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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 19 Dec 11 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 11 - 11:32 AM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 11 - 11:36 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 11 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 11 - 12:07 PM
Amos 19 Dec 11 - 03:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 11 - 05:00 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 11 - 05:24 PM
Amos 19 Dec 11 - 05:55 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 11 - 06:37 PM
gnu 19 Dec 11 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 11 - 07:46 PM
gnu 19 Dec 11 - 07:53 PM
Amos 19 Dec 11 - 08:13 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 11 - 09:19 PM
Acme 19 Dec 11 - 10:41 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 11 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 11 - 09:31 AM
Eiseley 20 Dec 11 - 09:54 AM
Little Hawk 20 Dec 11 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 20 Dec 11 - 12:47 PM
Amos 20 Dec 11 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 20 Dec 11 - 05:35 PM
Amos 21 Dec 11 - 10:09 AM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 11 - 11:19 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 11 - 01:03 PM
Amos 21 Dec 11 - 03:30 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 21 Dec 11 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM
Amos 21 Dec 11 - 06:21 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 21 Dec 11 - 06:41 PM
gnu 21 Dec 11 - 06:52 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 11 - 09:44 PM
Amos 21 Dec 11 - 11:02 PM
Amos 22 Dec 11 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 10:35 AM
Amos 22 Dec 11 - 03:40 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 09:16 PM
Acme 22 Dec 11 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 11 - 10:21 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 11 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 08:54 PM
Acme 23 Dec 11 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 11 - 10:47 PM
Little Hawk 23 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM
Amos 24 Dec 11 - 08:35 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 10:49 AM

Well, yes, indeed. Little Hawk's intolerance was merely reminiscent of the establishment's reaction to the early Asterix heresey. At least, the one I imagine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 11:32 AM

We burn heretics back where I come from.

Auto-da-fe! Weenie roast!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 11:36 AM

I have no trouble laughing at things, my good Rap. ;-D As you well know. I particularly enjoy humour that makes fun of Canada and Canadians...and I am Canadian. Therefore I think Amos's accusations of my supposed intolerance do not ring true.

No, it is the absolute unbeatability of Asterix and his fat friend that annoys me. I don't care much for cartoons that present a totally one-sided situation where one character always wins and other characters always lose. (The Roadrunner cartoon is another case of that sort of thing...and I detest that one too. I think many people share my feelings regarding that, and would like for once to see the coyote annihilate that stupid Roadrunner bird.)

It is unfairness I object to, you see. If there is a God, He or She has established a real world where battles are unpredictable and anyone can win or lose them, and victory is not assured just because you are a "good guy". It can go either way. That means that no one can afford to be complacent, can they?

I like to see that same fairness involved in any storyline...and it is on that basis that I object to both Asterix and the Roadrnner cartoon.....as well as objecting to the extremely unfair depiction of the Romans in the Asterix comic.

I can well understand the the French establishment was upset by the comic. And well they should have been. It's a well-drawn, but stupid comic, in my opinion.

Does it have some amusing moments of humor in it? Yes. But the basic premise is pretty stupid. I expect a better basic premise than Asterix can offer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 11:51 AM

I give the Romans their due, including genocide and fine engineering, but they were hardly invincible. The Parthians destroyed 60,000 of their soldiers, the battle of Teutonberger Wald was a disaster for them, they never conquered Scotland, Ireland was never touched, and they paid off a lot of people because they would have lost the fight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 12:07 PM

As I pointed out, Rap, in the REAL world EVERYONE loses sometimes, and that's what makes the real world so interesting.

Roman commanders sometimes made terrible errors that led to terrible defeats. The destruction of Varus' legions by the Germans was one case of that, and the massacre of Crassus' army by the Parthians was another. The Parthians were indeed a deadly force, specially when you fought them on their own ground and on their own terms. They weren't so good at carrying out siege warfare, but on open ground they were a terrible foe.

What eventually defeated Rome, though, was their own overweaning ambition. They conquered so large an empire that they could no longer afford to administer it, garrison it, and maintain it. The same thing, I think, is happening to the USA at the present time. Like Rome, the USA has overreached itself. It happens to most (if not all) great empires at some point...they reach a bit too far. They make a few too many enemies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 03:21 PM

It was not the size of the EMpire that cost the ROman Empire its sway but their duplicity and cruelty. Had they sought to build a prosperous empire at every level, promulgate learning and justice, and restrained oppressive practices at the top, they would be prospering still.

