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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 31 Mar 04 - 10:27 AM
GUEST 31 Mar 04 - 10:34 AM
Acme 31 Mar 04 - 03:30 PM
Amos 31 Mar 04 - 06:18 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 04 - 06:23 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 04 - 06:28 PM
Amos 31 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM
Acme 31 Mar 04 - 11:16 PM
Amos 01 Apr 04 - 01:20 AM
Rustic Rebel 01 Apr 04 - 02:26 AM
Amos 01 Apr 04 - 08:10 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Apr 04 - 09:09 AM
GUEST 01 Apr 04 - 09:17 AM
GUEST,MMario 01 Apr 04 - 10:25 AM
Acme 01 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM
Acme 01 Apr 04 - 11:08 AM
GUEST 01 Apr 04 - 11:35 AM
Amos 01 Apr 04 - 12:26 PM
Acme 01 Apr 04 - 03:42 PM
GUEST,G-Aunt Tillie 01 Apr 04 - 03:58 PM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 04 - 04:52 PM
Acme 02 Apr 04 - 12:11 AM
Amos 02 Apr 04 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 04 - 06:29 PM
Amos 02 Apr 04 - 07:05 PM
Rustic Rebel 02 Apr 04 - 11:40 PM
Rustic Rebel 02 Apr 04 - 11:42 PM
Amos 03 Apr 04 - 10:01 AM
Little Hawk 03 Apr 04 - 05:08 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 04 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 04 Apr 04 - 06:03 PM
GUEST 05 Apr 04 - 10:08 AM
Little Hawk 05 Apr 04 - 10:51 AM
Rapparee 05 Apr 04 - 11:40 AM
Amos 05 Apr 04 - 03:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Apr 04 - 08:47 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 04 - 08:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Apr 04 - 09:37 PM
Amos 05 Apr 04 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 04 - 12:56 PM
Amos 06 Apr 04 - 01:00 PM
Amos 06 Apr 04 - 01:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 04 - 08:04 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 04 - 08:37 PM
Amos 06 Apr 04 - 08:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 04 - 10:46 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 04 - 10:46 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 04 - 10:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 04 - 10:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Apr 04 - 10:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 10:27 AM

Oh my gosh! It apeaprs taht an isndiuois vrius has etnered the MOBAS! Waht sahll we do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 10:34 AM

Mothers have better immune systems then fathers - also more endurance. and longer life expectancy.

did you know the one of the few hereditary links to Alzhiemers is that statistically the older the FATHER at conception the more likely a person is to have alzheimers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 03:30 PM

Just wanted to join in and send a secret message also!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:18 PM

You Guys Are Much Too Good for This place!!

Love,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:23 PM

But, but...nothing's too good for Mother!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:28 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM

Little Hawk, that's cheating!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 11:16 PM

I wish more would follow Little Hawk's lead on other threads, though. There's too much out there lately to try to read through to get to the end of so many of them. One risks a faux-pas by going straight to the end and posting. At least here, I don't feel any such obligation. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 01:20 AM

Oh, no -- our threadity here is bounded by, at a maximum, 6 or 8 posts. The fact that some bizarre inner melding has kept us loyal to a single thread is purely coinkidents.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 02:26 AM

Helium. That's what I said.
Helium, makes my hair turn red.
What ever it is, going on around here,
makes me want to stand up and ....
say helium. Oh please get me out of here before I am tracked down, spinned around, associated and contemplated, as a member of who,
else could it be besides you,..
and me, I confess I can't see, when I'm heliumnated.
That's what I say... Heliumnated, no other way...
Heliumnated.

Hi all you people of the bullshit hour. What's happening? I see we have a father image now and that's quite comforting to those of us that need a father image in our lives.
I only have one problem with that thread though....
Non of the fuckers know how to spell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 08:10 AM

Jeu des pommes ou jeu des roses
Dans leurs coeurs ils sont tous sauvages
Dans les plus hautes branches
Les rossignol rient, mais en peur pour leurs ages.

Welcome back, RR! Heliumination can be resolved thoguh the practice of ordinary breathing and continuing to notice locations where one is being.

A simple but certain rememdy as long as you first discontinue the exposure to heliumination.

