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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST 07 Jul 04 - 12:14 PM
Amos 07 Jul 04 - 12:30 PM
Acme 07 Jul 04 - 12:35 PM
Amos 07 Jul 04 - 02:15 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 07 Jul 04 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 04 - 03:17 PM
Amos 07 Jul 04 - 04:07 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Jul 04 - 04:08 PM
42 08 Jul 04 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 04 - 09:24 AM
Acme 08 Jul 04 - 09:52 AM
Amos 08 Jul 04 - 11:35 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 04 - 12:00 PM
Amos 08 Jul 04 - 12:16 PM
GUEST 08 Jul 04 - 12:20 PM
Amos 08 Jul 04 - 12:32 PM
GUEST 08 Jul 04 - 12:44 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 04 - 12:56 PM
GUEST,MMario 08 Jul 04 - 12:58 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 04 - 01:02 PM
Amos 08 Jul 04 - 01:05 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 04 - 01:17 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 08 Jul 04 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 04 - 01:34 PM
Amos 08 Jul 04 - 02:07 PM
GUEST,MMario 08 Jul 04 - 02:13 PM
Rustic Rebel 09 Jul 04 - 12:31 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Jul 04 - 12:35 AM
42 09 Jul 04 - 07:19 AM
GUEST 09 Jul 04 - 08:20 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 04 - 08:54 AM
GUEST,Wall Wuss Anne. D. Carpenter 09 Jul 04 - 10:49 AM
GUEST,MMario 09 Jul 04 - 10:53 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 04 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 04 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,a b patterswine 09 Jul 04 - 11:33 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 04 - 12:15 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 04 - 12:36 PM
Amos 09 Jul 04 - 01:23 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 04 - 01:34 PM
Amos 09 Jul 04 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 04 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 04 - 04:35 PM
Amos 09 Jul 04 - 04:47 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 04 - 05:40 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 04 - 06:23 PM
freda underhill 09 Jul 04 - 06:45 PM
Amos 09 Jul 04 - 07:32 PM
Rustic Rebel 10 Jul 04 - 02:43 AM
42 10 Jul 04 - 07:53 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 12:14 PM

but the post that cursed him was 5793


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 12:30 PM

I dibs post 4000, no outsies, no cutsies.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 12:35 PM

You can't hold that place--if you're not there when the time comes, have your hanky ready to weep into!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 02:15 PM

But I DIBSSSSSIES!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 03:13 PM

Ha! Post number 3800!!! Got you agai---

Wait a minute.

Darn it, I messed up somehow. It's post number 3805 now.

Oh, well. See you in another 95 posts, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 03:17 PM

Khandu SOLD me post 4000 some time back. Have the canceled check or cheque. Anyone else who takes it is trespassing and worse, so be warned: trespassers will be persecuted, survivors will be executed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 04:07 PM

Neeener neeener neeener, Rapaire is a weiner.....I DIBS post 4000


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 04:08 PM

Don't count yer mangos before they ripen. I have good reason to believe Khandu sold you a counterfeit copy for post 4000. Specially since I already know of 3 other people he has sold the same thing to! This is fraud. I am investigatin' and it is my opinion that Khandu is gonna be in deep shit over this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 09:16 AM

gentlemen...gentlemen...chimp equivalent...who amongst us needs to reaffirm their manhoood by being the victor in this pissing contest?

Besides, it's in the bag...the thread goddess has promised to save it for me.

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 09:24 AM

I also have a receipt. In Khandu's handwriting. And it's the first by date, being dated "15 Thermidor 1793". He said it was "revolutionary" while he skipped away singing something that sounded like "...for tonight we'll Marat be...."

As for Amos, I can only say that I have it on excellent authority that his mother wears Army boots and sings out of tune.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 09:52 AM

I'm gonna hover over my muliple windows when the time comes and slip that 4000 in while you're all arguing about it.

Just watch. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 11:35 AM

SRS,

You can't....I dibsed it!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:00 PM

I also bought numbers 5000, 6000, 7000, 8000, 9000 and 10000 while I was at it.

