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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 05 Dec 12 - 05:35 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 12 - 02:27 PM
gnu 05 Dec 12 - 01:59 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 12 - 01:18 PM
Amos 05 Dec 12 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 12 - 11:03 AM
Acme 05 Dec 12 - 12:53 AM
GUEST 04 Dec 12 - 11:08 PM
GUEST,The Evil Galactic Overlord 04 Dec 12 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 12 - 09:15 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 12 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 12 - 10:21 AM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 12 - 12:34 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 12 - 11:08 PM
Acme 03 Dec 12 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 12 - 10:15 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 12 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 12 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 12 - 09:15 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 12 - 07:52 PM
Amos 03 Dec 12 - 07:08 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 12 - 03:17 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Dec 12 - 01:00 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 12 - 11:05 AM
Amos 02 Dec 12 - 11:41 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Dec 12 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 12 - 09:17 PM
Acme 02 Dec 12 - 09:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Dec 12 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 12 - 07:25 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Dec 12 - 07:01 PM
Acme 02 Dec 12 - 04:18 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 12 - 02:39 PM
Acme 02 Dec 12 - 12:46 PM
Amos 02 Dec 12 - 09:38 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Dec 12 - 09:06 AM
Amos 02 Dec 12 - 02:32 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Dec 12 - 11:53 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 12 - 10:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Dec 12 - 08:46 PM
Amos 01 Dec 12 - 08:37 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 12 - 05:40 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Dec 12 - 12:06 AM
gnu 30 Nov 12 - 07:18 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 12 - 07:04 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 12 - 03:52 PM
Acme 30 Nov 12 - 02:09 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 12 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 12 - 10:08 AM
gnu 29 Nov 12 - 10:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 05:35 PM

Take no notice? I have to read SOME of the posts. If I took no notice of same, I woulden't be here most of the time.

Get a room.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 02:27 PM

Chongo and Amos have been slagging each other off for some time, both by asserting that the other has no place or significance in their world. It's like one of those Laurel and Hardy skits where they have a disagreement about something and they keep upping the ante with escalating reprisals of one sort or another. Take no notice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 01:59 PM

"Chongo, the world in which you exist is one in which I do not wish to cast a shadow. I am content to sip real single-malt and talk to real people.

A"

Huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 01:18 PM

LOL!!!

You have....got....to be kidding...........

Look, I'd rather do what my Dachshund would have done, given the same advice...

1. A brief, contemptuous glance at the advisor.

2. Trot over to the advisor's side.

3. Lift leg.

4. Pee on the advisor's trousers.

5. Walk away stiff-legged with tail erect and fur slightly ruffled on back of neck.

This is a Dachshund's way of saying, "Take off, ya hoser!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 01:05 PM

Well, if it isn't too late, you could start by identifying and owning all your sins, one at a time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 11:03 AM

Well, enquiring minds, I had to wait until remorse set in, you see? Remorse followed by contrition.

In any case, what sort of action would you have recommended?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 12 - 12:53 AM

Dear Galactic Overlord creator, remember what Mark Twain said:

3. They require that the personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others. But this detail has often been overlooked in the Deerslayer "Mother of All BS" tale.

4. They require that the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there. But this detail also has been overlooked in the Deerslayer "Mother of All BS" tale.


Last time I looked, you/it were a corpse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Dec 12 - 11:08 PM

But then I realized that I was becoming hardhearted, detached, supercilious, dismissive...even, dare I say it...vain!

