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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 24 Apr 10 - 01:36 PM
Acme 24 Apr 10 - 02:31 PM
Amos 24 Apr 10 - 03:43 PM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 10 - 03:44 PM
Acme 24 Apr 10 - 05:21 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 10 - 05:41 PM
Amos 24 Apr 10 - 07:43 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 10 - 09:08 PM
Amos 24 Apr 10 - 10:01 PM
Amos 24 Apr 10 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 10 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 10 - 11:12 PM
Acme 24 Apr 10 - 11:29 PM
Amos 25 Apr 10 - 10:54 AM
Amos 25 Apr 10 - 12:06 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 10 - 07:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 10 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 10 - 09:33 AM
Acme 26 Apr 10 - 10:55 AM
MMario 26 Apr 10 - 12:00 PM
Amos 26 Apr 10 - 01:04 PM
Eiseley 26 Apr 10 - 04:00 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 10 - 04:21 PM
Amos 26 Apr 10 - 04:37 PM
Acme 26 Apr 10 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 10 - 06:44 PM
Amos 26 Apr 10 - 07:47 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 10 - 09:47 PM
Amos 26 Apr 10 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 10 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 10 - 11:33 PM
Acme 27 Apr 10 - 02:35 AM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 06:01 AM
Eiseley 27 Apr 10 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 27 Apr 10 - 10:44 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 27 Apr 10 - 11:00 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 27 Apr 10 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 27 Apr 10 - 12:48 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Apr 10 - 12:50 PM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 12:54 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 01:09 PM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 01:24 PM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 01:25 PM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 10 - 02:34 PM
Amos 27 Apr 10 - 10:54 PM
Acme 27 Apr 10 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 10 - 11:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 01:36 PM

I have now received said message. I am struck speechless. I never KNEW this!!! Why has no-one told me this before now??

Good friends, I implore you, ask Little Hawk to also send you a message containing something you should know. You will be amazed at how good he is at it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 02:31 PM

What I already know is that if it is a crew of women working on your bathroom, they'll do a darned good job!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 03:43 PM

Well, there's only two--more than that wouldn't fit in there!! But they're doing a first rate pro job.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 03:44 PM

Amos - "I am struck speechless."

If only! (grin)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 05:21 PM

"I am struck speechless," he said.

Turn it into a true oxymoron.

I wish Shane would make himself useful. Or Chongo. One of them. I could use someone to come police the grounds in the back for dog droppings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 05:41 PM

Shame could do it, only he gets awfully hungry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 07:43 PM

And Chongo would just use them for ammo...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 09:08 PM

Penelope Rutledge??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 10:01 PM

Definitely! It would cure her of her excessive airs and improve her tone immensely.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 10:05 PM

Today, I rode an electric bicycle in a street fair. It was a most uniusual sensation.

Tonight I have the pleasure of watching my first movie by the once-celebrate Japanese director Ozu.

I tingle with anticipation!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 10:34 PM

MOM! My little brother just called and after two years and more of fighting the Dept. of Defense and the VA bureaucracy he got a memo from the USAF today saying that he was "boots on the ground" in Vietnam for at least 196 days of TDY! He expects to get some other medals, too -- perhaps even the Distinguished Flying Cross (he was put in for it for flying air intelligence for the Son Tay raid).

Wow, this is exciting! It means that if he develops Type 2 diabetes he's covered by the VA (also ALS and some other nasty things we don't want to think about) because of Agent Orange exposure!

We are happy for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 11:12 PM

Croquet by Moonlight
by Julia A. Moore

On a moonlight evening, in the month of May,
A number of young people were playing at croquet,
They mingled together, the bashful with the gay,
And had a pleasant time and chat, while playing at croquet.

CHORUS:

This play they call croquet, croquet,
This play they call croquet,
It is amusement for the young,
This play they call croquet.

On that pleasant evening, the moon shone clear and bright,
And every heart among that crowd was filed with great delight.
It was a merry party, for lady Dell was there
Her merry laugh above the rest was heard by all, so fair.

CHORUS: This play, etc.

She was the belle that evening, admired by great and small,
And all the boys liked to play with the girl and blue ball.
She was a splendid player, so lively and so gay,
For she was skilled in playing that pleasant game croquet.

CHORUS: This play, etc.

Two young men among them, that loved this pretty Dell;
Although I write about them, their names I will not tell.
They were fine young fellows, so bashful, and yet so gay;
They tried to beat the girl that with the blue ball play.

CHORUS: This play, etc.

Ah! with those handsome fellows, Dell thought she'd have some fun,
"The one of you that'll catch me, may see me safely home."
The play began in earnest, between those fine young men,
To catch the girl with the blue ball, was impossible for them.

CHORUS: This play, etc.

She went around the play-ground, so full of life and gay,
She left them at the farther arch, so she beat them at croquet.
It was late that evening, and as I went away,
I know not how they came out, in that pleasant game, croquet.

CHORUS: This play, etc.

So croquet by moonlight is pleasant, as you see,
For business cares were laid aside, in that little company.
So playing at croquet, croquet, so playing at croquet,
It is amusement for the young folks, this play of croquet.


