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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 19 Sep 08 - 05:23 PM
Amos 19 Sep 08 - 05:40 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 08 - 05:43 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 08 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 08 - 03:03 PM
Acme 20 Sep 08 - 04:54 PM
Amos 20 Sep 08 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 08 - 09:50 PM
Little Hawk 20 Sep 08 - 09:58 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 12:05 PM
Acme 21 Sep 08 - 04:14 PM
Little Hawk 21 Sep 08 - 05:00 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 05:21 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 08 - 05:56 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 08 - 07:21 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 08 - 07:30 PM
Little Hawk 21 Sep 08 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 08 - 08:30 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 08 - 09:00 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 10:42 PM
Acme 21 Sep 08 - 11:43 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 07:30 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 09:14 AM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 09:28 AM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 12:17 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 12:19 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 02:41 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 03:11 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 07:10 PM
MMario 22 Sep 08 - 07:20 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 09:47 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 08 - 10:02 PM
Amos 22 Sep 08 - 10:19 PM
Acme 23 Sep 08 - 12:07 AM
Acme 23 Sep 08 - 12:07 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 08 - 08:39 AM
Amos 23 Sep 08 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 08 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 08 - 08:32 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:23 PM

Hell, what do they know? A couple of danged substance abusers, those two!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:40 PM

We are al substance abusers. Some of us abuse space, some time, while others cannot give up on molecular forms or solids.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:43 PM

If yu kepe skeruing op yer spelling al the time, Amos, wee are going to hav to send you back too primery skool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:55 PM

I abuse space, time, energy, and matter all at once.

Y'oughta try it sometime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 03:03 PM

Fourth from the bottom! Hanging on to a rescue rope by her false teeth, and them slipping out!

For shame! Again it is apparent to Mom that only I really care about her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 04:54 PM

Aw, I had the rescue rope in the back yard, with a chunk of brick tied to it and tossed up over a big tree limb we were cutting down. The brick got stuck in the tree until the branch came down and then it fell out. MOM woulda been okay for another few minutes.

Before we finished sawing that limb we had a brick, a rope, a saw, the clothesline stand, and a ladder all in some way or other "in" that tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 06:23 PM

Oh Rapaire, thank you so much for your heroic action in rescuing our Mom. Although it is nothing that we all haven't done from time to time, I know it is really important to make you feel special about it. So let me just add you are a broke-dick mammalucca like no other.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 09:50 PM

Thank you, Amos. Seldom have you said something that made me cry tears of pure joy, as you have now. It feels so darned good to be appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 09:58 PM

That's nothing to how appreciated you are going to feel on election night when you and Chongo become the new president and vice president of the USA.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 12:05 PM

I'm back from the sea, again, Mom.

The air is a little cooler, and the swells a litle higher today. This makes entry and exit from the sea a more challenging tactical task. If you time it wrong on the way out, your nose gets battered by a mass of green and white water which then falls all over you. This leaves you wet and irritated.

If you time it wrong coming in, you can get picked up on the back of a swell, and loose all your steering traction, with the result that the natural tendency of the hull form to be pushed around results in you broaching and rolling. This ends up with you standing in the waist-deep shallows cursing and recovering your damn boat.

But neither of these happened today, Mom; I cut the surf going out at just the right angle and just the right moment to minimize the collisions, and was outside the surfline before I had to negotiate any high swells. It can be as little as a few yards between getting soaked and just riding a swell gracefully.

I've learned the trick coming in. You don't catch a wave. You time the swells moving in from behind you, and the 10-second large ones are the ones to notice. They lift you up a little higher than the rest, and the trick is to be going just slowly enough that they speed you without capturing you. Let the crash and die on the sands ahead of you, and as they do so, paddle like mad in behind them, letting their backwash lift you as you driver up the sand. That way you are safe ashore, having stepped lively out of the boat, before the next larger swell crashes in behind you.

Just in case you decide to go kayaking without me, Mom.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 04:14 PM

MOM gets kind of worried when you go out on the water by yourself, Amos. She asked me to ask you if Davy Jones had a kayak in his locker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 05:00 PM

Yes, these kayaking stories of yours are causing me some anxiety, Amos. How will we all feel if you get eaten by a shark or run down by an oil tanker or something?

I think it is time you took up a safer pastime, such as hiking or skydiving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 05:21 PM

How will you all feel? I don't know--however you choose, just as you do now.

You could feel celebratory because, hooray, Amos has met the most dramatic end!

Or you could feel hilarity because what would be funnier than a kayak being stepped on by an oil tanker?

Or you could feel bereaved because there's never been another like old AMos and he was too young, and its all just awful. Even though none of those things are particularly true.

Or you could just feel ticked off because your favorite cartoon show has been cancelled!

Ya pays yer money and you takes your choice.

If I were to be eaten by a shark, I would be most annoyed, as it would interrupt some plans I could not get back to for another 18 years.

