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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 12 May 16 - 06:58 PM
Rapparee 12 May 16 - 07:37 PM
Amos 12 May 16 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 12 May 16 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 13 May 16 - 03:03 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 May 16 - 07:42 PM
Amos 13 May 16 - 08:49 PM
Amos 14 May 16 - 01:59 AM
Amos 14 May 16 - 02:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 May 16 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 14 May 16 - 11:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 May 16 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 14 May 16 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 15 May 16 - 08:23 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 May 16 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 15 May 16 - 04:54 PM
Amos 15 May 16 - 06:20 PM
gnu 15 May 16 - 07:34 PM
Amos 16 May 16 - 12:56 AM
Rapparee 16 May 16 - 07:19 AM
Little Hawk 16 May 16 - 08:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 16 - 04:34 PM
Amos 17 May 16 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 17 May 16 - 09:26 PM
Amos 18 May 16 - 03:43 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 16 - 06:57 AM
Rapparee 18 May 16 - 07:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 16 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 18 May 16 - 09:43 PM
gnu 18 May 16 - 09:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 16 - 11:09 PM
Amos 19 May 16 - 10:15 AM
Donuel 19 May 16 - 12:17 PM
Little Hawk 19 May 16 - 12:30 PM
Donuel 19 May 16 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 19 May 16 - 11:48 PM
Amos 20 May 16 - 10:12 AM
Rapparee 20 May 16 - 07:10 PM
Acme 20 May 16 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 20 May 16 - 10:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 16 - 12:01 PM
gnu 21 May 16 - 01:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 16 - 02:26 PM
gnu 21 May 16 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 21 May 16 - 05:16 PM
gnu 22 May 16 - 10:20 AM
Amos 22 May 16 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 22 May 16 - 11:10 AM
Amos 22 May 16 - 01:10 PM
Acme 22 May 16 - 02:04 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 May 16 - 06:58 PM

Amos, the epic Homeric poetry was greatly admired. I was going to post a note of appreciation when I suddenly realized I have no plinths. The state of utter plinthlessness briefly drove all other considerations from my consciousness, but I am now somewhat recovered.

Rap, I do have a number of volutes. Unfortunately, they are attached to musical instruments and I'm not going to break them off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 16 - 07:37 PM

Oh well. I'll figure another way to do the volutary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 16 - 08:53 PM

Oh, pah! Pfui. I will send my poetry to one of Little Hawk's imaginary women of breeding from now on. I am sure it will be admired for its profundity, sensitivity, delicacy of form, clarity of scansion and subtlety of rhyming scheme. It is modeled on the long-esteemed Lawrence Welk school of poetry, you know...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 May 16 - 11:37 PM

Good idea, Amos. I feel reasonably sure that Penelope Rutledge attends a poetry club of posh women who would positively swoon if they got a look at your heroic verses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 16 - 03:03 AM

The old "chicks dig poets" ploy, eh? That used to work back when I was a college sophomore, yup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 May 16 - 07:42 PM

Mom! Grab the end of this heavy-duty chain attached to the bumper hitch on my pickup truck and hold on tight! You ready? Here we go.... VAROOOM!   SKRITCH!   CLUNK!

There! Back to the top again!


(I hope that didn't burn out the clutch in my poor old truck.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 16 - 08:49 PM

Cutches is as clutches does, I allus say. Hey, Mom, I am off to a bog party in Las VEgas! Yeehaw. BBW is half-way to Dakar right about now. How about that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 16 - 01:59 AM

I've been using flightaware.com to track BBW's progress. She has landed in Dakar, Senegal and takes off shortly for Johannesburg, a full seven hours away. Africa is considerably larger than most people over here think of it as being.

