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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 28 Nov 16 - 03:59 PM
Donuel 28 Nov 16 - 04:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Nov 16 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 16 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 16 - 09:44 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Nov 16 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 16 - 10:00 PM
Acme 29 Nov 16 - 10:02 PM
Amos 30 Nov 16 - 02:22 AM
gnu 30 Nov 16 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 16 - 02:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Nov 16 - 03:27 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 16 - 10:03 PM
gnu 30 Nov 16 - 11:03 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 16 - 09:37 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Dec 16 - 11:02 AM
gnu 01 Dec 16 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 16 - 03:18 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 16 - 10:18 PM
Amos 02 Dec 16 - 02:35 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 16 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 16 - 10:17 PM
Amos 03 Dec 16 - 01:16 AM
gnu 03 Dec 16 - 06:21 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 16 - 10:54 AM
Donuel 03 Dec 16 - 05:07 PM
Acme 03 Dec 16 - 05:48 PM
Amos 04 Dec 16 - 12:39 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 16 - 10:38 PM
Amos 04 Dec 16 - 11:31 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 16 - 10:09 AM
keberoxu 05 Dec 16 - 12:23 PM
Amos 05 Dec 16 - 06:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Dec 16 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 16 - 08:49 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 16 - 09:00 AM
Amos 06 Dec 16 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 16 - 12:54 PM
gnu 07 Dec 16 - 03:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Dec 16 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 16 - 05:15 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 16 - 03:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 16 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 16 - 09:31 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Dec 16 - 11:11 AM
Amos 09 Dec 16 - 03:04 PM
Donuel 09 Dec 16 - 03:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Dec 16 - 04:01 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Dec 16 - 04:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 16 - 03:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 16 - 03:59 PM

Kids say the darndest things...

Dear Mr. Christie: You make good cookies. I hope that, with all the money you make from selling your delicious cookies, you feed your elephants well because they must get really tired from stomping on your crackers before you package them.

P.S. You should alert the Q&A department that the elephant that stomps on Vegetable Thins crackers is slacking off because only half of the last box Mom bought was fucking dust.

Gary, Age 6, Moncton, New Brunswick Canada.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Nov 16 - 04:51 PM

Gnu, It still remains unsettled if the electoral college gives more 'weight' to the 2 million more Hillary voters than Trump voters. If all the extra Hillary votes were made by trim svelte 100 lbs. waifs then her voters weigh less than the 280 lbs. beer belly Trump voters which would weigh more despite being fewer in number.

The scale to re-weigh 2 million voters costs 7 million dollars and is "a waste of money' TWEETS tRUMP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Nov 16 - 06:53 PM

Hi, Mom! I was driving home from an art fair today and was on Interstate 10 somewhere between Jacksonville, FL and Tallahassee when I passed a U.S. Customs and Border Protection boat being towed down the highway. It had four 225 horsepower Mercury outboard motors on it. That's 900 horsepower! I was impressed.... Until I got another 100 miles or so down the road and passed another U.S. Customs and Border Protection boat, this one powered by four 350 horsepower Mercuries. That's 1400 friggin' horsepower on a single hull!

U.S. Customs and Border Protection, you can hide from 'em, you can outsmart 'em, but you damned sure can't outrun 'em! At least on the water....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 16 - 10:12 PM

AND they can call the Coast Guard, the the CG has stuff that will travel 3,400 feet per second. You'd need a lot of horsepower to go that fast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 16 - 09:44 AM

3,400 feet per second. That's about 2,300 mph, if my figures are accurate, which they probably aren't, even though I did check them twice. But it's still faster than a speeding boat, more powerful than a locomotive (and better suited to use in a marine environment), and able to leap tall buildings with a single shove. Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a high explosive shell from a Mark 110 Mod 0 57mm gun mounted on a Coast Guard cutter!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Nov 16 - 10:47 AM

Here's a PICTURE of the really bad-assed boat. Max speed 74 MPH.

