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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rustic Rebel 17 Jan 06 - 12:49 AM
Acme 17 Jan 06 - 01:01 AM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 01:05 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 08:20 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 08:42 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 08:43 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 10:01 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 10:09 AM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 11:35 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 11:45 AM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 11:51 AM
Bunnahabhain 17 Jan 06 - 11:59 AM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 12:00 PM
MMario 17 Jan 06 - 12:14 PM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 01:37 PM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 05:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 06 - 08:45 PM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 08:53 PM
GUEST,The Knowledge Guy 17 Jan 06 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 06 - 10:17 PM
Amos 17 Jan 06 - 10:34 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 Jan 06 - 05:33 AM
Rapparee 18 Jan 06 - 08:50 AM
Amos 18 Jan 06 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 06 - 03:05 PM
MMario 18 Jan 06 - 03:21 PM
Amos 18 Jan 06 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jan 06 - 04:20 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 Jan 06 - 04:21 PM
Amos 18 Jan 06 - 07:36 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 06 - 10:05 PM
Amos 18 Jan 06 - 10:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 19 Jan 06 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 19 Jan 06 - 12:07 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 06 - 06:37 PM
Amos 19 Jan 06 - 06:43 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 06 - 01:55 PM
Acme 20 Jan 06 - 02:20 PM
MMario 20 Jan 06 - 02:36 PM
Amos 20 Jan 06 - 02:42 PM
MMario 20 Jan 06 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 06 - 03:12 PM
Amos 20 Jan 06 - 04:10 PM
kindaloupehackenweez 20 Jan 06 - 04:39 PM
Bunnahabhain 20 Jan 06 - 05:44 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 06 - 06:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 12:49 AM

I sit with my fing to my head and think....I hamm what I hamm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:01 AM

What was the question?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:05 AM

MOAB!! Where the fing is the fing!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:20 AM

I am the Finger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:42 AM

Y'all had your chance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:43 AM

Got the palindrome, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:57 AM

I fing, therefore I hamm?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:01 AM

Mario, Bee-Dubya is TOO YOUNG to know about hamm!! He should be married at least half a dozen times first! You know that! In the meantime, he must remain celebrate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:09 AM

ah, yes - the Adult Conspiracy - protecting the young.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:15 AM

Not a conspiracy that could in any way be called very effective, I'm afraid.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:35 AM

He's too young! He can't be a day over 97, and that's too young to hamm. In your hearts, you both know that I'm right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:45 AM

Deep in my spleen I feel noone should hamm until at least 230 years old.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:51 AM

In my heart, I fing you ARE a hamm, and a son of Ham, of the Hammish house, descended from the King of Hamm. Hamming is what you do, it is in your blood, and so, too, shall your sons hamm unto the seventh generation, for such is the destiny of the house of Hamms.

Unless they get bought out by iHopp or something...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:59 AM

So MMario says Hamming can only be carried out by various species of tree, whale, and tortoise. I say let the irresponsible young have their fun!

Plenty of Old Testament type charcters lived to beyond 230, but they were too busy finging with their neighbours ass to Hamm, and they'd get stoned if they started hamming. Not sure which kind of stoned in context though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 12:00 PM

Just for curiousity, which son of Hamm?

Mizraim
Cush
Put
Canaan
Hiva
Jebu
Arvad
Girgas
Amor
Arki
Sinai
Hita
Sidon
Periz
or Zemar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 12:14 PM

I said *should*; but I admit though the spirit is willing the flesh is often weak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:22 PM

Seems to me some folks are too weak to hamm, anyway, by the time they are 150.

But they can still write instruction manuals.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:37 PM

Like the Hamma Sutra?

And while it is part of the Miller Brewing family, we used to be able to get Hamm's Beer. It may no longer be available, however, because of its insidious use in the seduction of underage wood sprites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 01:42 PM

Ah yes -- you are of course referring to the scandalous mid-1980's commercial that caused such an uproar in the usually quiescent New Age/Celtic/GReek neo-pantheism religiosity subculture...I believed it became known as the Hamm A Dry Ad scandal. The Hamadryad Scandal nearly woke up half the Ents in Middle Earth...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 05:10 PM

I was also thinking of the "act," considered "perverted" by some but which psychologists assure us is perfectly natural, called the "Smithfield Hamm." I shan't discuss it's relative, the "Sugar-Cured Hamm," but leave it to your imagination. If you want to know more, I refer you to Kraft-Wrapping's classical study, the "Psychopathia Hammialis."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:45 PM

Rapaire is right. What I thought is a hammer is, in fact, a pounder. It plainly says "16 ounces" right on the side of it. If it said "12 ounces" it would be a "three-quarter pounder".

