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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Ralphs 07 Sep 03 - 04:55 PM
GUEST,freds 07 Sep 03 - 03:57 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 06 Sep 03 - 06:18 PM
GUEST,freds 06 Sep 03 - 05:52 PM
Tweed 06 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM
Tweed 06 Sep 03 - 05:14 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 06 Sep 03 - 01:09 PM
Amos 05 Sep 03 - 01:11 PM
Amos 05 Sep 03 - 12:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 03 - 12:46 PM
Little Hawk 05 Sep 03 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,MMario 05 Sep 03 - 11:39 AM
GUEST,freds 04 Sep 03 - 09:19 PM
Amos 04 Sep 03 - 03:36 PM
MMario 04 Sep 03 - 03:03 PM
Amos 04 Sep 03 - 02:55 PM
GUEST 04 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 03 - 11:21 AM
GUEST,MMario 04 Sep 03 - 10:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Sep 03 - 10:33 AM
GUEST,freds 04 Sep 03 - 09:29 AM
GUEST,Ralphs 04 Sep 03 - 12:45 AM
GUEST,Ralphs 03 Sep 03 - 11:42 PM
GUEST,freds 03 Sep 03 - 11:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Sep 03 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 03 - 08:36 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Sep 03 - 08:04 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 03 - 09:24 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 03 - 08:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 03 - 03:20 PM
GUEST,Tweed 02 Sep 03 - 02:57 PM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 03 - 02:51 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 03 - 09:03 AM
Little Hawk 01 Sep 03 - 11:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Sep 03 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 03 - 12:06 PM
GUEST,Rapaire, on another PC 30 Aug 03 - 11:38 AM
GUEST,MMario 29 Aug 03 - 01:34 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 03 - 01:26 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 29 Aug 03 - 11:11 AM
Amos 29 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM
GUEST,MMario 29 Aug 03 - 08:51 AM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 03 - 02:23 AM
GUEST,Ralphs 28 Aug 03 - 09:39 PM
Amos 28 Aug 03 - 08:52 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 28 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 03 - 07:47 PM
Amos 28 Aug 03 - 04:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 04:55 PM

Stinking freds,

Har! Ralphs have thoroughly researched the claim that freds made on September Third which states:

William Shatner, who passes as an actor, singer, and other things on this your world, is in actually a member of the same race as Ralphs... Har!

Ralphs were not well-aquainted with this particular human and have spent several days perusing examples of his "acting" and "singing". Har! Ralphs have come to the inescapable conclusion that freds have lied as usual. Har! William Shatner is far too annoying to be of Ralphsian stock. Har! Perhaps he is a descendant of the race that left the banjos on this planet. Har! If an individual as annoying as this "Shatner" can be held in high regard by many of the inhabitants of this planet then perhaps Ralphs have greatly underestimated their tolerance for annoyance. Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 03:57 PM

Oddly enough, freds don't hate Ralphs, as freds find it counterproductive to hate anyone. We know where the home planet of Ralphs is and will very, very shortly be giving it a slight twist, 90 degrees to the plane of its stellar dimension. It will get colder and colder and colder there, and eventually every stinking Ralph will be a stinking, icy, snotball instead of the stinking snotballs they are now. It will serve them all right for selling us freds that tawdry excuse for a translator.

Once this is done the Ralphs who remain will wither and die from lack of contact with their home planet. (This is as close a picture of their planet as is easily available on Earth.)

Earth people should be glad that Ralphs have only discovered banjos -- they could also have discovered tiples.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 06:18 PM

Har! Har! Har! Very funny, human Tweed. Har!

Freds, you still suck and Ralphs hates freds worse than Gollum hates Baggins! Har!

Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. Har! Ralphs have a new secret weapon. Har! Ralphs were in a "music store" today and discovered somthing called a "banjo". Har! Banjos were obviously left behind by the last space-faring race that tried to annoy you humans off of this nice little planet. Har! Anyway, Ralphs bought lots of them! Har! Every Ralphs now has a banjo! Har! Ralphs ability to be annoying has been doubled! Har! If that doesn't have you humans off of the planet within a month Ralphs will all learn to sing like Tori Amos! Har! Ralphs playing banjos and singing like Tori Amos! Har! Just the thought of it should be driving you humans to suicide by the millions. Har! Har! Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:52 PM

The body chemistry of Ralphs is such that they sweat CH3CH2CH2CH2SH, flatulate H2S, mictruate C3H7COOH, and respire C9H9N. We do not have the names you use for these compounds in our data bases, and hence use the chemical symbology. Briefly put, Ralphs stink. They physically stink, just like that cheapo damned translator those infected, mammy-jammin' adenoids sold us figuratively stinks.

