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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 17 Sep 04 - 10:17 PM
khandu 17 Sep 04 - 09:55 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 17 Sep 04 - 08:47 PM
freda underhill 17 Sep 04 - 06:49 PM
Tweed 17 Sep 04 - 05:31 PM
Amos 17 Sep 04 - 04:48 PM
Acme 17 Sep 04 - 04:48 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Sep 04 - 04:24 PM
Acme 17 Sep 04 - 04:14 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Sep 04 - 04:00 PM
Teresa 17 Sep 04 - 03:45 PM
Acme 17 Sep 04 - 03:39 PM
freda underhill 17 Sep 04 - 03:21 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Sep 04 - 11:12 AM
Acme 17 Sep 04 - 11:04 AM
Amos 17 Sep 04 - 10:52 AM
Tweed 17 Sep 04 - 10:21 AM
GUEST,MMario 17 Sep 04 - 08:29 AM
GUEST,penguin 17 Sep 04 - 02:41 AM
GUEST,Mother Goddess 17 Sep 04 - 02:20 AM
Acme 16 Sep 04 - 10:48 AM
GUEST,MMario 16 Sep 04 - 10:43 AM
beardedbruce 16 Sep 04 - 10:20 AM
Amos 15 Sep 04 - 11:38 PM
Acme 15 Sep 04 - 01:27 PM
GUEST 15 Sep 04 - 08:38 AM
GUEST,Your Ma 15 Sep 04 - 08:36 AM
GUEST,another guest 15 Sep 04 - 08:26 AM
GUEST 15 Sep 04 - 08:24 AM
Tweed 15 Sep 04 - 07:58 AM
Amos 13 Sep 04 - 11:37 PM
Acme 13 Sep 04 - 10:31 AM
Amos 13 Sep 04 - 12:25 AM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 07:41 PM
Acme 11 Sep 04 - 07:02 PM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 10:31 AM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 10:26 AM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 10:24 AM
GUEST,Bee-etc. 11 Sep 04 - 07:52 AM
JennyO 11 Sep 04 - 04:07 AM
khandu 09 Sep 04 - 08:02 PM
Tweed 09 Sep 04 - 04:59 PM
GUEST,MMario 09 Sep 04 - 01:19 PM
Amos 09 Sep 04 - 01:01 PM
Acme 09 Sep 04 - 12:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Sep 04 - 12:54 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Sep 04 - 12:12 AM
Amos 09 Sep 04 - 12:07 AM
Acme 08 Sep 04 - 03:55 PM
Amos 07 Sep 04 - 11:00 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:17 PM

I have some dilapidated arts-and-craft-style birdhouses a friend left on my porch when she moved from Texas to Arizona. I'll donate some of those to your auction. When it's light tomorrow I'll go see how many there are and in what kind of shape they're in (I believe in caveat emptor, but also in full disclosure of condition!)

I have a nice glass of wine here next to the computer, but I don't plan to catch up with you. I hope, giving your suggestion a sober reading, that the birdhouses are sort of like what you have in mind.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 09:55 PM

Perhaps now would be a great time to institute the MOAB Online Auction! Think of the throngs who would would pay good money for some MOAB plastic lawn chairs shat upon by MOAB Buzzards! We have much MOAB memorabilia to offer! We have letters from Rumsfeld; words of wisdom from Harry Lee Wigley; poems of grand inspiration from many of MOAB's own MOABites! We have massive untapped resources which can provide more money than Sir Rap promised to give the Etherial Kingdom of Mississippi (but never gave!) HAW!!! We can finally afford that 1952 Chevy DeLuxe that we've been lusting over!!
Hell, we can probably make a million just off of Sheeney & Shiney Knause's brilliance! And the Penelope Papers would top off two mill easily!

And, HEY!! We got the world's best Promo Man right here in MOAB!! Remember his excellent work on the Mudcat CD project? Does "Flood Dick" ring a bell?

YES! Could a more faithful & enthusiastic MOABite than Amos be found? NO!!

Yes & there is more! The MOAB intelligencia (with mental giants such as LH, BWL, Sir Rap, SRS et al) can choreograph this thing so wonderfully that Ebay will never khnow what hit'em!

And Tweed can be the Auctioneer!!! (Come on Tweed, let's here some of that auctioneer talk! Turn me on, big guy!)

Hell This is a great idea!!!

