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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 16 Dec 09 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 09:04 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM
Little Hawk 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM
Acme 16 Dec 09 - 10:46 AM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM
MMario 16 Dec 09 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Dec 09 - 02:58 PM
Little Hawk 16 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 09:30 PM
Acme 16 Dec 09 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 10:00 PM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 10:39 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 09:06 AM
MMario 17 Dec 09 - 09:20 AM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 11:19 AM
Acme 17 Dec 09 - 11:56 AM
MMario 17 Dec 09 - 12:10 PM
Acme 17 Dec 09 - 12:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Dec 09 - 01:45 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 02:14 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:26 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 03:44 PM
MMario 17 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 07:02 PM
Acme 17 Dec 09 - 07:14 PM
Janie 17 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM
Janie 17 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 09:14 AM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 10:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 10:29 AM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 10:32 AM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 11:33 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 12:05 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 12:15 PM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:19 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 12:34 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 08:53 AM

My last post here vanished. That keeps happening. I think it's a plot. Someone will pay.

This is my new approach. Short little sentences. Straight to the point. How do you like it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:04 AM

I've got a straight, small sword. Swift and to the point. But you wouldn't like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM

I use cracker crumbs fer cookin' lard. But bear in mind that I usually cook my lard in cakes, not sticks. Lard cakes is fer makin' a meal of, lard sticks is finger food fer parties an' weddin' receptions. They kin do with a bit less breadin'.

Mmm, mmm, mmm! I'm jus' imaginin' a big ol' plate of lard sticks, Viennee sausages, an' Slim Jims, all washed down with a Black Label beer! Oh boy! That's good eatin'!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM

Resorting to threats, are you? The tactics of the weak! Ha! I laugh at your tiny sword. I have a Dachshund.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM

Easily distracted with a dead squirrel or any other sort of food! I know dachshunds, so I spit on your great-aunt! Ptooey!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 10:46 AM

I'll see your dachshund and raise you an American Staffordshire Terrier. She smiles. Like this. I caught half a smile when we were getting ready to play fetch with tomatoes that were in the compost. She smiles full-wattage now. Teeth barred, snorting, and body and tail wagging as hard as they can. It's a wonderful (gruesome, if you don't know what you're looking at) sight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM

Sounds kinda sexy, in a doggy sorta way...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM

Is Rapaire desperate? HE seems to think dead squirrels are a good food source...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 01:34 PM

yes, Stilly, I got to ride in a damnbulance. They claimed I was "medically unstable" and wouldn't let my brother in law drive me - even tohough it would have got me to the hospital faster and MUCH cheaper....and even though they had had me sitting around for about six hours at that point.

Had lower abdominal pains over the weekend of 12/28-29, so the 30th went in to have it checked out though by that time had next to no pain left - but our medical cat refused to leave me alone....so I figured I had better get checked out because he wasn't leaving me alone even AFTER I fed him. But local hospital no longer has surgeons on call, so they shipped me to the next town over, and eventually told me that I was going to have surgery. I still wonder if they would have bothered if I hadn't specifically asked - since they didn't until I asked.(As they were about to administrer the anesthesia....I wasn't ging under without an estimate of when I would wake up - as at that point I hadn't had anything to tell family....

six days in the hospital and another 8 at home... back to work now...and it's a long long long day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM

MMario, I'm glad you're on the way to full recovery. The physical therapy for that sort of operation is pretty extensive and everyone I know who has had it ended up looking like Henry VIII at the end of his reign.

As for dead squirrels, dachshunds are as afraid of them as they are of live ones. "BARKBARKBARK! I"m defending MY turf oops he's turned around and I'd better hightail it oughta here BARKBARKBARK!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 02:58 PM

Thanks Mom! It's not raining anymore! But you already knew that 'cause you're the one who did it, huh?

♫♫
Call on Mom when it's bad weather
Call on Mom, she'll make it better
She can do it if you'll let her
And if you're good, she just might knit you a sweater
♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM

I had a Dachshund who wasn't the least bit scared of squirrels. He spent most of his life trying to kill them. I'm not sure if he ever got one, but he never quit trying, and in time he began using "stealth" methods instead of the standard old "CHA-A-A-A-RGE!!!!!!!" routine. He would lurk silently at the bottom of a large tree for hours, not moving a muscle, just hide in the foliage and wait for a squirrel to descend...then ZAP!!! I saw him come within a micron of getting a squirrel one day, but the squirrel just barely evaded his lightning fast lunge and snap. It was tremendously upset, of course, and rushed up a different tree where it cursed him loudly for the next 15 minutes or so... ;-)

Squirrels do not expect Stealth Dachshunds.

