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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Janie 21 Jun 09 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM
Acme 21 Jun 09 - 11:07 AM
Little Hawk 21 Jun 09 - 11:13 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Jun 09 - 11:18 AM
Amos 21 Jun 09 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 12:25 PM
Amos 21 Jun 09 - 12:26 PM
Amos 21 Jun 09 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 12:34 PM
Amos 21 Jun 09 - 01:02 PM
Bobert 21 Jun 09 - 01:55 PM
Amos 21 Jun 09 - 03:25 PM
Acme 21 Jun 09 - 04:26 PM
Amos 21 Jun 09 - 04:57 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 05:19 PM
Acme 21 Jun 09 - 07:36 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 10:09 PM
Janie 21 Jun 09 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 09 - 11:28 PM
Janie 21 Jun 09 - 11:48 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 12:04 AM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 12:09 AM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 09:00 AM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 12:09 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 12:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 09 - 03:21 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM
Amos 22 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 09 - 05:45 PM
GUEST,South Carolina dude 22 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 08:49 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 09 - 10:12 PM
Janie 22 Jun 09 - 10:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 09 - 10:24 PM
Acme 22 Jun 09 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 08:55 AM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 09:52 AM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 11:44 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 09 - 11:47 AM
Amos 23 Jun 09 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 09 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Corridus 23 Jun 09 - 12:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM
GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll 23 Jun 09 - 12:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Janie
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 10:08 AM

He still didn't say whether I could drive or not.

Hi MOM,

Here in the secure busom of my family I just slept 12 hours.

Happy Father's Day to all ya'll Dad's!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM

Oh no you don't! You can't pin that on me! I have an alibi and witnesses and besides, I'm pretty sure she was over 18. Besides, I've had a lobotomy and I can't have kids. And I used three condoms. Besides, I wasn't in town, I was someplace else. And I don't own that kind of car or know anyone who does. And I am not now nor have I ever been. And I'm a lesbian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:07 AM

More tomatoes on the windowsill this morning, MOM, and beans enough for a meal now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:13 AM

Man, you are sounding more and more like Shane every day, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:18 AM

Is... it... better... to... sound... like... Shane... or... Shatner?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:23 AM

He just thinks he's a lesbian. He isn't, really. He likes to make out with girls, is all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM

I've got a Master's degree in Lesbian Science. At least I think that's what it's in. Something like that anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 12:25 PM

And in case you don't know it, Amos, there's a vas deferens between men and women.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 12:26 PM

Hey Mom!!

Yesterday I went to a real whingding of a whangdoodle in a big rolling estate lined with palms and avocados, where some friends were throwing a birthday party. The entertainment was one of the best rock and roll groups I've heard in years -- the Ringtones, led by James Zota Baker, one of the most virtuous rock guitarists of all time. I got into it with them and they put me on the mic for a couple of numbers--"Mojo's Workin'" and "I Feel Good!" -- which livened things up some. It ain't easy, Ma, being a 20 year old soul in a sixty year old body. I feel like effing Benjamin Button. But we truly rocked.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 12:29 PM

And, Rapaire, that joke was so funny the first time I made it up, I nearly fell off my brontosaurus.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 12:34 PM

What joke?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 01:02 PM

Ray Bradbury loves a good library.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 01:55 PM

How many more now, Amos???

Real math this time... No tricks, ya' hear???

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 03:25 PM

This is post 29,868, Bobert.

32 more will bring us to 29,900. And 100 more, to 30K.

Thirty K!!! Imagine!!!

You should be proud to be part of it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 04:26 PM

I love that Bradbury story.

My son has a fondness for his short stories, there is a stack of them in his bedroom. How can I scold him during the school year for not going to sleep early enough when he winds down by reading Bradbury?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 04:57 PM

Well, you can scold him in the usual manner--open mouth, knit brows, and flap tongue--but it is better to know he is on the right path.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 05:19 PM

Mom, I just planted four Stella d'oro dwarf day lilies out front to complement and contrast with the blue-purple penstemon and the allysium. I've cut the grass, front and back, twice this week. I've planted flowers, tomatoes, peppers, basil, and rosemary out back. I've planted the flower boxes on the porch railings. All this while dodging rain storms.

