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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 10:29 AM
Amos 28 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 02:06 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 03:13 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 11 - 03:23 PM
gnu 28 Nov 11 - 04:07 PM
GUEST,A Concerned Dachshund 28 Nov 11 - 04:38 PM
Amos 28 Nov 11 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 09:47 PM
gnu 28 Nov 11 - 10:04 PM
Acme 28 Nov 11 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 11 - 12:13 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 11 - 12:44 AM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 11 - 12:51 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 11 - 09:32 AM
Amos 29 Nov 11 - 12:57 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 29 Nov 11 - 01:09 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 11 - 01:14 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 11 - 02:12 PM
Amos 29 Nov 11 - 03:53 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 11 - 06:58 PM
gnu 29 Nov 11 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 11 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 11 - 09:08 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Nov 11 - 12:48 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 11 - 09:55 AM
Acme 30 Nov 11 - 11:00 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Nov 11 - 11:08 AM
Amos 30 Nov 11 - 12:31 PM
Acme 30 Nov 11 - 01:00 PM
gnu 30 Nov 11 - 02:16 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 11 - 02:53 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 11 - 04:37 PM
gnu 30 Nov 11 - 04:43 PM
gnu 30 Nov 11 - 04:46 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 11 - 05:11 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 11 - 06:05 PM
Amos 30 Nov 11 - 08:47 PM
Acme 01 Dec 11 - 01:00 AM
Amos 01 Dec 11 - 09:33 AM
Acme 01 Dec 11 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 11 - 09:54 AM
Little Hawk 01 Dec 11 - 11:04 AM
Amos 01 Dec 11 - 12:51 PM
Little Hawk 01 Dec 11 - 01:17 PM
gnu 01 Dec 11 - 03:09 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 11 - 03:28 PM
Amos 01 Dec 11 - 05:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:29 AM

So true. ;-) That's a brilliant idea, Rap.

Bored Dachshunds crave entertainment...and food.

Here are some good ways of entertaining a Dachshund:

1. Offer him treats.

2. Tell him about the chipmunk or squirrel or cat outside the patio door.

3. Play the harmonica. He will sing along with great gusto.

4. Throw the ball for him if he's the athletic type.

5. Shower him with praise. They love that.

6. Introduce him to a new toy, such as a teddy bear. He'll attack it joyfully and spend an hour or two mauling it until it's completely wrecked. If the toy SQUEAKS when bitten, so much the better!

7. Rub his belly and scratch him behind the ears.

8. Take him out for a walk.

9. Play recording of other dogs barking on the computer. He will be quite interested.

10. Fly an Air Swimmer around the house. He will pursue it in a barking frenzy.

Anyone got any more ideas?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM

Try introducing him to the business end of a taser, or industrial grade pepper spray. He will consider it very educational.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 02:06 PM

Aha! Spoken like the blackguard and scoundrel you are, sirrah! So you wish to torture little dogs, do you? Fie! For shame! May you be banished to the Infernal Regions, there to contemplate your many sins and omissions, and to beg for mercy and forgiveness from a glowering tribunal of long-nosed, short-legged, beady-eyed canine judges who will lift their legs and pee contemptuously in your general direction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 03:13 PM

Or you can just let sleeping dogs sleep. Then awaken them by coming home or knocking a book to the floor or breathing. They will go into frenzies of excitement, so much so that you'll have to use a tranquilizer dart to calm them back down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 03:23 PM

Yes, that's exactly what they do. They get tremendously excited when one returns home. ROUND and ROUND and ROUND they GO! It's great fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 04:07 PM

I may get a dog in the coming years. Always wanted a spaniel. Springer. Welsh, of course, given my heritage. Although, if it's to be a city dog, perhaps Irish Wolfhound... a mated pair... as I always wanted to bellow "Loose the HOUNDS!" especially if any weeny dogs piss on my maple tree and crap on my lawn. Like that rat that lives next door to Mum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,A Concerned Dachshund
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 04:38 PM

That is one of the things we Dachshunds worry about in those long idle hours spent between meals, sounding the alarm, and searching for decaying carrion to roll in.

It is our policy always to crap on the neighbours' lawns if at all possible. We do this out of the generosity of our hearts. Shit is good stuff! One's own shit, however, is not nearly so good to roll in as someone else's, simply because familiarity breeds contempt. Thus we are providing benefit to the neighbors by spreading our own shit around to other territories.

As for peeing, the important thing is to mark, first of all, the boundaries of one's own domain. Absolutely essential! Then one branches out from there in order to extend one's domain as far as possible in all directions.