Like many Fathers in this weary world, the Father thread is a weak substitute indeed and should not be counted on.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:09 AM

By the way, as discussed before, the proper pronunciation of the acronym for this thread "MOAB" is "moe-ab". The proper prounciation of the upstart thread's acronym "FOAB", is "fobe" and its regular contributors should be reffered to as "FOABics".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:17 AM

MOM's on top! MOM's on top!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 10:25 AM

to answer a question put on the foab thread - (pitiful imatator that it is)

should you be your own grandfather your are a multi-generational autofoab-ic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM

It's such a beautiful spring day today, and Rustic Rebel's post reminds me of a poem I enjoy, so I shall post it. Feel free to skip it if you have something else you'd rather be doing:

Father William

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door -
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth; "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to this stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!

------------From "Alice and Wonderland"
   
And no contribution at Mudcat would be complete without a parody (even though the Lewis Carroll poem is actually a parody in itself):

Parody: Father William

"You are old, Robert Dole," said a charming young lad,
"And by rights you should fade from attention;
"Yet I see you on TV most nights of the week--
"How do you stay so famous? pray mention!"

"In my youth," said the Senator, cracking a grin,
"I thought deep on political virtues;
"But that's dull. Those tax-policy meetings wore thin--
"It's more fun to just make commercials."

"You're old," said the boy," and it seems quite a reach
"To imagine you waxing gymnastic;
"Yet you turned a back somersault there on the beach--
"What led you to motions so drastic?"

"In my youth," said Bob Dole, "I drank nothing but Coke,
"Which rendered my limbs quite inert;
"But now I drink Pepsi, I prance and I joke,
"Play hopscotch, blow bubbles, and flirt."

"You are old, Father Bob, one would scarcely suppose
"That your dong was as potent as ever;
"Yet you have fine erections, as everyone knows--
"What made you so awfully clever?"

"In my youth," said old Robert, "I ran with the girls,
"And exhausted my membrum virile;
"But now, with the help of these versatile pills,
"There's nothing as firm as my willie."

"You are old, Father Robert," the young man said,
"Like Carter, or Ford, or Bush Senior.
"Unlike them, you shill for considerable bread--
"Do you think, sir, that you are a wiener?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said Bob Dole, "you're a regular baiter.
"I've endorsements to do. I've no time for such stuff.
"You want purity? Interview Nader."

------------From someone in the UTA English Department


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 11:08 AM

BTW--the originator of the second poem used an excessive number of quote marks. It's incorrect, but in the name of copying their poem exactly, I left them in place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 11:35 AM

Now the foab-ics have had the nerve to introduce ilk into their conversation. the nerve!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 12:26 PM

I have always been a little bit phobiaphobic -- bellieving not only that we have nothing to fear but fear itself, following the thinking of Franklin Roosevelt, but furthermore, believing with the estimable Doctor Jekyle of London that we have nothing to hide but hyde itselfe.

And by the way I have just heard that Father has filed for divorce.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 03:42 PM

MOAB likes being on top. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,G-Aunt Tillie
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 03:58 PM

I have just heard that Father has filed for divorce

My prayers have been answered. Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish I say! Should have gotton rid of him long ago - the only good thing he has ever done he never acknowledge, poor little bastard child with a father that tries to pretend he doesn't exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 04:52 PM

What can be more pitiable than someone who refers to someone else as a "pitiful imatator(sic)"?

We don't "imatate" nor do we mutate. No siree. We boldly go where no one has gone before!!! (hint, hint)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 12:11 AM

Oh, geez, he's b-aaa-c-k. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 02:31 PM

Come all ye loyal MOAB sons
And all MOAB daughters, too
And never let the scorn of others
Have a bad effect on you.

You may ride your chair buck naked
By the monitor's green glow
And never wear a stitch while here,
And no-one else need know!

So fear no bad opinion
Nor fussywussy wives
But follow MOABS freeing light
And live your own free lives.

The gossips and the bitches
Let them whisper where they will
And ride your keyboard starkers,
For the MOAB standeth still!

And for your freedom standeth tall
And evermore will do!
The MOAB's torch will never fall,
Held high by folks like you.


(Songs of Proud MOAB, 1899, Charles Whistlestop Playgummer, Rochester, NY)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 06:29 PM

Well, I would ride my chair buck naked by the monitor's green glow, only I use a color monitor and it keeps changing colors. Would that be okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 07:05 PM

I am sure the poem can and should be extended to include EGA, VGA, RBG, and WTFO monitors as well as flat screen and (when they arrive) 3D hologramic monitors. Bear in mind that Playgummer was writing at the turn of the last century and even brilliant and visionary poets can't be expected to get all the details right.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 11:40 PM

You know I'm always in on a ride like that one. I like the idea of a glowing green monitor on glistening nakedness.

Stilly I'm glad my post made you feel poetic on such a fine spring day!

