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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,The Galactic Overlord 31 Mar 15 - 04:00 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 31 Mar 15 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 15 - 01:03 PM
gnu 31 Mar 15 - 07:14 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Mar 15 - 05:39 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Mar 15 - 05:26 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Mar 15 - 05:21 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 15 - 05:16 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Mar 15 - 05:16 PM
Acme 30 Mar 15 - 02:39 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 15 - 02:33 PM
gnu 30 Mar 15 - 12:01 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 15 - 11:06 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Mar 15 - 09:57 AM
Rapparee 30 Mar 15 - 09:03 AM
Amos 30 Mar 15 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 15 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 15 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 15 - 09:17 AM
Amos 28 Mar 15 - 11:58 PM
GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere 28 Mar 15 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 15 - 09:33 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Mar 15 - 08:12 PM
gnu 28 Mar 15 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 15 - 06:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Mar 15 - 04:52 PM
GUEST,# 28 Mar 15 - 04:36 PM
Amos 28 Mar 15 - 04:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Mar 15 - 01:28 PM
GUEST 28 Mar 15 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 28 Mar 15 - 08:49 AM
Acme 28 Mar 15 - 12:57 AM
Amos 28 Mar 15 - 12:52 AM
Amos 27 Mar 15 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 10:23 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 08:28 PM
gnu 27 Mar 15 - 07:59 PM
Amos 27 Mar 15 - 07:46 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 04:58 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Mar 15 - 11:02 AM
Rapparee 27 Mar 15 - 09:52 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Mar 15 - 06:31 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Mar 15 - 05:47 AM
Acme 26 Mar 15 - 10:22 PM
GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River 26 Mar 15 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Mar 15 - 07:20 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 15 - 06:33 PM
gnu 26 Mar 15 - 01:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Galactic Overlord
Date: 31 Mar 15 - 04:00 PM

Apes are tasty if cooked right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 Mar 15 - 03:24 PM

Scared, aren'tcha, Rap? Scared of what ZALOXX can do to wipe yer specist synapses clean! Yessir, there are gonna be big changes...and yer kind of ape-hatin' people will soon be nothin' but a dimly remembered relic of history.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 15 - 01:03 PM

It's finally happened. Chongo has been caught up and is living in a computer game. Her/his mind, feeble at best, has snapped. Time for the thorazine and straitjacket, I guess (a lobotomy wouldn't work, as frontal lobes are necessary).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 15 - 07:14 AM

In like a lamb, out like a lamb. But it F'in roared in between. Good riddance says I.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 05:39 PM

You are jumpin' the gun with the idea about the drones, Rap. Sure, ZALOXX can be spread around to prejudiced populations by drones...but we ain't gonna do that until after I am elected, see?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 05:26 PM

**Okay....some Republicans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 05:21 PM

Dang! There's a typo on the last ZALOXX in that ad. It ain't got the two X's at the end. I gotta talk to quality control about that, pronto.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 05:16 PM

Can I fill them with paint? How about water and food coloring? Can they be dropped from a drone? Can I fill them with water and then freeze them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 05:16 PM

Do you harbor unspoken resentment against apes and monkeys? Do you resent them getting equal pay and equal rights alongside humans? Do you think they smell bad? Do you think that NO ape should ever get to be president of the USA? If so, you need ZALOXX!!! ZALOXX! is a brand new preparation made with 17 different secret ingredients from the jungles of Africa, South America, and Borneo. ZALOXX! transforms closet specists and even outright primate-hating, obscenity spewing bigots of the worst sort from prejudiced creeps who use words like "p**pflinger" into tolerant, unprejudiced people who don't object in the least if their daughter shows up at the door with a handsome Chimpanzee on her arm, but invite the happy couple inside for a cool drink and a cheerful family gathering at the dinner table. Yes, whether you are white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American or from any other known human demographic, ZALOXX! will turn YOU into a primate-loving person who wants nothing more than to embrace his or her primate ape and monkey cousins with love, acceptance, and consideration. Don't hesitate! Order a yearly supply of ZALOXX! NOW!!!!!!!!!!...and see the incredible results work their magic in just a few days! NOoooooooooo SHIPPING CHARGE!!! Remember the name. ZALOXX!!!!!!!!!!! That's ZALOXX!!!!!!! You WILL order some now and you WILL vote for Chongo Chimp in 2016. Depend on it. It EVEN works on Republicans!*

*(Well, most Republicans...)

(Note: sale of ZALOX is banned in Texas. But that don't stop you from crossing the state line to get some, does it? ACT NOW!!!)

Call 1-800-APE-LOVE or go to the APP website and order online!

