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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 21 Mar 12 - 09:30 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 12 - 09:48 PM
Amos 21 Mar 12 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 22 Mar 12 - 10:11 AM
Acme 22 Mar 12 - 12:19 PM
gnu 22 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM
Acme 22 Mar 12 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 22 Mar 12 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 22 Mar 12 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 12 - 09:58 AM
Little Hawk 23 Mar 12 - 11:10 AM
Amos 23 Mar 12 - 11:26 AM
Rapparee 23 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM
Amos 23 Mar 12 - 05:50 PM
Rapparee 23 Mar 12 - 09:27 PM
Amos 24 Mar 12 - 09:22 AM
Amos 24 Mar 12 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 24 Mar 12 - 11:58 AM
Amos 24 Mar 12 - 12:42 PM
Acme 24 Mar 12 - 12:45 PM
gnu 24 Mar 12 - 03:36 PM
Amos 24 Mar 12 - 05:50 PM
Rapparee 24 Mar 12 - 06:04 PM
Amos 24 Mar 12 - 08:05 PM
gnu 24 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 24 Mar 12 - 11:36 PM
Amos 25 Mar 12 - 12:58 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 10:07 AM
Amos 25 Mar 12 - 11:00 AM
gnu 25 Mar 12 - 11:46 AM
gnu 25 Mar 12 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 02:50 PM
Amos 25 Mar 12 - 03:43 PM
gnu 25 Mar 12 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 06:13 PM
Acme 25 Mar 12 - 07:23 PM
gnu 25 Mar 12 - 08:13 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 08:15 PM
Little Hawk 25 Mar 12 - 08:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 09:04 PM
Little Hawk 25 Mar 12 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 09:43 PM
Little Hawk 25 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM
Amos 25 Mar 12 - 10:25 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 10:51 PM
Acme 25 Mar 12 - 11:42 PM
Amos 26 Mar 12 - 09:32 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 12 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 12 - 09:57 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 09:30 PM

I am ALWAYS ready to talk like Shatner. It is a sacred mission, a sworn duty, an eternal crusade.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 09:48 PM

Tho...then I can thpeak like Daffy Duck. Or P-p-p-p-porky Pig. Or even (dare I attempt it?) Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 11:25 PM

Choose your deities wisely, good bookmanne. I really don't qualify. I would only let you down. Even if I do have a melodious mellifluous marvelously merry and mirthful baritone.

A
First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 10:11 AM

Mellifluous honey-like tones oozing slowly and sweetly from my mouth, and swallowing my words imparts exquisite sweetness while raising my blood glucose. Wisdom winding its way to the auricular organs of others, clad in the most palatable prose possible.

Wow! I can "do" AMOS!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 12:19 PM

I moved my LED sculptural kind of light (it's a base with buttons for different colors that feeds into a beautiful tall acrylic lens). On the radio this morning they said that a red wall in your office will help keep you more on task, and blues and greens are more distracting or restful. My office is green, so I've moved the red light to help motivate me. Who knew that a red light district was more productive?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM

Green is good. Red will raise your blood pressure and stress level. Now, stop staring at the walls and get to work.

"premature emulation"... hehehe


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 05:10 PM

Grrr. Cutworms in the garden. Chomping on my tomatoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 09:18 PM

Use a 10 gauge and really teach 'em a lesson! Or better still, a cannon loaded with grapeshot. You might want to keep the dogs inside when you do this.

There a swarms of box elder bugs in the mulch!!! Death to Box Elder Bugs!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 11:13 PM

Yell, "KREE-GAH!!!" and riddle the entire garden with 50 caliber bullets, followed by a volley of stun grenades. That's what Chongo would do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 09:58 AM

No, it might attract cops. An infestation of cops is a lot worse than box elder bugs. For example, box elder bugs don't eat all your doughnuts. Besides, all I have are fragmentation, thermite and white phosphorous grenades...used all the others for the 4th of July.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 11:10 AM

You're right about that, Rap. Nothing is worse than an infestation of cops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 11:26 AM

I dunno--it might teach ole Rappa a thing or two, kind of like "Junior's first dose".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM

I may have noted this before, and if I did I apologize for the repetition:

Long ago, in a galaxy far away, I was a cop and I was brought up on police brutality charges. They were investigated and dismissed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:50 PM

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
       Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
       And no birds sing.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
       So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrelÕs granary is full,
       And the harvestÕs done.