Now what did I do with my North Decoder ring? Oh, and Dr. Raspberry, do you come with cream?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 11:42 PM

Pardon my mistake please, I mean Reverend Raspberry. Reverend, Doctor what-ever. Your both into saving things right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 10:01 AM

I have heard from Herr Doctor Liebenscheiss recently, and he wants me to inform the MOAB in the following wise:

"Ach, dot Wustic Webel, ya, she's mein kinder fraulein, ya. She's gott der right idea!! She's gott ALL der right idears!! Efferyone else ish neurotic!!"

So I told him I would do so.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 05:08 PM

I have frankly been feeling quite lost without daily input from Herr Doctor Liebenscheiss, so I am grateful for that brief quote.

Now, quick...who can name the tackiest episode on the original Star Trek TV series?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 04:03 PM

I'll save you, Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 06:03 PM

Um...nope...that wasn't it. You do not win a holiday weekend at William Shatner's old Kentucky home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 10:08 AM

Kentucky is part of Canada? When did this happen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 10:51 AM

No such luck. The Shatman spends most of his time in the USA, and I believe he has a nice country place in Kentucky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 11:40 AM

Figures....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 03:18 PM

Well, I know artists in Montreal who are fond of doing Still Lifes. But Kentucky is a Still State! I don't think we can do without it downhere, guys. Please return in original condition!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 08:47 PM

Our Mother's birthday is coming up in a month and a day. Shouldn't we start doing something about invitations? Putting together a guest list? Catering? Booze for God's sake!

Secret message follows:

Clinton Hammond can only come if Little Hawk will guarantee his good behavior.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 08:50 PM

Does anyone know if Khandu is still alive? We should probably invite him, even if he doesn't stay sober.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 09:37 PM

Oh, shit! We got sidetracked and never came up with the ransom money! Poor khandu's probably rotting away in some hovel in Toledo.

Oh well, that's the way it goes. Anybody wanna be King of Mississippi? I hear the pays not real great, but ya get t' eat lotsa catfish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 10:01 PM

I hate it when ransom money falls between the chairs....especially for the King.

By the way, Martin Gibson has agreed to keep an eye on Clinton Hammond



Use yer Dakota!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 12:56 PM

Well, I like catfish if it's fixed right and I grew up on the banks of the Mississippi and I've even visited the state of Mississippi and I've sailed in the Gulf of Mississippi, but I don't live there and I wouldn't want to be an absentee landlord because that can cause a revolution or at least get you shot at.

Can I be king of the Portneuf River instead? Or maybe the Bloody Baron thereof?

Besides, Khandu might come back and then where would the ersatz king be?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 01:00 PM

What is really amazing is that this is MOAB's only first burfday. Imagine that!! Do the math!! Life is a wastin'!!!

:>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 01:02 PM

As an HISTORICAL REMINDER when May hoves around, here is the Post That Started It All:

Subject: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:31 PM

Another brainstorm of mine, inspired by Tweed, Spaw, Carol the Sailor and their ilk.

We can save time which we spend searching through all the BS threads very easily. Henceforth, post all BS here in this thread. Soon there will be only one BS thread. We won't have to look for particular threads as this will be the only one and it will contain all the BS we have to offer.

My Gawd!! Why has this not been thought of earlier? It is so obvious!

I swear, sometimes I even amaze myself!...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 08:04 PM

Hah! All those upstart "_________ of all BS threads" threads have fallen off the page! Only The Mother remains!



There is only one Mother! Her name is MOAB!

She is the Queen. She shall endure! She shall prevail!

Thou shalt have no truck with upstarts and pretenders.

Thou shalt also have no car, motorcycle, SUV or Bradley Fighting Vehicle with upstarts and pretenders.

It is okay to have a bicycle with them as long as you wear a helmet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 08:37 PM

According to the National Center for Health Statistics of the CDC in a report released on (ahem!) my birthday this year, the average life expectancy in the US is 77.4 years (men and women, black and white, everyone tossed in the pot together).

Thus, if Mother is averaging 200 posts per month (and we're past that already) there will be 185,760 posts during her lifetime. I'm certain that with a little effort we could run that up to 250,000 or more -- after all, she's just about now starting to take her first faltering steps!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 08:50 PM

Better than one of those Packards!! Still going strong!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 10:46 PM

I'm only doing this...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 10:46 PM

to keep that rat-bastard Shatner...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 10:47 PM

from making the...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 10:48 PM

2500th post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 10:49 PM

2500!!! Yippeeee!!!


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