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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 12 Mar 11 - 04:42 PM
Little Hawk 12 Mar 11 - 04:44 PM
Amos 12 Mar 11 - 05:45 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 12 Mar 11 - 08:11 PM
Little Hawk 12 Mar 11 - 08:36 PM
Acme 12 Mar 11 - 10:37 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Mar 11 - 11:15 PM
Acme 12 Mar 11 - 11:30 PM
Little Hawk 12 Mar 11 - 11:44 PM
gnu 13 Mar 11 - 05:37 AM
Rapparee 13 Mar 11 - 08:00 AM
Amos 13 Mar 11 - 11:29 AM
Acme 13 Mar 11 - 12:34 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 11 - 01:18 PM
Amos 13 Mar 11 - 03:11 PM
gnu 13 Mar 11 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 11 - 03:36 PM
gnu 13 Mar 11 - 04:03 PM
Amos 13 Mar 11 - 04:19 PM
gnu 13 Mar 11 - 04:26 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 11 - 06:00 PM
Acme 13 Mar 11 - 06:18 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 11 - 07:59 PM
Amos 13 Mar 11 - 08:14 PM
Eiseley 13 Mar 11 - 08:14 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 11 - 08:34 PM
Bobert 13 Mar 11 - 08:34 PM
Charley Noble 13 Mar 11 - 08:45 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 11 - 08:59 PM
Eiseley 13 Mar 11 - 10:10 PM
Acme 13 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM
Amos 13 Mar 11 - 11:10 PM
Rapparee 13 Mar 11 - 11:59 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 11 - 12:21 AM
Amos 14 Mar 11 - 01:26 AM
Rapparee 14 Mar 11 - 10:29 AM
Amos 14 Mar 11 - 01:33 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 11 - 02:03 PM
gnu 14 Mar 11 - 02:20 PM
Amos 14 Mar 11 - 04:26 PM
Amos 14 Mar 11 - 04:31 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 11 - 06:25 PM
Amos 14 Mar 11 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 11 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 11 - 10:46 AM
Acme 15 Mar 11 - 11:55 AM
Amos 15 Mar 11 - 02:13 PM
gnu 15 Mar 11 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 11 - 04:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 04:42 PM

I feared such a race as this might begin while I was out doing good deeds for my fellow man. At least I can feel virtuous for not having wasted the afternoon hanging over the keyboard loading up browser windows to launch in the proper order to get a poem to scan properly. Or some such tactic.

Dibs on 50,000.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 04:44 PM

Well, it's all over and the dust is now settling from the incredible 40,000th post on the MOABST, a seismic shift of awesome dimensions. Against all hopes, William Shatner did not appear and Angelina Jolie declined to post at all, but leaping in, in his usual agile fashion, Chongo Chimp siezed the 40,000th post with the memorable words: "Believe it, turkey."

Those words were directed toward one of the runners-up, Shane McBride, a man (?) who will definitely not get his free beer from Little Hawk.

As the world watched in wonder, Chongo Chimp made off with the ultimate prize of the 40,000th post, and all the glory that goes with it. Pundits will now speculate on how this prestigious primate will capitalize on his coup. Will this be the beginning of a wave of success that catapults him all the way to the Oval Office in 2012? Stay tuned for further revelations!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 05:45 PM

I hate to say this, but it is true: the word "wonder" should be replaced above with "mild disgust".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 08:11 PM

Abe's Museum and Library.

I'm going back to Pocatello tomorrow. Then off to DC on Wednesday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 08:36 PM

Impressive. His poor wife looks like she's wearing a tent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 10:37 PM

That's the Victorian framework that a lot of skirts were worn over. You'd die of heat and bulk it if was all petticoats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 11:15 PM

Well, Jeez. The phone's been ringin' off the wall here. I'm gettin' congratulatory calls from all over the world. And the donations are pourin' in for my 2012 presidential campaign. I never dreamed anything like this would happen. I was just havin' a little fun. Now look at what's happenin'. This here 40,000th post on the MOABS has put me in the Big Leagues, Top of the Pops, baby! I am ridin' the wave...Hoo! Hah!