Mom, I'm going to take a nap now. Call me in time for dessert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 07:36 PM

You're just planting and I've been harvesting those same things for a while now. I needed a nap also, but didn't get a chance to take one today. I'll add it onto my sleep tonight, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 10:09 PM

Guess what, Mom?

It rained and lightning and thundered...again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:01 PM

My old Dad is talking about wanting dwarf day lilies, instead of his Stella d'oros which used to be dwarf but 10 years of Miracle Go' has got them right tall. I keep telling him to go organic but he is into better living through chemicals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:28 PM

Well, it's official. This the wettest June on record out here. The rain today did it.

Hurrah? The reservoirs are full and over full, there are flood warning, watches and advisories all over the place, and even some mountains are closed to hiking and camping because of flash flood danger.

Well, the drought is over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 11:48 PM

Same here in most of the East, Rap.   There has been enough rain to replenish the water tables and reservoirs However, there are more folks in these parts of the NC Piedmont than full water tables can reasonably supply, so water rates are always high, and there are water restrictions even with the drought over for now.    Two weeks without significant rain, and you will hear most of us praying for it again.

More flooding than ever in West Virginia as the result of mountain top removal and other unsustainable mining and timbering practices.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:04 AM

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Grandma's beatin' off the Indians, and they keep comin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:09 AM

I really, really, wanna drive the bookmobile, Rapaire.

Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Cain't be too hard, what with movin' so slow over those rollers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:00 AM

It's using the whip to make them gee and haw that's the tricky part. The roller layers, I mean. The pushers have their own drivers (it's one of them rear engine vehicles, like the old volkswages). Of course, using reverse gear can give a whole new meaning to "flat top".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM

I don't care how it makes you feel
Or if you think its all unreal
Jes let me drive your Bookmobile!

Oh, baby!! You're driving me crazy!!
Didja think my heart was made of steel?
C'mon, baby!! I can't stand still for "Maybe"
Let me drive, drive drive that Bookmobile!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:09 PM

Yeah: Hurst shifters, 409 engine, big-ass ol' blower, dual carbs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:29 PM

It was pretty near sundown when the report came in; the orange light of late afternoon was spilling down the Sangre de Cristos foothills, and some of the streetlights had started flickering on. It was Bauxman took the report, because it was his night on dispatch. He had just settled in, with his Starbucks carefully located to his right hand, and the headset carefully installed around his impeccable haircut. The radio call was from Flynn, a reliable veteran of some fifteen years, a man who had no envy or ambition in him, but the salt of the earth, and a good cop.

Fxxzzzzzht.....dffffszzzzzzhtt...Yeah, Flynn, here, howahya? Say, I'm over on Interstate 15 about ten miles east of Pont Neuf. I just got my doors blown off by a hot-rod Zxxxhhtt... bfff...dfff..zzzhhhhxxttt..

Bauxman : Yer breaking up, big boy. Did you say a hot-rod Lincoln???

zzcssggtt...bzzzxxx...Hell, no, it was no goddam Lincoln. It was a goddamn hot-rodded out Book mobile....

Bauxman : Jaysus, Flynn, did you say a goddamn Bookmobile??? Are you nuts????

Yeah, assright!! Damn thing musta been breaking a hunnert when it went by me. I started hot pursuit and it just ran over thehorizon, couldn't catch it.

Bauxman : I readja, Flynn. Didja catch a look at the driver? Over.

Bzzzxszzz...You ain't gonna believe this, man. I swear I am sober....but I did, yeah. It was being driven by some kinda giant worm...

Bauxman : ...Jaysus, it sounded like you said the guy was a giant worm!!!

Yeah, that's what I'm tellin' ya, gawdammit!! Big horn-rimmed spectacles, a scarf around his, um, neck, and stubby little hands, but I am telling you, man, he was a worm!!!

Bauxman :Flynn, you ()&**%'in' juice-head!! I am NOT putting out no APB for no worm. Some of the guys out there are fishing buddies of mine, fer cry-i!!!

Bzsghhhtt...fzzxxxxxx... uckyew too buddy. It wasn't that kind of worm, anyway...more like one of those bookworms you see in cartoons at thuh Liberry....

