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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 17 Aug 11 - 11:44 PM
Acme 18 Aug 11 - 12:00 AM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 01:26 AM
Amos 18 Aug 11 - 10:17 AM
Amos 18 Aug 11 - 11:35 AM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 12:23 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 12:31 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 12:43 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 12:54 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 11 - 01:02 PM
Amos 18 Aug 11 - 01:51 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 02:23 PM
Amos 18 Aug 11 - 02:29 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 02:53 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 02:54 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 03:11 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 03:16 PM
Amos 18 Aug 11 - 05:36 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 05:58 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 11 - 12:03 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 11 - 12:49 AM
JennyO 19 Aug 11 - 06:40 AM
Amos 19 Aug 11 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 11 - 12:51 PM
Amos 19 Aug 11 - 01:33 PM
gnu 19 Aug 11 - 02:22 PM
Amos 19 Aug 11 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 11 - 11:48 PM
JennyO 20 Aug 11 - 08:19 AM
Rapparee 20 Aug 11 - 07:13 PM
gnu 20 Aug 11 - 08:06 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 12:01 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 11 - 11:59 AM
Acme 21 Aug 11 - 02:19 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 02:24 PM
gnu 21 Aug 11 - 02:43 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM
Acme 21 Aug 11 - 03:19 PM
gnu 21 Aug 11 - 06:17 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 10:55 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 22 Aug 11 - 09:33 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 22 Aug 11 - 09:34 AM
Acme 22 Aug 11 - 11:51 AM
Amos 22 Aug 11 - 11:55 AM
gnu 22 Aug 11 - 01:48 PM
gnu 22 Aug 11 - 03:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 11 - 11:44 PM

As we drove along the Columbia River Gorge I was thinking of Woody's song, "Roll on, Columbia." He told it to, and it has been doing it for years and years. I wonder if Woody could have parted the Red Sea and led the workers into the Promise Land.

Tomorrow we shall visit Mt. St. Helen's, where I shall endeavor to avoid being tossed into the volcano as a sacrifice to Pele.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:00 AM

Last time I climbed St. Helen's there was a whole bunch more to it. But that part blew off and was rearranged.

Takin' the youngun' to school again soon. Pardon the placement of my apostrophes. Not sure about that second one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 01:26 AM

Amos - Skewer you he shall. Painful will it be. Warned you we have.

(More Yoda-speak! Gotta love it...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 10:17 AM

To you both nuts, friends dear. Afraid not I am. Only truth I speak. On my side is righteousness. What they all say, that's.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 11:35 AM

The boat I dream about, the pinky schooner Rosermary Ruth, is on the hard in a little river port town on the banks of the Hudson River, somewhat south of the Erie Canal.

Her owner, a bold seadog adventurer named Richard Hudson himself, aboard his own schooner the Issuma, has just fulfilled a life-long goal to reach the coast of Greenland. He had wintered last year in a harbor near Toronto, sailed over to New York when the ice broke up, made his way in early Spring up the Saint Lawrence seaway and sailed out past the bulk of Nova Scotia, stopping for repairs in a godforsaken little port in Labrador, and then crossing the Labrador Sea and the Davis Strait to Greenland.

Now he has taken the Issuma up the pleasant shores of Greenland from the Labrador Sea into Baffin Bay, while the seasonal high-pressure system remains in place, and has crossed into the beginning reaches of the famous Northwest Passage, sailing just under Devon Island into Bellot Strait as though determined to reach the cold Kamchatka sea by sailing west among the thousands of rocky islands and polar-bear homes that line those forlorn shores. He will probably not go west all the way though, as September will bring the end of the Greenland High system and the onset of frozen winds and rougher waters above the Arctic circle. He is close enough to the North Pole at present that his magnetic comapsses are now useless. He is a savvy sailor and I expect he will be back in New York before the onset of winter, but he keeps his plans close-hauled and does not discuss them.

