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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 03:21 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 03:30 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 04:08 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 04:09 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 04:37 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 11:05 PM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 08:54 AM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 11:03 AM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 12:59 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 08 Aug 06 - 06:10 PM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 07:07 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 08 Aug 06 - 07:51 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 07:56 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 08 Aug 06 - 08:21 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 08:41 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 08:46 PM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 11:23 PM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM
Amos 09 Aug 06 - 08:38 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 08:46 AM
Acme 09 Aug 06 - 10:34 AM
Amos 09 Aug 06 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 02:54 PM
Acme 09 Aug 06 - 03:03 PM
Amos 09 Aug 06 - 06:32 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 06:35 PM
Acme 09 Aug 06 - 08:36 PM
Amos 09 Aug 06 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 09:41 PM
Acme 10 Aug 06 - 12:19 AM
Rustic Rebel 10 Aug 06 - 01:05 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 06 - 09:29 AM
Acme 10 Aug 06 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 06 - 12:21 PM
Acme 10 Aug 06 - 02:13 PM
MMario 10 Aug 06 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 06 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 06 - 11:00 PM
Acme 10 Aug 06 - 11:14 PM
Amos 10 Aug 06 - 11:20 PM
Acme 11 Aug 06 - 11:25 AM
Acme 11 Aug 06 - 06:16 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:21 PM

Geez, I thought they were kidding in my job description. "Run the library...and..." Anyway, I also have another side to my job.

Ah, these Old West towns!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:30 PM

That's our boy; he moonlights as a starter ofunwanted life, and in his spare time, he doubles as the taker of unwanted life. When he learns to spell H-U-B-R-I-S, the universe will explode and the End Times will occur for sure. I just wanna know if he's going to send those babies to college!

:D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:08 PM

Turns out that was under "Other duties as assigned."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:09 PM

You don't happen to have a grand-daughter named 'susan' do you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:37 PM

Or Condaleeza?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM

No, but I have a nice neice named Marian, who ran a marathon a year ago this coming October. Her high school track coach is slobbering down his shirt, wanting her for the cross-country team.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 06:22 PM

And then there's this, which came on a library-related list I'm on. I'm only posting a little bit of the whole message -- see if you can guess the company!

Position:      Systems Librarian
Type:             Contract
Length:          6 months with possibility of extension
Description:      The largest software company in Redmond, WA has an exciting opportunity for an experienced Systems Librarian!


(PM me if you think you might possibly maybe perhaps qualify and I'll send you the whoe thing.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM

"whoLe thing." I'll send you the WHOLE thing. Not the "whoe thing".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:05 PM

You've already posted the Whoe thing, Rapaire! Over and over.

LOL!!

So Microsoft wants a Software Librarian. Tricky work, ya know, not just like dealing with books and periodicals. ALl kinds of version tracking for complex program builds and different sub-combinations of files in those builds and individual file changes and managing simultaneous updates from multiple sources. No piece o'cake.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM

All those Microsoft jobs start out that way, and they list a lot with temps companies also. I looked at those at one time.

Taught the sprout how to make guacamole tonight, and we made a nice big batch (about 4 pounds of it). We had plans to freeze it in ice cube trays so when it comes to snack time he can just thaw two or three cubes and get out some chips. But - gasp! - we were out of chips!!! so we could hardly adequately taste this food of the gods, so I ran to the store. When I got back I found that he'd been so efficient in fitting all of the batch into the ice cube trays that he had to rebuke his sister for swiping guac off of the top of the trays in the freezer to give it a taste. We liberated some of the fresh stuff before it froze and everyone got a taste. Good thing Gluon wasn't around for this--with the garlic and onion in that stuff, its like the perfect critical mass of flavor. We might have had a nuclear reaction if that duck-dog had been in the house!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:54 AM

From the bulk of the message it appears that they want someone to test their automation system on Microsoft Server 2007. A Systems Librarian's job is different from what Amos assumes, too. I know, I was one before I threw in my lot with Lord Moldyfart and moved to The Dark Side. What I find interesting is that Microsoft's corporate library is still using the "obsolete" text-based system we migrated away from three years ago. Then again....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 10:31 AM