I see a lily on thy brow,
       With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
       Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
       Full beautifulŃa faeryÕs child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
       And her eyes were wild.


(Keats! KEats!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 09:27 PM

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?


       --"Big Billy" Yeats, The Second Coming


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 09:22 AM

How dost thy friend, yon Rapparee
Improve each shining hour?
By wandering very dutifully,
From flower unto flower.

Chesapeake R. Brookes III,
Oyster Bay NEw York, 1939


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 11:21 AM

i sing of Olaf glad and big         
by E. E. Cummings



i sing of Olaf glad and big
whose warmest heart recoiled at war:
a conscientious object-or

his wellbelovˇd colonel(trig
westpointer most succinctly bred)
took erring Olaf soon in hand;
but--though an host of overjoyed
noncoms(first knocking on the head
him)do through icy waters roll
that helplessness which others stroke
with brushes recently employed
anent this muddy toiletbowl,
while kindred intellects evoke
allegiance per blunt instruments--
Olaf(being to all intents
a corpse and wanting any rag
upon what God unto him gave)
responds,without getting annoyed
"I will not kiss your fucking flag"

straightway the silver bird looked grave
(departing hurriedly to shave)

but--though all kinds of officers
(a yearning nation's blueeyed pride)
their passive prey did kick and curse
until for wear their clarion        
voices and boots were much the worse,
and egged the firstclassprivates on
his rectum wickedly to tease
by means of skilfully applied
bayonets roasted hot with heat--
Olaf(upon what were once knees)
does almost ceaselessly repeat
"there is some shit I will not eat"

our president,being of which
assertions duly notified        
threw the yellowsonofabitch
into a dungeon,where he died

Christ(of His mercy infinite)
i pray to see;and Olaf,too

preponderatingly because
unless statistics lie he was
more brave than me:more blond than you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 11:58 AM

Harris and the Mare
      Stan Rodgers

Harris, my old friend, good to see your face again
More welcome, though, yon trap and that old mare
For the wife is in a swoon, and I am all alone
Harris, fetch thy mare and take us home.
The wife and I came out for a quiet glass of stout
And a word or two with neighbors in the room.
But young Clary, he came in, as drunk and wild as sin
And swore the wife would leave the place with him.
But the wife as quick as thought said, "No, I'll bloody not"
Then struck the brute a blow about the head.
He raised his ugly paw, and he lashed her on the jaw
And she fell onto the floor like she were dead.
Now Harris, well you know, I've never struck an angry blow
Nor would I keep a friend who raised his hand;
I was a conscie in the war, cryin' "What the hell's this for?"
But I had to see his blood to be a man.
I grabbed him by his coat, spun him 'round and took his throat
And beat his head upon the parlor door.
He dragged out an awful knife, and he roared "I'll have your life"
And he stuck me and I fell onto the floor.
Now blood I was from neck to thigh, bloody murder in his eye
As he shouted out "I'll finish you for sure!"
But as the knife came down, I lashed out from the ground
And the knife was in his breast and he rolled o'er.
Now with the wife as cold as clay I carried her away --
No hand was raised to help us through the door,
And I've brought her half a mile, but I've had to rest a while
And none of them I'll call a friend no more.
For when the knife came down, I was helpless on the ground
No neighbor stayed his hand, I was alone
By God, I was a man, but now I cannot stand --
Please, Harris, fetch thy mare, take us home!
Oh, Harris, fetch thy mare, and take us out of here
In my nine and fifty years I've never known
That to call myself a man, for my loved one I must stand --
Now Harris, fetch thy mare take us home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 12:42 PM

Dear Lord, Rapp, what an orful, blood-chilling, beautiful poem.

Thanks for it; I had ne'er seen it before today!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 12:45 PM

I'll go for short and no messy diacriticals:

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

--William Carlos Williams (whose name is almost as long as that poem.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 03:36 PM

Stan. What a man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 05:50 PM

COuldn't agree more. Love that guy.

