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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST 11 Sep 13 - 03:00 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 13 - 03:09 PM
Amos 11 Sep 13 - 03:44 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 13 - 03:52 PM
Amos 11 Sep 13 - 04:00 PM
gnu 11 Sep 13 - 04:01 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 13 - 04:37 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 13 - 06:12 PM
gnu 11 Sep 13 - 07:05 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 13 - 09:01 PM
Acme 11 Sep 13 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 13 - 09:59 PM
Little Hawk 11 Sep 13 - 11:59 PM
gnu 12 Sep 13 - 06:28 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 13 - 10:50 AM
Amos 12 Sep 13 - 11:29 AM
gnu 12 Sep 13 - 11:58 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 13 - 03:04 PM
Little Hawk 12 Sep 13 - 06:46 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 13 - 11:43 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 13 - 10:58 AM
gnu 13 Sep 13 - 12:37 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 13 - 12:44 PM
Acme 13 Sep 13 - 02:32 PM
gnu 13 Sep 13 - 05:30 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 13 - 10:31 PM
gnu 14 Sep 13 - 06:49 AM
Rapparee 14 Sep 13 - 09:04 AM
gnu 14 Sep 13 - 05:37 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 13 - 10:11 PM
Acme 15 Sep 13 - 01:33 AM
gnu 15 Sep 13 - 05:59 AM
Amos 15 Sep 13 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 13 - 11:25 AM
Amos 15 Sep 13 - 11:30 AM
Ebbie 15 Sep 13 - 01:25 PM
Acme 15 Sep 13 - 07:17 PM
Little Hawk 15 Sep 13 - 09:24 PM
Rapparee 15 Sep 13 - 10:54 PM
Little Hawk 16 Sep 13 - 01:06 AM
Amos 16 Sep 13 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 16 Sep 13 - 12:32 PM
gnu 16 Sep 13 - 01:45 PM
Acme 16 Sep 13 - 02:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Sep 13 - 05:27 PM
gnu 16 Sep 13 - 06:45 PM
Acme 16 Sep 13 - 06:57 PM
Acme 17 Sep 13 - 11:46 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 13 - 12:01 AM
gnu 18 Sep 13 - 06:10 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 03:00 PM

He was embarrassed by the rotundity of the form, I dare say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 03:09 PM

You think? My feeling is that Shatner is a man who doesn't embarrass easily.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 03:44 PM

Only when it comes to personal aspects such as personal rotunda, for example. A lifelike statue of him in his present form would commit his name for eternity to a shape easily 125 pounds over his fighting weight, and reveal him to posterity as a self-indulgent fop, and not at all the lean intergalactic wanderer as which he would prefer to be remembered. Even as the Captain of the indomitable Enterprise he was the living embodiment of human vanity and personal weakness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 03:52 PM

Shatner, a "self-indulgent fop"? Oh! What a demeaning and thoughtless thing to say about one of the greatest thespians of our age! Fie, sir! How could you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 04:00 PM

Hi, Mom:

I am comfortably nestled in a neighborhood coffeeshop in the leafy boulevards of Bethesda, Maryland, the redolent center of much history and much dross. The streets are a shadow-fight between the echoes of important Past spirits and mediocre present ones, and the rattle and stench of their never-ending conflict haunts the corners where the old elms shadow young scholars intent on the procurement of penny sweets and iPhone apps.

Ne'ertheless, the whispers of Past Magnitude continue to echo among the old corners, the brick homes, the old colonial remnants of a sturdier and more devout time. The Pizza places and sandwich shops can whimper and shout their wares as they please; the old Whisperers will not be silenced or turned aside. The palimpsest of modernity cracks and reveals the etchings left by the authors of the Federalist, of the slave holders and the fomentors of Rebellion, still gripped in their bloody issues of Timeless Importance. I expect these streets will continue in this wise for the next century, while layer upon layer of New Stuff gets plastered over the slower incantations of Once Great Minds. Sic semper vanitas.

