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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 20 Jan 12 - 12:06 PM
gnu 20 Jan 12 - 01:23 PM
Acme 20 Jan 12 - 08:58 PM
Little Hawk 20 Jan 12 - 09:25 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 12 - 10:08 PM
Amos 20 Jan 12 - 10:40 PM
Acme 20 Jan 12 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 12 - 09:38 AM
Acme 21 Jan 12 - 10:07 AM
gnu 21 Jan 12 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 12 - 03:52 PM
gnu 21 Jan 12 - 04:33 PM
Little Hawk 21 Jan 12 - 06:14 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 12 - 09:33 PM
Acme 21 Jan 12 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 01:55 AM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 08:46 AM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 08:52 AM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 09:55 AM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 12 - 10:59 AM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 11:49 AM
Acme 22 Jan 12 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 12:52 PM
gnu 22 Jan 12 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 12 - 01:39 PM
gnu 22 Jan 12 - 02:19 PM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 02:20 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Jan 12 - 02:30 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 06:10 PM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 09:09 PM
gnu 22 Jan 12 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 11:33 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 12 - 07:03 AM
Acme 23 Jan 12 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 23 Jan 12 - 10:00 AM
Amos 23 Jan 12 - 02:08 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 12 - 10:31 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 12 - 11:00 PM
Amos 23 Jan 12 - 11:19 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 09:38 AM
gnu 24 Jan 12 - 01:30 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 12 - 01:52 PM
Amos 24 Jan 12 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 03:38 PM
John MacKenzie 24 Jan 12 - 03:45 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 12 - 05:36 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 06:38 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM
Acme 24 Jan 12 - 11:40 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 12:06 PM

I thought that was a deviant septum? THat's what arises in the seventh son of a fifth son.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 01:23 PM

How many fifths have you had?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 08:58 PM

And how many sons?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 09:25 PM

Son of a......!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 10:08 PM

I don't think Amos has had any children. He may have fathered them, but I doubt very much that he "had" them. But, with modern medicine and all....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 10:40 PM

I find it is much easier to be had by one's children than to have them oneself.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 11:01 PM

Laugh Out Loud!

You got that right, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 09:38 AM

Mom! Stilly's laughing at Amos again! Well, I mean, everyone does. He kinda looks funny and to see him is to laugh or at least giggle a bit. So never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 10:07 AM

Have you done anything funny lately so we can laugh at you with you, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 01:22 PM

Well, it warmed up considerable here this PM of 2. It's now a balmy -21WC. -17C tonight so I expect the WC will be over 30. My furnace is cycling like it's on that there tour of yer France. Forecast for Tuesday is 10C and rain. Old Man Winter is a prick and Mother Nature's a bitch.

AMOS!... can I pitch a tent by yer pool if I promise not to pee in it? The pool, I mean.

Ya know, that reminds me. My old man had a tent that had these 50mm dia glass "grommet windows" on the side that could be opened. They were about 250mm high on a 600mm vertical sidewall. In my youth, in the summer when it was hot, I would sleep in that tent in the back yard. Ever try ta pee laying on yer side? Can't do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 03:52 PM

Well, Stilly, do you count dropping stuff I pick up with my right hand? Like a full gallon pitcher of iced tea? It kinda hit the floor on the bottom and the top was left hanging about three feet up. Got a good fountain effect, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 04:33 PM

Pickin out the highlights of the sceneryyyy, I saw a little cloud, looked a little, like meeee. I'm hip. The water's on fire.

Ya know, I may take up smokin dope again after I retire (less than 2 months!). But, I'll need some good seeds. I suppose I could ask Dale fer some. Dale is a real life Shane. Back woods good ol boy and tough as nails and dumb as a post. My turn of the phrase is, "That boy is so hard, ya could drive him inta solid ground." Well, if he's still alive that is, which is really 50/50 given my knowledge of him. Last time I saw him and Johnny, he was sewed up and in casts from the 4 wheeler accident and Johnnyboy was in a body cast with a broke back and facing insuarance fraud charges from the truck crash. I don't travel up country in that PARticular neck of the woods anymore.

Copperhead Road ain't got nuthin on these good ol boys. They don't SING songs. They LIVE em.