Enquiring minds are forced to wonder why you did not take action about it at the time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Evil Galactic Overlord
Date: 04 Dec 12 - 09:32 PM

Accept no substitutes, food sources. I am the one and only EVIL Galactic Overlord. All others are fakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 12 - 09:15 PM

Just back from the Legion Hovel, where they are trying to get the traditional 25' tall Christmas tree through the traditional 32" wide door into a room with a traditional 10' ceiling accompanied by the traditional cussing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 12 - 11:50 AM

I really hope that you two never meet. Think of the title of a Daniel-Day Lewis film from a few years back....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 12 - 10:21 AM

Trained by the best, dude, trained by the best. At least Chongo is working -- he used to be cadging drinks by walking on his hands when he was drunk, juggling a ball with his feet. It was "funnier'n hell when he tried that, with him fallin' over all the time and all," as one anonymous drinker told me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 12 - 12:34 AM

Ohhhh....nasty! You really know how to give the old knife the twist, don't you, Rap?

***

Regarding the idea about crossbreeding Shane with himself....YUCK!!! What a horrifying concept.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 11:08 PM

Nah, that ape is just a canary. He ain't worth the powder to blow him away, which is why I haven't put the mugs I know in Chi onto him. I mean, he puts "Windy" in the "Windy City." Not even the cops listen to him any more. He ain't had a case in a coon's age and couldn't follow a skirt or a shirt if he was hired in a divorce thing. He's just a punk who thinks he's big time and one of these days the big boys are gonna take him down just because of his big mouth. Last I heard, back a couple weeks ago, he was spending his time in Duffy's alright...workin' with an organ grinder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 10:47 PM

LH, I think Amos and Rap are hinting that it's time for a sabbatical for Chongo. If he isn't part of the Ivory Tower now, he will be if he's eligible for and takes one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 10:15 PM

Is it true that scientists at the University of Toronto have successfully managed to cross-breed Shame McBride with himself, thereby creating the world's greatest genetic catastrophe (fortunately both impotent and sterile)?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 09:48 PM

Well, as you know all too well, LH, Cicero said

...Nam prima aetate incidimus in ipsam perturbationem disciplinae veteris, et consulatu devenimus in medium rerum omnium certamen atque discrimen, et hoc tempus omne post consulatum obiecimus eis fluctibus, qui per nos a communi peste depulsi in nosmet ipsos redundarent. Sed tamen in his vel asperitatibus rerum vel angustiis temporis obsequar studiis nostris et quantum mihi vel fraus inimicorum vel causae amicorum vel res publica tribuet oti, ad scribendum potissimum conferam; tibi vero, frater, neque hortanti deero neque roganti, nam neque auctoritate quisquam apud me plus valere te potest neque voluntate.

And, of course, that's still true and I hope Amos can avoid that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 09:31 PM

Ah, yes, the comforts of the Ivory Tower intellectual lifestyle! I understand all too well. I too used to delight in confounding the common herd by using words like "jejeune" "outre'" and "ennui" whenever the opportunity presented itself. It made me feel so.....special. And I loved the blank looks I would get from the girls at the donut shop checkout. ;-) But then I realized that I was becoming hardhearted, detached, supercilious, dismissive...even, dare I say it...vain!

I fear that the same thing could happen to Amos. I wouldn't want that to happen to a good fellow like him. Therefore I keep encouraging him to avoid the heady temptations that come treading stealthily neath the cloak of higher learning, just waiting to turn the unwary aspirant into an upperclass twit of the most intolerable sort!

After all, that sort of thing got people beheaded in the French Revolution, you know, and shot in the Russian one! We must eschew the temptation to indulge in obscure and tendentious verbiage. It leads to terrible things in the end.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 09:15 PM

I understood every word Amos inscribed herein. Perhaps that is due to my profundity, or my apprehensability, or my continuous cultivation and self-disciplining in the quest for the Eternal Whatever. But again I might simply read too much and have way too much education, knowledge, and yes, wisdom for understanding by mere mortals.