And I'll defend them! Anyone who tries to take them will have water balloons flung their way! This is not an empty threat! I have water balloons and I'm not afraid to us them! To prove it, here's a picture of me, assisted by two of my allies, launching a test shot (photo taken by a CIA spy satellite).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:16 PM

Tough. Dibses is dibses. No nekkid broads are gonna undo that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:20 PM

well dibses are dibses - but can be overuled by a 'hosey' or several dozen chocolate bars -

all of course subject to "you move, you lose"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:32 PM

NO HOSEY, I CALL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:44 PM

DAMMIT! Forgot about "no hosey!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:56 PM

Go ahead, bluster all you want. In the end Shatner will prevail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 12:58 PM

careful LH! Someone bought out all the RAID Lawn and Garden blackfly spray for five counties around here!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 01:02 PM

Look, man, no matter how many hits Big Bill takes, no matter how badly torn his T-shirt, no matter how sweaty and tousled he becomes...he always triumphs at the end of each episode. That tells you something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 01:05 PM

Has anyone told LH that the series ended some years back? That tells you something! Old, fat and in the way, that's our Billy boy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 01:17 PM

Good Lord! There are forty Estonians downstairs, singing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 01:26 PM

Yes, they're part of my entourage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 01:34 PM

Sure, Bill. Right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 02:07 PM

Shatner thinks everything is part of his entourage, even the truck that carries porta-potties around and the recycle bins in the park. He's incurably diseased, him.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 08 Jul 04 - 02:13 PM

even the truck that carries porta-potties around and the recycle bins in the park

He's wrong about the truck and the recycle bins - but he's spot on with the porta-privies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 12:31 AM

Tweed, my bitch friend, (you're quick minded aren't you Tweed?) that you are,
perhaps you should be taking the next postal star.

Number, that is.

Stilly, what's up with you wasting good space,
posting numbers that put you into some kinda silly race?

Number race. that is.

I believe Amos has called dibs.
And so the 3000 post should be his.

What is, should be his.


That's about all I got to say about the mother way, today.
Still lovin' you and still naked.

P.S. I did my sun dance and I won the bet for a clarinet concerto, just for the effort.
The sun came out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 12:35 AM

Well shit, I see I messed up on the number. Well I still think Amos called dibs on the 4000 post.
*Note to Amos---
*My main man, I hope you get it before the shat or stilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 07:19 AM

could we find something else to blather on about while we wait for the thriller of the century to reach its nail-biting conclusion.

please
j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 08:20 AM

How 'bout them Mets?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 08:54 AM

How about my WINNINGS?????????????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Wall Wuss Anne. D. Carpenter
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 10:49 AM

The MOAB thread was winding on,
Winding with all Her charm
She did her very best to make
The catters free from harm--
And this was odd, because it was
a cyber funny farm.

Rapaire was shining sulkily,
Because he thought his brudder
Had got no business to be there
brown nosing up da Mudder
'It's very rude of her.' he said,
'To flaunt her mega udder!'

The thread was long as long could be,
The comments dry as dry.
You could not understand a bit
no matter how you try
For Amos, Rustic and the rest--
were raving by and by.

Now Chongo Chimp and and Little Hawk
Watched all the panorama
They drooled like anything to see
Such Shatneristic drama
'The problems of the Universe
are solved with one banana.'

'If seven men with seven blades
Shaved for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Catter said,
'That they could grow a beard?'
'l doubt it,' said the albatross,
because he couldn't hear.

'The time has come,' the Mother said,
'To talk of many things:
Of earth shoes -- Guam-- and groundhog traps--
Of cribbages -- and Rings --
And why Iraq is boiling hot --
And whether pigs can sing.'

'But wait a bit,' the Catters cried,
Come join us in the chat;
For all of us are out of breath,
And some of us are fat!'
'No hurry!' said the MOAB and
They thanked her much for that.

'It seems a shame,' the Mother said,
'To play them such a trick.
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
and jennyO said nothing but
'The butter's spread too thick!'

'I weep for you,'the MOAB said:
'I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears she sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding her mustard sauce and dill
Before her streaming eyes.

The MOAB showed her Catters,to
her son, whose name was Vlad
He licked his lips seductively
They realised they'd been had --
Their thread was his digestive track
and Vlad, the cad, was mad.

for ten long years they argued on
debating gin and tonic
in Vlad's entwining serpentining
gizzard, quite moronic
until the day he paid his dues
and had a full colonic.

The MOAB smiled as out they gushed,
like feathers on a river
The Mother watched them hurtling past
and felt a little quiver
And this was odd, because it was
just so much cyber blither..

Wall Wuss Anne. D. Carpenter


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 10:53 AM

'The time has come,' the Mother said,
'To talk of many things:
Of earth shoes -- Guam-- and groundhog traps--
Of cribbages -- and Rings --
And why Iraq is boiling hot --
And whether pigs can sing.'


