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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 16 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 07 - 03:26 PM
Amos 16 Jul 07 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 07 - 06:16 PM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 12:59 AM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 01:55 AM
Rapparee 17 Jul 07 - 09:07 AM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 12:08 PM
Rapparee 17 Jul 07 - 02:05 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 02:21 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 02:37 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 03:44 PM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 10:54 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 10:59 PM
Amos 18 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM
Acme 18 Jul 07 - 03:02 PM
Amos 18 Jul 07 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 07 - 08:15 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 07 - 09:21 PM
Amos 18 Jul 07 - 09:27 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 07 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 07 - 09:50 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jul 07 - 09:53 PM
Amos 18 Jul 07 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 07 - 10:12 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jul 07 - 10:20 PM
Acme 18 Jul 07 - 11:02 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jul 07 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 07 - 09:20 AM
Amos 19 Jul 07 - 10:26 AM
beardedbruce 19 Jul 07 - 10:58 AM
Amos 19 Jul 07 - 11:14 AM
Acme 19 Jul 07 - 01:37 PM
MMario 19 Jul 07 - 01:40 PM
Little Hawk 19 Jul 07 - 01:46 PM
Amos 19 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 07 - 03:31 PM
Amos 19 Jul 07 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 07 - 06:33 PM
Amos 19 Jul 07 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 07 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 07 - 09:20 AM
MMario 20 Jul 07 - 10:37 AM
Amos 20 Jul 07 - 11:30 AM
Amos 20 Jul 07 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 20 Jul 07 - 12:02 PM
MMario 20 Jul 07 - 12:15 PM
Amos 20 Jul 07 - 12:23 PM
MMario 20 Jul 07 - 12:25 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM

I think some librarian torqued her tail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:26 PM

It wasn't this one, if that's what you're thinking! I've been on the phone all morning about GASB 34.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 04:35 PM

WHich, as Rapaire conveniently omits mentioning, is the latest high-level plan to take over the world and convert all the nations, states, counties, provinces, regions and villages therein from English measurement systems and English/Latin hierarchies of classification to Dewey Decimal.

I hear Dick Cheny and Karl Rove are involved as it will improve oil revenues in ways we can't imagine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 06:16 PM

No, it's a plot by the Government Accounting Standards Board to drive everyone stark raving mad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 12:59 AM

Hey, Mom! I just sold a piece of trash on eBay for $100! It's one of two light fixtures I picked out of a neighbor's trash pile last fall. The other one is still running (the small one sold in the first 24 hours so I probably priced it too low). Brass and crystal has a nice way of cleaning up if you do it right. :)

Huzzah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 01:55 AM

Mom always said Stilly was the one with a head for business. Way to go; one less chandelier will have to be made.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 09:07 AM

I tried selling trash once, but nobody would buy me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 12:08 PM

I love the idea that a perfectly good and in fact rather lovely (though dated, I'm sure, as far as those homeowners were concerned) fixture, to say nothing of the chunk of brass that went into it, will continue to be appreciated and have a useful life. Who knows that is buried in landfills because people couldn't be bothered to recycle?

Okay. Off my soap box. I just had a request from someone to drop the shipping charge by $30 on the other one, then he might bid. I explained in excruciating detail how I arrived at the shipping cost and how he in fact may reproduce this number and find that I'm actually subsidizing by not charging for the box and packing materials (it seems so high to me that I made this choice, but I'll be damned if I'll let a cheapskate suggest that I'm gouging!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 02:05 PM

Mom's kids do not gouge others. Just charge all the traffic will bear plus 50%.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 02:21 PM

Most such uncharitable negotiations are, au fond simple projection of one's own shortcomings onto others, I have learned.

Hold that line!!!!!!


:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 02:37 PM

In the last three days I have moved abot 1.3 tons of building blocks to a neat array in the back of the house, taken down three patio lighting fixtures and replaced and rewired them, including figuring out how to bypass the light and motion sensor subroutines so they just damn well go on when they are told to, scrubbed the shower, fixed the garden hose, reprogrammed the sprikler system and acted as companion and chauffeur to my BBW, who is doing much better but still is not quite able to drive a manual shift with her healing shoulder. And cleaned up the garage.

