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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 01 Sep 13 - 04:46 PM
Little Hawk 01 Sep 13 - 04:53 PM
gnu 01 Sep 13 - 08:27 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 13 - 12:13 AM
Rapparee 02 Sep 13 - 12:11 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 13 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 13 - 01:56 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 13 - 03:53 PM
gnu 02 Sep 13 - 04:50 PM
Acme 02 Sep 13 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 13 - 10:57 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 13 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 13 - 12:13 AM
gnu 03 Sep 13 - 07:24 AM
Amos 03 Sep 13 - 07:35 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 13 - 09:41 AM
Little Hawk 03 Sep 13 - 10:20 AM
gnu 03 Sep 13 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 13 - 06:25 PM
Little Hawk 03 Sep 13 - 06:56 PM
Acme 03 Sep 13 - 08:40 PM
gnu 03 Sep 13 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 13 - 11:26 PM
gnu 03 Sep 13 - 11:27 PM
Little Hawk 03 Sep 13 - 11:54 PM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 13 - 12:45 AM
Rapparee 04 Sep 13 - 09:49 AM
Amos 04 Sep 13 - 11:44 AM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 13 - 12:26 PM
gnu 04 Sep 13 - 02:16 PM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 13 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 13 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 13 - 08:52 PM
gnu 04 Sep 13 - 08:54 PM
Little Hawk 05 Sep 13 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 05 Sep 13 - 10:03 AM
Little Hawk 05 Sep 13 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 13 - 04:00 PM
Little Hawk 05 Sep 13 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 13 - 07:12 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 13 - 07:14 PM
Little Hawk 06 Sep 13 - 01:09 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 13 - 09:42 AM
Amos 06 Sep 13 - 10:00 AM
Amos 06 Sep 13 - 10:45 AM
Little Hawk 06 Sep 13 - 11:22 AM
gnu 06 Sep 13 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 13 - 01:24 PM
gnu 06 Sep 13 - 03:34 PM
Little Hawk 06 Sep 13 - 04:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 13 - 04:46 PM

LH, you may be surprised. Read it and then let me know how you feel about Sham's toenails. You might gain a new perspective on stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 13 - 04:53 PM

Hmmm. Okay...

Stilly - Good point about Diana. There are 2 really significant Marys in the New Testament...Mary the mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, who may well have been Jesus' wife (or romantic partner) and who also appears to have been his most perceptive disciple by far as regards the heart of his teachings. The Church decided to venerate the sexless figure of the Virgin Mary (the mother) and to label Mary Magdalene as a reformed prostitute (probably with an intention of reducing her importance in the early church). In this respect, I think there are some interesting parallels between Mary Magdalene and Diana...given that they were both labelled as "whores"...albeit with greater hostility in Diana's case.

I've never been sympathetic toward the great Patriarchy. I'd rather see the women in charge if I had to choose between genders...but more than that, I'd rather see women and men sharing equal status and influence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 13 - 08:27 PM

And, because LH is into reincarnation, I dedicate this to him...

A couple made a deal that whoever died first
Would come back and inform the other if there is sex in Heaven.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Judy............Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and
then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple
of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp
around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the
afternoon.

After supper, it's back to golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep
and then the next day it starts all over again"




"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"

"No...........I'm a rabbit in Kansas ."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 12:13 AM

Ha! ;-D Good one. Yes, those rabbits are sexy little rascals, aren't they?

But what about between incarnations?

My own feeling is that there is probably no sex (in the sense of physical intercourse) when in Spirit, because there'd be no biological need for it there, but that there is a profound experience of exchanging deep feelings of love and emotional connection with your loved ones...and that's always been the best part of sex in any case. I would wager that what one experiences in Spirit is probably better than sex...but we won't know for sure until we get there, will we?

And why reincarnate in that case? Because this is a darned good place to learn things, try out new things within the fields of Earthly limitation, and clear old karma, that's why. Besides, it's probably like a stage play...well worth experiencing for its own merits and challenges...so who could resist the opportunity to jump in again after a bit of a rest?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 12:11 PM

Well, there's a whole bunch of stuff I could have skipped without missing it at all. If the point was to make me appreciate that I could have skipped it, well, I can assure you that I knew I didn't want to be shot at because I knew intuitively that it would be unpleasant.

You HAVE read Teilhard de Chardin's work on the Omega Point, haven't you? It's similar, but more spiritual, than McLuhan's concept of the Global Village.

