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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 19 Mar 15 - 12:03 PM
GUEST,# 19 Mar 15 - 10:02 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 19 Mar 15 - 09:47 AM
gnu 18 Mar 15 - 05:43 PM
Amos 18 Mar 15 - 04:17 PM
gnu 18 Mar 15 - 02:17 PM
Acme 18 Mar 15 - 02:08 PM
Amos 18 Mar 15 - 01:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Mar 15 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 15 - 09:32 PM
Acme 17 Mar 15 - 07:21 PM
Acme 17 Mar 15 - 07:21 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Mar 15 - 06:59 PM
gnu 17 Mar 15 - 01:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Mar 15 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 15 - 11:56 AM
gnu 17 Mar 15 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 15 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 15 - 10:41 AM
GUEST,# 17 Mar 15 - 10:06 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Mar 15 - 09:13 AM
Ebbie 17 Mar 15 - 12:31 AM
Amos 16 Mar 15 - 11:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 15 - 09:04 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 15 - 08:10 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 15 - 08:06 PM
Acme 16 Mar 15 - 08:02 PM
gnu 16 Mar 15 - 11:50 AM
Amos 16 Mar 15 - 11:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Mar 15 - 11:14 AM
Ebbie 16 Mar 15 - 02:24 AM
Acme 15 Mar 15 - 10:01 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Mar 15 - 08:57 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 15 - 04:53 PM
gnu 15 Mar 15 - 03:45 PM
Ebbie 15 Mar 15 - 01:11 PM
gnu 15 Mar 15 - 01:10 PM
Amos 15 Mar 15 - 12:59 PM
gnu 15 Mar 15 - 11:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Mar 15 - 07:23 AM
gnu 14 Mar 15 - 08:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Mar 15 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 15 - 09:11 AM
Amos 14 Mar 15 - 12:45 AM
Acme 13 Mar 15 - 10:59 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 13 Mar 15 - 10:54 PM
Rapparee 13 Mar 15 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 13 Mar 15 - 05:20 PM
GUEST,gnu... where is my cookie? 13 Mar 15 - 03:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Mar 15 - 12:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Mar 15 - 12:03 PM

Rap, you will not escape. The last time I was in the Salt Lake City airport was in 2000, and I'm still there. And the last time I was in Chicago O'Hare was in 1980, and I'm still there too. Furthermore, I've never even been inside Tampa International, only driven past it many times, and I'm still there also. Next time I'm down that way, I plan on meeting myself. I also suspect I'm in Sea-Tac, having driven past it as well, but I don't plan on going back to Seattle any time soon to find out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,#
Date: 19 Mar 15 - 10:02 AM

This is post 52009 which is a prime number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 15 - 09:47 AM

I'm in SLC. Pray for me that I may escape!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Mar 15 - 05:43 PM

Houma! RJ and J Paul will be on tonight on my favourite TV show! Thanks for reminding me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 15 - 04:17 PM

IF you are going to go looking for virgins in Louisiana you certainly need a sense of Houma.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Mar 15 - 02:17 PM

I have deja-neige. Started shoveling AGAIN an hour ago and gave up. It's just drifting back in... over and over and over and...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 15 - 02:08 PM

It feels like deja-vu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 15 - 01:38 AM

FIFTY TWO KAY! I mean, come on, youse guys! Doncha know this is EPIC? There has never been anything like in the history of The Mudcat Café! Fifty-two THOUSAND posts in one single thread!! Are you KIDDIN'?? This is a BIG elfin' deal!!

