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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Aug 16 - 09:16 AM
Amos 21 Aug 16 - 12:04 AM
gnu 20 Aug 16 - 03:12 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 16 - 12:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Aug 16 - 11:39 AM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 16 - 10:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Aug 16 - 11:06 PM
Donuel 19 Aug 16 - 09:53 PM
gnu 19 Aug 16 - 08:20 PM
Amos 19 Aug 16 - 12:36 PM
Acme 19 Aug 16 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 16 - 11:54 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Aug 16 - 03:54 PM
gnu 17 Aug 16 - 01:37 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 16 - 12:43 PM
Amos 17 Aug 16 - 02:30 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Aug 16 - 11:22 PM
Amos 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM
Rapparee 15 Aug 16 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 15 Aug 16 - 05:19 AM
Amos 15 Aug 16 - 12:21 AM
Little Hawk 14 Aug 16 - 10:13 PM
gnu 14 Aug 16 - 08:55 PM
Little Hawk 14 Aug 16 - 06:32 PM
Amos 14 Aug 16 - 04:04 PM
Little Hawk 14 Aug 16 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 16 - 09:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Aug 16 - 04:28 PM
keberoxu 13 Aug 16 - 03:56 PM
Donuel 13 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 16 - 04:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Aug 16 - 03:36 PM
Little Hawk 12 Aug 16 - 03:26 PM
keberoxu 12 Aug 16 - 12:18 PM
gnu 11 Aug 16 - 01:55 PM
gnu 11 Aug 16 - 10:37 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Aug 16 - 01:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Aug 16 - 08:24 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 16 - 06:39 AM
gnu 10 Aug 16 - 05:45 AM
Amos 10 Aug 16 - 02:51 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 16 - 10:06 PM
gnu 09 Aug 16 - 02:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 16 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 16 - 12:32 PM
Donuel 08 Aug 16 - 12:26 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 16 - 09:19 AM
Donuel 07 Aug 16 - 06:48 PM
Amos 07 Aug 16 - 12:32 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 09:16 AM

So it's Gluon and not a partial knee replacement!

Stand by -- Amos ruined my breakfast but gave me an idea fora new thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 12:04 AM

Gluon has been very busy channeling pure BS into the neurology of Pumpkin Boy Trump, the small-handed, large=mouthed flaming proselytizer of hate and illogic, the banner-waving Furless Liter of Idiocracy for Murka.

I am embarrassed the culture I claim as mine has ever spawned so dull a stone-headed miscreant, but on the bright side it shows what we really ean by wide-spectrum tolerance of difficult beliefs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 03:12 PM

Gluon... Gluoff. The ancient Kung Fu Form, aka Waxing Quark, was the final Form required to become a Master.

Grasshopper, when you can snatch the pebble from my ha... two outta three!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 12:11 PM

Okay, that should do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 11:39 AM

No, the rug has not been peed on by a wiener dog. The honor of performing that particular christening event has been reserved for Gluon. He has assured me he'll get right to it as soon as he finishes humping Rap's leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 10:29 AM

Has it been peed on yet by a Dachshund?

If not, I can have one take care of that for you. Free, except for his travel expenses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 11:06 PM

Courtesy of the family hand-me-down network, my wife and I are the lucky recipients of a genuine hand-woven Persian carpet that's a perfect fit for our living room. I am so pleased! The carpet doesn't fly or anything, but it covers most of the existing tile floor and the attendant cracks (aka grout joints). This means I can now walk through my living room without worrying about stepping on cracks and breaking Mom's back! You have no idea what a chore it has been to tippy-toe through my living room for the last eleven plus years just so Mom wouldn't end up in traction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 09:53 PM

Loved the new additions/editions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 08:20 PM

Again, says I, "Loved it!". Bravo, indeed, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 12:36 PM

Bravo to the scurrilous Rapparree, the drafty dodger, for his golden finds of bookly doggerel. Were he not such a slacker, a layabout, and a ne'er-do-well, I would call him brother. And maybe I will. Because Mom never tells when it comes to paternity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 11:41 AM

Hi, MOM! Sorry I've been away so long. Looks like everyone has been busy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM

It's in the DT. So's this.

