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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 04 Oct 12 - 12:15 PM
MMario 04 Oct 12 - 12:31 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 12 - 01:57 PM
MMario 04 Oct 12 - 02:33 PM
gnu 04 Oct 12 - 03:01 PM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 12 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 12 - 06:39 PM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 12 - 08:27 PM
Amos 04 Oct 12 - 11:25 PM
Acme 05 Oct 12 - 12:04 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 12 - 12:08 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 12 - 10:02 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 12 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 12 - 10:17 AM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 12 - 11:25 AM
Amos 05 Oct 12 - 04:30 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 12 - 06:22 PM
gnu 05 Oct 12 - 07:33 PM
Acme 06 Oct 12 - 12:42 AM
Little Hawk 06 Oct 12 - 12:43 AM
gnu 06 Oct 12 - 06:53 AM
Amos 06 Oct 12 - 11:20 AM
Little Hawk 06 Oct 12 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 12 - 11:58 AM
Amos 06 Oct 12 - 12:08 PM
Acme 06 Oct 12 - 01:01 PM
Little Hawk 06 Oct 12 - 01:09 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 12 - 03:43 PM
gnu 06 Oct 12 - 05:41 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 12 - 07:32 PM
gnu 06 Oct 12 - 08:27 PM
Little Hawk 06 Oct 12 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 12 - 10:30 PM
Amos 07 Oct 12 - 10:08 AM
Acme 07 Oct 12 - 01:52 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 12 - 04:58 PM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 12 - 12:37 AM
Acme 08 Oct 12 - 12:39 AM
Amos 08 Oct 12 - 01:01 AM
Rapparee 08 Oct 12 - 10:00 AM
Amos 08 Oct 12 - 10:18 AM
Acme 08 Oct 12 - 11:45 AM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 12 - 02:27 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 12 - 02:47 PM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 12 - 03:09 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 12 - 03:21 PM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 12 - 03:36 PM
gnu 08 Oct 12 - 04:04 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 12 - 06:27 PM
Acme 08 Oct 12 - 06:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 12:15 PM

I have completed the longterm care of my parents. They have both departed this plane of existence. It is my own longterm care that someone must deal with now... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 12:31 PM

Dad says he'll make it to 100; he made us promise him dancing girls and horses with plumes and he intends to get them!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 01:57 PM

For his 100th birthday? What does he want for his 200th?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 02:33 PM

Probably what he asks for every other birthday;

"Whatever your mother requests"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 03:01 PM

Got my new toy. But I got a black one instead of a white one because they only had one and it was black. Well, it's still black but now they don't have any black ones either.

I shall arrange a connection to electrical power for it tomorrow and take it for a spin and put er through the paces, eh, and she if she's the horse she's supposed to be. BIG batch a fish cakes and then pizza dough and then maybe some asphaltic concrete for patching my driveway... I can get my money back within 30 days if I am dissatisfied in any way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 03:31 PM

Just thinking, gnu...what if we had a worldwide cataclysm that killed about 2/3 to 3/4 of the population, knocked out our power grid and transportation systems, and reduced the scattered survivors to something like a stone age existence.

What would happen to that kitchen thingie you just bought?

Maybe some scientists would find it 10,000 years from now and have to speculate on whether it was:

- a religious artifact
- a ceremonial object
- an art object
- a weapon of some kind
- etc.

They'd advance theories about it. The one who found it would get it named after him. It would sit in a glass case in some museum.

Why would this come to my mind? Danged if I know, but it did.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 06:39 PM

I got a new toy too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 08:27 PM

Nice. Chongo loves to play with those. Have you tried it out yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 12 - 11:25 PM

I have had an exhausted day recovering from a day in a tin tube cruising at 30,000 feet or whatever the right number is. I have to say I have become very impressed with North Carolina. We even got an evening with Chance and Suzette Shiver before we all crashed late Tuesday night. Wednesday dawn it was farewell to Micca, Chance, Suzette, off to Charlotte, while Dani and I headed to the airport and I set off to cross the continent in cramped quarters.

