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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 21 Apr 14 - 09:30 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 14 - 10:14 PM
gnu 22 Apr 14 - 06:57 AM
Amos 22 Apr 14 - 12:02 PM
Acme 22 Apr 14 - 03:38 PM
Acme 22 Apr 14 - 03:39 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 14 - 06:52 PM
gnu 23 Apr 14 - 05:49 AM
Amos 23 Apr 14 - 02:45 PM
Acme 23 Apr 14 - 05:14 PM
Amos 24 Apr 14 - 12:07 AM
PHJim 24 Apr 14 - 11:38 AM
Amos 24 Apr 14 - 06:37 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 14 - 09:53 PM
Amos 25 Apr 14 - 01:29 AM
gnu 25 Apr 14 - 07:14 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 14 - 10:26 AM
gnu 25 Apr 14 - 11:16 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 14 - 02:08 PM
Acme 25 Apr 14 - 03:52 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 14 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 14 - 09:34 AM
gnu 26 Apr 14 - 10:36 AM
Acme 26 Apr 14 - 11:27 AM
Amos 26 Apr 14 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 14 - 10:52 PM
Amos 27 Apr 14 - 01:39 AM
Rapparee 27 Apr 14 - 07:58 AM
gnu 27 Apr 14 - 08:52 AM
Amos 27 Apr 14 - 03:21 PM
gnu 27 Apr 14 - 04:48 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 14 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 14 - 08:11 PM
Amos 28 Apr 14 - 12:32 AM
gnu 28 Apr 14 - 09:50 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 14 - 10:02 AM
Acme 28 Apr 14 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 14 - 02:32 PM
Amos 28 Apr 14 - 08:18 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 14 - 09:16 PM
Amos 29 Apr 14 - 12:25 AM
gnu 29 Apr 14 - 07:19 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 14 - 10:09 AM
Acme 29 Apr 14 - 05:35 PM
gnu 29 Apr 14 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 14 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 14 - 10:23 AM
Amos 30 Apr 14 - 11:26 AM
Acme 30 Apr 14 - 12:27 PM
gnu 30 Apr 14 - 12:41 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 14 - 09:30 PM

Chongo better watch his back - Songwronger started a thread in his name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 14 - 10:14 PM

I wondered about that. Been out most of the day and just saw it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Apr 14 - 06:57 AM

I prefer Correlle plates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 14 - 12:02 PM

Advicwe from a country singer:

Keep your taint clean
Keep your taint clean
If it ain't clean
It's a mean scene, they say.
Though it ain't seen
On the big screen
Keep your taint clean anyway.

When I was just a little sprat my Mom would tell me son
There are no certain rules to win this life you have begun
There's good folks and there's bad folks
And some are just plain mean
But I know your life will go much better
If you keep that taint place clean.

Keep your taint clean
Keep your taint clean
If it ain't clean
It's a mean scene, they say.
Though it ain't seen
'Til your late teens
Keep your taint clean anyway.

Well I pretty much ignored my Mom, and her crazy old belief
I always used deodorant and mostly brushed my teeth
And the kids in grade school liked me, 'cuz they thought that I was bold
And I never gave a thought when young to what happened in the fold.
But Moma said:

Keep your taint clean
Keep your taint clean
If it ain't clean
It's a mean scene, they say.
Though it ain't seen
On the big screen
Keep your taint clean anyway.

But when I became a teenager, I fell for Sally Payne
She taught me lots about good love, I nearly went insane.
When she told me it was over, I felt all crushed and faint
And I asked her what had happened and she told me "It's your taint"

Keep your taint clean
Keep your taint clean
If it ain't clean
It's a mean scene, they say.
Though it ain't seen
'Til the love scene
Keep your taint clean anyway.

Well that was fifteen years ago, and now I have a boy
He's just as smart as anything, the perfect lady toy.
And when he asks me for advice, to lead him to success
I must admit I don't know much, about how to dine or dress

But I tell him…

Keep your taint clean
Keep your taint clean
If it ain't clean
It's a mean scene, they say.
Though it ain't seen
On the big screen
Keep your taint clean anyway.

So if you're looking for a clue toy get along in life
To understand the way to please a girlfriend or a wife
Although its often out of sight, and spends its days unseen
Your chance for love will come to nought
If you don't keep your taint clean.

Keep your taint clean
Keep your taint clean
If it ain't clean
It's a mean scene, they say.
Though it ain't seen
On the big screen
Keep your taint clean anyway..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 14 - 03:38 PM

Little Hawk seems to have blossomed lately - he's posting all sorts of photos of himself on facebook. I'm sure I'm not the only one to point out that he looks more than a little like Bob Dylan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 14 - 03:39 PM

That would be BEFORE Dylan's face sort of imploded from hard living.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 14 - 06:52 PM

Notice that they are all old pix of LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:49 AM

Taint that the truth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:45 PM

What--you didn't like the C&W song?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:14 PM

What's the tune?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 12:07 AM

The chorus goes "Da dee DD dummm, Da-dee DAH dum, Da-dee DAH dum, da-dee DAH dum" 2x.

