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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 24 Apr 15 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 15 - 09:15 PM
Stilly River Sage 24 Apr 15 - 06:07 PM
gnu 24 Apr 15 - 04:31 PM
Amos 24 Apr 15 - 02:10 PM
gnu 24 Apr 15 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 15 - 10:06 AM
Ebbie 24 Apr 15 - 02:34 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 15 - 08:25 PM
gnu 23 Apr 15 - 07:12 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 15 - 09:52 AM
Amos 22 Apr 15 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 15 - 10:04 PM
Amos 22 Apr 15 - 08:20 PM
gnu 22 Apr 15 - 07:44 PM
Stilly River Sage 22 Apr 15 - 01:59 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 15 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 15 - 10:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 15 - 09:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 15 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 15 - 09:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 15 - 07:22 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 15 - 05:13 PM
GUEST 21 Apr 15 - 04:22 PM
Stilly River Sage 21 Apr 15 - 12:04 PM
gnu 21 Apr 15 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 15 - 10:08 AM
gnu 21 Apr 15 - 08:12 AM
GUEST,Amos 21 Apr 15 - 02:04 AM
Ebbie 21 Apr 15 - 01:43 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Apr 15 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 15 - 08:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 15 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 20 Apr 15 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 19 Apr 15 - 08:53 PM
gnu 19 Apr 15 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 19 Apr 15 - 05:51 PM
Stilly River Sage 19 Apr 15 - 02:57 PM
gnu 19 Apr 15 - 02:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Apr 15 - 01:49 PM
gnu 19 Apr 15 - 08:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Apr 15 - 08:23 AM
Rapparee 19 Apr 15 - 12:59 AM
Amos 18 Apr 15 - 11:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Apr 15 - 10:30 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 15 - 08:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Apr 15 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 15 - 07:52 PM
gnu 18 Apr 15 - 04:46 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 15 - 09:25 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 09:16 PM

I already have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 09:15 PM

Used to love it, and then Pat objected to my breath right in my herring. So I stopped and took up Cherry Heering, without a pickled herring in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 06:07 PM

Now would not be a good time to discuss the personal consumption of pickled herring. You might get the wrong idea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 04:31 PM

Urban dictionary... "Someone who comes from New Brunswick, Canada. The term is derived from the stereotype that people living in he maritimes only eat fish, herring in particular. Herring Chokers are not Bluenosers."

Now, I know what you meant, you naughty boy! Say three Hail Mary's and REPENT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 02:10 PM

Why did you name it Herring? Is that a family thing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 10:15 AM

I am a proud Herring Choker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 10:06 AM

Ain't nobody here 'ceptin' maybe Stilly and Mom got none of that PO-liteness stuff, Ebbie. Jist consider: Bee-dub lives in a swamp with skeeters an' gators, I live so far up in the mountains you need additional oxjen, Amos dwells amidst Southern California Republicans, and gnu...gnu...I sure hate to say this...gnu lives in New Brunswick!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Apr 15 - 02:34 AM

I too was going to discourse on the ringing of hands, but decided that I was too sensitive and polite. Or unlearn-ed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 15 - 08:25 PM

There was excellent reasons why I joined the National Guard and that was one of them. Of course I was also an English major and the liberal arts types were considered sexy back then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 15 - 07:12 PM

Keska diddly all the ATTEMPTS to post in French? That might be internUt French but it's too "semi-proper" French fer da girls I goes wit eh? Oh, I can understand it but geeze-oh-eh?

Now. I... I... well... I'll just post it...

I went through the interviews and the medicals. I was accepted, assigned a room number and asked to pose for a pic for the newspaper as one of three candidates picked from Atlantic Canada for RMC. So, we're driving down Ayer Ave and I say, "Dad. I don't want to go to RMC." He pulled the car to the curb and demanded to know "WHY NOT?". I said/asked, 4 years with no pussy??? He cocked his head sideways and said, "Oh. Okay. UNB then." And he started the car and we drove on. That precluded my military career. Then, the story got worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 15 - 09:52 AM

D'accord. Je suis un pauvre paysan, rien mais un frein à la vie, une histoire racontée par un idiot. Malheur à moi! Je voudrais sauter du pont, mais je pourrais fouler une cheville.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 15 - 11:29 PM

Tu te trompes, mon semblable mechant. Sa enfant adorée, le plus et le premier, c'est toujours moi meme. Ton croyance c'est un cas de narcicissime effroyable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 15 - 10:04 PM

I am trained in many, indeed most, areas of knowledge. Every librarian was and is. Never forget that We Know, and if we don't we know how to find out, and if we can't find out we'll make it up.

