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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 26 Jul 14 - 06:30 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 14 - 08:34 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 14 - 08:24 AM
gnu 27 Jul 14 - 01:01 PM
Acme 27 Jul 14 - 01:39 PM
Acme 27 Jul 14 - 11:49 PM
gnu 28 Jul 14 - 10:52 AM
Acme 28 Jul 14 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 14 - 10:13 PM
Amos 29 Jul 14 - 12:07 AM
Rapparee 29 Jul 14 - 09:45 AM
Amos 29 Jul 14 - 02:07 PM
Acme 29 Jul 14 - 05:05 PM
gnu 29 Jul 14 - 07:31 PM
gnu 30 Jul 14 - 08:37 AM
Rapparee 30 Jul 14 - 12:45 PM
gnu 30 Jul 14 - 01:48 PM
Acme 30 Jul 14 - 04:44 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 14 - 08:55 PM
gnu 30 Jul 14 - 08:59 PM
gnu 30 Jul 14 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 14 - 10:02 AM
Acme 31 Jul 14 - 08:37 PM
gnu 31 Jul 14 - 09:01 PM
Acme 01 Aug 14 - 10:08 AM
gnu 01 Aug 14 - 10:36 AM
gnu 01 Aug 14 - 11:36 AM
Amos 01 Aug 14 - 12:19 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 14 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 14 - 09:05 PM
Ebbie 01 Aug 14 - 09:51 PM
gnu 02 Aug 14 - 06:19 AM
Amos 02 Aug 14 - 09:17 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 14 - 10:41 PM
Acme 03 Aug 14 - 12:44 AM
Acme 03 Aug 14 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 14 - 09:07 PM
Acme 04 Aug 14 - 01:15 AM
Amos 04 Aug 14 - 01:25 AM
gnu 04 Aug 14 - 07:56 AM
Ebbie 04 Aug 14 - 11:15 AM
gnu 04 Aug 14 - 12:20 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 14 - 09:40 PM
gnu 04 Aug 14 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 14 - 09:58 AM
Acme 05 Aug 14 - 01:01 PM
gnu 05 Aug 14 - 01:30 PM
Acme 05 Aug 14 - 01:59 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 14 - 03:57 PM
Amos 05 Aug 14 - 05:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 14 - 06:30 PM

Right. I checked the last one by opening the thread again and reading my post. Surely the God Satellite will allow these to be entered into the record... FFS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 14 - 08:34 PM

Gluon eats posts sometimes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 14 - 08:24 AM

Oh, Mom! Poor Mom! Left alone ALL NIGHT!! It's all right. I've made you breakfast, so you just sit there and gum your gruel while I fix your Metamucil. It's orange flavor today, so it will be extra yummy! And here's some toast -- I even put a little butter on it -- and some weak tea, just as you like it. Yes, I'm a good boy. No, I couldn't be here because I've got to take an airplane trip today. I'll bring you a present! Maybe a doily or a new antimacassar so Amos doesn't get his hair goo all over the chairs. Or a snow globe or a new spoon for your collection!

Now you go get dressed and I'll help you out to that chair on the porch you like so much and you can use your bb gun to shoot at the pigeons. And please be careful not to trip over your empty whiskey bottles in the hallway and bedroom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jul 14 - 01:01 PM

Plane trip? Again you are off on a junket to some licentious den of iniquity? This time, no more pics. My virgin eyes might be blinded by your decadence and debauchery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jul 14 - 01:39 PM

Heck with that old lady stuff, Rap, MOM says she's going to can peaches today. You boys either make yourselves useful or stay out from underfoot in the kitchen. And DON'T TOUCH THOSE JARS! They need to cool until tomorrow before they're handled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jul 14 - 11:49 PM

Just as well you guys stayed away. Everything was sticky. So sticky that you might have been stuck to the counter beside the stove if you were careless enough to lean on it. Three batches of peaches complete, one left for tomorrow. You can come help blanch and peel peaches if you want. They're particularly delicious this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jul 14 - 10:52 AM

SRS, you got nice peaches! Are those all from your property?

Subject: CATSPAW's Memorial Picnic
From: Big Mick - PM
Date: 28 Jul 14 - 10:41 AM

Dave. Swan and I spent a lovely afternoon with CATSPAW's family telling stories, playing some music, eating wonderful food, and sharing rememberances of Patrick F. "Spaw" Paaterson. We gathered with Connie and Wayne, Karen, Michael, & Tristan, and the family. I restrung a bunch of instruments and Dave and I sang songs in memory of our friend. We also commiserated with one another as to how Rick and Spaw were eating up all the billable hours at LFPS, Layabouts at Large and for hire. As I was stringing instruments, Karen sat down and told Dave and I she wanted us each to have one of Spaws guitars. To say we were shocked takes understatement to a new level. What an honor.