The verse is just reg'l'ar.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: PHJim
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:38 AM

Please folks, do NOT post without first reading all previous posts in the thread. This is getting repetitious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 06:37 PM

What's getting re[etitious? That is to say, is there a referent for the pronoun "this" in your sentence? What is the antecedent to which you wish to ascribe repetitiousness?   I mean, whachoo saying is redundant? Is there something particular you had in mind or were referring to as being repetitious? If so, clarify what it was? Or do I need to spell it out?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 09:53 PM

But not only have we READ all of the previous posts, we CREATED most of them.

Except for me, of course. I created everything and those posting here or anywhere are simply doing my bidding as scribes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 01:29 AM

You are an arrogant unmitigated falsifier of truths, Sirrah, and a rogue and ne'erdowell, a scoffwit and a nitlaw. That's probably why Mom loves you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 07:14 AM

9 attempts and I finally get a box to post in... it it WILL post. I forget what I was gonna post.

Oh yeah! Ya know how that first pristine blanket of snow makes the trees pretty and the ground look 'clean' and the air smell fresher and ya think kindly of it even though ya know winter is just beginning? Well, that has worn pretty fuckin thin. All I got left is knowing this &(^%*!#in crap is gonna melt and it's gonna look messy and dirty and I hope it happens fast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 10:26 AM

I knew you guys would say that because I desired that you do so.

Oh, by the way -- Amos keeps a Usufruct in his house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 11:16 AM

How can ya 'keep' one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 02:08 PM

Well, it's sorta expensive to feed, but SoCal people are all rich Republicans or they couldn't afford to live there. Cleaning up after it is the real problem, but Amos probably gets over-wintering Canadians to do such dirty work as that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 03:52 PM

not only have we READ all of the previous posts, we CREATED most of them.

Some of us have tried not to spread that news around, considering much of it was written while we were on the clock. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 09:06 PM

I'm retired. But I would CERTAINLY never ever do such a thing in the past. I needed a job because I wasn't a wealthy SoCal Republican; now I live off of the crumbs that fall from the tables of the wealthy. I cannot work, for my physical disabilities preclude it. Of course, I have no mental disabilities. Hmmm...perhaps I'll create myself some. What's the point of creating everything if you can't have a little fun with it?:


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 09:34 AM

Over twelve hours since I -- and I alone -- last posted. Half a day for Mom, gone, pfft!

Ou sont les merdes de tauraux d'antan?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 10:36 AM

I tried to post over 12 times... no box to type in.

"taureaux"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 11:27 AM

No box to type in? Try another browser.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 02:15 PM

A dedication to witless solipsism, the greatest oxymoron of our times. Of course that depends on whose moronic oxey is getting gored. But as oxeys go, our local solipsist stands with the Bushes of the world, entirely un-Gored.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 10:52 PM

You should be pleased to know that, if I should die, I have arranged for this creation of mine to continue. Of course, "death" is just another name for willing myself into another form.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 01:39 AM

It really is a closed loop, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 07:58 AM

The Universe expands, the Universe contracts, the Universe expands. Waddaya expect? It's simpler that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 08:52 AM

Don't matter the browser. I get half way in, sometimes, and it stalls. Then, if I get in, I read the latest BS and scroll down to post, only to find a wall before the posting box. Then, after several more attempts, I give up. Today... no problems... yet. We'll see if this posts.

For the record, I have to BS to peddle today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 03:21 PM

"The eye of the solipsist sees all, and finds it good; at least until he steps back from the mirror."

Mother of all BS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 04:48 PM

Progess, perhaps. Only four attempts to post "no".

There shoulda been a no. I am solopissed over such a blatant omission in my submission. Please accept my self-admonition in my admission of... I need a nap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 08:09 PM

I know you were have that happen and will tell you that it is not your fault. Nor is it my fault, except as far as I thought up Amos in a moment of madness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 08:11 PM

Well, actually it was a moment of boredom, but that's not as alliterative.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 12:32 AM

I would prefer that the Source of All My Being be able to write coherent, grammatical sentences, if you don't mind. Any more funny business and I'll pull your license to operate a Solipsistic Bubble. Or is it more like a bubo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 09:50 AM

You seem a touch owly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 10:02 AM

If you went good grammar you should find some body with a bigger degree in English than my poor little BA.

And it's not a bubo, it's a chancre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 12:30 PM

My English degree is bigger, but I won't make the claim that it helps, at least not here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 02:32 PM

This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say "To-morrow is Saint Crispian."
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say "These wounds I had on Crispian's day."
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 08:18 PM

Hell, if you must plagiarize, do it from the best.


A


Some things never change....

I had a friend, upon a time, and a mighty friend was he.
His tongue went loop-de-loop-de-loop, and his blade went "Snicker! Snee!".
His fingers typed words of delight
Dancing like light gone mad,
But he disappeared quite late, one night,
And the story turned out bad.