But, I get lots of encouragement for all this sweat. Which, after all, is all I need to keep me happy!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 03:44 PM

Far past the unsheathed range of night,
Beyond the plane where mortal beings stress,
Struggling to master lesser rights
And fearing greater wrongs to e'er confess,
Beyond the realm where human turmoil reigns
And cruel force reduces all to nil,
There is a sphere, free from contriving pain,
Where all is whim, and light, and Will.

In these high ranges darkness yields to light,
And high creative spirit bans duress;
Here is the answer to the mortal night,
Immortal font of all true, pure, B.S.
None here does suffer from confusion's strains
Nor stumbles, crushed in flesh and will;
Here doth every soul their right regain,
And in creative honor shine both bright and still.

These are the powerful sources of our Mother's hand,
Which do inform her every smile and turn;
Then, stranger, follow, to a better land,
Where bright B.S. doth every honor earn,
And proud BS' torches burn, and burn.


Antony Anstyly
Where Dwells The Not
Murk and Maunder, pubs.
New London, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM

Amazing, Amos! All of those words and they say absolutely NOTHING! What a perfectly reflective yet gossamer thin piece of handiwork! What a remarkable gift you wield (not to be confused with political obfuscation as is practiced by the current administration. They're measurably different. Somehow. I know they are.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:54 PM

Where are all of our western Mudcat MOABites? Setting up your drip Gatorade IVs? I read that it is still a little hot out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:59 PM

That he often says most who speaketh least, I have frequently been told; but only as a remedial suggestion. :D Thanks for your rather bewildering remarks, Mag! I was emulating the towering Masters of Semantically Null Flourishes, people like Matthew Arnold and other late Victorians who took it to a fine art. I alas, am but an apprentice at the feet of the great Fluffmasters.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM

Now our Mom is falling low.
Where did everybody go?
Stilly, Bunn, and Rustic, where?
Gone to ground, my friend Rapaire!
Where is Khandu, Spaw or Tweed,
All renowned for BS deeds?
Lost in storms of life's duress,
And only I come to provide
Solace at our Mother's side...
Only I, here to BS.

Walt Whittler
Leaves of Many Grasses
East Village Headpress, 1965


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 03:02 PM

I mailed my first light fixture this morning. Hey MOM, can I poke around in your basement for any old stuff you want to haul off to the dump?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 04:21 PM

Well, I guess I could let you have all those old Martin Gibson posts... and how much do you think you could get for those gargoyles? Aren't they rare?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 08:15 PM

WE have returned. You must be pleased to know that we have done so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 09:21 PM

There are a few claymores around, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 09:27 PM

I dunno who "we" is but when Rapaire gets back, let him know I finished putting up the new patio track floods and they look just divine.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 09:40 PM

"We" is Our humble self. We hope that the lights illuminating your flooded track are all that you expect and more, although why you would want to light a flooded track escapes Us. Perhaps you are hosting some sort of aquatic track event? Perhaps the 400 meters high-water hurdles? Or the Baywatch broad jump?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 09:50 PM

We're sorry, We misunderstood, but now understand. You have flooded your patio tracks. Congratulation!

We still don't understand why you would do this, however.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 09:53 PM

Neither do we.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 10:07 PM

They are called flood lights, Oh Ignorant Multiple Personality Syndromes, because they flood the patio with light; and they are installed on tracks from which they receive their power so to do. Thus, they make all clear and bright. Unlike your August Polyselves.

Is Little Hawk off his meds too???

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 10:12 PM

They must have been easy to install if they are light. Are they lighter than air?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 10:20 PM

Poppycock, Amos! Horsefeathers! Codswallop!

They are called floodlights because they continue to work even underwater. Anyone who doesn't know that is just...well...not in the loop. 3 ounces short of a quart. Up the hoist with no winch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 11:02 PM

And what about all of the "pot lights" that Candace puts up in her Divine Design episodes? Are they buried under pot, or illuminating pot? Is Canada a huge source of grow lights?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 11:06 PM

Well, sort of, yeah...you wouldn't believe the number of grow-ops that are flourishing in this country in every city, town, and rural area. People who can't hold down a regular job have got to do something with their time. They have to have some purpose to motivate their lives. Just ask Shane about that, eh? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 09:20 AM

You can't ask "Shane." He's either chickenshit mad or he's on vacation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 10:26 AM

I think he is doing both at once.