And so it goes. We shall see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 16 - 02:02 AM

Here's something to see, indeed! Did you have any idea how many airplanes the human race is using in every damn moment??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 May 16 - 11:05 AM

Amos is going to a bog party in Las Vegas? Don't bog parties require lots of water? Isn't Las Vegas in the desert where water costs, like, $3.50 a gallon? Shouldn't it be a dust party? I'm confused. Mom's confused. Even Gluon's confused and he, by virtue of his ability to fold the space-time continuum, has already been to the bog party and says a good time was/will be had by all, the bog-in-the-desert paradox notwithstanding..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 16 - 11:50 AM

'Bog' is an old term for the jakes, the WC, the stable Tom Crapper's mount, where you keep the porcelain throne. it's the necessary room, the powder room, the backhouse, the latrine.

For some reason Amos is going to a party in a Las Vegas outhouse. I suppose it's a multi-holer since there are usually more than a few people at a party, unless it's one of mine. In any case, he's sure to get stinkin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 May 16 - 12:21 PM

So this Las Vegas bog party isn't about four-wheel-drive trucks and mud, but about seeing how many people can be crammed into the men's room on the main casino floor at the Bellagio? Sounds like fun. I'm sure a Bellagio men's room is nicer than my house (unless some drunk Texan has recently barfed on the floor).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 16 - 03:56 PM

That's my take on it. Except it probably not at one of those fancy places with running water. Amos isn't one of the fancy-shancy types. He's tough -- for example, his toilet paper is never greater than 100 grit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 16 - 08:23 AM

It's not generally known how tough Amos is. These days you see a mild-mannered guy playing a guitar or lute and singing gentle love ballads. But this is the same man who once in a bar in Papeetee, when confronted by a mean drunk with a large revolver, bit the barrel closed just as the gun was fired and then spit the bullet into the drunk's eye. He used to get his snap, crackle, and pop for breakfast by eating a bowl of blasting caps. He still sobers up on raw alcohol. Years ago, while backpacking in the Alps, a local alpenhornist mocked Amos's abilities and Amos doubled the 'range' of an alpenhorn using a cheap tin whistle; this also caused a rockslide which blocked a vital road but Amos had it clear in minutes. His parents learned not to send him for milk as he would return with a cow under each arm. He was not permitted to enlist in the Marines, the Foreign Legion, or Spetsnaz because 'he plays too rough.' Remember these things the next time you decide to mock him for blowing a note or missing a word in a song and be glad he controls his temper by blackjacking himself before he gets angry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 May 16 - 10:21 AM

I have been giving this "bog party" thing a bit of consideration, and have determined that there is a possibility "bog" is a typo. Amos could have simply meant a "big party". Or perhaps it's a "beg party" in which the participants dress shabbily and stand on Fremont Street, tin cups in hand, begging for spare change from high rollers. Or maybe a "bug party", wherein a boxful of poisonous insects is released into a roomful of blindfolded, but otherwise naked, partygoers. But I think it's probable he meant a "bag party" in which everyone removes their clothes, places large brown paper bags over their heads, and proceeds to have anonymous sexual relations with as many other participants, of either sex, as possible. Or maybe he meant all of the above. It is, after all, Las Vegas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 16 - 04:54 PM

He may have gotten the constant wrong and it could be a hog party. Or a nog or vog party -- the latter is a term used in Hawai'i for a fog containing volcanic gases. Or the word might not be English, as Amos is fluent in many languages including Midland Welsh, Yukanese, and Ambrolic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 16 - 06:20 PM

ALas, it was the simplest of typos--the "o" and the "i" being right beside each other. It was a bIg party, and the only bogs involved were tiled, stainless, and softly lit high-roller bathrooms. A good time was had by all.

I am now home and tomorrow my beloved companion Maggie Darlin' Dogg will be returned to me. Which I look forward to.

