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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 27 May 13 - 11:42 AM
Acme 27 May 13 - 11:43 AM
gnu 27 May 13 - 11:46 AM
GUEST,Blind River in...no, wait...Ummm..i'ts me, e 27 May 13 - 12:02 PM
Amos 27 May 13 - 02:32 PM
Rapparee 27 May 13 - 11:06 PM
Acme 28 May 13 - 01:07 AM
Rapparee 28 May 13 - 09:20 AM
gnu 28 May 13 - 11:48 AM
Amos 28 May 13 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 29 May 13 - 12:48 AM
Amos 29 May 13 - 12:53 AM
Rapparee 29 May 13 - 09:44 AM
Amos 29 May 13 - 10:31 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 29 May 13 - 11:38 AM
gnu 29 May 13 - 12:03 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 29 May 13 - 12:17 PM
Amos 29 May 13 - 12:31 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 29 May 13 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 29 May 13 - 09:49 PM
Amos 30 May 13 - 01:01 AM
gnu 30 May 13 - 06:41 AM
Little Hawk 30 May 13 - 07:25 AM
Little Hawk 30 May 13 - 07:35 AM
gnu 30 May 13 - 08:46 AM
Acme 30 May 13 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 30 May 13 - 10:42 AM
Amos 30 May 13 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 30 May 13 - 03:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 May 13 - 03:39 PM
gnu 30 May 13 - 07:47 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 13 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 30 May 13 - 09:39 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 13 - 10:26 PM
Amos 30 May 13 - 11:24 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 13 - 11:55 PM
Amos 31 May 13 - 02:46 AM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 08:06 AM
gnu 31 May 13 - 08:26 AM
Acme 31 May 13 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 31 May 13 - 11:12 AM
Amos 31 May 13 - 04:13 PM
Amos 31 May 13 - 08:01 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 09:19 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 09:34 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 10:40 PM
Amos 01 Jun 13 - 02:12 AM
gnu 01 Jun 13 - 05:26 AM
Acme 01 Jun 13 - 09:39 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:42 AM

Perfect timing! Well done! Bravo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:43 AM

So your offhand remark dropped out my need to send the

Bells and Whistles
but I still got 48,000.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:46 AM

Say! I just got the FIRST post of the 49000s! Je chante ma pomme avec plaisir eh la.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind River in...no, wait...Ummm..i'ts me, e
Date: 27 May 13 - 12:02 PM

So where the flip is Rap? Ha! I flippin' scairt him off. I bet he will not be back for like weeks, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 13 - 02:32 PM

He's on the road. He figgered Gnuzer needed some instructions in the comment-chanter-une-pomme department.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:06 PM

Stock me, Shame! Go ahead!

Tomorrow I'll be on an airplane at 38,000 feet. Stock THAT, doofus!

Ya know, Shame, if I was as ugly as you I'd keep a bag over my head out of compassion for others. If I stunk as bad as you I'd keep my whole body in a bag. Hmmm...a body bag for Shame. Perhaps I can arrange for that. A nice strychnine-dipped Tim's donut -- why, I understand that the entire body goes stiff and arches until the pain is finally put away by death, which is slow to come. Or open the radial artery -- it's just as certain but takes about 3 hours. Oh, I know just the thing! I'll do to Shame what Slade did to Jules Beni! Goody, goody! that would not only be fun but I'd get a couple of neat souvenirs out of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 May 13 - 01:07 AM

Tell us more about the dentist, Rap. A friend of mine has had "funny bone" removed from her jaw, where it doesn't let the gum heal. The dentist, over months, has chipped it away so her gum is about closed up now. She was on Fozamax (sp?) for years and it affects the jaw bone. Have you been on an osteoporosis medication?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 May 13 - 09:20 AM

No. I will have six implants put in, or rather, I'll have the prep done to said implants. Part of this will entail a "sinus lift" and the growth of new bone in my upper jaw where the bone is "paper thin". It will also mean the same, but not nearly as much, at the front of my mouth (everything is upper). At the same time this grafting is done they'll put in the implant posts so the bone will grow around them. When they finish I'll be unable to eat corn on the cob or a fresh apple for four to six months; then they finish the work completely (the time depends on the bone growth) and they'll put in the permanent crowns.