I am the very model of computerized Librarian,
I seek out information zoologic to agrarian,
I know each subject that is found in an encyclopedia
I handle every AV tool and every type of media;
My online databases can locate each journal article,
In physics texts, I can define each elemental particle,
In atlases and online maps, I find the way to Timbuktu,
Identify each capital from Bogota to Katmandu.
I navigate the Internet with speed and perspicacity;
Evaluate each website for its content and veracity:
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

I quickly search the Internet or grab the right book off the shelf;
Then give the patron answers or I teach him how to search himself,
I speed through every database like Galenet, FirstSearch, Dialog,
My records are all organized, just try my on-line catalog;
My homepage is a marvel of well-documented, helpful links,
It points to sites on modern jazz, hang-gliding and old Egypt's Sphinx!
I know just how to catalog in Dewey and in L. of C.,
I know the best books you should buy and those you wouldn't want for free.
I get you quotes on hot new stocks and find addresses in a trice,
The latest news, a star's birthday, song lyrics or a cure for lice:
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

When I can look up online all ephemeral material,
When I can get full text of every page in every serial,
When my computer translates every language and each dialect,
From Hindu texts in Sanskrit to Confucius with each analect,
When every book is digitized and indexed in my database,
When I'm the first librarian to travel into outer space -
And when I've indexed every site on every chromosome and gene,
You'll say a more computerized librarian has never been.
I'm working on an interface directly to the human mind,
So I can capture concepts that have not yet even been defined;
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 16 - 11:54 AM

That was wonderful!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 03:54 PM

An excellent tale indeed. I almost regret that my appointment as Royal Ignorer {ri} compels me to ignore it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 01:37 PM

Pretty smart fucker, I'd say. Well read, so to speak.

Loved it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 12:43 PM

Oh, some, they like the sailor man
When he comes back to shore,
And some they like the beggar man
That begs from door to door,
And some, they like the soldier man
With his musket and his can,
But my delight can read and write,
He's the bold librarian.

Now, this librarian, he rode out all in the dewy morn,
And he met with the farmer's daughter and loudly he blew his horn.
"Come in my bold librarian, and I'll mek thee a pot of tea.
Me father, and mother have gone to town and there's nobody here but me."

"I have a book for your mother, dear, called, `Love that dare not speak,'
And another for your old father called, `Gunfighters of Mustang Creek,'
But nothing I have for you, my dear," this librarian did say,
"But anything you shall request you shall have it right away."

"OO'," said the farmer's daughter and she glowed all over with fire.
"Is it true you can bring your readers anything they desire?"
"Oh, yes," said the bold librarian, "Oh, yes, indeed I will.
Take me up to your chamber and I'll show you my ... professional skill."

So they went upstairs together and they laid down on the bed,
And he faceted her in every detail from `A' unto `Zed',
'Til he couldn't classify her under maidens anymore.
He said, "Such dynamic service you've never had before."

Now this librarian he arose and he put on all his clothes,
And out of his pocket he drew handfuls of gold,
Saying, "Take this, my dearest Polly, for thee and thy baby.
It really belongs to the Book Fund, but I'll give it all to thee."

Oh come, my bold librarian and won't you marry me?
Oh no, my dearest Polly, such things can never be,
For married I am already to a quiet little thing.
I've a first and second edition and a third coming out in spring.

"But dost tha truly love me?" the farmer's daughter said.
"What d'you mean," said the librarian, "Just because we've been to bed?
In my most high profession love and sex cannot combine,
[spoken]
Because SEX is 612.6 and LOVE, which I classify under virtues not
otherwise accounted for, is 179.9

Come all you pretty fair maids, this warning you must heed;
You must marry some simple ploughboy who can neither write nor read.
For he may be poor and humble, but he'll love you the best he can.
And have naught to do with that roving blade who drives the library van.

