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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 05 Jan 17 - 12:06 PM
gnu 04 Jan 17 - 06:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jan 17 - 04:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jan 17 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 17 - 07:26 PM
Amos 03 Jan 17 - 03:40 AM
Rapparee 02 Jan 17 - 01:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 17 - 12:43 PM
gnu 02 Jan 17 - 10:41 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 17 - 10:35 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 17 - 09:34 AM
Amos 02 Jan 17 - 01:23 AM
Acme 01 Jan 17 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM
Acme 01 Jan 17 - 03:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jan 17 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 17 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 16 - 10:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Dec 16 - 06:28 PM
gnu 31 Dec 16 - 04:29 PM
gnu 31 Dec 16 - 07:25 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Dec 16 - 07:13 AM
gnu 31 Dec 16 - 05:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 16 - 10:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 16 - 09:14 AM
keberoxu 29 Dec 16 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 16 - 10:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 16 - 09:25 PM
Amos 28 Dec 16 - 06:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 16 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 28 Dec 16 - 05:56 AM
Rapparee 27 Dec 16 - 08:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 16 - 01:29 PM
keberoxu 27 Dec 16 - 11:15 AM
Amos 27 Dec 16 - 12:28 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Dec 16 - 09:51 PM
keberoxu 26 Dec 16 - 08:36 PM
Rapparee 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Dec 16 - 08:50 AM
Amos 26 Dec 16 - 01:57 AM
Acme 26 Dec 16 - 12:14 AM
keberoxu 25 Dec 16 - 08:24 PM
keberoxu 25 Dec 16 - 11:08 AM
Acme 25 Dec 16 - 10:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 16 - 08:36 AM
Amos 24 Dec 16 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 24 Dec 16 - 09:37 PM
Amos 24 Dec 16 - 02:29 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 12:06 PM

Some of my relatives showed up for my sister's funeral. I was surprised, not because they showed up (we do that sort of thing, if just to make sure the person is dead) but because I recognized some of them after 30+ years.

My sister left debts, but nobody seems to want a share.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 06:25 PM

Well... that's Kissmeass put away. Mum didn't put up very many decorations this year. She tires easily. Looked nice. Too bad my asshole English/Irish relatives didn't visit so she could show it off. She made their existence and prosperity possible but they are so self-absorbed, they can't even be arsed to show even a modicum of thanks with a short visit. Trash. Fuckin trash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 04:08 PM

Try this! Next time you order eggs in a restaurant and the waiter asks how you would like them say, "I would like them very much!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jan 17 - 09:57 PM

Amos, when you stop in Meridian, MS on the 14th, be sure to eat some cheese grits and fried catfish. I can't recommend a particular restaurant, but there's no need to. If it doesn't have golden arches, it'll probably have cheese grits and fried catfish. And if you can't find a restaurant the has them, just stand outside your motel holding up a sign that says, "Need cheese grits and fried catfish!" Somebody will help you out.

By the way, if you order a salad with your cheese grits and fried catfish, don't expect a salad fork. They are illegal in the southeast except in the Buckhead section of Atlanta and some parts of south Florida.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM

Looks like we'll be here for another week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 17 - 07:26 PM

Amen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 17 - 03:40 AM

We reek with fatigue; event he dog is muddled and lethargic, but in her case it's from sedatives required to allow the vet to express her anal sacs. No freedom of expressiont here; she must have heard about the election.

Anyway she (the dog) is coming out from under while we are juggling handymen, escrow papers, long distance checklists, and skittle-headed collywobbles in the buyer. We decided to buy the used riding mower in North Carolina, and the left-over propane fuel, and get the spark arrestor put back in where it was airlifted out of the chimney here, but not to tent on the basis of vapours in the buyer here; of such stuff our days are made.

It still looks like our itinerary will be Cottonwood on the 11th, El Paso ont he 12th, Fort Worth on the 13th, Meridien MS on the 14th, Charlotte NC on the 15th and Hillsborough NC on the 16th of January.

LEt us pray.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 01:59 PM

Beautiful day yesterday, no ice. Cloudy today and a misty rain sometimes. Current temp 44F, about the same as yesterday.

She has some very vibrant colors, but black and blue really don't look good on her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 12:43 PM

Speaking of tumblers, did you know that the reason large drinking vessels with no handles are called "tumblers" is because they were originally made with rounded bottoms? They were used in pubs and the rounded bottoms were meant to discourage nursing of drinks. If you can't set your pint on the bar, you're going to drink it up and either order another or leave and give your spot to someone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 10:41 AM

Oh dear! I hope she gets some good drugs for the pain. Dislocated fingers can be a real ouch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 10:35 AM

♫♫♫♫

See them tumbling down
When there is ice on the ground
And rubber boots can't be found
Slipping along with the tumbling tumblers

♫♫♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 09:34 AM

Sorry to hear of the Missus's injuries. Yes, a dislocated finger and a bruised knee are consistent with what one would expect from taking a tumble. More serious injuries, such as broken bones and severe abrasions, do not result from tumbles. They are caused by genuine old-fashioned ass-busting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 01:23 AM

Heal, heal! We spent last night with friends seeing the NY in in NY and then today they threw a farewell party for us, too. Very touching and sweet, a large cadre of dear friends promising to come use outr guest room in North Carolina. We may be starting a movement.

