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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Eliza 25 Apr 11 - 04:13 PM
gnu 25 Apr 11 - 05:37 PM
Amos 25 Apr 11 - 05:45 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 11 - 07:16 PM
Eiseley 25 Apr 11 - 08:04 PM
Amos 25 Apr 11 - 08:33 PM
Acme 25 Apr 11 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 11 - 10:06 PM
Eiseley 26 Apr 11 - 12:01 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Apr 11 - 12:16 AM
Rapparee 26 Apr 11 - 10:05 AM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 11 - 11:50 AM
Amos 26 Apr 11 - 11:58 AM
Amos 26 Apr 11 - 11:58 AM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 11 - 12:33 PM
Amos 26 Apr 11 - 01:48 PM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 11 - 02:11 PM
Amos 26 Apr 11 - 03:26 PM
GUEST,freds 26 Apr 11 - 03:48 PM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 11 - 04:48 PM
gnu 26 Apr 11 - 04:57 PM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 11 - 05:03 PM
Acme 26 Apr 11 - 05:29 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 11 - 10:17 AM
Eiseley 27 Apr 11 - 12:54 PM
Amos 27 Apr 11 - 01:35 PM
Amos 27 Apr 11 - 02:44 PM
Amos 27 Apr 11 - 03:28 PM
Acme 27 Apr 11 - 04:38 PM
GUEST,Postewaithe A. Beowulf 27 Apr 11 - 08:27 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 11 - 09:41 PM
Acme 27 Apr 11 - 11:05 PM
Eiseley 27 Apr 11 - 11:46 PM
Amos 28 Apr 11 - 12:15 AM
Acme 28 Apr 11 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 11 - 10:11 AM
Amos 28 Apr 11 - 12:43 PM
Amos 28 Apr 11 - 02:44 PM
Amos 28 Apr 11 - 02:45 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 11 - 04:24 PM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 28 Apr 11 - 04:58 PM
gnu 28 Apr 11 - 05:50 PM
Acme 28 Apr 11 - 09:37 PM
GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers 29 Apr 11 - 10:43 AM
Amos 29 Apr 11 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 11 - 02:22 PM
Amos 29 Apr 11 - 02:49 PM
gnu 29 Apr 11 - 03:02 PM
Amos 29 Apr 11 - 11:00 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 11 - 11:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 04:13 PM

It's amazing how this thread grows! Technically, is there a limit to the number it can hold? And do I get a prize for being number 40,500? A large cheque would be acceptable. As we only get 0.5 megabytes here in deepest Norfolk UK, things take an age to load. (Actually, I haven't a clue what megabytes mean, i'm just quoting our Parish magazine on that one!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 05:37 PM

"Technically, is there a limit to the number it can hold?"

Posts? No. Egos? It's getting very close to it's limit. There could be a magnitude 10 on the Sphincter Scale any moment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 05:45 PM

Ah, Mizz 'Liza, I shore nuff didn't mean to be no confrontational. I is orful sorry.

I have recently had the great delight of unearthing earl;y Heinlein masterpieces ands am pleased to discover his timeless characters are alive and well, waiting only for me to open the cover of th ebook to spring into full active being. Right now I am following the fascinating adventures of the beggar's slave boy who escapes Sargon on a star-jump freighter.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 07:16 PM

Would you like me to tell you how that comes out, Amos? See, Thorby is really the Sargon's heir and was forced to wear that iron mask when he was kidnapped by Basalam the Begger, who is the Sargon's evil twin and is secretly working to overthrow the benevolent Sargonese monarchy and replace it with...oh, I don't want to spoil the ending for you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 08:04 PM

Amos, at my house when I was growing up we had three Heinlein books: Citizen of the Galaxy; Time for the Stars; and Have Spacesuit, Will Travel. I probably read each one ten times, at least. Enjoy!

Rap, I have a nice mountain ash in the side yard. Its bright berries attract flocks of cedar waxwings. It is also a medicinal tree in Ukraine. One day at the library a gal from Ukraine was describing the tree to me (she didn't know the English name for it) and when I told her I had one in the garden she came over to my house and gathered berries and leaves. She has become a good friend and brings me delicious treats and homemade soap---all for the sake of my little ash tree.