It seems his door was knocked upon,
When most folks were in bed,
By two large gents in wrinkled suits
And large, and wrinkled, heads.
They said he had been singled out,
That someone Big was pissed,
Berated him as a useless lout,
And a goddamned plagiarist.

They listed tomes and poems and works
He'd borrowed for a while,
And touted up and frilled out
In inimitable style.
The said he'd never paid a dime
To those whose works he'd borrow,
And all of this was coming back,
To visit him with sorrow.

They told him he was going away,
Into the darkling deeps
Where bad men worry through the day,
And fret too much to sleep.
Where hard men break, and life is hard,
And you scramble for what you get,
And there's no such thing as e-mail,
OR a high-speed Internet.

My friend, he blanched, he paled, he flinched,
He knew that he'd done wrong,
He knew that even then his screen
Held a half-baked stolen song.
He realized then -- too late, too late --
He should have listened, way back when,
To his dear Mom; too late, too late,
He was heard from ne'er again.

And so I come to this Cafe,
To write, and to forget,
But something still recalls to me
This friend I think on yet.
I never learned if he had ever
re-crossed that chilling schism
That split him from the world he loved,
On account of plagiarism.

So good folks all, pray heed this call,
Think of this man, cast doon,
And make your good works all your own,
From your own hand, alone.
Steal not the works of other men,
Or lines of other poets;
For if you do, they'll come for you,
And everyone will know it.

Seamus Sanmerci O'Toole
Lilting the Right -- Poems from the Lexington Express
Dublin Upp Press, New York, 1937


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 09:16 PM

I'm sorry for your friend. The Plagiarism Police (a/k/a the Stanza Stoolies) are known as being difficult to deal with. I usually use a .45.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 12:25 AM

What could be more ironic than a solipsist practicing plagiarism and then feeling sorry for himself, because, having stolen the works of Himself, he got in trouble with his own creations, who failed to realize he was actually the victim in the situation!

Ah woe,
Ah me,
Shame on many personalities!
Ah woe,
Ah me,
SHame on I and on myself and me!

This could be the beginning of a very funny [parody....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 07:19 AM

Sanmerci... new to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 10:09 AM

Have a drink, and I don't mean tea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 05:35 PM

How are you these days, Rap? Up and walking around unassisted?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 09:39 PM

I think she means physically unassisted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 10:13 PM

Daily I arise from a bed of excruciating pain and using every piece of furniture for assistance work my way to the bathroom for more pain medications. After managing to get back in bed I wait an hour or so for the meds to kick in and then I work my way to the kitchen for breakfast. Then I dab at my body with a sponge in an attempt to bathe and then fall back in bed to recover enough energy to brush my teeth. I dress -- slowly and painfully -- and then go down to the Elks Lodge for coffee or out to collect the mail at the PO. I drive, of course, and I have to work the clutch in the car with my stick instead of my left leg. My life is painful and sometimes I pass out from the pain but I know that pain is only the weakness coming out and that whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger and if there is no pain there is no gain.

So I bear up as best I can in the face of great difficulties and will, with the help of my walking stick, eventually again be able to resume an abnormal life.


(I'm doing okay. Don't believe the guy who wrote the above.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 10:23 AM

Disgusting. Mom at the very, very bottom, all too soon to vanish into Max's Great Bit Bucket.

That did it. Oh no.

An old programmer went 'boarding out one dark and windy day
Upon a tube he rested as he went along his way
When all at once a mighty bunch of ancient code he saw
Flowin' through the ragged cards and up a cloudy draw.

Their bytes were still on fire and their holes were punched by steel
Their IBMs were black and shiny and their hot chads he could feel
A bolt of fear went through him as they fluttered through the sky
For he saw the coders comin' hard and he heard their mournful cries

Yippie i ohhh
Yippie i aye
Bit buckets in the sky

Their faces pale, their eyes were glazed
Their tee shirts soaked with sweat
They're tryin' hard to catch those cards
But they ain't caught 'em yet
Cause they got to write code forever on that 360 in the sky
On Hollerith decks a-jammin' they raise their mournful cries.

(Chorus)

As the coders punched on by him he heard one call his name
'If you wanna save your soul from Hell a-codin' in Fortran
Then coder change your ways today or with us you will code
Tryin to hack the devil's code across these endless cards."

Chorus ad nauseam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 11:26 AM

Life must go on, my friend, with or without us, upwards or downwards. The first rule is, "There Shall Be a Show".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 12:27 PM

Good one, Rap. Send a copy of it to Max.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 12:41 PM

I'd vote for a show of hands on that. Are we quorate or prostrate? On the other hand, if we are prostate, I wanna be able to see all hands at all times so stick em up!

Rap... Mom's bit bucket time was 22:13 MCT so she was just fine. No need a getting yer hose in a bunch.

Mama's don't let yer babies grow up ta be coders
Don't let em key in data for yuppie bucks
Make em be sangers and twangers n such

Apologies to... ah... er... you know... that guy that smokes a lotta weed and looks likes he needs to vacuumed... you knoooow. William sumpin?


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