An old bull and a young bull were standing on a hill, perusing the cows grazing below. The young bull said, "Hey! Let's run down the hill and screw one of them cows!"

The old bull replied, "No, let's walk down the hill and screw all of the cows."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 01:35 PM

LOL! And what did the cows say?

I haven't read Tielhard de Chardin's work on the Omega Point, but I'll see if I can get around to it. I was visiting a friend last night and he had a copy of the book about Jesus' friend "Biff", said it's great. His girlfriend is reading it right now, but they'll lend it to me when she finishes.

"there's a whole bunch of stuff I could have skipped without missing it at all. If the point was to make me appreciate that I could have skipped it, well, I can assure you that I knew I didn't want to be shot at because I knew intuitively that it would be unpleasant."

Yeah, that's pretty much how my father felt about WWII. He was in a lot of combat there, and he advised me NEVER to involve myself in military service or in a war if I could possibly avoid it. He said it was the biggest, stupidest waste of valuable lives and material that he ever witnessed in his life. Like you, he found himself under fire on the 6th day of the Normany landings, and didn't like it one bit. After that he fought the Germans across France, Belgium, and into Germany...really didn't like them one bit at the time...but discovered after the war that they had had very similar feelings to his own when he started doing business in Germany...and he made good friends there in the 60's and 70's.

What are these situations we land in for...or about...in a spiritual sense? I can't say, but I suppose they could be about any number of different things. One thing I'll say the war did for my father, it made him grow up fast into a very tough, resourceful man and a great survivor. There was very little in life that he was afraid of.

Would I want to go through the same experience myself? Absolutely not. I take his advice about avoiding it as very good advice. Also...I have no desire to kill anyone in this life if I can possibly avoid doing so. My father killed a fair few Germans in combat, but he sure never cared to talk about it at any length. And as for them...I expect their family and friends missed them just as badly as we miss our loved ones when they die. I don't want that to happen to anyone on my account.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 01:56 PM

I could make that case that you have contributed to killing several people -- tenuous linkages perhaps, but there. But you didn't know that you did and their deaths were far, far removed from you. Like the operator of a drone who fires a missile at a car that's seven thousand miles away, or rather the person who makes the missile, you've driven a car and put carbon monoxide in the air. Did you shorten the life of someone in say, China, because they weren't paid a living wage to make your guitar strings? We don't dwell on these things for many reasons. Living as a hermit on a mountaintop is even worse, as you then opt out of creating change.

       Reincarnation
          Wallace McRae

    "What does Reincarnation mean?"
    A cowpoke asked his friend.
    His pal replied, "It happens when
    Yer life has reached its end.
    They comb yer hair, and warsh yer neck,
    And clean yer fingernails,
    And lay you in a padded box
    Away from life's travails."

    "The box and you goes in a hole,
    That's been dug into the ground.
    Reincarnation starts in when
    Yore planted 'neath a mound.
    Them clods melt down, just like yer box,
    And you who is inside.
    And then yore just beginnin' on
    Yer transformation ride."

    "In a while, the grass'll grow
    Upon yer rendered mound.
    Till some day on yer moldered grave
    A lonely flower is found.
    And say a hoss should wander by
    And graze upon this flower
    That once wuz you, but now's become
    Yer vegetative bower."

    "The posy that the hoss done ate
    Up, with his other feed,
    Makes bone, and fat, and muscle
    Essential to the steed,
    But some is left that he can't use
    And so it passes through,
    And finally lays upon the ground
    This thing, that once wuz you."

    "Then say, by chance, I wanders by
    And sees this upon the ground,
    And I ponders, and I wonders at,
    This object that I found.
    I thinks of reincarnation,
    Of life and death, and such,
    And come away concludin': 'Slim,
    You ain't changed, all that much.'"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 03:53 PM

Yes, Rap...we all unintentionally contribute to other people's deaths when we pay our war-funding taxes...buy various products...etc. It's virtually unavoidable. However, I did not contribute to those deaths in an intentional fashion. In any case, what I meant is that I don't wish anyone to die by my hand, as I'm sure you understand.

I have accidentally (by my own foolishness at the time) killed a frog once...and a bird once...and I wasn't a bit happy about it after the fact.

(This will sound funny to people who hunt, but that's their life, not mine. I don't judge them for it.)

