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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 25 Oct 12 - 10:45 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Oct 12 - 11:29 AM
Amos 25 Oct 12 - 04:49 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Oct 12 - 05:12 PM
gnu 25 Oct 12 - 05:27 PM
Amos 25 Oct 12 - 06:00 PM
gnu 25 Oct 12 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 12 - 07:03 PM
Little Hawk 26 Oct 12 - 12:03 AM
GUEST,999 26 Oct 12 - 07:05 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 12 - 09:34 AM
MMario 26 Oct 12 - 12:04 PM
Amos 26 Oct 12 - 02:49 PM
gnu 26 Oct 12 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 12 - 04:40 PM
Amos 27 Oct 12 - 12:41 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 12 - 12:45 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Oct 12 - 02:36 AM
Amos 27 Oct 12 - 04:18 AM
Amos 27 Oct 12 - 11:57 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Oct 12 - 12:50 PM
gnu 27 Oct 12 - 02:31 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 12 - 07:42 PM
Rapparee 27 Oct 12 - 11:14 PM
Acme 28 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 12:42 AM
Amos 28 Oct 12 - 02:19 AM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 11:23 AM
gnu 28 Oct 12 - 12:41 PM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 12 - 02:17 PM
Amos 28 Oct 12 - 02:40 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 02:48 PM
gnu 28 Oct 12 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 03:48 PM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 12 - 06:48 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 09:18 PM
Amos 28 Oct 12 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 11:36 PM
Amos 29 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM
Acme 29 Oct 12 - 01:09 AM
Amos 29 Oct 12 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 10:13 AM
Acme 29 Oct 12 - 10:55 AM
Amos 29 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM
gnu 29 Oct 12 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 03:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 03:39 PM
Rapparee 30 Oct 12 - 09:40 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 10:45 AM

I don't know about the hot/skank look of Winona, but I do like her handbag.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 11:29 AM

So you are urgin' people to confront the situation as it IS, are ya, Amos? Ha! That's funny. Look, Roscoe, it was YOU who invented a fictional sister for me for no other purpose than to embarass me and cause trouble. I figger yer just an Obama stooge tryin' to make political hay out of a false story, nothin' more to it than that.

This was after you had found some loco in the coco nutbar female Chimp down in Mexico, one crazy enough to give herself an obscene Spanish name! God knows what you are doin' with her when you go down there...I don't even want to KNOW about that! It's disgustin'.

But then you work up a little conspiracy to have her claim to be my sister???? For shame! You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. (Hmmmm....now who was it who said that?) Anytime I been down you just stood there grinnin'. I know what it is with you. You just wanta be on the side that's winnin'. Well, mister, one day you are gonna be standin' in my shoes, yer gonna hafta deal with the Mystery Tramp yerself, and then you'll see how it feels!

Yessiree.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 04:49 PM

THen I'll know what a drag it is to see you!!

Seriously though, Chinga is not going to be put off with a bunch of denial and bluster from the scalawag ne'er-do-well bum that she helped change diapers on when she was a sprat. Fuhgeddaboudit! One day, she's gonna pick up yer trail, and let's hope your bank accounts are all off-shore when that happens, you hypothetical fuzz-faced slacker.

Trust all is well with you,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 05:12 PM

You got the bald-faced nerve to say she's gonna "pick up" my trail and say in the same breath that I'm not real??? You are losin' it, mister. You need professional help...by which I mean a couple good whacks with a tire iron.

Look, if I did have a relative named "Chinga" and she was livin' in Mexico, she woulda had the sense to change her name a long time ago! We apes are not as stupid as some of you humans are, y'know...specially not in my family. We pay attention to culture and we adapt. This is how we've survived for over 20 million years, and it's probably how we'll outlive you and your relatives in the long run. One day yer gonna look at Mount Rushmore and see 4 ape heads there, buddy.

Charlton Heston useta have nightmares about stuff like that. That's what drove him crazy in the end, and it's probably why he was a Republican too.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 05:27 PM

Sparrow farts... I was minded of a song I truly love.

WARNING... Jethro Tull in the house...

Jethro Tull Sparrow On The Schoolyard Wall

Songwriters: IAN ANDERSON

You want to be a bookworm? You wanna be aloof?
You wanna sit in judgement, looking down from the roof?
Try a wee sensation: but first you have to want to join in.
You should be, should be raging down the freeway
With some friends from the mall.
Don't stay forever in your limbo: fly before you fall
Little sparrow on the schoolyard wall.