Time to break out the bubbly. Me and Renata are goin' out to celebrate tonight. Tomorrow the real work starts. Renata says she is gonna monitor my alcohol levels very carefully tonight so's I can still see straight tomorrow and not make a complete fool of myself. She says I better not or she will kill me. That's mighty thoughtful of her. What a great gal, huh? Ook! Ook! ;-)

I ain't heard much from my usual detractors. They are all quiet as little mice, 'cept for a brief whine from Amos who is dyin' now from consumin' some sour grape juice. Ook! Ook! I heard that they picked it up on them seismographs when his jaw hit the floor as I snatched the 40,000th right out from under his nose. He must still be in shock. I bet he makes another trip to Mexico soon to get some "comfort" from you-know-who.

Man, and to think I was just havin' a little fun razzin' that idiot, Shane! Just goes to show, you never know when yer gonna hit gold, but when you do, you gotta just grab the wheel and hold on!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 11:30 PM

I sometimes wonder why some smart woman hasn't snatched up Little Hawk by now. Except that it must be awfully crowded in the house at times--that can be off-putting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 11:44 PM

Stilly, there have been a couple of reasonably smart women who did try to snatch me up. One of them devoted 5 years to the task. Thank God, neither one of them succeeded in the end! It was like hell on Earth. ;-) (though not ALL the time, I'll admit....it just got more and more that way after a certain point...)

I have experienced loneliness alone. I have experienced it in (intimate) company. The latter is definitely worse. Now I seldom feel lonely at all anymore.

But....you never can tell. I might take the plunge again sometime. Anything is possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 05:37 AM

When I'm feelin lonely I go to Abe's Bar & Grill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:00 AM

They caught Sue feelin' Lonely at the Legion Hovel a couple weeks ago. Threw 'em both out fer Actions Becoming A Member of the Idaho Legion. Sue (who's male) prit near broke the door down over the insult to Lonely (who's female), only there wasn't any insult, which a couple of the larger members explained with some pipe wrenches. Next night everyone was friends again, and Lonely was feelin' Terrible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 11:29 AM

I think a smart woman would soon discover his affections had to be widely shared with strange critters, a category into which she would not want to feel she was being forced ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 12:34 PM

Like I said, it could get crowded around there at times!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 01:18 PM

LOL!!! No, actually it's crowded around here for just 2 reasons...guitars and model kits.

I got word from Renata. Chongo is reasonably lucid today, due to her keeping an eye on things last night. This speaks volumes for Renata's capabilities! I think she's the one who should be running for president.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 03:11 PM

I dunno, LH--the Great Tea Party of Little Hawk's Mind gets a little raucous sometimes...the regulars just call it TGTPOLHM for short..it's known to get cramped with all the mock-ups clamoring for attention. Can't get the bartender's attention to save your life. And some of those jadrools fancy themselves as tough guys, and often drink more than they should. You wouldn't think imaginary alcohol would do any harm, but when you're an imaginary character it goes straight to your head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 03:30 PM

... to your heads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 03:36 PM

You protest too much, Amos. I know that my fantasies are a treasured highlight of your every day, and that you go online frequently just to find out what will happen next in TGTPOLHM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 04:03 PM

"TGTPOLHM"

?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 04:19 PM

The Great Tea Party of Little Hawk's Mind, gnu. Pay attention, now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 04:26 PM

To LH's mind? Ere ye daft man? I dunna have that kinda time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 06:00 PM

Few do have that kind of time, gnu. Penelope Rutledge has it, technically speaking, but she chooses to spend it in other ways...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 06:18 PM

TGTPOLHM

Another one to try to remember thousands of posts from now. I hope someone is keeping a list. Maybe Eiseley took a few notes on her pass through MOABland?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 07:59 PM

Another one to remember is SPAWBDRASWW.

Look it up on the acronym thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:14 PM

I'm Declaring 3/22 "International Talk Like William Shatner Day"!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fJOaqsBXAc

In honor of William Shatner's 78th birthday tomorrow, 3/22/09, I, Maurice LaMarche, am declaring March 22nd to be "International Talk Like William Shatner Day!" (Hey, we have "International Talk Like a Pirate Day", and Shatner inspired a helluva lot more kids to be like Captain James T. Kirk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:14 PM

Oh the tales! I about laughed myself to pieces sometimes!

