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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:30 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:30 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:31 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 04:33 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 05:55 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 08:29 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 10:05 PM
Acme 15 May 07 - 10:17 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 11:09 PM
Acme 15 May 07 - 11:15 PM
MMario 16 May 07 - 08:28 AM
Rapparee 16 May 07 - 09:25 AM
MMario 16 May 07 - 09:29 AM
MMario 16 May 07 - 10:17 AM
Acme 16 May 07 - 12:49 PM
Amos 16 May 07 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 16 May 07 - 04:19 PM
Acme 16 May 07 - 07:20 PM
John Hardly 16 May 07 - 07:30 PM
Rustic Rebel 16 May 07 - 07:40 PM
Amos 16 May 07 - 07:55 PM
Amos 16 May 07 - 08:03 PM
Acme 16 May 07 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 16 May 07 - 09:08 PM
Amos 16 May 07 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 16 May 07 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 16 May 07 - 09:29 PM
Amos 16 May 07 - 09:37 PM
Acme 16 May 07 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 16 May 07 - 09:55 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 01:11 AM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 09:01 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 09:09 AM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 09:24 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 09:47 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 10:24 AM
MMario 17 May 07 - 10:28 AM
Amos 17 May 07 - 11:31 AM
Acme 17 May 07 - 02:58 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 05:06 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:01 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:02 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM
Acme 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 06:27 PM
Amos 17 May 07 - 08:54 PM
Rapparee 17 May 07 - 09:36 PM
Amos 17 May 07 - 09:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:30 PM

half-way


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:30 PM

mid-point


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:31 PM

got that one down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:33 PM

Braaaaaavo, John!!!!!!!!!!




Not so bad, is it?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:55 PM

There are, John,

Easier Ways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:12 PM

See, Rapaire? That's the difference betwixt us. I offer encouragement, you jes' show off. Sigh. Don't you lissen to anything Mom says?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 08:29 PM

There ARE easier ways, and I will explain them. So lissen up.

First of all, find a place like this one. That'll give you the lowdown on html codes.

Then write whatever you want in a word processing program that allows you to publish it to HTML, choosing your fonts and colors and font sizes. If you use a decent program like Word Perfect you have a command for this in the "File" menu under "Publish to" (HTML, XLM, PDF, etc.). Choose HTML and put in the file where you want it (remember where you put it!). Or in an indecent program like Word, go to file and choose "Save As Web Page."

Close it all down and open your web browser. Open up MOAB, then open another tab on the browser (usually control-t). On the second screen go to File, and choose "Open File". Select the file you saved. Magically is will appear! Go to View and click on View Page Source. Even more magically the HTML will appear! Now, ignore most of what displays and highlight that section with your message on it. Copy and paste this into the "Reply to Thread" box in MOAB. Click on "Preview" and then "Submit Message" and you'll see what your message will look like BEFORE it becomes posted. If you get an "Illegal Tag" message just delete stuff between the pointed brackets at the beginning and the same thing with the / at the end. Do this judiciously, and preview, preview, preview until you don't get any more "Illegal Tag" messages.

Now, to get fancy. Go to that HTML codes page. Somewhere at the beginning of the HTML in front of your message insert something like your message.

(Refer to the "marquee" entry in the HTML list for what I just did.)

This will make your message scroll horizontally. You can also make it do other tricks. If you put (marquee direction=alternate)xxx(/marquee direction=alternate) before and after your message it will bounce from side to side. Of course, you substitute pointed brackets for the () above.

There is an HTML practice Permathread somewhere.

And it takes far less time to write all this than it does to do it.

Nyah, nyah, nyah, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 09:57 PM

Ya know, Rapaire, in the time it takes to bounce around in your WP programs and publish to HTML andf View Source and eliminate the parts of the source HTML that Mudcat won't accept and then copy and paste it into a thread you could have read and replied to four threads, if you were to just type the brackets and containers out yourself.

So neener neener your own self!!



Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:05 PM

You learn what won't be accepted pretty quickly and don't bother copy 'n' pasting that in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:17 PM

I just type it in as I go. Easy. Good for the memory.

This goes from one side to the other and is called marquee.

Put it in carets and it will move across the screen.

You can do color and size a number of ways.

Have you noticed that John is getting the hang of this place? And his puns are really bad? (That's good) I think we've corrupted another soul to the dark forces of MOAB.

:-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 11:09 PM

I'm just too lazy to bother to learn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 07 - 11:15 PM

It's lazier to type in your own code than it is to jump through all of those hoops.

Get the book HTML for the World Wide Web, Visual Quick Start is the series, in whatever edition it is now. Peachpit Press. It has some great tips and the appendices in the back are very useful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 May 07 - 08:28 AM

yuyp - typing it in is the lazy way. I belong to a forum that uses *shudder* "forum codes" and what a pain that is. It's still quicker to type it then to highlight and click (which is what they want you to do) but they change all the codes just enough to be a bugger....

I'm constantly having to re-type because I am used to straight html.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:25 AM

And you have to remember that sometimes one HTML tag won't work on all machines. This may or may not blink, depending.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:29 AM

Holey Moley Macaroni!