A whole series of chimpmunks met a sudden and grisly end in the jaws of this same Dachshund. He would lurk silently around a corner of the house...waiting...and some poor chipmunk would eventually come bopping merrily around the corner and...CHOMP!!!!! Finito.    Squirrels weren't that easy, as they don't tend to do the around the corner of the house manueuver. They think more in terms of the vertical axis than chimpmunks do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 05:10 PM

MM:

My condolences on your appendectomy; I hope you had a good stretch to recover in. Those full body anaesthetic slams can really bend your head around.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:30 PM

I dunno, man. Every few years lately I've been like, you know, gettin' gorta like a full dose of anesthesia, and then they, like, the last time gave me two shots of morphine when I came out of the operating room and hydrocodone and T4 and like I think I'll like, you know, go get whittled on a coupla times a year 'cause it's like, cool, ya know? Maybe I'll go become a doctor just for like the dope, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:39 PM

That full-body anesthesia is not fun, but I figured out that part of the reason it was like the worst hangover you can imagine is that they used Versed first. That is nasty stuff but is used routinely unless you tell them not to. It added a day to my hospital stay the last time they used it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 10:00 PM

You were well Versed, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 10:39 PM

(Groan)IF it would help me forget puns like that...I'd let myself get reVersed!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 09:06 AM

Three three two two two
Is the post I post to you.
Post with joy and with aplomb
Wit and insight for our Mom.
Joy, aplomb, insight and wit.
I get tired of this shit.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 09:20 AM

Stilly said: (in part)
"...were told they could only eat the pie shapes if they ate them with the stew ...I have to keep making the pie crust in cookie cutter shapes to make them happy. They're 17 and 21. "

At those ages, let them make pie crusts themselves!!!!! If necessary - have them cheat - give them each a frozen pillsbury crust and a cookie cutter for christmas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 11:19 AM

Satori is a Japanese word used in Zen Buddhism for the phenomenon of Sudden Awakening, that Place where the distinction between Experiencer and experience, Knower and known, is erased, and the separative sense of personal self ("I am me, and you aren't") is extinguished. ...

www.zoofence.com/define07.html

Like, wow, man. Yon Rapaire has a recipe for shrimp satori!!

Do they go, like, "The school is One...the sea is One...we are shrimp, but we are the Ocean...". Like, wow, man...And then you eat them, see?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 11:56 AM

Store bought pie crust will not cross my threshold or be used in pies in my house. We make it fresh, ourselves. And yes, they have cut out their own shapes.

Here's a link to a story I told the others in our current declutter thread. MOM's sitting out blubbering quietly on the back porch, she liked it so well. (after the horizontal rule)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 12:10 PM

Stilly - frozwen pie crust is much better then pie crust I make....I am a failure in the pie crust department.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 12:23 PM

I make very good pie crust. A co-worker was having difficulty with a crust recipe she had been using, and remembered I'd brought or said something about pies at work, so asked me about her recipe. It sounded un-bakable. I sent her my recipe, and now I think I hear from her every time she makes a pie--thanks for that recipe! Obviously she has to make it and it comes out good because she does it correctly, so I just gave her the tool. But if you want a good recipe, look inside the cover in most of that Better Homes and Garden's (red and white plaid) cookbooks. Don't over work it, and don't put in a drop more water than you need to make it just hold together.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 01:45 PM

Well, the only kind of pie crust that crosses my threshold is one with a pie already baked inside it. I'm very much a do-it-yourselfer, but some things are best left to professionals. Heart surgery, nuclear powerplant maintenance, and pies are good examples.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 02:14 PM

Well....PIE!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:24 PM

MMario is, then, the Anti-Crust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM

Oh hell. That was terrible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM

I should apologize to everyone and do penance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:26 PM

But I won't. 33233!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:44 PM

You are such a dodger, Rapaire!! Why don't you do what you should?

Anyway, with a head so full of facts and figures it is no wonder you have a soft spot for spinners...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM

I am the anti-crust.
I make quiche without crusts.
I make frozen pies without crust.
I make cheesecakes without crust (usually).

I don't make crusts. My crusts are inedible.