When I was visiting Amos a couple of months ago, I asked him to show me his new floor that I had read about seemingly only a few posts back. By then it was an OLD floor. The problem with reading MOAB so quickly is that it condenses time. It's a bit like meeting an author and saying something like "I loved what you said on page such and such." As if any author would remember page numbers!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:34 PM

Pretty good Shatner imitations, Amos! ;-) Not as good as Kevin Pollack, maybe, but darned good. March 22nd is going to be a day to remember as millions of people join in talking like William Shatner (at least, they will attempt to...few can master the technique).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:34 PM

Man, geeze oh pete, Amos!!!

You got beat out a friggin' monkey???

That is prolly worse than gettin' beat by yer own shadow... No matter, it's pathetic...

But I still love you, man...

Hey, there's always 5000000000 or so...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:45 PM

Drat! Iraq and the Japan earthquake/tsunami/meltdown distracted me from the important work of the world, the 40,000th post!

Whatever! I don't really care! What the f**k...

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 08:59 PM

More of that wonderful stuff!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 10:10 PM

The LIFE-CYCLE OF A BUTTERFLY

Butterflies and moths undergo complete metamorphosis in which they go through four different life stages.

    * Egg - A butterfly starts its life as an egg.
    * Larva - The larva (caterpillar) hatches from an egg and eats leaves or flowers almost constantly. The caterpillar molts (loses its old skin) many times as it grows.
    * Pupa - It turns into a pupa (chrysalis); this is a resting stage.
    * Adult - A beautiful, flying adult emerges. There is no growth during this stage. This adult will continue the cycle and reproduce.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM

If he was 78 on March 22 '09 then Shatner must be 80 this year, no?

"The King of Overacting for no apparent reason." good!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 11:10 PM

May you all migrate happily from pupa to butterfly at the earliest opportunity. I know I will...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 11:59 PM

Good Lord, I talked to Eiseley this evening as I was shuttling up from SLC and I talked about chrysalis and pupae. And I hadn't been on this thread since this morning.

There is only one, mind-shattering, explanation: I'm turning into Amos. No, that can't be because I created him. Hmmm...I'll have to think about this. Maybe I'll uncreate Amos...no, that wouldn't do because I am Kind and Merciful...well, I'll be home until the 17th now, so I have a couple of days (actually Eternities) to ponder on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 12:21 AM

Well put, Amos. Or...Rapparee? Well, either way, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 01:26 AM

Eiseley left off one stage, which occurs when an Adult butterfly flitters near a reflecting pond and evolves into a Narcissist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 10:29 AM

I've been compared to flowers many times. "Bloomin' idiot" is one such reference, as is "budding fool" and "skunk cabbage in the garden of life."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 01:33 PM

Life is often a confusion
Trials of force and loss and strife
And in such sorrows, some illusion
Can provide relief to life.
Just a bit of humorous magic
Lightens up a dreary scene
But too much, and it turns tragic;
You will soon see what I mean.

Five or ten of us together
Striving toward a distant line,
Carrying a ton of feathers
In a whirlwind of joint mind.
We were bowed, but all determined
We would have our Truth to say
Posting daily, for our teammates
Bound to reach that Forty Kay.

Near in sight our long sought candle!
As a team we struggled on!
Feeling sure we had a handle
On the prize we yearned to own.
Sure of step and with each other,
Bowed against the wind and time
Every man the next one's brother
Toward our goal we all did climb.

Then we felt the horrid shadow,
Then our blood did all run cold,
For we crossed a vein of fancy
Like the fairy tales of old.
There our wits were sore assaulted,
There our minds insulted flew
From some vile imagination
Crassest jeers and brickbats flew.

NOthing real was there to deal with
Just the vaporous world of fancy
Sour swearing, cut-rate cursing
Like some two-bit whorehouse nancy.
Like some slum kid in a frenzy
Torrents of not-much-to-say,
Mindless ranting, all imagined
Came between us and our Kay.

As we stood there, slimed and tired
Forty Kay was quickly snatched
By a scheming crackpot's dreaming
Of a frumious bandersnatch.
Conjured up a dirty monkey
Conjured up a low-life brat
Made them argue with each other
In a low-rent alley spat.