So dress a little dangerous and modify your walk.
There's nothing wrong with sparrows, but try
To be a sparrowhawk.
Hunting in the evening and floating in the heat in the day.
You might, might acquire some predatory instinct.
Do the wolf pack crawl.
Don't stay forever in your limbo: fly before you fall
Little sparrow on the schoolyard wall.

Well, I don't want to be your daddy.
Don't want to be your engineer of sin.
And I don't want to play the piper here.
I'm only banging on a mandolin
And anyway, you're just a little sparrow
On the schoolyard wall.

There's nothing wrong with learning. Nothing wrong With your books.
So exercise some judgement. Too much broth can spoil the cook.
Feel a little sensation and know when it's time to join in.
You should be, should be raging down the freeway
With some friends from the mall.
Don't stay forever in your limbo: fly before you fall
Little sparrow on the schoolyard wall.

Tull. Such amazing poetry and story telling and musicianship. Yes, truly disconcerting at times in their description of human reality but one of my votes for the best yet. I like the pipes, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 06:00 PM

Beautiful stuff, Gnu!

Chongo, Chinga does not live in Mexico. You are, as usual, confused, probably from telling too many false stories about her. She will pick up your trail in the universe in which you both reside, and when she does, your days will turn to sorrow, gay-RUN-teed. Woe will betide, for you, as you know perfectly well, have sinned against your own blood and lived a dishonorable (relative) life.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 06:45 PM

A.... that line... Too much broth can spoil the cook. Sometimes, one single clause can endear a song to me forever. That is one. Here is another from Tull... "And with the clearest eyes of forever grey". I shall leave your imagination to discover (conjecture perhaps) the circumstances...

White Innocence

Songwriters: IAN ANDERSON

She drifted from some minor festival.
Didn't look like any summner of love:
Just a thousand weekend warriors in a muddy field.
She was the hand to fit my glove.
Funny thing, the innocence of the lonely.
Funny thing, the charm of the young.

See how she moves just like two angels (in white innocence).
Yet one of them is on the run.
The other's tapping at my car window
And I'm squinting through the sun
Trying to see if she's some child of the nineties:
Or just another dangerous fantasy of mine.
Yeah. White innocence.
She was white innocence.

A perfect hole was in her stocking:
It made a perfect window to her heart.
I could have moved among her waterfalls:
Her misty curtains drawn apart.
Did she see warm safety in my numbers
To want to hitch a ride this way?
Felt like I was taking her to market now
To be sold as the last lot of the day.
Funny thing, the distance of the lonely.
Funny thing, the charm of the young.
White innocence.

She pressed the button, lowered the window:
Let her hand trail in the slipstream of the night.
A frost from nowhere seemed to lick her fingers:
I could have warmed them, but the moment wasn't right.
Obvious, she was headed nowhere special:
Yes, well it was even obvious to me.
I was doing some, some watching, some waiting:
She'd been here before, most definitely.

There was the promise of early bed-time.
There was the promise of heaven on earth.
Think I was sending out low-voltage electricity:
Played it right down for what it was worth.
She turned and looked at me in white innocence
And with the clearest eyes of forever grey
She rested one small hand for a second on my knee:
I stopped the car. She walked away.
Funny thing, the wisdom of the lonely.
Funny thing, the charm of the young.
Away you go now.
White innocence.

I dunno if I should advise you to seek these songs at YT... they are not played in folk fashion.

Oh... "Crumbs on the breakfast table and a million other things to spoil my day." is another.

Did I say I was a Tull fan? I'll stop now.

But it's damn hard!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 12 - 07:03 PM

Amos! Guess what I found! It's the Lone Ranger's Creed!

I believe...

    that to have a friend, a man must be one.
    that all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world.
    that God put the firewood there, but that every man must gather and light it himself.
    in being prepared physically, mentally, and morally to fight when necessary for that which is right.
    that a man should make the most of what equipment he has.
    that 'this government of the people, by the people, and for the people' shall live always.
    that men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number.
    that sooner or later...somewhere...somehow...we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken.
    that all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever.
    in my Creator, my country, my fellow man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 12:03 AM

Wow! That is good stuff. The Lone Ranger was definitely on the right track, aside from his rather paternal way of treating Tonto.