I regard the purchase of Irish Wolfhounds as a needless and dangerous extravagance. Only a fool would consent to have those long-legged beasts on his property.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 07:19 PM

MWahahahaha!! No, Doggie-Boy, I have no wish to torture the dachshunds. I was suggesting that YOU do so. I have better things to torture. I have been giving God Himself a hard time for over fifty years now and have waterboarded the very archangels. Seraphim and cherubim I have broken down to frenzied babbles of semi-divine gobbledygook, and the confessions I have wrung from the handmaidens of Hera would simply shock you. All this is much better entertainment than harassing walking frankfurters, I do assure you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 09:47 PM

Amos, you claim to have waterboarded Cherubim and Seraphim. What about
Angels, Archangels, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Dominations, and Thrones? You really shouldn't leave anyone out. They might get jealous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:04 PM

"... a needless and dangerous extravagance..."

Dear "concerned" : Don't shit on my lawn. The Volfies will eat you and then shit you out on your master's lawn.

Shit for shat eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:32 PM

To Do List: police the property (i.e., scoop the poop).

It goes in the compost, and if I'm going to empty the kitchen compost bin (I let it stew for a little while and then pour it into the middle of the big pile out back) I always make a big bucket of dog-droppings tea and pour that on the pile after the decayed food stuff to keep the dogs out of it. It works quite well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 10:49 PM

Well, it would certainly keep ME out of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 11 - 11:34 PM

My new toy.

Apple fans, eat your heart out!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 12:13 AM

Don't be silly, Amos. You can't give God a hard time. Or the Angels either. You might think you can, but you most definitely cannot. And you may strain yourself attempting to.

Trust me on this, okay? :-D The Angels can take you in their stride without a single bead of sweat appearing on a single Angelic brow. And they like you too. They're on your side, brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 12:44 AM

I dunno about that. Maybe some of the former angels, folks like Lucifer and Asmodeus. I wouldn't know about them. I don't hang around with that sort of person, in the flesh or otherwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 12:51 AM

Oh, well, if you're talking about fallen angels, that's a different story. I've heard rumours about them. Beelzebub, Lucifer, Baal, Legion, Leviathan...I don't know if they ever really were Angels or if they are something else entirely, but they do appear to be very nasty characters, best avoided. They are NOT on your side.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 09:32 AM

Last night I was cleaning out some old papers and stuff and found one of my old 5th grade arithmetic tests. It was one of those short ones that we were given every Friday by Sister Mary John, our teacher, to test our progress. I got an 83% -- see how you do!

1. P=NP. Cite examples proving or disproving your answer.
2. Prove Riemann's Hypothesis.
3. Using the materials at your desk, build a log-log decitrix slide rule.
4. Discuss the various uses of ζ in Probability Theory.
5. Provide a valid proof of the Navier–Stokes equation in a three-dimensional sense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 12:57 PM

Hawk--I learned long, long ago not to trust anyone whose intent was to persuade me of what I could not do. That's a piece of wisdom that has served me well. Giving God a hard time is second nature to me.

Rap, I notice your new toy has the benefits of "•Operation System: Google Android 2.2". I am glad you have an operation system as those phones are notoriously hard to operate! I like the site's promo line: " Have an Android Phone, you have the whole world." Lots of folks have the whole world, but its not always the same world as others see.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 01:09 PM

I see that the illiterate and innumerate oaf who pretends to be me, Shane McBride of Blind River, Ontario is still around. As he is now so once was I, but I changed. I believe I know who it is that continues to harm my reputation and I shall, unless it stops immediately, go to the Courts.

Brother Don asks me to say "Hello" to everyone and to be certain to tell you that I'm at the top of my classes! (I suppose you could say that I'm besotted with education rather than drugs and alcohol.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 01:14 PM

Ah..Ha! Ha! Ha! Omigod. Falling out of my chair here...

Is nothing sacred?????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 02:12 PM

Dear Mr. gnu,

Please follow these instructions to the letter. Do not deviate from them in any way if you know what's good for you.

1. Pull on your Sorels.
2. Take them off and put on your Stanfields first, dummy.
3. Put on your pants, shirt, and socks. Wool is good.
4. NOW put on your Sorels.
5. Remembering your Katimavik experiences, walk to your mailbox.
6. Sit by your mailbox. Do NOT leave it for ANY reason.
7. In 3 to 5 business days a document will arrive.
8. Take it into the house.
9. Open it, decode it, and act upon the contents.
10. Let me know if the contents are in any way defective or if you do not receive the document.

Your most humble and devoted servant, etc.,
Mr. Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 03:53 PM

POoor bugger will freeze to death trying to collect a lousy ten-dollar debt. What trials and tribulations that Rapp imposes on those who would do business with him!! It is for fie, I say!