This message has been brought to you by the American Primate Party, 2015. "We aren't just monkeying around."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 02:39 PM

Forget the droopy ears, what you really need is to be prepared to beat the summer heat. You need

ZORBZ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 02:33 PM

'S also good for keepin' yer head parts outa the weather and from gettin' stuff in yer hair when yer bucked off in the corral. Ya kin use it ta haul water ta yer cayuse, as a nose bag, ta fan the fire, an' ta distract the cows when they stompede. Ya kin also wave it on the end of a stick ta draw fire from the owlhoots an' ta signal folks ta ride around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 12:01 PM

Never thought I'd say this but I am with the monkey on this one. That there kinda hat is the absolute best fer bullin through the woods. Keeps the pine needles n such outta yer ears when yer goin through small pines like one-by-ones. Them there is pines what's one inch in diameter and one inch apart. Now, that might be a "little thick" but not by much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 11:06 AM

Dear Dumbchimp,

I have a suit, a tie, a fedora, and a trench coat...and don't doubt it.

That's MY picture, you dumbchimp! Who do you think taught Bogart?

Come around to the Bourbon Barrel sometime and I'll introduce you to my barrel. .38 or .45, take your pick. As you'll say, "Ook! Ook! Ouchyhurty!" Then I'll see your funeral makes a big splash.


Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 09:57 AM

Naw....this is the ultimate hat. When (and if) you ever grow up, Rap, you will understand that.

http://media.liveauctiongroup.net/i/12009/12108226_1.jpg?v=8CEC5E09EE2D2B0

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 09:03 AM

The one with the eye patch. Geez, I thought you'd recognize me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 15 - 12:19 AM

WHich one are you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 15 - 10:10 PM

Mah hat is hyar, pardner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 15 - 06:44 PM

Now, you need a hat like mine. You're old enough to have seen it on Red Skelton.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 15 - 09:17 AM

I see. 100X buffalo chip, and you pawned the gold and diamond hatband for cash to support your guitar habit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 11:58 PM

No, Michael, mine is Buffalo felt, no buckles, dark brown.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Wilfred Pennifere
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 10:48 PM

Omigod! Omigod! I must order a year's supply of Otoblast! I would guess that is about 8 bottles? This is the answer! Finally my long years of ignominious failure with women and scorn from the world at large are going to end! Omigod!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 09:33 PM

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?


If so, you need Otoblast!r. Otoblast!r shrinks low-hanging ears in 10 days or your money refunded! Otoblast!r contains no harmful combination of drugs, but only herbs and spices, and its chemistry is totally organic! So if you have ever been embarrassed by tripping over your ears when dancing or had a bully kick sand in the porches of your ears, order Otoblast!r now! And if you act within the next ten minutes, we'll send you not one, not two, but four containers of Otoblast!r and a full-scale applicator! Just call 1-800-OTO-BLAST now and give the operator you name, address, and credit card information! And -- did we mention? -- shipping is absolutely free!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 08:12 PM

It ain't THIS page that can't be displaid, it is THAT page. I know coz of I am lookin' at THIS page.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 06:20 PM

Guest was me. And, Rap... this page can't be displayed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 06:17 PM

Well, no, Amos. Shot, maybe. But turned into tree fruit -- nah. You can wear a derby or one of them other head critters. Just don't frighten the horses and ladies.

But I wonder...and I can't tell from the photos. Is this your hat, only soiled with the dust of a thousand cattle trails and of a hundred hard rock mines?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 04:52 PM

This post is not prime. You can tell because it's still green.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,#
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 04:36 PM

This is another prime post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 04:02 PM

I think his meds need to be changed to something a bit less bitter. He's perfectly capable of looking at ACTUAL pictures of my cowboy hat rather than his queasy-headed fantasies fueled by his desire to condescend at any cost. DIssing a feller's hat is not mannerly; out here in the REAL West, men have been strung up for less.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 01:28 PM

This is post #52101 which, just by coincidence, is the US Postal Service's Zip Code for Decorah, Iowa. The fact that this post links Decorah, Iowa with The Mother of All BS Threads is, perhaps, the most momentous occasion in the history of Decorah, Iowa. Or maybe not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 11:21 AM

How are the meds, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 08:49 AM

Yes, I liked Amos in the red one with the white edge lacing. And he had his two little cap guns on! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 12:57 AM

The guys looked cute in their cowboy hats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 15 - 12:52 AM

Rapp:

From your chill and aloof and remote perspective, you are drawing seriously mistaken conclusions. WE rocked the house. WE were the earthquake. WE made the ladies jump and shout.

Go suck a lemon, thou bitter critic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 11:28 PM

There is something inherently undignified--not to say well below the salt--about bragging and exaggerating about one's deeds in discourse with an imaginary character. It's just too--too, ya know? Like marrying someone in trade.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 10:23 PM

Well, Mr. Shame, I might be "layed up" but I would like you to come visit me. I can promise you a good time and perhaps even some money. We usually pass the hat up at the Idaho Legion Hut when someone truly unusual shows up. You could get even more money if you won at poker. Lots more. But if you try any funny stuff, the fellas might take offense and, if you are very lucky, just stomp the ever-loving crap out of you. Of course, if they did beat the crap out of you I could send you home in a small envelope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM

Don't misunderestimate ME, Rap! People who do that only get to do it like once, eh? I been nice coz of you got layed up and all but don't flippin' test my patients!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 08:28 PM

