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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 22 Dec 16 - 04:37 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 16 - 09:10 PM
Acme 22 Dec 16 - 09:47 PM
Amos 23 Dec 16 - 03:16 AM
Rapparee 23 Dec 16 - 08:55 AM
Rapparee 23 Dec 16 - 02:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 16 - 09:47 PM
Amos 24 Dec 16 - 01:19 AM
Rapparee 24 Dec 16 - 10:31 AM
Amos 24 Dec 16 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 24 Dec 16 - 09:37 PM
Amos 24 Dec 16 - 10:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 16 - 08:36 AM
Acme 25 Dec 16 - 10:56 AM
keberoxu 25 Dec 16 - 11:08 AM
keberoxu 25 Dec 16 - 08:24 PM
Acme 26 Dec 16 - 12:14 AM
Amos 26 Dec 16 - 01:57 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Dec 16 - 08:50 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 AM
keberoxu 26 Dec 16 - 08:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Dec 16 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 PM
Amos 27 Dec 16 - 12:28 AM
keberoxu 27 Dec 16 - 11:15 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 16 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 16 - 08:47 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 16 - 05:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 16 - 09:55 AM
Amos 28 Dec 16 - 06:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 16 - 09:25 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 16 - 10:10 PM
keberoxu 29 Dec 16 - 04:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 16 - 09:14 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 16 - 10:19 PM
gnu 31 Dec 16 - 05:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Dec 16 - 07:13 AM
gnu 31 Dec 16 - 07:25 AM
gnu 31 Dec 16 - 04:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Dec 16 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 16 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 17 - 11:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jan 17 - 01:02 PM
Acme 01 Jan 17 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM
Acme 01 Jan 17 - 10:45 PM
Amos 02 Jan 17 - 01:23 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 17 - 09:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 17 - 10:35 AM
gnu 02 Jan 17 - 10:41 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 04:37 PM

At this very moment Mom is exactly about 420 minutes -- a mere 25,200 seconds -- from the Great Pit! And it is left to me, and me alone, to rescue her! Oh, that I was here to do so! May your choice of deity, if any, be thanked!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 09:10 PM

C'mon, Amos! You can do it! Taking a couple of wagon across Death Valley isn't anything! I did it without a canteen! Then there's Arizona and New Mexico and Texas, but the Apaches and Comanches are taking it easy and you'll probably make it okay if you have a cavalry escort.

Then it's Louisiana, floating across the Mississippi, crossing Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Minnesota (if you do that you're lost), South Carolina, and then you're there! You could even drop down and visit with Bee-Dubya-Ell! Khandu might even be possible! And Tweed! Bobert and Dani and Janie and all sorts of people will be there to welcome you long about July when the wagons get there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 09:47 PM

Amos, are you planning to dawdle on the way cross-country? Will you be part of an entourage of vehicles with people and canine and stuff? Trailers? How long do you think it will take to drive from San Diego to Fort Worth? Hwy 8 runs into 10 and in Texas that runs into 20. That is the most direct route to my location (I live about 3 blocks south of I-20; no difficulty finding me once you get here.) The drive from here to Tucson is a very long day, or a reasonable drive to Van Horn, then the rest of the way to Tucson is only a few hours. You'll have to figure out how long from SD to Tucson, and if you want to visit any attractions on the way. I would suggest a meal in New Mexico in La Mesilla at La Posta (just south of Las Cruces). Van Horn, TX, has a kind of oddball place called Chuy's (not related to any chain by the same name). There is a McAlister's deli in Midland, TX, about the only place I would recommend there. Lots of good food here in the Metroplex so you may want to plan a day or two for museums and restaurants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 03:16 AM

Many thanks for all your encouraging and anatomical remarks, dear sibs. So, I was thoroughly exhausted after flying up to Oaklad and loading up a truck and driving back down but no rest for the wicked. Today it wa sdisclosures, a termite inspection, a scramble for handymen to do some minor repaires, and on and on. In spite of it all I went and performed at my favorite area watering hole.

Tomorrow I start planning the day log of our odyssey east-bound which begins very much as Stilly describes it. Dates to follow. Definitely planning to drop off the 20 to see you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 08:55 AM

But not off I-15 to visit me. Alas, no one does, except Deckman once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 02:20 PM

Snagged 55455! I'm good, I am.

And I have dibs on 55555, so there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:47 PM

And I call dibs on 5551212, though we have a while to wait before that one comes around.

In case you've forgotten, 555-1212 was the phone number for long distance information back in the days before cell phones made the difference between a local and long distance call totally irrelevant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 01:19 AM

I remember it well. Now Rapp, you have to take responsibility for removing yourself from civilization. It's not my fault you decided to live right up by the North Pole. Really!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 10:31 AM

Two-four-six-eight!
Let's help Amos pull his freight!