It has been a most intereasting trip down the ridges and bays of the East to the spreading hotbed of political noise and greed which has spread out like a blowfly's nest from the heart of our dying democracy in Washington.

Being footloose, and fancy-relatively free, I have a sort of removed perspective on the timeline that is unfolding in every corner and building and park around me--indeed in every automobile and every cellphone in all the busy hands of walkers. It makes for an interesting view of the unfolding time across which my travels are taking me.

I have a beloved niece who lives nearby, raising two great-nephews (I can't believe I actually said that!) and I will be visiting with her as soon as she gets home from her faculty meeting. I look forward to the delight of her company.

Soon I shall drive across North Carolina to impose my material burden on old Beaubear and we will explore some blues together. Until then, it is all love songs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 04:01 PM

Where I sit, A's Bday starts in about 25k seconds. Let the banners fly and the bells ring!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 04:37 PM

"palimpsest" ??? By God, sir, you have outdone yourself. Were Elmore Leonard within reach of you, he would whack your knuckles with a ruler for indulging in such vain rhetorical frippery. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 06:12 PM

Who you callin' a palimpsest, huh?

I got relatives that used to have a shop in Bethesda, and my wedding reception was held in the Bethesda Naval Medical Center's Officers Open Mess. My mother-in-law and my wife both worked in Betheseda at NIH. You callin' them palimpsests? They can have to disappear into the anatomy labs of the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences so fast you won't know what happened. They got family that goes back a couple of centuries there, and they know how the cake is iced...just like they can have you iced, diced, and served up cold.

Palimpsest indeed! You may as well have called them a amanuensis or violaceous!

Hmmph!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 07:05 PM

Threat level : Hmmph!

Just under Hurrrumph.

This is getting serious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 09:01 PM

Yes. The next thing we may see is a slap across the face with a silk glove.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 09:45 PM

Palimpsest - It's probably just an oddly named town out in the middle of Lycoming County, PA.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 09:59 PM

No, it's a bad spelling, meaning a follower of Palimps.

Palimps was an emetic of the 7th Century who taught that only by cleansing the body of effluvia could "True Cleanliness" be achieved. His most controversial teaching (and the one which got him burned at the stake) was that "True Cleansing" could only be maintained by sitting upon a hollow stylite in the bogs of Denmark while others of his followers operated a water pump below. He was labeled heretical, tried and burned by the Council of Badenvasser in 647. After his death his followers quickly disbanded, repented, and were again received into the arms (and hands) of the Church. Most were later extinguished in widespread auto-de-pyews.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 13 - 11:59 PM

You're joking, I trust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 06:28 AM

Scraping the bottom of the barrel, perhaps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 10:50 AM

Would I joke about something as serious as the Palimps Heresy? I am shocked and saddened, yes, saddened, that you would even think that I would joke about Church history! I wouldst go throw myself off the bridge and into the river save that I might turn an ankle or even sprain one when I landed, for the river isn't very deep nor the bridge very high. Instead, I shall go forth and drown my sorrows in a wash of coffee in the company of Olde Fartes at the Legion Hovel.

Farewell, ye doubters! When next you hear from me I shall be awash, nay, flooded, with caffeine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 11:29 AM

Rapp is wired indeed this fair summer's day. Your creative powers exceed even your solipsism!

Caffeine--who can doubt it is a gift from The Divine to make our struggling glimmer of existence tolerable on this dark and mortal coil? Who, I ask? It is a plain truth.

My niece, a China scholar and teacher of Mandarin nearby, tells me the Chinese custom is to drink hot water in the morning. Straight up, hot water. Can you believe that?

Inscrutable, that's what I say.

Today, indeed, sir Gnu, is the very anniversary of my desperate crowning into the world, measly, wet, and barely able to cling to physical existence. It took them days to talk me into staying once I realized what I had walked into. But I did, and at least I am no longer wet.

Thank you for the kind remembrance.