And I retract my assertion that such a boat can't be outrun. All you have to do is build a boat with FIVE Mercury 350s.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 16 - 10:00 PM

I'd like one for fishing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 16 - 10:02 PM

Never needed that much power on our little Boston whaler. Used it for fishing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 16 - 02:22 AM

You could double the hull on that puppy and still be badass enough for peacetime purposes.

Awaiting offers. Pox on holidays!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 16 - 01:35 PM

Well b'y, when I looked out afore I headed fer me bunk around 00:30 today, she looked like the arse end fell out of a cloud. I rose at 6:00 and walked through heavy wet snow 8+" deep and scuffed off the driveaway at Mum's back door. Lights flickered three times around 730 so I checked the outages... around 8000 in Moncton but we held steady. City plow didn't show up until about 9:30. That first wet snow plays hell with hydraulic hoses 'n such, eh?

Don't bother me much. Booked an appointment two weeks ago and got me badass HD snow tires with studs put on yesterday. Tell me who knows da wedder, eh? I suppose it could be just the Luck o' the Irish but I'll take the credit like a' Irish would. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 16 - 02:29 PM

Ordered one of these yesterday. Djidn't pay near that much, including delivery. Delivery is next Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday; they'll call first and it comes assembled. Our old Craftsman 21 inch is going to ReStore, along with a rarely used ladder and some duplicate tools.

Got a feelin' about snow this winter; hope I'm wrong.

Now, Amos should get hisself one of these baddies or bigger. Gonna need it where he's goin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Nov 16 - 03:27 PM

I certainly hope clicking those links in Rap's post doesn't mean I'll be seeing snowblower ads every time I surf the Web.

A couple years back I made the mistake of Googling "snow pusher" because someone on the radio said using one produces fewer back problems than a snow shovel. I just wanted to see a picture of one. Instead, I got ads trying to sell them to me every time I turned around. I live in Florida. I need a snow pusher or snow blower like a boar hog needs a pair of pantyhose.

In the unlikely event that a truly extraordinary winter weather event necessitates snow removal, I have a stable/manure shovel that I'm sure will do the trick in a pinch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 16 - 10:03 PM

The one I ordered can toss tree limbs up to a foot in diameter about 70 feet, which is far enough to get it off my property. So when the winds come and tree branches fall I'm all set! Summer and winter! And as a bonus, I can use it on the leaves in the fall and the tree seeds in the spring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 16 - 11:03 PM

"24" Three-Stage Snow Thrower" 24"? 277cc? Seriously? Apparently, it don't really snow much where you be to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 16 - 09:37 AM

22" last Christmas Eve. Average annual snowfall since 1970 is 58.7". That's compared to 111" in Moncton, NB. However, where I used to work in Ohio we were said to get 120" in an average winter. Of course, all of this is variable from winter to winter: I remember in Ohio being where a rotary plow had cut through a drift about twice as deep as my car was high. Here, "up on the benches" where I live we can get twice or thrice as much snow as them valley dweller.

Besides, I gotta store the thing and I'm not getting into the "let's enlarge the garage" or "let's build a shed" thing. Got too damned much stuff now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Dec 16 - 11:02 AM

There seems to be no consensus on the difference between a snowblower and a snow thrower. Some sites say it's a matter of the machine's size (thrower=small, blower=large). Some say it's a matter of how many stages the machine utilizes in the removal process (single-stage=blower, multi-stage=thrower). Some say there's no difference. Some say "thrower" was adopted because snow removal machines are manly devices usually operated by men, some of whom have problems with anything that "blows" unless it is unambiguously female.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Dec 16 - 02:23 PM

C'est pleus de whore la. On top de neige et slush, she's plus mess... oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Au bain, au bain, au bain. She's freeze and nous fucké la. Slip slide away eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 16 - 03:18 PM

Conias, gnu. Filpa nost weayca flost. Schnedna nefrana.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 16 - 10:18 PM

Well, I'll save Mom from the ignominy of near disasters. But then, that's why I'm her favorite!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 16 - 02:35 AM

Hillsborough    United States Avg

Rainfall (in.)         45.7                  39.2
Snowfall (in.)         1.9               25.8
Precipitation Days 104               102
Sunny Days         218                       205