Which brings to mind yet another question...

If the fellow in the Merle Travis song uses a nine-pound hammer, does that mean he can only pound nine times with it? What happens if what he wants to pound isn't sufficiently pounded after nine pounds? Does he have to take the nine-pound hammer back to the tool shed and fill out a requisition for a twelve-pound hammer to finish the job?

You'd think they would make hammers with more pounds in them. It must eat up a lot of the workers' time having to turn in hammers that are all pounded out. And what about the carcasses of those pounded out hammers? Do they have some way of putting pounds back in them so they can be used again, or do they just throw them away?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:53 PM

BWL -- the once-great US doesn't have that many trade secrets left, man. Don't be giving away the secret of putting on pounds!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Knowledge Guy
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 09:33 PM

No, Bee-dubya-ell, it works like this:

When a worker arrives for work in the morning he isn't issued just one nine-pound hammer. He's issued a whole dump-truck load of them. Then he pounds nine times with each one, passing the pounded-out hammer to his caddy who hands him a fresh one. This goes on until the entire truckload of hammers has been pounded out. By then it's time for lunch break so the caddy turns the hammers back in and gets a fresh load for the afternoon shift. When that load's pounded out the workday's over for the pounder and his caddy.

Then the guys who work the evening-shift in the toolshed take over. They load the pounded out hammers onto a conveyor belt which sends them into a pressurized chamber where fresh pounds are squeezed into them. It is a very exacting process since it is very important that no more than nine pounds be squeezed into a nine-pound hammer. Horrible explosions have been known to occur when workers have pounded with overloaded hammers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:17 PM

See, that's what killed John Henry. He had a nine pounder, only he pounded too often with it -- lots more than the nine pounds it was rated for. The resulting pound-deficit eventually sucked into it whatever was nearby, because as we all know, "Natura vacuumae abhorit." Ol' John Henry was struck by a flying pound that was trying to fill the pound-deficit he caused and he "died with his hammer in his hand." I won't explain this last because you're too young.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 10:34 PM

Pundus volente non consequiet habet, as Galen said in the fourth century. A flying pound has no conscience. Ask any sweet lass who has woken up with a few extra ones around her dear midriff and tried like all get-out to free herself of them!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 05:33 AM

Ask any sweet lass who has woken up with a few extra ones around her dear midriff and tried like all get-out to free herself of them!

How many hands do you have, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 08:50 AM

That's why he's known around his house as "Handy Amos."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 12:11 PM

'Extra ones' referred to pounds, you gutter-minded mongrelizer!! LOL

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 03:05 PM

I quote from the Bruinnose Manuscript (Belfagor Colletion, Mather Manuscript 193):

This clerk was cleped hende Amos.
Of deerne love he koude and of solas;
And therto he was sleigh and ful privee,
And lyk a mayden meke for to see.
A chambre hadde he in that hostelrye
Allone, withouten any compaignye,
Ful fetisly ydight with herbes swoote;
And he hymself as sweete as is the roote
Of lycorys, or any cetewale.
His Almageste, and bookes grete and smale,
His astrelabie, longynge for his art,
His augrym stones layen faire apart,
On shelves couched at his beddes heed;
His presse ycovered with a faldyng reed
And al above ther lay a gay sautrie,
On which he made a-nyghtes melodie
So swetely that all the chambre rong;
And Angelus ad virginem he song;
And after that he song the Kynges Noote.
Ful often blessed was his myrie throte.
And thus this sweete clerk his tyme spente
After his freendes fyndyng and his rente.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 03:21 PM

Now Available ! !
Only from ACME/IKIA HOME DIVISION



The MONGOLIZER!



Yes! Now you too can go from zero to Hun in only 15 minutes a day!

Be the first on you block to raise a horde!

In a few short weeks your friends will all be referring to you as "Attila" when you use the MONGOLIZER!

For Only three easy payments of $21.36.*




*plus shipping, handling, tax where applicable and a surcharge of 1500%


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 04:08 PM

Odde, howe lyke the Myller's Tayle
Is that fine chapiter and verse
You claim for your Bruinose! Yet wee fayle
To better matteres, ande wee mek them wers,
Whene credit fail to give where credit's due;
The lines of Geoffery Chaucer, sunge bye you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 04:20 PM

That Mongolizer sounds almost too good to resist. And cheap at the price.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 04:21 PM

You khan't believe adverts like that. Gengis Khan, but he never had the benefit of your education...


I'll get my coat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 07:36 PM

Let he who Khandu, do! And he who no khandu, let him teach others how not to.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 10:05 PM

Did you know that Genghis (or Jenghis) Khan's tomb is deliberately lost? Those who buried him were all slaughtered upon their return so that the location of the tomb would never be known. And that his epitath is said to read "If I were alive many would not be happy."

