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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 21 Apr 05 - 12:37 PM
GUEST,Poop Crapslinger 1˝ 21 Apr 05 - 03:29 PM
GUEST,Gluon 21 Apr 05 - 04:14 PM
GUEST,MMario 21 Apr 05 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 05 - 04:26 PM
Amos 21 Apr 05 - 04:45 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 05 - 06:10 PM
Amos 21 Apr 05 - 07:50 PM
GUEST,Gluon's Dad 21 Apr 05 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 05 - 08:52 PM
GUEST,Gluon's Mom 21 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 05 - 10:12 PM
Amos 21 Apr 05 - 11:50 PM
Acme 22 Apr 05 - 12:24 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 05 - 12:54 AM
Bunnahabhain 22 Apr 05 - 04:55 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 05 - 08:12 AM
Amos 22 Apr 05 - 09:06 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 22 Apr 05 - 11:07 AM
Amos 22 Apr 05 - 08:44 PM
Amos 22 Apr 05 - 11:04 PM
Acme 23 Apr 05 - 01:08 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 23 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM
Amos 23 Apr 05 - 11:14 AM
Acme 23 Apr 05 - 11:44 AM
Amos 23 Apr 05 - 01:25 PM
Acme 23 Apr 05 - 02:13 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 05 - 02:34 PM
Amos 23 Apr 05 - 03:06 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 05 - 10:21 PM
Amos 23 Apr 05 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 05 - 11:14 PM
Amos 23 Apr 05 - 11:36 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 05 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 05 - 11:45 PM
Acme 23 Apr 05 - 11:52 PM
Amos 24 Apr 05 - 04:13 AM
rumanci 24 Apr 05 - 06:49 AM
Rustic Rebel 24 Apr 05 - 11:47 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 05 - 12:02 PM
Amos 24 Apr 05 - 01:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 24 Apr 05 - 02:44 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 05 - 03:06 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 05 - 03:09 PM
Amos 24 Apr 05 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 05 - 06:18 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 05 - 09:03 PM
Amos 24 Apr 05 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 05 - 11:34 PM
Amos 25 Apr 05 - 12:42 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 12:37 PM

I dunno, MM, but a gopher wood.

Grrrrr. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Poop Crapslinger 1˝
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 03:29 PM

Dunno anything about a Terrible Churnadryne. I had a Terrible Hemorrhoid once. Is it anything similar?

But, putting all seriousness aside, I do know that the woman who wrote the Terrible Churnadryne thing also wrote a series of books about The Mushroom Planet. Judging from the cover illustration, it looks like she might have taken a few wonderful trips having something to do with mushrooms herself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 04:14 PM

QUARK!!! QUARK!!! QUARK!!! QUARK!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 04:26 PM

You mean the Mushroom Planet was FICTION!!!!!!!! Oh No!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 04:26 PM

Gluon! Down! Stop humping my leg! Down! Sit! Goooooooood doggie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 04:45 PM

Rapaire:

I think you need a pheremone check, man. Yours seem to have shifted phase and lost their charm--Gluon thinks you're a disguised Boson. See his hadron? Could be thyroid, or mebbe your karma needs adjusting. He likes to chase old karmas.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 06:10 PM

That's because my staff has voted me out of office. Tomorrow afternoon they're going to take my desk.

Goddamit! Gluon! Stop licking your hadron! You're embarassing everyone here for tea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:50 PM

Man!! VOTED you out? What kind of ship are you running there, pal? If I ran the library anyone who wanted to vote about me doing so would be polishing the stacks for a week. Arrr Begarrrr, they would!!

Give 'em the Black Spot, there's a good lad. Or I'll sic Gluon on them. They wouldn't want that!! They wouldn't be able to stand the Uncertainty of it. No one can tell what slot he's going to pop out of next!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon's Dad
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:52 PM

QUACK!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 08:52 PM

Yup. I was voted (Down, Gluon, dammit!) out of office. I've been given -- at the insistance fo the staff! -- a larger one. One with three nice-sized windows. L-shaped, one leg will be my desk area and the other a bookcased spot where you can peruse the older stuff we have (like the first edition of Twain's "The American Claimant") that we want to protect. (Dog, gitcher goddam nose outa my crotch! You a pervert or somethin'?) I'm also getting a new desk chair.