Khacknads who iz alos Tweed

PS

am very drunk tonite


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 08:47 PM

I think we're hitting our stride, Tweed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 06:49 PM

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed,
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 05:31 PM

O Khing Khnatrandu, can you smell the bullshit? It iz wafting like onto lilyaks on a spribngtime vapour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:48 PM

We must say farewell to pore old Fred
Once a live one, now he's dead
Once a warm head on a pillow;
Grew too fond of armadillo.
Now Fred's gone, among the stars;
He forgot to watch for cars.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:48 PM

Ah, trout! But I'm not fishing for compliments on the quality of my puns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:24 PM

*sigh* there is never a "slap them with a trout" button when you really need one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:14 PM

Hot sauce, of course! And this is a remarkably good food for when you're traveling. At the airport when they ask about your picnic basket, tell them it's carrion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:00 PM

is armidillo on the half shell best with cocktail sauce, hot sauce or just a squeeze of fresh lemon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:45 PM

I'll try a pyschic reading any time ... I've tried all the other kind. ;)

T


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:39 PM

If you want a pyschic reading perhaps you should get a tape of Edgar Cayce. I bet he could read just fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:21 PM

Amos, if you truly want a psychic reading, come to me. I believe I'm the only known practitioner in the world of the ancient gift of reading the froth on an empty beer glass (akin to reading tea leaves, its an australian craft).

that will be $120 (US) plus you have to bring your own beer.

regards

freda


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:12 AM

psychics - noun plural -persons apparently sensitive to nonphysical forces;psyche - singular - feminine;psycho - singular - masculine


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:04 AM

Groundhog, Bah!

For a real downhome dining treat,
Half-shell armadillo is the one to eat.
Greasy and grit-seasoned and none too sweet,
On a hot day you can dine right off the street.
(Just be sure to watch for cars. . .)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:52 AM

That was a truly prophetic dream, Mistuh Tweed. I yam afeered you is one of them psykers I have heerd about. If so I will have to ask you to tell my fortune. I do want to know if yore dreem about BWL comes true as I yam shore it will.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:21 AM

The love obv the groundhogs, .....Now this is what it's all about...this is truely bullshit. I'm so glad this thread is steering itself back on course.

Last nite I fried a burger on a stove and dumped a can of Hormel chili in with it.....Delicious. I was thinking at the time "If only I had some celery, carrots and a fatass groundhog to go with this, it would truly be a meal fit for a Khing...."

Later, I fell into deep sleep and dreamed of being carried off to the Panhandle by high winds. By some chance I dropped into Bee DubyaElls camp where he was grilling groundhogs on spits in his kiln. I said,"Brother, can you spare a dime?" He said, "No, but try some of this gopher."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 08:29 AM

no - I have to agree - groundhogs in love are something wonderful to behold. of course - most groundhogs don't fall in love - they have arranged marriages to try and keep burrowing rights in the family - but still...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,penguin
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:41 AM

that comment is speciesist. I object.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mother Goddess
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:20 AM

Love

There's the trembling love of a fearful man,
And the love of a fiery women,
And the love of a hamster that's unafraid-
All have existed since time began.
But the most wonderful love, the Love of all loves,
manifested from Earth by the Mother,
Is the infinite, tenderest, passionate love
Of one groundhog for another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 10:48 AM

Okay, it's Thursday, and tomorrow is FRIDAY! And then there's still half a week until Rapaire gets back. I hope he's having a good time and resting up, because with all of this extra heavy lifting we've been doing, he's gonna owe us some time to kick back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 10:43 AM

uh-oh! greater then the love for Mother

you are gonna GET IT! when she sees THAT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 10:20 AM

After long, exhaustive search and great effort, I have found a poem suitable for inclusion in this immortal thread. I cannot claim it as my own: It is by that great poet and writer of songs, Anonymous.