You can follow his Arctic sailing adventures here where he posts pictures and an occasional writeup of his journeys.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:23 PM

Carried this Yoda-speak a bit too far, you have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:31 PM

39 large?!!! BUY IT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:43 PM

Or, should I say... STEAL IT!!!!

Just had a detailed read. Wow. Whatta noice dory b'y! I just can't believe the price.

If ya buy it, get a spare set of bearings for the Dorade-type ventilators and keep the existing ones well maintained. Them SOBs can keep ya up all night when they start to let go. Drive ya nuts on deck the rest of the day too I suppose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:54 PM

That schooner is a beauty, Amos. I can well understand your fondness for it. Do you have much sailing experience?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 01:01 PM

I expect he does, LH. But, if not, with his kinda money he could buy it and hire a couple a bosoms ta sail it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 01:02 PM

Magellan around the world who do you think piloted? Amos. Piloted "Hespurus" also he did. Had total command of Persian fleet at Salamis Amos did. Also on "Terror" and "Erebus" he was as navigator.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 01:51 PM

My sailing experience is limited but I would undertake to refine it seriously before I went into deepwater on my own. Gnu, thanks--you and a few others who understand from the description what a wonderful opportunity the RR is have kept me sane amidst a sea of misgivingsd offered by those who do not know the sea and ships.

I spent a number of years at sea running ships of various sizes (150-350 feet) but they were large, heavy powered vessels. I have sailed small craft all my life, but that is not sufficient knowledge to undertake the magic of a 40' schooner.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:23 PM

It's really a lovely vessel. I guess you'd need a crew of maybe 3 people to handle it? If you did buy it, Amos, would you plan on sailing it to California? (through the Panama Canal, I would assume, not around Cape Horn)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:29 PM

"His kinda money"? Gnu, do you have some dreamy idea I am rolling in dough? LOL!!!!

As for RR, it's not imPOSSible, but....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:53 PM

A.... ye live in Calleeforneeahhhh, the land of the rich and richer. I assume if I had your money, I would burn mine.

And WHY did nobody pick up on my tit joke? C'mon eh? That was a good joke. What? Are you all so oneupmanship you can't give credit where credit is due? GeezeOH eh? At least a simple haha pat on the back?

Yeah... quitting smoking is rough. Makes one teste. Why do you ask? Don't ask again. Yer pissin me off with all these questions. I can't deal with this kinda stress. I need a month an a schooner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:54 PM

Did you note that Rapparee has suggested you were in command of the Persian fleet at Salamis? Methinks he is pulling your beard, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM

One teste is better than none at all, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 03:11 PM

Are you suggestin I am nuts? What's yer problem?

They said "irritability" might be a side effect. IRRITABILITY? REALLY? YA THINK SO? Repeat that just one more rep ya... in thru the nose, out thru the mouth... I am the hill... fer fuck sake... I ammmm the hillll... ahhhh

I need a smoke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 03:16 PM

I'm sayin' that you might be a couple short of a 6-pack, but that's still way better than havin' NO BEER AT ALL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 05:36 PM

Actually, because the sail plan is so divided up into small areas, she can be single-handed comfortably enough, if you don't mind going without sleep. Or catching ten-minute snoozes for a week at a stretch.

LH, there are numerous options of which the Canal is one. There is also a path across the top, you know, although RR is not really cut out for Arctic weather the way that the Issuma is. Then there is the simple expedient of pulling her sticks and shipping her over, for example, from Brownsville or Pensacola, or Vera Cruz. Neither Drake's Passage nor the Straits of Magellan appeal to me whatsoever. I like the idea of the Canal, or even wintering her in Halifax.

I've always had a fascinated fondness for charts and maps. They lead to such fancies!!!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 05:58 PM

There ya go, A. Anchor her in Halifax. Cruise the coast and take yer Capers on as crew. Even is the bosuns don't have bosoms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:03 AM

I think wintering the RR in Halifax would be a great idea, Amos. It would give you reason to visit the East in the summertime and do a bit of pleasant sailing over this way, then head back to sunny Socal when the snow comes. Hopefully, your novel will become a bestseller shortly and enable you to live the life of an intinerant gentleman of leisure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:49 AM

Gentleman? AND Captain of a ship? You're kidding, right? Franklin was the last gentleman captain and look where it got him.