I have researched this poem quite thoroughly and cannot find out about the blue balls of the young men who played with the girl.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 11:29 PM

MOM, I shared my beer with the sausages (cooked some brats) and with the snails (poured some in a bowl in the yard in the strawberry patch). There wasn't any left for the guys. Sorry about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 10:54 AM

I suppose that's one way to handle brats. In our house we just give them a time-out.

Rapaire, that was loathsome of you, my friend. Repulsively bad.

I suspect Julia Moore was one of Mom's past-life incarnations.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 12:06 PM

Japan in around 1960 is encapsulated in Yosujiru Ozu's film "The End of Summer". The civilization of Osaka is people with geishas and career girls, salary-men and elders in kimonos. Grace and delicacy in small gestures is very much alive in ordinary circumstances, even in Westernized bars where the salary-men drink scotch and smoke Marlboros. It is a strange land, almost cartoon-like, where a large proportion of the interactions seem almost telepathic. BEautiful piece of work; but not for keeping in the library, methinks.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 07:17 PM

Okay, then I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 09:28 PM

Hurrah for Cooper and Cary
Air -- "Rally 'Round the Flag, Boys"

by Julia A. Moore

We will rally in the city,
We will gather from the farms,
Shouting equalization,
Greenbacks a legal tender,
Then the poor will get along,
The poor that dwell throughout our nation.

CHORUS:

Three cheers for Cooper and Cary,
Hurrah, boys, hurrah;
Three cheers for our nation,
In peace and in war;
If it were not for our laboring men,
What would our nation do --
Take this in consideration.

It is now one hundred years,
Or just one century,
Stood grand this good old nation,
And our forefathers fought
That we may not be a slave --
A slave to the monarchy of England.

Revolutionary war was fought
With the British, this we hear,
To make this an independent nation;
We, the independent men,
We will not be a slave,
To bond-holders in our nation.

The Republicans are for gold,
And the nation as it is;
Take this in consideration.
In eighteen seventy-nine
Taxes must be paid in gold,
If Hayes and Wheeler gain election.

The Democrats are for gold,
Reform and economy;
What better off will be our nation,
If Tilden and Hendricks,
If they gain the day --
Poor people will come to starvation.

Come, freeman, now arise,
Put your shoulder to the wheel
This Presidential election;
Vote for an independent man,
One in favor of greenbacks,
In this great financial question.

Three cheers for Cooper and Cary,
May they keep marching on --
Marching with God upon the right, boys,
May they conquer o'er their foes
And the cursed money rings --
Right will yet conquer might, boys.


Oh it can get worse, Amos. MUCH worse....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 09:33 AM

Alone, abandoned, and forsaken amidst the bottom dwellers. Poor Mom. Fortunately I was there to help her up. That's why I'm her favorite, except in countries that spell funny and there I'm her favourite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 10:55 AM

GOOD MORNING, MOM!

Isn't it just a lovely day out? Let's go out and see what is blooming in the yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 12:00 PM

MOM

When I woke up to the load thump and pained shouts Sunday morning about t3 AM I figured it was just you getting back from Your night our with the Legion Auxiliary.....

Was I surprised when it turned out to be my B-I-L who fell and broke his hip


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 01:04 PM

Rapaire:

STOP HURTING MOM!!!!!!!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 04:00 PM

Happy day! Two classes finished, one more to go.

And that sound I heard in the night wasn't the Mother stumbling along a bit tipsy, it was a skunk. Whew, pungent!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 04:21 PM

Dear old Mom never stumbles along "a bit tipsy." She stumbles along roaring drunk, singing bawdy songs, beating up cops, breaking streetlights, and propositioning every man she meets along the way. But she never drives and never gets into a fight she can't win with one hand (she needs the other to hold her bottle).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 04:37 PM

As Mom always says--better to hold a bottle in front of me than to be hauled to a frontal lobotomy...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 04:58 PM

MMario, that's some household, with a B-I-L with a broken hip and MOM staggering around trying not to trip over him. I hope the two don't collide in the hall one night. Be sure you have night lights in the halls and on the stairs. You might even want to put in a motion-activated light on the stairs. At least that way you'd be able to see who it was who fell down the stairs when you rush out into the hall in the middle of the night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 06:44 PM

As Mom also says, "Everything in moderation. Even excess."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 07:47 PM

We stubbed our toes and snubbed our hawse
And let the hook run free
In the Thirty-Five, Two-Eighty sands
Bound for Thirty Five and Three,
But the Man of Books dragged up our Hook
ANd a squall began to blow
And our Mom she staggered full of drink
Down to her bunk below.

Now the yards did squawk, and Little Hawk
Allowed he'd set us right.
And he grabbed the helm and hollered loud
And swung her toward the night.
Well she answered well, it grew black as hell,
And the Hawk he grew afeared.
He swore he wished he'd stood to home
And tried to grow a beard.

Then to the prow bold Eisely went, and grasped the striker's chain
And she peered into that endless dark, with all her might and main.
"I thinks I sees a light to port!"
She called into the fray.
So Stilly grabbed the bleeding helm,
And bravely steered away.

