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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 18 Mar 09 - 04:44 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 18 Mar 09 - 05:05 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 09 - 05:13 PM
Janie 18 Mar 09 - 07:14 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 09 - 10:32 PM
Janie 18 Mar 09 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 09 - 11:10 PM
Janie 18 Mar 09 - 11:25 PM
Amos 18 Mar 09 - 11:39 PM
Janie 18 Mar 09 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 09 - 08:26 AM
Amos 19 Mar 09 - 10:16 AM
Janie 19 Mar 09 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 09 - 01:16 PM
Janie 19 Mar 09 - 02:18 PM
Amos 19 Mar 09 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 09 - 02:31 PM
Amos 19 Mar 09 - 02:36 PM
Acme 19 Mar 09 - 02:38 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 09 - 05:26 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 09 - 06:07 PM
Amos 19 Mar 09 - 07:09 PM
Janie 19 Mar 09 - 08:02 PM
Amos 19 Mar 09 - 08:13 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 09 - 08:53 PM
Amos 20 Mar 09 - 11:00 AM
Acme 20 Mar 09 - 11:32 AM
MMario 20 Mar 09 - 11:49 AM
Amos 20 Mar 09 - 12:12 PM
Little Hawk 20 Mar 09 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 09 - 04:08 PM
Amos 20 Mar 09 - 04:58 PM
Amos 20 Mar 09 - 05:43 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 09 - 05:58 PM
Amos 20 Mar 09 - 06:55 PM
Acme 20 Mar 09 - 07:26 PM
Janie 20 Mar 09 - 07:35 PM
GUEST,the freds 20 Mar 09 - 08:16 PM
Janie 20 Mar 09 - 08:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 09 - 10:07 PM
Janie 20 Mar 09 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 09 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 09 - 11:00 PM
Amos 20 Mar 09 - 11:28 PM
Acme 20 Mar 09 - 11:57 PM
Janie 21 Mar 09 - 12:15 AM
Amos 21 Mar 09 - 01:27 AM
MMario 21 Mar 09 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 21 Mar 09 - 10:09 AM
Amos 21 Mar 09 - 04:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 04:44 PM

AT twenty-eight and two and four
It's very plain to see
That in another ninety-six
Comes twenty-eight and three.
And who'd have thunk the very thought,
Back in King Khandu's Day,
That those who spoke in Pure BS
Would have so MUCH to say?


WIlliston Maverick Junior III
Confusions on the Generation Gap
Pioneer Exposition Press, Salt Lake City, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:05 PM

Our Mom did not shave but she should of. You woulda had to see it to beleeve it. I flippin' kid you not. She coulda got a job at the flippin' circus, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:13 PM

Hey, Shame! They let you use computers in Irish gaols, huh?

Our family, Amos, was not so crass as to discuss the habits of our toilette even amongst ourselves. Except for Uncle Herman, who discussed every tiny little detail with anyone who would listen or appear to listen. I remember on time he talked for four hours about the pimples on his backside with a statue of General Grant (Unk Herman didn't see too good, either).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 07:14 PM

Rapaire,

Have pity on those poor library patrons and keep a goodly supply of this on hand for them.

We now know the rumors are true, Pete Rose turned to baseball and gambling to console himself when his career as a pop singer never took off.

Pray tell, Sir Rapaire, since when did not being boorish become a concern of yours? The land of Erin must have had a civilizing effect!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 10:32 PM

Madam, I have never knowingly been a boor. A poltroon; a coward; a dry-gulchin', lyin', back-shootin', bottom-dealin', hell-bound, good-for-nothin', low-livin' bottom feeder who would sell his little sister into whoredom -- well, perhaps. But never knowingly a boor.

If you persist in calling me such things I must remind you that I am an equal-opportunity duelist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 10:52 PM

Fine!


As long as we are in agreement that Girls Rules prevail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:10 PM

Correct. You get an unloaded pistol and I get a sword.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:25 PM

No, no, no....