Amos is of the flog-'em-all-daily school of seamanship. Why, once when he was flogging the cabin boy he ran ashoal at 16°46′33″N / 3°00′34″W, a terrible fate for such a great navigator. Of course, he got off when the tide came in. A neap tide it was, and lifted his ship right off the shoal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 06:40 AM

And WHY did nobody pick up on my tit joke? C'mon eh? That was a good joke. What? Are you all so oneupmanship you can't give credit where credit is due? GeezeOH eh? At least a simple haha pat on the back?

I picked up on it all right, but I couldn't believe my eyes ;)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 09:35 AM

16‹46Œ33N , 3‹00Œ34W? Odd place to run ashoal-        -Askia Mohamed Blvd, Timbuktu, Mali. This may have been a hashish dream on your part. If you meant South lat you are sitting in the Angola Basin without a shoal in sight or in deep water off the coast of West Africa...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:51 PM

North it was. I wasn't running the ship, you, Amos, was. Boats I've navigated have never run aground.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 01:33 PM

Rapparree, your data is so removed from reality that it would give somebody a bad trip just to download it. Really, man, get a grip, put down the opium pipe, leave the squalid Chinese dope den and return to the safe and sober bosom of your family. I beg you. The clock in the steeple strikes two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 02:22 PM

JennyO... you couldn't believe that Oy loikes tits? I just can't believe that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 11:02 PM

Alas,our rancorous and contumacious squabbles have depressed the spirits of our Sainted Mither.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 11:48 PM

I had a mither once, but my brother ran it aground on the Shoals of Herring. Terrible wreck. He was lost at sea for literally hours and thought he'd have to cut off his own arm so he'd have something to eat. Fortunately the Coast Guard and some other boaters rescued him, helping him push off the sandbar before he had to start drinking his own urine for water. The mither was lost, stove in, never to sail again. For many years it was used as a navigational aid on the Mississippi until the Great Flood of '37 swept it away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:19 AM

Gnu, being the innocent that Oy am, Oy couldna believe such references in such an erudite piece of work, like wot this 'ere MOAB is. Mother would be shocked! So would Mither.

Oy loikes tits too, but they are like Liz's tits - blue, great, coal and marsh. They comes to our bird feeder in Zummerzet, just outside our bedroom window, so they get quite close. You might say we are bosom buddies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 07:13 PM

I like the Grand Tetons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:06 PM

Oh, I birdwatch. The feathered ones. But I really like the other ones, the ones with tits. Sorry, but I celeb(r)ated my tenth anniversary two days ago and it was at least three years before that I saw any, ah, er, birds. Maybe that's part of the reason I go Wildebeeste sometimes. Not enough stress relief.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM

Had fresh grilled oysters for dinner. Quite tasty. They came from as much as 15 miles away, from Brady's Oysters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 12:01 AM

I am sure Mrs Brady is very disappointed that you made off with Brady's oysters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:59 AM

We went by there and there were lots of them hanging on a fence in the water (the tide was out).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:19 PM

MOM! I'm home, after testing the tolerance of the Texas highway patrol and sheriff's offices for their tolerance of middle-aged mothers taking sons to college via the Interstate Highway system. No fines, just warnings. I'm back home again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:24 PM

Good job, Still!! WElcome home, one and all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:43 PM

I suppose you batted those pretty eyes and drawled, "It's just soooo hot officer. Almost as hot as you."

Never works for ME, of course. I get questions like "Have you been drinking today, Mr. Owens?" Even when I try to be nice by saying "Not yet." and offer to have them join me in having a cold one they still get pissy. It is said the RCMP always get their man. Hey, maybe if I dressed up in drag they might be a little more friendly?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM

Dear Mr Owens:

It has been brought to our attention that you have made public utterances concerning a possible intent to wander the streets and byroads of our fair Province wearing "drag" outfits in an effort to sway the duly appointed officers of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police from the concise and timely fulfillment of their appointed duties in enforcing the laws of vehicle operation on said roads and streets.