Love

There's the wonderful love of a beautiful maid,
And the love of a staunch true man,
And the love of a baby that's unafraid-
All have existed since time began.
But the most wonderful love, the Love of all loves,
Even greater than the love for Mother,
Is the infinite, tenderest, passionate love
Of one dead drunk for another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 11:38 PM

But tomorrow, it will be Thursday --
and tomorrow, Mother will STILL be BS!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 01:27 PM

Yeah, and it's only Wednesday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:38 AM

..but yet, here's post 4-5-5-8
oh damn, that means i have to wait..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Your Ma
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:36 AM

Oh Child, too long I've watched you crawl,
through galaxies too vast to trawl!
Your tentative steps towards cat heaven
To post 4-5-5-7.
Youth is yours, or so you boast,
Innocence, an angel's host;
Thus we travel forth together,
Through MOAB and life's tawny weather!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,another guest
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:26 AM

GUEST 8.24 am, if you don't have something good to say, well, don't say anything at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:24 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 07:58 AM

Whaaa???....fore two days thar habv been NO Bullshit to spew?? I am geetly constipated by this and can only think the end times iz more upon us than off obv us.

Yaz, I am award thet BeeDubyaelle iz busy kissing his ass goodbye as the minor blow called Ivan approaches hiz piney woods. He is but a knower of a coupla things and Pote Lornadoone of MOAB.

But what obv the remainder obv this popumation?? I must impeach the rest obv you titled wankers to delve deep into yore reserves and keep this ship obv foals afleet.

Yores,
Khacknads who iz alos Tweed
KOTROT and BigDuck obv Mizippi


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 11:37 PM

Oh Mother, kindly shine on me,
And I will kindly bear toward thee!
We will guide your trembling footsteps
To post 4-5-5-3.
Age is yours, and so is beauty,
Wisdom yours, of all the most;
Thus we travel forth together,
Unto the 5000th post!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 10:31 AM

Not at all, not at all! See, here she goes again, back up to the top!

Cooochee cooochee coooo. . .

Whomp!

Ouch! Don't tickle this mother, she doesn't like it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 12:25 AM

There you go again, turning your attention away from the Source, the Fountainhead of all goodness, the true Origins of Your Life, the Mother of all Our BS.

Rapaire would never stand for this if he had not run off to sea. Oh, woe is me....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 07:41 PM

hmmm..glad to do my duty to MOAB, SRS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 07:02 PM

Freda, did I see somewhere else that you're a bit under the weather? It's a good thing you have some extra time on your hands, what with Rapaire being out of the loop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 10:31 AM

When I was a Mother, I went and bred
a never ending undulating Mudcat Thread
I spawned all the posts like rivers of wine
as they bubbled on out of my Maternal mind!
I produced BS so mysteriously
That now I am the Mother of the M-O-A-B!
(She produced BS so mysteriously
That now she is the Mother of the M-O-A-B!!)...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 10:26 AM

..and...

SIMPLE SIMON

Simple Simon met a pieman,
Going to the fair;
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."
Says the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Show me first your penny,"
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed, I have not any."
Simple Simon went a-fishing
For to catch a whale;
All the water he could find
Was in his mother's pail!
Simple Simon went to look
If plums grew on a thistle;
He pricked his fingers very much,
Which made poor Simon whistle.
He went to catch a dicky bird,
And thought he could not fail,
Because he had a little salt,
To put upon its tail.
He went for water with a sieve,
But soon it ran all through;
And now poor Simple Simon
Bids you all adieu.

....!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 10:24 AM

DICKY BIRD

Ah woke up one morning early,
to a whistling dicky twit.
That hadn't stopped chirrupin'
since the sun was first lit.

Ah got me bow an' arra'
an' aimed it through paled fence.
But missus from next door stood theer,
an't stand off were reet tense.

She had pinned her washing out,
whootlin', "The Thin Red Line"
I bet they could hear her in Auld Reeky,
well? app'n tuther side o' Tyne?"

"Wot's thee off ti do wi' that"
she turned like an angry cat.
Ah sed, "Just turn reet a'roon'"
"an ah'll get a bulls eye reet pat"

Ah suddenly got a knuckle butty,
complete wi' brass weddin' ring.
An' as ah sank down upon the grass
an 'eerd more birdies sweetly sing.

As I lay a dreaming,
sudden cowd watter cascaded down.
Then a high pitched voice a'screaming
"be wakken, thi' chuffin' clown.

The moral to this story is,
"When the Whistler is as mad as a Hatter,
Just pretend it's not thee noddin' off
when she up skittles that ice cowd watter.

© Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-etc.
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 07:52 AM

It appears that, once again, our beloved khing and his beloved lackey, Sir Tweed, Knight of the Realm of Tupelo, First Coot of Mississippi, Purchaser of Beat-to-Hell-Old-Piece-of-Shit-Accordions, and Provider of Fountains of Purfect Bliss and Trankwility have passed each other like two turds in a dark sewer. Such is Fate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 04:07 AM

There was poor mother, lying nearly dead at the bottom, unloved and almost forgotten. So I picked her up and put her at the top of this huge pile of BS again. There you are mother. Feel better now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 08:02 PM

The King paced the floor all night Friday Sept 3,2004 in expectation of a call from Sir Tweed, KOTROT & First Duck of Mississippi! Alas, no call came!

   I feared the worst...that Sir Tweed had runnoft with Francis, the wench we have been hearing so much about. However, Hortense C Durp, the head of the Royal Dancing Tarts told me that the KOTROT would never forsake his King for a slattern who blows in for a few days & then blow out. I was compelled to ask Sister Durp exactly what she means by "blows".

Nonetheless, I am pleased to hear from & saddened to have once again missed my esteemed KOTROT Tweed!

Khnandyu who is really Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 04:59 PM

AHHHHH.....BULLSHIT!!
I habv returned to the Great Sandbar and found madness and gnashing obv teeth. I wab in the Kingdom obv Mizzippi for a few days and az backwared is thar reparation, at least they habv electrical running everywhar. Khandu is trully a finer Khing than any obv us know.
Unfortunaetly thar iz no Nextel service available in any of the khingdom for whatever reason, and I culd not gain contact wif my leigeLhord during my expedition. I am making plans forsooth to repatriot myself and will no doubt not see him agin at thet time as well, az this iz ar habit.

Meanwhile, Florida founders and quakes in the aftermaph obv terrible signs an' portants. I will try to keep a breast obv all that iz newsworvvy for you and mek brevius reportings thereobv.
Yores,
Tweed who is really Khnandyu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 01:19 PM

From Saint-Malo let us have a party
On a quite pretty frigate
For then to go down the goddam English Channel
the English Channel towards Bristol
to go to attack the English.

Everyone left at the same moment
One throws the hooks down
It's with great blows
of bashing with arms
with great blows of the English Gun
We bring its house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 01:01 PM

De Saint-Malo j'avons parti
Sur une frégate bien jolie
Pour s'en aller dedan La Manche
Dedam la Manche vers Bristol
Pour aller attaquer Les Anglais.

On loffe, on loffe au même instant
On jette Les grappins dedan
C'est à grands coups de hashes et d 'armes
Et c'est à grands coups de canon
L'Anglais amène son pavillon.

I left from Saint Malo
To sail up the Manche on a fine frigate
Within the Manche toward Bristol, to go attack the English.

(WE both fired) at the same moment
We threw grappling irons over
It was great clashings of blades and arms
And mighty blasts of the cannon
The English dropped their pennant.

(That's my best guess, anyway).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:24 PM

B-W-L thanks for posting that--it saved me running the same program. Reading bad translations can be pretty amusing. My daughter regularly reads and posts these at a site called "Engrish."

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:54 AM

Definitive proof that Babelfish may be okay for ordering escargot, but it sucks for translating poetry:

From Saint-Malo let us j'avons party On a quite pretty frigate For s'en to go dedan the Dedam English Channel the English Channel towards Bristol-board to go to attack the English. One loffe, one loffe at the same moment One throws the hooks dedan C'est with great blows of hashes and D 'armes And c'est with great blows of L'Anglais gun bring its house.

Now I have even less of an idea what it means than when it was still in French.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:12 AM

There you go talkin' in that damn strange language again.
Tu la fere' coo la-de-da-da. jou pale' a shee. Jus a bulla slaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:07 AM

De Saint-Malo j'avons parti
Sur une frégate bien jolie
Pour s'en aller dedan La Manche
Dedam la Manche vers Bristol
Pour aller attaquer Les Anglais.

On loffe, on loffe au même instant
On jette Les grappins dedan
C'est à grands coups de hashes et d 'armes
Et c'est à grands coups de canon
L'Anglais amène son pavillon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 04 - 03:55 PM

Yo! Marchent la planche!

In Quebec, of course. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 11:00 PM

Rapaire will be welcome if he talks like a Pirate during National Talk Like a Pirate Day on the Erie Canal, which is U.S. territory. If he does so in Canadian waters they may well export him to Syria for special treatment.

Unless he promises to vote for John Kerry.


A


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