And being hit by an oil tanker would be just too ludicrous (especially close inshore, relatively, where I go).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 05:56 PM

Oil tanker, aircraft carrier...vessels under power must give right-of-way to those not under power. If Amos is run over by, say, the USS Ronald Reagan, it would be because the captain of the power vessel violated the rules of road. Sure, Amos would be aground -- the screws would see to that -- but the Captain would probably receive a letter of reprimand or something. So if there's a supertanker and Amos on a collision course the supertanker would give way to Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 06:12 PM

I'll say. What was once an afloat Amos would become aground Chuck.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 07:21 PM

If you're a float, would you like to be our entry in this year's ISU Homecoming Parade?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 07:29 PM

I don't qualify. I am not a resident of ISU, and I am not 35, and I am not a beauty queen. I have no experience in home-coming parades, even though I can see my home from my house. Look for someone more qualified, I suggest.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 07:30 PM

Just tryin' to save the Library some money....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 07:31 PM

So...what you're saying here is that I can't emotionally blackmail you into giving up the kayaking, Amos? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 08:30 PM

I guess that's it, LH. You'll have to use the photo of Amos and the seal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM

You got it all wrong, Rapaire. We was just sharing a little ice cream.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 09:00 PM

Seal test, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 10:42 PM

Yep. The mechanic uses it to detect blown seals on vehicles he's working on.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 11:43 PM

Just don't let MOM hear about "blown seals." She'll get the wrong idea. She usually does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 07:30 AM

I tell ya, it was just a little ice cream...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:14 AM

Chocolate? Rocky Road? Mint?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:18 AM

Vanilla. Of course.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:28 AM

Good ol' Amos. A plain vanilla, white bread kinda guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:52 AM

I allus say, if it can't be done with plain vanilla, mebbe ya shouldn't be doing it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 12:17 PM

Yessir, his favorite sandwich is Velveeta "cheese" on white bread with a big ol' glass of vitamin-D fortified white milk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 12:19 PM

Rapaire:

Scurrilous slander, varlet!!

1. My favorite sandwich is peanut-butter (chunky, organic) on multi-grain

2. I never eat Velveeta OR Crisco OR white brad.

This is so like a Republican to go projecting his perversions on everyone else...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 02:41 PM

Good ol' vanilla ice cream, Velveeta on Wonder Bread, banjo-pickin' Amos....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 03:02 PM

Even more evidence of his status as an underground right-winger--when corrected in a false statement he simply repeats it louder.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 03:11 PM

Good ol' vanilla ice cream, Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup suckin', Velveeta on Wonder Bread, banjo-pickin' Amos....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 03:19 PM

WHy not really give it your best shot, Rapaire? Surely you can do better than this ofay drivel.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 07:10 PM

I don't want to hurt your feelings and have you go running to Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 07:20 PM

Do you pick the banjo, Amos? If so, he's well about statistical norm with 2 out of three; and even with one out of three (you've admitted to vanilla ice cream) he's hitting a lot higher then some politicians.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 08:51 PM

He's wrong about chicken soup. He's wrong about Wonder Bead. He's wrong about Velveeta. My instrument of preference, as you well know, is the D-35 Dreadnought. With statistics like this, no WONDER he got kicked upstairs from Pocatello Dogcatcher.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:47 PM

We don't have dogcatchers in Pocatello. We have Animal Control Officers. They are highly trained, highly educated, dogcatchers, ratcatchers, catcatchers, pythoncatchers, cougarcatchers, skunkcatchers, crabcatchers, and hellcatchers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:52 PM

I think you just made my point...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 09:59 PM

Not to mention that they remove the occasional dead cow from the river.

Betcha THAT ain't happened in your fancy-pants San Diego recently!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 10:00 PM

Or ritzy Orilla, for that matter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 10:02 PM

Or Orillia. However it's spelled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 08 - 10:19 PM

I am informed by way of my solicitor relaying a coxmmunication from his solicitor that Mister Writt Zeo Reillia, born in Dublin of wayfaring ne'er-do-wells in 1953, does stoutly protest that his fancy pants have never been anywhere near a dead cow, and requests you apologize for your insufferable insouciance or your ineffable ebullience, whichever comes first.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 08 - 12:07 AM

So near


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 08 - 12:07 AM

and now even nearer

25400


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 08 - 08:39 AM

Stilly touched it! Mom! Stilly touched it!

Amos, you may inform your solicitor to inform Writt Zeo Reillia's solicitor that I have unimpeachable witnesses, photographs, DNA evidence, and video footage. It is secured in a secure location and will be released to the media should anything untoward happen to me -- along with similar evidence involving you and a seal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 08 - 10:35 AM

Hey, Mom!! I was just on the phone talking to Rep. Mario Diaz Bellart from the Budget Committee up at Congress!!

No, it wasn't personal. It was a component of an NPR show called Capitol News Connection. They taped it for airing after October 3 (maybe during the Getaway, who knows?).

I asked him, in essence, how he knew we weren't being stampeded with respect to the Paulson proposal, and what hard data he used to differentiater between individual business risk and national economic crisis. THrown a curveball, so to speak.

He was very nice. He said "we trust experts".

Hmmmmmmmm.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 08 - 01:50 PM

Expert (ecks-spurt), n: An ordinary guy more than a hundred miles from home. (From ex-, former, and spurt, a drip under pressure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 08 - 08:32 AM

Mom, yesterday's tea went very well. The rap group were pretty good, considering who they were; the Ka-ching Sister sang well; and overall everything was very good.

And last night we set the alarm system for real and I wasn't called in at 12:30 a.m. like the last time! I got to sleep all night!

Now I'm off to the United Way breakfast.


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