Girls rules means that I can change the rules anytime I am at a disadvantage in such a way as I then have the advantage. Any red-blooded American male who grew up in the 50's and early 60's knows that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:39 PM

YEah, but you have to listen to her say whatever she feels like until she's done and THEN apologize.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 11:43 PM

Good job, MOM. You raised Amos up just right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 08:26 AM

Okay...if you can prove you're a girl and not a woman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 10:16 AM

Well, there goes any claim he has to chivalric instincts; any gentleman knows that although all girls are not women, yet all women are still girls.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 12:30 PM

That's OK, Amos. I know how to fix him. I'm gonna tell MOM on him. Then she'll take away his swords and his pistols, and his spud cannon and the metal screw out of his right knee, and his WI-FI, and his head librarian parking space. Then she'll hand him a feather duster and make him dust every single book in the library, gently removing each one from the shelf and then placing it back carefully. When he's done with out, he can have supper, but it will peas and spinach and he has to eat all of them.

Then, if he tells me he's sorry for picking on me in front of MOM and all the rest of youse, and Mom thinks he sounds and looks believable, he can come back into the house after a month.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 01:16 PM

I'm sorry for picking on Janie in front of Mom and everyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:18 PM

See? I told you I was girl!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:23 PM

Gurlz rool, dudette!! :D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:31 PM

And I won't pick on her in front of Mom and everyone anymore. Nope, I won't pick on her in front of anyone. Not me, nossir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:36 PM

"I AM GUURRRRRRL!!! HEAR ME WHINE!!!!!!"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 02:38 PM

Amos, cellar!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 05:26 PM

I am GIRL, give me wine....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 06:07 PM

I am girl, give me wine,
Give me viands oh so fine,
Rubies bigger'n the eggs of rocs of old!
'Cause without you just ain't
You wouldn't even be quite faint
Your nonexistence bell would have been tolled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 07:09 PM

I YAM GURL!!!! HEar me ROAR!
In the silk lingerie store!
Hear me holler, stomp and wail!
At Victoria's Secret's Sale!!
Hear, oh hear me, carry on
About Nan at the Nail Salon!
Flinch and tremble, duck and quail,
If you see me break a nail!
I YAM GURL!! I shall throw FITS
Seeing one with larger t**ts!
Dare not question Gurly Law!!
Mention not Avoirdupois!!
I am She who Rules the World!!
Suck it up, boys--
I AM GURLLL!!!

Bellisima Preciosa
Translations from Croatian Love Songs
Anthracite, PA, 1913


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 08:02 PM

Oh crap!

Now look what I've started....




-MOMMMMMMY!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 08:13 PM

The thing about it is, to be honest, that although we Neanderthals may make jesting remarks about the intricacies of girls and their punctilious attention to the many delicate arts of appearance, the truth is we are awful glad they are so successful at it!! As the song said, "There ain't nothing in the world like a big-eyed girl...".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 09 - 08:53 PM

SHOW ME A PRETTY LITTLE NUMBER
(Tom Paxton)

All over this great big city
Can't find a woman who's nice and pretty
They all look like a page in a magazine
Legs are long and they eat like a sparrow
Figures stick to the straight and narrow
Top and bottom are the same as in between

Show me a pretty little number
When she walks, she rolls like thunder
Eyes as deep and dark as the deep blue sea
Round right here and round right there
Pretty red lips and her very own hair
Wrap her up, she's the natural girl for me

Went down in a coffeehouse palace
Met a little lady and her name was Alice
She had friends and her friends had her it seems
Face was dirty and her sweater was baggy
Pants were tight and her hair was shaggy
I've seen her like on college football teams

Way up in a penthouse pretty
Thirteen miles above the city
I met a lady from a wealthy family
She could cuss like a real longshoreman
She was making eyes at the doorman
She made a most unusual offer to me

Way up at a Broadway party
Met a little lady who was very arty
She took me home to see her studio
She took out her paints and she whispered to me
She said she wanted to do me
Some of that paint will never come off I know


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 11:00 AM

I think we should get Rapaire to expound on the question of the degree to which the body controls the soul, and vice-versa.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 11:32 AM

Jane, Mom said she's gonna slap those two upside the head next time they come near enough. She's not going to warn them by "whining" first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 11:49 AM

*quietly sneaks out of the house, hoping to go unnoticed*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 12:12 PM

**Slips out bedroom window on third floor and shinnies down nearby pine to go visit the woodshed for a while**

Man, wimminz is hard to unnerstan' sometimes. Yer supposed to write them nice poems, and when you do they get all mad!! I mean, whazzup with THAT?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 03:35 PM

You want the last word on girls? Ask Shane. He claims to be the master when it comes to that. The voice of experience. The one who knows all there is to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 04:08 PM

Have they put him on a plane back to Canada yet? If not I'll have to remember to tell the Gardai that he led the movement to brew Guinness in Labrador instead of Dublin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 04:58 PM

IF SHane is the last word on anything, it's only on account of him passing out when he noticed everyone he was talking at slipped away on various excuses.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 05:43 PM

Man, ya know, I wuz lissening to those Mudcat CDs today, after a long absence, and I was delighted with how nice they sound. They were a good thing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 05:58 PM

Do agin! Do agin!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 06:55 PM

Aw,man, you have no idea what yer askin'!!!

