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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 01 Jul 15 - 09:45 PM
gnu 01 Jul 15 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 15 - 06:38 PM
gnu 01 Jul 15 - 03:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jul 15 - 02:33 PM
gnu 01 Jul 15 - 11:26 AM
Rapparee 01 Jul 15 - 09:00 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jul 15 - 03:32 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 15 - 10:33 PM
gnu 30 Jun 15 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 15 - 02:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jun 15 - 02:55 PM
Amos 30 Jun 15 - 02:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jun 15 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 15 - 09:55 AM
Acme 29 Jun 15 - 11:16 PM
gnu 29 Jun 15 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 15 - 06:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 15 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 15 - 11:05 AM
Amos 29 Jun 15 - 01:08 AM
Acme 28 Jun 15 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 15 - 08:37 PM
gnu 28 Jun 15 - 08:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 15 - 04:50 PM
Amos 28 Jun 15 - 04:38 PM
gnu 28 Jun 15 - 01:22 PM
Acme 28 Jun 15 - 12:58 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 15 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 15 - 09:46 AM
GUEST,Tintype 27 Jun 15 - 10:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 15 - 10:02 PM
Amos 27 Jun 15 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 15 - 10:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 15 - 10:06 AM
GUEST, *^* 27 Jun 15 - 09:54 AM
gnu 27 Jun 15 - 06:53 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 15 - 09:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jun 15 - 06:50 PM
gnu 26 Jun 15 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 15 - 08:48 AM
Ebbie 26 Jun 15 - 01:06 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 25 Jun 15 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 15 - 09:57 PM
gnu 25 Jun 15 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,Gluon the Cosmic Duckdog 25 Jun 15 - 08:45 PM
GUEST,The Duke of Bilgewater 25 Jun 15 - 07:17 PM
gnu 25 Jun 15 - 11:35 AM
Amos 25 Jun 15 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 15 - 08:36 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 09:45 PM

Worked for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 09:28 PM

"Please select an option to find the photo you need." ???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 06:38 PM

There is one sort of "potato" which is not only carnivorous, but acts like a mad dog. It is, fortunately, rather small. Unfortunately it is also "cute" and hence all the more dangerous. Here in Idaho, when we find 'em, we keep 'em caged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 03:57 PM

Made a link for the football thread and it's still on my clipboard soooo enjoy... Maradonna?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 02:33 PM

There's a town in Florida called Spuds. But they don't have gigantic spuds, just normal ones. The gigantic ones are further south in the Everglades, where they have the dreaded Burmese Pytater.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 11:26 AM

Here is a New Brunswick spud. Also note, we have some big lobsters too. https://www.google.ca/search?q=new+brunswick+giant+potato&rls=com.microsoft:en-CA:IE-SearchBox&tbm=isch&imgil=u0Qe3R5OhE0-mM%253


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 09:00 AM

Exactly, except for the feet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jul 15 - 03:32 AM

A potato in the flesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 10:33 PM

Now that I have a real keyboard I'll tell you everything.

First, Idaho (and Maine, and the borders of Ireland) were once high, flat plateaus.

Secondly, the "potato" does not grow as a tuber on a plant. It is more like a nematode crossed with a grub.

The "potato" has as its favorite food the plant Solanum Tuberosum. It attaches itself to the roots of the plant and, in a symbiotic relationship, thrives. It can sense the presence of the plant through the soil and will migrate at least several miles (or kilometers or kilometres) to reach it.

The relationship between plant and animal continues until the plant dies from the end of the growing season or from so other cause. If the demise of the plant is due to the end of the growing season, the "potato" turns into the starchy "tuber" we know.

Some soils (such as those in the areas mentioned above) are particularly conducive to the growth of Solanum T. and hence to the "potato." As the plants were domesticated for farming, the "potato" would, naturally, come to them. This left hollows in the soil when enough "potatoes" had migrated. These hollows would, of course, be filled in with soil.

Over the course of time, enough "potatoes" migrated due to farming that the collapse of the soil reduced the high plateaus and gave birth to the mountains of Idaho, Maine, and the coastal areas of Ireland.