Then there are all the domesticated and wild animals whose flesh I've consumed, due to being brought up in a meat-eating culture. I think about it frequently, and there are moments when I regret doing that. I could have been brought up in a vegetarian culture, in which case that particular issue would not have come up. (I know people who live in such cultures, and they're just as strong, healthy, and active as anyone else is.)

All these things are definitely worth thinking about, and possibly acting upon if one feels it's important enough to make a change. Each person has to decide for him/herself when it comes to that.

I like the cowboy poem you posted. ;-) It's talking about "reincarnation" on an Earthly/biological substance level, not on a spiritual level, but on the level it's addressing, I think it's quite valid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 04:50 PM

What did the cows say? The polite ones said, "Thanks, sailor. How long are you in pasture?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 10:29 PM

Ah! Looks like we've gone full circle and are back to BS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 10:57 PM

Okay, so you're a vegetarian. In fact, you eat only plants you yourself find in the wild. Firstly, by using the plant as food you kill the plant and especially if the plant is a root vegetable such as camas or cattail (which has many uses as food and otherwise for humans). Secondly, you remove that plant as an oxygen-producing organism and thereby deprive Earth's atmosphere of a tiny bit needed to sustain animal life.

To truly have no impact upon the lives of other plants and animals you would have to kill yourself, and even then you impact others human and otherwise.

Best not to be born, but if you're reading this it's a bit late for that.

Don't Slay That Potato
    by Tom Paxton

How can you do it? It's heartless, it's cruel.
It's murder, cold-blooded, it's gross.
To slay a poor vegetable just for your stew
Or to serve with some cheese sauce on toast.
Have you no decency? Have you no shame?
Have you no conscience, you cad,
To rip that poor vegetable out of the earth
Away from its poor mom and dad?

CHORUS:

Oh, no, don't slay that potato!
Let us be merciful, please.
Don't boil it or fry it, don't even freeze-dry it.
Don't slice it or flake it.
For God's sake, don't bake it!
Don't shed the poor blood
Of this poor helpless spud.
That's the worst kind of thing you could do.
Oh, no, don't slay that potato
What never done nothing to you!


Why not try picking on something your size
Instead of some carrot or bean?
The peas are all trembling there in their pod
Just because you're so vicious and mean.
How would you like to be grabbed by your hair
And ruthlessly yanked from your bed
And have done to you God knows what horrible things,
To be eaten with full-fiber bread?

(CHORUS)

It's no bed of roses, this vegetable life.
You're basically stuck in the mud.
You don't get around much. You don't see the sights
When you're a carrot or celery or spud.
You're helpless when somebody's flea-bitten dog
Takes a notion to pause for relief.
Then somebody picks you and cleans you and eats you
And causes you nothing but grief.

(CHORUS)

There ought to be some way of saving our skins.
They ought to be passing a law.
Just show anybody a cute little lamb
And they'll all stand around and go "Aw!"
Well, potatoes are ugly. Potatoes are plain.
We're wrinkled and lumpy to boot.
But give me a break, kid. Do you mean to say
That you'll eat us because we're not cute?

(CHORUS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 11:56 PM

Heh! ;-D Have you ever noticed that for people who debate, talking is like ping pong, only the game never ends? They just have to knock one more shot across the net...thereby remaining on top of the game.

No, I don't take this utter nonsense about the "brutality" of killing plants seriously...though I'm not saying that the plants lack awareness. I think they are quite aware of what happens to them (and science will back me up on that), they just don't have the muscles or voices to react in such a way as to show us that they are aware.

But....tell me that for you the experience of chopping off a living chicken's head or slitting a struggling pig's throat while he hangs from a conveyer belt is at the same level as pulling a potatoe or a beet out of the ground. It's not at the same level, and you know it.


And the point is this: It's not about brutality, it's about actual need. Biological organisms must consume some other living things in order to continue living themselves. I accept that. I have no problem with it. I have no problem with wolves killing their prey, birds catching mice and other birds, people catching fish or eating chicken, deer consuming plants, people harvesting grain...I have no problem with any of it.

However, what I was saying is that some people might prefer not to kill animals...specially if they had to do it themselves. And if so...they DO have viable alternatives...they CAN choose not to eat animals and instead eat plants, and can live a perfectly healthy life doing so, unless they're in a far northern environment without imported food.

The primary thing that prevents them from exercising such a choice is their own established habits and customs, acquired from their culture, their family, and their past experience. If they're used to eating meat, then they will probably keep doing so.

