 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 15 - 09:58 AM
Vashta Nerada 26 Aug 15 - 09:31 AM
MartinRyan 26 Aug 15 - 06:11 AM
GUEST,Eamonn ORiardonn, Garda, Sergeant, Ennis Bar 25 Aug 15 - 11:06 PM
Acme 25 Aug 15 - 09:57 PM
gnu 25 Aug 15 - 08:01 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 15 - 12:31 PM
GUEST,naive 25 Aug 15 - 01:43 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 15 - 10:40 PM
Acme 24 Aug 15 - 09:40 PM
gnu 24 Aug 15 - 08:24 PM
gnu 24 Aug 15 - 08:21 PM
gnu 24 Aug 15 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 15 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 15 - 10:20 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 15 - 11:00 AM
gnu 23 Aug 15 - 08:12 AM
GUEST,Señor Rapparee 22 Aug 15 - 06:43 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 22 Aug 15 - 05:19 PM
gnu 22 Aug 15 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 15 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 15 - 08:59 PM
gnu 21 Aug 15 - 04:00 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 15 - 08:58 AM
Rapparee 20 Aug 15 - 10:33 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 15 - 07:55 AM
Acme 20 Aug 15 - 12:43 AM
Amos 19 Aug 15 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 15 - 09:55 PM
Amos 19 Aug 15 - 08:54 PM
gnu 19 Aug 15 - 07:50 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 15 - 06:23 PM
Amos 19 Aug 15 - 12:46 PM
gnu 19 Aug 15 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 15 - 09:55 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 18 Aug 15 - 11:51 PM
GUEST,Mr. R. 18 Aug 15 - 09:48 PM
Amos 18 Aug 15 - 07:28 PM
Ebbie 18 Aug 15 - 03:21 AM
GUEST,Herman Abel, Deutsches Polizei 18 Aug 15 - 03:11 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Aug 15 - 11:16 PM
gnu 17 Aug 15 - 10:48 PM
Amos 17 Aug 15 - 09:45 PM
gnu 17 Aug 15 - 05:06 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 15 - 04:12 PM
Amos 17 Aug 15 - 03:36 PM
gnu 17 Aug 15 - 08:00 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 15 - 10:47 AM

Kicks Hrans? He's in imminent danger!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 15 - 09:12 PM

Now, at last, it can be told.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 15 - 07:52 PM

He also bad-mouths and kicks bodhrans. Says that they shouldn't be allowed to propagate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 15 - 09:58 AM

He's a mean one, he is. You'd best put a 24 hour watch on him, and don't let him have ANYTHING. If you give him so much as a tooth brush you'd best could the bristles when he finishes using it. Once he turned a slice of bread into a piece of burning toast using nothing more than his own intelligence to guide him! I personally have seen him turn a perfectly good G7 chord into a thing of absolute terror! Keep him locked up and do body cavity searches every hour -- he's a tricky once, he is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Vashta Nerada
Date: 26 Aug 15 - 09:31 AM

That figures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MartinRyan
Date: 26 Aug 15 - 06:11 AM

Ennis? Keep that Amos guy well locked up! I told him to turn right when he left Killinure Point on Lough Ree (I was afraid to say "head North" for fear of confusion...). He obviously turned left!

Regards


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eamonn ORiardonn, Garda, Sergeant, Ennis Bar
Date: 25 Aug 15 - 11:06 PM

We have in charge an "Amos" who provided only this as his address. He has no passport. If anyone knows him please contact us as quickly as possible. He was taken up for being extraordinarily drunk, molesting a bean sidhe, contributing to an IRA, and singing out of tune.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 15 - 09:57 PM

I enjoy reading about this stuff, but maybe you should put in an appearance in the declutter threads - there is lots of stuff other than just clearing out the house that gets discussed there.

Has Amos turned up anywhere yet? I see a three-day-old post on facebook. Pretty buildings and views. And a tavern. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 15 - 08:01 PM

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I lied." "Why did you lie, my son?" "I was asked a question and, if I told the truth, it would have curtailed me helping the person that asked me the question." "So, you lied to help this person?" "Yes, Father." "Fuckin great job, my son!"

At least, that's how I would imagine it should go.

I used to post about trying to do three good deeds a day. For over a week, I have had a hard time just standing up so the 3-a-day stuff is toast fer now. I can walk at times but I have to walk... I cannot walk slowly and that's how Mum walks, at a crawl, and with frequent stops. It's excruciating pain. Today, while walking Mum around Sobeys, an obviously "distressed" woman was babbling about egg rolls. I asked if I could help. GODSEND! I asked Mum if it was okay for me to leave her and show the woman where the egg rolls were and she agreed. That meant that I could actually walk at a reasonable pace AND do a good deed. Made my day.