And now you know The Truth. The "potato" is actually a pretty stupid animal, a root sucker. Keep this in mind if you are a vegetarian or worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 05:19 PM

Stompin Tom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 02:59 PM

As everyone knows Idaho has famous potatoes -- says so on the license plates. Very few know The Truth About Potatoes and when I get to a reLkeyboard I'll share it with you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 02:55 PM

Mamas, don't your babies be talkin' 'bout 'taters
Don't let 'em tell tales about russets and such
Make 'em talk about broccoli and kale and spinach

Mamas, don't your babies be talkin' 'bout 'taters
Especially fried topped with chili and cheese
Just thinkin' about that makes me ill at ease


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 02:36 PM

I know some folks are so shy about talking about their potatoes, they just stand and spudder, as though they're brains were fried. They get a wild look in all their eyes, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 10:58 AM

I never talk about my potatoes in public. I know some people do, and that's okay, but I was brought up in a family where what you do with your potatoes is your business and nobody else's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 15 - 09:55 AM

Those potatoes are dyed with water-soluble food coloring (or colouring, if you're in one of those countries). In this way you are fooled into buying plain ol' white potatoes instead of the ones you really wanted. If you dig about three feet under the bottom potato you'll find that the soil yields a red color (or colour, if you must) if you let it sit in a jar of water. That's from the dye used, unless someone has snuck in and buried a body under your potatoes and in that case you should notify the police. That's an inconvenience, yes, but unless you did it it's your civic duty. If you did it you shouldn't talk about your potatoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 11:16 PM

For some reason all of the red lasota potatoes I planted this spring turned into some kind of white potato. Perhaps all of the rain washed out the color? There wasn't much out there either, the poor things were completely neglected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 07:04 PM

$30 more today for two buckets of sealer and a motorpickle helmet. Anybody wanna buy a gas powered pressure washer what will take yer dick right off at 3500 psi if ya aim wrong? I got a shitload a stuff ta sell. I tried to post "Shitload a stuff" under garage sales at Kijiji but they wouldn't approve it. "Lotta stuff" just don't convey my message proper like eh?

Still got me windows open. Hit 20C today. I love about the 12C overnight with the windows open until the fucking mourning doves start cooing and the crows start cawing before daylight. I live in the city so I can't shoot the fuckers and leave there dead bodies as a warning to the others not to wake me up. Otherwise, feathers would fly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 06:20 PM

My personal library is getting back in shape, but I need more bookcases.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 12:03 PM

Hi Mom! I learned a new bit of slang last night. A woman with a great body but an ugly face is called a "butterface". Why? Because her body looks good, but her face....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 11:05 AM

Amos may whale and carp and grunt, but someone did use his dory over the weekend. He'd left his banjo in it, and the guilty party had a dab at it and then used it for a drum. Whoever it was also took a flyer with Amos' leatherjacket and moara less ruined it by leaving it covered with scat -- it smelt terrible. Even though Amos is just a sprat who can't carry a tuna bucket, he's gonna flounder around until he finds the son of a bicher and "char that slimehead until his wahoo is whiting! I'll zingle him out from the school and lay a tarpon on his wrasse that'll knock that crappie off his perch! By gar, you sea if I don't put him in his plaice! I'll put a shiner on his tope! When I'm done with him his gunnel will be scuppered! By gar, I'll skate on his flathead and leave him a sleeper, and I'm the buoy that can make him saury!"

Moral: If you're up to something fishy, don't get an ide you can cobbler around in Amos' boat. He'll buri your Humuhumunukunukuapua'a if you do, and he'll do it just for the halibut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 15 - 01:08 AM

I remain clammed up, rather than floundering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 11:56 PM

Bivalves come to mind as I read all of this muscle flexing of marine puns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 08:37 PM

Orca not understand you, to please say it an otter way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 08:08 PM

That seals the deal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 04:50 PM

Penguins eat fish, not ice cream. It was tartar sauce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 04:38 PM

"Honest, no--it was just a little ice cream."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 01:22 PM

Bear stops for a crap, sees rabbit doing same next to him and asks if his shit sticks to his fir. "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

It's a good joke but you have to flesh it out and it's best in person with a visual. Like the hooker that gives $20 penguin blowjobs. Some jokes, ya just gotta 'see'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 12:58 PM

Damn straight, Rap. Otherwise, visitation privileges can be suspended at any time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 09:52 AM

It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
                                          -- St. Pope John XXIII


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 15 - 09:46 AM

What!!!???? Bee-Dub, you mean to say that you've NEVER used a sandblast to.... I thought you were a real man! REAL men have a bidet that uses carborundum instead of water! REAL men use bear fur -- with a living grizzly still attached! REAL men know that men who use a finer grit that #40 sandpaper are from Southern California!

REAL women use whatever they want. Never, ever, mess with a REAL woman!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tintype
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:05 PM

"Have courage and do not fear the assaults of the Devil. Remember this forever; it is a healthy sign if the devil shouts and roars around your conscience, since this shows that he is not inside your will." - St. Padre Pio


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:02 PM

Sand? People wipe their asses with sand? Personally, I go to great lengths to keep sand out of my butt crack. How do you spell "chafe"?