Thanks to all of Little Hawk's imaginary entities and his profligate fingers for contributing such a fine measure of output to our world-record-shatering total! Thanks to BWL for returning to the halls of Mom, and to steadfast Stilly and Reliable Rappp for their countless contributions. God bless us one and all, the children of MOAB. ANd thanks to Gluon the Duckdog for edging us past the finite bounds of all credibility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 09:55 PM

Have fun at Duffy's Chongo, but stay away from O'Leary's. They have a new cook from someplace in Africa and he hates corned beef and cabbage. Says it'd taste a lot better with bush meat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 09:32 PM

Going home tomorrow. Walked my poor legs down to stumps today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 07:21 PM

52000!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 07:21 PM

It's so close - what the heck . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 06:59 PM

It's Saint Paddy's Day! HOO-HAH!!!!!!! I am gonna get drunker than a boiled owl tonight! Just about to head out to Duffy's Bar and get together with my primate buddies there. Renata is outta town for a few days on a lawyer job. Probably a good thing.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 01:39 PM

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 01:34 PM

I had one of those but the wheels fell off.

I once had a marriage like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 11:56 AM

Shame McBride would know what it meant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 11:13 AM

I had one of those but the wheels fell off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 10:52 AM

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit! Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh agus sláinte is táinte! Tabhair dom an rud céanna mar atá ag an fhear ar an t-úrlar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 10:41 AM

Hangin' around, Ebbie. Pat and her friend Mary are attending a conference on textiles and fabrics and quilts and stuff. I'm going to go walkabout in the Hysteric District today and tell people that they dress funny.

Probably going to make dinner reservations at Shields' Tavern for dinner.

We're flying, in an airplane, tomorrow and will be home again, home again Thursday.

It's supposed to be near 80F here today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,#
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 10:06 AM

This is post 51991 which is a prime number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 09:13 AM

Yes, Amos, there are no extra virgins in Italy. There are also no extra virgins in Idaho, Nebraska, or North Dakota. All the extra virgins are purportedly being housed in an undisclosed location within shouting-but-not-spitting-distance of Greenville. Since there are at least thirty-five Greenvilles in the US and since shouting-but-not-spitting-distance is a relatively nebulous and undefined term, those fuckers non-fuckers could be damned near anywhere. Except New Orleans. Virginity, at least beyond age twelve, is rumored to be a criminal offense in The Big Easy. If you want to find virgins in Louisiana, you need to go to Houma. They reportedly have a few, but no extra ones.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Mar 15 - 12:31 AM

Whatcha doin' in Wmsburg, Rap? I spent some time there upon a time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 11:34 PM

It
s a sham anyway. I have it on good authority that there are NO extra virgins in Italy. It;s some kind of PR stunt to offset the wave of attention being garnered by the Muslims, I reckon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 09:04 PM

Mom! When did foodies start referring to extra virgin olive oil as "EVOO"? I was walking through the store the other day and saw an "EVOO Bottle" and had no idea what in the hell they were talking about. Took thirty seconds to decipher it. Why didn't they ask my permission to coin yet another ridiculous and unnecessary acronym? Like it's so damned hard to say "olive oil" that it has to be shortened. I mean the "extra virgin" part pretty much goes without saying if you're a foodie. They'd rather cut off a finger than use regular olive oil.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 08:10 PM

Here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 08:06 PM

77F here tomorrow.

Mind you, I'm in Billysburg, VA.

Ebbie, it IS rude. But it's better then it used to be, with people flinging guns at each other. Why, people could have had a eye put out or something!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 08:02 PM

I'm still knocking down the weeds in the back yard. I took a break when I flooded the mower motor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 11:50 AM

Got the drift in front of Mum's front room window knocked down so she can see out. Now she can see the roadside snowbank and the top of the house across the street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 11:38 AM

We of the Sane Corner are pleased to verify your report of Spring. The first rattlesnake bite of the season was reported this week, at Dog Beach, and the rattlesnake died/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 11:14 AM

It's SPRING here on the Gulf Coast! I love it! But I can do without the mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful shit. Anyone who thinks mud is luscious and puddles are wonderful has never driven a white car down my unpaved driveway after a prolonged rain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Mar 15 - 02:24 AM

