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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 29 Jul 06 - 01:46 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
Amos 29 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM
Acme 29 Jul 06 - 03:40 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 03:52 PM
Acme 29 Jul 06 - 07:38 PM
Amos 29 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 29 Jul 06 - 09:34 PM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 12:20 AM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 12:58 AM
John MacKenzie 30 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 10:12 AM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 12:23 PM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 12:27 PM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 01:43 PM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 04:01 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 09:05 PM
GUEST,Bunnahabhain 31 Jul 06 - 05:37 AM
MMario 31 Jul 06 - 08:19 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 09:00 AM
Acme 31 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 11:46 AM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 01:16 PM
MMario 31 Jul 06 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 01:34 PM
Acme 31 Jul 06 - 01:45 PM
GUEST,Bunnahabhain 31 Jul 06 - 02:25 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 02:40 PM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 06:22 PM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 06:40 PM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 07:28 PM
Acme 31 Jul 06 - 11:10 PM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 11:43 PM
MMario 01 Aug 06 - 08:16 AM
Rapparee 01 Aug 06 - 09:05 AM
Amos 01 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM
MMario 01 Aug 06 - 09:10 AM
Acme 01 Aug 06 - 11:19 AM
Amos 01 Aug 06 - 11:33 AM
MMario 01 Aug 06 - 11:37 AM
Rapparee 01 Aug 06 - 11:43 AM
Amos 01 Aug 06 - 12:54 PM
Acme 01 Aug 06 - 01:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 01:46 PM

I got a little carried away at the farmer's market again--too many tomatoes. I'll make a casserole this afternoon and bring a serving over to MOM. (I saute cut up yellow bent neck squash in garlic and olive oil and I'll add some diced tomatoes then mix in some mushrooms and chunks of sauteed Italian sausage, and later a little spaghetti sauce for thickening and seasoning and after it simmers a little I sprinkle Romano cheese over the top.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

14


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

0


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

0


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

Oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM

Jock, that's not very good BS, you know. We are going to allow them this time, but if you do this again, your posts will be renumbered in the mid 1100's.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 03:40 PM

Plus, he didn't compliment my squash casserole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 03:52 PM

If I'd known your casserole had been squashed I'd have called 911. Which seeing as I live in the UK would have been a total waste of time.
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 07:38 PM

Yucky hot day out there--I think I'll have cold chicken and fruit instead of heating the house up cooking. Maybe I'll make the casserole tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM

It was many and many a moment past
On a day that was sufferin' hot
The the MOAB lost her compass true
At the hand of a wiley Scot.

We were all beat down by the murd'rous sun,
Like the troops of Gunga Din,
And a canny mind from a cooler clime,
Saw his chance, and he clambered in.

It was just a bunch of figgers bland,
No wit, no charms, no zest,
"Post one! Post two!" with a heavy hand,
The clumsiest of BS.

Well, he walked away with his cocky strut
'Cuz he landed some number rare,
An' he never knew how close a slug
Mighta come to partin' his hair.

But the sun was high, and heavy, too,
We wuz tired and drenched in sweat,
It hard enough work to type somethin' nice,
It was hard work jest to set.

So we let him go, and he turned the thread
Into something, by rights, it was not.
ANd we woulda riz up, an' cut off his head,
'Cept it was so damn hot.

But this heat is only here for a spell,
Come Fall it won't be so hot,
So we're sharpnin' our blades, and when first frost comes,
We'll be lookin' for that Scot.


Tweendecks Hapsburger,
Middlin' Maudlin' Minstrel of the MOAB

"There Ain't Nothin' Like BS"
Willing Effluvia Publications, Ltd.
Marina Del Rey, 1976


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:34 PM

We had BLTs -- fresh tomatoes from the Farmers' Market, black-seeded Simpson lettuce, thick-sliced bacon from a local butcher (a real one!), served on roasted-garlic sourdough bread smeared with good mayonnaise.

There were bagels with lox, cream cheese, onion and capers for lunch.

It's tough, but someone's gotta eat this stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:20 AM

BLT = the food of the gods

The rest doesn't sound too shabby, either.