Meanwhile, I am weary from five hours' driving straight down the 15/215 from Vegas and am going to nap, so there.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 16 - 07:34 PM

5 hour drive? You drove? Yourself? Why didn't you take the chopper or at least have Jeeves drive the limo? Tsk tsk. You have to take better care of yourself, man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 16 - 12:56 AM

I drove not only myself, but two local friends who were also attending. So the time passed in pleasant conversation. But your suggestions are greatly appreciated; wish I had thought of them earlier! A chopper would have really done the trick!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 16 - 07:19 AM

I would have thought that...no, never mind. Obviously my thoughts would have been in error. Still....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 May 16 - 08:23 PM

How often have you been wrong in the last 50 years?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 16 - 04:34 PM

Determining how often a married man has been wrong in the last 50 years is a simple process. Assuming that he has been wrong 100% of the time during married years, simply divide the number of those years by 50. For example, I have been married 42 of the last 50 years, so I have been wrong 84% of the time. The last time I was right was in 1987, during the interregnum between my first and second marriages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 16 - 06:59 PM

Ambrolic is not actually a language. It is the name of a methyl ester, a triterpenoid, C30-H48-O3, which has a molecular mass of 456.7153 and a melting point of 273º F.

It is also the name of an obscure missionary church run by The Free Christian Church of Scotland in the back hills of China to educate young girls into correct enslavement devotion to the Scriptures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 16 - 09:26 PM

My, my, you can certainly look things up Amos! I must congratulate you on that and also on your mastery of R'lyehian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 16 - 03:43 AM

R'lyehian is a fictional language created by H.P. Lovecraft . Rapparree is a fictional character created by Michael Delmann. Asshole is a fictional construct created by god-knows-who to describe both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 16 - 06:57 AM

While it is true that god-knows-who created "asshole", it was actually created by god-knows-whom. How one person could create something while that same thing was created by someone else is a paradox akin to one hand ceasing to clap and beginning to beat the shit out of a hubless wheel with a tire iron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 16 - 07:54 PM

Other than getting my name wrong and thereby giving the credit to someone else, Amos, as usual, has managed to construct a tautology fraught ideation applicable only to another universe and dimension.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 16 - 09:01 PM

Is the opposite of a tautology a slackology?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 16 - 09:43 PM

Yes, although those old time Greeks were soooo uptight they only created tautology. They also created sorites, or polysyllogisms, of which the term sowrongies is used for the opposite. The opposite of polysyllogism is, of course, monosyllogism. Both polysyllogism and monosyllogism must be differentiated from monosyllabic and polysyllabic, which refer to operands within the mathematics of the quantum universe, although they can refer to (for example) a polysyllogistic monosyllable therein. I would provide examples of both polysyllogistic and monosyllogistic monosyllable and polysyllables save that they are so eensy-weensy tiny you couldn't see them (which makes it difficult for those working in the field of eensy-weensy tiny things).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 16 - 09:45 PM

Speaking of slackologies and the nonsensical, boil 1/3# of spaghetti until Al's dented, eh? Chuck in a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup (I know, I know but I bought two cans in a BOGOF fer shits and giggles) and then squeeze in, to taste (I know) chicken Brovil from one of them there half gallon Costco riggings. Gross? Yeah. Mess up my guts tomorrow and clock out my BP? Yeah. But, dammit, every half dozen years, I gots ta have me GRUEL! no matter how cruel. I will post again when I am able.

I feel wobbly.

gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 16 - 11:09 PM

While in reformatory school,
they fed us a disgusting gruel
comprised of Campbell's mushroom soup
and ground up bits of Hula Hoop
and chunks of rotten green bologna
that you would not want to get on ya
and moldy Quaker instant grits
that would give you the runny shits.
It looked like a huge blob of jizm
and you would die of botulism
if you should deign to eat the mess.
I'll stop here. You make up the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 16 - 10:15 AM

Especially the anadiplosis-driven polysyllogisms, which never fail to bemuse. The Delmann tribe is offended by what I wrote about their favorite son, but at least I haven't tread on the toeses of the turrible Doelman's, or thier viperous cousins, the Booquemeisters.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 16 - 12:17 PM

BWL don't stop, It deserves a Silverstien conclusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 May 16 - 12:30 PM

It's a good thing Shane isn't around here anymore, because you people would have driven him mad with all those big words. He hates people who use big words like "polysyllogism", because he isn't sure whether or not he's being insulted when they do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 16 - 12:41 PM

Its not how fast you mow well. Its how well you mow fast.

sometimes it fails to bemuse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 16 - 11:48 PM