I am exhausted.

Good night, Mom! Happy New YEar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 10:45 PM

Oh, dear. My best wishes and I hope the rest of the trip is smooth sailing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM

It's really exciting sitting in the emergency room while your wife has xrays and things. Fortunately her tumble only resulted in a dislocated left index finger and a badly bruised left knee. I discovered the yes, your cell phone will indeed work outside your area code for calling 911.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 03:25 PM

Perhaps she drank the bottle while seated under one of those Australian pines. Not a pine, despite the look, and with the interesting name She-oak (according to Wikipedia).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 01:02 PM

Easy with the big, bold, all caps stuff there, Rap. Mom's trying to recover from that bottle of scorpion and snake wine she drank last night. She doesn't really have a hangover, just pervasive doubts about her own sanity for having actually consumed a bottle of scorpion and snake wine, especially since there was no double-dog-dare involved.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 11:40 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MOM!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 10:43 PM

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your trees up down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 06:28 PM

Another tree on which there are no bag limits in Florida is the Australian Pine (Casuarina cunninghamiana), an invasive species which has virtually taken over parts of south Florida, including The Everglades.

Not only are there no bag limits, but there are no restrictions on the types of sporting arms one may use to take them. Whereas most tree species may be taken by anything from a single-shot .22 to a semi-automatic assault rifle, Australian pines may be blasted with anything you want. Machine guns, flamethrowers, tanks, howitzers, barrel bombs, backpacks full of C-4, you name it. If you can make it go "POW!", "BOOM!", or "WHOOSH!" you can use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 04:29 PM

I am Irish but so are the Scots even though they wear skirts instead of kilts. So, in the spirit of kinship, LET'S GET PISSED!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 07:25 AM

I don't like tallow trees... stick to the roof of my mouth and even the gravy is tough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 07:13 AM

In general, there's a four tree per species bag limit on trees, with a maximum of twelve trees of all species combined. Pecan trees may only be taken by landowners or their guests shooting on their own property. There's no bag limit on yaupon holly, smooth sumac, or Chinese tallow tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 05:29 AM

What's the bag limit down there, BWL? Is it an overall limit of all species or is it by species? I find a ratio of three birch to one spruce is a nice blend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 16 - 10:19 PM

Hi, Mom! I had a very relaxing interlude this afternoon. I sat outside here at my humble home in the woods for a half-hour or so and did nothing but listen to the sounds of Mother Nature. The predominant sounds were the cawing of crows, the barking of squirrels, and the crazy Woody Woodpecker calls of pileated woodpeckers, all against a steady background of the "pop-pop-pop" of semi-automatic rifle fire. And way off in the distance, I could hear the ring of cash register bells at the local gun shop as they rang up a a few hundred more rounds of 7.62×39mm ammo for Bubba and Jim Bob to blast hell out of a few more pine trees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 16 - 09:14 AM

I will be on an extended errand-running excursion today, and may not return to Momland until after 4:20 PM Mudcat time. So, I'm tossing this pair of water wings to Mom just in case. Please note that water wings are toys, not life-saving devices, and should only be used with adult supervision. At least that's what the label says, though I have no idea exactly where adult supervision may be found on this thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 04:20 PM

Foam pool noodles, indeed....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 10:10 PM

Playing in the key of GOB?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 09:25 PM

The problem with giving roads a letter instead of a name or nunber is that the names of over a third of the letters in our alphabet rhyme.

"Did you say turn left onto P and then right onto C?"

"No I said turn left onto B and then right onto Z."