I've gone through periods when I was a vegetarian, but mostly have been an omnivore.

I place no judgement on individuals regardless of which of the above diets they prefer to follow. That's entirely their choice. I don't insist they should make the same choice I might nor think I'm "better" than them for making the choice I do. I do not condemn people for eating meat.

p.s. That silly Tom Paxton song is a feeble bit of whimsical humour/satire, but it's not as annoying as the Arrogant Worms' strident epic about the same basic thing. See if you can find that one on Youtube, and you'll hear what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 12:13 AM

My family both hunts and fishes -- and nothing from either is wasted. Even the bones are used (really!). I grew up eating wild duck, rabbit, squirrel, catfish, carp -- and they were good.

My grandmother used to raise and kill her own chickens. We helped catch them and hold them while she did the decapitation. I don't know what ever happened to her little red hatchet. This did NOT desensitize either me or my brothers; if anything it gave us a greater awareness of the mandela, the cycle of life. I could do if I had to, but it's much more convenient (and a lot less messy) to buy what I need.

My grandparents also raised their own potatoes, raspberries, apples, cherries, and other fruits and vegetables. All in a small backyard.

My late father-in-law told me that when he was growing up in Holyoke, Mass. HIS father taught him how to plant and over-winter vegetables grown in his backyard.

We do grow lazy and apart from the sources of our food, which lessens our respect for it and for those who provide it.

By the way, as an experiment my brother once hooked an oscilloscope to some carrots and then yanked them out of the ground.   The 'scope showed waves essentially the same as when he later hooked it up to himself and then cut himself. Do plants feel pain? I don't know; I don't remember ever being a plant. But I do know that if I should happen to die (I'm not planning to do so) I'll return my "cosmic dust" back to where it came from.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 07:24 AM

I tell my spuds it's a hot tub and then put the cover on the pot so they can't see me turn the element to high. They never say a word.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 07:35 AM

I am so happy to see Mom hovering near the top of the BS section. Thanks to all her loyal sons and daughters and others.

I spent several hours yesterday walkingh about with Jeri in the pouring rain in the sweet little seaside town of Porftsmouth which is a really pretty place; but it rained a lot. The day before I spent a lovely afternoon trading songs with Walter Crockett of the renowned Wannabe Wabbits in Holden. Now I am readying up to leave the wonderful hospitality of Scott's house in Westford and get on the road to Connecticut.

Thanks for Being You, Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 09:41 AM

Portsmouth, NH is a very nice town, assuming that was where you were. Did you visit Strawberry Banke? I picked up a copy of your autobiography, The Story of a Bad Boy, at the gift shop at the Aldrich house there.

May we assume that you are now going to move Back East, Amos? Perhaps settle in Eastport or some other small town in coastal Maine where you can haul lobstah traps and feel the swell of the broad Atlantic comber with your friends, the Browns and the Clearys?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 10:20 AM

Nice to hear about your travels, Amos. It sounds like you're having a wonderful time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 11:43 AM

Indeed, tis nice. Rap??? Now, how would he be able to act smug about the wonderful weather of the left coast whilst we shiver and shovel?

I had expected the next tale to be of visiting Maineacs. I understand one such visit was two days long... perhaps a day of recouperation was required?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 06:25 PM

Had to find someone to post bail. Kinda hard to do these days, given his reputation and all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 06:56 PM

Specially in Blind River...

It's probably a good thing he's avoiding that area.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 08:40 PM

Is Amos planning to visit every US and Canadian member of mudcat? When do you think he'll make it to Texas? I want to be sure to be home!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 09:07 PM

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 31 Aug 13 - 12:13 AM

gnu - That was really interesting. (the video) First of all, I didn't even know who Kevin Smith was, but his storytelling about Prince is great. I do know who Prince is, naturally, but had no idea he was that much into spirituality, Christianity, etc.

Since I'd rather talk about spirituality than pretty well anything else under the sun, I'd probably have an easier time comprehending Prince than Kevin does.

I gather that Kevin makes movies?
**********************************************

Indeed he does. He has a 47 clip playlist on YT. Been in TV talk shows many times. He has made some great films and big time movies. Have you ever seen Dogma?

Here is part one... you'll have to search out the rest yourself. It's worth it.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmcFIbqfOkU


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 11:26 PM

The Yukon Territory has a playlist? Like, a wishbone formation and stuff like that?