It is another hot, leafy-green and summery day in Bethesda, and I shall spend the time profitably by catching up my travel memoirs, as all good travelers must do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 11:58 AM

"Straight up, hot water. Can you believe that?"

Indeed I can as I have done such. I decided a pot of tea in the early hours of morn was not good, as I had been told by the throat hack, and I said to me, "I wonder if substituting a pot of hot water would help in deteaing me." Lo and behold, I was tealess for 3 1/2 years. Then, I had a mental lapse and was again well into my prsent addiction by the next morn.

As fer rememberin yer Bday, A, no thanks necessary unless there truly is a Mr. Facebook.

Happies atchya, A. May yer stings never snap and yer neck never warp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 03:04 PM

Amos, you know damned good and well that you're not wet only because of your Depends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 06:46 PM

"Caffeine--who can doubt it is a gift from The Divine to make our struggling glimmer of existence tolerable on this dark and mortal coil? Who, I ask? It is a plain truth."

Hmm. I have some doubt about it. Mind you, I don't insist one way or the other. But I can manage fine without it.

"My niece, a China scholar and teacher of Mandarin nearby, tells me the Chinese custom is to drink hot water in the morning. Straight up, hot water. Can you believe that?"

Yeah, sure I can believe it. The body needs plenty of water. Hot water helps to wake up and energize one's body after rest, taking a bit of the load off one's own internal heat-generating systems. The hot water by itself is fine, but it's even better with a little lemon juice squeezed in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 13 - 11:43 PM

A squeeze of lemon juice, a little sugar, a tad of cinnamon, and a dollop of whiskey in it. Good for what ails ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 10:58 AM

Negative urbiage festooned with a length of obsidian, resting volubly upon burnt sand. A dragoon trots by. When light pervades obscurity, who can rant? Will technical devices observed in quiet moments ever equal the sound of a Ream-nosed Romflombler at dawn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 12:37 PM

My memory isn't very good but I do remember the Ream-nosed Romflombler. Not that I actually care to do so, mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 12:44 PM

Perfect impetuosity of lizards trumps a dish of Albanian turnips.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 02:32 PM

Every morning I have a couple of large cups of hot water. I prefer to drag a few dead dry camellia leaves through it before I drink it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 05:30 PM

D'ye wear yer gum rubber boots while yer draggin yer leaves trew yer cups, maid?

Speakin a cups! I bought Anchor (made in USA!!!) glass measuring cups today. A three piece set of 1,2 and 4 cup cups and a 2 qt batter bowl WITH lid for, taxes in, $15.80!!!! Now, if the weather would get get fallish, I shall be cookin cakes and muffins and what have you in regal style. Not everyone has a full range of such in their kithen. Oh, I expect Matha does but then, she doesn't even wash them. Her servants wash after the cameras are off.

Wish I had a cookin show. I could eh? Bachelor Cookin With Ganew... first, grab a beer and then...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 13 - 10:31 PM

Best check those measuring cups and stuff. Read this before bragging about your good buy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 06:49 AM

Okay... for the fourth time, I am gonna try ta post this, dammit!

I use measuring cups for measuring. I use Owens-Corning CorningWare for baking. Hey, if it's good enough for ballistic missiles, it's good enough for macaroni and cheese.

I do have some glass pans but I don't like to use em. They are left overs from a previous wife.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 09:04 AM

Dear Mom,

I'm going out this morning to shoot cowboys. Then we eat them. They are tough and stringy and need a good marinade. You can kill the taste with lots of cheap whiskey. Did you know that this is birthday of Clayton Moore, the REAL Lone Ranger?

Your favorite kid and first letter,
A.A.A. Rapparree


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 05:37 PM

I am a firm believer in reinclination. I believe that when ya get divorced and say, "Fuck that shit! Never again!", you are reborn as a different being. It's like reincarnation but without the death aprt. That part sucks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 13 - 10:11 PM

Well, Mom, Cowboy Shooting today was interesting.