It would be a jolly thing, but I have a stack of things on my imaginary plate that need attention first if I can get out from this work-a-day schedule! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 07:26 PM

Whapppp!

Look at Rap, laid out on the porch. MOM didn't even stick around to see if he's still breathing. He shoulda crept off like the rest of the boys, not stuck around gabbing on the porch like nothing was going to happen.

MOM was pissed by that earlier nonsense, no doubt about it.

Looks like he's stirring a little.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 07:35 PM

(**nyah-nyah-nyah-nyahnyahnah - giggle**)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,the freds
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 08:16 PM

That had to hurt.

We don't eat bruised DNA, we'll pass by this specimen, as convenient as it is, because that kind of hematoma gives the meat a bad flavor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 08:31 PM

( Standing inside the front door, with the screen door safely latched, and ready to run upstairs to lock self in bathroom if need be)

....pssst....Rap....wake up. Wake up, hear me? I gotta tell you sumthin'. You owe me a great big thank you. I just saved your life. Iff'n I hadn't managed to git you in enough trouble fer MOM to knock you clear to Kingdom Come, you'd a done been et by one of them freds.

Just think. You owe me your life.











Boy, am I good, or what!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 10:07 PM

You saved my life! Therefore, you are responsible for me from here on.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 10:12 PM

We interrupt this program for a special disclaimer -

Just because I can't do HTML except for italics, doesn't mean I have milktoast passions.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

I am truly emphatic when I say -


NO I'M NOT!!!! I CALL "GIRLS RULES."





So Mote It Be!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 10:43 PM

Nope, if you save a life you are responsible for it. If you don't bad, bad, bad kharma will getcha because you have interfered in the eternal cycle of ying and yang.

Gonna go get drunk, beat up a coupla cops, and let Janie take the blame....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 11:00 PM

But before I go, Janie might get some information of use here, here, and here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 11:28 PM

Ahem...Ladies...don't open that screen door. BEing of soft tissue and delicate inclination, you lot are especially flavorfl from a freds point of view. Or, so I have been told. I'm a bit on the wiry side, in most places, so they take one look and veer off to the other side of the galaxy. Lemme see if I can scare them off.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 11:57 PM

Aw, Janie, isn't that cute? He's being chivalrous.

He doesn't know the Freds can do us no harm. We'd just spit in their eyes (compound eyes, like on a fly). Shoo them away. Scrape them off our shoes like a chunk of dog poop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 12:15 AM

Which reminds me of my first "date" with my ex. (Thinking about this because I just received notice that the divorce is final. Both sad and liberating.)

A walk in the woods, off the beaten trail, with many stops to poke a stick into assorted wild animal turds to determine 1. what animal; and 2. what were they eating at that time of year. "Doctor of Turdology", is what he called himself.

In truth, he is a gifted teacher who empowers people to step off the track and be in nature, afraid or not. To recognize we are no different from, and very much a part of, the natural world.




Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I run and give my chivalrous brother Amos a hug as I spit in the freds eye and stick my tongue out at Rapaire.





MMario?

MMario? Come on out now. Let's play. MOM is in the the bath with bubbles and a gin-and-tonic. She ain't in the mood to whap anybody else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 01:27 AM

Hey, the bath-with-Gin and Tonic idea sounds pretty good. All hands on deck...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 08:57 AM

I can't see you so you can't see me!

I'm not coming out. You just want me to come out so the freds can eat me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 10:09 AM

I'm going to go out in the yard and eat pull weeds.

So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 04:21 PM

Stet!

ANyway, you guys have gotten so intimidated between Freds and Bettys this place looks like five minutes after the Flintstones.

Mom is drifting in the blood-hungry clutches of insane entropy. You want insanity? There's insanity for you!! By definition!! Uniform distribution!! Reduction of order!!! Negative order!!! Why, it's downright socialist.


A


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