But Amos is correct, and I for one would rather be among the 1% than among the 99% who do not have what it takes to climb to the top of the tree. Of course, the 99% (which includes Chonga) will never know the difference any more than a fish apprehends the water in which it lives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 07:52 PM

Could you for once talk without spicing up the text with over-inflated hyperbolic bloviation of the most extreme sort, mon frer? Yes, I can understand it. I've spent a lifetime studying examples of oratorical excess. But think of the demoralizing effect it may have on others who haven't! For God's sake, man, have pity on them!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 07:08 PM

Highfalutin furbelows not withstanding, the screeds of inane puerile narcissism being generated from the over-heated brain pan of one of our Canadian friends and filtered though the fictitious identity of a talking bow-legged flea-bitten poopflinging simian with pretensions of grandiosity are --however infantile--always good for a condescending grin from homo sapiens sapiens, the guys one notch up the development tree. Its hard tobelieve we share over 99 per cent of our genome with such almost-beens. But thanks for the grin, anyway. Go poof! and I'll catch you back in the Dream Time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 03:17 PM

There has been some confusion lately about the exact wording of the Hail Chongo, a traditional prayer uttered by humans who are showing contrition for their sins of specism and their exclusionary thinking and behaviour, as well as for their sins in a more general sense.

According to the New International version of the Book of Kong, translated from its original Mangani, these are the words, in English:

Hail Chongo, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst primates, and blessed is the fruit of thy table, as well as the whiskey in thy cupboard and the cigars in thy desk drawer. May thine ammo never run out. O Chongo, foremost among gumshoes, pray for us wretched sinners, now and at the hour of our death, whether it be by the knife, the fist, the gun, the noose or the bottle. Amen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 01:00 PM

Notice how I made ya say it wrong again, Rap? I do that to embarrass you. I find it amusin' to get the world thinkin' you are a deeply prejudiced man who wallows in specist slurs, instead of lettin' 'em see that you actually love and respect all apes and monkeys and wish you was more like them. Why do I do this? Well, I am helpin' you pay off yer sins, see? You done a lotta bad things in this life and in some of yer previous lives, and I am gonna help you pay it all off and start off again with a clean slate, by embarrassin' the hell out of you in various ways, ways accomplished through my Divine Will.

I might make you take off all yer clothes and run around in the downtown of Pocatello yellin' "I'm a little scrunchy! I'm a little scrunchy!" until the cops arrest you and haul you away to the funny farm.

Or I might not. Haven't yet quite decided about that one.

Note how the completely fictional being known as "Amos" at least has the honesty to admit that he don't live in my world. He got that right. Amos is a pallid mental construct, see? He has no real corporeal existence in any world, but he does caper around in a sorta hypothetical dream-like dimension that is just a step removed from Bedlam on one side and Woody Allen's rapid-eye movement phases on the other. Woody has been seein' his shrink for some time about that, cos he don't like California much. He wants the Amos character in his dreams to relocate to Manhattan. I could make this happen, but I ain't ready to. I enjoy lissenin' to Woody kvetch and whine and carry on about it while he is layin' on the psychiatric couch.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 12 - 11:05 AM

Hail Chonga, full of grease.
Much shit was in thee.
Cursed art thou by the zoo visitors
Because thou art a poop-flinger.

Jesus and Mary, Mother of God!
Pray for that sinner
now and at the hour the Northside Gorillas find him or her.
Amen.

There, is that better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 11:41 PM

Chongo, the world in which you exist is one in which I do not wish to cast a shadow. I am content to sip real single-malt and talk to real people.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 10:39 PM

That was only one.

And I made ya say it wrong. I also made ya disappear for several seconds right before I posted this. Didn't notice, didja?

Of course not! How would you be able to notice when you wasn't there to notice? ;-D Ook! Ook!

See, this is the thing. You ain't actually been around for about half the time in the past 6 months cos I just disappear you whenever the whim hits me, but you never even noticed, cos as soon as I bring ya back, everything seems "normal". I mean normal in yer terms....which is like abnormal in most people's terms.

For all you know, you might not be there tomorrow, but then you'll be back the day after. It's all up to me. Nobody else notices either, cos I control all of it, see?