And so the legend of the Pocatello Bookworm, highwayman of the 21st century, began.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:21 PM

If the Pocatello library has a Bookmobile, does that mean the Mobile library has a Bookpocatello?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:23 PM

Well, their senior librarian was seen dancing on the table the other night in downtown Mobile, yelling "Idaho!! Idaho!". She must have gotten home okay, though, because she didn't get fired.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM

Musta been Kathy. I don't dance on tables and I've only been to Mobile once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM

I heard it was the Mobile librarian, not one of yours. She had a sort of Southern accent. As for whether you dance on tables or not, I suspect you've lost a weekend or two.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 05:45 PM

Well, I've been to Mobile dozens of times, but not since they started making the table dancing librarians keep their G-strings on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,South Carolina dude
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM

Were holding Gov Sanford incommunicato until MOM reaches 30,000

get busy


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 08:49 PM

Just checked out Sanford's Wikipedia bio.

He may be smart, but he sure is a corporate Republican.   Suggest we drag our feet. Keeping him incommunicato for as long as possible may be an excellent idea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:01 PM

One big void in my life is the lack of a good friend who owns a beach house or a cabin in the mountains.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:12 PM

Why, shucks, I got a place in the mountains (Rockies) iffen ya wanna come a-visitin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:13 PM

Alright then! See youse next Sunday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:24 PM

I have a cabin in the mountains!

Well, it's not really in the mountains... more like in the rolling hills... the really low rolling hills... the perfectly flat rolling hills...

Okay, it's in a friggin' swamp!

But it's only an hour's drive from the beach!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:51 PM

Supposed to hit 100 tomorrow, MOM. We'd better make sure your porch fan is running. And that the beer cooler has lots of ice in it.

Tomatoes are slowly beginning to look like they might ripen. The onions have been picked. I didn't grow anything like Brussels sprouts to throw at people this year, so if MOM has too many people panhandling for beer, we'll just have to leave a pile of pebbles on the side table so she can chase them off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 08:55 AM

Oh fer gosh sakes, jist give her the old 12 gauge and a few loads of #9 shot and sit her in her rockin' chair. You know she loves it when the recoil rocks the chair and skids it around the porch. She calls it "rock and roll".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 09:52 AM

Jane,

Don't let Rapaire sucker you--that is NOT his cabin. He rents it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:44 AM

Καλά, είναι επίσημο. Αυτό ο υγρότερος Ιούνιος στο αρχείο έξω εδώ. Η βροχή το έκανε σήμερα.

Hurrah; Οι δεξαμενές είναι πλήρεις και πέρα από το σύνολο, υπάρχει προειδοποίηση, ρολόγια και advisories πλημμυρών όλα πέρα από τη θέση, και ακόμη και μερικά βουνά είναι κλειστά στην πεζοπορία και τη στρατοπέδευση λόγω του κινδύνου ξαφνικών πλημμυρών.

Καλά, η ξηρασία τελειώνει.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:47 AM

Sghah neb ochnyezi sim sligrachyipot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 11:56 AM

COme, come, Little Hawk. You are not making sense, man!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:16 PM

Es puayco vu nan't memsichyeu mi langwe, Amos. Neb vnanni par vu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Corridus
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:21 PM

Ahem! I have a very important announcement to make. This thread has just crossed the line over 29,900. A milestone. We now begin the countdown to the magic moment when the MOABS reaches 30,000 posts! You will be able to tell your grandchildren that you were there when it happened. I'll be able to tell my great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren I was there when it happened. Hamsters breed quickly.

Watch carefully! There are only about 99 posts to go now. Expect cameo appearances by many luminaries who have not been seen for some time in these hallowed pages.

Whew! I feel my little heart beating faster at the thought of it!

- Corridus the Hamster


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM

MOM! They's talkin furrin! Make 'em stop!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM

Amos is quoting me, Amos is quoting me! I must be a hetja, a true reystmenni for that to happen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:30 PM

Cor Blimey! You lot still ravin' on 'ere? Bloody 'ell! I fought the lydies sewin' club in 'Ull were the worst lot of flappin' mouths I ever 'eard tell of, but they're nowt next to you lot. You people could bloody well talk the pynte off a fence, I bet. Most of wot you say is bollocks and rubbish too.

- Olive Whatnoll


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