Why, you ask. Parce que je suis le favori de Maman, ce est pourquoi.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 15 - 08:20 PM

The ringing of hands is an honorable and ancient tradition dating back to the Mayans during the Mongol invasions. Typical a selected set of enemy hands, removed from the enemies, would be dried in solar ovens and mounted in order of size. Ringing was done with fire-hardened mahogony sticks. The melodies used were typically modal and minor scale, designed to strike terror into the hearts of the enemies who still had their hands.

So you're in good company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Apr 15 - 07:44 PM

My sympathies, SRS.

Rap.... why? Stick to weapons. That's yer farté.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 15 - 01:59 PM

The bean counters have joined ranks and are insisting on assembly line scanning of a project that they want to finish soon. And it is now my job. It's a job that second graders or chimpanzees could do without assistance, but any chimps I know would cry "unfair labor practices" and "cruel and unusual punishment." And parents would ring their hands and weep that their poor children were being used in such a way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 15 - 10:47 AM

Nonne ego sum qui mirum in die plerumque huc scripsit ? Ad quod omnes curae ad modicum parens quod fieri non potest dum occupatus paulisper dies est? Sed quid ego eam ventus .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 10:39 PM

Bait shops? Cattle ranches? Railroad yards? The Pacific Northwest? The Middle West? Military barracks?

Bear in mind that old Jody song:

You git a line and I'll git a pole
Honey, honey,
You git a line and I'll git a pole
Babe, babe,
You git a line and I'll git a pole
And we'll go down to the crawdad hole
Honey, oh baby, mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 09:57 PM

Crawdadday is acceptable, but only in very rustic environs like feed stores, lumberyards, and tractor repair shops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 09:50 PM

I can also say with almost 100% certainty that I should have used "implemented", not "instituted", in my next to last post. But, this being The Mudcat Café where the inability to edit one's posts seems to be part of the canon, my inferior word choice will remain a source of deep embarrassment for eternity.


You could send the resident mudelf a note via PM and ask her to fix it. But now you've talked about it in another post and editing the MOAB is a bitch. So it is there for eternity - this time. --- said resident Mudelf


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 09:33 PM

We called 'em crawdads. Is Crawdadday okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 07:22 PM

I can say with almost 100% certainty that it is not Friday afternoon. I will be in Atlanta Friday evening, so if it were Friday afternoon I would be driving in the direction of that metropolis. Since my current environs do not in any way resemble either Interstate 65 or Interstate 85, I must conclude that it is not Friday afternoon. If a couple of semi trucks driving at precisely the legal speed limit should suddenly appear out of nowhere, I may be forced to reconsider my conclusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 05:13 PM

No, it is not Tuesday. We have eliminated Tuesday. Today is Crawfishday. This change has been instituted because nobody knows what a tue is, but almost everyone knows what a crawfish is. You may call it Crayfishday if that is more in line with your regional dialect.

If you were fond of Tuesday and are displeased by this change, just be glad we didn't change it to Hogsheadcheeseday or Viennasausageday instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 04:22 PM

SOmewhere--not here, certainly, but somewhere it is Friday afternoon, and the offices are closing up in anticipation of a three-day weekend. I believe this place is somewhere near the Orion constellation, but someday...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 12:04 PM

Is it only Tuesday?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 10:21 AM

Still on the pain meds eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 10:08 AM

No, Ebbie. The Apaches killed me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 08:12 AM

BWL... I await your report.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 02:04 AM

Y'all tell such tales. Honest to Gosh. Hell, I have just read three or four books from that writer feller Tim Cahill--one is called "Nibbled to Death by Ducks", for example--compared to which, I mean, your stories are almost pale and paltry yearnings. He is such a mensch, I swan.