I might well go to Manitoba next February. Does Manitoba have a playlist as well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 11:27 PM

It's a very odd movie. I just watched it again, hoping to get the same "buzz" but perhaps with a more crical view. It's a very, very odd movie. Not quite at all the same experience as when I first viewed it. Seemed rather B- rate this time around. This time, I found some laffs here and there and some truths, far and few between. Overall, I take back what I said. Yer better off getting the laundry done or gardening. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 11:54 PM

Hmmm. I haven't given it a look yet. I sort of gathered from what he said in the lengthy talk about him and Prince that he probably makes movies I'd have no real interest in. I think he's into very different stuff than I am, but he is fun to listen to as a speaker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 12:45 AM

Okay...I just watched about 10 minutes of it, and....nope...this is not a movie that I find entertaining or that I think would be any worthwhile use of my time to watch it. Nor is it amusing either. Just annoying. It looks like my initial instincts were right. Kevin Smith and I are not on the same general wavelength. I would probably enjoy talking to Prince, though, despite the fact that I think the JW's are way off the beam on quite a bit of their theology.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 09:49 AM

Like many other religions, the JWs are millenialist in their beliefs. They ignore what is said in Mark 13:32, where the Naz says (paraphrased slightly), "Ain't nobody knows when it's all gonna end 'ceptin' Big Daddy, and he ain't even tellin' ME. So back off and don't ask me again, okay?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 11:44 AM

I couldn't visit all the Maineacs from Mudcat much as I would have enjoyed it. I spent three days with the Skipper and enjoyed it so much I said I would like to stay forever, or until they got fed up and kicked me out. KEndall reckoned it wouldn't take as long as all that. But we had a wonderful time swapping songs and driving his classic '57 straight-eight Pontiac, with the built-in wolf-whistle. I went over to Portland to have coffee with Charley Noble en famille, and joined up with Jeri strolling through Portsmouth. We visited the gardens and glanced at Strawberry Bank, but the weather was foul and we did not linger there.

Now I am nestled in a little house deep in the Connecticut woods outside of Madison with old friends who are at work today. Odd how many of my friends have that syndrome going on. I tell them all they should just retire, and they seem unsympathetic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 12:26 PM

They should have my job. It requires, oh, maybe 8 hours of work a week and the rest is free time...which means lots of time for music, and reading good books like "Beyond the Cascade".

Right now I'm reading some cool books by John Shelby Spong, an American theologian from New England who has written some great stuff challenging fundamentalism and Biblical literalism. Got one here about Mary called "Born of a Woman", which challenges the old church ideas about the alleged "virgin birth", "immaculate conception", etc. Got another called "Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism". He is much appreciated in more liberal Christian quarters, and considered THE enemy in fundamentalist quarters. ;-D

Regarding the writings of Paul, for example, he states that it is extraordinarily naive of people to assume that every word Paul wrote is "the Word of God", because God didn't write it...Paul wrote it!...therefore it is the words of Paul!...and Paul of Tarsus was a man deeply affected by his culture, his time, his background, and his own personal hangups (which would appear to have been numerous).

This is not to say that there isn't some valuable spiritual insight to be gained by reading Paul...or by reading any other spiritual documents that various people wrote back then, providing you understand who they were and where they were coming from, and what their prejudices and beliefs were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 02:16 PM

3 days? I was told it was two by a Maineac you missed. Unfortunate for you both but I understand you "missed the turn".

Now. Where are my god damned Vidalias? After I found the roast beef not to my liking (even tho you and Abe praised it up) I cracked an ale, sat down and thought, "What shall I do?" Time was of the essence. What could I thaw quick and masterfully chef up? Nada except maybe a pasta dish. Damn! I recalled that Sobeys had lean ground beef on sale and I am a BBQ whiz so I had another ale and went through my inventory. NO DILL PICKLES? Seriously... WTF?! Tomatoes... check. Lettuce... none but, hey, fuck that sallymenelly crap. Vidalia on... WHAT? Ya gotta be shittin me! Right... everything else was in stock so I cracked another ale and formulated a plan.

Start the BBQ to get it warmed just right for BBQd burgers. Jump in the iron horse and flash up ta Sobeys fer buns, ohhhnyohn and dills. I was pissed at the fact that there was not ONE bottle of dills so I bought sweets. There were no vidalias! I asked the lad... bags by the each. I don't want a bag... them fuckers are too small and there are too many. He ripped open a bag and told me to take what I wanter and he would mark them at the equivaent price per pound of $2. $2!!?? Not time to go to the Coop so, yeah, okay... 4.