Plus, I wrote another great short story outline and advanced a discussion about the Unfair Elections Act in Canada with my keen insight. All in all, not a bad day.

I assume that the above really doesn't contribute to the MOAB in any substantial manner but neither does the ******, IMO.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 15 - 12:31 PM

We have magpies around here, but no nightingales. Hawks, eagles, kestrels, buzzards, but no sparrow hawks. Why would someone eat a nightingale anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,naive
Date: 25 Aug 15 - 01:43 AM

A Sparrow-Hawk

"A sparhawk proud did hold in wicked jail

Music's sweet chorister, the Nightingale;

To whom with sighs she said:

"O set me free,

And in my song I'll praise no bird but thee."

The Hawk replied:

"I will not lose my diet

To let a thousand such enjoy their quiet."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 15 - 10:40 PM

Yes. I thought the tesseract as a fourth floor was a nice touch. I also enjoyed the trapdoor that dumped you into Squiddy's pool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 15 - 09:40 PM

Remember a few years ago when Amos went on vacation and a bunch of us redecorated his house?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 15 - 08:24 PM

Buddy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 15 - 08:21 PM

I just wrote a great short story. Sex, comedy, angst, adversity, moral fortitude... the works in about two pages. I wish I could share it. But, it's personal and will only appear after I check out... leave the building... take the big dirt nap... buy the farm... win the lottery...

Actually, if I win the lottery, I will buy a farm. I'll plant Bodhrán's and ship them to Idaho to drive Rap mad. MAD I SAY! HAHAHHAHAHAAA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 15 - 05:39 PM

One does not learn the Hran. One learns the music and applies innate skills and abilities to enhance and, at times, lead the pieces and songs being played. It's akin to one's heartbeat being manipulated by one's mind to produce a joy in one's spirit and share it with all. Of course, the fucker's that just bang a drum incessantly and loudly and think they are contributing ruin it for those who can actually play it.

Séan McCann can play. Ditto.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 15 - 09:00 AM

Mom?
Mom?
MOM?
MOM!!
MOM!!!!!

Coffee's ready. And no, no word from The Wandering Amos. I think the Irish fish ate him -- he was a good cat, but out of plaice. Oh, who do I think I'm squiddin'? Amos has been kidnapped by Poltroons and is being radicalized and forced learn the bodhram!! Okay, I'll get my hat and tippet to someone who once could play the guitar okay, albeit with difficulty, but could never play the trumpet (God's Own Instrument).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 15 - 10:20 PM

And once again I find poor old Mom at the bottom. Hobbling along, supporting herself with a broken cane, one foot in the gutter to that the cane would be long enough, holding her old bonnet out for spare change from passers-by, the hems of her skirts dirty with the debris of the streets, her poor old feet ill-shod....

It was well I found her, for she was about to beat up a cop again.

Anyway, I rescued her from durance vile and after collecting her things from the flophouse brought her safely home again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 15 - 11:00 AM

Autocorrect can be yore fiend or it can miss you up cuss it guesses at watt you want to sea and putts thought in witch can change the meaning of what you wanted to see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 15 - 08:12 AM

Spelling and grammatical errors in mid afternoon? Worse, actually 'prompted' instead of 'pre-empted'? I hung my head. Unless... yup... autocorrect!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Señor Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 15 - 06:43 PM

Maybe he pickled his brain on Guinness and has forgotten Dear Old Mom. More likely though is that he's in jail again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 22 Aug 15 - 05:19 PM

Maybe he forgot to click on MOAB's little d and the whole thing loaded. That act alone would break Ireland's Internet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 15 - 02:28 PM

RAIN! Almost an hour of rain! Well, over a period of four hours. Rain, sun, rain, sun, hot and humid all the while. I was gonna cooked a boiled ham dinner but the lightning prompted that. Can't be cookin and tending Mum through thundershowers at the same time eh? I bought over 2 pounds of greenie beanies... mmmmmm! I figured that, since showers are expected until Wednesday when the temp is to get to about 22C, I hade better get the beans now rather than get ones that are picked when wet and subject to rust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 15 - 09:44 AM

How is it that our boy Amos can post pictures of Dublin to Facebook but can't be bothered to check in on Mom?