If I have to make a crust it will probably be a crumb crust, which are slightly less inedible then my (theoretical) pie crusts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:02 PM

I relish the thought of you toiling over crust, Manne of Emms.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:14 PM

You obviously have a mental block. Or don't have a good recipe. Or both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM

My little baby is going to be 16 years old tomorrow.

Where did all the time go? Did Gluon run off with it?

Maybe I'll make a birthday pie for him.    Except, he prefers to spend his birthday with his girlfriend who is taking him to dinner and a movie. I offered to take them both to dinner and then they could do the movie. I was let know promptly that the very best, special, present I could give him was to function as the chauffer who magically disappears between dropping them off and picking them up again at the end of the evening.

Looks like I will spend an intimate Friday evening in the gardening and cookbook sections of Barnes & Noble, revving myself up on Starbuck's finest.

Maybe I should bring MOM along, and we can hang out at the Sport's Bar instead. Eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM

Nothing like fear of screwing up a pie crust to make one screw up a pie crust!

Gee, could say the same thing about singing a song?

Or intergalactic travel. Or raising a dachshund.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM

YEah, bring Mom along. Thanks to Gluon, she's timeless, and these little whiplashes on the road to maturity will not appear. Sigh. I think the toughest part about growing up, for sure, is having to start a next generation and somehow steer it while nurturing its self-determination. Young folks are so wildly different one to another.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM

You DO know what they're going to be doing throughout dinner and the movie, don't you?








































Texting!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 09:14 AM

Janie - While it might be nice for you and MOM to keep company during the waiting time for son&date; PLEASE do not take her to a Sports Bar.

The last time she went she started more fights then an entire hockey season!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:27 AM

Well, she could take Mom to a titty bar, but you know where that would end up...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:29 AM

Mom! It's raining again!

I've written another song for you. I'll sing it if you'll do something about this %#@*&! rain!

♫♫

Today is a rainy day.
Today is a rainy day.
Today, it is a rainy day.
Oh Mom, please make it go away.

Today is a day of shit.
Today is a day of shit.
Today, it is a day of shit.
Oh Mom, won't you please get rid of it?

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:32 AM

ohmahgawd.....remember when MOM and Tina Louise did the duet at the "Owl and the PussyCat"? The papperazzi had a field day!

And I had almost managed to forget that......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 11:33 AM

It's been awhile since I've posted here. Did anything significant happen in my absence? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:05 PM

Something significant happens here with each post. Each post adds to the cumulative total of BS required to achieve the goal of a totally MOABic state of consciousness. Each post is laden with the potential for being the one that lifts the cover from the rabbit hole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:15 PM

...a fact, a fact!! And one which LH knows full well. But by reversing it with his egoic question, he injected more Pure BS intot he thread, thus accelerating the momentum toward whatever it was BWL said was happening,.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

I thought Gluojn had chased away all the rabbits that didn't get eaten by the freds....

so why do we have rabbit holes, and why are they covered?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:19 PM

When the cover finally IS lifted from the rabbit hole, I expect Winona Ryder to hop out of it...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:21 PM

The freds don't eat the holes, silly; they leave them lying around like so many Mars bar wrappers, although not always where they started.

As for the covers, the freds were required by the National Association for Decency Relating to Body Parts (NADRBP) to provide the covers to protect the modesty of the rabbits who used to eat, shit, copulate and shower inside the holes. Otherwise, no more DNA.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM

How many holes does it take to fill the Albert Hall?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:34 PM

So that Gluon can't get to the rabbits, of course. Of course also, it doesn't work. But don't jump down one.

LH, the only significant thing that happened is that I posted -- that's ALWAYS the most significant item of any span of time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM

One.

Or an infinite number, since no matter how many you put into the Hall, the Hall will be still empty by normal definition, although it will be chockablock full of holes. But the thing is, no matter how full, you could always add a hole. No-one would notice because it would become one with the existing population of holes, which had in turn already formed a perfect Union of Holes thus achieving a Co-Existence of Absence, a truly rare and exalted state of Being. And any holes you added would definitely be slurped up into said Co-Existence this joining the Great One Hole.

If you then brought an oboe into the Hall, the oboe by its nature would be adding several more holes to the sum, yet somehow, even though those holes were presumed to be part of the Oboe, yet they too would become part of the One Hole. Withal, mirabile dictu the One Hole would not become any deeper for the addition. Nor would it become any shallower if the oboe left.

This provides a terrific recipe for meditation; seek the holes between your thoughts and find the One.


A


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