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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 17 Dec 15 - 09:04 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 17 Dec 15 - 07:18 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 15 - 10:17 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 18 Dec 15 - 04:33 PM
gnu 18 Dec 15 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 15 - 09:35 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 15 - 09:37 PM
Acme 18 Dec 15 - 11:01 PM
gnu 19 Dec 15 - 07:38 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 15 - 02:57 PM
Amos 20 Dec 15 - 10:17 AM
Acme 20 Dec 15 - 12:36 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Dec 15 - 01:26 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 20 Dec 15 - 02:15 PM
GUEST 20 Dec 15 - 04:38 PM
Amos 21 Dec 15 - 12:53 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 15 - 09:25 AM
gnu 21 Dec 15 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 15 - 08:52 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 21 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 15 - 10:07 AM
Amos 22 Dec 15 - 11:33 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Dec 15 - 12:44 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 15 - 07:57 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Dec 15 - 10:24 PM
Amos 23 Dec 15 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 23 Dec 15 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 23 Dec 15 - 10:04 PM
gnu 24 Dec 15 - 05:05 AM
Amos 24 Dec 15 - 12:32 PM
Rapparee 24 Dec 15 - 04:05 PM
gnu 24 Dec 15 - 06:22 PM
Amos 24 Dec 15 - 10:37 PM
gnu 25 Dec 15 - 06:37 AM
Amos 25 Dec 15 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 15 - 09:49 PM
Amos 25 Dec 15 - 11:25 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Dec 15 - 11:33 PM
gnu 26 Dec 15 - 05:25 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 15 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 15 - 10:12 PM
Acme 27 Dec 15 - 01:02 AM
Amos 27 Dec 15 - 01:04 AM
Rapparee 27 Dec 15 - 10:01 AM
GUEST,L’Ecrevisse 27 Dec 15 - 05:58 PM
gnu 27 Dec 15 - 08:23 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 15 - 09:33 PM
Amos 27 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM
gnu 28 Dec 15 - 01:52 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 15 - 09:04 AM

The curfew tolls the knell of parting pay,
         The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,
The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
         And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

Now fades the glimm'ring landscape on the sight,
         And all the beer a solemn stillness holds,
Save where the beetle wheels his droning flight,
         And drowsy drinklings lull the distant folds;

Save that from yonder ivy-mantled tow'r
         The mopping howl does to the moon complain
Of such, as wand'ring near her secret bow'r,
         Molests her, and ancient solitary reign.

Beneath those rugged elms, that yew-tree's shade,
         Where heaves the folk in many a mould'ring heap,
Each in his narrow seas for ever laid,
         The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep.

The breezy call of incense-breathing Morn,
         The swallow twitt'ring from the straw-built shed,
The cock's shrill clarion, or the echoing horn,
         Soon shall rouse them from their lowly bed.

For them no more the blazing hearth shall burn,
         Or busy housewife ply her evening care:
No children run to lisp their sire's return,
         Or climb his knees the envied kiss to share.

Oft did the purse to their wild spendings yield,
         Their furrow oft the stubborn flush has broke;
How jocund did they drive their hand afield!
         How bow'd their heads beneath their sturdy yoke!

Let not Ambition mock their useful toil,
         Their homely joys, and homelier face obscure;
Nor Grandeur hear with a disdainful smile
         The short and simple anals of the poor.

The boast of heraldry, the pomp of pow'r,
         And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave,
Awaits alike th' inevitable hour.
         The paths of pairs and flushes lead but to the grave.

Nor you, ye proud, impute to these the fault,
         If Mem'ry o'er their hands no trophies raise,
Where thro' the long-drawn deal and fretted boast
         The pealing anthem swells the note of praise.

Can storied urn or animated bust
         Back to its mansion call the fleeting breath?
Can Honour's voice provoke the silent dust,
         Or poker hands soothe the dull cold ear of Death?

Perhaps in this neglected spot some got laid
         Someone made pregnant during celestial fire;
Hands, that the rod of empire might have sway'd,
         Or wak'd to ecstasy the living lyre.

But Knowledge to their eyes her ample page
         Rich with the spoils of time did ne'er unroll;
Chill Penury repress'd their noble urge,
         And froze the genital current of the soul.

Full many a gem of purest ray serene,
         The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear:
Full many a flow'r is born to blush unseen,
         And waste its sweetness on the desert air.

Some village-Hampden, that with dauntless breast
         The little tyrant of his flagons withstood;
Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest,
         Some Cromwell guiltless of his country's blood.