My old office will be used for storage for Technical Services' stuff, and may very well become the server farm by this time next year. I don't wanna go there, I don't WANNA go there, I don't wanna be both a Director AND a System Administrator! (But there are 21 other libraries who would be depending upon me, so I'd have to.

Anyway, by this time tomorrow I'll be out of office and into my new one.

That's 'cause my staff LIKES me. Seriously. I was going to stay where I was, but was told Otherwise: "Your current office isn't suitable for a Library Director. Move it." And I always do what women tell me, 'cause it's easier that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon's Mom
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM

BARK!!! BARK!!! BARK!!! BARK!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 10:12 PM

Which brings up the question "If Gluon is a cross between a dog and a duck, do we call him a 'dock' or a 'dug'?" It would be easier if he were a cross between a dog and a chicken. Then we would call him a "dicken". But a dicken wouldn't say "Quark!" A dicken would say "Buck-buck-buck-bark!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 11:50 PM

As demonstrated in post of 20 Apr 05 - 11:29 PM he is a dogduck, or dog-duck. If Apple can have their dogcow, who goes "Moof", we can have a dog-duck who goes "Quark!!"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 12:24 AM

Quark!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 12:54 AM

Thanks for the pic, Maggie, but that looks nothing like our Gluon.

Here's Gluon! And here's his cousin Meson.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 04:55 AM

Did you get Gluon off a man in a quiet corner of the pub?

The Dog and Duck by any chance?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 08:12 AM

That there guy in the Quark picher sure has got good taste in suits, don't he? Looks jist like one I saw at the concert tother night, ceptin' that one was green an blue and the guy wearin' it had on a Stetson and boots and of course his shootin' arn. The band was playin' Copeland's Billy The Kid Suite and got the audience all riled up. They was shootin' out the lights an everthing afore the music stopped. Everbody had themselves a right good time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 09:06 AM

"In physics, gluons are the bosonic particles which are responsible for the strong nuclear force. They bind quarks together to form protons and neutrons as well as other hadrons; their electric charge is zero, their spin is 1 and they are generally assumed to have zero mass (although a mass as large as a few MeV may not be precluded). Gluons are ultimately responsible for the stability of atomic nuclei; there are eight different kinds of gluons. "

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gluon


Ours is an Airedale crossed with an Indian Runner. 'S why he's so fast. Improbably fast.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 11:07 AM

I visualize the gluon looking more like this. With the down cum pile fur and in that exact color.

There's loads of cracks that can be generated from that line!   :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 08:44 PM

Right!! Except for the streamlining on a dog-duck is a little leaner. The beak a bit sharper and more gleam in the eye.

And the feet are webbier.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 11:04 PM

Finished the corner table I was building!! Bought groceries! Made dinner!! Washed dishes!! Cleaned up the workshop!

I hate having nothing to do....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 01:08 AM

If you're bored there then come clean up my house. I have company coming on Sunday afternoon, but I want to dig flower beds, not clean house!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM

I guess Amos isn't really looking for something to do--no one has arrived to clean my house. It's a cool morning but I already have the sprinkler going to soften up the flowerbed I plan to dig today. If you plan to clean my house wipe your feet at the door before you go in so you don't add to the problem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:14 AM

I'm sorry I didn't show up, but I haven't received the tickets yet!! How do you think I am to get there? Let's get real here, now, Stilly! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:44 AM

Well YOU'RE the one talking all of these quantum physics these days. Ride quark, he's part duck, he'll get you here. Hell with airplanes, they're so passe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 01:25 PM

Stilly, let's get real. The Dog-duck's name is GLUON. His SOUND is Quark, Quark. You can't ride to Texas on a sound, for cryin' out loud (so to speak)! You'd fall between the nodes!! Boom!! End of ride!