Amos, if you're ever bothering to check in, Mom would like a liter bottle of Red Breast ("The Priest's Whiskey") and another liter of Midleton's Reserve. Give them to me and I'll see that she gets them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 15 - 08:59 PM

Ya oughta be out here....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 15 - 04:00 PM

WTF is the rain? The weather terrorists have been scaring my mother with promises of rain and a risk of thundershowers for four days and we had a spit from the heavens for five minutes about 45 minutes ago? That's it? Jaysus, Mary and Joseph! The grass is crunchy under foot. The woods are tinder dry. The salmon fishing is shut down. WTF is the rain?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 15 - 08:58 AM

Mooooooooooooooooooooooom..................

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom...........

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom...........

Isn't there anyone home? Bee Dub? Stilly? gnu? Acme? ^*^?

Anyone???????????

Okay...I'll be here...matches!!! I found the matches!!! COOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!............

Ouch! Ouchy!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 15 - 10:33 PM

There was Mom, down at the bottom, lying in the gutter, covered with garbage, rolled by some drunk!

Fortunately, I happened by and helped her up. I took her home and gave her cookies and milk and helped her to her wee trundle bed. I was the one, and that's why I am her favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 15 - 07:55 AM

Sheesh, there are wifi spots all over Europe and even Ireland. No longer are leprechauns employed as messengers or banshees used to cry out what's going on. You can even have Internet and Web access in your car, BOAT, bus, train, or plane -- or as you walk -- all over there. It's in pubs, restaurants, hotels, B&Bs, where ever there are people.

Amos' protestations are disingenuous in the extreme. He just doesn't want to have Dear Old Mom find out what mischief and worse he's up to!

Hence, I shall set in motion Der Altirischerinvestigatifnetworken and if he can't keep out of trouble we'll at least have some good laughs at his expense. I mean, really! -- asking a cabin attendant if she "if a genuine randy Brandi" after learning her first name and after being slapped down telling her that "she's aged well."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 15 - 12:43 AM

So many travelers moving from WiFi access to WiFi access. And we await their reports of the world they've passed through once they find the cherished hot spot. I hope they take time to look around!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 10:40 PM

I will then seek, and quest and try
To find that Eirean WiFi
And if I can where'er I sit
I shall unleash my flood of bits
To Mudcat, Facebook and to Mom
That she may know, with great aplomb,
Her reach extends from sun to sun,
ANd reaches, still, her favorite one.
Although his boat is temper tossed
His link to Mom will not be lost
Providing only this, I think:
That we can find that WiFi link,

Gertrude Shilaleigh Parsimmon
Songs My Father Taught Joyce
Dublin Meander Press, Athlone, Eire, 1887


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 09:55 PM

And so adieu and au revoir
As you leave this, our teeming shore,
To drift along the Shannon's side
And perhaps go ebbing with the tide.

But know that we will all be here
(While you are quaffing all that beer)
Keeping Mom alive and well
(While you are raising merry hell).

But yet I fail to understand why
You think that Eire has no wifi!
It is damned near everywhere
And you can post whilst drinking beer.

   -- Billy Butler Yates, Songs of Innocence (Squamous, NY: Presse Bureau Bourreau, 1798).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 08:54 PM

AT dawn the silver bird will rise
And carry us across the azure summer skies
To Dublin town -- and there
We will rejoice in noisy streets (not unlike here)
But served with a better kind of beer.

Adieu, dear sibs of MOAB fame
Pray do not let decline or shame
Fall on Mom's honored halls.
Have balls.

While with cheerful gay abandon
Upon the wide and silver Shannon
Will make my way by river boat
(Hoping to keep the thing afloat)
And in pubs and villages make the ken
Of lovely maids and stalwart me
And turn, and drift back down again.

Adieu, dear friends--I will be nigh
But past the reach of most WiFi
And busy with my Irish host
Will not be able, much, to post.
So raise the standard, stay in touch
And each of you post twice as much!

Joyce-Ann Meriwether Smithers
"Ballad On Departure for the Irish Shore"

Collected Songs of MOAB, Smaug Press, Ltd., Westport Connecticut 1994, Brindle Heifer, editor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 07:50 PM

Ignorance of the law is no excuse. Have you your papers in order?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 06:23 PM

Ich weiß nicht Deutsch und konnte nicht nach deutschem Recht verantwortlich gemacht werden.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 12:46 PM

"SIR! This is for ladies only!!" the woman coming out of the loo told Rapparee.

"So is this, Madame!", he retorted, "but occasionally I have to run a little water through it!".