The "sinus lift" is essential work, so I knocked over a bank or six and raised the money to get it all done at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 13 - 11:48 AM

Ere ye gonna be taller after that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 13 - 03:19 PM

I've had similar work done, but they done implant until the graft has set and healed. Anyway, I expect in due course you will be delighted with your new choppers, I know I am. I have one more in process which has left me in the interim using a flipper which I hate-I have to take it out every meal and if I forget to put it back in I look like some Okie grampaw. LOL!

You'll soon be a full-fledged carnivore again.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 May 13 - 12:48 AM

The sinus lift needs to be done because that's where the bone is "paper thin" -- between my sinus and the gum line/palate. And that's eight (8) teeth (6 implants) they are doing at the same time.

This is NOT how I intended to spend my summer.

Amos, you've always looked like an Okie grandpa...especially with that old banjo made from a Roi-Tan cigar box you play.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 13 - 12:53 AM

Well, so much for trying to offer the hand of compassion. Rapp, I know you like to pretend your insults are all gratuitous, but I have knowledge to the contrary that you are being or soon will be being paid for them. Under, over, with or partially by the table.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 May 13 - 09:44 AM

A true hand of compassion would come and assist me in my pain and suffering, serving me and catering to my every whim. Especially a week or so after surgery, when my wife leaves for France and the Benelux countries.

I perhaps failed to mention that my current plans are to fly to Albequeque about two weeks after surgery and yes, I plan to visit with Art and Jen (I've already called them and given them a heads-up).

Yes, Amos, I too will have "flipper" for a temporary expedient; my mouth was shoved full of that godawful stuff they use to make a mold for it just before I left.

I did not intend to insult you, Amos, gratuitously or any other way. So I apologize: I'm sorry that you look like an Okie grandpa who plays a Roi-Tan cigar box banjo. I knew it was made from a White Owl box all along. I'm sure that things will get better for you and soon you will look exactly like Johnny Depp or Don Cherry or some other famous hurley player.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 13 - 10:31 AM

I think the man is driven half-mad by jealousy over my lovely Martin. The other half must be from something else.

I am all thrilled by having reached final final on me Booque after low these many years of lugging, hauling, carving, trimming, smoothing, pondering, worrying, changing, improving, and lifting it along. Seriously--when was the last time you finished a project of twenty years' duration? The first outline for Cascade was drafted in 1993, IIRC. What a long and curious trip.

The next one will be much more quickly done, thanks to all those eons of hard experience. :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 29 May 13 - 11:38 AM

"after low these many years"

Good heavens, sir! And you call yourself a writer? In what language, pray tell? You certainly ought to know that in English the expression is "lo" in that context, as in the famous Adrian Mole book "Lo! The Flat Hills of my Homeland"...his first novel.

From Middle English lo, loo, from Old English lā. Conflated in Middle English by lo!, a corruption of lok!, loke! ("look!") (as in lo we! (look we!)). Cognate with Scots lo, lu ("lo"). See also look.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 May 13 - 12:03 PM

What a lowed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 29 May 13 - 12:17 PM

I shan't lower myself to respond to that.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 13 - 12:31 PM

Madame,

I urge you to re-visit the fundamental assumptions of your Christian heritage, and recognize the profound and important difference between ignorance and typographical error. Anyone who knows me knows that my thumbs are fatter than my waist.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 29 May 13 - 12:38 PM

Very well, sir. Point taken. I hope your book proves to be a great success.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 May 13 - 09:49 PM

Well, if it ain't been published by some Big Publishing House like Eastman Kodak or Flatt and Scruggs it can't be very good, can it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 13 - 01:01 AM

Why yes, Mister Rapp-Head, as a matter of fact it can be very good. Very good indeed.