In purusing assorted literary sites, I came across a really funny summary of a literary parody:

America's most beloved writer, Lilian Jackson Braun, author of twenty-five Cat Who... mysteries, is now the subject of a mystery herself. In Robert Kaplow's brilliant and bawdy parody, Ms. Braun's headless body has been discovered in the men's room of a bar in Lower Manhattan. The police are busy filming reality television shows, so it falls to Braun's writer friend James Qafka and his Siamese cats, Ying-Tong and Poon-Tang, to solve the ghastly mystery.

Q's quest leads him on a wildly satirical chase that combines the spirits of Lenny Bruce, Dashiell Hammett, and the Hope/Crosby "Road" pictures. Before it's over, we've encountered a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, a sex-starved suburban housewife, a mysterious Hollywood diary, Harry Houdini, a sinister cult, and two gifted cats who lead Q. and his spunky undergraduate assistant to finally unravel the riddle of The Cat Who Killed Lilian Jackson Braun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 06:04 PM

Gee. I'm really and truly am surprised about that, Amos. I'd have thought you'd run across "Harris and the Mare" before today. Have you heard "Canol Road," "Night Guard," and "The Idiot?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 08:05 PM

WEll, I had heard a couple of them, but the Mare had escaped me somehow.

Thanks for the links.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM

I was mistaken for Stan by many pub patrons on a number of nights at the pubs I played. I was fatter but, at a bit of a distance, I looked like him and, when I could sing, I sounded somewhat like him. My mate Chris used to call me Stan. I thought it was a wonderful compliment.

I often think of Chris these many years later. I think he is now a commercial jet pilot flying out of Iqaluit, Nunavut. His spoons were great and he could play a mean geetar. A bit of fiddle too. And when he would play the tin whistle to my Rhan, I was in heaven. His rendition of THE BAND PLAYED WALTZING MATILDA (sorry for the caps lock) was always the last song at our, well, MY, kitchen sessions, by my request. Never failed to make me cry. The lad is good. I miss having sessions. I truly miss the music. God giveth and God pisses you off. Ya got no say eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 12 - 11:36 PM

Since next Sunday is Palm Sunday and the next Sunday is Easter, it's time for my First Annual Heresy (my local pastor is aware of this and has given me both an imprimatur and a nihil obstat).

Do you realize that, according to the Bible, Jesus of Nazareth wasn't even in town for His Own resurrection? See John 19:40-42.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 12:58 AM

Couldn't have been much of a party, eh?

I feel for ya, Gnuzer. Come out here and we'll do some jams!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:07 AM

Both of ya drop by here -- I got more room. Bring LH and Stilly and 999 and Old dude; gnu, pick up Kendall on the way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 11:00 AM

Now that's a crackerjack idea, providing it's done int he Spring. ABsolutely crackerjack. Lay it, Bookmeister!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 11:46 AM

A... fact is, I can't. Smoking, a wrist ganglion and arthritis. Sold my geetar, mandy... gave away my whistles, bones. Still have my Rhans... gonna leave em to the church and piss off my cousins, the ungrateful Irish bastards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 01:55 PM

Last kitchen session I had was with Beer. 2007.08.17. Just us. A wonderful night repleat with beer, fine scotch, BBQd steaks with all the trimmins and a lovey pie I baked (at my house, I'll put on the dog fer guests) and we swapped geetars even tho I couldn't play or sing worth shit. Beer tells a different story, but I think the booze affected his hearing.

And, to cap it all off, I preformed a magic trick. Rubbed my cheek just under my ear and said, "Adrien, can you see a lump?" to which he answered yes. He watched in amazement as I massaged the lump from under my ear to just in front of the "hard part" of the cheek, at which time the area decribed began to swell until I looked like a lopsided chipmunk. A parotid stone had lodged in the duct and dammed the flow of saliva. Thus began 5 months of hell all because the doc didn't believe my story. F'in quack!

Didn't even get to eat much of my supper but that made more room for alcohol... which I was in need of.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 02:50 PM

So? You can get a ganglion cyst removed; I've had it done. Or you can whack it with a hard object; I've done that too, inadvertently, but I don't recommend it. Pick up Beer AND Kendall. Heck, bring Jacqui too. In fact, start a convoy; add Spaw as you pass through Ohio and swing up to Michigan get Big Mick.