Be advised that it is the collective opinion of those said officers familiar with your history in conducting such vehicles on said roads that this plan, if allowed to proceed, would constitute an environmental disaster, and a threat to the well-being both mental and emotional of the citizens of said Province, and a threat to public order and the peacefgul pursuits of lawful business therein.

We therefore wish to place you on formal notice that any gesture on your part to execute said intent will be considered as a hostile act and prosecuted as a felony under the Public Safety Act, a decree which unanimously supported by the individual officers aforementioned.
Please consider this as a final warning in this matter.

Sincerely yours,


Commander Robert L. Preston
Chief of Operations
Royal Canadian Mounted Police, N.B. D.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 03:19 PM

A tear in the eye works wonders!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:17 PM

Dear Mr. Jessup:

Sergeant Renfrew and his loyal dog Cuddles of the Royal Mounted salute your "Sir Preston", albeit a paltry imitaion, as do The Speicial Eds, the finest Newfoundland has to offer, if I may say so. However, your impersonation of a Royal Mounted officer is a far more severe an offense than the dress-up allegedly proposed by Mr. Owens. Please abate yor impersonation forthwith or we shall have the Special Eds investigate the possibility of sending Sgt. Renfrew and his faithful dog Cuddles ta chew yer ass big time.

Crap! Can't find any relevant clips... too bad!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:55 PM

Dear Mr. Owens:

In light of your inability to produce substantiating information, I am forced tyo consider your forged correspondence from the "Royal Canadian Mounted Police" and all reference to Special Eds as a political parody at best if not some sort of illegal phishing attempt. Please be advised your Internet Service Provider has been advised and monitoring of all messages from an MAC address identified with your immediate geographical location may be monitored in the interests of national security.

Cmdr. R. Preston
New Brunswick Division
RCMP


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 PM

P.S. Be advised the New Brunswick Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) - or "J" Division - does not deal lightly with repeat offenders, or with offenders of public codes of decency, or with public displays of perversion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:33 AM

Hello Folks,
Here I am in humid Georgia. It's like one huge party here: movies every night, dinners all together, cousins everywhere. Now I'm going to take a walk in the woods. On a walk this morning I found a wild pear tree and ate a pear for breakfast. I haven't seen any cottonmouths yet.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:34 AM

41800!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 11:51 AM

Good for you, Eiseley, on the pear and bagging the number. Keep up the good work, and watch where you're walking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 11:55 AM

Well seized, Ms Eiseley!! Georgia?? You mean the one in the SE US? Why on earth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 01:48 PM

She's a peach.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 03:34 PM

Them there Yella Stripes don't scare any good ol boys down home what ain't done nuthin wrong.

Fact is, ya got yer Blue Jays and yer Grey Jays and yer Yella Js. The Yella Js what fly around lookin fer yer Marypain this time a year is birdbrained anywhay on accounta they will soon be swoopin down on yer big patches what was planted ta keep em busy while the real crops are picked and flicked. Now, some say they are part of the plan but I think them lads is plain stunned as me arse. Orrr, maybe they do they know the general public is clooless an they are in on it... but, I kinda doubt it on accounta most a them come from yer western Canada and yer westerners ain't what we call fully torked eh?

I likes Grey Jays (Moose Birds) best maself. Now, if them Yella Stripes could train a Moose Bird ta find yer Lambkill like I trained em ta find partridge... nah, they ain't got the smarts a yer Moose Bird.

Minds me... I must take a drive up country to a set a lumber roads I haven't been on in years. Back in my MJ days, I scattered HUNDREDS of seeds one day... Mexican Red Hair, Accupuncture Gold, Tied To A Stick... I'll bet the deer are fried man.


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