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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 01 Dec 12 - 05:40 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Dec 12 - 12:06 AM
gnu 30 Nov 12 - 07:18 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 12 - 07:04 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 12 - 03:52 PM
Acme 30 Nov 12 - 02:09 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 12 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 12 - 10:08 AM
gnu 29 Nov 12 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 12 - 10:14 PM
Amos 29 Nov 12 - 06:02 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 12 - 01:10 AM
Amos 29 Nov 12 - 12:28 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 12 - 09:27 PM
Acme 28 Nov 12 - 08:43 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Nov 12 - 08:31 PM
Amos 28 Nov 12 - 07:19 PM
Acme 28 Nov 12 - 06:02 PM
Amos 28 Nov 12 - 05:04 PM
gnu 28 Nov 12 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 12 - 04:04 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Nov 12 - 11:01 AM
MMario 28 Nov 12 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 12 - 09:50 AM
Rapparee 27 Nov 12 - 08:09 PM
gnu 27 Nov 12 - 04:45 PM
Acme 27 Nov 12 - 01:59 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 12 - 01:34 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Nov 12 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 12 - 10:29 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Nov 12 - 11:40 PM
Acme 26 Nov 12 - 10:47 PM
Amos 26 Nov 12 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 12 - 03:41 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 12 - 01:31 PM
Amos 26 Nov 12 - 12:01 PM
Acme 26 Nov 12 - 11:07 AM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 12 - 10:22 AM
Amos 25 Nov 12 - 11:46 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 12 - 11:15 PM
Little Hawk 25 Nov 12 - 10:56 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 12 - 08:48 PM
Little Hawk 25 Nov 12 - 07:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 12 - 09:38 AM
Acme 25 Nov 12 - 02:40 AM
Rapparee 25 Nov 12 - 12:53 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Nov 12 - 03:03 PM
gnu 24 Nov 12 - 02:20 PM
Acme 24 Nov 12 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 24 Nov 12 - 01:00 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 05:40 PM

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
                                    --Ol' Sam


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 12:06 AM

That guy Mark Twain sounds like a man I would have got along with just fine. He reasons just like a smart Chimp.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 07:18 PM

Sounds like as plan, Mark. (Rap)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 07:04 PM

Ah, LH, take heed:

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him."
                                  --Ol' Sam


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 03:52 PM

Good lord! It is fortunate that Mr Twain is not alive today and still engaging in this sort of diabolical literary criticism, this veritable drawing, quartering, and incineration of his hapless inferiors in the literary arts!

Imagine, for instance, what he might say about Amos's writings! Or mine! We would either be found hanging wretchedly by an improvised noose in our respective closets...or Mr Twain would be found lying dead in an alleyway, having been beaten savagely to death with a blunt instrument by persons unknown...if not unsuspected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 02:09 PM

And if you don't have time for all of that, have a good chuckle by reading Twain's Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 11:38 AM

What a perfect prescription for total happiness and fulfillment, dude! I'm gonna do it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 10:08 AM

gnu, here's how to forget your tragic loss:

Go out and celebrate the birth of Sam Clemens, the greatest writer North America ever produced, on November 30, 1835.

Yes, today is Sam's 177th birthday!!! Drink! Fool around with loose women! Pilot a riverboat! Join the CSA! Write great novels! Go broke! Become friends with a former US President! Live in Italy, Austria, England, France! Smoke a cigar! Celebrate Sam's life, dude!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Nov 12 - 10:37 PM

Did someone say
Romeo & Juliet?

That song is pure sobbing to me. It was radio playing when I lost my true love because I had to fulfill family duties. Every time I hear it, I weep uncontrollably... thirty years hence.

But, better to have loved and lost than to never have known true love at all, they say. Still, it pisses me off tho, eh? Ya know what I mean, eh? I can just imagine how LH feels about that Winononotlikely chick, right? Poor guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 12 - 10:14 PM

Such as comparing you to Alfred E. Newman, the boon companion of my youthhood?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 12 - 06:02 PM

The flaw in your argument, dear Rapp, is that you were recently doing something not on your list, which is easily classified as jejeune and immature.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 12 - 01:10 AM

Indeed, Amos? Can we not also enjoy in our maturity that which delighted us in our youth? Can we not appreciate the slapstick of, say, a Red Skelton as well as the more sophisticated humor of a George Carlin? Can we not enjoy the wit of Pope and the verbal sallies of "Fractured Fairy Tales"? Is the enjoyment of Richard Armour's classic books, such as "Twisted Tales From Shakespeare" enhanced or diluted by knowing Shakespeare's works from both the literary and theatrical perspectives? Does gallows humor, such as Mercutio's "It is not as deep as a well nor as wide a a church door" speech in "Romeo and Juliet" stand somehow superior to Snowden's Secret in "Catch 22" or the antics of "M*A*S*H"? Is the satire of "Mad" less than that of "Punch" or "Judge" or even "Gulliver's Travels" and if so, how? Jejeune? -- perhaps to your tastes.