Marvelous!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 10:59 AM

Hey! Great poem, Wall Wuss. Shatneriffic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 11:01 AM

I like that, WWADC. I like it so much that it has prompted my next act!

I received the following email today. Since the folks at UK Lotto have so badly let me down ("A little bit of Lotto left me down" -- there's a song in that) I have sent Mrs. Khalid's address and information to them! AND I've sent their information to her!

Here's her email to her, and gee, I didn't even know her before this!

No: 24A Idrisa Road,
Baghdad.
Republic of Iraq.
Salam
Greetings to you in the name of our Allah i got your e mail through the help of my nurse who scanned the internet and gave me your mail.
I am Mrs Mariam Khalid a devoted muslim,a new muslim convert of 74
years old after being converted from a christian family by my husband.For quite a good number of years now,I have been suffering from cancer of the breast and fibroid of the womb which has for a long time now affected my health and from all indications my condition is deteriorating by day and by my doctor's prediction I have less than six months to live.

My husband who is now late was killed during the US/British attack
against the president of my country (Sadam Hussain).My late husband was a member of the contract award committee of the republican ministry of
petroleum and resources of Iraq under the regime of Sadam Hussein

Throughout the period of my marriage with my husband,all efforts to
bear children proved abortive because of my poor state of health.My
husband was a very wealthy and influential man during the post war Iraq. After his death,I inherited all his wealth since he has no other next of kin.

Since it is now obvious that I may not survive my poor state of health,
I have deemed it necessary to leave a legacy on Earth and give a
positive account and justification of the life I lived on Earth before the Almighty Allah.
This I want to achieve by committing part of this wealth in all
sincerlity to fund , Islamic orphanages,widows and the less priviledge peoples all over the world. I know that afterdeath, I will be with ALLAH the most beneficent and the most merciful.
Please, note that this sum(us$35 Million) was securely deposited in a
security/financial company overseas in my name by my husband . I have
highlighted my attorney on the said sum and all the possible assistance
he would render to you on the documents covering the money so as to
enable you receive it as I cannot follow it up because of my ill
health,this e mail is being written for me by the nurse in my private hospital.Presently, my attorney is in Europe waiting for anybody willing.
I will also issue you a letter of authorization to anable the money be
paid to you.I want you and the Muslim community and all servants of the almighty where you reside to always pray for me .It does not matter your religion or wether i trust you but do actualize my dreams with this money for the sake of the almighty.My happiness is that i lived a life of a true devoted life worthy of emulation.

Lastly, I honestly pray that this money when remitted to you will be
judiciously used for the said purpose and you will take 10% as a
compensation for your assistance in carrying out these humanitarian services.

Whoever wants to serve God must serve him in truth and in fairness.
Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your
reply will give me room to source for another person or a devoted muslim for this same purpose.Until I hear from you, my dreams will rest squarely on your shoulders. May the almighty ALLAH continue to bless you

Best regards.
Hajia Mariam Khalid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,a b patterswine
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 11:33 AM

There was movement at the Mudcat, for the word had passed around
That the goat from Little Hawk had got away,
And had joined the wild bush goats -- he was worth a thousand bucks,
And Bruce Murdoch wandered over to the fray.
All the tried and noted catters from the countries near and far
Had mustered at the MOAB overnight,
For the catters love hard hunting where the wild bush goatses are,
And the MOAB sniffs the battle with delight.

..2 b continued...

a b patterswine


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 12:15 PM

Rapaire - I don't want to shake your world to its very foundations and destroy your faith in humanity, but...

I think there is a slight possibility you will not be receiving those lottery winnings any time soon. There are people out there who tell lies about this sort of thing! I know it's hard to face up to, but you may have been bamboozled. Just a slight chance. Prepare yourself for the worst.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 12:36 PM

Could these be mean people? The sort that kick puppies and kitties? Could this by why I never have money in the bank anymore and all of my credit cards are maxed out?

If these are mean people I'm going to get very, very mad at them. Vexed, even.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 01:23 PM

Rapaire:

Yes, these are the True Ass-Faced-People, the ones who don't have budgets for art and who cut banjo strings to boot.

Be mad, be very mnad!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 01:34 PM

I would get serious with these mean people, Rapaire. Tell them you are not dealing with them any longer! That should teach them a lesson.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 03:58 PM

Song of the Little Hawk





Am I alone
                                  And unobserved? I am!