Welcome, Eliza.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 08:33 PM

MWahahaha...so typically Rapparree--a sprinkle of solid data mixed in with a fistful of greasy invention. Sigh...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 09:54 PM

Eliza, it has everything to do with the tone of voice in your head with which you read any post in this thread. No one was being a rottweiler. We did have to chase off MartinGibson a couple of times, though, and then a rottweiler would have been handy. As I recall, we sicked the freds on him.

I was here earlier, but forgot to leave a few breadcrumbs. I'm back now, working and taking a break. Setting a good example for the rest of you.

Eiseley, are the plans firmly in place for you to stay put in Idaho over graduation, or do you think you might pull a rabbit out of your hat at the last minute? Or maybe the plumber will forget to cash the check? (That actually happened to me once - but that's a long story and in case he's reading here, I don't want to remind him that I owe him $250.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 10:06 PM

You know, I changed my name because Amos couldn't spell it and kept carping on it. Now he still spells it wrong, with 2 pees, 3 ares, and 2 ees.

R-A-P-P-A-R-E-E

(without the dashes) is how it is spelled, good Amoss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 12:01 AM

At least we can all pronounce it correctly now. What do you prefer: correct pronunciation or correct spelling?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 12:16 AM

Amos persists in mispellin' yer name for one of three reasons, Rapparee.

1. He don't respect you.
2. He's an agent of Satan.
3. He gets paid to harass you by yer enemies in the library trade.
4. All of the above.

;-D Ook! Ook! I'm goin' for number 4. I like the sense of drama.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 10:05 AM

Chongo, you missed the obvious reason: he can't spell worth a damn and ignores spell-checkers because they make his writing "too mechanical".

As for spelling vs. pronunciation, I see no reason why Amus could not, with a lot of hard work, achieve both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 11:50 AM

I think you've hit on the crux of the problem, Rap...it would require "hard work"! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 11:58 AM

Mushheads, the lot of you!! Rapparee spent a lot of time and energy insisting he was entitled to spell his name any way he wanted and make us pronounce it anyway he said; when this petty-minded tyranny was rejected in favor of a higher standard, he bitched and whines and calumniated all over town. Finally he yielded to Reason. Now he wants to complain because someone takes liberty with his arbitrary spelling? Pish-tush!! This from the High Plagiarist and First Asymptote of MOAB? Mom's own little solipsist? Oh, fie, fie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 11:58 AM

Mushheads, the lot of you!! Rapparee spent a lot of time and energy insisting he was entitled to spell his name any way he wanted and make us pronounce it anyway he said; when this petty-minded tyranny was rejected in favor of a higher standard, he bitched and whines and calumniated all over town. Finally he yielded to Reason. Now he wants to complain because someone takes liberty with his arbitrary spelling? Pish-tush!! This from the High Plagiarist and First Asymptote of MOAB? Mom's own little solipsist? Oh, fie, fie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 12:33 PM

You can say that again... (snicker) Oh, wait...you already did.

"petty-minded tyrant"! Dear me. I fear we may be careening toward another threatened duel as the rhetoric heats up here.

But, wait! As the Master and Creator of All That Is, Rapparee must have already decided to make Amos say those intemperate things! So all is unfolding as Rapparee desires. Truly, HE works in mysterious ways, HIS wonders to perform!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 01:48 PM

I am completely sure that Rapparee had no part in getting me to say anythihng.

Anyway, I never did get an answer, LH, on my question abount the source-hood of endowed postulated entities.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 02:11 PM

It's not easy to say "anythihng"...and get the pronunciation exactly right to include that extra "h". It's subtle. Most people can't master it.

No one except you, Amos, would even bother to ask a question abount (sic) the source-hood of endowed postulated entities.

Why should you expect an answer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 03:26 PM

Oh, I don't know--basic courtesy? The Code of MOAB? To avoid me pulling out your canines?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 03:48 PM

Do these canines have quality DNA?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 04:48 PM

The Code of MOAB! Oh, yes. I had forgotten about that.

Okay, hold your breath please, Amos, while I am formulating the answer to your question. I shall be back shortly. (in an hour or so)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 04:57 PM

A... "To avoid me pulling out your canines?"