So, for all our composition
All our care and wit and style
All our insight, intuition
Friendly cheers and cheering smiles
All was wasted, turned to nothing
By this dingbat pixie dust
What was once a glorious triumph
He reduced to worthless dust.

But with grace, the prize was rendered
Let him have his dubious gain
With his worthless flea-bit monkey
And his boy with half a brain,
And his mindless has-been actor
And his hamster, and his Brits.
Who steals ouur Kay our hearts gains not, sir
Who steals our Kay inherits shit.



William Hearts Phrase-Merritt
Songs of Retribution and Exhaustion
Mileaux Traysch, Pub.
Flopping-on-Sand, Berks. 1893


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 02:03 PM

I feel your pain, Amos. ;-) Indeed, it is tragic when the frivolous and meaningless pursuit of a tiny number of individuals (2 or 3 of them perhaps?) is derailed by the frivolous and meaningless pursuit of another individual...but not to the result those former individuals had planned on! Tragic. Disturbing. Unsettling.

The chronically pretentious intellectual type usually reacts to such an unsettling event by churning out a great deal of verbose and floridly dramatic poetry to discharge his ruffled feelings, poetry so dramatic, in fact, that it would probably cause even William Shatner to blush. (or....maybe not?...not much can embarrass William Shatner)

But I digress. Let us return to the mad scribbler, the unsettled poet who delivers forth a flood of perfervid rhymes in which he bemoans the fact that a "monkey" has stolen his thunder. Note that he refuses to own up to his own authorship of those verses, but instead hides behind a fictional name, a fictional title, and a fictional publishing house! Well, that's about what we have come to expect of a man who cannot even distinguish a monkey from an ape. ;-D

You, sir, are a Jargonaut of the first ilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 02:20 PM

"Jargonaut"

Cooool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 04:26 PM

The first ilk of a jargonaut (assuming you know the words you use) must be I suppose an argonaut. Perhaps a wordy argonaut. Guilty!

You may presume to disrespect my language, sir, but my thoughts, vibrant and irresistible, will penetrate your fevered cranium regardless, and you will ponder the error of your ways.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 04:31 PM

And I should pass on to you sir, the most acrid rejoinders on the part of SIr William Phrase-Merritt, who thinks your efforts to trivialize his noble accomplishments as the Designated Poet to the House of Lancaster and the world-renowned "man who bested McGonagle" are slovenly, ill-mannered, ill-bred and low-caste at best. HE is writing letters to all of your upper-crust zBritish creations suggesting that they refuse any further association.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 06:25 PM

Ah- Ha! Ha! Ha! Kee-rist!

Wonderful replies, Amos! You may be the greatest Jargonaut of the 21st century, my good fellow. If not, well, you've gotta be close...

One passage you wrote (or wrought?) worries me, though. This one:

"my thoughts, vibrant and irresistible, will penetrate your fevered cranium regardless"

It sounds pretty suggestive to me, but with a couple of key words changed, that's all. Have you been watching those "funny" videos again, after hours?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 08:45 PM

For all posterity I hereby place this link,
To tell the fascists all just what I think.
They may be white or not, or far or near,
They be overseas or working here.
But small or large their hanky panky
Russian, Arab, Deutsch or Yankee
Is no joyride for this taxi dancer
And so I record here my final answer.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 09:46 PM

Ah'm still a-shootin' at both sides, come the revolution. All I want is a good, solid, middle-of-the-road dictatorship with me as head of the secret police.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 10:46 AM

All right, now. Every one stand back.


I'm going to try


SCIENCE!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 11:55 AM

Amos, all I can conclude is better to be a jargonaut than a whirling derivation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 02:13 PM

I concur wholeheartedly, Still!! At least a jargonaut strives for new horizons. A whirling derivation just goes around in circles while claiming to be enlightened...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 03:34 PM

SRS... hahahahaaaa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 11 - 04:15 PM

Okay, I tried SCIENCE!! Now there is a large hole in the middle of the third fairway; it's about 15 feet deep and 40 feet across. Smoke is still rising from it and there are a lot of cops and firefighters there.

SCIENCE!! is really neat!


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