American imperialism is no more attractive, but it is less overtly suppressive; it gives, at the least, lip service to some of the right ideals.

The problem wiht large governments is common throughout history--the unknowing, unfeeling, and inept rise in response to the need for management personnel. Composite evil is buit from individual ignorance.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 05:00 PM

I quite agree, Amos. Well put.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 05:24 PM

I suggested to Shane today that he write an autobiography and call it,

"The Dumbass Chronicles"

He said, "What the flip are chronic "L"'s?"

Anyone else got a good idea for the title of Shane's life story?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 05:55 PM

"Been so Fucked Up It Looks Like Down to Me".

"Getting Down with Fucking Up"

"My Life Won't Unscrew".

"My Life as a Dumb Shit"

Let me know if you need any more candidates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 06:37 PM

I like that first one, Amos!

But I'm waiting for some suggestions from He Who Made Us All.

(Rapparee)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 06:57 PM

I suggest, "Wacth this."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:46 PM

it is both difficult and painful to use capitals right now, so just imagine them where they belong and damn the typos, full speed astern!

'the big book of shame'
'have you no shame?'
'down and out in blind river and sudbury'
'a tale of two shames'
'the scarlet shame'
'the shame of monte cristo'
'the dunciad'
'problems in cesspool and septic management'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:53 PM

Hey, buddy, can ya spare a nickel?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 08:13 PM

This is the Lesson du Jour for Shame and his scurrilous ilk!!

Oh, you may sip on fine champagne
Or done on maiden's milk
But life will never be the same
Once you meet a scurrilous ilk!!

And you may hight a fancy name
And don a gown of silk,
But you will walk in a sack of shame
Once you meet the scurrilous ilk!!

For the scurrilous ilk will change your mind
On all that's good and true,
And leave you facing your behind
With a heart all wracked in rue.

The scurrilous ilk will twist your brains
And your notion of what's You
And make the world a bed of pain
When his scurrilous work is through.

SO cousin shun the lies that spin,
The tales that fell and bilk!
And blaze your trail well, far away
From the terrible, scurrilous ilk!!

Frederick Huntington Brainard IV
Tales of the Darker Half
Poughkeepsie, 1939


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 09:19 PM

ilk season is still on around here....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 10:41 PM

Amazing how much time and effort was spent to build a giant nickel. Good thing a few folks up there could give a dime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 11:39 PM

Think of the money and material that could have been saved by doing a traditional Chinese coin (with the hole in the middle).

Oh well, it could be worse, I guess. What if it had been "The Big Pickle" instead? Is there any place that's famous for making pickles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 09:31 AM

or use one of those coins from yap. yes there are pickle places -- arco, idaho for example.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 09:54 AM

I hope you're healing well, Rapparee. I'll come sign your cast soon.

I finally feel better after an attack of shingles. Ouch! It would come right as we were installing new carpet at the library, and we had to move each book. But now the carpet is in and the shingles are on their way out.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 10:50 AM

Well, people who are silly enough to install carpeting on roofs deserve what they get if you ask me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 12:47 PM

there is a vaccine for shingles, you know. get shot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 01:05 PM

YEs, ouch!! The vaccine is far less painful than the onset.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 05:35 PM

You have to expect shingles when you are dealing with roof repair. What I don't get is why anyone would put a carpet up there. It doesn't drain well, and it's liable to turn mouldy in damp weather.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:09 AM

That's why the shingles attacked. They were being insulted.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:19 AM

Of course! I should have thought of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 01:03 PM

i was attacked by shingles once. windstorm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 03:30 PM

From the cottage in the dingle,
From the mansion on the knoll
Come the angry whirring shingles
Filled with madness in their soul.

From the boarding house of Molly
And the old Victorian bawd
Up they rise, no use a brolly,
Heavy, wind-worn, sharp and broad

Shingles in their hundreds flying
Like a storm of angry crows,
Striking people, wounded, dying,
How they choose them, heaven knows.

Suddenly the storm is over!
Whirlwinds die with calm aloof
And the shingles, in their hundreds
Each returns to his own roof.

Roofs again made whole and sturdy,
Brown of shake or asphalt black,
Soon this day will be forgotten
'Til the next shingles attack!

Calypso Merriwhether Johnston, Junior
Idaho for the Company and other Poems
Witless and Furbare, Pocatello, 1989


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 04:27 PM

KREE-GAH! Shingles bundolo Tarmangani! Gom! Gom!

translation: "BEWARE! Shingles are killing the white men! Run! Run!"