                              Then let me own
                                  I'm an aesthetic sham!

                              This air severe
                                  Is but a mere
                                                       Veneer!

                              This cynic smile
                                  Is but a wile
                                                       Of guile!

                              This costume chaste
                                  Is but good taste
                                                       Misplaced!

                                  Let me confess!
          A languid love for lilies does not blight me!
          Lank limbs and haggard cheeks do not delight me!
               I do not care for dirty greens
                     By any means.
                     I do not long for all one sees
                              That's Japanese.
                     I am not fond of uttering platitudes
                              In stained-glass attitudes.
                     In short, my medievalism's affectation,
                     Born of a morbid love of admiration!

If you're anxious for to shine in the high aesthetic line as a man of culture rare,
You must get up all the germs of the transcendental terms, and plant them
    everywhere.
You must lie upon the daisies and discourse in novel phrases of your complicated
    state of mind.
The meaning doesn't matter if it's only idle chatter of a transcendental kind.
                      And everyone will say,
                      As you walk your mystic way,
"If this young man expresses himself in terms too deep for me,
Why, what a very singularly deep young man this deep young man must be!"

Be eloquent in praise of the very dull old days which have long since passed
    away,
And convince 'em, if you can, that the reign of good Queen Anne was Culture's
    palmiest day.
Of course you will pooh-pooh whatever's fresh and new, and declare it's crude
    and mean,
For Art stopped short in the cultivated court of the Empress Josephine.
                      And everyone will say,
                      As you walk your mystic way,
"If that's not good enough for him which is good enough for me,
Why, what a very cultivated kind of youth this kind of youth must be!"

Then a sentimental passion of a vegetable fashion must excite your languid
    spleen,
An attachment à la Plato for a bashful young potato, or a not-too-French French
    bean!
Though the Philistines may jostle, you will rank as an apostle in the high
    aesthetic band,
If you walk down Piccadilly with a poppy or a lily in your medieval hand.
                      And everyone will say,
                      As you walk your flowery way,
"If he's content with a vegetable love which would certainly not suit me,
Why, what a most particularly pure young man this pure young man must be!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 04:08 PM

Bill and Art, by G-d!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 04:35 PM

What the...fuck???????????????

Amos, I must admit you have me totally baffled and confoozled this time! :-) Still, I appreciate the dedication. At least I think I do.

Have you hugged your Shatner pillow today?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 04:47 PM

My Shatner pillow, sir? I have blended it in a large bowl with diced Koala spoors and a pint of camel urine, which when blended smooth I will chill until firma nd send it to you UPS Express.

Because I conceive that this too will be Art!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 05:40 PM

Across the splendoured field did thunder
Emblazoned with hot pride
The myriad sons of France a-blunder
On! On! with Ney they ride!
Their swords and lances shining
Through cloud and wrack of war
Their winsome maids a-pining
At home thro' days of yore
Straight down the cannon's mouth they ride
Into the gates of Hell they stride
As Wellington in readied square
Gives not his place, but steady stares
Not blinking, he, not woebegone
Not... (oh, damn! I forgot about some chore I have to do!)

Alas, the above poem, which was promising to be just utterly splendid must be abandoned in midstream. Duty calls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 06:23 PM

Say, "Nay, not Ney!" LH!!

Somehow, I can't visual Chester running into the office and sayin' "Marshal Ney! Marshal Ney! Mlle. Kitty fait la can-can dans la saloon Branche Longue."

Besides, he eventually taught school -- in North Carolina, I think they think it was.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 06:45 PM

Yet each troll kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a posted word,
The obsessive does it endlessly,
until his grave goes cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 04 - 07:32 PM

...but even done occasionally
It quickly doth grow cold....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 02:43 AM

These times are but a quiver in my eye, which really shake the tree of the post menapausal dandilion in my salad.
I feel a pulse of life rise like an anurisim of the digestive tract, trying to digest a living, breathing spermicidial.
I can ride the wind like the best of them, I heard murmered when the wind rose around a bunch of Harley Davidson freaks that thought the wind rose faster when they weren't riding.
It was like a ride through south California, to visit an old friend, that wasn't really where he wanted to be at the moment.
He was still out there being free and chanting, "Hare of tho dog bit me", "Hare of the dog in me".
The qulity of the calmness soothed any soul.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 07:53 AM

LH - that 'poem' should be drowned in midstream!

haiku anyone?

j


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