Yup, Amos, I bet that family would be sore aggrieved.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 16 - 10:12 AM

Shane's mother, Polly Sylle O'Gysum, was unfortunately a crack user and vulnerable to extreme mood swings. She died young, as a result of chemical abuse and the stress of poverty and lack of education. She was buried in a pauper's grave in a field kept by the Humane Society just outside of Pedant, where she had fled to live with her grammar.p1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 16 - 07:10 PM

Well, that explains half or less of Shame. I understand that his father was "just passing through" and since he couldn't pay was forced to "labor" for his fun by a couple of rather large gentlemen from Detroit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 16 - 09:41 PM

His poem sounds like the stuff that Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout wouldn't take out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 16 - 10:16 PM

Of course, if Mr. Shame had gone beyond the third grade he'd know big words. Words like cat, dog, car. Even words like balloon, head, and Shame. He could converse in complete sentences such as "See Jane run" and "Shame drunk." Instead he just sits there are grunts as if he were constipated -- which mentally he is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 16 - 12:01 PM

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

Bullshit (to the tune of "High Hopes")

Once there was a fellow named Gnu
Like a beast that lives in a zoo,
And when he'd had a few-ew
Gnu could talk himself blue

'Cause he had bullshit
He was full of it
He had genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

Once there was a fellow named Rap
Lived on a golf course near a sand trap
Everyone knew that Rap chap
Talked a load of bullcrap

'Cause he had bullshit
He was full of it
He had genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

Was a fellow named Little Hawk
His hallucinations could talk
Sometimes so much that you'd squawk
"Stuff their mouths with a sock!"

But he had bullshit
He was full of it
He had genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

Then there is a fellow named Amos
In some circles he is quite famous
Uses big words to shame us
But we know what his game is

It's all bullshit
He is full of it
It's just genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

And this guy named Bee-dubya-ell
Lives down south where 'gators do dwell
Tall tales he likes to tell-el
But you can tell by the smell

That they're bullshit
He's so full of it
They're just genuine dyed-in-the-wool shit
So any time you're doubtin'
That what he's spoutin'
Is really wisdom or wit...
Oops! You're right! It's just a pile of bullshit!

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 May 16 - 01:05 PM

Grammy right there says I.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 16 - 02:26 PM

Gnu, congratulations on scoring post #54444. May the fours be with you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 May 16 - 02:57 PM

Well, ahhh, thanks, but I don't deserve it. I wasn't even aware of such a thing. Some people are born to coincidences and others have them thrust upon them. I have been thrusted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 16 - 05:16 PM

Alas and alack!   Some Florida fellow took my 54445 and I must now fling myself into the river, a disgrace to numerical palindromes!   Farewell!   Perhaps we will meet again on that distant shore of the vale from which no man returneth!

Or maybe I'll just go to the Legion Hovel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 16 - 10:20 AM

Alas and aslack, didn't even think of that, Rap. Take it, I ain't usin' it. I insist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 16 - 10:50 AM

(Applause) Author! Author! Gimme a B!! Gimme a W! Gimme an Etcetera!

Is Rapp still involute? Is he even voluteable?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 16 - 11:10 AM

No, he's involeable. He's got them voles on the run! They don't dare stick around when he's around!

Whoopee ti-yi-yo, git along little volies!
It's your misfortune and none of my own!
Whoopee ti-yi-yo, git along little volies!
You know it's the golf course will be your new home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 16 - 01:10 PM

Early in the morning we round up the volies
We scare the shit from them, and stir up the voles
We shoo 'em and boo 'em until they start running
Off to the golf course to dig up more holes

Whoopee ti yi, et cetera.


I am REALLY fond of "et cetera". Such a useful, flexible, intelligent and discriminating phrase.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 16 - 02:04 PM

Nine posts later I'm still reeling from the beauty of that 54444 post of gnu's. And what a lucky shot - I hope you went out and bought a lottery ticket! BWL's palindrome right after was pretty good, but those four's have a lot of drag so they don't spin well. Put a few coats of polyurethane on it, that might help.


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