I don't condone what they do. I just kinda admire their pluck, in a way. Lest ye judge, Dale ******* a moose one time and when I said, "Awwww...", he said, "I like to eat. You like to eat?" Ya can't go bad on that. Tasty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 06:14 PM

I guess you never stayed over at Dale's place, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 09:33 PM

I went to church this evening. I try to get there often enough that the roof won't cave in from the shock. I think I saw Shame McBride there, but I was probably wrong. It was probably just a baby with wet, stinky diapers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 10:53 PM

Listen to this week's A Prairie Home Companion if you can. Lots of good Unitarian jokes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 01:55 AM

While sitting in church, I had a terrible thought and the more I consider it the more I believe it's true:

Shame McBride is Chongo's son. He was abandoned at the door of the palatial McBride mansion in Blind River by his father, who left a note readying "Ook! Ook! Ook!" DNA testing is needed, perhaps even DNA tasting (but I draw the line at that). I can think of no reason that this is not only possible but probable. Just to cite a few examples: both are hairy, stink to the highest heaven as if they were the lowest hell, have lice and crabs, drink to excess, are challenged in the area of personal hygiene, bluff and bluster but do nothing, drink anything with alcohol in it, are unintelligent (to put it nicely), and have often been mistaken for each other. Quod erat demonstratum!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 08:46 AM

I went to Mexico Saturday morning, and took drugs. Then a guy, I think it was, was assaulting my and drilled a couple of holes in my head, nearly killed me. If they'd been a couple of inches higher they would have. I barely managed to get out in one piece. Luckily my wife came along and drove me home. I was wounded and exhausted and collapsed in deep sleep for most of the day.

Dangerous area, Mexico.

But at least the sockets for two implants are now in place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 08:52 AM

Here's a cowboy song for ya, Mom, from Steve's concert here in my living room.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:55 AM

Gnu:

Yer welcome to pitch a tent, but we don't have a pool--just a little waterfall pit. For meditating or whatever. It has a 400-year old stone statue of Buddha just above it and the water runs down alongside.

My jaw aches this morning. But I made world-class spaghetts last night.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 10:59 AM

Rapparee, you have gone totally mad. Chongo and Shane are quite different. Get help. Do not delay!

gnu - Where are you, man? I want to know if you ever had the nerve to stay over at Dale's place? If so, what's it like? Or have you only seen it from the outside?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 11:49 AM

Chongo, Shane, McDweeb the Forgotten Barrister, and all the rest of the menagerie -- all are One in Little Hawk. As long as they know they can turn to Little Hawk in times of travail, they will be safe and kept from harm. For such creations, he who is One with Little Hawk need fear no evil. 'Cepting the evil of Little Hawk, of course! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 12:18 PM

How much more of this torture do you have to go through, Amos?

Mike, you have no business thinking in church. You should be taking a nap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 12:52 PM

I TOLD Amos that if he let me inject him with some shark stem cells he'd just grow new teeth, but nooooooooooo....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 01:31 PM

LH... only ever been to Dale's camp and just bein a good neighbour sharin a few ales and stories and songs. 6 camps in the cluster on leased government land. One acre each. I had camp 3 and he had camp 6. Johnny now has camp 6 on accounta Dale got caught and was given 24 hours to vacate. Camp 1 burnt on accounta two guys from camp 1 found a weed patch across the river and flattened it with their 4wheelers. When the grower demanded payment, they said no. That's how their camp became known as camp charcoal.

Now, when my ex-army buddy from Newfoundland (camp 4) said he was goin to the diamond mines out west and told me who the buyer was, I put up a 4sale sign. It's one thing to have acid droppin, weed smokin, beer drinkin, alcool-Kool-Aid swillin, moose poachin, dope growin good ol boys in the cluster but the new neighbour? Well, I stay away from anyone with colours on his back. I heard ya never retire from the Hell's Angels. I heard camp 4 burnt after he fixed it up... hmmmm?

Oh, yeah. Dale didn't get caught doin anythin real bad. He fixed up his camp to provincial standards (toilet inside, running water, hot water, shower, etc) and got it approved for outfitting by the GOVERNMENT. Then, he outfitted. The wardens "caught" him and the lease says "for recreation only". He was deemed to be operating a business and then given 24 hours to vacate. What a bunch a pricks! The boy is finally makin some coin and tryin ta earn an honest livin and the bastards ENTRAP him on a technicality? Jackbooted thugs! There's more to that story but, if ya read this far, that's probably more than enough of a waste a yer time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 01:39 PM

They should make a TV show about those camps, gnu. Sort of like "Trailer Park Boys" only in the bush. (no pun intended)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 02:19 PM

Well, remember the story I told you about the time buddy with the broken wrsit got outta jail for beating on another guy? THAT is trailer park material.