Don't be fuckin with LH's weeny dogs. It's against code.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 05:03 PM

My canines are likely to bite any stranger who attempts to molest them. Be warned, Amos! They will begin by trying to merely drive you away (or insane) with their usual barking frenzy, but if things escalate beyond there and get physical, I can make no promise that you will not sustain serious injury. Dachshunds may be on the small side, but they have very strong jaws. Pull them at your peril.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 05:29 PM

Typos are wonderful, aren't they?

Eiseley, is there still no chance you might make it down for graduation?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 10:17 AM

Eiseley's been celebrating early, up at the Legion Hovel. Being a gentleman I cannot comment further except to say that thrice in the last week I've had to make bail for her and she's currently been released into the custody of her parents. It was either that or the State Hospital in Blackfoot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 12:54 PM

Alas no, I won't be making it down your way, Stilly. I do want to go to Denton at some point, but not right soon. Thank you for your offered hospitality, though.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 01:35 PM

THe sons of MOAB misbehave,
They pout and make mad faces
But still they know deep down within
They are not separate races;
And with their inner ears, they hear
Their Mother's hypostasis.

It's Mom for me and Mom for you
And "Mother beatific"
For well we know, we will stay true
To her higher metaphysic!


Oh some there are who do not ken
THe light within our mess
Who cannot grok the Inner Truth
Hidden in our BS!
For none's as blind as will not see,
No sin needs more confessing
As not to see the truth within
The bawdiest B.S.ing!

It's Mom for me and Mom for you
And "Mother beatific"
For well we know, we will stay true
To her higher metaphysic!


And so to prove the rights of things
And Mom's light beatific
We only need to point at her
Remarkable statistic!
No thread in TIme has half the strength
Or half the loyal traces
And therefore, friends, a hearty toast
To Mother's hypostasis!

It's Mom for me and Mom for you
And "Mother beatific"
For well we know, we will stay true
To her higher metaphysic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 02:44 PM

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 03:28 PM

Talent develops in tranquillity, character in the full current of MOAB.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 04:38 PM

Absolutely! May I quote you on that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Postewaithe A. Beowulf
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 08:27 PM

Wasn't Goethe a Geet? I believe Goethe was a great Geet, but was made the fault for all Germanic sins and without his writings would have been an insignificant insect -- Goethe, the Great Germanic Geet Goat Gnat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 09:41 PM

Stilly, may I quote YOU on that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 11:05 PM

Here's a challenge - the way you guys crank out the poetry, you might want to enter this drawing for a free computer. It's an education site, so it might be best for those who actually teach or work in schools or other public institutions (like libraries, for example) to enter. From now till Friday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 11:46 PM

What a great challenge! I'll bet Amos could win easily. Maybe I'll even try my hand at it. Thanks, Stilly!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 12:15 AM

“Are there any restrictions?”

Other than having a pulse, and submitting a poem about technology in the comments, there are no other restrictions. Anyone that has a valid shipping address or P.O. box anywhere around the world can enter. Lenovo and Ivy Worldwide have partnered to make sure that all can participate.
“How will the Winner Be Chosen?”

The winner of the contest will be chosen at random using the Random.org True Random Number Generator. You don’t have to write great poetry to win, but it sure would be nice to read your best effort! Leaving a comment won’t be good enough, you have to write a technology poem to enter. While you may submit more than one poem, you are only allowed one entry per person, so multiple submissions will only count as one entry. The contest ends at 9pm EST on April 29th, and the winner will be announced the following morning on Saturday, April 30th.

What are you waiting for?"

From above site. Unfortunately my glib profundity gets all shriveled when called upon to perform in public...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 09:10 AM

There might be a germane sonnet extant in MOAB already, don't you think? Go back and read the last 40,000+ and see if you can find one. By Friday. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 10:11 AM

I've already started, but kinda get bogged down:

Shall I compare technology to a summer's day?
All hot, frustrating, and full of annoying bugs?


Show me a river, show me a dump,
Show me a place to throw this piece of goddamn junk....


