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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 01 Sep 11 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 11 - 10:18 AM
Rapparee 02 Sep 11 - 02:37 PM
gnu 02 Sep 11 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 11 - 06:01 PM
Acme 02 Sep 11 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 11 - 07:14 PM
Acme 02 Sep 11 - 07:58 PM
Amos 02 Sep 11 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 11 - 09:20 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 11 - 09:23 PM
Amos 02 Sep 11 - 10:22 PM
Eiseley 02 Sep 11 - 11:45 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 11 - 12:55 AM
Acme 03 Sep 11 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 11 - 11:08 AM
Amos 03 Sep 11 - 01:11 PM
gnu 03 Sep 11 - 01:37 PM
Amos 03 Sep 11 - 02:43 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 11 - 05:12 PM
gnu 03 Sep 11 - 06:24 PM
Acme 03 Sep 11 - 07:44 PM
Amos 03 Sep 11 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 11 - 11:17 AM
gnu 04 Sep 11 - 12:14 PM
Amos 04 Sep 11 - 03:31 PM
gnu 04 Sep 11 - 03:44 PM
Amos 04 Sep 11 - 03:47 PM
Amos 04 Sep 11 - 05:29 PM
gnu 04 Sep 11 - 05:42 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 11 - 10:34 PM
Amos 04 Sep 11 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 11 - 11:26 PM
Amos 05 Sep 11 - 01:51 AM
Rapparee 05 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM
gnu 05 Sep 11 - 01:07 PM
Amos 05 Sep 11 - 07:24 PM
gnu 05 Sep 11 - 07:42 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 11 - 10:07 PM
Acme 05 Sep 11 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 11 - 11:09 PM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 11 - 09:40 AM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 11:33 AM
Acme 06 Sep 11 - 12:05 PM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM
Acme 06 Sep 11 - 02:36 PM
gnu 06 Sep 11 - 03:25 PM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 11 - 11:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 10:40 PM

Only seven bills. But some of them were for the first half of the vacation, and Pat's trip to Philadelphia and NYC, and...well, my bank account is less than it was a few hours ago.

So here I sit, a poor but honest child of poor but honest parents, where I learned poverty and honesty, and now I have to keep Mom sober and upright.

Good thing I was out of town the other night when they elected Sawdust to the position of Likker Kentrol Sarjent Majer. He's a teetotaler (dry as sawdust, hence his name) and cut down on the size of the drinks served up at the Hovel. Now, if you can't walk up to the bar and say "Gimme a whiskey, barkeep, pretty please with sugar on" and you aren't given a full bottle, bad things are likely to happen. Sawdust, however, is 6'8" tall and carries 289 pounds of pure muscle and mean. Henry Not Hank once plugged him six times in the stomach with a .45 and the bullets just bounced off the muscles there (HNH isn't with us anymore -- not dead, just thrown so far away he can't get back). So nobody is complaining about LKSM Sawdust yet, but there is talk of a recall election because the next thing on his agenda is to serve whiskey in Royal Doulton teacups (rosebud pattern), which you'll have to drink with your pinky in the air and some of the people, like Rosey Marie, have had their pinkies bitten off in a fight or something and don't have anything to raise, which means they couldn't get a drink and that could lead to bloodshed and worse. We'll see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 10:18 AM

Yup, bloodshed. The Bloodmobile was up at the Hovel last night, collecting. They like the blood up there because of the alcohol content -- they use it for victims of hypothermia and frostbite and it thaws the person, place, or thing right out, especially since they light it going in. Also, it doesn't refreeze. There WAS the time that the denizens got the bloodmobile and the bookmobile confused, though. Several of them laid down on the floor of the bookmobile and shouted, "Go ahead, take my blood as well as my money!" thinking it was a joke on the phlebotomists. Folks thought that the library had raised the fines A LOT and didn't visit the bookmobile OR the library for several weeks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 02:37 PM

Well Mom, it looks like it's just you and me now. I see your hundred and raise another hundred.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 03:00 PM

I'll see that and call. Is that how it goes? I dunno anything about poker. The card game. I got five aces. Do I win?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 06:01 PM

No, you get shot. By Mom; I'm peaceable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 06:51 PM

I didn't get to take the day off like I planned. I'm glad the retiring and peaceful Rapparee was here to keep you bouyant!

