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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 30 Mar 15 - 09:03 AM
Amos 30 Mar 15 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 15 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 15 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 15 - 09:17 AM
Amos 28 Mar 15 - 11:58 PM
GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere 28 Mar 15 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 15 - 09:33 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Mar 15 - 08:12 PM
gnu 28 Mar 15 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 15 - 06:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Mar 15 - 04:52 PM
GUEST,# 28 Mar 15 - 04:36 PM
Amos 28 Mar 15 - 04:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Mar 15 - 01:28 PM
GUEST 28 Mar 15 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 28 Mar 15 - 08:49 AM
Acme 28 Mar 15 - 12:57 AM
Amos 28 Mar 15 - 12:52 AM
Amos 27 Mar 15 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 10:23 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 08:28 PM
gnu 27 Mar 15 - 07:59 PM
Amos 27 Mar 15 - 07:46 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 04:58 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Mar 15 - 11:02 AM
Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 09:52 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Mar 15 - 06:31 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Mar 15 - 05:47 AM
Acme 26 Mar 15 - 10:22 PM
GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River 26 Mar 15 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Mar 15 - 07:20 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 06:33 PM
gnu 26 Mar 15 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 11:08 AM
Acme 26 Mar 15 - 12:42 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 15 - 08:59 PM
gnu 25 Mar 15 - 08:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Mar 15 - 05:38 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 05:15 PM
Amos 25 Mar 15 - 03:55 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 02:46 PM
gnu 25 Mar 15 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 15 - 01:19 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Mar 15 - 11:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Mar 15 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 15 - 10:33 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 09:03 AM

The one with the eye patch. Geez, I thought you'd recognize me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 12:19 AM

WHich one are you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 15 - 10:10 PM

Mah hat is hyar, pardner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 15 - 06:44 PM

Now, you need a hat like mine. You're old enough to have seen it on Red Skelton.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 15 - 09:17 AM

I see. 100X buffalo chip, and you pawned the gold and diamond hatband for cash to support your guitar habit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 11:58 PM

No, Michael, mine is Buffalo felt, no buckles, dark brown.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 10:48 PM

Omigod! Omigod! I must order a year's supply of Otoblast! I would guess that is about 8 bottles? This is the answer! Finally my long years of ignominious failure with women and scorn from the world at large are going to end! Omigod!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 09:33 PM

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?


If so, you need Otoblast!r. Otoblast!r shrinks low-hanging ears in 10 days or your money refunded! Otoblast!r contains no harmful combination of drugs, but only herbs and spices, and its chemistry is totally organic! So if you have ever been embarrassed by tripping over your ears when dancing or had a bully kick sand in the porches of your ears, order Otoblast!r now! And if you act within the next ten minutes, we'll send you not one, not two, but four containers of Otoblast!r and a full-scale applicator! Just call 1-800-OTO-BLAST now and give the operator you name, address, and credit card information! And -- did we mention? -- shipping is absolutely free!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 08:12 PM

It ain't THIS page that can't be displaid, it is THAT page. I know coz of I am lookin' at THIS page.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 06:20 PM

Guest was me. And, Rap... this page can't be displayed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 06:17 PM

Well, no, Amos. Shot, maybe. But turned into tree fruit -- nah. You can wear a derby or one of them other head critters. Just don't frighten the horses and ladies.

But I wonder...and I can't tell from the photos. Is this your hat, only soiled with the dust of a thousand cattle trails and of a hundred hard rock mines?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 04:52 PM

This post is not prime. You can tell because it's still green.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,#
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 04:36 PM

This is another prime post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 04:02 PM

I think his meds need to be changed to something a bit less bitter. He's perfectly capable of looking at ACTUAL pictures of my cowboy hat rather than his queasy-headed fantasies fueled by his desire to condescend at any cost. DIssing a feller's hat is not mannerly; out here in the REAL West, men have been strung up for less.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 01:28 PM

This is post #52101 which, just by coincidence, is the US Postal Service's Zip Code for Decorah, Iowa. The fact that this post links Decorah, Iowa with The Mother of All BS Threads is, perhaps, the most momentous occasion in the history of Decorah, Iowa. Or maybe not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 11:21 AM

How are the meds, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 08:49 AM

Yes, I liked Amos in the red one with the white edge lacing. And he had his two little cap guns on! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 12:57 AM

The guys looked cute in their cowboy hats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 12:52 AM

Rapp:

From your chill and aloof and remote perspective, you are drawing seriously mistaken conclusions. WE rocked the house. WE were the earthquake. WE made the ladies jump and shout.