(The above Ape-English translation was made by me, Chongo Chimp, a longtime friend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes.)

Amos, I gotta say that that was one of the finest pieces of poetry I've ever seen. Hell, even Bogart would be impressed. You may be a shameless purveyor of politically-motivated slander, but you definitely got literary talent. Ook! Ook!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM

i thought thaqt meant 'shingles will be replaced at my expense. come! come!' and i live where edgar rice burroughs usta live, too. [so does eisely.]


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:21 PM

Yes but not where he learned the Jungle Tongue
Learned the call of musth-torn Timbo
Ad the snicker of the simian
Leanred the hiss of Mother Cobra
And the cry of will gorilla.
Not in sleepy Pocatello
Did the noble Edgar Rice
Learn to honor Asp the Wiley
When he's trying to be nice.

Rudyard Slipping
"Colorado's Better than Idaho Any Day" and other Poems
Wild West Press, San Francisco, 1902


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:41 PM

Burroughs did a great job tellin' the life story of the Apeman, no doubt about that.

Here are some more handy Ape-English words:

Histah - the snake
Tantor - the elephant
Numa - the lion
Sabor - the lioness
Gumado - sick
Gomangani - a Black man, Black Africans (collectively)
Mangani - the "Great Apes" (chimpanzees)
Bolgani - the Gorilla (not so great)
Horta - the warthog

And that's barely scratchin' the surface.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:52 PM

I think I am gonna be gumado.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:44 PM

i posted something and now it's gone to the great bit bucket in the sky. that's twice in two days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:02 PM

It's because you stopped capitalizing your first-person pronouns. The bits KNOW that's wrong and they flee.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:22 AM

Especially when the proper bits are mixed in with the naughty bits.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:33 AM

just ask santa! i'm on his 'nice' list, just like always. or at least since i cracked his computer a few years back...he shoulda oughta changed his password and login more often. chmod 700, baby, chmod 700!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:35 AM

unless the great khandu gets it first, i got dibs on 43210!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 03:40 PM

The Mayans went up to Georgia
Looking for some maidens fair
To sacrifice at the temple house
But they found no maidens there.

There were married broads a plenty
And deflowered tarts as well,
But the Injuns said to the Mayan lord,
"You're wanting maidens? Hell!!

We're rough and tough and randy
And we hunt and fight real good.
We do beer and gin and brandy,
But we don't do maidenhood."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:16 PM

can't say i'm surprised.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:11 PM

I asked about the shingles shot when I got my flu shot and they said I might have to be a few years older for insurance to pay for it, but I'll check in again and have them research it. Getting older is the pits. First it's the shingles, next thing you know, you have dry wall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:21 PM

pay for it yourself if you must. it's worth it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 11:59 PM

Dry wall! AAAARGH! Don't even talk about it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM

okay. let's talk about sheet rock.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 08:53 PM

okay...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 08:54 PM

...let's see who takes it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:07 PM

Ed T has been in the Mudcat Christmas Tavern, and reports: After sipping far too many Glenfiddich for six hours or so, gnu was as planked as a salmon.

What a way with words! And good Scotch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM

both talisker and sheep dip are better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 10:47 PM

Cajun 12 Days Of Christmas

    Day 1
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las'night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.
    Marie

    Day 2
    Dear Boudreaux,
    You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem.
    Marie

    Day 3
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster.
    Marie

    Day 4
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Mon Dieux! I tol you no more xxxxx birds. Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.
    Marie

    Day 5
    Dear Boudreaux,
    You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
    Marie

    Day 6
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on Christmas day.
    Marie

    Day 7
    Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.
    Marie

    Day 8
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.
    Marie

    Day 9
    Dear Boudreaux,
    What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.
    Marie

    Day 10
    Dear Boudreaux,
    You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin'.
    Marie

    Day 11
    Dear Boudreaux,
    Where y'at? Cheerio an pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.
    Marie

    Day 12
    Dear Boudreaux,
    I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably gross a million nex year.
    Marie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM

Har! Har! Har! Wonderful! Tabernac, I get all teary jus' reading t'rough dat stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 08:35 AM

Ya know ya gots to winner where dat Rapparee gets dis stuff. Him no Arcadian, him, nor Hugonaut neither. I bet he doesn't know a pirogue from a sausage.


But he doan say where he gots dis stuff, hein?


A


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Mudcat time: 29 May 9:44 PM EDT

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