How many Southern Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the bulb is doin' it's thing, like mellow, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 12 - 12:28 AM

SUch risible, jejune ribaldry gives quite the lie to R's claims of balanced mind and mature judgement.

As for being threatened with screams from an imaginary invention, especially one as pale and derivative as yon Chimpette--I am shaking in my boots, for sure. I have been screamed at by the most psychotic of immortals, and have shed not a hair nor batted an eyelash. The idea that an imaginary spawn of flimsy faquiry such as Chongo could startle me by a jot or a tittle is simply ludicrous, like all the rest of his febrile, pusillanimous meanderings.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 09:27 PM

No, this picture of Amos was taken at dunner during Getaway this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 08:43 PM

Is that you, Amos? Looks like my friend Ron, but he has all of his teeth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 08:31 PM

Amos, you got no idea how loud I can screech. One of these days...and this is a promise...I am gonna screech at you right outta yer own mailbox.

Wait for it, buster.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 07:19 PM

How many gapped grins have you seen amongst those who led rough, poor, careless or reckless lives?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 06:02 PM

But wasn't that the plan with the original adult set?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 05:04 PM

That vaporous phantasm certainly screeches loudly for such an insubstantial thing. His sister could hear him all the way from her cathouse in Detroit City.

To answer your question, dear Ms Sage, I am at present complete on teeth implantery, although there is one more planned such op in my future. The great benefit, once you get over the swole jaw and the pain, is a sterling piece of toothery that will never let you down, fall out or come undone in your lifetime, as far as I know.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 04:09 PM

On just sit near you guys when yer smokin up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 04:04 PM

Not if I wrap razor wire around it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 11:01 AM

gnu, you would hafta smoke a wheelbarrow load of dope each mornin' to keep up with me. I can scale a 200 foot tree in under 3 seconds, buddy.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 10:32 AM

Hey Mom! Did you see the news where Volkswagon is releasing a new model car? It's a single seater, retails for around $600 bucks and gets over 400 miles per tank of diesel. The tank holds less then 2 gals!!!!!

Of course they are only offering it in China. Why can't US companies come up with something like this? Expecially the $600 price....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 12 - 09:50 AM

Hey, Mom! I ate a banana for breakfast! Don't bother, the skin's really tough. Eat an apple instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 12 - 08:09 PM

He had a brother named Gustav (after their grandpa) that everybody called "Spike" but never "Dutch." Dutch was very possessive about is nickname and would thump you on the head if you took it in vain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Nov 12 - 04:45 PM

Maybe if I started smoking weed again? I hear it's a lot more potent now than the weed I smoked 30 years ago and that would probably be required to keep up with you lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 12 - 01:59 PM

Wrong guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 12 - 01:34 PM

Yeah, he grew up just up the block from me. We used to play sandlot (or in our case, dumplot) softball together. His real name was Robert but everybody, even is parents and the nuns at school, called him "Dutch" or "Dutchie." After high school he went on and became a priest, and last I heard he was a retired Monsignor and living in a small town (maybe Farmers Retreat) in southern Indiana.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Nov 12 - 12:09 PM

Rap, I am worried about you. You are slidin' further and further into delusions of grandeur and bizarre fantasies based on some kinda obscure wish fullfillment, but not on the plain facts that are starin' you in the face. In short, yer losin' touch with reality. You remind me a lot of Dutch Schulz in the last few weeks of his life...and ya know what happened to him, don'tcha?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 12 - 10:29 AM

Chonga, I didn't get the chance to drop you as fish bait, but a friend of mind DID get one of your old fedoras. No one but you had ever worn it (why would they want to?). And guess what!

A match of the DNA in the bulbs of the hairs inside that truly tacky hat, as well as DNA taken from the sweat residue inside, was a 99.99% match for the DNA of Chinga, the chimp who is now proven to be not only your sister, but your TWIN sister!!!

And your DNA showed XX chromosones. XX, not XY. Know what that means, Little Missy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 11:40 PM

He ain't really goin' down there for dentistry, Stilly. That's his cover story. The REAL story is some clandestine get-togethers with a short, hairy female Chimp who runs a cathouse down there and she thinks she's my sister. She's completely nuts...and if ya ask me, so is Amos. That bein' the case, I guess maybe it's a match made in...well...not heaven, that's fer sure! Probably the other place. ;-D Ook! Ook!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 10:47 PM

I went to the dentist today to get three fillings on the right side. It didn't take long, but when it wore off, I felt like I'd been slugged in the jaw.