I've always wondered how they knew what his epitath said.

Or maybe I'm thinking of Attila, whose name is said not to be pronounced "AH-tilla", but "AT-tilla".

Anyway, it was either these guys or maybe Tamerlane.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 10:24 PM

I fear yon Rapaire hath encountered the Mongolizer.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 19 Jan 06 - 11:27 AM

Mongol-sizer? Why do we need a mongol-sizer? Can't they size themselves? and why do they need sizing anyway? It's not as if little fur hats, spears, ponies or yurts have to excatly fitted.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 06 - 12:07 PM

I am shocked and dismayed that Amos did not know of the existence of the Bruinose (also called "Brunnose", "Brunose", "Brownnez" and other variations to numerous to mention) manuscript. Written in the Scriptorum of the Abbey at Wiscetun (which was completely dismantled by Henry VIII, following which there was a High Exorcism of the site and the ground plowed and sown with salt) between "ye forenoon et noone" on "ye VVIIIth of Augustea 1217" by one "Frater Magnum Amoris" it predates the "Canterbury Tales" (and Chaucer himself) by a few years. Indeed, it is thought by some that Geoffy (as his friends called him) may have studied there and stolen the manuscript at some point -- this is reinforced by notations in the margins reading "Goode onee" and "Geoff Chaucer: Ye Ladie's Preffarance" (as well as some more surrilous and demeaning other poets of the Chaucer's period).

The manuscript is to be found in the closed cases of the Library of the Magdalene at Trinity College.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 06 - 06:37 PM

Hi, Mom. Where ya been? Did ya bring me a present, didja?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 06 - 06:43 PM

Nay, sir, you make your case moste playne; le Mongrelizer, c'est toi!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 01:55 PM

Hi, mom. I see that Amos didn't awaken you and that the alarum clock failed again.

Here. I've made you some nice breakfast in bed. There's Crab Benedict, freshly squeezed orange juice, some hash browns, fresh wild strawberries with clotted cream, and some homemade wild blueberry muffins. If you'd like I've got some steel-cut pinhead oatmeal ready, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 02:20 PM

I had to walk through the desert for three days to finally get here. Whew! Mom just wouldn't let me catch her eye to get a lift!

Pardon the pun, but I see no one came to blows with BWL over his hammer nonsense. Everyone should know the way you reinflate those things is with a blow job.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 02:36 PM

MOM! Rapaires playing suck-up again! That's not

FAIR!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 02:42 PM

ALl that fancy brekkie stuff is real easy to type, MM -- let him come to the Getaway and put the real thing on the table, I say!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 02:54 PM

he's to a-skeered of Sinsull and JacquiC to ever show up at Getaway;


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 03:12 PM

Come visit me in Idaho:

Breakfast:

Scrambled eggs with capers and wild Alaskan smoked salmon
An assortment of cheeses
Fresh biscuits
Smoked sausage
Various fresh fruits
Kenya AA Coffee, freshly ground and made
An assortment of non-herbal, REAL, teas

Lunch:

Foccacia bread
Homemade soup
Cookies

Dinner:

Broiled wild salmon OR broiled chicken breast
Mashed Idaho potatoes
Steamed broccoli in butter and caraway seeds
Fresh herb salad with wild huckleberry viniagrette dressing
Blackberries and/or raspberries over angel food cake with creme fraiche

Knob Creek bourbon, Bushmill's 16 year old single malt, or a good scotch to sip after dinner while watching the sunset over the mountains from the back porch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:10 PM

Someday I shall, Rapaire, thank you for the invitation. Add a good cigar for the summer evening on the porch and I'll even do the dishes!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 04:39 PM

Hey all:
Belated Happy Thanks giving. Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.
My time away to re-evalueate my composer and spelling techniques have been in vain,. for little has changed.
Pretty much the same ole same ole.
Got layed off from my job in november allowing me time to comptenplate
logic and philosophy. As well as collect unemployment which i credit the Bush admistration for. As for republicans answer to all, is war.
the lost of jobs are expected to follow.
And this time has also allowed me the time to consider answering the same ole question.
"What do i want to be when i grow up" huhmmmm????
what to do, o   what to do.???
dowhat,dowhat, dowhat.
PEACE


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 05:44 PM

I spy strangers!!!!

In the House of Commons a MP can call a debate on the presence of outsiders just beacause they're there, and uses the traditional cry above.

Lets try not to scare off this one too quickly, the last few were delicious.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 06 - 06:37 PM

I spy Germany
I spy France
I spy Bunnie's under...nah. Nemmind.

I always thought Kindaloupehackenweez was a town in New Jersey.


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