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 16 - 08:27 AM

Except for the snowfall, Amos is moving to An Average Town! Well, once someone as cool as Amos moves there it'll change. The temperature will drop because of the added cool and most of the rain will turn to snow. The drop in temperature will also affect the surrounding area, of course, and soon glaciers will form. These will move down the surrounding hills, crushing all in their path and changing the landscape. The changing landscape will have to be remapped, and the employees of the USGS will be annoyed with Amos because his coolness will have caused them extra work. The NASA budget will be blown because the need to launch new satellites, and needed food and supplies won't reach the ISS, causing it to slip out of orbit and most of it burn up on re-entry. Parts that don't burn will hit the centers of Moscow, New York, LA, London, and Paris; being mistaken as a nuclear attack this will cause missiles to be launched and WWIII to break out. Soon the world will be plunged back to the paleolithic. ALL BECAUSE AMOS IS SOOOOOOO COOL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 16 - 10:17 PM

Of course, "average" can also mean "bland."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 16 - 01:16 AM

Bland is just a setting on the VitaMix.

I am delighted with your efforts, Sir Rapp, to mythologize me. Truly I am. You have made me a legend in your own mind. I admit I wanted this to happen, but with someone endowed with a touch more pulchritude than you can muster. Someone not quite as beefy, hairy, and round-bellied as your noble self. But it's a start. See what you can do to approach the ideal a little closer, would you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Dec 16 - 06:21 AM

Hot off the internut.

After passing on, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are
going for a job interview with God.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in"?
Bush replies: "I believe in a free economy, a strong America, The
American nation and so on ..."
God is impressed by Bush and tells him: "Great , come sit in the
chair on my right"
God goes to Obama and ask: "What do you believe in"?
Obama replies: "I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world
peace, etc. .... ".
God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: 'Well done , come sit
in the chair on my left"
Finally God asks Trump : "What do you believe in"?
Trump replied: "I believe you're sitting in my chair".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 16 - 10:54 AM

No,Amos, I shan't. External beauty fades like the blown rose, like grass in Winter. True pulchritude springs from inside, like the life force that brings forth the rose and the grass in Spring. A lean and muscled body is no match for the coos of a baby or the child-like laughter. And so I shall strive to be childlike and let that which is inside me exude to all the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Dec 16 - 05:07 PM

Gnu Those old LBJ jokes still work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 16 - 05:48 PM

My mother had a psychiatric joke she used to tell: A psychiatrist died and arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter rushed up and ushered him in, saying "I'm so glad you're here - god think's he's Charlton Heston."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 16 - 12:39 AM

The success of your vision -- all Depens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 16 - 10:38 PM

I am soooooooooo glad I got here to rescue Mom before The Worst happened.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 16 - 11:31 PM

Anothe r Open House today with a lot of interest being stirred up. One family wants to convert the house into an Elder Care home for six residents. A nice kosher family might want it to


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 16 - 10:09 AM

Bad grammar or an incomplete sentence there, Amos.

I am glad for you that your house is generating interest and I hope that it sells soon. Then you can celebrate Christmas snug in your new home amidst the green hills of North Carolina, the Yule log roasting on an open fire and Jack Off clawing at your nose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Dec 16 - 12:23 PM

Well, the snow out here isn't for blowing. The temperature is mild, for December, and the whole thing is turning into a slushfest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 16 - 06:44 PM

I think I gott distracted during that last post. More viewers tomorrow. Not the best time of year, with Christmas looming, but who knows? Only the most determined will investigate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Dec 16 - 07:32 PM

Hi Mom! Art fair season is over! Hurray! Unsold pots are snuggly wrapped in their boxes and nestled down for their three-month-long winter's nap. I don't give a shit whether visions of sugar plums dance in their heads or not.