So, what do you have planned for the weekend? Any neighborhood barbecues? (None here, I'm not burning anything outside, fire danger is set at "kindling.")


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 07:14 PM

Gonna go see "Bodies" on Sunday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 07:58 PM

Hmmm. Another Very Large Number approaches. . . Rap, why don't you go back and read the entire thread and see if anyone had dibs on 42,000? You're the only one at home with spare time on your hands, being retired and all. Thanks! Let us all know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 08:48 PM

Rapp:

Well go ahead, you self-indulgent narcissistic jadrool. AS if you didn't spend enough time seeing bodies already. In the house, outside, sitting in cars, jogging down paths, jammed into crowds at the mall and the airport, bodies, bodies, bodies. It's as if the world were made of seeing-eye dogs!! Whyncha get out and watch some spirits instead?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 09:20 PM

Actually, my wife wants to go so I'll go with her. The exhibit closes on the 6th.

Amos, I see bodies on the golf course and other places, but they have at least their skin on. I understand that this exhibition is of flayed and cut open bodies, even bodies that are just bones.

Stilly, let's see: today I joined some guys at coffee in the morning, then went to the PO, weeded in the garden, did some other stuff in the yard, researched a new car, fixed three meals, did the recycling, paid some more bills, went to the credit union, and helped another veteran who's working on a VA claim. Retired, yeah, but busy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 09:23 PM

Oh, yeah. I don't have dibs on anything at the moment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 10:22 PM

Dang, if THAT'S what you're going to see, I take my curmudgeonly remarks back. That is one interesting exhibit. I saw it in San Diego, and I just kept thinking, "There but for the Grace of God go I...".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 11:45 PM

Rapparee, MOM is reading over my shoulder and laughing. Please keep her occupied or at least give her the link to that website you sent me. I told her she could use the ipad, but she claims the batteries have run out. Just send her the link, won't you!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 12:55 AM

Make sure you read the Bedtime Stories.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 09:48 AM

please share, Eiselely!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 11:08 AM

They're...not nice, but I thought she could use them at Story Time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 01:11 PM

Not nice? When has that ever stopped you in the assiduous and diligent performance of your duties as a Primary Whippersnapper and First Depiddy Hooligan?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 01:37 PM

"First Depiddy Hooligan?"

??? Deputy maybe?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 02:43 PM

Yeah, well, real hooligans know how to spell their offices correckly, man. You were raised to spell by a non-Hooligan, obviously.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 05:12 PM

REPENT! The End Is Near!!

The Green Comet is on the way!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 06:24 PM

The end of what? The Green Comet. Who gives a flyin


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 07:44 PM

Eiseley. Gotta remember how to type.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 08:45 PM

BEtter still remember how to type in stereo!!

Billions and billions!! Great photo, Rapp.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 11:17 AM

Thanks, Amos. I took it from the ISS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 12:14 PM

I took some cool pics when I was on the USS Enterprise. Jim came back from the future this coming Thanksgiving and we partied for a week. I just got back.

Keep yer eye on the full moon a week from tomorrow. Just a heads up eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 03:31 PM

I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as derivative from consciousness. We cannot get behind consciousness. Everything that we talk about, everything that we regard as existing, postulates consciousness.


       Max Planck, as quoted in The Observer (25 January 1931)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 03:44 PM

Pish posh. Matter exists whether or not conciousness of matter exists. What a hack! Thick as a wooden board that Planck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 03:47 PM

The lads were working hard and long,
The ladies worked as hard,
Hewing the timber, laying on chow
And shaping up the spars.
The neighbors down the road were there
Most everyone you know,
And they all knew the time was close,
With seventy posts to go.

The frame was lying on the ground
Her timbers broad and green
And the roofing splits were ready by
As fine as ever seen
We was all chuffed up at what we'd done
And a couple of gals did say,
It'll be a hell of a raising up,
When we raise the 42 Kay!

She'll be wide and high and handsome
We'll dance and sing and play
On the day the whole gang raises up
That Forty Two of Kay


The buckboards came a-rolling up
Loaded up with hams and stew,
And a dozen kegs of the very best
Of tree-nails, long and true.
A half-a-dozen kegs of beer
In the cool of the spring stream lay,
Awaiting for the raising up
Of the Forty Two of Kay!