May I suggest you find someone local, like Milagra Manuela Cantaba, or one of her many sisters?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 02:13 PM

Oh, sorry, I hadn't had enough caffiene pumped into my system yet when I sent it. My memory was a little fuzzy. And anyway, there is an image of the quark that has entered the discussion, so you'll just have to consider riding sound waves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 02:34 PM

Why don't both of you come HERE and straighten up my new office? And then you can work on my house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 03:06 PM

As usual, sir, your generosity of spirit known no bounds. Nether ones.

:)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 10:21 PM

Well, I've done it. After much work, I've solved the problem of Blinkin. See the obit thread about him. Took a lot of shoeleather, a lot of brainwork, but using ol' Sherl's adage that when you've eliminated the impossible whatever is left is the truth I did it.

We called him "Sherl" back in the detective school. Sherlock Holmes, who was born "Sherringford" but changed his name. Well, actually, we called him "Sherl" because he was really a she, and the names were "Shirley" and "Sheri" respectively. "John" Watson was really named "Joan", too, but nobody at detective school gave a rat's ass about the relationship between the two. They were nice people, bought the rounds when their turns came, and went on to make a bit of a name for themselves in the detecting biz.

Someday I'll tell you about "Mickey" Spillane. But here's a hint: "Mickey" was a cover name; the REAL name was one closely associated with another "Mickey."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:02 PM

So why have you been wasting your time on cartoon characters, sir, when your new office and your house need work? Hmnmmmm?

I am that gadfly which God has given the state and all day long and in all places am always fastening upon you, arousing and persuading and reproaching you. And as you will not easily find another like me, I would advise you to spare me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:14 PM

You are? I mean, YOU are? A gadfly? Really? I've never known any gadflies. Do you come from maggots or what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:36 PM

Well, I am sorry. I thought, as a librarian, you would recognize a metaphor -- not just any metaphor but Socrates' own metaphor for the role he claimed in Athenian society in his Apologia, just before the hemlock episode.

But anyway, to answer your question -- come from maggots? Certainly not. Sometimes known to associate with them, to be sure. Old Socks had the same problem, man.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:37 PM

Actually, Gad ol' chap, my grass needs cutting. But it has gotten quite dark, what with night and all, and I'm rather afraid to cut my grass right now. Not because of the dark, but because cutting grass in the dark could possibly lead to, well, accidents. I've found, for instance, that I'm quite attached to my toes. On the other hand, I have little feeling one way or the other about YOUR toes, so feel free to come up and I'll let you use the mower.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:45 PM

Oh, I recognized it. I also recognized the allusion made by Socrates to the gadfly sent by (I believe) Hera to harass (I believe) Io. I make the disclaimer because, frankly, I'm too tired to look up who sic'ed the gadfly on who and why.

I can see much the same thing down at the Hi-Ho Bar when Squirrel Tooth Alice and The Cowboys' Friend have had too much to drink and get into a hair-pulling and blouse-ripping contest over men, and chase each other out the door and down the street throwing rocks at each other. Hera and Io were just a more genteel version of it, them being goddesses and all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 11:52 PM

When you finish mowing Rapaire's lawn (and don't let him con you into mowing the 18 holes behind the fence at his house!) you can come mow my 1/2 acre. It'll seem puny by comparison. Today I dug up flower beds instead of mowing. Tomorrow morning I have to mow before I go pick up a friend at the airpoirt . . . anyway, it would be easier if you would just hop down here from Idaho and mow my lawn in Edgecliff Village.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 04:13 AM

I am sorry, friends, but I am all used up, that's all there is. There isn't any mower.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 06:49 AM

Oh heck !
I lawn for tbe good ol' days ...... Mother - where are ya ?
These combatants will all end up grassing each other up and remaining half cut for a while.
Hay ! Bring back the sheep.......quick !
;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 11:47 AM

This is realy a sad day when I put a link in here, like this, just to amuse the MOAB!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 12:02 PM

When I awoke this morning, I looked out at my backyard and it had disappeared. The golf course is still there, but where the backyard was is now nothing at all. Lilacs, roses, the old satellite antenna mast -- all gone. The walk along the edge of the house is still there, so's the fence, and the sprinkler system is just sort of floating, but the yard itself (including the dirt) is gone.