By the way, you will be interested to know that the usual method used by Ralphs is the one they are now employing: they annoy civilizations to death.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM

Ralphs (HAR!) Stink Remover

  • 1 quart   3% Hydrogen Peroxide   
  • 1/4 cup Baking Soda
  • 2 tbsp Dish Detergent. (The stuff for washing dishes in the sink, not something for dishwashers.)

Mix the ingredients in a large bowl, because it will boil up like Vesuvius. We are, after all, making an oxygen generator. Wash the dog/mule/cow/goat/hog with this while it is still foaming, because it is the oxygen which reacts with the thiols in the Ralphs stink to neutralize the odor. If it sits around, it will loose it's efficacy because the oxygen boils off. Don't try to store it in an airtight container, because it will blow up (har!). The brew also works for clothes, khandus and Mudcats.

Amos, What is a thiol and why do ralphs have this sorta chemistry?

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:14 PM

To remove the smell of "freds" from clothing, dog, person, home foundation, horse, saddle or anything else that comes in contact with the wrong end of a "freds", follow this old tip first aired in the 50's on a CBC program.

Use peppermint extract which is found in every grocery store beside the vanilla extract. Use 1 teaspoon to a washer full of skunked clothing. Wash with cold water the first time, and if the smell is not completely gone, wash the clothing a second time in warm water using more extract.

This is less expensive than the more traditional tomato juice remedy, it will not stain and provides your wardrobe the benefit of smelling like an after dinner mint. Yum!


Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 01:09 PM

Refresh. Har! How can we annoy you people if you let the thread fall off of the page? Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 01:11 PM

! Snur!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:54 PM

BRuce,

You have elevated the shady-dad-paternity-ducking letter to COSMIC proportions!! I stand amazed and awed!! It gives a whole new meaning to the concept of passing the buck!! Cosmic, man!!! Cosmic!! Like....wooooaaaah!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:46 PM

Dear Freds,

If Bubba Bubba's hatchlings do, in fact, have my Y chromosome then it is an obvious case of cross-dimensional-fertilization. In other words, the "Bubba Bubba" which exists in dimension must have mated with the "Bee-dubya-ell" which also exists in dimension and produced offspring which have somehow manifested themselves in our decidedly non- dimension.

As you are doubtlessly aware, the Pangalactic Treaty of Cosmic Year 8576409 excludes lower life forms like Homo Sapiens from liabilities incurred by their higher dimensional counterparts. As we poor dumb humans are not even aware of the existence of dimension (or any higher dimension for that matter) we cannot, by Cosmic Law, be held responsible for any activities performed by our higher-dimension counterparts.

Please ascertain from "Bubba Bubba" exactly what dimension this purported mating took place in and refer your request for hatchling support payments the the "Bee-dubya-ell" of the appropriate dimension.

Thank You


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 12:13 PM

No! It can't be true. Har! Omigod. Har! It's like having hiccups, only worse! Har! Lord take me now!!! (Har!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 11:39 AM

no surprise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 09:19 PM

We have decided to toss that so-called "translator" we bought at Ralphs in the trash and use our own. And, save for those times when we wish to make a point, we'll just use your typeface, fonts, and so forth.

Perhaps you are wondering how we, as freds, obtain access to your "Mudcat." The answer, of course, is quite simple.

As for Bubba Bubba (we might as well call ither by the name you know), sheit is in perfect health. Moreover, in the fungoid state is it not possible to tell an untruth: if "Khandu" and "bee-dubya-ell" are named as genetic donors for the hatchlings, such must be the case. "bee-dubya-ell" might still exist as viable protein, but Bubba Bubba obviously obtained his (is "bee-dubya-ell" male?) chromosonal pattern somewhere, and as such he is both legally and morally responsible for the hatchlings' maintenance until they are of age to feist for themselves.

Now we must reveal a Great Secret to you. You are members of an elect group, and are bound to take whatever action about this you feel appropriate and necessary. If you are squeamish about taking such action, read no further.