In other news, it may not be generally known that the Kalman filter produces estimates of the true values of measurements and their associated calculated values by predicting a value, estimating the uncertainty of the predicted value, and computing a weighted average of the predicted value and the measured value. The most weight is given to the value with the least uncertainty. The estimates produced by the method tend to be closer to the true values than the original measurements because the weighted average has a better estimated uncertainty than either of the values that went into the weighted average.

From a theoretical standpoint, the Kalman filter is an algorithm for efficiently doing exact inference in a linear dynamical system, which is a Bayesian model similar to a hidden Markov model but where the state space of the latent variables is continuous and where all latent and observed variables have a Gaussian distribution (often a multivariate Gaussian distribution).

Thanks to this ingenious development we now have FM radios with phase-locked loops and can use reflected light hitting color sensors to generate surface velocity vectors of moving sensor platforms. How about them apples, Mom???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 06:58 PM

Ma and gnu are probably the only other people in the Universe who know what you're talking about, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 07:26 PM

Sit by my mailbox? For another how many months?

BTW, A of SD, don't matter if it's ten bucks or a thousand bucks or one buck. A debt is a debt and a man is a man. I lost money on the deal even if I get paid what I asked.

But, I have heard it said that nice guys finish last. Never heard about the gettin shit on by a third party part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 09:06 PM

You ain't losing money. Trust me on that. So far I'm out thirty USD plus postage and more. Post Office didn't have a clue about the last shipment. This one, I have been promised, WILL get there.

Sit by your mailbox until a uniformed Canadian government employee gives it to you. Do not move from there for any reason whatsoever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 11 - 09:08 PM

Three to five business days, I was told. You might only be out there until Saturday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 12:48 AM

You may be all impressed by the Kalman filter, Amos, but let me explain somethin' real simple to you. It won't stop a .44 cal bullet. That bein' the case, how much is it really worth? Nothin' much in my part of town.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 09:55 AM

Geez, Chongo still worries about .44 slugs. Nobody uses .44 anymore unless it's a .44 magnum. A .45 (Long) Colt slug will do as much damage as a .44 magnum without the extra recoil -- just load a 325 grain bullet instead of 250 or 255 grain. Or just get with it an use a .454 Casull:

...[The .454] Casull round uses a small rifle primer rather than a pistol primer, because it develops extremely high chamber pressures of over 60,000 CUP (copper units of pressure) (410 MPa), and has a significantly stronger cup than a pistol primer. The .454 Casull is one of the most powerful handgun cartridges in production. It can deliver a 250 grain (16 g) bullet with a muzzle velocity of over 1,900 feet per second (580 m/s), developing more than 2,000 ft-lb (2.7 kJ) of energy, although energy levels from common .454 revolvers with 7–8 inch barrels are typically somewhat lower (1,600–1,700 ft·lbf).

Or Chongo could just come out of the closet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 11:00 AM

Cute phone, Rap, but the camera is only 2.1 megapixel.

Remember when we only had to choose whether our phones had a dial or push buttons?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 11:08 AM

Don't try to teach yer coon hound how to lick its balls, Rap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 12:31 PM

He's not into teaching, so much--more of a service-oriented production unit, him.

The day Chongo acknowledges his buried latent tendencies and comes out of the closet I will eat this post--digitally, of course. Chongo is a being of dream-stuff, of course, but his "reality" is entirely digital, depending on these ASCII characters and their binary equivalents, and their transfer from UART to VRAM and monitor, to exist at all. As such he is partial to digital manipulation, preferably auto-stimulation with his own digits.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 01:00 PM

In his obituary, when the time comes, it will be revealed that Little Hawk spent a total of 504 hours (a full three weeks) of his life simply logging on and off of Mudcat to change his various identities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 02:16 PM

Well, Rap, the book cost me $46 to start with and I gave you a $46 discount on the book. At this very moment, I am out $76. The book retails for over $100 if you buy them one at a time.

As for 3 to 5 business days... you BELIEVE the post office?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 02:53 PM

First mailing, returned as undeliverable: USD 30.00 + postage (only out postage)
Second mailing, lost in space: USD 30.00 + postage.
Third mailing, on the way: USD 50.00 + 26.95 priority postage + cost of card.

So I'm out 76.95 + cost of card.

I'll send the rest shortly.

Ain't never been no deadbeat nothin'...just slow on the uptake and in understanding what the heck is going on around me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 04:37 PM

Stilly - Yeah. Tragic, ain't it? Why, I could've had a career in music comparable to John Prine or Mary Chapin Carpenter by now, if it weren't for the danged Mudcat addiction devouring my temporal resources! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 04:43 PM

"USD 50.00 + 26.95 priority postage + cost of card." What? wht $50?? and why $26.95 for PP? You is gettin ripped!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 04:46 PM

And, what is that undeliverable shit? Why didn't you give them shit about that. Next time you have to deal with those assholes, wear yer sidearmsss eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 05:11 PM

The trouble is, they tend to respond with a SWAT team when you do that. Rapparee would get in deep shit if he killed an entire SWAT team.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 06:05 PM

Priority international delivery, good sir. This damned time I want it to be delivered. As for the other -- consider it an investment in your liver. Use it according to the directions on the card.