Go suck a lemon, thou bitter critic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 11:28 PM

There is something inherently undignified--not to say well below the salt--about bragging and exaggerating about one's deeds in discourse with an imaginary character. It's just too--too, ya know? Like marrying someone in trade.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 10:23 PM

Well, Mr. Shame, I might be "layed up" but I would like you to come visit me. I can promise you a good time and perhaps even some money. We usually pass the hat up at the Idaho Legion Hut when someone truly unusual shows up. You could get even more money if you won at poker. Lots more. But if you try any funny stuff, the fellas might take offense and, if you are very lucky, just stomp the ever-loving crap out of you. Of course, if they did beat the crap out of you I could send you home in a small envelope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM

Don't misunderestimate ME, Rap! People who do that only get to do it like once, eh? I been nice coz of you got layed up and all but don't flippin' test my patients!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 08:28 PM

Amos, mon vieux, I hate to tell you this but someone should. You did not "rock the house." That was an earthquake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 07:59 PM

I saw a pic on the Facebook, A. You look mahhhvelous. And it's better to look good than to feel good. You know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 07:46 PM

Well, unlike Rapparee the guy who assaulted me with razors came back a week later to apologize. My eyes are settling down well--I still look like someone got at me, but it heals a bit more every day and I don't have to wear tape on them. So I have taken to going out nights to clubs where they put me on exhibit and make me perform strange primitive rituals involving loud rhythms, vociferous exaltations of few syllables, and a number of sidemen urging me on. Last night was the Navajo Live, and we rocked the house to the max.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 04:58 PM

Don, maybe. You'd just get hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 11:02 AM

Holy FLIP, man! Sounds like a flippin' nightmare, eh? But at least you put up a good flippin' fight and gave 'em all somethin' to remember. It sounds to me like you fought like a flippin' McBride and done yer fambly proud, Rap. Too bad Don and me was not there to help you. We woulda put the flippin' boots to them people that cut you up and then we could of took out the nurses after, eh? Too bad.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 09:52 AM

Shame, here's what happened.

I went into the hospital to have two hernias -- one on each side -- repaired (this was probably caused by hard work, so you're safe). After a bunch of paperwork they put me in a bed and stuck a needle in the back of my hand. That didn't work so they stuck in in my arm. Then they gave me some of that Hillbilly Heroin and then put some stuff in the water dripping into the needle to make me sleep. That was okay, but a guy came at me with knife! I took it away from him when two big guys grabbed me and threw me back on the table...I was pretty woozy from the stuff by then or I would have thrown them out the window (I did throw one out). They held me down and put a little mask on me and I passed out. It was then that I was shaved (I didn't know they took a picture!) and they started cutting and hacking away but even unconscious I didn't let 'em near any Important Parts even though did id hear cries of amazement and delight from the ladies present and shouts of jealousy from the men. Anyway, the next thing I knew was waking up and a hospital orderly dressing me and hurrying me out "before the student nurses find you and Have Their Way with you." I did manage to kick the first guy with a knife right in his family jewels, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 06:31 AM

Rapparee post surgery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 05:47 AM

It could be worse. I'd rather wake up after surgery and find some of my bodily hair missing than find hair growing where none was before. Especially if said hair looked like it had been grafted from one of Chongo's relatives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 10:22 PM

When nurses shave you when you're asleep, you never know what you'll find when you awaken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 10:07 PM

Holy Flip, Rap! It sounds like you got worked over by a flippin' chimp!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM

And they SHAVED certain parts!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 07:20 PM

My God, I'm so inspired! Makes me want to give myself a hernia just so I can get it fixed and be as brave and resilient as our brother Rap!

Nah! I'll find some way to be brave and resilient that doesn't involve pain. Or, if I can't find one, screw courage and resilience. Who needs 'em?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 06:33 PM

I'm in constant pain from which I almost pass out. I only keep consciousness by thinking of sunshine and fresh air and flowers and bunnies. My Lower Frontal Regions look like they were worked over with a club There are three holes in my lower tummy and they were not stitched shut but closed with some sort of "skin sealant" (i.e., I'm glued shut). I can shower, for which I have already received thank-you cards from the neighbors. But I am strong, I will survive, I will conquer! Excelsior! Don't Give Up The Ship! The Show Must Go On! Remember the Alamo! Remember the Maine! If I Give Up, The Terrorists Win! The Guard Dies But Never Surrenders! All For One and One For All! Follow Me! Come on you sons-of-bitches, do you want to live forever? Die Gedanken Sind Frei! Workers of the World, Arise! etc. etc. etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 01:02 PM

I've always wanted to see Mollie's Nipple. Well, both, actually. The love of my life looked a lot like Molly Ringwald. I was a grad student and "taught a tutorial class" for a prof that didn't have a clue about finance... imagine a city planner not understanding the value of money over time as it applies to cost-benefit analyses! 80 some students every class because all he did was tell them to "read the book" and assigned assignments... twit! Anyway, she was an undergrad and the very first time she walked into my class... my lust melted. Skip ahead. We were secretly engaged and awaiting her graduation for the formal announcement. Then, a family tragedy struck and I had to go home to take care of it. I was so in love that I forced her hand... announce or break up. She could not as it was a Romeo and Juliet thing... poor Irish/French Cat'lic boy marries the daughter of a mucky-muck Assistant Deputy Minister and head Presbyterian Elder in the capitol city? That's when I started drinking. Fuck I was stupid. BTW... she became president of NB's association of pro engineers... so I actually did teach her more than just lust and love. Or so I would like to think.