Betweent he Getaway's transcendent emotional and spiritual experience (they have excellent spirits) and the hospitality of Janie and Dnai I was most reluctant to leave the East, and between the sleep deprivation and the overburn of B complex, I am duly staggered my first day home.

But the music!! The voices, few and many, piping thin as a flute and crashing as strong as a hurricane of sound--the music I shall never forget or outlive.

Our Manne of Emms has the most wonderful voice. He should make records.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 12:04 AM

Long day. Another one tomorrow. MOM, feed the dogs if I get home late.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 12:08 AM

So does your Manne of Booques, but he's shy and retiring and can't remember the words so he might sometime make them up as he goes. E.g.:

Rise again, rise again
So her flour won't be lost
To the tastebuds of men
All those who love pie best
And were with her at the end
Will make the something something something do something again.

Or

Come all ye people, come gather round
La dee da da dee da dee da dee dound
Dum dum diddle diddley dum, I can't remember the words.

Or

The moon it shone down on old Dublin Town
When the deadly fight was o'er.
Thousands lay on the cold, cold ground
Sure to get a bad cold.
The moon it shone down on O'Connell Street
Where a purse full of gold guineas lay
Awaiting the next person to come along
And empty it with his mates in the nearest pub.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 10:02 AM

Tomorrow. Just you guys wait!

'Nuff said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 10:07 AM

AT LAST!!!

I asked the Online Oracle (see another thread) and got The Answer!!!

Your question was:
Is Shame McBride a hermaphrodite?

THE ORACLE answers:

Maybe.


All is now clear!!!! All that is needed is a medical exam, if you can get a doctor who touch him, even inside a decontamination suit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 10:17 AM

That last a a palindromic number and I didn't even notice!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 11:25 AM

More wisdom from the Online Oracle:



Your question was:
Is Amos having an illicit affaire with Chinga the Chimp?

THE ORACLE answers:

Yes, if you rely on your first impression.




Ha! I KNEW it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 04:30 PM

Unfortunately, that IF statement only returns "T" in the hands of dipsomaniacs and self-indulgent solipsistic ne'er-do-wells, so it doesn't have a lot of merit in the ranks of great wisdom. But hey, if it makes ya giggle, go fer it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 06:22 PM

Will Chonga Chimp ever acknowledge what s/he did to his/her mother and sister?
THE ORACLE answers:
No.

Can Chinga ever forgive Chonga?
THE ORACLE answers:
No, appreciate things as they are.

Is Chonga really a citizen of the United States?
THE ORACLE answers:
No.


The truth at last, and a presidential campaign scuttled!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Oct 12 - 07:33 PM

"What would happen to that kitchen thingie you just bought?"????

It would not be used until power was restored.

Ain't that obvious?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 12:42 AM

First test of my Kitchenaid stand mixer was a big batch of mashed potatoes. They came out fantastic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 12:43 AM

I'd like to use one of those things on the raccoon that's been pillaging and despoiling my bird feeders.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 06:53 AM

SRS... me too, during the process of making fishcakes. However! I let the spuds cool BEFORE I "mashed" them. Damn near like asphalt! The 300w motor was moaning cyclicly under the load but it got the job done. Adding the fish increased the laod but, by golly, she chewed thru the task and it didn't hurt my arthrtic hands! I have never seen mashed spuds that thick and sticky in my life. Making the cakes was a chore. = I am impressed! Should bought one years ago.

On to pizza dough next. Or maybe another batch of fish cakes... mine are gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 11:20 AM

Good Morning, Fayre Mither!

I tis Saturday the weekend is here, finally we poor slavies are released from bondage and toil under the suspicious eyes of hard-hearted overseers.

Except me. I am NOT released from bondage and toil, having been shut of suchthings for some time now. And let me tell you it is a strange and wonderful process finding out the taste of this peculiar freedom.

I have been playing with my new mikes and mixer to see how the recordings sound. They sound very nice. Tomorrow an audio tech friend will come over and sort out how they SHOULD sound.