Rapaire, even folks at Microsoft know that some things don't improve with change, even though they foist change upon everyone else. Do you think that could be it? Last thing I heard, their Beta version of Office won't speak to documents and files from earlier versions. . . typical, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:03 AM

Would I imply that a system that simply performs well and reliably might be superior to one with all the bells and whistels? Me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:29 AM

Well, then, reveal unto us your dark Secrets, oh, Whoe-monger of the Arcane!! :D What DO they expect the System Librarian to do for them?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:59 PM

Okay, sucker, here ya go!

The Project Manager/Systems Librarian will drive the Library's overall Search requirements as our library site transitions to SharePoint Server 2007. The library business group is entering our Build phase in the product cycle with solidly defined business requirements in place. The candidate needs to be able to come up to speed quickly on the business requirements and work closely with the Library's Design (PM, Dev and Test) team to ensure the requirements are met and the customer needs satisfied. The candidate will: Own all updates to search-related business documentation. Meet regularly with Design team to drive business requirements for the library catalog search and fulfillment. Troubleshoot any OPAC or overall Search issues with IT group. Manage projects from Acquisitions team to catalog and integrate new 3rd party content metadata/records into library OPAC. Assist with bug reporting/tracking using Product Studio. Liaise with Federated Search vendor to ensure the content targets are being searched correctly and troubleshoot issues with them. Partner with the Library Site Manager to perform user testing of search/fulfillment. Guide Editorial team on development of search/fulfillment assistance articles. Assist design team in developing search and fulfillment testing models.

Qualifications:    The candidate must have 3-5 years experience managing Library back-end systems, and deep knowledge of OPACs, MARC record structure, LCSH cataloging standards and library fulfillments modules. The ideal candidate will have worked directly with Dynix-Horizon, understand library Federated Search, and be familiar with Search functionality on Microsoft SharePoint Server.


Now you know. By the way, if they are using the system I think they are, they're running U2, formerly Pick -- and U2 owned by IBM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 06:10 PM

I've been looking at the member photos and Amos is hot! I'd like to meet him, or at least have him meet Aunt Penelope. Yum-yum!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 07:07 PM

Ronie, this time of year ALL of us are hot. Rapaire and I are a lot hotter than Amos, and we have droughts also. Be more specific, please. Do you like men who sweat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 07:51 PM

I would like to have him around just to look at. Rather like some of the younger stablehands, you know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 07:56 PM

Well, dear, anything is possible if Uncle Winston is willing to provide enough funds. I don't come cheap. But don't try foisting your Aunt on me. Unless she's within a couple of years of your own age and as good looking; you never know with aunts.

We could run off to St Moritz and try out those new skis of yours...

in shorts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:21 PM

Why, I'd like that very much! Only, there's not much snow there at the moment.

Do you want a giggle? The night before last Uncle Winston called Aunt Penelope an "experienced woman" and she became quite angry with him. She can't be too very experienced, as she is only in her early 30s (I think), so I don't know why she became so upset.

Uncle Winston was in his cups again, so perhaps that was the reason. He's drank almost all the Napolean brandy Great-Great Uncle Alexander laid in, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:41 PM

SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - Twenty-one penguins were rescued on a hot east Texas highway on Tuesday after a lorry carrying the wildlife to a temporary home south of Houston overturned, said a state trooper.

Four penguins and some exotic fish were killed in the accident, including three penguins that were hit by passing motorists, said Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Richard Buchanan. "The rest of the penguins kind of stayed together in the ditch."

The lorry, also carrying an octopus that was uninjured, was bound for Moody Gardens, a tourist destination in Galveston, an hour south of Houston, a resort spokeswoman said.

The wildlife was being transported to Texas from the Indianapolis Zoo while the zoo's ocean exhibit is being remodeled, said Jerri Hamacheck of Moody Gardens.

The trooper said it was the oddest traffic accident he had ever handled.

"We've worked several wrecks involving cows, horses, pigs, even fish, but this is the first where the live animals were penguins."