Amos, mon vieux, I hate to tell you this but someone should. You did not "rock the house." That was an earthquake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 07:59 PM

I saw a pic on the Facebook, A. You look mahhhvelous. And it's better to look good than to feel good. You know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 07:46 PM

Well, unlike Rapparee the guy who assaulted me with razors came back a week later to apologize. My eyes are settling down well--I still look like someone got at me, but it heals a bit more every day and I don't have to wear tape on them. So I have taken to going out nights to clubs where they put me on exhibit and make me perform strange primitive rituals involving loud rhythms, vociferous exaltations of few syllables, and a number of sidemen urging me on. Last night was the Navajo Live, and we rocked the house to the max.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 04:58 PM

Don, maybe. You'd just get hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 11:02 AM

Holy FLIP, man! Sounds like a flippin' nightmare, eh? But at least you put up a good flippin' fight and gave 'em all somethin' to remember. It sounds to me like you fought like a flippin' McBride and done yer fambly proud, Rap. Too bad Don and me was not there to help you. We woulda put the flippin' boots to them people that cut you up and then we could of took out the nurses after, eh? Too bad.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 09:52 AM

Shame, here's what happened.

I went into the hospital to have two hernias -- one on each side -- repaired (this was probably caused by hard work, so you're safe). After a bunch of paperwork they put me in a bed and stuck a needle in the back of my hand. That didn't work so they stuck in in my arm. Then they gave me some of that Hillbilly Heroin and then put some stuff in the water dripping into the needle to make me sleep. That was okay, but a guy came at me with knife! I took it away from him when two big guys grabbed me and threw me back on the table...I was pretty woozy from the stuff by then or I would have thrown them out the window (I did throw one out). They held me down and put a little mask on me and I passed out. It was then that I was shaved (I didn't know they took a picture!) and they started cutting and hacking away but even unconscious I didn't let 'em near any Important Parts even though did id hear cries of amazement and delight from the ladies present and shouts of jealousy from the men. Anyway, the next thing I knew was waking up and a hospital orderly dressing me and hurrying me out "before the student nurses find you and Have Their Way with you." I did manage to kick the first guy with a knife right in his family jewels, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 06:31 AM

Rapparee post surgery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Mar 15 - 05:47 AM

It could be worse. I'd rather wake up after surgery and find some of my bodily hair missing than find hair growing where none was before. Especially if said hair looked like it had been grafted from one of Chongo's relatives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 10:22 PM

When nurses shave you when you're asleep, you never know what you'll find when you awaken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 10:07 PM

Holy Flip, Rap! It sounds like you got worked over by a flippin' chimp!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 09:03 PM

And they SHAVED certain parts!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 07:20 PM

My God, I'm so inspired! Makes me want to give myself a hernia just so I can get it fixed and be as brave and resilient as our brother Rap!

Nah! I'll find some way to be brave and resilient that doesn't involve pain. Or, if I can't find one, screw courage and resilience. Who needs 'em?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 06:33 PM

I'm in constant pain from which I almost pass out. I only keep consciousness by thinking of sunshine and fresh air and flowers and bunnies. My Lower Frontal Regions look like they were worked over with a club There are three holes in my lower tummy and they were not stitched shut but closed with some sort of "skin sealant" (i.e., I'm glued shut). I can shower, for which I have already received thank-you cards from the neighbors. But I am strong, I will survive, I will conquer! Excelsior! Don't Give Up The Ship! The Show Must Go On! Remember the Alamo! Remember the Maine! If I Give Up, The Terrorists Win! The Guard Dies But Never Surrenders! All For One and One For All! Follow Me! Come on you sons-of-bitches, do you want to live forever? Die Gedanken Sind Frei! Workers of the World, Arise! etc. etc. etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Mar 15 - 01:02 PM

I've always wanted to see Mollie's Nipple. Well, both, actually. The love of my life looked a lot like Molly Ringwald. I was a grad student and "taught a tutorial class" for a prof that didn't have a clue about finance... imagine a city planner not understanding the value of money over time as it applies to cost-benefit analyses! 80 some students every class because all he did was tell them to "read the book" and assigned assignments... twit! Anyway, she was an undergrad and the very first time she walked into my class... my lust melted. Skip ahead. We were secretly engaged and awaiting her graduation for the formal announcement. Then, a family tragedy struck and I had to go home to take care of it. I was so in love that I forced her hand... announce or break up. She could not as it was a Romeo and Juliet thing... poor Irish/French Cat'lic boy marries the daughter of a mucky-muck Assistant Deputy Minister and head Presbyterian Elder in the capitol city? That's when I started drinking. Fuck I was stupid. BTW... she became president of NB's association of pro engineers... so I actually did teach her more than just lust and love. Or so I would like to think.

I almost deleted all of that text. Fact is, I wish I could delete it from my brain without alcohol... alcohol only works temporarily.

So, more importantly, an update from A on the surgery recovery would be appreciated. Also, how are you doing with your slice and dice, Rap?


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