The Getaway was purely good times. I am still shaking off the vibes and lingering images.

But they are good vibes, good pictures, so I am not in any hurry.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 11:31 AM

What you should be doing with all that free time you have now is working for Chongo and the APP and getting out the vote to put a REAL chimp in the White House. Don't you care at all about establishing equal primate rights? Fie, sir! Fie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 11:58 AM

I am still shaking off the vibes and lingering images.

Hangover, you mean. And I have some of those "lingering images" and it'll cost you a BUNCH for me not to post them.

Oh, hell. It's my 39th Wedding Anniversary and as my present to you I'll probably maybe destroy the pictures if I get around to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 12:08 PM

Congratulations on surviving 39 years of marriage. As for your scurrilous innuendoes, all I can say is I insist on receiving the negatives.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 01:01 PM

Congrats, Rap!

Good news on the maiden voyage of the mixer, gnu. Even though these devices are a powerhouse, that doesn't mean you can't speed up the process a little. I always mix the potatoes when they're hot, and use water they boiled in to thin them down to the proper consistency. If you've left them till they're cold then a few strokes with a potato masher in the bowl before putting it under the beater arm makes the job go smoother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 01:09 PM

They don't do anything that a small tactical nuke can't do just as well, and in half the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 03:43 PM

We have a Oster Kitchen Center that does all of that stuff AND works as a blender and a grinder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 05:41 PM

"... then a few strokes with a potato masher in the bowl before putting it under the beater arm makes the job go smoother." Ahhhh, that's EXACTLY what I was trying to avoid when I laid out the $. If I could still mash, knead and thrash without pain I wouldn't have a new mixer. It's simple... don't let em cool off before beatin tha crap out of em.

Nearly had a chance to try squirrel puree but the little bastard got out of my garage before I could get the door closed. My neighbour feeds it peanuts because it's soooo cute. Cute like a stomach pump! And, I have a BRAND NEW hockey stick I bought a long time ago but never had the chance to shoot squirrel with. Maybe next time?

Tho, it is cute. It runs along the telephone wires with peanuts in it's mouth and jumps from tree to tree. It's quite something to watch the antics. Very entertainig. The best acrobatic trick I saw was last fall when one of it's forebearers climbed the power pole out back and danced on the ceramic potential protection of a transformer. It was like watching David Coppersquirrel... a disappearing act... one minute it was there and then POOF! it was gone and all that remained was a puff of smoke! So was the electrical power to my house. Not much of an illusion, really, when yer lyin on the ground and there is smoke eminating from yer fried nuts.

Rats! with bushy tails! But they ARE cute, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 07:32 PM

Watch what happens when one of them makes a jump for a branch and misses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 08:27 PM

"... and misses." Watch? Ya don't have to. Ya can hear the little bastards squeak for hours about how pissed off they are. They get pissed off just because you are walking near the tree they are in. And they won't shut up.

I have never killed one just because it was annoying me with incessant complaining but I have raised my gun and thought it would be a waste of ammo and decided against "it". And, they yap at everything, including large buck deer, so they can be "used" to advantage, especially in wet weather. Hmmm... not for general discussion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 10:16 PM

I feed the squirrels too, gnu. I love the little rascals. I've got red ones, black ones, and gray ones, and I feed them all. They're so cute! ;-) I love the way they stand with their little hands folded in almost a "prayer" position, not to mention the way they holler and bitch from the trees whenever they get pissed off, which happens quite frequently. If you imitate them, they get even more upset (same as dogs do).

By the way, I like rats too. Ever seen "Ratatouille"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 12 - 10:30 PM

AND they taste good when prepared correctly! Squirrel recipes. And other things...like guinea pigs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 12 - 10:08 AM

I think that's true of life in general, except maybe spatulas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 12 - 01:52 PM

Ah, spatulas! Now that was a thread, wasn't it?

Rap, I love that 1970s Harvest Gold. So the monster hasn't died or burned up yet, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 12 - 04:58 PM

It works fine, as far as I know. We haven't used it recently, though.

