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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 02:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 05:30 PM
Eiseley 28 Jan 11 - 06:54 PM
gnu 28 Jan 11 - 07:22 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 07:41 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 07:43 PM
Janie 28 Jan 11 - 08:31 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 09:23 PM
Acme 28 Jan 11 - 09:24 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 09:41 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 11 - 10:31 AM
Eiseley 29 Jan 11 - 11:33 AM
Acme 29 Jan 11 - 11:38 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 11 - 11:39 AM
Eiseley 29 Jan 11 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 29 Jan 11 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 11 - 12:25 PM
Acme 29 Jan 11 - 05:34 PM
Amos 29 Jan 11 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 11 - 07:49 PM
Eiseley 29 Jan 11 - 08:45 PM
Janie 29 Jan 11 - 09:07 PM
Janie 29 Jan 11 - 09:14 PM
Amos 29 Jan 11 - 10:39 PM
Janie 29 Jan 11 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 11 - 12:29 AM
Acme 30 Jan 11 - 01:16 AM
Amos 30 Jan 11 - 12:49 PM
Amos 30 Jan 11 - 02:15 PM
Amos 30 Jan 11 - 07:47 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 11 - 07:53 PM
Amos 30 Jan 11 - 10:34 PM
Acme 31 Jan 11 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 11 - 12:10 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 11 - 01:45 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 11 - 09:39 AM
Amos 31 Jan 11 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 11 - 02:49 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 31 Jan 11 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 11 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 11 - 04:30 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 31 Jan 11 - 05:47 PM
Amos 31 Jan 11 - 08:22 PM
Amos 31 Jan 11 - 09:39 PM
Janie 31 Jan 11 - 09:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Feb 11 - 12:45 AM
Amos 01 Feb 11 - 03:11 PM
Little Hawk 01 Feb 11 - 03:41 PM
Amos 01 Feb 11 - 07:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 02:27 PM

Another thing you shouldn't say is "Man! This stuff always gives me gas!"

(Amos, you didn't credit James Thurber.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 05:30 PM

I'll betcha MOM's daughters could do this. And they could use a smaller box, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 06:54 PM

Ouch!

Actually, I think we'd have to use the same size box. But there are three of us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 07:22 PM

I have been to tastings. They don't appreciate, "Mmmm. That's tastey. Give us anudder." Especially after tasting a few. Even if ya offer yer keys up. Snobby wine types.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 07:41 PM

Asking Mom's daughters to give you an udder is in very poor sort of taste indeed!!

Those ladies in silk are just incredible!! Thanks!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 07:43 PM

The density (mass per unit of volume) of water can vary. For example, the average density of seawater at the surface of the ocean is 1025 kg/m³ (10.25 lb/ga, 8.55 lb/US gallon), fresh water on the other hand has a density of about 1000 kg/m³ (10.00 lb/ga, 8.35 lb/US gallon).[1]

Consider a 100-ton ship passing from a saltwater sea into a freshwater river. It always displaces exactly 100 tons of water, but it has to displace a greater volume of fresh water to amount to 100 tons. Therefore it would sit slightly lower in the water in the freshwater river than it would in the saltwater sea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 08:31 PM

But why in the world would MOM's daughters want to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:23 PM

I wish to acknowledge James Thurber as the origin of the wine-snob remark I posted. With profuse apologies for my oversight.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:24 PM

Gives me a stiff neck just looking at it.

Eiseley, let the other shoe drop, please.

Argentina? For real? Or was it Argentina, Idaho?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:41 PM

Juan Peron invited her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 10:29 PM

It was real. A trip to Argentina. ANd she went too. ANd came back, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 10:31 AM

Yes, changed. She is now convinced she's Eva Peron and she doesn't speak very good Spanish. The last time I talked with her she said, "Yobosayo! Ich bien Evita. Ça va, mon vieux dunderheit? Y como esta votre műtter y todos? Ciao!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:33 AM

Yes it was real Argentina! I visited Ushuaia(the world's southernmost city), San Carlos de Bariloche, and Buenos Aires. I liked Bariloche the best. It was wonderful! The prize was airfare to Argentina and back, so we spent a month because we didn't know if we'd ever make it back. I'd like to return someday. It was a very good return of a $30.00 pledge!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:38 AM

Wow!