The Great Secret is this:

William Shatner, who passes as an actor, singer, and other things on this your world, is in actually a member of the same race as Ralphs, those who run that goddamn cheapo gyp joint out Cygnus way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:36 PM

Well, no, MM, thanks for enquiring. I was just anticipating Little Hawks probable response to the gibe at His Billfulness.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:03 PM

Amos? have they changed your meds? Or Been in the sun too much? or possibly even been ingesting recreational chemicals?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 02:55 PM

PRaise your stars th'art nameless, oh, nameless one!! FOr one there is here who, finding where you keep your foul abode, would surely set forth on a mission to hunt you down and destroy you for such blasphemy!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM

the influence of William Shatner on 20th and 21st century concepts of drama and general deportment

certainly an appropriate subject for MOAB!

Answer: none. Thank all the dieties!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 11:21 AM

When are we going to get back to discussing something REAL...and IMPORTANT here...like the influence of William Shatner on 20th and 21st century concepts of drama and general deportment? When???

And where is King Khandu? Has he abdicated the throne?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 10:38 AM

hey BWL! What if Debbie Earl lied? Huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 10:33 AM

Dear freds,

Please refer to the recent post from your own (late?) "Debbie Earl" which states in part:

...in order to do what she (Bubba Bubba) wished to do she would have had to consume your protein. All of it, and with great mess.

As I still have most of my protein, logic dictates that the act in question never took place. Sorry, but I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for the donor of your Y chromosome.

King khandu, on the other hand, has not been heard from in a good length of time. It is entirely possible that he is the donor of the W chromosome in question and that the reason we haven't heard from him is that he was consumed during the consumation. Anyway, even if he is still alive he is from Mississippi and, therefore, by definition, has no money. If you're looking for child support money from him (or his estate) you might as well try squeezing it out of a rock instead.

I suggest that Bubba Bubba just put the hatchling(s) up for adoption and get on with herit's life.... such as it is.... being a fungus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 09:29 AM

freds uz translador majine freds bouht frum ralfs no need too lern langij ov pepul who wil not exizt in a lidle wile louzy majine butt wurks an wat kan yu ekspect frum ralfs

The translator we freds developed and use ourselves is far superior to that piece of crap we bought from Ralphs (which, by the way, is a cheap-shit discount store out in the direction of Cygnus and not one of the star-faring races of the Universe). Our translator, as you can see, works impeccably.


As we mentioned earlier, we are looking for someone called “bee-dubya-ell” and someone else called “Khandu.” A little matter of child support, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 12:45 AM

Oh, by the way, human Bee-dubya-ell, the bit about Ralphs smelling like rotten Brussels sprouts was not exactly funny. Har! I guess you didn't think Ralphs could read French or something. Har! Listen! Har! Ralphs are going to tell you just like we told your friend Amos: Har! Ralphs work entirely by annoyance. Har! Ralphs don't like to become actively involved in the destruction of planetary life-forms. Har! But Ralphs really hate being insulted and will make exceptions. Har! Understand? Har? Har?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 11:42 PM

Yeh, right! Har! Freds ate Ralphs. Har! Har! Freds are lying little fuckers! Har! It'll be a warm day on Ganymede when freds eat Ralphs. Har! Har! Freds can't spell worth a damn either. Har! Ralphs already told you humans that Ralphs hate freds worse than anything in the known Universe. Har! Ralphs hate freds so much that Ralphs wouldn't stoop to eat the little maggots! Har! Har! Har!

Oh, to answer your question, human Bee-dubya-ell, Ralphs were merely sleeping. Har! The days on Ralphs' home planet are the length of your weeks. Har! Ralphs' stay awake for four of your days and then sleep for three days. Har! Ralphs are well rested and ready to get on with the annoying. Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 11:04 PM

ralfs wer gud ate them butt hat stumik upsit aftur bubba bubba az yu kal ither iz parint had hatch yisterdai iz sayin beedubyaell iz profivdeer uf y kromozonez an candu profiedid w kromozonez pleez tel us if tru sew wee kan tak tu them aboot hatchlin sueport muny fank yu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM

Where'd Ralphs go? I hope we didn't offend them. They added a certain panache, a hint of existential dread, a little bit of sangfroid and a whole lotta l'odeur des choux de bruxelles putrfis to the place. They also made me itch. I think they had fleas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 09:58 PM

Just as Little Hawk said in another thread, "Ah, that explains why I can't buy extra large condoms". They used 'em all up on the rubber people. (har)
I ain't been called Rusty Kreble since I was born, and I remember the Dr.s saying,as they were scraping the crust of my scalp, "That there looks like a rusty kreble to me, what do you think Dr. Dick?"
Then I remember Dr. Dick saying, " Yeah that sure seems to be an appropriate diagnosis to me Dr. Toosik."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 08:36 PM