Eight-six-four-two!
Oh, he has to make a poo....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 02:29 PM

The winter of our sad dementia
Now has shown its mark
And rudely claimed its place
Amongst the ills of men. Now
Has our Brother Michael shewn
His cracked and frozen spirit to us all,
His heart full-frozen in cruel Winter's thrall
And all that once was kind, or nice
Has fled him, in a flight from ice.
Thus has a noble spirit left behind
Only the shell of a much, much younger mind
That spits and wails, demeaning honest folk
Discoloring their discourse with crude bathroom jokes.
Go to! Go to! Your soul has not yet died,
Go seek the solace of your fireside
And when in warmth and comfort are made whole,
Return and show thine higher, better soul!

Oliver Jakes Philler
April, 1813
Rhymes for Raparacious Reasoning
Diddle, Squat and Dripp, pubs.,
Micturition-on-Monde, Essex


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 09:37 PM

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this son of Jessup;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the San Diego ocean are sunk.
Now are his hands bound with victorious laurels;
His bruised and calloused fingers hung up for monuments;
His stern songs changed to merry meanderings,
His dreadful pickings to delightful measures.
Grim-visaged Euterpe hath smooth'd his wrinkled melodies;
And now, instead of using dreadful chords
To fright the souls of other musicians,
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber
To the lascivious pleasing of a banjo.

         -- R. I. Lockitor, Sharp Flats Are Natural
      (Merde-on-head, Shropshire: Lascivious Caperings Press, 1588).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 10:51 PM

Not bad, really, except for the grim macabre undercurrents . Really, it must be brutally cold up where Rapaire sits and strives his grimly rhymes to cast. I imagine his poor head, his desk, and his humble bed are just covered in rime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:36 AM

Merry Christmas, Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 10:56 AM

It may be xmas today, but I still have to mow the lawn (I'll wait till afternoon, when everyone has departed for the movie theaters to see the latest blockbusters). Our holiday is deferred until later in the week.

I must admit that up and leaving the balmy shores of San Diego to race east to the fraught mess that is North Carolina does seem like a retrograde move. Register to vote as soon as possible - that might make all the difference!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 11:08 AM

Gnu, I hope the results are everything you desire and nothing that you dread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:24 PM

Listen up, folks;
Rapparee is going to be preoccupied for the next seven days or more, so it's up to the rest of us to keep MOM buoyant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 12:14 AM

Seventy-six degrees here today. Right now there's a dry line running from near Fayetteville, Arkansas to near my area of North Texas. Thunderstorms for xmas. Not only can I not offer MOM a white xmas, I can't even offer her a cool xmas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 01:57 AM

It reminds me of the Spanish Civil War when Americans with little to gain shipped out to put their lives on the lines because fascism just stinks, is what. It stinks even worse within our own nation. I am volunteering for the NC Regulators.

It's coming soon, boys and girls!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 08:50 AM

Amos is right. The distribution of Democrats throughout the US is heavily skewed toward the west coast. The power of Californians' votes is diluted because Democratic candidates always win there. A massive campaign needs to be undertaken to encourage California Democrats to settle in states where Republicans often win by narrow margins, where a Democratic vote will have some real meaning. A nobler form of self-sacrifice is hard to imagine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 AM

Either Amos is getting smarter or he's been around a heckuva lot longer than we've been led to believe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 08:36 PM

While Amos makes ready to move from blue to red geographically, and His Imperious Rapness honors his obligations to his family of origin, don't forget to keep MOAB above the surface.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:51 PM

We are well stocked with lifesaving devices to help ensure Mom's personal safety during Amos and Rap's absence. We have a life ring with rope, several life vests, a canoe, and a couple of foam pool noodles. And we promise to sign up for a CPR class at the Red Cross ASAP.

And, in the event the old bat doesn't feel like being saved, we also have a couple of anchors, lots of chain, and numerous concrete blocks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:58 PM

I shan't be totally cut off. I shall have my notebook computer, and Quincy, Illinois has Internet access. First you have to ring up Central and tell Elsie you need a connection....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 12:28 AM

Hello, Central! Give Mom's BS!
Of all the world's web sites, hers is the best6!
So hello, Central, give me Mom's BS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 11:15 AM

Stilly River Sage, what the heck gives in Fort Worth -- the mall fight -- aren't they above that sort of thing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 01:29 PM

Yes, there seems to be an inexplicable rash of brawls breaking out in shopping malls. I don't understand it, but I don't understand why people go to malls in the first place. I would be more personally concerned if a rash of fights should break out in feed and hardware stores.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 08:47 PM

Odd. They don't seem to break out in recruiting offices, police stations, gun stores, farm and ranch stores, biker and cowboy bars.... Then I try to shop at locally owned stores, then box stores like Home Depot, and then online. I can't remember the last time I was in an enclosed mall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 05:56 AM

See ya this evening, Mom, if not sooner. Then I'll be in a foreign land, far from here. Yes, Mom, tonight I'll be in Saint Louis, Misery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 09:55 AM

Be careful driving in Missouri, Rap. Their secondary roads often have letters instead of numbers or real names. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it just seems a bit weird to those of us from numbered/named road territory. There's something disconcerting about driving on "J" or "EE" instead of "State Highway 4" or "Old Martin Road".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 06:05 PM

The map is not the territory, even when it talks funny. Thus spake Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 09:25 PM

The problem with giving roads a letter instead of a name or nunber is that the names of over a third of the letters in our alphabet rhyme.