So they grab each other's guns? That is just rude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 10:01 PM

If you weaken during your storm confinement and click on that earworm, you'll find it is of the highest quality, an Ed McCurdy Original® earworm. It might give you something to do while you're stuck in the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 08:57 PM

If it's true, as some physicists have postulated, that there are at least nine dimensions, then our universe of three dimensions plus time is dimensionally challenged. Are there special classes in which we can enroll our universe to bring it up to speed? And where does one get certified to teach remedial education for universes? The University of The Orion Nebula?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 04:53 PM

Ebbie, these days the sheriff or marshal or brothel inspector walks up to the baddie, grabs his gun, and throws it away. The blackhat grabs the goody's gun and throws it away. This goes on until one of the guns breaks and whoever owns that gun loses.

Not at all like the old days, described in that traditional Western song.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 03:45 PM

Buddy b'y. She's stove in here. Blowin a piece and snowin two. Nere movin outside a tha house cept ta scuff off in fronna Mum's back door on the side of her house that faces where a Nor'easter lays it's ugly egg every hour or so eh. Mine's on tha back and up at bridge level so she blows clean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 01:11 PM

Rap, thanks for the idea - and the visual - of gun flinging.

I imagine one would hear the rattling and clanking for blocks around of the *real* bad guys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 01:10 PM

Now, iffin yer talkin yer trajectory, I'd say yer Rap is the buzz. That there fellah knows about gravity and windage n such eh? Why, he could shoot the nuts off a flea (Fleas got nuts? Never thought about that.) on a megajump at a thousand yards with a .177 cal single pump air-spring break in a stiff wind. Well, that's according to what he posts eh? Well, kinda. I am just assuming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 12:59 PM

It also depends on what you have lately chewed and/or swallowed. Consider the difference between sucking on a freeze-dried alum lozenge and a moist ripe strawberry, blonde, on your spitting distance.

Think too on this interesting measurement: spitting distance varies with the square of linear distance from a spouse, and with the cube of linear distance from a spouse's mater, or (Dx (MIL))^3


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 11:38 AM

Me holes are all snowed in. She's a NOR'EASTER me zon, me zon. I'd say we're getting a good 16" outta this one. Winds whippin up drifts and expected ta give er some good at and after the sun's apogee. Oh crap! That's now. I'd better go scuff off er in fronna Mum's back door. If the wind blows me awa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Mar 15 - 07:23 AM

By the way, I hereby declare this post, whatever its number, to be within spitting distance of 52,000. Subsequent posts shall be numbered "spitting distance minus one" etc. Or "spitting distance plus one" etc. It sort of depends on your perspective and whether you prefer entering the rabbit hole from the north entrance or the south entrance, or whatever other entrances rabbit holes have in the universe you choose to inhabit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 15 - 08:59 PM

Me too. It's a red flag. No way I can open it. I have enough worms to deal with without opening another can.

Hmmm... who cans worms anyway? Ear what I'm saying?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Mar 15 - 08:50 PM

Sorry, but I find I must refrain from opening any link labeled "earworm". It might be totally innocuous, but it also might be Chongo singing "It's a Small World After All".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 15 - 09:11 AM

There's a chorus I just wrote. It goes like this:

Oh, that Blueberry Stone. Oh, that Blueberry Stone.
Oh, that Blueberry Stone. Oh, that Blueberry Stone.
Oh, that Blueberry Stone. Oh, that Blueberry Stone.
Oh, that Blueberry Stone. Oh, that Blueberry Stone.

You sing that until you get sick of it or until your audience leaves, whichever comes first.

Chong, you were never a REAL gun-flinger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 15 - 12:45 AM

One of my favorites of all time. I learned it from a working cowhand up in the Tetons one summer. He also taught me to say things "She'll never guess I stopped to put my pecker in mah hand, will she?".

