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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 10 Apr 07 - 10:10 AM
Acme 10 Apr 07 - 10:20 AM
MMario 10 Apr 07 - 10:24 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 07 - 11:48 AM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 07 - 10:00 PM
Amos 10 Apr 07 - 10:11 PM
Acme 11 Apr 07 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 07 - 09:06 AM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 07 - 09:21 AM
MMario 11 Apr 07 - 09:30 AM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 10:13 AM
Acme 11 Apr 07 - 12:55 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 01:29 PM
MMario 11 Apr 07 - 01:34 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 02:59 PM
MMario 11 Apr 07 - 03:02 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 03:13 PM
MMario 11 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM
MMario 11 Apr 07 - 03:22 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 07 - 03:23 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 04:15 PM
MMario 11 Apr 07 - 04:18 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 06:34 PM
Acme 11 Apr 07 - 08:37 PM
Amos 11 Apr 07 - 08:42 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 07 - 11:05 PM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 12:53 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 07 - 09:02 AM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 09:30 AM
MMario 12 Apr 07 - 10:07 AM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 10:18 AM
MMario 12 Apr 07 - 10:24 AM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 10:39 AM
MMario 12 Apr 07 - 10:41 AM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 10:45 AM
Acme 12 Apr 07 - 10:54 AM
MMario 12 Apr 07 - 10:58 AM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 07 - 12:12 PM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 12:58 PM
MMario 12 Apr 07 - 01:05 PM
beardedbruce 12 Apr 07 - 01:10 PM
MMario 12 Apr 07 - 01:14 PM
Amos 12 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 10:10 AM

What, Mom? Yeah, I got first aid and my bruises are all treated. The splinters were pulled and the burns have been bandaged. Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking. And I got some sleep. Yeah, I knw we got past 17 Grand thanks to all that doggerel. Glad I could help, sweet of you to say so. No, I haven't gotten cards or letters. Rapaireposted another boat song. I'm glad you liked the rhymes. You know I allus will do what I can do. No, actually, no-one else has said anything, but that doesn't mean....Mom!! Not the bamboo rod!! They don't deserve that! They wus busy!! Please, cool off, wouldja? Here, let me get you as martini...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 10:20 AM

Thanks, Amos, we knew you could do it!

To show my gratitude, I'll let this little girl serenade you for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 10:24 AM

If you'll pardon the digression into muysic releated tales - over the weekend I found about 20 verses to Ton O' Bedlam-- so I'm gonna mix and match and pick and choose and come up with my "own" version.

Gotta an invite to sing at an open mike at the church saturday - and have a gig at the Hudson Valley MayFaire first week of May. So it's timely.

Now back to your irregularly scheduled BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 10:55 AM

I think I liked the student Mozart rendition in that YouTube better, musically. The cat would be more persuasive if she didn't keep looking around for an escape path. :)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 11:48 AM

I found the cat's piano playing to be wooden, forced, and derivative. Much like my own.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 03:08 PM

I suspect most occasions when you find things to be wooden, it is pretty derivative and forced, old friend. Just, you know, a suspicion...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 10:00 PM

I wooden know.

Didja hear about the time Jesus was out walking around Heaven incognito, and he wandered into a small, obscure section of the Heavenly City. Down a quaint alley he heard hammering and sawing and, having spent part of his life as a carpenter, he was interested and walked down to the door of a small shop.

There inside was an old, bearded man, his gnarled hands using a plane to smooth a board. Jesus said, "That's nice work, old man."

And the old man replied, "Yes, I enjoy it even here. I only wish that my son was here to work with me. He was a very special person, though...he wasn't human. And I haven't seen him in many, many years."

And a light dawned in Jesus's mind, and he said, choking back tears, he exclaimed, "FATHER!"

And the old man looked back and said, "Pinnochio?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 10:11 PM

Yeah, I still get a grin out of that one. And you type it so well, too.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 12:05 AM

tsk tsk

He's just stringing you along, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:06 AM

His code name is "Sam The Eagle" because Amos is soooooooo right-wing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:17 AM

Sorry, man, but I think you need to move to South Dakota and take Dakoting lessons.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:21 AM

Did I ever mention that I'm one of the Grandchildren of the Lens?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 09:30 AM

So, what was Worsel really like? and Nadreck?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:13 AM

Yeah, I have one of those bracelets, too, packed away with my leisure suits from the 70's somewhere in a box. It probably needs a new battery by now.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 12:55 PM

Grandchildren of the Lens?