We're in the midst of a SPAM-storm!

One even hit MOAB for a second or two!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 May 07 - 10:17 AM

d*mmit MOM!

Take shelter!

The spam is getting thicker and thicker. Doesn't look like much improvement ahead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 07 - 12:49 PM

Mudcat disappeared for a little while. Was that why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 07 - 12:51 PM

I reckon the server got swamped by a shitstorm from Evil Incarnate, the horned Spam-Devil.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 04:19 PM

Mom needs protection!

I've called the Idaho Legion! Even now they are springing into action, trying to get out of bed, trying to mount their mighty steeds, trying to remember where they left the keys to the Arms Room, trying to remember what happened last night, trying to sober up....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 07 - 07:20 PM

Mom, do you have any white paint?

    SOMERVILLE, Mass. - More fruits and vegetables were added to school lunches. Restaurants offered smaller portions. Crosswalks even got a fresh coat of paint to encourage walking and biking.

    The whole city of Somerville went on a diet to curb childhood obesity. And researchers say it worked.

    Tufts University nutrition experts found public schoolchildren in this Boston suburb avoided gaining about a pound of excess weight compared with their 8-year-old counterparts in two nearby communities.

I'll paint a crosswalk in front of my house and see if it makes my extra weight go away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 16 May 07 - 07:30 PM

The most famous painted crosswalk in the world: Abbey Road

The least used crosswalk in the world: Flabby Road


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 May 07 - 07:40 PM

I've smoked dope, chewed rope
Danced, French romanced.
Fucked, farted, faught
Shot the moon, and drove big trucks.
I've been to Janesville, Maine, Spain, Spokane and Fort Wayne.
Seen three world fairs, been around the world twice.
Looked danger in the face, and seen goats fuck in the marketplace.
But I ain't never seen no bullshit, like the bullshit that goes on in this place.

Anonymous-Saunter with sardines and crackers.


Hello MOABS!

P.S. Dear Mother,
Happy Christmas, New Years, May Day, Birthday, Mother's Day, Elephant Day, Spatula Day, Chongo the Chimp Day, Valentines Day, Hobbledehoy Day, Duckbilled Platypus Day and all those other Love You's days I ain't been around for.
Peace, Rustic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 07 - 07:55 PM

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Rebel's Back in Town!!!!!



Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 07 - 08:03 PM

Mommmmm!!!! Looooook!!



"NUCLEAR MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING WITH 90-nm RESOLUTION has been
achieved by John Mamin and his colleagues at the IBM Almaden lab in
San Jose, California. The approach used, magnetic resonance force
microscopy (MRFM), maps the location of matter at small scales by
observing the resonant vibration of a spindly sliver of silicon
(bearing the sample in question) when it is both exposed to
radio-frequency waves and scanned over a tiny magnetic tip (see
figure at http://www.aip.org/png/2007/278.htm ). Previously this
same group of physicists had used a similar setup to detect the
magnetic resonance of a single unpaired electron in a sample
(http://www.aip.org/png/2007/278.htm) But now they are detecting
the magnetic resonance of nuclei in the sample, a much more
difficult thing since nuclear magnetism is much weaker than electron
magnetism (in the case of hydrogen some 660 times weaker). "

These guys are still doing Science!!! Isn't that supposed to be iiegal now or something?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 07 - 08:08 PM

You saved up for a long time, Rustic! Don't be such a stranger.

Hmmm. Anyone hear from BWL in a while? Is he down in that fire area? Are the flames threatening his blow-down from the last few wind storms?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:08 PM

I don't think Bee Dub is in the danger zone. I spoke with my nephew in Pensecola on Sunday afternoon and he was sitting around enjoying the beach. If the fires were near he would have told me, just to impress his Old Unc.

I did threaten to have Bee Dub visit him there on the Marine Base part of Pensecola Navel Air Station.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:15 PM

There is no such thing as a Navel Air Station, Rapaire. Navels, like many other things in the sad modern age, are inextricably linked to assholes, and cannot take flight.

Nor is there such a place as Pensecola, which sounds like a soft drink for the philosophically inclined.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:21 PM

Oh, yeah.

WELCOME BACK, RUSTIC!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:29 PM

I dunno. I jist quotes what Ol' Joe (age 19) told me. Personally, I don't believe in Arkansas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:37 PM

Cain't half blame ya, there. Hadna been for thet folk song about looking through the wrong end of a telescope from Hell, I wouldn't believe in Arkansas eiver.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:42 PM

Well, I don't believe in "gross buckets." Little Hawk is going to have to prove that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:55 PM

"Gross Buckets" is, of course, a reference to an immortal comic strip. I leave it to you to discover which, but I will give a hint: Bill the Cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 01:11 AM

I never paid much attention to Bill the Cat. Except his


!!Aaccckkkkkk!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:01 AM

My personal hero was Cutter John.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:09 AM

That explains a great deal that would be otherwise completely unfathomable. Mine was Mark Twain, who, as you know, is not at all unfathomable, but is known to be bi-fathomable.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:24 AM