I got home and, in jig time, cracked an ale, slapped out a dozen patties and sizzled. All effort for naught as the lads went straight for the roast beef, spuds, carrots and geenie beanies. I tried the beef as well. I was shocked. Somehow, in the fridge, it had turned into a lovely roast! But, that is not the end of the strange occurences.

Today, I decided to serve burgers for supper. My fridge held the sweet pickles but no Vidalias. Musta put em in the fridge downstairs. Nope. ? Back to the upstairs fridge for a thorough shelf by shelf search. Still none. Musta left em in the truck? Nope. I even checked the cupboards and the microwave (yes, the microwave but I refuse to check the dishwasher in case they are in there). There are NO Vidalia onions anywhere.

There is only one conclusion that can be drawn... Amos is an onion thief.

Or I left them at Sobeys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 04:07 PM

Chongo is for hire to solve such mysteries, gnu...providing you pay him a $500 retainer plus traveling expenses. Results are guaranteed.*

*(not that we're saying exactly what results...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 08:50 PM

The last case the "Great Chimp Defective" handled was the killing of a hand of bananas. Guess who the culprit was!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 08:52 PM

The police determined that it was a Black Hand incident.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 08:54 PM

$500/$2= 250# of vidalias. Ya think I am some kinda monkey?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 12:19 AM

I don't know. Chongo says that humans are a defective breed of primate that split off the main line of the noble Great Apes hundreds of thousands of years ago and spiralled down into a sort of devolutionary pattern until we ended up with "Homo Sapiens", a creature which now threatens to infest and compromise the entire planet. He favors culling the less desirable examples of HomSap to improve the breed to a point where they'll cause a lot less trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 10:03 AM

This just in:

CBC, September 5. Blind River resident Shane McBride was arrested around 7 last evening for morals violation with a visiting American chimpanzee, Chongo Chimp, of Chicago, Illinois.

Mr. McBride was charged with being under the influence of alcohol and illegal drugs, various public health violations, and attempted sexual assault with a dead weapon. He is being held without bond in the Sudbury Jail.

Mr. Chimp was charged with various weapons violations, including possession of a fully automatic weapon, failing to pay import duty on 1,500 cigars and 25 liters of whisky, attempted sexual abuse of a person of diminished mental capacity, resisting arrest, and running several stop signs. He is being held in isolation at the Sudbury Animal Park and Petting Zoo.


Whew! The things that happen over night! Chong and Shame -- who woulda thunk it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 02:15 PM

LOL!!!

Oh, you awful man, spreading these terrible, scurrilous tales!

You're in the pay of Chongo's political foes, aren't you? Just admit it and repent. You'll feel better.

The "dead weapon" is Shane's whanger, I take it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 04:00 PM

I don't know anything about Sham's "whanger" and have no desire to learn anything about it.

No, I don't make any money for simply quoting news articles. You'll have to take it up with the CBC. That is, by the way, the Chimpanzee Broadcasting Corporation, which is a wholly-own subsidiary of the American Primate Party.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 04:15 PM

Hmmm. Well, they may be trying to stir up sympathy support for Chongo, saying he's been wrongly incarcerated in a foreign nation on false charges. They may threaten military action if he is not freed. I know Chongo, and there's no way he would ever bother going to Blind River to look up Shane, let alone attempt to have sex with him! Chongo would regard Shane as a piece of useless corrupted human trash, beneath contempt, not worth a moment's notice...while Shane would be scared of Chongo if he ever encountered him.

Of course, when Shane is stoned he can do some pretty odd things...he tends to lose touch with reality now and then.

But Chongo would never get drunk enough to consider making a pass at Shane. It's unthinkable. Chongo only makes passes at classy human dames and Chimpettes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 07:12 PM

Oh, by the way -- that last comment is my own. I forgot to turn off the italics.

From a close reading of the news article, it would appear that Sham attempted something on Chong and Choong "desired" Sham. Talk about your Disgusting Animals!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 13 - 07:14 PM

That should be "Chong" and not "Choong."