I don't have a clue as to what that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:01 PM

The Lensman Series, a series of fantastic futuristic sci-fi by a chap named E.E. "Doc" Smith, written about 50 years ago and a major artifact of the Golden Era of Sci Fi.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM

Yeah, there are a whole bunch of us. Uncles of the Lens, Great-Aunts Twiced Removed On Uncle Worsel's Side of the Lens, Natural Children of the Lens, Unnatural Children of the Lens, Orphans of the Lens, Adopted Children of the Lens, Foster Children of the Lens, Best Friends of Sisters of the Lens' Best Friend's Boy Friend's Neighbor of the Lens...just lots of us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:29 PM

About all of whom, for reasons never made public knowledge, E.E. Smith denied all cognizance.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:34 PM

Don't forget those classic tales

The Tin woodsmen of the Lens
The Cowardly lion of the Lens
The Scarecrow of the Lens
The emerald City of the Lens
The gnome King of the Lens
The Hungry Tiger of the Lens

Frank Baum was really very derivitive - he even changed his name to Lens Frank Baum; but usually abbreviated it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:59 PM

About all of whom, for reasons never made public knowledge, E.E. Smith denied all cognizance.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:02 PM

Hey MOM!

Just so you know that at least on of your kids is out inspiring others:

this little exchange really needs to be archived for posterity:

From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 01:37 PM

I have seen some Greeks bare, but their gifts were all above the equator.

A

------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:05 PM

Athena Greek goddeth oneth, Amoth
--------------------------------------------------------------------
From: John 'Giok' MacKenzie
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:18 PM

Amos Amoth amat?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 02:55 PM

Amos Amoth amat

Uh.....I came, I saw Amos nekkid, I tossed lunch?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:13 PM

In August of this year. The Hadron collider http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider
will be switched on and power proton particle streams at such velocities that their mass will exceed that of a couple city buses and create a collision that may open new doors to an understanding of particle physics, dimensions, black holes, dark matter and the search for the elusive Higgs boson.


I've been aloft in gale and breeze,
All across the Southern Ocean,
But a defter dodger ne'er I seed
Than Higgs, the absent Bosun.
He'd sign the sheet, before we sailed,
And promise work a-plenty,
But searching for him down below,
The bosun's bunk was empty.
He warn't on deck, nor up aloft,
Nor in the locker round,
He wasn't curled up by the gun.
He was nowhere to be found!

One night off the Newfoundland shoals
All hands were called for watches,
The fog had grown as thick as mud
Which before had just been patches.
The chaplain was even sent aloft,
From the stabbd yard to dandle,
Thinking from there, he'd be more apt
Some miracle to handle.

But no-one took the topmast perch,
As we cruised the fog-blind ocean.
That weas the station, at such times,
Reserved for the old ship's bosun.
We mighta had a chance that night,
Through pea-soup fog a-gliding
But no-one saw the Hadron's lights
Before we were colliding.

Our ship was never built for such,
A trader, not a fighter,
And most of the hands went down with her,
That poor Hadron collider.
I lost a lot of friends of mine,
In the freezing, midnight ocean;
And I curse until the end of time,
"Goddamn that Higgs, the bosun!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM


BRAVO!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:15 PM

The least you could do, if you insist on calling Spaw the least of us, is include my grammatically correct rejoinder, which I forget what was.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:22 PM

Ha! Obviously I can do less! (Maybe I should apply to LFPS; but applying myself would probably disqualify me - anyone want to apply for me?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 03:23 PM

BRAVISSIMO!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 04:15 PM

Oh, boy-os, I feel SO much better I just can't tell youse.

A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 04:18 PM

Why no attribution, though? Those are frequently my favorite part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 06:34 PM

Why, MM! Younever said!!! :D I'll put one in next time.


S


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 08:37 PM

S ?

You missed. One letter for the whole, and you missed it.

Are your hands shaking still from that last performance?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 08:42 PM

Well, I had made a promise, and singing it "S" was like crossing my fingers, in case I forget...er...something like that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:05 PM

You think that will save your S???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:53 AM

The First Vowel has no need of having his "S" saved, sirrah! ;>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:02 AM

Oh. Well, lap my a and call me a ucker! I kinda alway thought " " wa kinda important.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:30 AM

No question. It is just not at risk, and hence does not need to be saved. The dignity of the First Vowel shelters ALL the letters from harm. This is the secret behind the fact that every other letter is always happy to form a phoneme with the First Vowel. Other vowels, with less dignity (I am thinking in particular of "Y" here") do not enjoy such universal support from their colleages in the alphabet industry. There are, for example, axes and oxen, but nary an yxe.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:07 AM

A recent partial transcription of various Linear 'B" fragments from anciant Crete have been rendered thusly:

And it shall come to pass, that the Great Vowel Shift shall come over the world, and the First shall be Last, and the Last shall be First. There shall be no more axes and oxen, but yxes and ixun shyll flierosh bunuyth the vyelts of the huyvuns ynd yll shyll bu ys irdyonud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:18 AM

I think you write heresy, good MM. You are, after all, a man of Ms. Your transcript strikes me as finctional -- it could not be authentic. But for it to be heretical, it must not only fly in the face of alphabetical orthodoxy, but it must ALSO pass the test of violating the doctrine of a religion.