Hey, MOM, it's a pretty day outside. I'm going to plant some stuff in the garden. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah to those poor sods buried under snow back east. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:39 AM

That looks really nice, Eiseley. I love those old colonial buildings. What is the money situation like down there in terms of the dollar exchange and the general cost of things?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:43 AM

When I went, in 2000, it was exactly one to one (1 dollar equaled 1 peso). Then after 9/11 there were big financial upheavals. It seems to have settled now, though. That's a short answer to a very complex issue.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 12:16 PM

Well, maybe she didn't say exactly that....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 12:25 PM

Oh, yeah...Janie -- look here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 05:34 PM

You were so lucky to be able to take the trip! I'm afraid it would be a huge process to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 06:50 PM

It's a "once in a lifetime" kinda thing; sometimes that will push it over the top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 07:49 PM

I am seriously considering one of these later this year, after the excitement has calmed down some. I'd even take Pat along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 08:45 PM

What a great idea! My folks have done a couple of those and enjoyed them very much.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 09:07 PM

Why go to Argentina or visit the ancient world, when you can stay right here in the US of A and tour The Mystery Hole, for the price of a $2.00 ticket?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 09:14 PM

Why, I was there myself, back on a spring day in 1975. Truly a mind-boggling experience, especially if you drop a little Mr. Natural on the drive up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 10:39 PM

I am not sure that's an impulse to brag about Raparree. You know full well if you went on one without her she would track you down and re-enact Death in Venice on you...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:09 PM

You got a point there, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 12:29 AM

Also Murder On The Orient Express, The Cremation of Sam Magee, The Wreck Of The Hesperus, Danny Deever, and Death On The Nile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 01:16 AM

Sunday, Bloody Sunday, to be sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 12:49 PM

She said why don't we both just sleep o it tonight?
And in the morning, I a sure you'll see the light.
ANd then she kissed me and I realized, she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways to off your lover!

Just pull out a gat, Matt
No question about that!
Just pull out a shiv, Liv,
He'll end up the same.
Use a big brick, Mick
Or DImaggio's bat, Pat
Just use use a garrotte, Tot,
And then change your name...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 02:15 PM

THE LONGEST THREAD


The longest thread in the Mudcat world
Is eight hundred pages long;
And half the folks who wrote those posts
Have thrown up their hands and gone, love
Thrown up their hands and gone.

The longest thread was ever wrote
It built the BS scene;
The first post written on a Christmas day,
The last ain't yet been seen, love,
The last ain't yet been seen.

Oh, who's gonna make your sweet lips smile
And make your soul confess?
Who's gonna make your sweet heart dance
If Mom runs out of BS, love?
If Mom runs out of BS?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 07:47 PM

How demoralizing!! My immortal, flawless, impeccable aesthetically superb physical form has been given a common cold. I am disgusted.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 07:53 PM

No! You mean that an immortal, flawless, impeccable, aesthetically superb cold has taken residence in your common, used-up, maculate, more-that-vaguely disturbing body?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 11 - 10:34 PM

No sir. As usual, I mean what I said, however mangled it may have become by your internal filters...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 12:05 AM

The Longest Thread was wonderful, Amos. And I'm sure the cold will be gone in a jiffy, with such brilliance staring it down.

:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 12:10 AM

Iffen ya mix red pepper and goose er bear grease together real good and then smear it on yer chest the cold'll go away in no time. Oh yeah, bind a couple wraps of thick white flannel over it and smear some more on every couple hours. Fer that nasty cough a mixture of coal oil and laudanum works ever time. Just take about a 1/4 or 1/2 a wineglass full when you need it. But fergit it iffen ya start ta run a fever, cause then you're gonna die unless you wrap up real close in lots of quilts and hot bricks and sich to sweat the fever outa ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 01:45 AM

Iffen ya don't have the goose er bear grease an ya gets the fever, ya could try buryin' yerself in a big pile of fresh cow shit. Be sure ta leave yer head above it. This here worked every time when my Uncle Hank had to do it once back when the Depression was on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 09:39 AM

You still got that common ol' cold, Amos? Well, common colds for common folks, I guess. MY colds are ALWAYS quite UNcommon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 10:28 AM

That last remark would have been brilliant, sirrah, had it but come first instead of your Appalachian borrowings; as always, timning is everything.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 02:49 PM

Amos:

I do NOT "borrow" from anyone, as I don't give it back.