Suggestions about a) causes and b) cures are invited.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 01:24 PM

I guess you must have given someone an inch, Rapaire. Someone who probably you shouldn't have given an inch to. It's understandable -- they can say, "Rapaire gave his all!!!" You did what you could with what you had.

But you know, as well, that there are people in this world of whom it is wisely said, "Give them an inch and they'll take a yard!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 02:44 PM

I though it was 'Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.'

Did we ever deiced what flavour quark gluon sounded like? Up, down, strange, Charm, and the other two I can't be bothered to look up....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 03:06 PM

Choco-cherry and vanilla.

My backyard has returned. Apparently it just needed a break or something. I wish it wouldn't do that. I thought someone had stolen it, like the neighbors stole my fence last September (and still haven't returned it).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 03:09 PM

I need help.

I'm a numeric palidrome junkie.

7447.

Aw, forget it. I don't want help. More palindromes. More. More!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 04:05 PM

Here's the longest one ever written a couple of pages all in one palindrome.

ANd:

Was it Eliot's toilet I saw?
Was it felt? I had a hit left, I saw
We panic in a pew.
We passed Odessa. Pew!
We placed a decal pew.
We'll let Dad tell Lew
What! So he is hanged, is he? So what?
Won't lovers revolt now?

There: Is Rap par, si?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 06:18 PM

That's nice, Amos, but they're non-numeric.

A very little know fact is that the value of "pi" is palindromic. Go ahead, recite it backwards and you'll see (or, if you are Gluon, you'll "c").


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 09:03 PM

Sent to me:

An old Indian chief sat in his Hogan on the reservation, smoking a
ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to
interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

Two official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied: "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.   No taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, Plenty deer, Plenty beaver, Women did all the work, Medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled.

"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 10:34 PM

Pseudofact, amigo:

The ValueOfPi is irrational (more specifically, transcendental); what follows are either approximations or infinite expressions.
Here, have some digits:
3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510
   58209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679
   82148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128
   48111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196
   44288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091
   45648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273
   72458700660631558174881520920962829254091715364367
   89259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943
   30572703657595919530921861173819326117931051185480
   74462379962749567351885752724891227938183011949129
   83367336244065664308602139494639522473719070217986
   09437027705392171762931767523846748184676694051320
   00568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721
   46844090122495343014654958537105079227968925892354
   20199561121290219608640344181598136297747713099605
   18707211349999998372978049951059731732816096318595
   02445945534690830264252230825334468503526193118817
   10100031378387528865875332083814206171776691473035
   98253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781
   8577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989...


One should memorize the first fifty decimal places. In doing so, it may help to notice the repetition of the consecutive digit pairs '79', '32, and '38'.

Buckminster Fuller was standing a watch at the stern of an aircraft carrier in the second world war. He got to watching the churning wake and traced it all the way to the calm horizon. "What makes that wake?" he asked himself. "Bubbles," he answered himself, "tiny, perfectly round air bubbles. But how many? More than I can count. And each one as near perfectly round as I can imagine. Now to make something round, I'd have to multiply by Pi, which is a transcendental number defined to an infinite number of decimal places. Imagine Pi used to make each of those uncountable bubbles, just for me to see this wake. I don't believe it. I don't believe nature uses Pi!"

So how come we do?

See The Value of Pi for some more thoughts about this. You could call it the Antoinette theorem.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 05 - 11:34 PM

One March 14 (Pi Day, 3.14) my nephew Tony won a contest by memorizing pi to 200 (that's right, two hundred) decimal places. By doing so, and proving it by recitation, he won a genuine Pizza Hut "Personal Pan Size" pizza!

The nearest runner-up only did 25 decimal places.

Tony is now studying theoretical physics at the Illinois Institute of Technolody. The teacher who had to check Tony's recitation is now watching "the little birdies" from a special room at the State Center For The Reality Challenged. Considering those who are at IIT, I'm not certain there's a lot of difference between the institutions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 05 - 12:42 AM

Locked up in a room alone,
On and he madly drones.
Muttering repeated lines
On the circle's form divine
Weeping with internal anguish,
Bolts of thought his spirits vanquish;
And the theme of every moan:
"Pi is not a palindrome!"


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