I am half-tempted, therefore, to found yet another religious organization, the Church of the Alphabet, with its Order of the Vowels for those who wish to dedicate their lives wholly to the Purposes laid down so long ago by the Deus Alphabeticus, and the Order of the Consonants for those laymen who wish to particpate only part of the time.

Ideas for services, prayers, hymns, and doctrinal lessons are welcome. If someone could come up with a mess of absolutely improbable tales about the divine interference of the Alphabet God in the lives of ordinary mortals in ancient history, which we could then present as historical fact, not to be questioned, it would be really great.

A
First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:24 AM

MOM!

Amos sez he's First Vowel and he's already High Priest of the Golden Globes. It's not fair!

Make him share!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:39 AM

MM:

If you change your name to BBarry you can be First Consonant. How's that?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:41 AM

Which would make me a Lay Person? Are you telling me I need to get Lay'd?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:45 AM

Well, personally, I am always in favor of people getting laid. But as far as the Church of the Alphabet is concerned, we are concerned with higher things, and leave such decisions up to the individual.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:54 AM

A moment of silence, please. Mom says so.

Hats off.

Kurt Vonnegut has left the building.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:58 AM

A Question O First Vowel!

(or perhaps that should be "A" First Vowel?)

What is the Canon of the Church of the Alphabet regarding such writings as "On Beyond Zebra"?

What is the stance of the Church on Syllabic writing, heiroglyphs and Pictographs?

(Were Pictographs the results of pre-celtic mathematics?)

Most importantly, what is the Church's stand on dipthongs? Can two vowel or consonents blend, or must it be a vowel and a consonent? Are tripthongs allowable?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 11:43 AM

Ah, MM, you have laden me with exertions this morning. I have consulted with the eldest of the Alphabetic Elders concerning your excellent questions. They offer the following guidance:

What is the Canon of the Church of the Alphabet regarding such writings as "On Beyond Zebra"?

The Church encourages exploration of Alphabetical Glory in general, but admonishes adherents not to resort to heretical combinations or to lightly abandon the centuries of wisdom that are inherent in the modern alphabet.

What is the stance of the Church on Syllabic writing, heiroglyphs and Pictographs?

Deus Alphabeticus has worked many wonders over the millenia while perfecting Its Best Begotten Alphabet, the one which we are now famililar with. These ancient wonders are not to be made less of. However, it is clear that such works were early trials at revealing Alphabetic Glory, and are not substitutes for the Real Alphabet as we now know it. In evidence of which, you will find that there are no children's songs reciting the Pictographic alphabet, are there? Such a song is impossible -- it would never scan. (Little dog, big dog, three-quarters of a square, Thing lilke a tree with wavy hair. Something kind of like an ampersand but bigger, arrow pointing at a 45 degree angle, circle with lines coming out of it, lady-face-looking-right... it's hopeless!)

(Were Pictographs the results of pre-celtic mathematics?)

They were a pre-enlightenment effort by ancient peoples to discover the Glory of the True Alphabet, but not a successful one.


Most importantly, what is the Church's stand on dipthongs?

Thongs of all kinds are encouraged as part of the Church's policy of encouraging ecumenical brotherhood with other religious organizations such as the honorable Temple of the Golden Globes.

Hope this helps.

A.
First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:12 PM

So, ah, what about things like the intermixing of "I" and "J" or the use of "W" as a vowel? What about Hebrew vowels, which can be an important sticking point? Are there Secrets hidden in the Vowels, such as the one supposedly contained in the first four vowels of the Phonetic Alphabet: Alpha Echo India Oscar?

And what does the Church teach about shifting vowels around -- the so-called "vowel movement"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:58 PM

All letters are brothers, good Rapaire. The First Vowel who speaks for Deus Alphabeticus himself has pronounced this as the First Lesson. In His Heart, there is even room for the unlettered (shudder) and the un-alphabetized.

But, within this generous and benevolent love, the True Alphabet is first among equals, and those letters are more brothers than the ones you mention.

As for vowel movements, of course there have been many throughout the glorious History of the Church. The Elder's Wisdom in this regard is to accept vowel movements as part of life, but not to foment or particularly encourage them. The Elder's guidance in this respect is, if you must make vowel movements, do so in private.

In this respect there is a common wisdom between The Church of the Alphabet and that of the Christians.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:05 PM

So, what about Alphanumerics? Are the numerals recognized? Could they precede the First Vowel?

How does the True Alphabet reccomend one should deal with "special" characters, such as the Ampersand and the semi-colen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:10 PM

http://www.asciitable.com/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:14 PM

BeardedBruce appears to currently be First Consonent...*grin*

BTW - his posting leads me to ask.

What is the True Alphabet's policy regarding [shudder] non-displaying characters?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM

Non-displaying characters are like condoms. They are no part of God's design, but were invented by men, pursuing Mammon.

A


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