I shall now spend a few weeks in The Land of Neglected Repairs where Roofing, Rescreening and Rot Repair all clamor for my attention. Each is hollering, "Me! Me! Me first!" But it's raining right now, so they can all piss off for a few days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 16 - 08:49 AM

Everyone thinks that after the first of the year the price will come down. So, Amos, you fool 'em and raise the price. Then you can lower it to your original asking price and people will think they got a good deal. A true win-win situation!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 16 - 09:00 AM

Amos, what did you ever do about that infestation of you-know-whats?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 16 - 03:46 PM

Sent them to Pocatello, postpaid express.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 16 - 12:54 PM

Mom was mere moments from disasters! Quelle horreur! Only I seem to care! But I put her in her rocker with a nice quilt over her aged knees and a cup of rum-laced hot chocolate in her feeble hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 16 - 03:23 PM

I hope it was black rum of a decent sort.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Dec 16 - 03:32 PM

Oh, come now, Rapparee! Mom wouldn't have fallen off the page for another two hours and fifty-two minutes! Not even close! Lots of people can run an entire marathon in way less time than that. The Indianapolis 500 has been run in less time than that. Who knows what great things Mom might have accomplished in that two hours and fifty-two minutes? Probably not a damned thing, but who knows?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 16 - 05:15 PM

151 proof, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 16 - 03:18 PM

Saving Mom once again, I was reminded of the old tune:


Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone
Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone
Wanderin' 'round from door to door
They don't have no place to go
Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone.

Some people say, "Sister will do when your mother is gone." (2x)
Some people say "Your sister will do"
Soon as she marries, turn her back on you.
Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone.

Your wife or your husband may be good to you when your mother is gone.(2x)
Wife or your husband may be good to you,
Nobody treat you like your mother do.
Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone.

Some people say, "Your auntie will do when your mother is gone." (2x)
Some people say "Your auntie will do"
Make a start, and then prove untrue.
Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone.

Jesus will be a Father to you when your mother is gone. (2x)
Jesus will be a Father to you
In pain and sorrow He will lead you through.
Motherless children have a hard time when mother is gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 16 - 03:45 PM

Rap, there were almost two hours left before Mom would be in danger of falling. How is Mom ever going to learn self-sufficiency and independence if you're always there to catch her? It's the opposite of helicopter parenting. Helicopter childing is what it is!

(Did you know "childing" is a real word? I thought I was making it up, but Spell Checker says it's real. Well, I'll be hornswoggled! And Spell Checker says "hornswoggled" is not a real word, but I've been using it forever. Go figure....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 09:31 AM

"Childing" means to be pregnant or fruitful, or to put new blossoms around old. Its usage declined after 1500 BCE.

Go to the next pregnant lady you see and chide her childing. If you see a pregnant man call the "National Enquirer" and chillingly chide that chilling childing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 11:11 AM

So, a young human may be referred to as a child, a kid, a toddler, or a baby. But childing, kidding, toddling, and babying all mean totally different things.

Doesn't matter to me. I live in the south where we call 'em all young-uns until they're old enough to shave, smoke, or dip snuff, whichever comes first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 03:04 PM

adjective, Archaic.
1.
bearing children; pregnant.

She: I'm childing
He: What? Are you kidding?
She: No, I'm not kidding, I am childing.
He: Well don't expect me to be babying you.
She: Even when I am toddling and grave with the burden of childing?
He: I am NOT kidding.
She: Yes, you are.
He: I am not kidding. No babying.
She: I am doing the childing here, not you. You are just kidding around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 03:11 PM

Amos :<}


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 04:01 PM

One term for a young human which seems to have no verb or gerund corollary is "god-dammed little shit-head". I have definitely heard adults use precisely that term when referring to a child, but I've never heard of anyone god-dammed little shit-heading around.

Same thing with "stupid little fucker". I'm pretty sure "stupid little fuckering" is not in the OED.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 04:21 PM

Human faces evolved to look like chimps' butts.

No further comment from me, but we anxiously await Little Hawk's reappearance....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 16 - 03:24 PM

Okay, Mom! Yes, it's exciting to live a bit dangerously and experience the thrill of having less than an hour to go before falling into the abyss, but it's time to go back to the top now. Up we go!

(Please note that I, unlike some of your more overly protective children, have allowed you to go into that last hour. Heck, I'd let you go right down to the last minute if I didn't have anything better to do than sit around watching the clock, but I've gotta go blow leaves off the roof.)


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