I almost deleted all of that text. Fact is, I wish I could delete it from my brain without alcohol... alcohol only works temporarily.

So, more importantly, an update from A on the surgery recovery would be appreciated. Also, how are you doing with your slice and dice, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 11:18 AM

A few years back a wildfire broke out on the slopes of Chink Peak (now known, due to a chink of PC, as Chinese Peak) above the Sheriff's Office. No problems, no property destroyed or lives lost. But when it was over the county and state dynamited six abandoned mine shafts about which they had no idea before the fire.

An old Chinese fella used to live up on that mountain, so I'm told, after he'd chink his cabin with moss and mud to keep out the drafts of winter, he grow wonderful vegetables to sell to those below him. He died with a very nice bank account and asked to be buried "on [his] mountain, Chink Peak." Over near Soda Springs are two hills named "Chinese Hat" and "Little Chinese Hat." West of here, near the town of Rockland, is "Mollie's Nipple."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 11:08 AM

Nah, not if enough people know they need killin'. Now up here you just dump the leftovers in an abandoned mine shaft, which are all over the hills. Or better yet, haul 'em over to Wyoming and dump 'em there. Wyoming will register them to vote and after the election lament the passing of such a fine citizen. Because WY has such a small population it's best to do this just before a census starts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 12:42 AM

Knock wood most of what I see around here is beneficial, but Texas does have it's share of toxic snakes. Most of them are the two-legged variety and shootin' em would get me in trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 08:59 PM

I've shot snakes and I've picked 'em up and threw 'em away. I don't like to mess with snakes or any other wild critter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 08:15 PM

Sweet Jaysus! It's all about shot placement. Don't ya read the threads at the redneck huntin sites? Ya can kill an elellyphant with a .177 cal if ya can shoot. Mind you, a 12 gauge would be more humane on the whole. I gotta say, though, I am all fer a big ass shotgun fer pisin snakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 05:38 PM

Hi Mom. I shot a cottonmouth in my pond today. I didn't use a lever action .357 magnum. I used a Remington 12 gauge shotgun. Not a good idea to shoot snakes with a rifle unless you're right on top of 'em. I wouldn't want a ricochet to accidentally hit one of my neighbor's cattle. Especially considering that the only rifle I own is an old Spanish carbine (click) that shoots a 9mm pistol round. It probably wouldn't kill a cow, just piss it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 05:15 PM

The only thing I am desperate for right now is a good mixed drink. With that thought in mind, I am goin' out to Duffy's, Amos, and when I get there, me and the boys are gonna drink shooters and make rude jokes at yer expense for hours. I even got a nice photo of you here that I captured offa the Net, and we'll have some fun throwin' darts at it. 2 bucks goes to anyone who puts a dart in the end of yer big nose or the soundhole of yer guitar.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 03:55 PM

If Chinga ever finds out where that plaid-brained scuff-nosed pretender of a brother of hers is operating from, he's gonna have to move with no forwarding address. If she reads this thread, he's in double jeopardy as she will see how desperate he is. I dunno, it doesn't look good. I mean, she's got money now, and is used to kicking ass and taking names.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 02:46 PM

The one redeemin' feature you got, Rap, is yer obsession with good quality firearms. It just goes to show, even Nature's ugliest mistakes ain't completely without some good reason for bein' here, that's how I figger it.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 01:29 PM

If I was THAT piss poor a shot, I certainly wouldn't post a video of it. Then again, I suppose the lad doesn't know he's a piss poor shot. What a waste of ammo. He should spend the money on a good set of eyeglasses.

Yards? Lawns? I have four to tend. Two front and two back. I could link to pics but they more or less look like the background of this text.

Chicken stew is simmering. Some is right with my world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 01:19 PM

Come on out, Chongo dear. We'll insure a warm reception!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 11:34 AM

You are such a putz, Rap. One of these days I am gonna have to drive out there to yer godforsaken state fulla drunks, layabouts, and dumb redneck yahoos and straighten you out good.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 11:28 AM

Got more than one yard, do ya, gnu?

Obviously, you simpering simian stupnagel! The man said he had seven feet of snow. Seven feet is two yards plus a foot. So yes, gnu has more than one yard.

On the other hand, I have no idea how many lawns he has.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 15 - 10:33 AM

I pass on this message:

Tell Chongo Shitsack that he ruined and pimped my sister and that will be the last time that he does that kind of thing because I'm going to shoot his nuts off a little bit at a time and then feed him alive to the hogs. Love, Red Sven


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