He said he was glad the accident was not worse.

"There was another lorry full of snakes and alligators that was an hour ahead of them, so luckily we didn't have to deal with the alligators," Buchanan said.

The first lorry arrived safely in Galveston by late afternoon, Hamacheck said.




"What's the smallest nun you'ver seen?"

"I dunno, maybe about 125 pounds, 5 foot or so, why?"

"Thank God!! I think I just ran over a penguin!!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:46 PM

Penguin giblets make good nibbles at cocktail parties, I understand. Opus wouldn't like it, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM

A large serving of pengin giblets in Bloom County would be a magnum opus, wouldn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:23 PM

Oh, jolly good!! Jolly good!! Magnum Opus indeed. LOL!! Quite right!! Damn clever, these Yanks...wonderful sense of humor. Fun loving, too!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM

What's up, Amos? Are you practicing for the boy-toy job?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:38 AM

I dunno -- those Rutledges are going skint, I hear. Naw, I was just funnin' witcha.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:46 AM

As Aunt Penelope sings: "Winston tastes good...."

I dunno about Saint Moritz, Amos, but I've been on a nude beach at Biarritz. I remember it well...it was early April, the air temperature was about 50F with a very brisk and chill wind off the ocean, I was wearing a rain parka over a sweater and corduroy pants...but by Gum! that beach was bare! I was the only person on it, in fact...and I said, "So much for the playgrounds of the rich and famous!" got back into the car, and drove to Bayonne (France, not the other one).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 10:34 AM

Our creek is so dry from the drought we have a defacto beach down there. Absent water, that is a nude beach.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 02:47 PM

DO beaches wear water? Is it their protection? Or
do they draw it over them to attract more sand? If
they are lucky, another beach will see them,
fall in love (bemused by the beautiful water covering her),
and they will have
a leedle sonovvabeach.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 02:54 PM

The bee is such a busy soul
It has no time for birth control,
And that is why in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 03:03 PM

Rock on!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 06:32 PM

As childish as a willa wand,
Such verses seem a silicon
But unlike stones will cause no pain
And never go against the grain.

Podiatrist Wannabe Nocturne
SPAM We'd Like to See
Chicago, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 06:35 PM

Ode to the Four Letter Words

   Banish the use of the four-letter words
    Whose meanings are never obscure;
    The Angles and Saxons, those bawdy old birds,
    Were vulgar, obscene and impure.
    But cherish the use of the weaseling phrase
    That never quite says what you mean;
    You'd better be known for your hypocrite ways
    Than as vulgar, impure or obscene.

    When nature is calling, plain speaking is out
    When the ladies, God bless 'em, are milling about
    You may pee-wee, make water or empty the glass
    You can powder your nose, even Johnny can pass
    Shake the dew off the lily, see a man about a dog
    Or, when everyone's soused, it's condensing the fog
    But please to remember, if you would know bliss
    That only in Shakespeare do characters piss.

    So cherish the use of the weaseling phrase
    That never quite says what you mean;
    You'd better be known for your hypocrite ways
    Than as vulgar, impure or obscene.

    Now a woman has bosoms, a bust or a breast
    Those lily-white swellings that bulge 'neath her vest
    They are towers of ivory, sheaves of new wheat
    In moments of passion, ripe apples to eat.
    You may speak of her nipples as fingers of fire
    With hardly a question of raising her ire
    But by Rabbelais' beard, she will throw several fits
    If you speak of them roundly as good, honest tits.

    So cherish the use of the weaseling phrase
    That never quite says what you mean;
    You'd better be known for your hypocrite ways
    Than as vulgar, impure or obscene.

    Though a lady oppose your advance, she'll be kind
    As long as you intimate what's on your mind.
    You may tell her you're hungry, you need to be swung
    You may ask her to see how your etchings are hung
    Or mention the ashes that need to be hauled
    Put the lid on her saucepan, even 'lay' is not too bald
    But the moment you're forthright, get ready to duck
    For the girl isn't born yet who'll stand for 'Let's fuck.'