"that men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number."

Socialism! Gosh, who'da thunk the Lone Ranger would be on the same side as Fidel Castro? I am delighted to find out that he had such high ideals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,999
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 07:05 AM

This is post 46261. Say it backwards ten times. You'll hear what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 09:34 AM

I did that and now I can't get my tongue untied.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 12:04 PM

"Say it backwards ten times"

ti.
ti.
ti.ti.ti.ti.ti.
ti.ti.ti.

What were we suppossed t hear?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 02:49 PM

SPINNNER SPINNNNER!!! SPINNNNNNNER!!!!!



46264



Neeeener....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 02:57 PM

I went out with a spinner once. THAT is real screwing.

Yo, 9! Whaddya at b'y? Slummin? Ya'd fit roight in, ye would.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM

No, he has dropped by to give the place an additional touch of class. I'm usually around, trying my very best to give this joint a high tone (F over high C or better) and some of that-there sophistication you read so much about.

It would be nice if he dropped in more often. Perhaps for tea or something. A nice cuppa tea, some warm scones -- NOT the prune-and-cheese scones gnu makes! -- perhaps a crumpet or two.

That was not a spinner, Amos, but a palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 04:40 PM

Or, in Amos' case, a Palen-drone, seeing that all them retired folks in Sandy-ego are Republican Tea Party-goers.

Retired folks out THIS way gotta scratch fer a livin', like chickens in a poor chicken yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 12:41 AM

You are an insulting useless tool of the idocracy, sir, and not worth the spittle on a bee's bottom.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 12:45 AM

I shall not deign to reply to such a specious and obviously false observation. It is beneath my notice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 02:36 AM

It's the moronocracy, dumbo! Do I gotta tell you everything?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 04:18 AM

Dear ape person:

Thoise of us who speak English well understand the use of synonyms. Go, and synomore.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 11:57 AM

It could STILL spin, wise guy. Stick a pin in it. You'll see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 12:50 PM

Just like yer head will spin when I take the Oath of Office.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 02:31 PM

A banana and some pot for everyone?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 07:42 PM

Chongo has very ambitious plans for when he gets elected.

1. job creation: move half of the Rocky Mountains to the Midwest in order to employ millions of people and provide some breathtaking scenery for the people in the boring flat center of the country.

2. more job creation: build giant shock absorbers under the State of Maine, so that the next earthquake won't freak them out so much.

3. yet more job creation: More firing ranges and gun clubs to be opened in every American town and city so that people can learn responsible use of firearms.

4. agriculture: new banana and mango plantations in Florida, California, and Texas.

5. foreign policy: end ALL foreign wars, dismantle ALL offshore USA military bases, and bring the troops home.

6. atomic weapons policy: begin dismantling the nukes in stages, after securing agreement with the other nuclear powers to do the same on a common schedule. Objective? No nukes by the year 2020.

7. power policy: dismantle nuclear power stations...they're too hazardous...replace them with green energy sources of various kinds. This to be achieved by 2010.

8. dipping bird power! The new incredible green energy source. Gigantic dipping bird installations will provide a totally clean source of energy.

9. free medical care: Same as in France. No monkeying around. Everyone gets government-insured medical care totally for free. If the private health insurance companies don't like it, they can try relocating in Russia, the Ukraine, or somewhere else like that.

10. Total equality for apes, monkeys, and humans.

11. Interspecies marriage to be legalized. Gay marriage to be legalized. Marriage of people to their own selves or their dog to be legalized. Basically, anyone will be able to marry anyone else who is willing and of the age of consent under a Chongo administration.

12. Amos/Rapparee Slander Law - A specific law to be passed to muzzle both Amos and Rapparee if they utter further slanderous statements against a monkey, an ape, or a human. Punishment for violations to be determined later by a jury of Chongo's peers.

13. Bobertz Recklessness Prevention Law - A law to be passed which will hopefully prevent Bobert from killing himself with his tractor, his power tools, his car, his electric toothbrush, his weed, and his remarks about "womenz".