And while modern day MREs (Meals-Ready-to-Eat) are a great improvement over old style C-rations, the toilet paper is still more suitable for patching bullet holes in entrenching tools than wiping your bum. But MREs do have moist towelettes. And Skittles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:33 AM

I am an old man, and have seen much. For decade upon decade, every year, I watch the barbarous hordes mill and march and chant their tribal sounds, do their ritual obeisances to pumpkin, turkey, dead leaders and assorted forebears. I have seen them burn the skies with loud explosions for the sake of jollity, pretending it is happiness. Year upon year the arcane symbols are resurrected and run aloft in every neighborhood--the pie tree, the evil pumpkin, the happy sacrificial bird, the virginal Mom, the sturdy Father, the pagan bouquets. The minds of the nation, year upon year, are soaked in fumes of cheap alcohol, their human potential sacrificed on the dull-pated altar of ritual and repetition.

Those who cater to the mindless wheel grow wealthy, and their wealth reported as part of the ritual in turn, forming a gruesome self-feeding, frenzied loop.

Thus the dream of democracy is devitiated and suborned, becoming a dance for the shorn and bleating celebrating less the virtues of courage and genius which they recite, but the sadder virtues of compliance, ritual and a sort of patriotic self-abnegation.

This I have seen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:19 AM

Well, you know that old newspaper squared, the Old Farmers Almanac, and the pages from the late, lamented, Sears catalog were pretty stiff and scratchy. Before using any of them they were played with, crumbled, folded, and otherwise softened; even back in the old days they weren't no fools.

You might have heard about corn cobs. Yep, they were used, but only as a joke on city slickers. Leaves can be an emergecy substituted, but not poison ivy (a friend in the Boy Scouts once made that mistake, but only once) or nettles or other such plants -- it helps to know botany.

The National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) recommends using a smooth rock. They also suggest cleaning it and carrying your rock with you in case you can't find another one. (All of the stuff herein is, by the way, true.)

Them old Romans used a bit of sponge fastened to a stick. It was rinsed after use in container of water and kept in a second container of water.

Others people have used water, sand, and water mixed with sand. Of course, scraps of cloth or soft leather were also well thought of.

In the C-ration boxes the US military included a packet of "toilet paper" which was suitable for other uses as well -- roofing a bunker or patching the armor on a tank, for example.

Don't say you never learned anything from reading MOAB!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 10:06 AM

Yes, nothing lets you get in touch with your inner redneck quite like leaning on a pickup truck's tailgate. It's why people buy those so called pickups that are really SUVs with teeny tiny truck beds. They don't need to haul building material, they just need a tailgate to lean on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, *^*
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 09:54 AM

MOM is glad to be privy to that tidbit of privy trivia, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jun 15 - 06:53 AM

BWL... great idea but, first, I'll have to make friends with some good ol' boys. Rap... sounds like quite a partaaaay.

If you notice a hole in the upper left-hand corner of your Farmers' Almanac, don't return it to the store! That hole isn't a defect; it's a part of history. Starting with the first edition of the Farmers' Almanac in 1818, readers used to nail holes into the corners to hang it up in their homes, barns, and outhouses (to provide both reading material and toilet paper). In 1910, the Almanac's publishers began pre-drilling holes in the corners to make it even easier for readers to keep all of that invaluable information (and paper) handy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 09:16 PM

The big doin's are starting at the Idaho Legion Hovel. The Glorious Fourth is coming so more tanker cars of beer are being routed onto the Legion Siding, a couple of boxcars of meat for grilling are sitting in the Yards chillin', and the boys and girls are out working on The Boss -- the biggest grill in the American West.

The Boss has a total grill surface only slightly smaller than that of two football (any sort) fields and a cricket pitch, cunningly designed so that two people can flip burgers and burn hot dogs without help. Shucks, one person can do it in a pinch! The charcoal used to come in by the carload, but air pollution laws forced the switch to propane and that comes in by the carload now; four cars, the average amount needed, are sitting by the reefers in the Yards.

Up on the hill The Biggest Show In Idaho is winding up. Raucous rock bands have disturbed my peace since I got back and fireworks are being trucked up every couple of hours. It's rumored that they have a small air-burst nuclear weapon this year, but I doubt it.

Meanwhile, the Elks Lodge has turned the parade over to the Old Town group. It will kick off at 10 a.m. and wend its way from Old Town to the parking lot at Holt Area (a/k/a The Dome or The Minidome). Floats will float and candy will be thrown to those viewing, even though city ordinance says to hand it, not to throw it.

