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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 11 Sep 06 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 08:52 AM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM
Bunnahabhain 12 Sep 06 - 09:37 AM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 09:44 AM
Tweed 12 Sep 06 - 10:02 AM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 10:05 AM
Acme 12 Sep 06 - 11:29 AM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 11:34 AM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 03:09 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 06:31 PM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM
Acme 12 Sep 06 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 11:43 PM
Amos 13 Sep 06 - 08:51 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 08:55 AM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 09:53 AM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 09:54 AM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 11:01 AM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 11:09 AM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 03:55 PM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 04:58 PM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 10:07 PM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 08:58 AM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 09:09 AM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 12:17 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 12:26 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 03:59 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 06:26 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 06:55 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 09:30 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 10:02 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 10:08 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 10:25 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:33 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 06 - 11:39 PM

"Interested observer" sounds less embarrassing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 08:52 AM

Ah, Mom. Here it is, only seventeen (17) days before Michaelmas, and I am the first to awaken you! Michaelmas daisies, crabapples, and, of course, the Michaelmas goose all will be ours in only seventeen (17) days! Will someone give me a goose for Michaelmas this year? I guess I'll have to wait and see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 09:24 AM

Give the man a goose and he leaps for a day. Teach the man to goose and he makes others leap all year.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM

It is said that Elizabeth I (the Virgin Queen, a/k/a Good Queen Bess) was eating her Michaelmas goose when she received the news of the defeat of the Spanish Armada.

I guess news traveled a helluva lot slower in 1588...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 09:37 AM

There are days I feel I can never hope to Mom, and have nothing to say. But then I just go and post some random introspective rubbish anyway, and hope nobody notices.

I'm currently hiding from our last major invasion of the year, the new first years at university. So many disorientaited teenagers in such a small area.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 09:44 AM

That was Liz for ye -- three months to learn about the news and three days to decide to send an Armada of her own to Coruna. IF she or the Admirals had had the wits to aim at San Sebaastian instead, we would have bloody changed the course of history and wiped out the rebuilding Spanish fleet at its core.

Francis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 10:02 AM

Rules of etiquette say that men should stop wearing beige trousers on Michaelmas (until Whitsun/Pentecost the next year.)

Good information to know and use.

I am fairly safe as I don't own any beige trousers at all, nor khaki neither!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 10:05 AM

MAy you find a ring in your pie, Tweed, and soon be wed thereby. Then you won't have to worry about all those cacky pants.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 11:29 AM

Hey, Bunn, don't go hiding from those first years! I have it on good authority they're okay, if just a bit starry eyed and bouncing off of walls at first. (I just launched one myself a couple of weeks ago).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 11:34 AM

That brings back memories, it do... fall breezes and the rustle of corn fields lying low, brick buildings and green campus, green students and brick dorm monitors, and the wide open horizons of psychedelia ahead!! Man, those were...hmmmmmmm..... interesting days, and I am glad I survived them.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 03:09 PM

'Twas in the fall of ought-oh-six,
On a cool late summer's day
When MOABs fourteen-thousandth post
Was forty-five away
My true love came to me, did she
On kitten's feet to stand,
ANd laid her hand upon my arm,
And said won't it be grand?

Grand! Grand! It will be fourteen grand
And folks will bow their heads in awe,
From all across the land!
From the visions of the King Khandu
To Rapaire's most dext'rous hand
The children of MOAB will cheer,
When they reach fourteen grand.


And then another post was made
The gap was forty-four.
Re-post, riposte, gibe and assert,
They posted three times more.
And then a whim, and there a jest,
Came forth on every hand.
And Catters muttered east and west,
It's going to be grand!

Grand! Grand! It will be fourteen grand
And folks will bow their heads in awe,
From all across the land!
From the visions of the King Khandu
To Rapaire's most dext'rous hand
The children of MOAB will cheer,
When they reach fourteen grand.


Then came old Tweed, and Bunnhabain,
with several things to say,
And the gap went down to thirty-four
Before the end of day.
And still the posts came trickling in,
Like the glass' telling sand,
And soon the word spread far and wide,
"It's going to be grand!"

Grand! Grand! It will be fourteen grand
And folks will bow their heads in awe,
From all across the land!
From the visions of the King Khandu
To Rapaire's most dext'rous hand
The children of MOAB will cheer,
When they reach fourteen grand.


...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM

Is that poetry? Or is it a song? Or is poetry a song? Is a song poetry? Are they interchangeable, like this and that? Do we need another poem? Do we need another song? Don't we have enough poems and songs already? I say, let's sing the poems and songs we have before we go around making more!