Often in the evenings after two glasses of rioja, I take the faire dogge Maggie for a stroll to relieve her of any burdens of micturition for the night ahead, and thanks to the mellowing influence of Bacchus I often sing, softly, the old songs as I stroll by the darkened homes of my neighbors. Tonight O sang the whole story of Barb'ry Ellen, and then the long saga of Lord Lovell, both of which I recalled perfectly. ANother night it might be Carrickfergus or Old Reilly's Daughter or some variant on Patrick Spence. The dark homes do not complain, and Maggie Dogg finds it good accompaniment for her snuffling and peeing.

And so, good night, Mrs Murgatroyd, wherever you are...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Apr 15 - 01:43 AM

Rap, she asks breathlessly, did you survive?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Apr 15 - 11:18 PM

#12 shot from a pistol for an armoureddillo? Are ya gonna put the barrel against his head? Or am I missin sumpin?

I probably used the term "rat shot" in error. The shot cartridges I have for the .38 are #9 shot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 15 - 08:31 PM

The blackness was absolute, a dark such as someone trapped by the collapse of the roof of the mine would know. And there I was, over a mile beneath the surface, trapped by such a collapse. Worse, I could hear and feel the stope filling with water. Overhead, the hanging wall was groaning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 15 - 10:49 AM

Extraction was made under sniper fire, but that was to be expected. Later, my ankle bound, I was sipping some small barrel bourbon with the Mission Commander. She said, "A good job in spite of a bad landing." I nodded my thanks.

Sometimes the best thing you can say is to say little.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 15 - 09:37 AM

There I was, two hundred meters up, swaying in a parachute harness over the total blackness below. Night jumps into mountains, I thought, can make for rather uncomfortable landings.

And I did land. Fortunately, I was limp and made a pretty good PLF. When I stood up I realized that I'd badly sprained my ankle.

Nevertheless, I gathered up my pack from the equipment chute (luckily, it didn't land far away and the tiny beacon guided me to it) and started to walk the two kilometers to my target. Two quite painful kilometers, and that's if they had dropped me on the correct LZ.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 08:53 PM

They're opening a store about 50 miles north of here. Unless I have a good reason to go up that way I'll buy what I need from them (ain't much) online. I don't see the need to drive 100 miles round trip just to get a fishing lure, especially since there are perfectly good huntin'/fishin'/campin'/hikin'/climbin'/etc. stores within a couple miles of the house. Same with all the stores up that way.

Besides, I don't need any guns/boats/ammunition. As for the stuff with their logo on it -- well, if you want me to be a walking billboard for you, good, you can pay me for it. Caps and shirts and stuff with a commercial logo one it are ones I wanted, and they're few and far between.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 06:24 PM

No Rap. You are confuzzled with armoureddildos. We calls em good ol' boys. They roam the backwoods with all assorted forms of high powered irons with scope sights what could even see your pecker in yer Idaho from here. I ain't shittin ya. Now, I never knew er even thought such existed but I joined a Facebook group and there is a whack of em. I thought there were just a few like the ones I met up with way in back a yer beyond but... woooie! there's a lot.

Minds me. Yer Cabelas is openin a HUGE store about 2 km from me in a month er so. I gotta go see it. I gave up huntin n fishin years ago but it'll be like a walk down memory lane fast forwarded into the modern age of WTF do you need that for? Good ol boy (aka redneck) heaven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 05:51 PM

Yeah. Like in the next State or better, in New Brunswick, where there is a dearth of armadillos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 02:57 PM

You can set up a couple of planks along either side of the path the armadillo uses and let them end at the opening of a live trap. They're really that stupid that they'll follow the edge and enter the cage.

It isn't good for (or sporting) to shoot an animal in a cage, best to release it down the road a piece.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 02:13 PM

#12 shot from a pistol for an armoureddillo? Are ya gonna put the barrel against his head? Or am I missin sumpin?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 01:49 PM

Coincidentally, only a couple of weeks ago, I was waiting for an armadillo to come out from under my house so I could shoot it. I was armed with a 9mm, albeit a carbine instead of a pistol. I usually use a 12 gauge shotgun for varmints, but figured the rifle would be a little quieter on my wife's ears since I was close to the house. The armadillo didn't come out before I got tired of waiting, so I didn't get a chance to shoot my wife.