Well, Amos ol' buddy, I grew up in Mark Twain Country. Yessir, me an' Sam Clemens go back a long, long way. I remember one time I showed Sam how to make money by not whitewashin' a fence. 'Nother time I showed him some tricks about steamboat navigatin'. But mostly we'd drink beer and tell each other tales. I told him one about a guy who loaded up a frog with lead shot; Sam used that in one of the things he wrote, if I 'member aright. Then there was the time that Same and three or four of the girls from "Rosie's" were "picnicin'" on Long Island and the boat "James K. Fletcher" pulled a bit too close to shore. The boat was carryin' a load of Methodist preachers and their congrygations on an excursion up to Keokuk and when they got an eyeful of Sam and girls cavortin' and skinny dippin' them tight-laced ladies and gents like to took the williwaws! Well, at least the ladies did. The gents were cheerin' Sam on and the preachers were takin' notes for their next Sunday's sermons, they said.

Hard ta make a hero outa a good friend like Sam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:47 AM

We're seventeen-five-and-ninety now,
I said to Mom today.
It's really quite miraculous
You've made this madness pay.
You've drawn them out, you've made them shout,
You've coddled the craziest loons.
And you've built a monument in this thread,
While the others jes' talked tunes.

It was Mom who kept the back door wide,
For those who needed rest
Who just wanted a place they could eat and hide,
While they dreamed up better B.S.
It was Mom who brought their fiery souls
To settle down a spell,
When Rapaire would draw his vorpal blade,
And threaten Bee Dubya Ell.

It was Mom who paid to replace the glass,
When Amos hit grand slams
And Mom who couseled Rustic lass,
To be only what she am.
It was Mom who gave out gardening tips
When Stilly got frustrated,
And yes, Mom it was who called the fuzz
And got LH incarcerated.

And through it all, in her treasured hall,
While we all were coming and going,
It was Mom who manned the parlor couch,
And kept the BS flowing.
When the world was too much on our minds,
And we couldn't raise a smile,
It was Mom who'd turn us on our heads
In her best spatulate smile.

The BS has run both long and deep,
Both wise, and terse, and silly.
And though some have left, we still have the best,
Like Rapaire, and Bunn, and Stilly.
We still get talk from Little Hawk,
(Who was let out for good behavior)
And we all -- deep inside -- recognize with pride,
We are rich with that MOAB flavor.

Yes, you're seventeen-five-and-ninety now,
I said to Mom today.
There is no telling how much time
This game has left to play.
But wherever folkies congregate,
And argue 'bout keys and time,
There's an awe-struck sound, when the talk comes round
To the depth of the MOAB mind.

For the BS was long, and the BS was deep,
And it ranged full wide and far.
There was color and tone, and the length alone
Would see you past the stars!
And if some far day sees our Eighteen K,
Come rolling down the pike,
Folks out for the ride will just say with pride,
"Well, that's what Mom is like!"

Aspartane Swelling Wotsat IV.
Ballads of Good Medicine in Bad Hands
Woodby, Betirov, Dedd, pubs., Woodstock-on-Rhyffle, 1989


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:24 AM

So let me get this straight, you windy blowhard fascinating source of rich historic detail:

a. You are approximately 180 years old.
b. You are living proof of reincarnation with complete and perfect recall.
c. You are an incorrigible compulsive fabricator.

Choose one and get back to me, wouldja?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:28 AM

Isn't it possible he travels in time? or that Sam does? (Come to think of it, I have met Sam - and that was in the current "present" )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 11:31 AM

Here on the MOAB, anything is possible. It is a place of unlimited buffonery magic, where most anything can happen, and most everything does. This magical property, however, is not pure license to broadcast drivel, and no true MOABite confuses the two. Of this I am certain.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 02:58 PM

The Liberry folks have kept me busy today, Mom. Just checking in to see if you had your afternoon snack and to be sure the dogs are still in the yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 05:06 PM

Sirrah, you have deeply offended and wounded me. Tho' I speak naught but the truth, and sometimes more than the truth, you have impugned my character, my veracity, and my honour. And since honour demands satisfaction (and the challenged gets the choice of weapons), I will say that the mongrel pup which so courteously washed clean your boot of the vileness in which you habitually tread hath a visage finer than your own.

There are photographs, taken by a perverted photographer on the steamboat, of Sam and his friends cavorting and gamboling amidst Nature.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:01 PM

Hey MOM! My tiller is ready to pick up. Only been in the shop two months (at least). Almost missed the growing season down here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:02 PM

Well, okay, you're right. The growing season is long. And this year, so is the mowing season.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM

The grass is so thick and tall and juicy from all of the rain, you see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:03 PM

And I don't use the self-propelled switch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 06:27 PM

You can sure as heck bet that I use the self-propelled feature!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 08:54 PM

From your reaction it appears that you chose one as having the highest probability. WHich one was it?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:36 PM

I got it at Sears, but the next time I'll buy a Honda. High probability of NOT having the mower in the shop at least once per year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:39 PM

OK, then. I see the lie of the land, so to speak.

If you don't like my walking in doodoo, Mister R., stop spreading it in front of my feet!! :D


A


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