"Did you say turn left onto P and then right onto C?"

"No I said turn left onto B and then right onto Z."

Same problem as calling the key at noisy jam sessions. "Did you say 'D'?" "No, I said 'G'." "Oh, 'B'!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 10:10 PM

Playing in the key of GOB?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 04:20 PM

Foam pool noodles, indeed....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 16 - 09:14 AM

I will be on an extended errand-running excursion today, and may not return to Momland until after 4:20 PM Mudcat time. So, I'm tossing this pair of water wings to Mom just in case. Please note that water wings are toys, not life-saving devices, and should only be used with adult supervision. At least that's what the label says, though I have no idea exactly where adult supervision may be found on this thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 16 - 10:19 PM

Hi, Mom! I had a very relaxing interlude this afternoon. I sat outside here at my humble home in the woods for a half-hour or so and did nothing but listen to the sounds of Mother Nature. The predominant sounds were the cawing of crows, the barking of squirrels, and the crazy Woody Woodpecker calls of pileated woodpeckers, all against a steady background of the "pop-pop-pop" of semi-automatic rifle fire. And way off in the distance, I could hear the ring of cash register bells at the local gun shop as they rang up a a few hundred more rounds of 7.62×39mm ammo for Bubba and Jim Bob to blast hell out of a few more pine trees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 05:29 AM

What's the bag limit down there, BWL? Is it an overall limit of all species or is it by species? I find a ratio of three birch to one spruce is a nice blend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 07:13 AM

In general, there's a four tree per species bag limit on trees, with a maximum of twelve trees of all species combined. Pecan trees may only be taken by landowners or their guests shooting on their own property. There's no bag limit on yaupon holly, smooth sumac, or Chinese tallow tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 07:25 AM

I don't like tallow trees... stick to the roof of my mouth and even the gravy is tough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 04:29 PM

I am Irish but so are the Scots even though they wear skirts instead of kilts. So, in the spirit of kinship, LET'S GET PISSED!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 06:28 PM

Another tree on which there are no bag limits in Florida is the Australian Pine (Casuarina cunninghamiana), an invasive species which has virtually taken over parts of south Florida, including The Everglades.

Not only are there no bag limits, but there are no restrictions on the types of sporting arms one may use to take them. Whereas most tree species may be taken by anything from a single-shot .22 to a semi-automatic assault rifle, Australian pines may be blasted with anything you want. Machine guns, flamethrowers, tanks, howitzers, barrel bombs, backpacks full of C-4, you name it. If you can make it go "POW!", "BOOM!", or "WHOOSH!" you can use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 16 - 10:43 PM

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your trees up down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 11:40 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MOM!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 01:02 PM

Easy with the big, bold, all caps stuff there, Rap. Mom's trying to recover from that bottle of scorpion and snake wine she drank last night. She doesn't really have a hangover, just pervasive doubts about her own sanity for having actually consumed a bottle of scorpion and snake wine, especially since there was no double-dog-dare involved.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 03:25 PM

Perhaps she drank the bottle while seated under one of those Australian pines. Not a pine, despite the look, and with the interesting name She-oak (according to Wikipedia).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM

It's really exciting sitting in the emergency room while your wife has xrays and things. Fortunately her tumble only resulted in a dislocated left index finger and a badly bruised left knee. I discovered the yes, your cell phone will indeed work outside your area code for calling 911.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 10:45 PM

Oh, dear. My best wishes and I hope the rest of the trip is smooth sailing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 01:23 AM

Heal, heal! We spent last night with friends seeing the NY in in NY and then today they threw a farewell party for us, too. Very touching and sweet, a large cadre of dear friends promising to come use outr guest room in North Carolina. We may be starting a movement.

I am exhausted.

Good night, Mom! Happy New YEar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 09:34 AM

Sorry to hear of the Missus's injuries. Yes, a dislocated finger and a bruised knee are consistent with what one would expect from taking a tumble. More serious injuries, such as broken bones and severe abrasions, do not result from tumbles. They are caused by genuine old-fashioned ass-busting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 10:35 AM

♫♫♫♫

See them tumbling down
When there is ice on the ground
And rubber boots can't be found
Slipping along with the tumbling tumblers

♫♫♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 17 - 10:41 AM

Oh dear! I hope she gets some good drugs for the pain. Dislocated fingers can be a real ouch.


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