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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 06 Nov 11 - 04:56 PM
Acme 06 Nov 11 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 11 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 11 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 11 - 09:53 PM
Amos 06 Nov 11 - 11:15 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 11 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 11 - 09:16 AM
Acme 07 Nov 11 - 10:14 AM
gnu 07 Nov 11 - 04:26 PM
Little Hawk 07 Nov 11 - 05:49 PM
Amos 07 Nov 11 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 11 - 09:16 PM
Amos 07 Nov 11 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 11 - 10:57 PM
Little Hawk 07 Nov 11 - 11:03 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 11 - 08:49 AM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 11 - 02:26 PM
gnu 08 Nov 11 - 02:28 PM
Acme 08 Nov 11 - 03:21 PM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 11 - 04:56 PM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 05:49 PM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 11 - 06:17 PM
gnu 08 Nov 11 - 06:35 PM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 11 - 09:53 PM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 11:18 PM
GUEST,Miguel the waiter 09 Nov 11 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 06:15 AM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 10:12 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 10:36 AM
GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress 09 Nov 11 - 10:39 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 03:48 PM
GUEST,Miguel the waiter 09 Nov 11 - 03:58 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 07:37 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 08:30 PM
gnu 09 Nov 11 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 09:06 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 10:40 PM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 11 - 01:04 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 11 - 09:33 AM
GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress 10 Nov 11 - 10:48 AM
Amos 10 Nov 11 - 01:45 PM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 11 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 11 - 04:03 PM
Amos 10 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 04:56 PM

Your duty, sir, is not to be interestingly entertained, but to create interesting entertainment worthy of the Seal of BS Approval from Mom's hand.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 06:45 PM

Your duty, sir, is not to be interestingly entertained, but to create interesting entertainment worthy of the Seal of BS Approval from Mom's hand.

MOM's BS Seal of Approval. But from her mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 08:40 PM

Don't deign to tell me what my duty is, Amos... ;-)

I expect to be fullsomely entertained by such wits and bon vivants as you and Rapparee....and on a daily basis. Hie thee to the keyboard at once, summon forth thy respective muses, and dazzle me with thy clever verse and tempestuous bombast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 09:29 PM

The Blind Little Boy

O say what is that thing call'd Light,
Which I must ne'er enjoy;
What are the blessings of the sight,
O tell your poor blind boy!

You talk of wondrous things you see,
You say the sun shines bright;
I feel him warm, but how can he
Or make it day or night?

My day or night myself I make
Whene'er I sleep or play;
And could I ever keep awake
With me 'twere always day.

With heavy sighs I often hear
You mourn my hapless woe;
But sure with patience I can bear
A loss I ne'er can know.

Then let not what I cannot have
My cheer of mind destroy:
Whilst thus I sing, I am a king,
Although a poor blind boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 09:53 PM

Just for Little Hawk....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 11:15 PM

Please don't tell Mick about that video.

If you do tell Mick, tell him it was Little Hawk's fault.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 11 - 11:27 PM

I watched it. ASTOUNDING! And pretty funny.

There simply is no one else quite like William Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 09:16 AM

I am certain that Big Mick already knows. Big Mick is God.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 10:14 AM

You're going to crash Big Mick's iPhone if you start mentioning him over here. If he hits the thread name instead of the d it will take years to load the thread to respond. Please, I bed you, don't trash his phone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 04:26 PM

I had my hands in the river
My feet back up on the banks
I looked up to the lord above
And said hey man thanks.

The Tragically Hip

Yeah, I konw... but it's good rock.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 05:49 PM

That doesn't scan very well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 08:52 PM

The hip need no scansion, but occasional traction.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 09:16 PM

Well,I just bought an Android Internet tablet (4.3 inch). I hope it lives up to my expectations.

I thought about an iPod, but all the apps have to come from Apple.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 10:10 PM

You mean an iPad, I presume. Sure they come from --or at least via--Apple--but they work so well. ANd at least you know where your code has been!