Thank yew fer th' chuckle, Rusty Kreble. I dunno who summa them peeple are but it were funny anyhow. If yew like that kinda thing yew might like t' play with rubberfaces.com. It are funny too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 08:04 PM

This is not the time or place for all of this Bullshit! Can't you people see we are having a crisis here? Can't you understand that we need honesty, compassion, and love abounding at this time in our measly little existance of life in this measly little time frame of life that we have?
They are taking what we have to be good and pure and turning it into a circus ring. They are exposing human nature for what it really isen't and saying we deserve to be treated like the animals in that circus ring.
They are trying to form groups of loyal subjects to create disturbances throughout the entire Mudcat community. They are infilterating our Governments, our homes and gardens, our lives.
Who are they you might ask? They are exactly the thing you detest, yet yearn for. They are the nostril full of snot,that you want to blow but you snort down your throat, they are the things that make you want to reach out and touch, but you can't reach them, they are preying on us every day, they are...they are mating them for Christsake they are....



ACTORS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:24 PM

I read ma comics as gawd intended -- online.

I only read it for the Brandy. And Oscar. And Truman. And Frank. And Julius. And Ralph. And Leslie. And Brandy's roommate. And Khan the Catfish.

And for you poor benighted heathens who wot not what of we speak, enlightenment is to the found here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 08:29 PM

Rapaire, my lad, I have wronged you. You are clearly a Liberty Meadows fan! So am I. This is glorious. So, what do you think about the return of the cow? Have Ralph and Leslie bitten the big one this time or will they escape? Isn't Brandy the greatest? Wow.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 03:20 PM

LH, you are suggesting my unhingement. Such is not the case. I cannot express enough delight at my sanity, my level-headedness, my grasp on reality and truth. I enjoy the same level of sanity as Oscar the Wiener Dog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tweed
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:57 PM

Liddle Harg, you like thet H.P.Lovecrapht right? Mebbe you habv been to this site but mebbe you ain't so I will give you this link. Truly a disturbing place, as all things Lovecrapht should be.

Famous Citizens of Arkham...and more..

Yerz,
Tweed at work


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:51 PM

Rapaire, I note that you have begun claiming to be the sole author of the repulse of the Martian invasion. You are experiencing delusions of grandeur. I fear that you are becoming too mentally unstable to be allowed to participate in a thread with the gravity, dignity, and deeper meaning of the MOABS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:03 AM

"Ralph" is one of my middle names, likewise my brothers. If you don't think that we can be annoying, just let one of us know. Or ask my mother or any other my relatives. Names supplied upon request.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 03 - 11:58 PM

Yup. Har! Annoyance is the raison d'etre of this planet. Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Sep 03 - 11:21 PM

Sorry, Ralphs, but I think you've finally come to the wrong planet. This is Earth, home of rap music, electric guitars, 2-cycle leaf-blowers, and telemarketers. We are immune to annoyance. Stick around long enough and Mattel will make a Ralphs doll that goes "Har!" when you push a button. It'll be next Christmas's hottest selling item. Kids'll love 'em. Adults'll hate 'em until noon on Christmas Day and then they'll just ignore 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 03 - 10:36 PM

Well, it couldn't just LAY there, could it??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 03 - 12:06 PM

I left a Ralphs-style message on my friend Mike's phone last night. Har! He was very annoyed by it. Har! He says he will punch me out if I do it again. Har! This business of being Ralphs-ish can be dangerous. Har! Har!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire, on another PC
Date: 30 Aug 03 - 11:38 AM

Ralph's my nephew. Ralph's also my father. I am related to and descended from Ralphs. Don't think that Ralphs can't do whatever they want.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:34 PM

silly Ralphs! Har! gargoyle has been trying to drive the ilk away from mudcat for years. har! and he has failed! Har! What makes you think Ralphs can succeed? Har?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:26 PM

My ilk is very rare, Ralphs. Har! I think you will not find any. Har! Go screw yourself. Har! Har! Har!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:11 AM

To: Earthling who styles himself after a diminutive raptor. Har!