And if you should go for your holidays to that village on the border
And you hear a lttle boy cal the cows in alphabetical order
"Come up, Annie and Betty and Connie and...Daisy and Ethel and Fan"
And then you will know it must be the son of the bold librarian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 02:30 AM

See Mom jump! Jump, Mom, jump! Jump to the top! Up, up, up! Jump, Mom! Jump!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 11:22 PM

Look! There she goes! Mom jumps from the bottom of the pile to the top with just a few simple keystrokes! Amazing, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM

Wynona gamble, or lose on a sure thing, the man who says "let it ride" is casting his fate to the fickle forces of the winds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 03:18 PM

Amos asks, "Wy?" and LH responds, "Nona yer business!" In the background, cut to the quick by LH's response, Sarah is palin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 05:19 AM

I figured I'd just Ryder...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 12:21 AM

I wouldn't recommend riding a movie star, LH. They have nice paint jobs but they get terrible fuel economy, ya know? And unreliable electronics. Unpredictable breakdowns, very low torque, no power to speak of, and their top speed is, like, five for only short bursts. No storage room to speak of, high pollution...hell, you'd be better off riding a horse, or a big lawnmower!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 10:13 PM

Definitely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 08:55 PM

You'd probably ryde one too, you dirty old man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 06:32 PM

There are a couple of movie stars I would eat, if I got the chance to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 04:04 PM

BEcause you eat movie stars ?

If eating steak is the same as eating grass, then I should dine on Kobe beef more often! I have been missing out! Another epiphany from the sacred corridors of Chez Mom. See, NO-one on Facebook ever told me that! I am so relieved!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 03:19 PM

Yes, and that's why I'm so incredibly handsome and debonair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 09:30 PM

Go on , eat vegetables. Just remember that you are what you eat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 04:28 PM

A hedgehog is an insectivore. Ergo, when one eats a hedgehog, one is eating insects once removed. Just like eating a steak is eating grass once removed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 03:56 PM

since when is a hedgehog an insect -- ?!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM

Major issues like having lost many beloved brainy cells in recent years but her core persona and guilt trip is alive and well.
I do question her gourmet menu lately. Insects make great snacks however. They are in great abundance right now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 16 - 04:48 PM

That is for damned sure. Major issues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Aug 16 - 03:36 PM

Thank you, keberoxu, for saving us from having to listen to Mom's whining and complaining about her being allowed to fall off the page. When that happens, she starts drinking rot-gut gin and feeling sorry for herself. "Nobody loves me anymore! You kids all spend your time playing on Facebook and ignoring your poor old Mom!" Then someone has to say something really funny to get her back in a good mood. Mom has issues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 16 - 03:26 PM

Bee-dub...it's because the animal rights groups and the SPCA won't allow that kind of cruelty to be inflicted on calves!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Aug 16 - 12:18 PM

Rapparee isn't here to keep MOAB from dropping out of sight.

I could post the "How to Prepare a Hedgehog" translation [from the French] here; however, I recommend that you visit the BS "Hedgehogs" thread and view the translation there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 16 - 01:55 PM

THAT was fun! It was near 30C and 39H. Thunderstorm blew in. I got me old lip waders* on, donned a pair of shorts and a tee, and headed out. Stood in the driveaway (yes, driveaway - I am an honourary Labradorian) and LET IT RAIN ON ME! Sheets of heavy rain. It was glorious! The temperature dropped 10C in a half hour and it was breezy so I only had a 20 minute shower but it was great! My neighbours think I am crazy... at least, that's what the voices in my head tell me. >;-)

* Lip waders... sneakers with felts glued to the soles. You can wade a lot deeper water (up to your lips) and swim too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 16 - 10:37 AM

Hahahahhaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 01:11 PM

Why do law enforcement trainees learning to use Tasers and tear gas have to go through the experience of being Tasered and gassed, but trainees learning to shoot a pistol don't have to take a round in the calf?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 08:24 AM

Hi, Mom! This is post #54893. It is significant because if you add the individual digits in 54893 together, the sum is 29. That is significant because 29 is the number of days in February during a leap year and this year, 2016, is one of those. That is significant because the Summer Olympics are held during leap years. I love the Summer Olympics! Oh, I don't watch the Summer Olympics, but a lot of people do, which means fewer of them check out DVDs from the library during August, leaving more for me to choose from. Hurray for post #54893!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:39 AM

Cherry could have said that. I was, um, otherwise occupied at the time, rapt in trying to keep my mother from being embarrassed by my em-bare-ass-ment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 05:45 AM

"GOAL! roared Cherry." No way. He would have gone the way of Hewitt and exclaimed, "HE SHITS... HE SCORES!!!!".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 02:51 AM

I reject the supremacy of the great God Brand. I believe a shrimp or a cutlet is itself alone, pure or foul, and no corporation shall gainsay its nature for the sake of a shekel of profit, Go the forth and hence, ye sons of Moloch--we are about our Mother's usiness!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:06 PM

I swallowed a hockey puck once. It was in a game against the Red Wings. I'd fallen and WHAM! and Gordy Howe sent one right down my throat. I choked a bit but got back on my skates and went zipping around the ice. So did everyone else, because the action was so fast nobody except me knew what the puck had gone. Everybody thought someone else had it, and you never saw such a flashing of sticks! Don Cherry his own self was doing the playing and even HE couldn't tell!