Good luck with the Android one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 10:57 PM

I wanted something with WiFi, calendaring, address book, and similar stuff that I could put in my shirt pocket. Android is a decent OS and it's open source AND I know how to update it. (I could also overclock the chip, but I won't.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Nov 11 - 11:03 PM

Chongo uses an aPod. He swears by it. And he lives in an aPad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 08:49 AM

Chongo CAME from a pod.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 02:15 PM

As Olde Phartes we are going to end up wanting one plastic phone with large keys and display with nothing else.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 02:26 PM

I want one with a functioning dial.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 02:28 PM

It don't need ta scan when yer lead can pull it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 03:21 PM

iPod is like the non-phone version of the iPhone. iPad is the tablet. Rap wanted the iPod-like device - with WiFi - but whether Android or iPod - how many WiFi locations have you found to use it? Is Pocatello awash with WiFi?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 04:56 PM

Yeah, and the iPart is a digital comb that you can use via Internet hookup to part your hair. And they're wireless now too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 05:49 PM

In mathematics, i stands for imaginary numbers of which the square root of -1 is a factor. Borrowing this usage, Little Hawk is blessed in the extreme--he has an iChimp, an iScumbag, and an iHarridan all his own. Oh, and an iHamster, too!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 06:17 PM

I have even more than that, Amos. I have an upperclass i-Harridan AND a lowerclass i-Harridan living in Hull and Twillingsgate, UK. I have a muckraking English i-journalist raising alarums about aliens in the Royal Family and secret paramilitary projects involving giant skinks and blood-drinking members of the peerage. I have an entire assemblage of i-simians living in the Chicago area. I have an i-OPP officer named Jennifer Dana. I have an i-relationship with William Shatner...and am working on establishing one with Winona Ryder.

And that's just the tip of the i-ceberg!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 06:35 PM

Is there an iPuke? For guys like me who don't need all this fancy stuff or another operation to remove a tumour?

BTW, cousin Rodney is still mostly paralyzed on the left... slurred speech, no left arm motor capability, difficulty walking.... Cell phones are bad shit man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 08:24 PM

You sure it wasn't the ISmokes?

What we need for Mudcat is an Apple Doangivvaschitt. Just the thing to filter the threads of folks wo are outraged by penny-ante issues or quirks in other folks' manners.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 09:53 PM

That's it! I'm leaving!1











1Tomorrow morning, very early, on an airplane. See y'all later tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:18 PM

You are always running off and abandoning Mom to dry and dusty days. Then you come running back and jolly everyone along and tell Mom you're her favorite. THEN you ask her for money. This is gadabout, footloose, knavish behavior.

So where are you going this time?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Miguel the waiter
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:19 AM

He go craazzzzzy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 06:15 AM

Milwaukee, then Indiana to pick up a car to go visit family and then back to Indiana for Thanksgiving and home on the 26th. Don't fret any, Amos, I'll have my netbook with me and I'll be able to continue your existence...unless I don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:12 AM

Whether you are contributing to my being or not is the least of my worries, Sir Booques.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:36 AM

help im being held captive at the salt lake airport by southwest airlines because my flite hasnt left yet


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:39 AM

Miguel! Who said you can wait on or bus MOM's Table? That's MY territory!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM

hle3p im be3eing help captiv3e at the3 denver airpor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 03:48 PM

Just board the damn thing, Rapp. You are not being extradited or renditioned. Honest.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Miguel the waiter
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 03:58 PM

Ayyyy! That Rosarita! She go craaazzzzzzy!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:43 PM

Oh, look, Little Hawk has an i-illegalimmigrant!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 07:37 PM

I am in Milwaukee.   It is cold and raining, but tell Mom that I'm warm and dry even though there was no room at the inn and I am again bedding down in a manger, just as I did right after I was born.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 07:40 PM

In the darkling Denver Airport
In the land of high security
Comes the man from Pocatellow,
Comes the booming, noxious fellow
Comes the man of high degree
By the name of Rapparree.

In the land of Great Jetliners
He has traveled from his wigwam
From his home of buried freezers
From the town of Great Libraries
Where the books roll out like thunder
From the shelves and from the trolleys,
Comes the wanderer, Chief Librarian
Comes the long-retired Master!
Man of Booques, an antiquarian
Deeper, sharper, brighter, faster
Than the young men of Security.
Smarter than the DHS men
Clever as the black snake's mother
Is the Booke Manne, Rapparee.
Manne of Learning and Degree.

In the Denver Airport waiting
Watching with his keen eyes shining
Far away from Pocatello
From the Lande of Troubling Waters,
On the loose upon the nation,
Free from winos, children whining,
Now retired, Rapparee.
Mighty Traveler! Long-Miles-Eater!
Flies the skies in great jetliners
Passes through the grimmest checkpoint
Boards the aircraft with a saunter!
None can stop him from his travels
None can make him miss connection!
None his calm can e'er unravel
None can change his sure direction.

