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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 17 Jul 16 - 09:45 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jul 16 - 02:38 PM
gnu 17 Jul 16 - 02:33 PM
Acme 17 Jul 16 - 12:09 PM
Amos 17 Jul 16 - 03:56 AM
Little Hawk 17 Jul 16 - 01:26 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 16 - 09:58 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jul 16 - 09:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jul 16 - 08:25 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jul 16 - 04:56 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jul 16 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 16 - 09:25 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 16 - 08:42 PM
gnu 15 Jul 16 - 07:15 PM
gnu 15 Jul 16 - 06:14 PM
Amos 15 Jul 16 - 04:30 PM
keberoxu 15 Jul 16 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 15 Jul 16 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 16 - 08:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jul 16 - 05:15 AM
Amos 15 Jul 16 - 02:42 AM
Acme 14 Jul 16 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 16 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 16 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 16 - 05:38 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 16 - 01:01 PM
Acme 13 Jul 16 - 11:41 PM
Acme 13 Jul 16 - 11:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 16 - 11:32 PM
gnu 13 Jul 16 - 10:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 16 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 01:09 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 16 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 10:06 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 16 - 09:38 AM
gnu 12 Jul 16 - 06:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jul 16 - 12:00 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 16 - 08:27 AM
Little Hawk 12 Jul 16 - 01:49 AM
Amos 12 Jul 16 - 01:44 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 10:59 PM
Acme 11 Jul 16 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 07:29 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jul 16 - 05:03 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jul 16 - 11:52 AM
Acme 11 Jul 16 - 11:32 AM
Amos 11 Jul 16 - 01:36 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 09:45 PM

Undress? That would be immodest and very much against my principles! Only my departed mother ever saw me nekkid and then only briefly after I was born! The good nuns who taught me told us never to git nekkid under any circumstances, and everyone in my class obeyed them. Why, I ever bathe clothed (it's a simple way to wash my clothes)! In point of fact, I am considering wearing a burqa all the time. Sister Peter of Lombardy would approve.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 02:38 PM

That's like saying, "Why get dressed up for a date, when in many cases (at least hopefully) you'll be asked to undress?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 02:33 PM

Acme... first impression. And, I need all the help I can get. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 12:09 PM

gnu, why get dressed up for a doctor when in many instances you'll be asked to undress?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 03:56 AM

Rapparree:

As for pits of desolation, blame Little Hawk, who brought it up a few posts before my scientific analysis.

We had a glorious party this afternoon, t celebrate a friends jour de naissance. Wine flowed, music played, laughter rang on every hand. It just went on and on. Then we washed all the dishes with the birthday boy, and cleaned everything up. It was grand, I tell you. Mom would have loved it, but she couldn't come, as she was busy trying to discipline Rapparree for having a garbage mouth.

Great story, Rapp. Keep up the good work!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 01:26 AM

Ah, what noble and heroic stuff! Lovely!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 16 - 09:58 PM

Do ye mean the Scottish poet who wrote:

    Fareweel to a' our Scottish fame,
    Fareweel our ancient glory;
    Fareweel ev'n to the Scottish name,
    Sae fam'd in martial story.
    Now Sark rins over Solway sands,
    An' Tweed rins to the ocean,
    To mark where England's province stands-
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    What force or guile could not subdue,
    Thro' many warlike ages,
    Is wrought now by a coward few,
    For hireling traitor's wages.
    The English steel we could disdain,
    Secure in valour's station;
    But English gold has been our bane -
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    O would, ere I had seen the day
    That Treason thus could sell us,
    My auld grey head had lien in clay,
    Wi' Bruce and loyal Wallace!
    But pith and power, till my last hour,
    I'll mak this declaration;
    We're bought and sold for English gold-
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!


and

The drums of war were sounding far,
When Johnnie Cope cam tae Dunbar,
When Johnnie Cope cam tae Dunbar,
Upon a misty Morning

Cope Sent a a Message tae Dunbar
Said; 'Charlie meet me if you daur,
'And I'll learn you the arts of war,
'If you'll meet me in the morning'

Chorus:
Hey Johnnie Cope are you wauking yet,
Or are your drums a- beating yet?
If you were wauking I would wait,
Tae gang tae The Coals in the morning

When Charlie looked this letter upon,
He drew his sword the scabbard from,
Come follow me my merry men,
And we'll meet Johnnie Cope in the morning.