It is not usually within Ralphs' ways of doing things to interfere with or harm the indigenous dominant species on a planet that Ralphs wish to acquire. Har! Ralphs exert Ralphs' influence by sheer annoyance. Har! However, since it appears that you, Mr. "Little Hawk", have gravely insulted Ralphs we will make an exception. Har! Har! Ralphs have captured every Ilk on the planet Earth and are currently holding them hostage. Har! Har! Ralphs will release the Ilk unharmed whenever you, Mr. Hawk, see fit to issue a formal apology. Har! Har! Har! Otherwise, you will never see your precious Ilk again. Har! Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM

Grammar will habe no importance! Snur!! Wait and perceive!! Snur!! The meeting of Vans allied with Safeway will be the end of Ralphs! Snur!! But this thread will not end!! Snur. Snur! Snur!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 08:51 AM

it derives from the nature of the medium.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 02:23 AM

Ralphs are right. Har. Raplhs are exceedingly annoying. Har. I hope they all die miserably. Har. Har. Grammar is always changing, so Ralphs will find it hard to lay down absolute rules. Har. But Ralphs wii still try. Har. Ralphs also make really annoying movies. Har. Let's hope that something very nasty happens to Ralphs soon. Har. Har. Har.

I didn't think this thread could get any worse, but it has... (Har.)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:39 PM

Amos. Har. Ralphs must point out a grammatical error that you made in your immediately preceding post. Har. You refer to "the Ralphs". Har. This is an improper grammatical structure. Har. There is only "Ralphs". Har. There is no "the Ralphs" or "a Ralph".    Har. "Ralphs" is both singular and plural and "Ralphs" is never modified by a definite or indefinite article. Har. This admittedly uncommon grammatical feature is the one thing that Ralphs have in common with freds. Har. Other than that, Ralphs hate the little fuckers. Har.    Har.    Har.    Har. Enjoy the rest of your brief stay on this lovely planet. Har.    Har.    Har.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 08:52 PM

(Don't tell the Ralphs this, buit I a have it on Good Authority that there is a Synchronous VIsitation bering scheduled by the Higher Circles of the Noble Vons Organization, who have formed an Alliance witht he Monarch of Safeway. I am afraid Ralphs will not like this very much!!   Snur!! Snur! Snur!)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

Hello Earth People. Har! Greetings from Ralphs. Har! Ralphs are not like freds. Har! Ralphs understand your grammatical system and can spell, punctuate and capitalize as well as most of you do. Har! Ralphs also do not look offensive to most of you. Har! In fact, Ralphs look like this. Har! However, please be aware that Ralphs have invaded your planet and before long you Earthlings will long for the days when all you had to worry about was freds trying to eat your King. Har! You will wish that you had lost yesterday's battle with the Martian invaders so that all you had to endure was their whips and 5,000 volt anal probes. Har! You see, Ralphs are the most annoying species in the known Universe. Har! Ralphs always refer to themselves in the third person, which gets on people's nerves after a while. Har! But, more importantly, Ralphs habitually say "Har" after each sentence that Ralphs utter. Har! In some instances, where a statement is humorous or very thought provoking Ralphs may even utter several "Har"s in sequence. Har! For example: "Why did the Drombignonian Velsnard cross the road?" Har! "Because his lagnarvia was caught in his epurchalot!" Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har! After a few years of Ralphs occupation most subject planetary populations either commit mass suicide or quickly figure out how to build starships and go find new planets on which to live. Har! Either way, Ralphs get the planet to do with as Ralphs please. Har!    Har!    Har! Ralphs think Ralphs are going to like it here. Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 07:47 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Wonderful! The American Revolution has never resounded with such glorious verse before.

"A Marrow, A Marrow, my commission for a Marrow! Nay, tarry not, good fellows, but fetch me a Marrow! Alas! I fear that my days grow short as Marrowless I stand upon this sodden and bloodied field. O wretched fate! Harry not mine unsullied ears with vague rumours whilst the sands run down, but fetch me posthaste a Marrow!"

With these desperate words did General Burgoyne beseech his redcoated staff officers as the ragged colonials closed in...mouthing vague obscenities about republicanism and the impending death of monarchy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:57 PM

On the eighteenth of April, in 'seventy-four
He galloped to every farmhouse door
And gathered up every marrow fair
That the evil British had hidden there!

Then he took them all, and with some of his friends
Hauled them away to the old East End
Where Boston Harbour laps the pier
Twelve tons of marrow disappeared.

Then he said good night, and with muffled oar,
Rowed across to the Charleston shore
And stopped at a tavern, ordered a brew,
And passed on this tale, as I pass it to you!


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