A sun-fishing son-of-agun, all right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 15 - 10:59 PM

One of the most delightful, yet persistent earworms that was ever written by man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 13 Mar 15 - 10:54 PM

I had no idea you was that talented, Rap. Pretty good poem! It don't make much sense to throw yer guns at people when you can still throw lead with 'em, but I guess you was goin' for laughs, right? Well, like I said, pretty good...

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 15 - 08:03 PM

Old Blueberry Stone
(Apologies to Curly Fletcher)
NOTE: There ain't no chorus!

I was hangin' 'round town just a-wastin' my time,
Nothin' to spend, not even a dime
When a feller steps up and he says, "I suppose
You're a gunslingin' man by the looks of your clothes."
"You guessed me right, and a good one," I claim,
"Do you happen to have any gunslingers to tame?"
He says, "I've got one and a bad one at that;
You kin see he's a bad one cuz he wears a black hat."

I gets all excited and I ask what he pays
To gunsling for him for a couple of days.
He offers me ten, I says, "I'm your man,
For there's no gun ever made that I couldn't fan;
He says, "Get your saddle, ya big old Walloon."
We gets into his buckboard and rode to the saloon.

Well, standin' outside and him all alone,
Was an ugly old fella named Blueberry Stone.
His legs were splayed and he had pigeon toes,
Little pig eyes and a big Roman nose.
His ears were all pierced from the top to the tip,
And six forty-fives a-ridin' his hips,
He's ugly and old, and he swallers his chaw,
You can see with one eye he's a reg'lar outlaw.

Well I puts on my guns and likewise my boots,
And I says, "Hey, Blueberry, you're an ugly galoot!"
I knew him on sight, I'd dealty with him before,
I was powerful glad for my twin forty-fours,
Likewise my forty-fives, and my small twenty-two,
Three derringer guns, and my old thirty-two,
And the folks they all scattered to left and to right
Cuz no one in their right mind likes any gun fight.

He went for for his guns without even "My Lands!"
And before you could spit he had two in his hands
He hits me in hat and right near my left boot
While I was a-standin' there countin' my loot
But I slaps my leather while watchin' my step
For I'm still determined on buildin' a rep.
I puts one in his shoulder and one in the groin,
Yes, I'm slappin' leather and feelin' just fine.

Well, I dodge to the right and I dodge to the left
Cuz I don't want to leave all my kinfolk bereft.
I wheel and I turn and he does the same,
We both know the rules of the gunslingin' game
Then he runs out of guns to grab and to throw
But I've still got one and it's then that he knows
That at this gun flingin' he's sure met his match
And I throws it just like we're some kids playin' catch.

Well, I've known many gun flingers though out my life,
Some of 'em single and some with a wife,
But Blueberry Stone he was one of the best
He'd grab and he'd throw and outdo the rest,
But one thing I've learned as I've lived my long life
I can out-throw anyone with my Colt forty-five!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 15 - 05:20 PM

Back when I went to Basic Combat Training with the US Army I weighed in at 72 pounds and, at 4'8", was a puny weakling. Bigger guys were always kicking sand in my face and stealing my Coca-Cola as well as my girlfriend. Six months later, after good Army chow and training, I stood 6'2" and weighed 200 pounds, all muscle (except my brain). And the next time someone kicked sand in my face I taught him who was boss!

He was -- I'm not going to get hurt if I can avoid it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,gnu... where is my cookie?
Date: 13 Mar 15 - 03:59 PM

Best chicken stew yet. And I just made it to 174# this morning! Sigh. This is gonna be a rough Friday night. To stew or not to stew, that is the diet. Whether tis nobler to pig out or suffer the slings and arrows of the scales on the morrow... alas... I am... fuck it... I am piggin out! I'll lose the weight shovelling on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

Jaysus!!! this is tasty!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Mar 15 - 12:49 PM

I hear one of these produces excellent made-up monkey mulch. It'll hurl hunks of pseudonymous simian further than said simian can fling feces.


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