Dave has a great story I have asked him to share. I am sure he will post it here and on our Mudcat. Dave is getting on a plane in a bit and I am jumping in the car for the 5.5 hour drive home. What a wonderful day, thanks to Karen, Michael, Tristan, Connie, Wayne and the rest of the family for a wonderful and memorable day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jul 14 - 07:22 PM

They are peaches from Parker County, one county west from me. There's a big peach festival every summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 14 - 10:13 PM

I was, ahem, flying to Vegas to change planes and fly to SLC and then take the shuttle HOME!!! All of which I did! I am at home! I will be here for a while!

As for canning Peaches, I had to. She couldn't do the job no matter how much we'd work with her, teach her, help her. I guess she wasn't cut out to be an stealthy assassin. We gave her a nice severance package, including a year with pay and benefits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 14 - 12:07 AM

The benefits of Peaches were considerable, as were her assets.But Rapp couldn't handle it. Sigh...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 14 - 09:45 AM

Amos, I know that you wanted to can, er, cane, Peaches. I couldn't let you do that. I'm sorry, I know that your years in private boarding schools provided you with the predilection for that sort of thing but I'm afraid that it makes Gluon unhappy. As you know, there are few things more troublesome than an unhappy duckdog. Don't fret about it; I understand that Peaches has entered the cloistered convent of St. Brigantine-All-At-Sea and is now known as Sister Olga Of The Strict Discipline. But here's a recent picture of her thinking of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 14 - 02:07 PM

Well, that got a laugh, as most of your ribald, free-wheeling fantasies do. Some day you will come to terms with the real reason you had to can peaches, instead of the justifications and excuses and rationalizations you have used heretofore. We'll probably see the smoke signals from Pocatello all the way down here in Happy Landia if that happens...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 14 - 05:05 PM

Not all of the peaches got canned. Some are still fresh for eating now. Some of these labels are really great.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jul 14 - 07:31 PM

I like the pics of your peaches better. They look so tasty. A buddy in NF used to put up peaches (not local, of course) in a HUGE jar. At least 6l. Peaches, black rum, repeat. Let it sit in the window in the sun by times until Kissmeass Eve. The desserts they served with the peaches were divine... mixed with blueberry or Partridgeberry or... hmmmm... the punch was okay too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 08:37 AM

In the 16th and 17th centuries everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of

commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become

heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas, of course. As the stuff was stored

below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.   Methane began to build up below decks and the first time, someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the
sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ', (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.


You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.


Damn….I had always thought it was a golf term.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 12:45 PM

Ah,gnu -- no.

Old English scitte 'diarrhea,' of Germanic origin; related to Dutch schijten, German scheissen (verb). The term was originally neutral and used without vulgar connotation.

Your story is full of scitte.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 01:48 PM

It's a joke and I copied it from an email.

Sold (maybe tonight) an electronic deer call. Cass Creek. Got it for Kissmeass some years ago. My asshole Irish relatives like to give presents that are gaudy or useless or remind you that you gave up hunting. The flannel comforter for a queen size bed (I have a double) has prints of leaves and bears and whatever and is fuckin ugly. The brown sheets that came with it are see through count. The microfiber throw with the deer on it is up for sale too as I have blankets. FFS! I have always had blankets. This present giving between adults is mindless consumerism. The doormat that says "Welcome Patriots Fans"... really? SiL put her house up for sale and is moving into an apartment. First thing Mum said was "I won't have to go to her house for Christmas dinner." THAT says it all. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 04:44 PM

I stayed with a friend one xmas at her home in a wealthy suburb of Chicago, and the room where the (albeit extended) family met to exchange gifts was piled high. Such a huge array of stuff they gave each other. And it seemed to go on for hours as more of an endurance challenge than a true gift giving ceremony. I resolved then that adults didn't need to be shopping for each other, at least not for so much stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 08:55 PM

I know. I've been there before.

So know I know what to get you for Christmas, gnu. Maybe some of these, or some of these, or maybe this. I am really glad to know what you'll appreciate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 08:59 PM

Christmas is for kids. Kissmeass is for adults. I don't like kissin ass. Now that there are no kids in our families, Kissmeass really sucks. Really, really.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jul 14 - 09:07 PM

Now that there bow tie is sharrrrp!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 14 - 10:02 AM

You mean the one on the little fat guy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 14 - 08:37 PM

You're busy dreaming of xmas in July and forgot to give MOM a boost up today.