When Johnnie Cope he heard o' this,
He thought it wouldna be amiss,
To hae a horse in readiness,
To flee awa' inthe morning.

Fye now Johnnie, get up and run,
The Highland bagpipes mak a din,
It's better tae sleep in a hale skin.
For 'twill be a bloody morning.

When Johnnie Cope tae Dunbar came,
They spiered at him, 'where's a' your men?'
'The Deil confound me gin I ken,
For I left them a this morning.'

Now Jonnie troth, ye were na blate,
Tae come wi' news o' your ain defeat,
And leave your men in sic a strait
So early in the morning.

'Faith', quo Johnnie, 'I had sic fegs,
Wi' their claymores and their philabegs,
If I face them again Deil brak ma legs,
So I wish you a' good morning.'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 16 - 09:50 PM

Well, no, I just am not familiar with MacGonall's work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jul 16 - 08:25 PM

What? You got a problem wid MacGonall?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 16 - 04:56 PM

Pardon the typo. I meant MacGonagall, not MacGonall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 16 - 04:55 PM

LOL!!! I love it when Rap and Amos start insulting one another in a lofty and superior fashion. It's very entertaining.

Your alternate reality story is intriguing too, Rap, though I have no idea who the character "Chonga" is supposed to be. Got any more MacGonall poems for us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 09:25 PM

They were seated in the Presidential Suite (President of the oil companies, not a nation -- it was far more luxurious) sipping Talisker 1958 when there was an imperative knocking at the door.

Penelope arose and went to the door. "Who is it?" she asked.

A male voice answered, "Police. Open up."

She did. A man was disappearing from view as a woman thrust Penelope aside and entered. She strode over to the table and drank some of the whisky from the bottle. Wiping her mouth with her sleeve, she started a harangue.

"You bitches are trying to cut in. Well, I won't stand for it, you hear? I've had the franchise here for years. I inherited it from my father. And now you come in! A bunch of illegal aliens trying to muscle in on my turf...er, permafrost. A couple of apes or something and a la-dee-dah from Merry Old. Well, things happen to buttinskees up here! The Beaufort Sea is cold and better than fifteen thousand feet deep, and you're going to end up at the bottom if all three of you don't skip now. Get out of Alaska, or as certain as my name is Sorry Paling I'll have all of you boring old holes tossed in some old bore holes!"

And she drank from the bottle again, wiped her mouth on the other sleeve, and stormed out. The door slammed loudly behind her.

"Well!" said Penelope as she picked up her purse. "That tears it. We're in for long haul now, I suppose."

"Caga," said the multilingual Chinga. "I want to talk with the pilot." And she began calling on her satellite phone.

"I wish I have my old Tommy chopper," mused Chonga. "All I kept from my old life was the 1917 Colt. And a couple other things, of course."

Outside there was the sound of a shattering explosion. Very shortly thereafter the room phone rang. Chinga answered.

"Hello? Who? Stan? What's...the plane blew up? What happened?" And there was a pause. Then she said, "Don't worry about it. We'll take care of everything. Listen, did you have our bags off the plane? Good. You're expected here, a room is reserved for you. Bring the bags yourself to the Presidential Suite. You, no one else. And Stan -- you'll understand when I say, 'Don't take any wooden nickels. Now we'll see you in a bit, okay? Bye." And she rang off.

"That really tears it, sisters. Our jet was just blown to bits out on the runway at the airport. And I do mean bits. Stan had, fortunately, unloaded the baggage and had it with him as he drank a cup of coffee in the pilot's lounge. He's bringing it over now."

"The plane was insured," said Penelope. "There will be another along tomorrow; I feared something like this -- although not so dramatic! -- and had a standby loaded. Duplicate everything, if you catch my drift, Chinga. Now I want some things in my baggage, as I'm certain you do. Chonga, if you have that old bean-shooter, haul it out; we'll have something a bit more up-to-date for you in a little while."

She sighed. "I'd hoped that we might avoid this, but war has been declared. I greatly fear that we need make Sorry sorry."