I hate to think what Amos' head feels like after all of that work those Mexican doctors have been doing on him! Boring into bones, burying shards in his jaw through his gums . . . ouch! Are you all finished with that, Mr. A?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 08:53 PM

He does swell hisself up some, doesn't he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 03:41 PM

No, no, not hubris. I know that in the end I will, like Ouroboros, end up destroying and then recreating myself through Cycles without number, beyond the End Of Time, beyond the End Of Eternity. If you're good I'll leave you out of the next cycle and if you ain't, well, Santa Claus ain't got nothin' on me when it comes to dealing with naughty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 01:31 PM

It's a bit like that, but you must realize that Rap's delusions of omnipotent grandeur exceeed Romney's by a comfortable margin, Amos. See....Romney thinks he's one of God's own...but Rap thinks God is own of his own!

It's a whole other level of hubris. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 12:01 PM

What does it mean when someone as immersed in the world as Rapparree starts getting compliments from imaginary playmates? Is that like Jesus telling the minister to vote for Romney?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 11:07 AM

Fabulous idea, LH!

Amos, I was lazy and it was cold out when I started working, so there is dust near the back door from the saw. I probably should have left the saw outside. I've been needing to take down stuff on the mantle to wash and put away, now the need is more urgent. I used to work in that spot all of the time when I moved in and the house was empty - it's darned inconvenient how much messier it is when there is furniture in the room!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 12 - 10:22 AM

Sounds good, Amos. Perhaps they could manufacture gigantic Mister Stickys that could be rolled over entire municipalities to remove dust, debris, garbage, and other undesirable flotsam and jetsam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 11:46 PM

Stilly: See if your local Sears has a current pitch gpoing on a product called Mister Sticky--it grabs dust, grit and everything else --cat hair, etc.--and makes it stick onto a roller until you rinse it in warm water and then it all comes brand-new clean. Terrific technology--some kind of silicon compound, I imagine. Just what you need!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 11:15 PM

We'd miss the music camp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 10:56 PM

Heh! Well, I can understand it's a bit difficult to sight in accurately on a human-sized target that's 2 or 3 thousand miles away. I mean, they can do it fine with a nuke...but that's not what we're talking about here...and a good thing! A nuke would basically erase Orillia right off the map, and that would not be good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 08:48 PM

Dammit, missed again. I was aiming for Shame, just for practice. Sorry 'bout that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 07:17 PM

Rap, some drunk guy at one of the sleazier bars in Orillia fell down and started adoring you today. I have no idea why. He got kicked out of the bar, but continued singing your praises all up and down West St, until eventually the cops were called and he was taken away to a medical facility where they are trying to determine what happened.

This was a human guy. It wasn't Chongo.

Do you have any explanation? Could you perhaps have aimed a bolt of some kind at Chicago, but not calibrated it properly?

If so, damn good thing that it wasn't Shane you hit. He'd never live it down. But he lives way north of here anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 09:38 AM

Okay, I'm back home in The West. Well, at the moment I'm in SLC -- the plane was late so we overnighted here. Be home by 1330 MST if all goes well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 02:40 AM

The house is full of grit after some work on a piece of furniture. I'll have to give everything in the living room a once-over with a dust cloth when I finish working on modifying a dresser. MOM, don't slip in the sawdust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 12 - 12:53 AM

Keep it up, Chonga, and you will soon be the first of my creations that I insist fall down and adore me. I'm awfully slow to anger but my wrath is almighty and always just. Perhaps I'll just have you beg, plead, and whine for mercy while crawling on your belly up Michigan Avenue. At the moment, just beware of thunderbolts from a clear blue sky -- even indoors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Nov 12 - 03:03 PM

Jeez!!! LOL! I started laffin' so hard I fell outa my chair here, Rap!

You got nerve, I'll say that. So now you are claimin' that you made God too? That's moxie!

I gotta say that when it comes to boastin' and braggin', buddy, you are the world champ. You have gotta come to Duffy's Bar one of these days and attend a boast-off championship here on Sunday afternoon. The guy that boasts largest and with the most nerve wins. My bet would be on you. I can boast LARGE...and I have...but there is NO ONE who can match you, mister. Nooooo-body! Wowee. Too bad you wasn't born a Chimpanzee, that's all I can say. You would be a legend by now.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Nov 12 - 02:20 PM

SRS... I understand. Amos understands. Hmmmm... who's left? "She"? It is literally ambighumptuous and I was only trying to defend a lady based upon citing her virtue. And her good taste, I might add.

Go ahead, Amos, I dare ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Nov 12 - 01:50 PM

Thanksgiving leftovers again. Don't groan, we'll disguise them somehow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 12 - 01:00 PM

Dear Mr. or Ms Chonga,

Of COURSE I'm not God! God is my creation, just as you are. Just as LH and Veronica Paisley or whatever her name is and The Galactic Overlord and Amos and and gnu all the rest of the Mudcatters. Get this through YOUR head, dufuss: I don't demand that anyone adore me, but in your case I'm gettin' close. Don't go outside when it's cloudy, 'cause I might send a thunderbolt atcha.


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