First, we stood on a raft (atop old bedsprings, not the River of No Return) and shot five targets with a revolver, then four targets with a shotgun, then two targets five time each with a rifle, and then five targets with a revolver. The "raft" on the bedsprings gave a wobbly footing so that was interesting. Oh, we were supposed to be protecting the "gold bullion bar" we'd panned and dug out of the hills from robbers.

Then there was the second scenario, which (ahem!) I created. Shoot a "V" of five targets with a shotgun, farthest first, then the two closest, and then the two remaining. Shoot five targets two times each with a rifle. HOWEVER! the last of bandits, with his dying breath, supposedly shoots off the tips of your "strong hand" thumb and index finger, so you have to shoot five targets two times each using your "weak" hand (that is, your left hand if you're right handed and vice-versa).

Then we took a break for lunch and shot the raft thing again. I was doing okay, hadn't missed any targets, when I got to the last five revolver shots. Without thinking about it I shot them left handed, missing the only two targets in my shooting that time. As I went to the unloading bench the Range Officer there said to me, "Showing off, are we?"

We were also visited by the World's Champion Cowboy Fast Draw. At the signal, draw your revolver, shoot one shot accurately, and reholster. SHE can do it in .513 seconds. She demonstrated for us. Let me note, Mom, that she shoots wax bullets with little or no powder (a primer only). Nobody wants anybody to get hurt doing this stuff and safety is Number Uno Paramount Ne Plus Ultra. You can't even touch a gun to unload it after firing when the command "The Range is closed!" is made. And anybody can holler "STOP!" if they see something unsafe.

Anyway Mom, that's what I did this morning and afternoon. And I'm not trying to be the best -- just better than anyone else on the range.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 01:33 AM

Don't worry about the glassware. I have tons of Pyrex and I love the stuff. My father had a lot of it and I inherited much of that, in addition to what I already owned. Casseroles with lids in various sizes, measuring cups, etc. Just avoid the classic error - super hot and super cold meeting (like hot water in a frozen cup) - and you'll be fine. And if there are chips on the edges, you can file them down or use a blow torch and polish it down smooth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 05:59 AM

I got no quams with Pyrex but the only thing I use em for is cakes. 9X13 for cake cakes and 9X9 for Johnny Cake. Matter of fact, I'd be baking today as the temp is to be only 21 but it is Sunday, a day of worship... starting at 2PM with Dolphins at Colts and Panthers at Bills. The only thing getting baked today is me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 11:22 AM

I am a firm believer in glassware and Pyrex.

But Rapparree troubles me; not content with the towering accomplishments of his own vainglorious career, his troubled fundament drives him to seek to milk the fruit of my own meagre repute as First Vowel. This, of course, has no impact on my virtue or my merit, which being pure is as the strength of ten, but it does lead one to wonder about the deep insecurities of his fundament.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 11:25 AM

That's my grading the by USDA, Amos. I am officially "AAA" grade.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 11:30 AM

I am a firm believer in glassware and Pyrex.

But Rapparree troubles me; not content with the towering accomplishments of his own vainglorious career, his troubled fundament drives him to seek to milk the fruit of my own meagre repute as First Vowel. This, of course, has no impact on my virtue or my merit, which being pure is as the strength of ten, but it does lead one to wonder about the deep insecurities of his fundament.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 01:25 PM

"...if there are chips on the edges, you can file them down" SRS

The same emery cloth that I use on rough edges when I change guitar strings does a perfect job on chipped glass. I have a favorite tall glass vase and somehow it got a jagged chip from its mouth.

I hauled out the emery cloth and smoothed it a couple of times. Perfect. Doesn't get rid of the dent, of course, but nobody's going to get hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 07:17 PM

Exactly!