To the land of Far Milwaukee!
To the glades of Indiana!
To his mother, to his father,
Where the Great Missouri waters
Travel onward toward the sea
Comes the Booque Man, Rapparree!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 08:30 PM

...Where the Great Missouri waters...

Should be "Mississippi waters."

Geez, I gotta do everything around here.

At the moment the largest nearby body of water is Lake Michigan. Actually the closest body of water is that which is in the toilet, but it's a lot smaller than Lake Michigan. Also, you can't flush Lake Michigan. I know because I've tried.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 08:33 PM

Ye be prolific in verse, fer sure dude. Gnarley!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 09:06 PM

By the great Pacific waters
In the village San Diego
Lived the great chief yclept Amos
Mighty sailor, mighty warrior
Known for his Apolliono
Bragged he much and more about it
And one night as he sat strumming
Playing o'er the two or three chords
That was all his repertoire
Suddenly there came a knocking,
Knocking, knocking, knocking, knocking
A very loud obnoxious knocking
Knocking at his new front door.
Only this and nothing more.

Did you know that almost all of Em Dickinson's poems can be sung to the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas"? Throw in the odd "Yee-HAW" now and then and you've got the goods on ol' Emily. She was a dab hand at ropin' cattle, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:40 PM

I am sorry to say that I feel rather strongly that my parody of Hiawatha surpassed yours of The Raven by good measure, Meinherre Bookmanne.


My repertory, sir? You wot not of what you speak!! I am the Folke Jukeboxxe!!

\A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 01:04 AM

And the King of Starbucks! Amos's incredible ability to confound people with an unceasing flow of sophisticated chitchat and bafflegab has made him a legend with the coffee klatch set in San Diego. When he enters Starbucks, a hush falls over the crowd. He uses words like "jejeune" and "ennui" with a casual flare that leaves others gasping for air and incapable of mustering any fit response. Few are those who dare to challenge him at that game.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 09:33 AM

LH, his jejeune ennui is so innocuous that it doesn't bear mentioning.

Okay. All together now:

Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.
We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –

CHORUS:

She's the sweetest little Emily
Thagt Amherst ever knew
Her poetry's like diamonds
It sparkles like the dew
I know that she remembers
When when she parted first her hair
Straight on down the middle
Not hanging o'er her ear.


We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess – in the Ring –
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –
We passed the Setting Sun –
Or rather – He passed us –
The Dews drew quivering and chill –
For only Gossamer, my Gown –
My Tippet – only Tulle –

CH.

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground –
The Roof was scarcely visible –
The Cornice – in the Ground –
Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity –

CH. x 2


(You can also sing this to the theme song to "Gilligan's Island.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 10:48 AM

You don't tener cojones to mess with me, señor. You want they go in the huevos rancheros? ‘Salga!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 01:45 PM

Yersinia pestis (formerly Pasteurella pestis) is a Gram-negative rod-shaped bacterium. It is a facultative anaerobe that can infect humans and other animals. Human Y. pestis infection takes three main forms: pneumonic, septicemic, and the notorious bubonic plagues. All three forms are widely believed to have been responsible for a number of high-mortality epidemics throughout human history, including the Plague of Justinian in 542 and the Black Death that accounted for the death of at least one-third of the European population between 1347 and 1353.

CHongo, by last medical report, was known to be hosting at least two variants of Yersinia pestis as a result of deficient personal hygeine and loose sexual habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 03:29 PM

Now you've done it, Amos. You have crossed the line. You'll be hearing from Chongo's lawyers.

Yes, your nasty little game of political poop-throwing is about to come to an ignominious end. Your pals in the Obama administration will, I predict, drop you like a hot potatoe, cease sending you those little payment packages, and swear that they never even knew you when you are indicted for those utterly false and shameful allegations about Chongo.

You're going to be rubbing elbows with Jack Abramoff's former prison pals. You may even get to meet Conrad Black.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 04:03 PM

Why do you think Yeri knows so much about what Chongo's up to? She has family members living with/on him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM

Well, Little Hawk, there you have it; the master of Reference Material Throughout Christendom And Beyond has spoken, and your bloviating perorations and arm-waving exhortations have proven to be merely puerile, jejune raillery.

A


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