We've been eating a few BLTs around here lately. Trouble is I make bread one loaf at a time and these two kids can seriously diminish a loaf in a matter of a few minutes. I'll make another loaf tomorrow so its fresh when they come in. I bought some very large very ripe tomatoes at the farmer's market, and while I'll cook a few and freeze a few, we'll also eat some ripe now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:58 AM

Dear friends of MOAB, pray forebear
From listing all your menus there.
For lists of things to eat, in prose,
Does not good BS fare compose;
These chits and chats and mundane things
Are not what makes the MOAB ring
But like the distant surly Scot
Turn her to something she is not.
Menus are made as common fare,
But good BS is far more rare.
Purge and confess, your souls to shrive,
Restore your heart with BS live,
Rise to the heights, with courage then,
And bring the true MOAB back again.

Winston "Suffeerin Succotash" Jones
Poet Laureate,
Society for the Equalization of Vowel Frequency
Detroit, Michigan, 1987


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM

Oh Jessup I set up a coup,
and it upset poor little you.
Your poems I know ems,
you're irate, and throw em
out wildly to starboard and port.
In taking pot shots,
at innocent Scots
It's troubled me lots and lots
I know what the problem is friend
You had your own plan for the end
But Amos you're lumbered
I got the round numbered
Post, you're upset because you did not!

Rabbi Burns understudy, and Poet Lorry Ate to the court of King Haggis.

Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 10:12 AM

I leave you to lorry eating, sirrah!

Your scansion is wanting.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:23 PM

That's it, Amos, throw one of these ripe tomatoes at him!

Pow!



Splat! . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:27 PM

That was more than one, but it's okay. And Amos,

Pow! Tomato right in the kisser. . .



That's for the sour grapes over our ripe tomatoes.   ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 01:43 PM

Well, I certainly deserved that, didn't I; for standing up for Mom's right to an intelligent conversation. But, hey, I ain't gonna come between the wimmin folk -- you and Mom can share the rest of them tomaters, and I'll just go for a long walk down a short country road... hmmph.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM

You'll miss the BLTs for lunch. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 04:01 PM

Naw, I don't deserve nuffin that nice; save me some crusts and rinds. I'll whip up a Poor Ass Sammidge outta them. Specialty o' mine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM

Just for you, Amos -- lunch today was lightly salted fresh chilled tomato wedges mixed with purple basil and a dollop of mayonnaise, served with focaccia bread, and finished with a raspberry-peach crisp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 09:05 PM

You sound like one of those undergrads saving up for college fees who tells you their name is James if you need anything, but never tell you what their name is if you don't. They half close their eyes and assume a reverent look as they recite their lessons about lightly salted and gently braised whathaveyou au Doh... Ask them the names of fifty states and they'd freeze right up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 05:37 AM

Between the fod here, and the real ale thread, I now need lunch. Unfortunatly, it's 10.30 am.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 08:19 AM

well, while youse guys was having blt's my niece gave me chicken in fresh currant sauce this wekend; and we had razzleberry chicken in 1585.

On the other hand I managed to lose my wallet with all id etc, so despite good food the weekend sucked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 09:00 AM

I can name all fifty states and all or most of the territories. I can also name all of Canada's provinces and most of the counties of Ireland. Moreover, I can name all seven dwarves: Sleazy, Spacey, Junky, Dumbhead, Pusher, Leroy, and Trixie. The names of Santa's reindeer are Bottom, Thistledown, Peasblossom, Puck, Moms, Easy, Stoner, Fido, and of course Alky, who leads the pack because of his red nose. Want me to recite the General Orders or the Ten Commandments? Huh? Do ya do ya do ya? How about the mnemonic for the bass clef lines, huh? Or the one for the stellar spectral classes? I really like lists, I've always liked lists and mnemonics, I full of lists and mnemonics and I know that because when I was very young people told me so; they'd say, "You're full of it." The US Rifle Caliber .30 M-1 is a clip-fed, gas-operated, semiautomatic shoulder weapon weighing ten pounds unloaded and without bayonet. The moons of Jupiter are oh, Hi! Is it time for the pills already?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM

MMario, I think a whiff of your weekend made it over here. The morning walk was a bit of a challenge this morning with trash bags ripped on the streets (and keeping the dogs out of it) and dogs off of leashes. And now I find the cold (versus freezer) section of my fridge seems to have died. I cooked up a storm yesterday to make leftovers for all week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 11:10 AM

SO much for keeping cool in the kitchen!! Is it time for a new frige?