Th' applause of list'ning senates to command,
         The threats of pain and ruin to despise,
To scatter plenty crap o'er smiling land,
         And read their hist'ry in foul McBride's eyes,

Their lot forbade: nor circumcised alone
         Their growing manhoods, but their crimes confin'd;
Forbade to wade through slaughter to a throne,
         And slam the gates of mercy on mankind,

The struggling pangs of conscious truth to hide,
         To quench the blushes of ingenious shame,
Or heap the shrine of Luxury and Pride
         With incense kindled at the Moose's flame.

Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife,
         Their sober wishes never learn'd to say;
Along the cool sequester'd vale of life
         They kept the noisy tenor on their way.

Yet ev'n these bones from insult to protect,
         Some frail mead-horn still erected high,
With uncouth rhymes and shapeless sculpture deck'd,
         Implores the passing tribute of a sty.

Their name, their years, smelt by th' unletter'd muse,
         The place of fame and elegy supply:
And many a air freshener around the stews,
         That teach the rustic lumpkin how to lie.

For who to dumb Forgetfulness a prey,
         This pleasing anxious being e'er resign'd,
Left the warm precincts of the cheerful fray,
         Nor cast one longing, ling'ring upper cut behind?

On some foul breast the parting soul relies,
         Some pious props the closing eye requires;
Ev'n from the alley the voice of Nature cries,
         Ev'n in our washes live their wonted fires.

For thee, who mindful of the unhonour'd Bread
         Dost in these lines their artless tale relate;
If chance, by lonely wenching led,
         Some kindred spirit inquire thy fate,

Haply some hoary-headed swain may say,
         "Oft have we seen him at the peep of dawn
Brushing with hasty steps the pukes away
         To meet his wife upon the upland lawn.

"There at the foot of yonder nodding beech
         That wreathes its old fantastic roots so high,
His listless length at noon and eve would he stretch,
         And pour out from the jug, and babble by.

"Hard by yon wood, now smiling as in scorn,
         Mutt'ring his wayward fancies he would rove,
Now drooping, staggering wan, like one forlorn,
         Or craz'd with care, or cross'd in hopeless lust.

"One morn I miss'd him on the custom'd hill,
         (With practice would I my aim improve)
Another came; nor yet beside the rill,
         Nor up the lawn, nor at the wood did he rove;

"The next with dirges due in sad array
         Slow thro' the church-way path we saw him borne.
The Sheriff approached and read what in the law did lay,
         And did hoist him up, to dangle in the morn.

                     --Cuthbert O'Hooligan, 1736,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 17 Dec 15 - 07:18 PM

Waht the......flip???

You must be nuts.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 15 - 10:17 PM

Shame, here's a poem just for you:

A young fellow yclepted Shame McBride
To his big brother Don, how he lied!
He had ne'er touched Don's truck,
Nor rolled it into the muck,
Or had stolen Don's beer on the side.

I hope you enjoy it, if you can find somebody to read it to you. Don't ask that chimp you're shacked up with, because s/he can't read either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 04:33 PM

You are such a flippin' TOOL, man! Just go flip off, eh? Their are no chimps in this town and theire never was any. We got real people here! Not like wear you flippin' live!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 04:43 PM

And a star appeared in the east eh b'y?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 09:35 PM

That's the same beer as Labatt's Blue, isn't it? I mean, Canada only has one beer and it's sold under all sorts of different labels and that beer is sold in the States as Bud Lite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 09:37 PM

Oh, I forgot Shame.

Just as well. Almost everyone wants to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 11:01 PM

MOM asked me to store the freshly-baked cookies in tins way up high. To keep the Labrador retriever out of them, but also (I think) to keep you guys out of them. She doesn't want them disappearing overnight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 07:38 AM

COOKIES! I gotta bake cookies. Ginger spice cookies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 02:57 PM

Just TRY to keep us out of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 10:17 AM

I have returned from far-off Jerome, the land of copper mine remnants and kaleidoscope, where I put together a ping-pong table in a most artistic way.

The amazing thing is how long, strong, gracious, humorous and talented Mom has grown in the last 50 thousand posts, don't you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 12:36 PM

In addition to favorite cookies, one of my kids (Moonglow) has requested smoked salmon. Now where on earth am I going to store that so everyone stays out of it?

What does an artistic ping pong table look like? It's not like a pool table so it doesn't have to be flat and level, one hazards as a guess? Did you build it out of drift wood or build rock cairns and level a piece of plywood across the top of them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 01:26 PM

You want a challenge? You play ping pong on a kidney-shaped table. It takes a lot more skill than usin' yer standard rectangular table, and it's gotta be painted purple too, not green.