Interestingly enough everyone who has read it has been abundantly positive about it.

HEre are the major reviews to date:

What Readers are saying about Beyond the Cascade:


"A real page turner! Skillfully written.

Vivid- elegant images. A lovely spiritual mystery. Smart and

interesting characters. Wow!

It is a wonderful book – you did it. It is intelligent, good, sensitive -- It's beautiful. And very haunting."


Oscar-winning film director B. Salzman


"I really could not put it down.
You've really caught how people talk when they are talking about important things. The descriptive passages are wonderful... original and thought-provoking .

I would like to know these people. "

S. Hinton, Pastor's wife, northern Pennsylvania


"A wicked good read. I am amazed nonetheless. Story itself, superb. and handled VERY well. "
J. Oaks, veterinarian, Washington State


"Okay, I'm up to pg 119 and enthralled. I'm astounded at your infinite ability to visualize for me as a reader what I'm supposed to in this story."

"I'm detecting a very subtle shift from plausible magic, into the "implausible" world of sci-fi...I mean as a reading public generally knows it, with a little irony thrown in.   It's fun as hell, no doubt about it, …This is a rather deep spiritual journey … People who have explored things beyond what is evident in front of them, will sail along with it, people who haven't or can't could still be entertained."

" I can't put it down! The language is beautiful, it's funny, it's thoughtful, it's deep - dialogue is great - action is penetrating...really presented well, and the philosophy touches probably on every thought anyone ever had about anything. Where does this come from? How do you DO that? 'm really enjoying this."


C. W., artist and author, St. Croix, BVI

Beyond the Cascade is an engaging and exciting quest for both self-discovery and a greater understanding of the spiritual world.

The intensity of the protagonist and the adventures she encounters make for a page-turning read. The fact that Suzannah's inner struggles mirror her external struggles (and triumphs) creates an interesting scale that offers the novel a sense of continuity. Overall, this was a very compelling and satisfying read. … Immediately, I felt I was in the hands of a capable writer. The story is interesting at every turn. There is a lot going on, but the clarity of the writing and the quick pace make the journey manageable and enjoyable. … The different settings are one of the great joys of this manuscript. New York is described vividly and accurately and when the story turns to Africa the reader is in for a real treat. The description of the physical scene is rich and engages many of the senses and the descriptions of the "aura," or feeling of the places (that are so essential to the plot of the story), are equally as intricate and intense. It was such a pleasure to be transported so completely from place to place.

K.M., editor, NYC, NY

Great, great, great!!
C.B., reader
San Diego, CA

The story is fascinating, the style unique!
L.K., editor, San Diego

Really lovely. The writing is delicious. It is near perfection.
V.T, reader, San Diego


Wow! OMG! Wow! I was truly enthralled throughout. Beautifully written, beautifully and brilliantly threaded together; I think it's a brilliant book, beautiful story. Incredibly well paced. Thank you for this gift!!

D.M., copy editor, San Diego


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 13 - 06:41 AM

BY GOLLY! The critter went an done it!

B. Bunny (via Press Agent Y. Sam), comedian, singer, TV and movie star, Warner Bros. Studios, Holylwood, CA

Serious, A... ya done good! Reeeeal good. I'll bet Rap'll be firin his six-guns in tribute soon as he can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 13 - 07:25 AM

Impressive. You may soon be rubbing elbows with the likes of Tommy Wiseau, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 13 - 07:35 AM

Ummm...Amos? I just did an internet search for "Beyond the Cascade", and I found this: a book about advanced techniques for juggling 3 balls

The author is George Gillson.

Wha...???????????????????

You should maybe hire Chongo to get to the bottom of this, cos this Gillson character has stolen your title.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 13 - 08:46 AM

I tried to search bbaby... no search? then bookbaby Beyond the Cascade and nada???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 May 13 - 09:39 AM

There is a link available to all of you who asked over on facebook.