Bring the 'rhans, if you can't play 'em we can use 'em for targets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 03:43 PM

I'll bring a spare geetar for you to plunk on, Gnuzer. And you still have a voice. You and Kendall can split duties--you make the voice and he'll do the filthy gestures...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 04:20 PM

You sound like my cousins and The Irish Society. Play... sing...

What do you not unerstand about "I Can't." And it sucks.

As for the ganglion, my doc tells me surgery might work for six months and then, who knows. Cortizone shots are not an option on accounta what happened to a buddy. Smackin it IS an option but I got a better way... swing a hammer building something. It works. But, as soon as I play again, the SOB comes back. So, seeing as how I don't make a living at it, I chose to listen rather than play. Yes, I am miserable over it but I can still masturbate... slowly... which is the way I like it and at least that's a compromise.

There. Now are youse listening? I can cook, clean and listen but I can't play or sing. I see Dr. Marie-Josée Allard at 10:50 tomorrow to have my vocal cords inspected and decide what's next. First op was in 1998. I hope there are no more.

Sorry for the rant. I am feelin low.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 06:13 PM

If you got really, really lucky you'd snare someone like Jacqui, like Kendall did.

Or you can just enjoy. Hell, I'll teach you the trumpet and in a couple days -- no more! -- you'll play as well as I do. Beside, anybody can play and/or sing (just turn on the radio or TV), but not everyone can cook. And if there ain't no cooks there ain't no singers or players.

Yeah, it's tough. But you also got MOABites to cheer you on. Just take Amos...please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 07:23 PM

All of this scooting around the perimeter states of the US and a side trip into Canukistan to pick up people - the simplest thing is for everyone to head straight for the middle. You got it, Texas.

Just let me know so I can set up some camping spots if I run out of beds in the house. The dogs will enjoy some company out in the yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:13 PM

Texas ain't in the middle. And I don't do HEAT. I am Irish, red hair (well some), blue eyes, fair skin, so I would light on fire in Texas. Anyway, I would love to meet all of you for a session. But, that would require a lottery win so I'll just keep wasting $ on tickets and hope for the best. See youse all soon. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:15 PM

Belle Fourche, South Dakota is the geographical center of the US. Wanna have everyone meet there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:47 PM

JLOTMABLMYAIKE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:53 PM

Alright, alright, you don't have to come if you don't want to. But you'll miss out. Even Mom will be there, more or less sober.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:04 PM

I did it! I did it! I snagged 44244 without even planning to do it!

Talk about AWESOME!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:05 PM

Very cool. You know, I really would like to come, Rap. But I can't. Duty calls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:43 PM

Duty, booty! Booty calls! Pillaging! Murder! Rapine! Piracy! Sacking! Looting!

Surely you want in on all that, don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM

Hmmmm. Pretty tempting, I must admit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:25 PM

Well, Rapparee promising booty is kinda like Rapparee writing those Shakespearean sonnets. Besides, he may not have noticed but the phrase "booty calls" has a new definition int hese modern times...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:51 PM

It's all part of The Call, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 11:42 PM

Gary, I am Irish and Scandinavian. Blonde, blue eyes, pasty white. And I don't do heat particularly well either, but here I am. Someone has to do it. And I figure if I can do it, all of you can manage a few days. Rap probably gets a fair dose of heat in the summer up there in the high desert, so I'm not the only one of Mom's kids who has to suffer it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:32 AM

It's odd, ya know. My grammae were a Campbell a Clark, as Anglo as they come, and my father raised in Rochester, my mother in Roxbury. But somewhere down the cascade of time we must have picked up a Roman gene, so I wasn't left with pale white skin, but a tad of color enoughto fend off the sun. Wherever that lick of the tarbrush came from, I am suitably grateful.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:56 AM

I just wear a lightweight long-sleeve shirt and a hat or cap during the hot season. Pants are optional, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:57 AM

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have to wear socks and shoes or they won't let me into restaurants and stores.


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