The girls who went to Sunday school
With bouquets wandered up
And one-eyed Pete with his rosined bow
Commenced to tuning up.
Somebody brought a banjo out
And started into play
And everyone was readying up
For the Forty Two of Kay!!

She'll be wide and high and handsome
We'll dance and sing and play
On the day the whole gang raises up
That Forty Two of Kay


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 05:29 PM

Funny you should say that, Gnu--obviously, you are acutely conscious of the persistence of matter in the absence of the consciousness that is conscious of the persistence, although how you arrive at that conclusion escapes me at the moment... :D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 05:42 PM

A... I woke up this morning. I was concious most of the day. You figger out the rest. Me, I am havin an ale and doin laudry.

PS... the salt cod fish cakes were fiiiine. I may have another before I lose conciousness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 10:34 PM

Woke up this mornin'
Spent all day conscious
Well I woke up this mornin'
Was conscious all day
Felt pretty good about it
Bein' conscious all day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 10:45 PM

Woke up conscious
Well how the wind did blow!
Was conscious all day
'Bout how the wind did blow
But how I knew it was blowing
Why, ain't nobody knows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 11:26 PM

Now it's night time and I'm goin' to sleep
Gonna be unconscious first night of the week
If I wake up tomorrow be conscious all day
Yeah if I wake up tomorrow, gonna be conscious all day
An' if I don't wake up tomorrow
Be conscious in a whole new way, yeah, in a whole new way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 01:51 AM

Sleeping and a-dreaming
About places I would like to go
Climbing the highest mountain
And looking down on folks below
But how I know what I am lookin' at
Why, ain't nobody knows.
I might even be conscious
But ain't nobody knows....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM

Well, I didn't wake up this mornin'
'Cause I died in my sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 01:07 PM

My condolences. I hope you already mailed my cheque.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 07:24 PM

Sad is the fortune of creditors all
For though hold debtors completely in thrall
If the debtor he ups and breaks his old neck
The creditor never gets hold of a cheque!
And though some love their debtors, some simply abhor 'em.
It's a wonder they didn't go break their necks for 'em!

ANyway, I don't think Rapp wrote that blues line, or even regenerated it under his own handle, in any literal sense -- if he had not woken up this morning, he would nt have been able to log on, would he? Let's not get all carried away, here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 07:42 PM

It's only he who is getting carried away, no?

I'll miss him. As all will. He was a good sort. Sniff.

We'll soldier on. Be brave in his abscence I say. It's difficult, at best, but we must live on in his spirit for his sake and our own for we knew of him and were blessed by his far too brief presence among us mere mortals.

Rap, dear Rap, rest in peace.

PS... Did ya mail the fuckin CHEQUE?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 10:07 PM

I'm dead. Sue my estate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 10:16 PM

You gave yourself away, Rap. You have to stop typing if you're kaput.

What's all of this about a Czech?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 11:09 PM

What!? You never heard of The Ghost In The Machine? Tsk, tsk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 09:38 AM

IT was a dark and stormy knight that Arthur was trying to find to ask some question, the one who had traveled all the way from Czechlandia to be at the Round Table. Arthur wandered down to the knights' dressing room where half-a-dozen of them were sitting around half-dressed, and asked for the Czech.

Galahad pointed across the room--"THe Czech is in the mail", he explained.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 09:40 AM

It's a lot of fun being in here, pushing electrons around. AND I can zip over and mess with Amos' computer or anything else hooked up to the Internet, even wirelessly.

Too bad about your cell phones....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 11:33 AM

Ingo Swann already wrote that book, Rapp. Find and enjoy!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 12:05 PM

A heavily armed convoy from Libya. . .

Started an NPR news story just now. Sounded like a great first line for a limerick. Any takers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM

Every woman should marry an archaeologist because she grows increasingly attractive to him as she grows increasingly to resemble a ruin.

Agatha Christie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 02:36 PM

That Agatha Christie Mallowan was one smart cookie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 03:25 PM

Rap... is LH there with you? He hasn't been posting lately.

SRS... you ain't gonna blieve this... wet, breezy and 15C here. Down to 9C tonight. Weird!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 10:28 PM

We had rainstormd in the morning sndf s scorcher in the pm. Phew!!

Rapp!! PM me your travel schedule for Gitaway!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 11:48 PM

What MOM taugh me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"


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