Flying isn't going to bother the sinuses, Rapp? I'd think the pressure change might have you bawling like a baby in his mama's lap on the takeoff and landing. (Have fund with Art and Jenn - they stopped by here a year ago and it was a lovely visit!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 May 13 - 10:42 AM

Dunno, Stilly. I can cancel if I have to. Druther not, but stuff cascades and you gotta get beyond it.

Speaking of which, I found this review:

"Weally, weally weal. Now I have to hunt that wascally wabbit. Be vewy, vewy quiet! That book gave me some new ideas!"
                              --E. Fudd, cuniculomaniac


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 13 - 12:30 PM

Those who seek a thing before it is to be found will not find it.

Rapper McGee Duhmanne, Protological Guru and Seminar Leader


Actually the review process is underway. The BookBaby guys did some funny stuff the first time they converted the document for the book, so they are doing a re-do now. When the transformation is complete, I'll review the ePub and mobi versions on an iPad and a Kindle respectively, and assuming it is adequate, will bless it. When blessed, they roll it out to Amazon for the Kindle in a few days. The rollout for Sony, Nook, Apple Bookstore and other distributors takes a couple of weeks, and varies with the company.

In the hard-copy department, Amazon's CreateSpace is sending me a review copy of the book in print, and we'll see how it looks. Once I bless it, it will rollout on Amazon's bookstore and various other outlets.

Patience will yield sure results.

I especially want to thank Rapparee for being such a stalwart member of my Devoted Minions Association and for his unflagging dedication to his responsibilities as Loyal Opposition Parodist In Charge.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 May 13 - 03:06 PM

Shall I read it and write an actual review, Amos?

Is your heart and mind strong enough to take that? I wouldn't want to be responsible for sending you over the edge into illness, madness, or both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 May 13 - 03:39 PM

He's already over the edge, Rap. Don't worry about it.

By the way, guys, apropos of this, I was just sayin' on the Worst movie thread...where I was speakin' OF the theoretical worst movie...

It ain't been made yet. It will be when Amos uses the money from his book sales to fund a movie starrin' him and Rapparee. It'll be a sorta remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but put in modern times. Amos and Rap will be a California author and a gun collectin' librarian from Pocatello who team up together to unravel a recently discovered ancient manuscript that unlocks the secrets of evolution, time travel, alien visitors to Earth, and the keys to marital harmony (regular, gay, transexual or bisexual, inter-species, etc...you name it). There will be scenes filmed in San Diego, L.A., San Francisco, New York, Paris, Singapore, Stonehenge, Timbuktu, Moscow, Osaka, the South Pole, and Schenectady...but not necessarily in that order. No animals will be harmed durin' the film. It will encompass 3 and a half hours of conversation usin' a few words you might not hear every day...words like "jejeune", "arcane", and "outre", for example. It will end up bein' a cult film shown at midnight matinees well into the 2030s, and people will come to throw thesauruses at the screen whilst sippin' Chai latte's and exclaimin' "I swan!". Amos will do the smart thing, pretend he was just playin' for laughs, cash in, and spend his golden years yachtin' around the Seven Seas, Rap will buy a combination bar and gun club in Pocatello and get gunned down in the street by an enraged husband on his 92nd birthday.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 13 - 07:47 PM

What I wanna know is, who is gonna play Shane? Dale is outta work. Got fired from the Irvin fer stealin matches. Oh, the odd book a matches, fine, but packages at a time? Dale is THE guy iffin he can dumb WAY down fer the role.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 13 - 07:52 PM

Dale could probably do the part, all right. What an epic it would be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 May 13 - 09:39 PM

Do I get to shoot Shame to pieces, bit by bit, over several days while he's necked up to a fencepost? Reality movie, ya know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 13 - 10:26 PM

Hey, it's the movies. Anything can happen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 13 - 11:24 PM

You're hired as my PR man, LH. GEt busy and drum up a reality matching your projections, if you please! I shall reward you well for your troubles!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 13 - 11:55 PM

Heh! ;-D Oh, if only I had the power to do that, Amos. If only!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 13 - 02:46 AM

Rapp, of course you may read it if you wish. It'll be on sale soon. As to reviewing it, it would be of great interest to me to hear from a reader who was not a member of the target population set.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 08:06 AM

Review:

"Without a doubt this is the best book of its kind I've read. Amos does a magnificent job; both the Pulitzer and Nobel Prizes hang in the balance."