If you like the Harvest Gold you'd love our downstairs kitchen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 12:37 AM

Cannibals say that people taste good too, Rap. "Almost like chicken..." they say.

Squirrels, on the other hand, do not eat ANY other living creature, but only dine on plant matter of various sorts such as seeds and nuts.

Seems to me that it is they who hold the higher moral ground here.

(Rats, on the other hand, will eat just about anything, given the chance...) But they're still cute and cuddly once you get to know them! Are you? I rest my case. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 12:39 AM

I've seen squirrels eating dead animals, including other squirrels in the road. They aren't the gentle little herbivores you represent, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 01:01 AM

Manatee, on the other hand, have no natural enemies except motorboat propellors, and they live on river-bottom weeds. Much sweeter than squirrel. They're kinda like maritime Schmoos.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 10:00 AM

Manatees will willing become food and taste like whatever you want them to? Schmoos do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 10:18 AM

I didn't discuss that aspect with them, sir; my visit was brief, barely long enough for initial salutations and high-level ideas.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 11:45 AM

We're dating ourselves, all even knowing what Schmoos are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 02:27 PM

Stilly, if squirrels are eating carrion, they're doing us all a favor. What I meant was, they don't deliberately pursue prey and kill it in order to eat it. We do (usually by proxy).

Take, for instance, the time Rapparee serenaded an attractive Manatee for days, thus gaining the poor creature's trust, then smacked it on the head with a club and served up Manatee steaks to his Legion mates at Thanksgiving! Shockingly cruel behaviour! No squirrel would do such a thing. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 02:47 PM

That's a big fat fib, you fibber! I never used a club!

As for squirrels -- we had a bird feeder in our backyard in Indiana. For several days I found birds -- different species -- with the tops of their heads bitten off. One day I say, with my own eyes, a gray squirrel jump on a robin and bite the top of its head off. Perhaps it was for the birdseed, but I really don't know why it did it; I never looked for marks that the squirrel was eating the birds because the carcases were usually in poor shape when I found them.

This particular squirrel met with a fatal accident shortly after I witnessed the event.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 03:09 PM

That is very unusual, Rap! The squirrels and birds here have been coexisting with no problems. Perhaps that specific squirrel was a psycho...a sort of Jack the Ripper of the squirrel nation. I think you did the right thing in administering justice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 03:21 PM

I never thought of it until reading the BS thread titles, but maybe that was a zombie squirrel out to eat brains. All good zombies these days are looking for brains to eat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 03:36 PM

Could be...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 04:04 PM

"Stilly, if squirrels are eating carrion, they're doing us all a favor. What I meant was, they don't deliberately pursue prey and kill it in order to eat it."

Oh dear. You really don't know squirrels... aaaat all.

They will deliberately kill and eat anything they can. Better be careful when you are feeding yer cute furry little rats with bushy tails. If there are enough of them and you are not alert, well, I wouldn't THAT on my headstone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 06:27 PM

This is an appropriate time to post this.

On October 8, 1946, the most horrible event in the history of the world happened.

In the delivery room at St. Mary's Hospital, Quincy, Illinois, my brother Tony was born. That's right -- from then on I was no longer The Center Of The Universe! People no longer oohed and aahed over me, but over the "cute baby" (even though he was and still is uglier than twenty miles of mud fence). I did my best to convince my parents it was a mistake, to toss him back, to return him, but in vain -- they kept him. Even today I have a brother who's dumber than a cedar stump, uglier than home-made sin, and the father of seven kids (most of whom have managed to overcome their paternal handicap) and two grandkids (one of whom had a birthday yesterday). Sure, he was in Vietnam at the same time I was flitting around the Korean DMZ. Sure, he's pretty smart for someone so dumb. Sure, he's my only remaining brother and I'd have his back anytime just as he'd have mine.

Still, it was a horrible, terrible thing my parents did, diverting all the attention from me and making me share stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 06:58 PM

Life IS tough, isn't it? My parents had three of 'em after me.


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