Fireworks stands proliferate. Legal "safe and sane" fireworks are those which don't fly into the air or explode. This is honored in the breech. Sometime in the coming week the Fire Department will delineate those areas thought to be especially prone to wildfire and will ban fireworks there.

All in all it's shaping up to be a gigantic anticlimax.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 06:50 PM

Gnu, get a couple sheets of plywood and a handful of two-by-fours and cobble yourself together a mock pickup truck to go in your driveway. Doesn't matter how accurate a facsimile it is as long as it has a tailgate to lean on while you drink beer and shoot the shit with the good ol' boys. Even if you no longer need a truck for trucking, and even if you're no longer able to drive, you still need a tailgate to lean on now and then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 05:39 PM

My driveway looks 'lonely'. And the neighbour... you know, George... has yet again gotten the apartment complex manager to whipperfuck all the undergrowth under the pines out back so NO ladybugs for me!!! Asshole he is. Stunnedasmearse he is. Chemhead poison sprayin idiot! And, this year, due to the fungi that killed all the Double Impatiens last year (I did get, by chance, at a good price, 192 Snapdragons last year), all I have is petunias so aphids may kill them all... I will not use pesticides and I can't get up woods to gather ladybug larvae. BTW, George mowed his lawn 3 times in the last four days. Either he is fightin with the wife or he is an old, miserable, ignorant, senile... have a nice day eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 08:48 AM

It's kinda like a purse, Ebbie, but not satin lined or with a clasp and lots, lots smaller and better organized.

I shall now stay indoors in a windowless room all next week....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Jun 15 - 01:06 AM

Guest #, that's an experience I expect few of us have. Is the pouch fur-lined or is it like a membrane?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 10:47 PM

Huck Finn does provide a great escape. I've read it several times.

BWL, any tomatoes cooked on the vine I can meet and top here, I imagine. But I won't, I don't want to go dig through the tall grass to see what is up. That's for this weekend. It won't be pretty, the hornworms have had free reign in the garden so far, but it ends on the 27th. After that, everything gets weeded, gets enough water, gets organic fertilizer, and gets treated the way my garden expects to be treated.

gnu, you sound like a candidate for the declutter threads. That is sometimes a daily diary of accomplishments, and people who read that thread (many who lurk and rarely say anything) appreciate the updates. There have been times when people went back into old posts to find dates and lists and such that they know they posted. For now, put your cash in the bank. And think about sharing your eBay and Kijiji successes with the x-hoarders.

I rescued 11 baby opossums this morning. With the blessings of my co-workers, even. Within an hour we had spirited them off to a wildlife foster person who will release them when they're big enough, probably come September. What a day. MOM would have loved to have seen those little guys, except for the fact that I had to pick them off and out of their dead mother in the street. But even that, in an organic way, was interesting. I've never been able to look into a marsupial's pouch before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 09:57 PM

Any minute now the Lost Dauphin is going to show up. Then Huck and Jim on a raft. Then a steamboat with Sam Clemens at the wheel and Horace Bixby chiding him about knowing the difference between a reef and wind reef at night....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 09:36 PM

Duck? OUCH! Did you mean DUCK!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon the Cosmic Duckdog
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 08:45 PM

Quark!



Translation: Nobody wants to buy a duck. MOAB doesn't need another duck. I'm half duck and that's good enough for Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Duke of Bilgewater
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 07:17 PM

Wanna buy a duck? You'd be quackers not to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 11:35 AM

You can't be Syrian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 11:10 AM

I, for one, am glad you have decided not to ever be Hungarian again. Your contribution to the goal of ending ALL world Hungarians is appreciated. DId you know that Shakespeare felt the same way? He said that Cassius had a lean and Hungarian look.

Of course, the worst part is child Hungarians. Allowing a child to go Hungarian in the world is really sinful because he carries the mark of that experience through his whole life, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 15 - 08:36 AM

I wrote a great post last night. It incorporated everything Mother is about, it defined the human condition and ways to better it, it presented positive proof that Chongo Chimp and Shame McBride are locked away kissin' and smoochin' in a secret love nest, it presented a clear path to world peace now and in the future, it gave a clear and succinct definitive definition of "folk music".

It wouldn't post and wouldn't post. So I rebooted the router and then it was gone....

I lay awake all night, singing sad silent songs and my soul keening in woeful lamentation that it was now gone forever to that Great Bit Bucket In The Sky, that without my guidance humanity would continue on its present primrose path to perdition.

But as one of my old girl friends used to say, "Tomorrow is another day, I hope, and I vow that I'll never be Hungarian again."


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