There. How's that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 May 13 - 08:26 AM

Necked up? Ya need new glasses er sumpin? At least give the lad three steps eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 May 13 - 11:10 AM

Are you going to ask MOM to write a review of your book, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 May 13 - 11:12 AM

Yeah, sure. While yer at it, ask the paint to come off the wall and dance a jig for us.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 13 - 04:13 PM

Rapp: That will do nicely!! Delicate, elegant, tactful, diplomatic, and brutally honest all in one swell foop!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 13 - 08:01 PM

My itinerary on the fat and sassy cruise boat, Norwegian Sun, departing Vancouver on June 3:

6/3/2013        VANCOUVER, CANADA        DEPART        4:00 PM        
6/4/2013        CRUISE INSIDE PASSAGE        CRUISE                
6/5/2013        KETCHIKAN, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                7:00 AM
6/5/2013        KETCHIKAN, ALASKA        DEPART        4:00 PM        
6/6/2013        JUNEAU, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                10:00 AM
6/6/2013        JUNEAU, ALASKA        DEPART        8:00 PM        
6/7/2013        SKAGWAY, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                7:00 AM
6/7/2013        SKAGWAY, ALASKA        DEPART        8:00 PM        
6/8/2013        CRUISE GLACIER BAY        CRUISE                
6/9/2013        CRUISE HUBBARD GLACIER        CRUISE                
6/10/2013        WHITTIER, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                8:00 AM

This is not a really long cruise as you can see, so although I may get a tad beefy, I do not think I will get plump--well, at least not all obese. Maybe a little.

The best part will be riding around Juneau with the ineffable sprite, KT, of Mudcat and Getaway fame, a bright gem among womankind.

It will be grand, I am sure!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 09:19 PM

My itinerary on the small and svelte cruise ship Grande Caribe, starting August 14:

Day 1: Warren, RI/Newport, RI
Day 2: Portsmouth, NH
Day 3: Bar Harbor, ME
Day 4: St. Andrews, NB
Day 5: St. Andrews, NB
Day 6: Eastport, ME
Day 7: Rockland, ME
Day 8: Portland, ME
Day 9: Salem, MA
Day 10: Plymouth, MA
Day 11: New Bedford, MA
Day 12: Warren, RI


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 09:21 PM

Amos, why don't you try the Trail of '98 out of Skagway? The walk would melt off some of those pounds you'll be putting on lounging around the cruise boat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 09:34 PM

gnu, "necked up" is a Western term meaning that an animal (and I include Shame therein) is tied by the neck and head to post or other firm fixture. This is often done when getting a horse used to the saddle, getting medicine into a cow, and so on. One use of it can be found in Gail Gardener's classic, "The Sierry Petes (or, Tying Knots in the Devil's Tail)":

They pruned him up with a de-hornin' saw,
An' they knotted his tail fer a joke,
They then rid off and left him there,
Necked to a Black-Jack oak.


If you were thinking that it meant some sort of preemptive capital punishment, there are a plethora of other terms for that, such as "jerked to Jesus", "strung up", and "strangulated".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 10:40 PM

As of right now, I have cataloged 1,593 titles totaling 403,329 pages from my office books.

This is also 48048.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 02:12 AM

Your industry is exceeded only by your impeccable sense of inutility, sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 05:26 AM

I knows what necked up is.

"impeccable sense of inutility" I like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 09:39 AM

What software are you using to catalog, Rap?

You two posting your detailed itineraries in which your houses are going to be unattended and vulnerable must be completely sure that housebreakers don't read the Mother of All BS thread.


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