Same problem as calling the key at noisy jam sessions. "Did you say 'D'?" "No, I said 'G'." "Oh, 'B'!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 06:05 PM

The map is not the territory, even when it talks funny. Thus spake Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 09:55 AM

Be careful driving in Missouri, Rap. Their secondary roads often have letters instead of numbers or real names. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it just seems a bit weird to those of us from numbered/named road territory. There's something disconcerting about driving on "J" or "EE" instead of "State Highway 4" or "Old Martin Road".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 05:56 AM

See ya this evening, Mom, if not sooner. Then I'll be in a foreign land, far from here. Yes, Mom, tonight I'll be in Saint Louis, Misery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 08:47 PM

Odd. They don't seem to break out in recruiting offices, police stations, gun stores, farm and ranch stores, biker and cowboy bars.... Then I try to shop at locally owned stores, then box stores like Home Depot, and then online. I can't remember the last time I was in an enclosed mall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 01:29 PM

Yes, there seems to be an inexplicable rash of brawls breaking out in shopping malls. I don't understand it, but I don't understand why people go to malls in the first place. I would be more personally concerned if a rash of fights should break out in feed and hardware stores.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 11:15 AM

Stilly River Sage, what the heck gives in Fort Worth -- the mall fight -- aren't they above that sort of thing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 12:28 AM

Hello, Central! Give Mom's BS!
Of all the world's web sites, hers is the best6!
So hello, Central, give me Mom's BS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 PM

I shan't be totally cut off. I shall have my notebook computer, and Quincy, Illinois has Internet access. First you have to ring up Central and tell Elsie you need a connection....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:51 PM

We are well stocked with lifesaving devices to help ensure Mom's personal safety during Amos and Rap's absence. We have a life ring with rope, several life vests, a canoe, and a couple of foam pool noodles. And we promise to sign up for a CPR class at the Red Cross ASAP.

And, in the event the old bat doesn't feel like being saved, we also have a couple of anchors, lots of chain, and numerous concrete blocks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 08:36 PM

While Amos makes ready to move from blue to red geographically, and His Imperious Rapness honors his obligations to his family of origin, don't forget to keep MOAB above the surface.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 AM

Either Amos is getting smarter or he's been around a heckuva lot longer than we've been led to believe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 08:50 AM

Amos is right. The distribution of Democrats throughout the US is heavily skewed toward the west coast. The power of Californians' votes is diluted because Democratic candidates always win there. A massive campaign needs to be undertaken to encourage California Democrats to settle in states where Republicans often win by narrow margins, where a Democratic vote will have some real meaning. A nobler form of self-sacrifice is hard to imagine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 01:57 AM

It reminds me of the Spanish Civil War when Americans with little to gain shipped out to put their lives on the lines because fascism just stinks, is what. It stinks even worse within our own nation. I am volunteering for the NC Regulators.

It's coming soon, boys and girls!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 12:14 AM

Seventy-six degrees here today. Right now there's a dry line running from near Fayetteville, Arkansas to near my area of North Texas. Thunderstorms for xmas. Not only can I not offer MOM a white xmas, I can't even offer her a cool xmas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:24 PM

Listen up, folks;
Rapparee is going to be preoccupied for the next seven days or more, so it's up to the rest of us to keep MOM buoyant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 11:08 AM

Gnu, I hope the results are everything you desire and nothing that you dread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 10:56 AM

It may be xmas today, but I still have to mow the lawn (I'll wait till afternoon, when everyone has departed for the movie theaters to see the latest blockbusters). Our holiday is deferred until later in the week.

I must admit that up and leaving the balmy shores of San Diego to race east to the fraught mess that is North Carolina does seem like a retrograde move. Register to vote as soon as possible - that might make all the difference!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:36 AM

Merry Christmas, Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 10:51 PM

Not bad, really, except for the grim macabre undercurrents . Really, it must be brutally cold up where Rapaire sits and strives his grimly rhymes to cast. I imagine his poor head, his desk, and his humble bed are just covered in rime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 09:37 PM

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this son of Jessup;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the San Diego ocean are sunk.
Now are his hands bound with victorious laurels;
His bruised and calloused fingers hung up for monuments;
His stern songs changed to merry meanderings,
His dreadful pickings to delightful measures.
Grim-visaged Euterpe hath smooth'd his wrinkled melodies;
And now, instead of using dreadful chords
To fright the souls of other musicians,
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber
To the lascivious pleasing of a banjo.

         -- R. I. Lockitor, Sharp Flats Are Natural
      (Merde-on-head, Shropshire: Lascivious Caperings Press, 1588).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 02:29 PM

The winter of our sad dementia
Now has shown its mark
And rudely claimed its place
Amongst the ills of men. Now
Has our Brother Michael shewn
His cracked and frozen spirit to us all,
His heart full-frozen in cruel Winter's thrall
And all that once was kind, or nice
Has fled him, in a flight from ice.
Thus has a noble spirit left behind
Only the shell of a much, much younger mind
That spits and wails, demeaning honest folk
Discoloring their discourse with crude bathroom jokes.
Go to! Go to! Your soul has not yet died,
Go seek the solace of your fireside
And when in warmth and comfort are made whole,
Return and show thine higher, better soul!

Oliver Jakes Philler
April, 1813
Rhymes for Raparacious Reasoning
Diddle, Squat and Dripp, pubs.,
Micturition-on-Monde, Essex


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