I skated up near the Red Wings' goal, acting like I was waiting for a pass. Nobody was covering me, and I felt some interesting thing building up in my tummy. Suddenly I knew what was going to happen and quickly I turned my back to the goal! There was a loud eructation and suddenly the puck reappeared, flying toward the goal! The goalie tried to block the...shot...and failed. GOAL! roared Cherry. That was it -- the winning goal! End of the game! The fans went mad! All of the cheerleaders came out to repair some damage to my clothing! The Red Wings protested, of course, but the refs ruled it fair under Chapter 7, Section 17(1)(A), §29.3 of the hockey rules then in use. Then they claimed that the miasma accompanying the goal had crippled their goalie by causing uninterrupted retching, but the refs tossed that out as well. We won, 1 to 0, and progressed to the Stanley Cup or Ryder Cup or whatever it was called back then.

Yes, I've swallowed a hockey puck. Once was enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 02:49 PM

SOB!!!! The Real Atlantic Stupidstore (Superstore or "Loblaw East" which has piss poor hygiene and zero customer service) has discontinued the No Name toilet tank bleach tabs. Now, I get to buy a brand name product for over twice the price and the SOB turns my clear water blue. Well, it would if I bought it. I don't want blue water in my toilet. It's an outrage! I wanna see what I pee. This is unhealthy. I shall start a campaign to rid the planet of blue toilet tank water bleach pucks* and thereby save countless lives. I am gonna write a goddamn letter (apologies to That Canadian Guy)!

*We up here in the Great White Frozen call 'em pucks on accounta tabs (lazy bastards can't spare ink for "tablets"?) are small things one would swallow when one is dosing medicine for an illness. Try swallowing something the size of a hockey puck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:37 AM

For God's sake, Mom! You were right on the brink of the perpice...prepuce...peripice...cliff!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 12:32 PM

Au contraire, mon vieux. I use laser-guided "bombs."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 12:26 PM

The land of nourishing friendships and between the lines nuance will not vanish. It will not fade, it is immortal in reprise. Memories of mom are unaffected by sparrows and raptors of a different legacy. This Oasis of thirst quenching language has seen migrating parrots in August disappear by September. MOM has no originator. It sprang from the egg and chicken simultaneously. Miraculously Rap was hatched in mid air and flies non stop to this day. Oh the scenes he's seen feeding on lyberries, basking in the sun above the clouds and gliding among his feather at night. And shitting with Norden bomb sight accuracy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 09:19 AM

I have, again, taken this opportunity to rescue Mom from softly and silently vanishing away. That's why I'm her favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 06:48 PM

Thanks Amos, I was wondering for years why it took so long to quell an inferno after my "most amazing Man in the World' thread. The outpouring of criticism and hot bile was the most I had ever witnessed. IT LASTED FOR 10 DAYS until you put out the fire. With hero worship and loyal fans like that I too would have sat back and watched.
It still makes me chuckle.

Below was my introduction to a story that included unique weapons, herbology, magical technology, archeo-genetics, disguised politics and friends that banded together to uncover a truth no one would believe.


Basically if done right, it might slip under the radar that the story is just a Harry Potter but with near geriatric characters in a old age home, monitored so that classified material might be protected.
With an absentee administrator that is a rather young Dumbledorish character, of course a discovery allows mayhem to ensue.



Rap I bet when you write , time dilates as it would for a painter.
In my minds eye the lights are bright in the corridors that lead to writing. They are dark when it comes to reading. Are your hallways the same or is one brighter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 12:32 AM

I delight in the animation and colorful range and timber of your dancing imagination, Sir Rapp. I apologize for not being here for a while. The normal travails of quotidian life and all that. Thanks for the kind remark, Donuel; the amaze is reciprocal! :D

The odious olfactory oozings from the GOP certainly do raise a higher stink than Mom ever wanted to.


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