That was the last thing he remembered. When he woke up, a large and burly German polizei was staring at him from across a cold, damp room somewhere beneath the streets of Berlin. His hands were tied behind his back, and the polizei was thumbing through his wallet with great interest.

(Fade to black)...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 11:41 AM

Good one, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 15 - 09:55 AM

I shall only be rid of that dumb ape after s/he is again locked up in a zoo as a plaything of baboons.

Boy, did I have a problem in Germany! I saw the sign for "Toiletten" and knew that it was there I had to go to go. Now, I grew up in a German-American family in a town that was predominantly German-American. But my generation never learned German, except for a few phrases, so when I saw a door labeled "Herren" I figured that it was German for "Her'n" as in "That ain't mine, it's her'n." I knew also from my past that "dis dat dese dose da" were perfectly okay words, as long as you put a subject after them, as in "dat coat" and "dose shoes" and "da cop." So when I saw that the other door was labeled "Dammen" I figured it was German for "Da Men" and went in. I figured out from the screaming that I was probably in the wrong room and nice cop explained it all to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 18 Aug 15 - 11:51 PM

Sounds like not much of a vacation if you see the same people in Germany who you meet here, especially if you're meeting Chongo around every corner. At least it is in a beautiful landscape, one hopes. Maybe Chongo will be stopped by the customs folks and won't actually follow you home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mr. R.
Date: 18 Aug 15 - 09:48 PM

Similar ideas and mouths too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 15 - 07:28 PM

Similar hair styles, too, except for the added color in Trump's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Aug 15 - 03:21 AM

"Anyways, the German trip was good. I met a lotta cool people and apes. Just spreadin' some goodwill around ahead of the 2016 election, and makin' trade contacts and stuff like that. It was wunderbar. Ook! Ook!"

Methinks Chongo may be related to the Donald. Their language is remarkably similar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Herman Abel, Deutsches Polizei
Date: 18 Aug 15 - 03:11 AM

We have put out a bulletin for one calling himself "Chongo Chimp." This person is of interest to us in regards to sexual molestation of a donkee this weekend past. You are required by Interpol to contact us if you know of this person of interest. Danke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 11:16 PM

I actually seen Rap at a bar in Germany the other day. He was doin' the usual thing he does, tryin' hard to impress the women, scare the men, and so on. It was funny. Ook! Ook! The Germans been through 2 world wars, I think they can deal with somethin' as minor as Rap without even breakin' into a sweat. Anyways, the German trip was good. I met a lotta cool people and apes. Just spreadin' some goodwill around ahead of the 2016 election, and makin' trade contacts and stuff like that. It was wunderbar. Ook! Ook!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 10:48 PM

Ahhh... I think I gotta take a break.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 09:45 PM

It strikes me as odd that a being who characterizes himself as a large gray arachnid sitting in a web waiting for poor creatures to be ensnared as the effrontery to cast aspersions on how others do at being. Nor, I think, does Gnu need any reassurances frtom the like of a ne'er-do-well web-spinner. The cognitive dissonance is enough to shatter a wine-glass!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 05:06 PM

Fuck it's hot. 39C last I checked the thermo meter. Add the humdidity and she's over 45H. However, I got the near 15kBtu mini-split humpin in the living room and the 12kBtu portable humpin about 3 feet away from me in the office which is assisted by a box fan in the office door so... I'm cool.

Now, it's not Texas hot but, then again, everything is bigger in Texas.

It was hot in our provincial capital this AM. Charles the Blogger is a local hero. He goes after politicians with a videocam and doesn't hold back. Been in a court more than once. Here is a still from his YT vid today. Oh, yeah... HARPER Harper! https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10153531569735775&set=a.10150366222730775.403848.641115774&type=1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 04:12 PM

I have long preferred to sit in the middle of the web, each nuance of the threads telling me of some hapless prey entrapped, rather than stand behind the scenes and emote. For I am the Spider King, the gray personage from which all flows and to which all homage is due.

M. le gnu, je believe en vous und ich gedanken that you est trop gut at le merde de taurus. SVP, stick around und nich worry auf Amos. L'est un player aug guitaren mais nicht gutten as Sie being.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 03:36 PM

Oy,I have stepped on toes all unmeaning to. I yam sorry, friend Gnu. I did not mean personal offense. What I said was perfectly reasonable, IMHO, but it was not intended as a jab at your good self. The substance of it, I believe, has considerable merit...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Aug 15 - 08:00 AM

Well excUUUUUse me!


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