Remarkable weather right now in Texas - cloudy and in the 70s. It's usually about 30o warmer this time of year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 14 - 09:01 PM

At 20:14 ADT.... 106 66 72. Heartbeat that! AND, I am off the blood pressure pills. Cherries. $1.99 a pound in Moncton, NB.ca! GOD BLESS AMERICA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 10:08 AM

This August 1 in North Texas is a dreamlike day - heavily overcast and drizzling, with a temperature around 70o. Normally the day would start about 20o warmer and end up in the triple digits. Enjoy the sleeping porch in this kind of weather!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 10:36 AM

Sounds good, SRS. Ya know that there Hand-in-Hand Dream Lottery for the 2 Moncton hospitals? I won a $50 Jean Coutu Pharmacy gift card! My luck is picking up and surely I will win the $850,000 Dream Home in the Grand Prize Draw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 11:36 AM

Talk about luck! I just read the Jean Coutu weekly flier and swipe is on sale. It's the brand Mum likes - Charmin. That's the stuff that's squeezable soft. She used to prefer Royale, the stuff that's kitteny soft... fluffy white kittens on the package and in the commercials... but, one day I said, "Just like wipin yer ass with kittens." Womenz eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 12:19 PM

"If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water."


Ernest Hemingway in a letter to Mom about Rapparree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 01:16 PM

gnu, that's why rabbits flee from bears in the woods. Rabbits are cuddly soft.

I had the plumber out Tuesday to fix a leaking toilet (wax seal, wall mount toilet). The furnace & A/C people are here now, as they were yesterday afternoon. There was still water on the floor of my workshop, and guess who needs a new water heater as well?

Hell, it's only money....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 09:05 PM

True, Amos, very true.

As my old pal Sam Clemens wrote, "Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Aug 14 - 09:51 PM

gnu, when you win that new (gnu?) house where will your mum live? You can't leave her, you know. Stop and fink on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 14 - 06:19 AM

One can opt for $700k cash. There are actually 3 grand prizes worth a lot of coin. In each case, I would opt for the cash. As I bought three tickets for $250, I could win all three. I bought also $50 worth of 50/50 draw tickets which is how I won the gift card. The 50/50 pot is way up there too. I am gonna be rich!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 14 - 09:17 PM

I wish you unbounded success, and am sending the Gods of Fortune to smile on you. But I am giving them better directions to your house. :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 14 - 10:41 PM

I am calling down the Eldritch Ones to come and give you good fortune.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'....

Oh, wait. That's the wrong one.

Look, if Cthulu shows up just tell him that he is needed in Sandy Ego. Amos? You might want to take a little trip if Cthulu drops around your neck of the woods. Or just mention that he's needed in R'Iyeh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 14 - 12:44 AM

MOM, check the couch cushions for any spare cash. Stick it in a jar. At least you'll still have that after gnu and the boys loose their shekels gambling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 14 - 12:14 PM

The boys are apparently still out gambling. MOM, have a hot cuppa tea and I'll scramble you a couple of eggs. We'll call it "Brunch" today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 14 - 09:07 PM

Today I did some good. Ain't gonna tell what, but Pat and I did good.

The little dog next door is busy destroying the scarecrow. Neither the Tin Man nor the lion is around. This dog looks like the movie's Toto but is named 'Chopper.'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 01:15 AM

Where are you keeping the flying monkeys?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 01:25 AM

They generally fly up R's butt every time they get a chance, but he tries not to keep them there...

Hey, name two or three of your favorite Louvin Brother songs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 07:56 AM

Happy New Brunswick Day to all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 11:15 AM

"When I Stop Dreaming..."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 12:20 PM

Your bluey didn't work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 09:40 PM

Howdy, y'all!! Had me a heckuva day! And it's rained a bit. Get the flying monkeys under control -- had to get the exterminator in though. After replacing the furnace, the air conditioning, and a water heater last week the ol' checkbook's about empty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 14 - 09:52 PM

Well, getting the flyin monkeys under control is good nough, I spose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 09:58 AM

I wanted ta use them flyin' monkeys fer skeet shootin' but Pat said somethin' about "no way in hell" cuz a them bein' in the house an' all. Well, I got a busy day ahead a me, doin' good an' all. Ya oughta try it sometime, Amos. Doin' somethin' good, I mean. Yer soul gits all shined up an' yer karma drops ta zero.

Fer example, I remembers how good I felt after I run over that kid an' didn't even back up. Nope, I jist kept on goin' cuz it warn't no way arterial blood. Besides, next day he threw a brick through ma front windder. Mebbe I shoulda backed up...well, that's all water under the dam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 01:01 PM

All of these repairs on the house - is this due to hard living or is it stuff that the inspector should have seen before you even bought it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 01:30 PM

Shoulda hired this guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 01:59 PM

I guess so!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 03:57 PM

Heat exchanger was shot -- it and the AC were installed in 1986. The water heater has just reached end of life and it happened at the same time the wax seal went bad.

I was gonna call that there feller but didn't have no area code.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 05:01 PM

That's what happen when your karma rating hovers around zero. Mine is in the high "good karma" range, nearly up to ten on a scale of one to ten. Rapp is proud he dragged his up to zero and so he should be! But he has a fer piece to go yet.


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