Here, I'll start. Ahem. Allegro con vivo:

Let Sporus tremble — "What? that thing of silk,
Sporus, that mere white curd of ass's milk?
Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel?
Who breaks a Butterfly upon a Wheel?"
Yet let me flap this Bug with gilded wings,
This painted Child of Dirt that stinks and stings;
Whose Buzz the Witty and the Fair annoys,
Yet Wit ne'er tastes, and Beauty ne'er enjoys,
So well-bred Spaniels civilly delight
In mumbling of the Game they dare not bite.
Eternal Smiles his Emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.
Whether in florid Impotence he speaks,
And, as the Prompter breathes, the Puppet squeaks;
Or at the Ear of Eve, familiar Toad,
Half Froth, half Venom, spits himself abroad,
In Puns, or Politicks, or Tales, or Lyes,
Or Spite, or Smut, or Rymes, or Blasphemies.
His Wit all see-saw between that and this,
Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss,
And he himself one vile Antithesis.
Amphibious Thing! that acting either Part,
The trifling Head, or the corrupted Heart!
Fop at the Toilet, Flatt'rer at the Board,
Now trips a Lady, and now struts a Lord.
Eve's Tempter thus the Rabbins have exprest,
A Cherub's face, a Reptile all the rest;
Beauty that shocks you, Parts that none will trust,
Wit that can creep, and Pride that licks the dust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM

Wasn't that fun? I think I'll sing another poem! Feel free to join in, tempo di valse:

It's no go the merrygoround, it's no go the rickshaw,
All we want is a limousine and a ticket for the peepshow.
Their knickers are made of crêpe-de-chine, their shoes are made of python,
Their halls are lined with tiger rugs and their walls with heads of bison.

John MacDonald found a corpse, put it under the sofa,
Waited till it came to life and hit it with a poker,
Sold its eyes for souvenirs, sold its blood for whiskey,
Kept its bones for dumb-bells to use when he was fifty.

It's no go the Yogi-Man, it's no go Blavatsky,
All we want is a bank balance and a bit of skirt in a taxi.

Annie MacDougall went to milk, caught her foot in the heather,
Woke to hear a dance record playing of Old Vienna.
It's no go your maidenheads, it's no go your culture,
All we want is a Dunlop tyre and the devil mend the puncture.

The Laird o' Phelps spent Hogmanay declaring he was sober,
Counted his feet to prove the fact and found he had one foot over.
Mrs Carmichael had her fifth, looked at the job with repulsion,
Said to the midwife 'Take it away; I'm through with overproduction'.

It's no go the gossip column, it's no go the Ceilidh,
All we want is a mother's help and a sugar-stick for the baby.

Willie Murray cut his thumb, couldn't count the damage,
Took the hide of an Ayrshire cow and used it for a bandage.
His brother caught three hundred cran when the seas were lavish,
Threw the bleeders back in the sea and went upon the parish.

It's no go the Herring Board, it's no go the Bible,
All we want is a packet of fags when our hands are idle.

It's no go the picture palace, it's no go the stadium,
It's no go the country cot with a pot of pink geraniums,
It's no go the Government grants, it's no go the elections,
Sit on your arse for fifty years and hang your hat on a pension.

It's no go my honey love, it's no go my poppet;
Work your hands from day to day, the winds will blow the profit.
The glass is falling hour by hour, the glass will fall for ever,
But if you break the bloody glass you won't hold up the weather.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM

Travel has dulled our friend of books,
He's fallen off the wagon,
And once again, by hooks and crooks,
He sets his pen a-waggin'
With lines from history's greatest tomes,
Wherever greatness said it
He'll take it up and pass it on,
Without a hint of credit.
No author's names or sources wide
From our gifted far librarian
And all convention he denies
In fits of pique contrarian.
So let us make it up for hope
That he will grant surcease:
He's quoting Alexander Pope
And the poems of L. MacNeice.

Alexander Pope's "Epistle to Dr Arbuthnot" of January 1735
Louis MacNeice - Bagpipe Music


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 06:31 PM

I'm singing them!!! Jeez, don't you know the difference between singing and reciting poetry? You don't footnote songs! Just picture it: "Here's a little ditty from the hills of Midlothian entitled 'Wha' Would Ye Do, Me Jo?' by Angus McGeek open paranthesis Edinborough colon Hamish Rood Music Publishing comman eighteen hundred and ninety-one close parenthesis. Hope you like it."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM

Dodgy, dodgy, amigo. But I am bighearted and I will drop the issue. Because I respect you greatly, and love to hear you sing.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 11:29 PM

Sounds like a bedtime song this evening. It's putting me to sleep.