Rapaire's meritorious mnemomic machinery makes MOAB maws drop. It mangles mere mortals with its mauve merit and mincing, meretricious multiplicity. Many men's memories make metastatic merry-go-rounds of such memorable mish-mashes.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 11:46 AM

Kids Have Dropped over dead converting metrics.
Militant Michael Nabs Piratical Feminists Attacking Zeb's Yacht.
Programmers Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy chapters involving quantum mechanics.
Some officers add curly auburn hair to offer attraction.
All Suckers Take Calculus.
Let's Cook Textured Vegetable Protein.
"Hell! Here're Little Beatniks Brandishing Countless Numbers Of Flick
kNives."
Currently parties never provide sexy English girls that drink heavily, even though you look.
Scottish Vicars Make Fur Coats and Knickers.
Girls Are Very Loving If Men Can Prepare Perfect Tea.
C-3-4-5; keeps you breathing and alive, L-2-3-4; keeps the shit up off the floor.
Some Surgeons Make Money But My Brother Says Buxom Blondes Make More.
Never lower Tillie's pants. Grandmother might come home.
All Chaperones Must Previously Have Had Sex.

Oh, is it time to leave already? I'll come quietly, no need for the needle again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 01:16 PM

You're not going anywhere until you label those damn mnemonics, sirrah!! Shame on you!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 01:22 PM

Voila! MOAB Virtually Ergonomically manufactured a Juicy sundae under Nero's Piazza, Saturday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 01:34 PM

Geez, Amos! I would have thought that YOU, of all people, could...well, here's a hint: count the letters in each word and figure out what the mnemomic is:

How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy chapters involving quantum mechanics.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 01:45 PM

mnemonic schnemonic

My fridge is only four and a half years old. Better not be time for a new one. Two coolers in the kitchen, gotta get more ice. Neighbors each have spare fridges, but I don't want to start running to their garages to fix dinner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 02:25 PM

Lesson for the day number 13765 Never fight an unexpected bee-hive with a hedge trimmer. They win. It hurts. Running away carrying a hedge trimmer could be easier.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 02:40 PM

Also, it's a good thing to be wearing long sleeves and heavy leather gloves when you're clearing brush and cut down a wasp nest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 05:58 PM

With a blinding sudden flash of insight, I looked into the deeper meanings of Rapaire's scurrilous wit, and found I was confronting the very Vacuum which Nature doth abhor.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 06:22 PM

That's true, Nature does abhor a vacuum. And that explains where my Hoover disappeared to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 06:40 PM

 Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome
given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time
or money.
 
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five
items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he
will forget two of the first five.
 
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last
place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the
last place you expect to find it.
 
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to
the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
 
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your
taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
 
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what
happens.
 
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always
wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
 
* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only
cross-references.
 
* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will
soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
 
* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent
repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
 
* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to
spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If
there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
 
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home
from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
 
* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.
 
* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go
unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the
parking lot.
 
* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered
when there is no time to deliver the services.
 
* Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't
know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
 
* Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 07:28 PM

Oh joy!!! The world's first sustained-flight ORNITHOPTER!!!

Professor Emeritus James DeLaurier achieved something in early July that has fascinated humankind throughout much of history. DeLaurier and a team of students at the University of Toronto Institute for Aerospace Studies achieved sustained flight by a piloted ornithopter – an airplane with flapping wings that are mechanically operated – something dreamed of by Leonardo da Vinci, among others.

"He though about it carefully," said DeLaurier of da Vinci's design for an ornithopter. "He put a remarkable amount of thought into it but was limited by the materials of his time."