It's a long story... but... Dale got buddy to punch him in his steel hard abs... with his broken wrist. No shit. I saw it happen. I moved on. It was 6AM and I was just being neighbourly by stopping along my way to chat for a brief moment and pretending to partake of "the jug" of orange Kool-Aid and alcool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 02:20 PM

Ya know, Chongo really missed the big banana in his choice of careers. This is one of his peer group who made good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 02:30 PM

I see that my political enemies have airbrushed out the swimsuit, like usual, just tryin' to make me look bad again. Well, let 'em try! Their flimsy allegations ain't gonna stick.

That was definitely a fun afternoon, and the gals were great.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 06:10 PM

Well, they sure didn't airbrush out Chongo's gray whiskers and gray finger hair (we know where THAT comes from!). What's even more interesting is that the ape in the picture is female -- look closely. So, now the Truth About Chongo comes out, hmmm?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:06 PM

To answer Still's question: this installation of sockets is the last hard step. It is followed by six months healing while the bones grow around the sockets, with one checkup in between. Then, finally the actual teeth get installed into the sockets, and presto change-o! Instant carnivore!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:09 PM

So by Getaway you'll be ripping and tearing raw red meat to pieces while blood drips off your chin?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 10:44 PM

Brush and floss?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 11:33 PM

Of course! After he finishes, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 07:03 AM

Dracula always cleaned up after himself. Why wouldn't Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 09:52 AM

Brush and floss or flush and dross, it's all fodder here at MOAB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 10:00 AM

Mom doesn't care, as long as we wash before we eat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 02:08 PM

I always wash before I eat. I washed, for example, on New YEar's day, so I figure I'm good for the future indefinitely. I was also washed when I was born, I am told, so I am doubly good.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 10:31 PM

I'm washed in the blood of the lamb.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 11:00 PM

Which lamb?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 11:19 PM

The penultimate one. That's why he always speaks in lambent penultimeter.

I would be most grateful if you would drop by my newly published page for my future writing enterprises and give it a "Like":

https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-H-Jessup/200564656672881

If you'd like to be added to the notification list as well, just drop by:

www.ahjessup.com

and click on the Get Notified button. The first book, "Beyond the Cascade" is a humdinger and will be going public soon!!

Many, many thanks!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 09:38 AM

I dunno. I was walking by the butcher shop and, well, it was messy and sticky. As I walked home to clean up the cops stopped me and took me first to the cop shop and then to the hospital. After I told them there that I'd been washed in the blood of the lamb they hosed me off and put me in a room with really soft walls. Did YOU ever try to eat with a rubber spoon? And that jacket will never make GQ! Finally they decided that there was nothing much wrong with me that something called "ECT" couldn't cure and so here I am back, whoever I am.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 01:30 PM

A... I certainly would but I don't do face.

Yes, the cover looks great, eh!?

Hmmm... should that be "?!"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 01:52 PM

I don't do Facebook much. Seems mostly like a waste of time to me, and there are troubling issues about privacy. In regards to the latter concern, I recently replaced my Facebook photo with a photo of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan performing at the March on Washington in 1963. Since they are like the Yin and Yang of me, I thought the picture would suit very well to represent me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 02:15 PM

Appreciate it, guys. I needed enough "Likes" to qualify for my own FB URL, which I know have: www.facebook.com/AHJessup . I am feeling my way in this weird jungle of tweets, faces, pluses and amplified shallowness. It is a very strange journey indeed. Fortunately I have people to help me who still remember their youthiness. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 03:38 PM

I'll help you along, Old Timer. Now, remember to put in your teeth and your hearing aids and wear your sweater when you go out because you might catch cold. And if there's no Boy Scout there to help you cross the street just wait for a policeman to come along and help you. Oh, yes -- remember to wear that big tag with your name and address on it; it's bright orange to you can find it easily and don't you dare leave the house without it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 03:45 PM

Well as the Cat's speeded up a bit, I thought I'd revisit Mutha. Nice to see none of you have gained any brains since last



00 post


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 05:36 PM

This is Shit-fer-brains Central here, eh? ;-D And we're proud of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 06:38 PM

And be sure to wear your support stockings and your overshoes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM

43600 to Scotland the Brave!! Toss that camber!!! Tilt that kilt!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:40 PM

I'm sure glad I'm not in Bobert's shipping department! Seems he fired the entire crew. Good thing MOAB folks only held the cash, didn't put stuff in the mail. :)


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