And that's just the beginning!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 11:14 PM

The timetable for number 7 is about what I'd expect from ANY politician, especially a chuimp like Chonga.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM

Sorry to drop out of sight for a couple of days, but I see you've been keeping yourselves amused. My computer monitor started quivering and wanted to spin as I went over that spinner number of Amos'. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 12:42 AM

It's not a spinner number. 66166 would be a spinner, but not this last one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:19 AM

Tell you what, Wise Guy--just stick a pin in it.

It's only what you got coming.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 11:23 AM

Amos, last evening I was working on a quilt when I did prick myself with a pin -- in your terms, "[I stuck] a pin in it." I got some blood on the quilt, and around 2 a.m. I was taken to the hospital for septicemia. I'm loaded with antibiotics and someone will be checking on me several times a day for the next couple of weeks -- it was one of those strains that are immune to antibiotics. If the treatments fail the only hope is high amputation of my right arm.

I was making the quilt for you as a Christmas present.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 12:41 PM

You had better get to quilting before the amputation if you want A to have a Merry Christmas and a Warm New Year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:17 PM

That was a typo in number 7, Rap. It should have read: 2020

Just like Chongo's vision! ;-) Yep, he's gonna fix absolutely everything in a mere 8 years...two terms. He will then retire from politics unless people demand that he stay by acclamation. If so, he'll consider it...out of a sense of duty, patriotism, and deep humility. It would require a constitutional amendment, of course, but Chongo has a number of those in mind anyway, so one more won't hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:40 PM

I am sorry for your troubles, Rapparee, and I appreciate the thought very much. I suggest you just by me a nice new banjo instead. I will send you an MP3 in exchange!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:48 PM

The tips of my fingers are turning black and starting to swell. I don't think this is swell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 03:23 PM

A hot cup of orange pekoe will soothe and calm you, Rap. No need to be in a tizzy when you pull the quilt up over yer face. Say hi to Ghandi when you cross over and tell him I still want my ten bucks. That SOB cheated by peggin an extra point in our last game. What kinda guy cheats at crib? Great guy? Oh, that's what he wants everyone to think but I know different.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 03:48 PM

And I was only making a Christmas present for Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 06:48 PM

I hope Shane doesn't hear about this. He needs you around to keep his blood pressure up in the high numbers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 09:18 PM

My trigger finger...I might lose my trigger finger! I'd have no appropriate way to welcome Shame if he comes a-visitin' if I lost my trigger finger.

Oh, wait. I could use my left hand. I'm just as good with my left hand as my right, as several folks know who plumb annoyed me 'til I went and lost my temper. I regret wasting those bullets now, 'cause they wasn't worth it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 11:29 PM

Apply a generous solution of tea-tree oil to the affected area. It will be as good a snew.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 11:36 PM

Is that like old used 30-weight? I got a load of that cuz the city won't led me pour it out into the gutter no more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM

YEah, you could use old 30-weight instead if you like.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 01:09 AM

Heck with newfangled Tea Tree oil, use a little Merthiolate. I don't think you could take the pain of iodine, or I'd recommend that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 10:10 AM

TEatree oil is "new fangled"? It's been a natural remedy for topical issues for centuries!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 10:13 AM

I'll use the thirty-weight. I ain't one of them teatreetotalers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 10:55 AM

If it comes in teensy little designer bottles for a humongous price at high-end grocery stores and boutiques, it's "newfangled."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM

Well, I don't mind how it's packaged. I guess I could search around for oe of them old-fangled tarred casks containing a half-gallon, but I don't see the merit in it...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:26 PM

"Tea Tree oil, use a little Merthiolate. I don't think you could take the pain of iodine,"

Stir yer whiskey with it and lick it off. Drink the whiskey. If the whiskey doesn't anticept the wound, die happy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:34 PM

I dampened the end of my pinky finger with some wood alcohol that I keep around for drinks, rubbed some gunpowder into it, and lit it. I think it'll be okay in a few days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:38 PM

I have been so nice, so good, so wonderful lately


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:39 PM

that I'll take 46,300 as a reward.

Thank you, thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 09:40 AM

No, Mom! No! Falling off the bottom isn't the way! You have much to live for! LH, Stilly, gnu, Amos...Amos...well...NO! Even Amos is no reason to fall off the bottom! If no one else cares, I still do!

Now here, eat your Cream of Wheat, some white bread toast with oleomargarine, and a big glass of milk.


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