I wonder if those shirts will be here in time to wear for that 14,000th post? Wouldn't that be grand (canyon!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 11:43 PM

They will, if the crick don't rise, be mailed tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:51 AM

What a good, good fellow is our Rapaire!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:55 AM

Yes, indeed, and humble as well. And so very proud of his humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:53 AM

Ah, Babbitt, I know him well!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:54 AM

Hi Mom! Back from a wedding in Mississississississississippi. 5 out of 12 of the next generation of family married off now. plus 2 of the cousins kids. two more scheduled family wedding in the next year and a couple of associated ones. yikes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:50 AM

If you were as nearby as Mississippi, why didn't you hang a right and stop by Texas for a couple of days?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 11:01 AM

Yeah. And turn right to Pocatello. Wassamatter wit' youse?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 11:09 AM

I waved at texas! about 25 of the guests were from Texas as my sister has been near Dallas since Katherine (bride) was young. But with the 90th b'day party in florida in february (for my Dad) and a couple more family weddings before my new year of vacation starts next july I gotta be a bit chintzy with how many days I take off! I may get to Texas more often in the future (I have been going once a decade) since I now have a stopeover spot in Clinton, MS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 03:55 PM

How near is "near Dallas?" I'm "near Dallas" by about 45 miles in Fort Worth, or is she in El Paso, "near Dallas" by about 700 miles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:03 PM

Carollton? They are just north of the city. Closer to the city then Jed Marum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM

Poor, poor Pocatello. A rich musical scene, even an annual Bluegrass Festival, and yet no one ever visits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM

Visit? I can't even SPELL it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:58 PM

Jeez, a two letter word and he misspells "it".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:59 PM

Yeah, that's close. I haven't been there, but I hear about it on the traffic reports in the morning and evening drive time. :-/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:07 PM

I always wanted to do the morning traffic report when I worked in Burton, Ohio, right there in Ohio Amish Country:

"Yessir, folks, there's a buggy broke down on Gingerich Road, so y'all be careful right by Emil Miller's place. And up here in town traffic is slowed by a tractor over on the East Side of the Park. It's Earl, and he'll be headin' out the east road in a couple minutes. Over by the cafe there's a pickup takin' up two parkin' places; I think it's Bill Dwyer's old Chevy so Bill's probably inside havin' some of Dorothy's cherry pie and a cuppa coffee. That's the mornin' traffic, folks. And here's a word from Jake over at the hardware store, where he's got a big sale on fence staples and manure forks goin' on."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM

You can still hear those kinds of radio stations out in the boonies. Drive from Fort Worth to Albuquerque, for example. The big stations don't come in well out there, so you are stuck with the little ones if you want the local weather, etc. (I've seen some terrific storms out there--you need to know about storm spotters and such).

Nice weather here tonight, though. And cooling down into the 50s tonight! First time it has been that cool since probably back in May! I gave the dogs what is probably their last outside-with-the-garden-hose bath of the season this afternoon. For the next six months it will be in the tub in the hall bathroom. :) The catahoula tolerates the bath because she LOVES to be dried with the towel. The pit bull is a water baby, but she also loves to be dried with the towel. Heck, they love to be dried even if they aren't wet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:58 AM

The pit bull is a water baby
The Doberman's a fire sprite
The spaniel's an ascended master
Come back to set our lives to rights,
From the decay of lust and sin.
The Schnauzer is a telepath,
The Chihuahua is a djinn.
The golden is a wisp from Irish bogs.
There's more then you'd ever dream you'd have
To know about the secret lives of dogs.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:09 AM

The Irish Setter's always free,
Listening only to the Sidhe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 12:17 PM

Dogs are a fine addition to the species tree, and I think the world's a bette rplace for them being in it, and it is for sartin sho' they are better company than Republicans.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 12:26 PM

Hell, Amos. Dogs are better company than 'most any politician. 'Course, a rabid skunk is also better....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM

Well, out here in the West dogs are our bestest friends. Wallace McRae knows this, like all good Westerners do, and he writ a poem 'bout his dog. It's kinda like when Timmie fell down a well and Lassie...well, you know. This here poem kinda brings a tear to eyes of us folks out here.....