And I found this article on the Internet so it must be true. You can't post lies there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 01:09 AM

Yes, I know that, and it's driving me crazy, because I've read all kinds of contradictory things on the Internet...yet I know they must ALL be true! The stuff about Obama alone...it's enough to make your head swim. He's a Muslim. He isn't. He's a natural born citizen. He isn't. He's an alien being. He isn't. He's a Communist. He isn't. He lies. He doesn't. He works for Al Qaeda. He does not work for Al Qaeda. He has a satanic symbol woven into his short-cropped hair. He doesn't. He drinks human blood at night. He doesn't!

Pretty dang confusing. Even more than the Bible is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 09:42 AM

If you read it on the Internet it's true. Has to be. There are no contradictions. For example, Obama DOES drink human blood but it's only stuff that's reached it's expiration date at the hospital AND he only drinks it over ice. He IS Muslim but he's uncircumcised so it didn't take. He was born in Hawai'i, a State, of parents who arrived the day before from Proxima Centauri B, so he's a native-born alien. As for lying, well, he's a politician and his lips move.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 10:00 AM

Hi, Mom! How delightful to see Rapparee and Hawk bearing forth the guidon of our faire home, in the Cause of pure BS!

I am in the home of a niece in the sunny dappled woods of Southern Connecticut. Tomorrow I head for upstate NY to visit an old friend up there, and thence to Philly the next day to rest a while. The puppy is snoring, the commuters have all commuted, and peace is upon the valley. I think I'll go to Westport and raise some Cain or sompn.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 10:45 AM

There may be no contradictions, but there are myriad incomplete statements, which LOOK like contradictions.

Do not be fooled.

The TRUTH is out there, in there, in here and overall throughout all the whatness of the whichness, and the hilarity of who-ness, how-nowness, and everywhere.

All one need do is shift wavelengths and it burbles in among every cell, neuron, thought, image, postulate, hypothesis, regret, memory, intention and picture available to each and every mind in all of Mom's fair and broad land. That's all.


Welcome!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 11:22 AM

Ah, yes. Words of wisdom, pard. I'd expect no less from the author of "Beyond the Cascade", a phantasmagorical adventure tale of deep spiritual awakening.

But you're visiting upstate New York? Well, that's just a hop, skip, and a jump from the Canadian border and southern Ontario. I can't fathom why you don't rush up to Orillia for a few days. After all, I have 2 extra bedrooms here, some really neat guitars, a stuffed monkey, and some song circles and stuff to go to, plus I'm doing a 2-hour gig a week from today in Barrie, Ontario. Sheesh. How could you NOT come here under such propitious circumstances?!? ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 01:01 PM

Oh, now! What a lovely and gracious offer. Why, I would hazrd to say one could probable take one's shoes off when entering chez LH.

I was horrified when Gabe took of his sandals! I said, "Buddy! Leave yer shoes on in this house! Ya might catch suomethin!" I mean, he was BAREfeeties! Now, granted, I had just mopped all the floors but I only mopped them once so his chances of survival were still slim. He declined. Have you heard from Gabe lately, A? I am concerned, you know.

I am presently resisting great temptaion to aquire a new Hran. It would be foolish to buy one without the ability to play one for any length of time. Check out Lavengro's thread re Bodhran tutorials on YT. I am absolutely in love with the O'Kane Hran. Mine are shallow 18" Kearns' and the O'Kane, even with the "cheap" recording system, sounds like something I would love to beat up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 01:24 PM

Play one for any length of time? Like a couple of minutes? Aren't they kinda like a banjo, but without a neck and strings but with the banjo's ability to be almost in tune?

Instead, why not get one of those Japanese drums that are played horizontally? I'm sure your neighbours (being in Canada you can't have neighbors) would appreciate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 03:34 PM

Time can range from "not tonight" to 20 minutes. If I fling my ciapan twice, I quit. If my ganglion goes chipmunk and spouts, "What the fuck are you doing?", I quit. I could feel it coming on when A was here and demonstrated the ganglion problem up close and personal (a foot from his lookers), as in, "Watch this. See that riggin... watch." I am glad he did not faint away at the sight of it as such affects a geetarist in much the same way and is truly frightening. Same fer yer bango players but nobody seems to get much ado over it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 04:17 PM

I've always heard that Bodhran players are a dangerous and unpredictable lot, prone to run amok at any instant, and motivated by strange, atavistic urges. (Almost as bad as Morris dancers!) I don't know if these rumours are true, but I give them a wide berth at the folk festivals.


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