The concept of an ornithopter differs from standard fixed-wing aircraft because when flying its wings flap up and down in a manner similar to that of birds in flight. "It's an ancient dream, achieving flight with flapping wings," said DeLaurier, a professor of aerospace engineering at U of T since 1974, who retired this summer.

With the help of his current research team of four students, test pilot Jack Sanderson and a few other volunteers, DeLaurier achieved his lifelong dream of flying a full-scale ornithopter July 8 at Downsview Park. Equipped with a 24-horsepower engine and a model airplane turbo booster, the ornithopter flew for 14 seconds at an average speed of 88 km/h, in the process travelling a third of a kilometre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 11:10 PM

Shhhh. . . Amos. . . Mom fell asleep while you were reading that out loud. Cover her over with one of MMario's shawls and let her sleep. It was a long day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 11:43 PM

yeah...okay...it has been wearing with the kids scrapping and all...shhhh.....tip toe...g'night all!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 08:16 AM

Good


MORNING!





*grin* coffee is on, sun is shining, music is playing, and some things are right in the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 09:05 AM

Yep. Things are.

Y'all might remember that back in May an 18 year old attacked a 10 year old with a knife and pushed the youngster back in the boys' room with the intent of lewd acts. This happened in the Library, and the kid yelled and ran for his mom.

Well, yesterday two things happened.

First, the security cameras came on-line (we're going to aim them this morning).

Second, the 18 year old was sentenced to five years years without parole, and up to ten more years "indeterminate." The kid's mother testified at the sentencing that her son can't sleep alone anymore, has nightmares, and doesn't trust people he doesn't know. There is some thought that the 18 year old performed "lewd acts" with other children, but there is no proof.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM

coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee LEWD ACTS??coffeecoffee coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeeEWWWWWW!!coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 09:10 AM

amos - get out of my head. it's bad enough half my relatives are in there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 11:19 AM

What do you want to bet that that 18-year-old will now enter a sicker and sicker cycle of events in prison that won't include useful therapy so that by the time he's ready to come out he'll be a full-fledged much more dangerous sicko. Just a thought.

Moonglow's computer for college is arriving in three different boxes today. The doorbell is broken (don't have a clue how to fix it--I think it involves getting up in the attic) and I had to put a sign out instructing people to knock or go to the side door. Five minutes later "BAMBAMBAMBAM!" and the box with the surge protector arrived. Too bad I have lots of errands today--I'm going to be running back and forth and trying to leave someone here to get the next two boxes.

Hot as hell outside today. My fridge started up again on its own but I'll play it safe and continue to clean it out and I'll empty it (neighbor has a spare freezer I can stash my still-frozen stuff in for a while) and give it a good cleaning. You should have seen how sticky the floor was under it. Euuuwwww. Anyway, reason I bring up the heat is because I no longer have a compost heap. Why is that important? Because I now have a lot of unfrozen veggies and stuff that spoiled (eggs) that has to go in a trash bag and bake out beside the house in a metal can until Thursday morning. This being Tuesday, I expect this property to be declared a hazardous site by tomorrow afternoon, even with the bags tied closed and the lid on the can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 11:33 AM

I'll bet you're right about the sicko, but I am not sure about the hazardous waste.

Doorbells are very simple devices with two wires. They most often break at the button, the most used part, or at the actuator at the other end of the wire.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 11:37 AM

some of them require batteries and the heat could have caused the battery to go kaput, depending on what type it takes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 11:43 AM

Take off the outside button and put in a wireless unit from Radio Shack.

I understand that those who go for children have a very rough time indeed in prison. Something about the prisoners also having kids....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 12:54 PM

I have decided to do my thesis on the following topic.

"Tribological Dynamics of Protein-Based Interactions in Homo Sapiens".

Any observations or experimental participations you care to report would be welcome.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 01:07 PM

I have a wireless one on the side door. Sometimes it rings all by itself.

I think when I had the attic painted with the solar barrier a couple of months ago that all of the pressure on one part of the attic flooring might have messed up this bell. It has a transformer in the top of the hall closet, and the bell itself is in the hall by the bedrooms. Scares the crap out of anyone when it rings, but we can tell it from the doorbell unit that is plugged in in the other hall for the other door.

I need a nap.


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