Old Bluffer         

I've long had to suffer you boys cussin' old Bluffer;
Good a pup as a feller could own.
But let me tell you a story that's both grim and gory
When that cow dog's true colors was shown.
Once old Bluffer'n me is rawhidin' you see
Fer a cow that is shellv and old.
She's twelve years past her youth 'n ain't got a tooth
In her head and she can't fake the cold.
She's lousy as well so this last arctic spell
Will for sure turn her titty-side up.
So we're pokin' around, searchin', coverin' ground,
Me, my hoss and old Bluffer, my pup.
As we're sicklin' along, I'm humrnin' some song
Then my hoss hits a hole hid by snow.
There's no time to get loose. I swaller my snoose.
Somethin' pops when we land and I know
That for sure a leg's been smashed like some egg.
But whose leg? My horse's or mine?
Then I guess I passed out.
Comin' to--ain't no doubt. Pony's gone.
I'm alone. Then a whine
From old Bluffer, my pard, who's been there standin' guard
And I'm thankful that I ain't alone.
Well old Bluff licks my chin 'n wags me a grin
Then I move and I stifle a moan.
I'm gittin' cold and I quiver. The pain sends a shiver
And I pass out again for a spell.
When I come up for air that good dog is still there
But my future looks shorter than hell.
As the waves of pain rage, I tear out a page
From my faithful old worn tally book,
And I carefully write a note of my plight
And location where searchers should look.
With my wild rag I waller old Bluffer a collar
And I carefully tie on my note.
I don't give him no choice.
In my no-nonsense voice "Bluffl Go home!"
Said with tears in my throat.
Can you guess the rest of old Bluff s hero test?
Well sir, you can all see I ain't dead,
But I find myself wishin' I could shed this suspicion
I got rollin' round in my head.
When them boys cut my track,'n brought me on back
Almost out of sight they found Bluffer
Right there by the trail a-waggin' his tail
Curled up, restin', watchin' me suffer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM

WHy thet low-down double-crossing no-good flea-bitten divil-crossed lousy good-fer-nothin' two-timin' snake-bellied two-bit croos-eyed coot of a lame-brain greenhorned sunovabitch!! Shoulda shot 'im!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:59 PM

Dally man got his thumb caught atween the rope and the horn, the cow come up short, and off goes the thumb! Straight up into the air, and the dog caught and swallered it.

Took the guy to the doc, explained what happened, and the doc asked, "Well, if I have the thumb I mighta been able to sew it back on. Why didn't you shoot the dog?"

Dally man answered, "Shoot the dog! He's the best one we got!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:51 PM

By the passing of my thumb,
Thumb thing wicked this way comes.
Dally not, to yell and shout,
In due course, 't will all come out.

But til the call of Judgement morn,
Gonna keep this dally 'round this horn,
'Cuz there never was no hero born
Who'd stoop to hollerin' "Nuff".

Badger Clark, High-Chin Bob



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:26 PM

Well, you kin dally er you kin tie off hard and fast.

It all depends on yer raisin', I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:55 PM

Either way, leaving yer thumb in there is not conducive to well-being.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:30 PM

Sam Hinton has a song about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:02 PM

Can't make heads nor tails of what Thomas the Rhymer is doing on his new thread, but I whipped out a few big names and arranged them artfully.

Anyone else paying attention to the time? And darn it, no shirt today, only a belated birthday card.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:05 PM

Would be inappropriate to ask for a picture of you wearing the birthday card?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:08 PM

Mailing was delayed. They'll go out tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:25 PM

Adieu, Chere Maman. I am offf to the woods of high Eastern Escondido to spend the weekend with a bunch of burly men-types beating on tambourines and getting in touch with their Inner Shmucks. Should be interesting. I think I know where my Inner Shmuck is--probably right where I left him just after that Gibson feller got excommunicated. Anyway I am sure I can find him, and he'd probably appreciate my checking in and asking after him, maybe asking him out to dance among the bears or some such. See ya Sunday, ok, Mom? Don't leave the light on -- I will be carrying a bear-fat torch when I come down the mountain. Or maybe painter-fat, huh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:33 PM

That card wouldn't cover much, so I'm sure it wouldn't be much of a photo.

I sent a response to that Narcissis thread that was just packed with erotic imagery, if he knows his ancient literature. A fun game, especially when played at great distance!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:37 PM

This one is pretty good also, by our American friend Emily:

IV.
FORBIDDEN fruit a flavor has
That lawful orchards mocks;
How luscious lies the pea within
The pod that Duty locks!


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