Yet let me flap this thing of gilded wings
This semiconductor child that stinks and stings
Whose buzz the witty and the fair annoys
Yet with ne'er tastes and is often but a toy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 12:43 PM

I wrote a long song about the Devil and The CPU at one time, and recorded it using the sound track from "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" as background. Dunno where it is now--maybe in the Mudcat Songbook.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 02:44 PM

HEre are Lin in Kansas' lyrics:

Well, the Devil went down to Georgia
He was workin' on a hacker's deal
He was on a roll stealin' PC's souls
Makin' virus scanners reel.
When he came across this young man surfin'
On the Web for interesting spots
And he slid in the wires and turned on the fires
And gave that kid the hots.

Ole Devil twisted and the kid's hand jerked
And without any hesitations
Next thing he knew he was witness to
Unspeakable abominations!
Buns and boobs and raunchy scenes
He'd never imagined before
Flashed across his screen while he turned pea-green
And his jaw dropped to the floor.

Devil whispered soft, "I can show you where
A million of these are.
You can spend your days in a horny haze
With porno movie stars!
All you have to do is buy a new drive
With a gig of storage or two
Load this small pro-gram that takes over your RAM
And let it talk to you."

But the kid was brave and he heard the lure
In old Satan's silky tone.
Though his brain was steamin' from mad wild dreamin'
And his groin was molten stone,
He yanked that plug from the surge protector
Picked up his PC and ran
Straight out of the house (draggin' the mouse)
And tossed it in the can.

The Devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat.
And he laid a golden CD
On the ground at the young man's feet.
He said, "You've won this round for sure,"
Then he grinned an evil grin.
"But watch out boy, there's more'n one ploy
To lead you into sin."

The kid picked up the gold CD
And he spun it in the sun.
He told Old Scratch to take a hike
And find some other fun.
Then he broke that CD across his knee
And handed the pieces back.
Said "Take your minions with you Devil,
I'm switchin' to a Mac!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 02:45 PM

Actually, the lyrics were by Lin of Kansas. My apologies!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 04:24 PM

And I'm constantly accused of plagiarism!

Because I could not stop for Tech,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And all Technology.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My iPod, and my Kindle too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
To understand this thing;
We passed the fields of gazing cows,
Which looked like Gateway's thing.

Or rather, they passed us;
The drives grew quivering and chill,
For virus-laden were my drives,
And my read heads soon were still.

We paused before a server room
That seemed all safe and sound;
But then came the shrieking of a drive
As it ground its bearings down.

Since then 'tis centuries, or so it seems
Frustration builds each day
As we await the Service Reps
And head toward eternity.


    --Emilee Lou Diekinson, The Hanging Of The Sys Admin And Other Stuff (Roy, UT: Jolly Time Press, 1897)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 04:58 PM

Haw, haw, haw, Rapparee. You really tickled my funnybone. Emily came and showed a bunch of us your poem and she could hardly talk for laughing. John Milton snorted nectar up his septum and Paracelsus had to whack him on the back before he lost a lung. Thanks for the laugh!

Al


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 05:50 PM

I can relate to Al's amusement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 09:37 PM

These are very clever. Far more clever than the contest folks are probably expecting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 10:43 AM

I will be leading a Prayer March to the gaol in Sudbury, Ontario this evening. We will spend the week-end praying and singing hymns for the salvation of the soul of Mr. Shane Mcbride. You are all welcome to join us in this Holy and Christian Crusade. Simply gather at the gaol this evening at 6 p.m. You might wish to bring a warm coat or a blanket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 01:46 PM

But don't bring a wet blanket as the church group has already committed to providing one.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 02:22 PM

March? It's nearly May. Lead a Prayer May.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 02:49 PM

Hurray, t'will be the First of May
When outdoor sex is seen by day!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 03:02 PM

My bro had a different version...

Hurray, hurray!
It's the first of May.
Outdoor fucking
Begins today!

Of course, these wouldn't apply in Calleeforneeahh would they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 11:00 PM

Yes, I altered the words in anticipatory excitement, I confess.

California is already blessed with temperate weather but I cannot attest to the presence or absence of outdoor sex.


S


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 11 - 11:02 PM

I awakened to snow. I endured various snow showers today. Also a bit of rain and sleet. I have to cut the back lawn but won't be able to do so until probably Monday at the earliest.

Lordy, I might as well live in New Brunswick or Ontario or Nunavit or somewhere!


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Mudcat time: 27 April 6:02 PM EDT

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