(What's in the baggage? Why did the plane literally blow to bits? Don't miss our next thrilling installment!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 08:42 PM

What pit? What desolation? Amos, are you off on one of your delusional journeys again? You know that the psychiatrist said that the next time you'd have to placed under continuous care again, and the NYCFTTS and Nurse Ratchett await you. I understand that they have a new therapy where two people on different floors can be treated at the same time; it's kind of like a merry-go-round.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 07:15 PM

Cousin Claire posted a pic of her roses on FB. I clicked like. I got a BTW, did you know or see it in the Saturday newspaper?, PM. Her husband has shut down his practice. I have a new doc. I asked Mr. Google. He just graduated. I went to his new office to check it out. Closed (Friday eh?). Two names on the door with a torn off label in between. My appointment is on the 8 at 9AM. The first appointment that Gloria (I will miss her) could book for me some three months ago. Now, the 1 is a holiday. So... could it be that I have the very first appointment with this pup?

In any case, should I dress in my usual jeans and undershirt/white dress shirt combo avec red Budweiser cap? Or should I go full bore with the three piece blue pinstripe avec red silk poof (pouf?) in the breast pocket and the 100+year railroad pocket watch that olddude gave me hanging on a gold chain in my vest pocket? Should I greet with, "Good morning, sir. Very pleased to meet you. I look forward to having you help me with my health and well being in the coming years?" Or should I say, "I assume you have read my file. What the fuck is the hold up on the ENT and colonoscopy referrals? Can I get some fuckin customer service here fer Chrissake?!"

I think I may go with the suit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 06:14 PM

Roger... minds me a
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6WjfuxfIiw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 04:30 PM

The "desolation of the Pit "is a description of certain mental states that appear to obtain both acutely and chronically within a 2.5 kilometer radius of Pocatello, Idaho. Physicists and psychologists have been baffled as to its cause, but historians have hazarded the theory that it began shortly after a management turnover in the Public Library. Grant applications are being prepared to pursue further inquiries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 01:05 PM

No, your imperial Rapness, a great chasm appears fixed between Pocatello and Wawa; when I lived briefly in Montgomery County, I too encountered Wawa stores.

As for Detritus, I cannot see the word without thinking of dear Sergeant Detritus, the troll on the Ankh-Morpork Night Watch in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. Poor dear troll-man, whenever Sergeant Detritus salutes his Watch Captain, he risks knocking himself unconscious with the sheer brute force of his mighty troll hand connecting with his forehead. He is one of the most reliably hilarious of Pratchett's characters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 11:34 AM

I hope that when you say "the desolation of the Pit", Rap, you are not referring to Shane's unwashed armpit(s).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 08:50 AM

I once attended a concert by Roger Miller where the opening act was a little-known, struggling comedian named Steve Martin. Also on the bill was a group called "The Stoning Rolls"; I understand they changed their name and has some moderate success later.

Those old groups and singers were great: Firth, Ind, and Wire; Chicago Transit Administration; The Beadles; Hermione and the Hermies; the Mad Twichell Trio; Pedro, Pablo, y Maria; Pelvis Wreckly; Slack Babbath; Huddy Bowelly and the Rickets; and of course Ned Tugent. All part of my youth! Now we have only Amos and the Old Folks, the Geriatrics, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and the rest. Rap isn't any better than rock, with such performers as Nice Tea, Two Cents, Droop Snog, and Widdle Lane. Thank goodness we have Classical music like Batch and Beathaven to fall back on!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 05:15 AM

Apathetic Detritus! I remember them! I saw them perform once. They were the opening act for Apoplectic Dermatitis. Or maybe it was the other way around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 02:42 AM

Had the dance floor full playing some mojo music tonight. Mom would have loved it if she hadn't been tangled up with the apathetic detritus of the broken minds and souls of Blind River and their cohorts and ilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 10:52 PM

The Wawa artwork is very 1970s - 80s. What's old is new again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 09:58 PM

I checked and there are no Wawa stores near me.

I suspect that there won't be for quite a while.