R.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 03:29 PM

I hope you're feeling better soon, Amos. Don't try any of those home remedies Rapparree suggested. It might cure you of a cold but it'd probably give you something a lot worse.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 04:21 PM

Did I mention the axle grease suppositories?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 04:30 PM

You take axle grease and some ashes from a coal stove. Grind the ashes up really fine and mix 'em with the axle grease. Form it into little bullet-shaped things and you know how and where to apply them (hint: not orally).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 05:47 PM

The hot red pepper and banana powder suppositories with the *secret ingredient* which I am sellin' work way better, Rap. And they are STILL AVAILABLE but runnin' out FAST!

As Amos said (in a rare moment of clarity) "timning is everything". Got that right, Roscoe! My Dad was a fine timner and that is one of the reasons why I inherited the smarts to get to America and make somethin' out of myself instead of just remainin' a bush ape for the rest of my life. My Dad had a little timning shop set up in a clearing on one of the main trails through our area of bush. Because he was such a good timner, all the local natives (Blacks) used to come to my Dad when they needed some timning done, and they paid him in fruits, roots, and handicrafted items that got passed around our band. In time the word about my Dad's timning skills got pretty widespread, so when the White hunters came through I got an introduction, joined on as a guide and porter, and the rest is history, and ALL because of good timning!

It's sad that it is a skill that has almost vanished from the Earth since automation and mass production took over, but that is the way of the world.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 08:22 PM

Well, I deserved that. But you did borrow, Rapparee, and that most lamely. AND with poor timning, too.

As for your suppositories, I suggest thou heal thine own self with them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 09:39 PM

I dreamt I saw that Chongo Chimp
Alive as you or me
I said "But you're imagin'ry!"
"I'm real as real!", said he.
"Wherever dweebs are nobbing hob
ANd dreamers come to chat
I'll be there trying to raise hob, he said,
And firing my gat!"
I said, "You're just a figment, chimp!
A stressed soul's thin delusion!"
"HUsha!" he said, "You know full well,
Denial's no solution!"
"For in every post where you read my name,
And imagine my fedora,
You make me real as any two-bit dame
Who cashes chips in for ya."
And I blinked, and then the chimp was gone
Like dew on a summer morning
But I could not help but shake inside,
And make myself take warning!
For if you defend your sense of all that's real,
And insist in all frustration
That the realest you knows the realest They
You'll be choked on imagination.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 31 Jan 11 - 09:53 PM

Oh Gawd, MOM is bleedin' so bad she leaked over onto Spawser's thread, call the rescue squad!


No. Wait. Call the police! Some of the kids has done gone and busted down the back gate, and are across the street, terrorizing the neighbors!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Feb 11 - 12:45 AM

You can be in my dream, Amos, if I can be in yours. I said that.

;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 11 - 03:11 PM

This working life now wearies me,
I shall no longer scheme
Nor strive; instead, I shall remove
To an imaginary creature's dream.
To be in the dream of an Iffrit bold,
Or the dream of Shakespeare's imp;
Or, scraping the barrel, to be in the dream
Of Little Hawk's two-bit chimp.
Now there would be a vivid life,
Of color and fire and vim
But oh, the risk, in such a life,
Of then becoming him!
No longer would I dream at peace,
Or fly the world at ease;
Instead I'd toss throughout the night
Scratching my dream-self's fleas.
The curses and the violent thoughts,
The rank and sour smell!
Perhaps I'd rather stay employed
Than live in such a hell.

Gantry Jacobsen Schmidt IV
Seeking Another Path Not Taken
Collected Verses of Ineptitude
Brown, Little and Fowl
Rochester, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 11 - 03:41 PM

LOL!!! Truly the stricken wordsmith doth strive mightily from his bed of pain, weaving noble verse and hurling barb-ed shafts of puissant wit, thereby to fret his case and not forfeit cause in the face of cruel and arbitrary malady.

But list, Amos! I am in no wise endangered in maintaining mine own identity unsullied midst the vagaries and strange passions of mine own creations such as yon Chimp. No, indeed. Rather is mine own nature thus strengthened and confirmed by way of vivid contrast, as is the light of a clear morning rendered yet more vivid by the obscure darkness that preceded it.

Thus, my good sir, do I enhance and enlarge my present reality whilst others lose themselves in cleaving too narrowly to their accustomed forms and labels. They who could be all do themselves a disservice in saying, "This I am. Only this and nothing more."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 11 - 07:34 PM

Well, argybargy as thou wilt, sirrah, I am not convinced I would be more the Me I Am by virtue of mocking up a fleabitten drooling simian in a hat to walk around not being I. Such a long way around Robin's non-existent Barn!!


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