I transplanted a little tree from a garden up the street (my friend called and asked if I wanted it) this afternoon. Fingers crossed it survives, this was the most basic of "bare root" transplants. There's a chicken wire fence around it now to keep the dogs out, but it has thorns, which will also work to keep the dogs out once the roots are established.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 09:24 PM

gnu said: "I am a firm believer in reinclination. I believe that when ya get divorced and say, "Fuck that shit! Never again!", you are reborn as a different being."

Yes, it does seem that way. ;-) Although I haven't been divorced, technically speaking, never having married, but I HAVE experienced the same thing after breaking up with incompatible girlfriends. However, I think it's more like recovering one's original self than being reborn as a different being...though it could work either way, I guess.

gnu also said: "It's like reincarnation but without the death part. That part sucks."

Well...wait a minute. How do you know????? For all you know, death might turn out to be way better than anyone here can possibly grasp prior to experiencing it! I'm optimistic about that, and I have my reasons, but they must remain unspoken at this time. True, death is hard on the physical body...but if the dead body is analogous to a cast off suit of old clothing, that hardly matters, does it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 13 - 10:54 PM

Poor Amos. He's begun repeating himself. A sure sign of senility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 01:06 AM

I am not Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 09:28 AM

Speaking strictly for Amos, I suggest that is a very good thing, and wish to assure you that I never for a moment suspected you might--or even could be Amos. Being AMos is not a simple breezy task to be undertaken by the part-time scholar or the dilettante in search of a mere frisson. It is a full-time job, and requires the most complete attention and concentration.

Rapparree, for example, could never do it. And don't think, secretly, that he hasn't tried! I feel his envious efforts seeping through the psychic gloom like the exhalations of some over-grown treefrog aspiring to the status of a turtledove. His dark conceits are as transparent to me as the gray dishwater running down the kitchen drain.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 12:32 PM

Dear Family and Friends of The Mother of all BS threads,

We are approaching a change from one "thousand" to another. The next change after that will be from one "ten thousand" to another -- in this case, 50,000 posts.

This is a record unexceeded anywhere, not just in the Mudcat Cafe but on the entire World Wide Web. It behooves us, as this remarkable event approaches, to remove our headgear and pledge the following:

I (state your name, not this parenthetical statement) do commit myself to posting the best BS of which I am capable. I shall use correct spelling and grammar whenever possible and appropriate, and shall endeavor to make all of my endeavors reach the unparalleled heights envisioned so long ago by King Khandu, our founder and inspiration. I swear this by the gods my people swear by or if I'm an atheist I'll just do my best. SO MOTE IT BE!!

Thank you for participating in this. The firing squad will now load ten rounds ball ammunition and will ensure that you keep your promise. Bugler, sound the Charge or something!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 01:45 PM

How odd! I just came hence to post, "Only 1057 posts to 50k." and found I was outhenced.

As for proper writ words n such, maybe but it's doughtful.

It works. Look it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 02:53 PM

We set aside 50,000 for Kat, so keep in mind someone needs to log out and log in in her name. For Old time sake - but do it so you don't startle the rest of the membership. "Honoring Katlaughing" or something like that.

Holding your toes to this fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 05:27 PM

Okay, I promise not to take that post when it comes. I know that rituals like this are important to homsaps, and I will stand aside and let ya fulfill yer cultural needs without messin' things up.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 06:45 PM

I think you should do it, SRS. I will hold all posts as we near the mark in that endevour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 13 - 06:57 PM

Thank you. What is a compliment to offer to a chimp? I imagine calling him a "gentleman" has some cultural baggage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 13 - 11:46 PM

Whoa! Now that was a long episode in a snug dark place. Let's hope the 'cat doesn't blink out any more! Breathe deeply and let's get this operation back underway!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 12:01 AM

Wow. I was shaking and starting to hallucinate. MC withdrawal, or maybe just flashbacks from the '60s.

To UIN tomorrow.






REMEMBER: 50K is: Memory of Katlaughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 13 - 06:10 AM

Somehow, seeing the 503 was welcomed by me. I thought, "Hey. It means Max is okay to whatever extent." It may not have at all but I chose to think that way.


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