Oh darn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 08:09 PM

There's a chain of convenience stores called Wawa. They're mostly in mid-Atlantic states (NJ, MD, VA, DE, PA) but they're opening lots of stores in Florida. None in my neck of the woods, but I've seen them in the Orlando and Daytona areas. More convenience stores selling more junk food! Just what Florida needs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 05:38 PM

He likes that town. You hear him all the time asking for "Wawa." He'll say, "Donny? Wawa for Shame?" and "Donny, Shame make wawa in pants."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 01:01 PM

Chongo doesn't stalk women. He does admire them, though. Shane, on the other hand, stalks pretty much any woman he can find to stalk, but his stalking range is fairly much limited to the local areas around Blind River and Sudbury and maybe over to Wawa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:41 PM

Shaving is a mistake, gnu. Use Nads. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:37 PM

You were wise to make that naming decision, BWL. My daughter is more zaftig than your niece but still quite a striking (literally!) woman. Chongo needs to find less assertive women to stalk consider adding to his acquaintance. LARP (Live Action Role Play) uses rubber and styrofoam, but as my daughter, she learned to use wood and steel. Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:32 PM

Half of all marriages end in divorce. The other half survive largely because single men can't cut the backs of their own hair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 10:51 PM

Soooo... I was thinkin bout gettin dreadlocks for the summer. Well, 'a' dreadlock. Well, maybe lettin the back grow a bit on accounta it sucks tryin ta cut that back there where I can't see. But, it gets itchy, so, maybe I'll just keep buzzin it like I do the rest. Well, by 'the rest' I mean, where hairs grow on me head. The other place where me hairs grow ain't NEVER gonna get buzzed again. I shoulda NEVER listened to that woman. Itchy? FUCK YEAH! I hate shavin me face twice a day let alone weedin a garden that don't grow... ahhh... TMI. gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 03:08 PM

The good lookin' young woman came to be related to me by marriage. No shared DNA.

BTW, "Isobel" is the name of the clothing line she was modeling for in those photos, not her name. I won't say her name on this thread for fear that she'd be stalked by some reprobate asshole from Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 01:09 PM

The plane landed in Deadhorse and two people climbed down the stairs, one of medium height and one smaller. The smaller's arms hung down to the knees. Both were wearing cold weather gear against the wind and the -48C temperature.

Once in the heated airfield office they took off much of the heavy clothing. Two women, one a chimpanzee and the other a jumpsuit. The clothing was obviously of excellent design and manufacture.

"Well," said Penelope Rutledge (for that was the taller), "where is she?"

"She said she'd meet us...there she is!" exclaimed Chinga, for she was the other one, and pointed to another chimpanzee waiting beyond the security gates.

As they passed out of the landing and reception area the waiting chimp came over to them. She, too, was well dressed.

"Chonga, my dear sister!" said Chinga "How are you? How are things going? You've met Penelope, of course."

"Yes, I have. I remember very well our little escapades in Chicago, for it made me what I am today. I suppose," she continued reflectively, "I was never very happy as a male."

"Glad to see you again," said Penelope, shaking hands with Chonga.

"And how is Veronica?" asked Chonga.

"She's well. She took the veil, you know, and entered a cloistered Abbey in the Pyrenees. From her last letter she has been named Sub-Prioress. She seems to enjoy her new life; I worry about her and will be visiting the Abbey this spring."

"Shall we continue these discussions elsewhere? Perhaps over dinner?" suggested Chinga. The flight seemed too long and I could use refreshing. Where are we staying?"

"The Prudhoe Bay. Best hotel in town, of course. And here comes our snowcat now!"

A vehicle looking like a van on tracks (which is what it was) pulled up. The driver collected the baggage and stowed it and then opened the door and showed the three into a rather luxurious passage compartment.

"To the hotel, please," said Chonga. She turned to the other two and said, a twinkle in her eye, "there's only one good enough."

And away, in a cloud of snow, they went.

(What next? And what about the General?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM

Yeah, the town was expecting that and is ready. Of course, Chongx's idea of "cleaning up the town" is not throwing poop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:08 AM

That is for sure! Almost any change would be an improvement. Chongo says he is going to have Pocatello "cleaned up" after he is elected. I'm not sure how that would be accomplished, but I think it would begin with removal of the "undesirables", meaning about 80 to 90% of the present population.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 10:06 AM

How did such a good lookin' young woman come to be related to you, Bee Dub? Why don't you tell her about the joys and thrills of Pocatello, Idaho so she can move here? The town needs all the beautifyin' it can get.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 09:38 AM

Wow. Your niece Isobel is a very beautiful and natural looking young woman, Bee-dub! She looks like one of those girls from the late 1960's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 06:04 PM

Rather good looking, I agree.