Little Hawk, thou knowest not whereof thou doth speak, and a re a saucy varlet to boot.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 10:58 AM

and art a saucy varlet to boot.
    ^^^


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 11:14 AM

Oh, well spied, good Bruce.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 01:37 PM

Hey, MOM! The dentist just gave my 15-year-old son a video game console (the big kind they have in bars). I told him it was okay. I may be nuts, but to see the sheer joy on this kid's face--it's difficult to achieve that in a teenager! They moved it to the back of the office because they were going to trade it in for another, but my son loves this game (even asked if I'd wait longer in the waiting area so he could play it a while. This is how the dentist keeps kids distracted and/or happy to come to the office). He said we've been going there so long he'll give it to him. (Trade in would have been about $50). Thing must weigh 100 pounds or more. We'll pick it up later this afternoon. I know where it can go in his bedroom, and I bet if I push hard enough, he'll even work on cleaning it up. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 01:40 PM

gee - the only thing my dentist ever gave me was a toothbrush!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 01:46 PM

Amos, wot this: I do know whereof I speak, verily and forsooth. My own town is infested with many varlets, layabouts, rogues, and cutpurses of the lowest kind, many of whom while away their idle and misbegotten hours in the cultivation of marijuana, whence they derive the ill-gotten gains which enable them to devour pizza and engage in riotous frolics after curfew, causing much distress to the law-abiding citizenry, but providing the constabulary with gainful employment. This is due to the fact that our monarch has seen fit to declare a plant illegal(!)...an extremely foolish thing to do...but monarchs have a way of imagining that they can control even Nature herself, and they must do these sorts of absurd things in order to feel omnipotent upon the Earth.

So it goes in the provinces...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM

There is no arguing you wot well the way of the rogue, of the layabout, of the ne'er-do-well, and of the cutpurse, good Hawk. What I meant was in regard to my industrious accomplishment with respect to track-mounted floodlights, which to one in a hazy frame of mind might have seemed identical to underground gro-lights, but are not.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 03:31 PM

Yeah, sure. NOW da trut comes out. Ol' Amos got hisself a little backyard full of happy smoke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 03:51 PM

Rapaire, the more I listen to you, the more I am convinced you are a secret Republican. I point a finger at pot-growers, and you say that means I must be one. Well, I'm rubber and you're glue, pal. So there. And also neener neener.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 06:33 PM

...I'm rubber and you're glue...

Rubber cement? We honestly have no idea about the meaning of that. As for being a secret Republican, you are mistaken. We are an Absolute Monarchist, as long as We are on top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 07:40 PM

Right. Over here, we call people like that Republicans. Unfortunately the notion of Republic has sort of slipped out of their conceptual framework. Also, apparently another similarity, they tend toward the delusory, and especially the grandiosity variant.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 07 - 10:26 PM

We have decided not to use the Imperial First Person anymore, as it puts Us out of touch with the common folk. The Imperial First Person -- singular, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 09:20 AM

Good morning, mother dear! How are you this day? Did you remember that the last Harry Potter book comes out tomorrow? Yes, it's called "Harry Potter and the Teenage Angst." We got our delivery at the Library yesterday and I can give you some hints. For example, Harry hits on Hermione and is refused, he hits on Ginny and is refused, he hits on Cho Chang and is refused, but he eventually finds that 'Neville is willing' and he refuses. There's the whole thing about Professor McGonigle's baby and how Snape denies being the father, and of course that great line from Darth Vader Lord Voldemort when he says, "Luke Harry, I am your father!" and Harry falls and is rescued by Ron and Hermione and Hagrid, who are riding Ron's quidditch broom, only Moldy Voldy has cut off Harry's hand and...well Mom, you'll just have to read the book yourself.

And the Ewoks, Mom. And Jar-Jar Binks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 10:37 AM

Great Synopsis!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 11:30 AM

At eighteen three and ninety nine
This post stands at the door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 11:30 AM

While this one throws it open wide!
We're eighteen-thousand, four!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 12:02 PM

Moldy Voldy, he's the one!
And now we're eighteen thousand one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 12:15 PM

Weasley's treats may turn you blue
we're one eight four, naught and TWO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 12:23 PM

Young Hermione's the girl for me!
I'll give her eighteen four and three!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 07 - 12:25 PM

Kick Delores out the door
ON to Eighteen four oh four!


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