Since that non-incident, I have inherited a Smith & Wesson .38 Special and a box of rat shot cartridges for it. I suppose that will be my armadillo armament in the future since it will free a hand up to aim a flashlight. No more trying to aim shotguns by moonlight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 08:40 AM

Leprosy? 12 gauge with 1 ounce rifled slug and a flame thrower for cleanup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 08:23 AM

Bullet Intended for Pesky Armadillo Ends Ip Injuring Shooter's Mother-in-law

From: The Washington Post

This is the story about the improbable journey of a bullet, a doomed armadillo and a very lucky mother-in-law.

All Larry McElroy wanted to do was get rid of the armadillo, which was no doubt doing what armadillos do best: digging as if its life depended on it (it does) and tearing up a yard in southwest Georgia.

So McElroy pulled out a 9mm pistol in rural Lee County and took aim.

Before we go any further, it's important to note that this is, apparently, a perfectly legitimate response to the situation.

According to James Morgan of the University of Georgia's College of Agricultural and Environmental Sciences, shooting is one of the recommended ways to kill an armadillo.

"At first I ask if they live in the city or county, because shooting is an effective way of getting rid of them," Morgan told NBC affiliate WALB. "However, you have to be safe when you do that."

Okay, back to the story, because what happened next is … well, puzzling.

McElroy's bullet hit the armadillo but kept going, ricocheting off the animal's hard, leathery shell. It hit a fence, went through the back door of his mother-in-law's mobile home, pierced her recliner and hit her in the back, according to WALB. The bullet ended up about 100 yards from where McElroy pulled the trigger.

The good news: His mother-in-law, 74-year-old Carol Johnson, is all right!

"She was walking around on her own power and talking," Lee County Sheriff's Office investigator Bill Smith told the station. "It didn't appear to be too severe."

Johnson, Smith said, was taken to a local hospital.

The armadillo, however, didn't fare so well. Although the bullet didn't pierce the animal's shell, it ultimately killed it.

"Just the circumstances, just all the way around, the whole situation was unusual," Smith noted.

Next time, McElroy might want to try using a trap.

Armadillos, by the way, have been blamed for spreading leprosy to humans across the South, including three recent cases in Florida.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 15 - 12:59 AM

Amos, I've already resigned and gave them your name. I told them you could blow yourself to bits more spectacularly than I could ever hope to, that you were the musician I could only aspire to be. So, in the third bar of "Devil Munchin' Toxic Septic Scum" trigger the detonator, okay? And make it spectacular, because we have a reputation to uphold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 11:35 PM

I love how BWL cuts right to the core of the matter every time.

Rapp, just get strong, okay? We can't have you hanging around being wussy. We have a certain rep to support, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 10:30 PM

The difficulty of swallowing a microphone depends on the type of mic. You could learn to swallow a Shure SM-57 or SM-58 with a little practice, but one of those big-assed things they use in recording studios, well, you'd probably have to chew it up. Then there's the corded or cordless issue. If you swallow a mic with a cord, you can pull it back up like a goldfish. But if you swallow a cordless mic you should probably follow it with a strong laxative 'cause there's only one way that sucker's comin' out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 08:31 PM

This is not going to be an easy gig, and I feel sorry for the guy who has to swallow the microphone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 07:56 PM

How are you supposed to burn the drum set if you explode first?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 07:52 PM

For some reason I'm expected to explode and burn the drum set at the end of the performance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 04:46 PM

Thoughts and prayers to you, Rap. I know you'll do well. Just the kinda guy you are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 15 - 09:25 AM

I am still, here, but barely. Yesterday was very tiring and today will be exhausting, but duty calls and all that.

Gad, the guys look old, Mick especially. I don't know who came up with this "Kiss My Rolling Stones" Tour, but it will be great and Gene and Mick are getting along well together. Since I'll be playing drums for both groups, well, it's gonna be tiring.


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