    So cherish the use of the weaseling phrase
    That never quite says what you mean;
    You'd better be known for your hypocrite ways
    Than as vulgar, impure or obscene.

    So let's banish the words that Elizabeth used
    When she was queen virgin and itched on her throne
    The modern maid's virtue is easily bruised
    On meeting the four letter words all alone.
    Let your morals be loose as an alderman's vest
    If your language is weaseling, vague and obscure
    Today not the act but the word is the test
    Of the vulgar, salacious, illegal, impure.

    So cherish the use of the weaseling phrase
    That never quite says what you mean;
    You'd better be known for your hypocrite ways
    Than as vulgar, impure or obscene.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:36 PM

To gain the language,
'Tis needful the most immodest word
Be proclaimed and learn'd.

--Falstaff, Henry IV, Part II


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:52 PM

I did a google search to try and find the author of the Ode you posted, Goode Rapaire, to make up for your lack in attributing it. The only trace led to a question submitted to Google Answers seeking the Ode, and a link to an early on-line discussion about the possible author of it, citing possibly one A.P. Herbert. The cited discussion was a Mudcat thread.

Small world.

I don't suppose you know where it comes from?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:58 PM

Not off hand, no. I've got it downstairs, I think, in one of my books. This one I grabbed off some website, and no author was webcited.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 09:41 PM

I'd go downstairs and look it up, but frankly it's too much trouble right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:19 AM

The place where I stole the Shakespeare quote (that came up in MY Google search for the author) listed the poem as twentieth century anonymous. It was a quite interesting site to do with the distinctions between porn and erotica.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 01:05 AM

is.
An equal amount of energy could do it.
If I ran to a meadow and chanted bold things, it wouldn't make me lesser.

I will like to pretend it is we or what
    it ain't
Than I can just........get on withiit........


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 09:29 AM

I think it's in The Silver Treasury of Light Verse (Oscar Williams, ed.), but I can't find my copy right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 10:28 AM

It isn't in The Erotic Muse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:21 PM

And it's not in The Oxford Book of English Verse either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 02:13 PM

We'd better be careful, we've strayed away from BS. Next thing you know we'll be talking about music.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 02:19 PM

STilly! Shame on you, you'll get MOAB all upset. Such language!

A picture from my last trip back to 1585. Seems the Queen got her hands stuck in some sorta purple fungus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 03:42 PM

Guess what! Tomorrow I'm flying SLC to BWI! Oh, what fun awaits me!

(I like the guy in the back taking a picture.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 11:00 PM

Well, Mom, your favorite kid is going East. Yep, Mom, I'm going to DC tomorrow. Flying. So I'll be out of touch for a day or so. Sure hope that two hours and more is going to be enough time to get to my plane. So good luck, Mom, and don't let Amos tell you that I'm off drinking and wenching, because I'm really going to be going to a burial in Arlington National Cemetery on Monday -- my Father-In-Law's. HE might have liked to have everyone drinking and wenching, but I'm afraid that isn't going to happen. Oh well. I'll try to say HOWDY, MA on Saturday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 11:14 PM

I hope the experience is rich and feels right. My best to Pat.

Maggie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 11:20 PM

Good wishes to you both; my regards to Tony, the black horse who pulls the caissons.
One helluva day job.

It is a rich, noble experience. It honors people for having made hard decisions in their lives.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 11:25 AM

Speaking of hard choices--I bit the "mom at home" bullet (since I telecommute) and said my son could have five or six of his 14-15 year old friends over today. It tends to be a noisy time when even two or three are over, but this is the last gasp of summer vacation. One boy has moved, but is back in town for a couple of days, and his friends all wanted to visit, but no one wanted them unsupervised in anyone's home. They're good kids, and supervision is one reason. So I'm working in my office and closing my ears to the racket that will erupt once the doorbell rings and another mom drops them all off before heading out to keep her appointments. Wish me luck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 06:16 PM

MOM, you're looking a little peckish, slipping down the page. I know it's hot, but get yourself a nice glass of iced tea and sit in the shade. This 104 is supposed to cool off over the weekend, down to 100 or so.


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