When I found out that the second delivery had disappeared I might possibly perhaps have become somewhat slightly pissed off at the US and/or Canadian postal services. If that did happen I take the best way I can think of (short of delivering it myself, and who the heck wants to visit New Brunswick?) to solve the problem.

This is a holdover from my working days, when I would use my old buddy Bill Occam's razor to cut through crap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 11 - 08:47 PM

Hell, I could have mailed it from inside Canada when I was there last summer and saved you all this grumbling!! No, it was the summer before that, but still...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 01:00 AM

I still haven't figured out what these two are trying to mail back and forth, and I refuse to read through the last 16 pages of 50 posts at a time to find it.

And I hoped someone other that LH might notice my remark about his obituary. Future, of course, but it pertains to today. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 09:33 AM

WEll, at least part of it seems to be money.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 09:42 AM

Money (has one converted it to the other's currency?) and a book. I've been mailing eBay packages all over the world for a number of years and usually find a reasonably priced way to ship, so I wonder at the packaging or size of the tome in question.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 09:54 AM

Okay, I'll explain it.

Back in March or April gnu and I made a deal to "import" guns from Canada. He can get them pretty simply, because he lives near a beach where they can be landed in quantity on the bleak coasts of Newfoundland by Certain Parties From Elsewhere. Good stuff, too: HK-7s, Kriss Vectors, FNs, things like that. So the shipments came across Canada and down through the mountains near Boundary County, Idaho (no, I'm not going to tell you where!). They got to me and I put paid to the delivery folks. I sold the stuff to the DHS, the FBI, and the RCMP,all of which needed them but couldn't get them by going through "regular channels."

Anyway, I sent him his share of the loot profits and he's claiming that he was overpaid and owes me some money, so I sent him some. The first time it was returned because the Canadian "mules" were all on strike. After that got sorted out I sent it again, but the courier didn't make the drop (that's being taken care of, with extreme prejudice). So I sent it a third time.

It's really simple when you understand what's going on. Naturally, I haven't mentioned the cut-outs, such as Eiseley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 11:04 AM

You and Chongo have sooooo much in common, Rap! It's a wonder you don't get along better.

Not like Amos. He and Chongo have very little in common. They are at opposite ends of the paradym. Never the twain shall meet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 12:51 PM

If Chongo ever met Twain, perish the thought, he'd probably want to rub him out for some typically neurotic simian reason. Some primates are not to be trusted even in imaginary circumstances!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 01:17 PM

Do you realize we just reached 42,900, Amos? Or rather...YOU did.

I didn't feel the Earth move or anything.

Regarding what would happen if Chongo met Mark Twain...I think that after an initial period of surprise (at least on Twain's part) and mutual suspicion, they would probably have sat down amicably together, had a couple of drinks, and whiled away an hour or two discussing the difficulties and amusements of life faced by literary iconoclasts and self-employed chimps in a changing America.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 03:09 PM

Not Newfoundland, Rap... the Bay of Fundy. The guns are placed in sealed containers with floats attached. At high tide during dark hours, the containers are dumped overboard by fishing boats who have collected them at the drop off point by aircraft or by pleasure vessel. Before they are dumped by the fishing boats, some floats are removed and an anchor attached by means of a rope of such a length that will conceal the containers well below the water surface.

As you are ALL aware, the Bay of Fundy tides are the highest in the world. At low tide, again during dark hours, jet boats are able to pick up the guns which now float about 1.5m below the surface and ferry them up rivers into the deepest and darkest parts of the forbidding lands known as Albert County, New Brunswick. They are then taken by ATV or snowmobile to lumber roads where they are picked up by white 3/4 ton 4X4 Dodge Maxivans driven by The Warriors from the Mi'kmaq who then drive the backwoods roads into the US.

They are then transferred, along with lobster, moose, hemp (hey, these guys don't fuck around... a convoy can easily be 40 vans), and whatever, to the New England Mi'kmaq for distribution to the point of sale. Such distriution may include other First Nations Warriors and extend to all of the contiguous US states... except for guns in Idaho because there so many guns there all ready they can't get a good price.

Hey... Rap... you shoulda sent my coin by Warrier express.

All of the above is purely fiction, of course. The tale of an idle mindless. I really don't know what those convoys with armed men dressed in black carry. Maybe they are taking the wives and kids to Disneyland?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 03:28 PM

See? It's all so simple when you understand what's going on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 11 - 05:07 PM

And some day, I am sure you will...


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