ANd there we were, and here we are,
As the night waves growl and roar
A-seeking for to find our way
To The Three-Two-Five safe shore.
And the other men are sick below
And on deck there is but three,
There is Eisely ahead, and Still on watch,
These ladies brave...and me!

Buster Baxter Buttons Sea Dog III
Tales from the Oceans of Nod
Saltee, Older & Dogg, pubs.
Nantucket, US 1921


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 09:47 PM

Then Mom staggered up from down below
And kicked Amos into the hold,
Saying "I'll tell you when you lubberly men
Can come up and play at bold.
Bonney Ann and Mary Reade and the immortal Granuaile
Have shown you're not Poseidon's favorite folks --
And don't forget Alvida fair, and the wonderful Ching Shi.

"Now git below, 'cause it's started to blow
Harder than you've ever seen,
Let those who know run 'er through the snow,
The wind, the sleet, the rain.
Now git below! To yer hammock git!
We women will pull 'er through
Like we've done with everything else when you men have said, 'We're
                               screwed.'"


                           --Ibid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 10:55 PM

Yon Rapaire was ever a lad of little scansion.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 11:09 PM

Is that like a colander or a prosodic pattern or a prostate exam or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 11:33 PM

I have just discovered something: William McGonagle and Julia Moore were very likely the parents of rap!

E.g., read this pausing at the //:

Alas! // the people now do sigh and moan
For the loss of Wm. // Ewart Gladstone, //
Who was a very great politician // and a moral man, //
And to gainsay it // there's few people can.


And, from Ms. Julia (same reading deal):

Come, freeman, // now arise,
Put your shoulder to the wheel //
This Presidential elec // tion;
Vote for an independent man, //
One in favor of greenbacks,
In this great finan //cial question.


Also, ignore the authors' punctuation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 02:35 AM

MOM, don't say I never stayed up late to tuck you in. I've about finished burning those DVDs. Charged WAY too little for this little freelance job. But it was for a good cause.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 06:01 AM

Never fear, Mom. No harm will come to you while we patrol the night!!

Plus we'll wake you up and tell on Rapaire if he tries that trick of shinnying down the back drainpipe and running off to those perfumed ladies in town.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 10:15 AM

Two of my sons have organized a neighborhood band with the girls next door. They have band practice every afternoon. These are the instruments: a trumpet (Tom), a cello (Will), a keyboard and voice. They have a hard time finding sheet music for that particular set, but I think improvisation is actually better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 10:44 AM

Does Tom play trumpet so he can't sing? That's why my mother forced me to learn the Divine Instrument, the Instrument of God Almighty, the One Most Pleasing To Her Or Him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 11:00 AM

Tom plays the trumpet because it's the loudest instrument available through the school. His singing voice is fine, but trumpets can blare out more decibels.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 12:21 PM

Ha ha. My typing can blare out in more decibels, too when I type the html codes in backwards!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM

My trumpet was made by the C. G. Conn Company in 1929. I'll bet Tom's is newer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 12:48 PM

Yep. Yamaha, one previous owner, not too many dents. I haven't examined it closely enough to find a year. Here are some historic horns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 12:50 PM

Peeple who are cool do not play the flippin' trumpet! Trust me.

If I was to shew you flipheads all the mega-flippin' tallentes I have and my sphechule abyllit...aybelli...the things I can do...if I was to flippin' do THAT then youse would all just stand their with yer mouths hangin' opne in flippin' astunnishment!

I fownd the beer, eh? Don was lyin'! He lies like a flippin' rug. It was in a flippin' secret conpartmint he made in the wall, eh? I drunk it all and boy is he ever PISSED! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 12:54 PM

I always did say there's no Conn like an old Conn. And no Conn man like an old Conn man.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM

Don ain't old yet. But he is BALD! And I will never flippin' let him ferget it neether. I have hair to, like, die for, eh? But Don is bald on top! Bald on top! Bald on top! He whweres a flippin' baseball cap to hide it but everybuddy knows! Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 01:09 PM

Shanes sense of humor is subtle and nuanced, with a delicate, pervasive energy. It kind of grows on you, like a metastasizing carcinoma, if you know what I mean.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 01:24 PM

Oh it was a fair and a pleasant day
Out of San Diego I was coasting...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 01:25 PM

And the Three-Five-Three was but two away...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 01:26 PM

As we kept our Mother up by posting!

Three Five and Three


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 02:34 PM

You know, Shame is also bald. Completely bald, if you follow me, due to an accident he had while playing with a sledge hammer and a tree stump when he was young. What everyone thinks is hair is really dirt, corn and wheat smut, and various bodily excretions. He also sings (if you can call it that) a very high soprano.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 10:54 PM

If there is a conflict between your gruesome depiction of Shane and Little Hwk's disgusting one, which one should we believe in?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 11:09 PM

Is it only Tuesday? Darn. I took a nap and dreamed it was Friday already. Bummer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 11:15 PM

Shame isn't gruesome, nor is he disgusting. He's actually both, as well as being a (fortunately dead-ended) pollution and corruption of the human gene pool.


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