Now. Ants. Fuckers. The weather has been non-cooperative with cold and rain. But, today... 30C and sunshine and it is forecast to continue. So, then. Cotton balls laced with a boron, sugar and water mixture are about to be unleashed on said pissmires. They don't know whose lawn they are fucking with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 12:00 PM

Hi, Mom. I have now been to Biloxi, Mississippi! No, I didn't go to see Toby Keith, nor did I go to gamble away my life savings at any of the many casinos there. A niece has moved to New Orleans, and Biloxi, being about half-way between Pensacola and New Orleans, was a convenient spot to meet for lunch and a bit of touristy type stuff. It was very pleasant, particularly since said niece is a particularly beautiful human being (CLICK). Despite being a millenial, she has no piercings (ears included), no tattoos, doesn't wear makeup, leaves her hair in its natural color, and doesn't polish her nails. She does shave her legs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 08:27 AM

So their mutual home is in Orilla, and it's considered the glittering jewel of the country? It's okay with me, but since Leacock died when Lightfoot was six years old I have to assume from your statement that Gordon has some psychologically interesting...proclivities. I'd have thought that the health department would have been involved long ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 01:49 AM

Rap - I mean that the town of Orillia is their home, you moron!

As for you, Amos, keep in mind the fact that we *may* grant you asylum one day if you need it...I say "may"...but the offer may just as well be rescinded if you go too far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 01:44 AM

Rave on, Master Hawk, rave on. Some day the light of Truth will penetrate even through your thick, snow-sodden conifers and enlighten even the far reaches of your grim, God-forsaken village with its dusty, ash-coated byways and dingy shadows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 10:59 PM

"...home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County."

Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot shared the same home? I didn't know they were...um...friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 10:39 PM

Uh oh. Does Chongo have a facebook page? (It is possible, you know).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 07:29 PM

Der Donald has bought Simcoe County up in Canada to "turn [it] into a big-ass golf course. I'm going to call it the Trump Rump Course. It will be excellent, truly excellent. Best course in Canada!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 05:03 PM

Sheesh. It's like listening to the ravings of some dipsomaniac halfwit...

Yokels? You silly man! This is an arts town, a centre (Canadian spelling) of sophistication and culture, the home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County. We don't even allow dumbass yokels from states like Idaho or Texas to enter this town until they've been de-loused and checked for infectious diseases.

Furthermore, we have a well-armed citizenry here, an experienced militia ready to answer the call when any of you Yankees dare to violate our sovereign borders as you did back in 1812. And we know how to handle our guns too, because unlike you hairy-arsed swamp and prairie dwelling yahoos, we have to pass a proper firearms training course before we are allowed to buy our guns. So we know how to use them, eh?

Go buy some of those inferior Dunkin' Donuts, drink some more crap American beer, and count your admittedly meager blessings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 04:15 PM

Yokels protecting hokum? Given the firearms laws in Canada I assume that they're doing the guard bodying with nerf balls.

"Don't git near the candydate! I'll throw this nerf ball atcha!! I ain't foolin'!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 11:52 AM

I just spent a lovely weekend at the Mariposa Folk Festival. Music, music, music. Life is good. Chongo was unable to attend, which is a shame, because he would have loved it, even if there was no whisky provided in the beer tent. Several locals have volunteered to serve as bodyguards for Chongo, since Chimpanzees in suits aren't usually seen in these parts. He's becoming a minor celebrity around here, thanks to Facebook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 11:32 AM

I think a post of mine went walkabout - during the skimpy posting of the weekend MOM was above the line, but barely.

I made bread last night - the house smells wonderful this morning! Sammiches for lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 01:36 AM

Fear is a really weird fluid, kinda like Silly Putty. Squeeze it in one place and it pops up in another. No rhyme or reason to it. If there were reason to it, it wouldn't be fear. See?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM

There are probably 20 or so road signs on the road where I live. They're all shot full of holes except for two that say "Church". It's like the local rednecks aren't scared of the sheriff's deputies who'd bust 'em for shooting speed limit signs, but they're afraid they'll go to Hell for shooting holes in the ones that belong to Jesus.


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