Another neat trick is to cut some round holes in the table here and there, about 3 inches wide holes, and if yer ball goes through a hole, you lose a point.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 02:15 PM

Artistic = Cubist Surrealism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 04:38 PM

Faithfully considerate whether concerning spiritual or temporal matters


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 12:53 AM

The table was tournament standard but it came in two halves with a mess of pipes, legs, levelers, and plastic bags full of bolts, washers and odd parts. The instructions and drawings were Ikea-grade. Perseverance and re-inspection and re-reading of the instructions, endless parsing and re-examination of bits saw it through and in the end we set up the net and played energetic ping pong on it. Whew! I had forgotten how much exertion is invested in a lively game of mere table tennis!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 09:25 AM

Never played REAL poker, have ya? The energy expended in the knife fight alone could power San Diego for a year! Why, the wind turbines here are powered solely by the air moved by the insults shouted at each other by poker players.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 11:44 AM

Thar's bluster in them thar hills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 08:52 PM

All that blusters is not bold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM

Shane has enough bluster to match anyone from Idaho!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 10:07 AM

Blustering his own bugle again. I shall refrain from obvious comments regarding Shame and wind instruments as there is enough violins in the world. But his does piccolo instrument to play upon, since he can't get to first bass with the young ladies, much less score a double. While he hasn't been completely sober recently he is a soubrette, having been caught with the lute while plucking Viola's G-string. As a result Shame is missing both his tremolos and his largo because of her father's Dies Irae.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 11:33 AM

It is clear from school-yard tales that Shane is a Mother-bluster, a whimperer and a sniveling puckmonkey.

In other news, Christmas is coming, and the Goose is getting fat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 12:44 PM

Rap, you said a ways back there that you was gonna come back in the next life as "an annoyance". Why do again what you have already completely mastered in this life?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 07:57 PM

Because each rebirth should make one better and I must continue being reborn again and again as an annoyance if I am to achieve pāramī.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 10:24 PM

Hmm. Pretty good answer.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 01:33 AM

Way he's going, he's guaranteed to achieve pastrami. It is inevitably marked on his soul, and is his very nature so to do.


Any higher state, however, is problematic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 10:28 AM

Amos, I can't achieve a higher State. I'd be in Canada if I tried. I can achieve a higher county, but after Border county I'll have to say "aboot."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 10:04 PM

Sorry, Boundary County.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 05:05 AM

What is all this "aboot" about? I have never heard anyone say "aboot" except on TV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 12:32 PM

Dinna fash thysel', good Gnu
Let Rapp not put you in a stew
He's just a rancorous ole coot
Who dinna ken wha' he's aboot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 04:05 PM

That's because your ear is accustomed to it. You don't notice your fellow Canucks saying "a whoot?" or "Teem's" or "slooshgoot" either, do you? Natives even pronouce it "Noo Brunswick"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 06:22 PM

Of course they pronounce new as "noo". HTF else does anyone else pronounce it? Neeooh? Nee... oh never mind.

I have flung all my windows open! On Kissmeaas Eve! I just did four laps on my dead end street before my back said, "STOP NOW!" It's positively balmy! Thank goodness winter is over as I have learned (accepted?) to hate snow and cold. The older I get, the colder I get.

It's quiet. Not a creature is stirring except for my mouse and keyboard. The usual distant roar of traffic with open windows is on mute. It is a Silent Night. Can't see the full moon due to clouds but I feel it. Or maybe that's the wine.

Good night and joy be with you all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 10:37 PM

God bless the MOAB siblings all,
The manly, wiley, tiny, tall
The kind and mindless, bright of eyes
The wise and, too, the otherwise.
God bless the foolish, loud and banal
The quick, the generous, the anal
The Mother Santa, and her elves.
But better yet, let's bless ourselves!


May you have a grand evening, a rewarding day, and an excellent New Year.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 06:37 AM

Right back atchya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 07:05 PM

Woe to the sibs on Christmas Day
Who give their minds and hearts away
To folly, social games, and drinking
Never pausing, never thinking
That quietly, in solitude
Our Mom observes the passing Yule
And starved of human admiration
Forgoes all joy and celebration!
How cruel to hide in some bright prom.
ANd leave ignored our loving Mom!
On you who her just fruits deny
I say "For shame!" and also "Fie!"
And more, indeed, I'd also say
For spurning Mom on Xmas day.
But that would need unfortunate timing
As well as far excessive rhyming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 09:49 PM

Poor old Mom was crying in her beer,
For nowhere anywhere did she hear
The lovely sound of Christmas song,
Of wrapping paper being ripped,
Of joyful laughter all along,
Of homemade eggnog being sipped,
The joys to which she was accustomed
On Christmas Day were somehow missing --
And what to her wondering ears should appear
(Above the sounds of submisteltoe kissing)
But her favorite offspring, whom she holds so dear:
The bold Rapparee! Of course she loves
All her other children, all,
And I shall name them: Rapparee, Amos, Stilly,
Acme, gnu, Teresa, Khandu, Bobert, GUEST, Clinton Hammond,
Eisley, Joe Offer, Liz the Squeak, GUEST #, Peace, Bee-dubya-ell,
Oh dear, I can't remember them all...and the rhyme scheme and meter have broken down --

Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Fröhliche Weinnachtfest! Joyeux Noël! Gleðileg Jól! Wesołych Świąt! Giáng sinh vui vẻ! etc.
Geseënde Kersfees!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 11:25 PM

God spare the day on which I might have died
To see my poetry and Rapp's shown side by side.
My meter, scansion, delicate nuance
Compared to some mud-cloggéd savage dance
By thumping boots on some unfeeling flooring--
Enough to leave me comatose, and snoring!
And if on holy days the Lord sends bennies
Let him send me mine alone, or else not any!
SOme things, for sure, in love are not worth bearing
And one of these must be this grim comparing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 11:33 PM

I thought I wood right a flippin' pome
To, like, show that I am, like...all growen
And that I am not a flippin' goof
That don't even know the floor from, like...the roof?
And when this flippin' pome is proper done
I will, like, go and steel a flippin' gun
So I can.....so I....

Oh, for flip's sake!

Go rite one yerself then if you think your so smart! I got stuff to do. REal Important stuff. Stuff you only WISH you could do, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 15 - 05:25 AM

Well, at least that's over. The chicken and all the fixins were good. I even had some Spumante Bambino... and liked it. I was looking forward to the full moon but, alas, my catwracks messed that up. I got two dozen date cookies from Aunt Charmaine. I don't eat sweets but her date cookies, which I eat straight from the freezer, are irresistible.

I hope all of you had a great day. I must check Facebook for Texas pics. I am sure a few were taken. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 15 - 11:22 AM

An ugly Canuck named Shame
Set out to achieve him some fame.
So he stole him a gun,
From the cops tried to run,
Now he's sharing a cell with his "flame."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 15 - 10:12 PM

Ah, Boxing Day! Or the feast of St. Stephen! Or Wren Day!

If you can read this, you have survived another Christmas.

Congratulations.

New Year's Day is next.

You'll have to sober up, maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 01:02 AM

We're all getting together on Sunday, so I've ignored the after-xmas sales and such, it isn't "after" yet for our family.

MOM, check your blood glucose after all of that holiday fudge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 01:04 AM

I am sure Rapp joins me in wishing you all the great and simple joy of a happy New Year.

Don't ask him for anything more complicated, as he will be sure to muddy it up with a cloud of detailed persiflage, obscure conundrums and miscellaneous irrelevancies.

Plus ca change, etc., doncher know.

But all this notwithstanding he is surely an upright man in full, a bold defender of many things, some of which are surely worth defending, and owner of a large and generous heart. So send him blessings too, for the best of all possible years ahead


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 10:01 AM

Oh, I feel the same as Amos. I want everyone everywhere to have a wonderful, peaceful, and prosperous New Year and for every New Year to be the same.

But now, I must trudge my road alone, bereft of understanding and comfort. For on January 4 I will have something stuck in my right eye, and on the 19th that eye will undergo the knife. It will be an attempt, which will probably fail, to correct a vision problem. But I am resigned to failure and a life of half-blindness. But there is a ray of hope, for I could then wear an eyepatch and go a-pirating on the Portneuf and Snake Rivers, save that I have neither boat nor ship.

Ah, well, there is always begging.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,L’Ecrevisse
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 05:58 PM

 understanding and comfort  

Deleted, then undeleted, because there was a response, but preachy interlopers don't need to be dropping nonsense into MOM's thread. This is serious BS, not xtain stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 08:23 PM

I get's me pirate patch on me left eye on the 4th and on me right eye on the 6th. My Rap name will be "Two Patch".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 09:33 PM

Yeah, but being from NB you were told over and over "Don't scratch your eye with your fork!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM

Yeah, well Rapp's folks were always telling him to go fork himself, and when he wouldn't do it they told he was forked up anyway.

That is a touching video in spite of the wiseassery, and in spite of my dedicated polyagnosticism---meaning there are a whole lot of gods I don't know whether they are extant or not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM

Yes, I thought so too, Amos. We can learn from children.

But I must take slight umbrage with your preceding statements. I greatly fear that you have insulted my forebears and kin and I must ask you for a formal apology in this same forum. You need not abase yourself, or give thousands to a church, or crawl on your belly in the dust and dung while craving my forgiveness. But a simple apology and contrition, with a promise that if you do it again you will cut a finger off or something, will suffice. I am not a wrathful, vengeful, god person.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 01:52 PM

The Kee-Kee Birds have arrived from their summer nesting grounds up north. Fuckers.


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