There. How do ya like gettin' yer own line back? Hmm? Sounds familiar, don't it?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 09:17 PM

Hail Chonga
Full of crap
Lots of crap is in thee
And crappy are you among chimpanzees.
Holey Chonga
Put "paid" by the gorillas
That was the hour of your death
Amen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 09:13 PM

I suspect Chongo and ilk will vanish if Little Hawk ever hooks up with Winona.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 08:09 PM

Fat chance, Rap. You got things turned right around backwards. I didn't think of YOU in the context of this here thread between 2:39 and 7:24 today, and where was you? Hmm? I don't see a word from you on this thread durin' those approximate 5 hours, and ya know why? Coz I willed you right out of existence by not thinkin' about you. Yer very existence depends on MY will. I letcha back in at 7:25.

Now get down on yer knees and say 50 "Hail Chongo"s...or I'll do it again. For a longer period of time.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 07:25 PM

Chonga, sweetheart, baby -- if I stop thinking of YOU you'll vanish with even a whimper. Your existence will be as if you never were, less than a whiff of cigar smoke in a tornado. You exist only because I will it to be so -- and Amos, too. In fact, EVERYTHING exists because I wish it so, even myself. I brought myself and everything else into existence because I willed it.

Perhaps I'll stop thinking about it long enough that your trigger finger will disappear. Will that convince you that I'm telling it to you straight?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 07:01 PM

Well, Amos, here I am on a not too bad evenin' in my office, goin' over my files. I have a half full glass of whiskey in fronta me. I got a good life, lotsa friends, a great gal, and a flourishin' career. I got the respect of my peers and the plaudits of my community. Too bad you don't get to share in any of this, but you made yer choice. Yer choice is to deny my existence. Fine. Too bad for you, Roscoe, cos you just stepped right outta my world and into the dark limbo of yer own denial. You are no one, mister. Got that? No one. Nadie'. You don't even cast a shadow. You leave no genetic traces behind. Yer nothin' in my world.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 04:18 PM

WOW - I just read, in another thread, that 999 (aka Peace, Bruce, etc.) actually LOADED THE ENTIRE MOAB to test Max's new cloud computing virtual machine. Perhaps in a few months when he finishes reading it he'll post a comment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 02:39 PM

Well, just so you know, Amos' old playmate, Donatien Alphonse François, died on this date back in 1814.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 12:46 PM

We need a Tardis - I'd like to invite Mark Twain (ol' Sam) to dinner, and have George Carlin and Douglas Adams join us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 09:38 AM

No, I wasn't talking to you, "Chongo". The reason I am not is in my previous post. The reason you don't see no-one else around but yourself is because you are a purely postulated form, an artifice whose sole claim to existence is that someone imagined you. As such, there is no "there" there in which to see others, because the entire loop of your perception is non-operational. It is pretended into being whole cloth. If someone were to appear "there" it would shatter the very premises of existing for you. You'd probably pop like a soap bubble. See?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 09:06 AM

I just finished sayin' it to Rap. Now I'm gonna say it to you.

You talkin' to ME?

If yer not talkin' to ME, then who are ya talkin' to? I don't see anyone else around here. You must be talkin' to me. And if you aren't talkin' to me, then why should I pay any attention to what you say? Answer me that, Roscoe.

Ya know what I think? I don't think anybody pays much attention to what you say...except yerself, see? You are basically just talkin' to yerself. You got this little love match goin' with yerself, and that's all you got. If they took yer keyboard away, you'd curl up in a little ball on the floor and start cryin'.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 12 - 02:32 AM

Actually, no, he's not. The general consensus amongst humans is that it is not actually feasible to send communications to an imaginary character, no matter how vehemently he is imagined to be asserting him/her/itself. The belief that one is doing so is generally perceived to be delusory. Therefore, R. was not talking to Chongo, QED. There may of course, be some dimwitted puppetmaster trying to induce such delusions by generatying signals and sending them through the nebulous shallow phantasm he calls Chongo, but that is a different question altogether.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 11:53 PM

You talkin' to ME?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 10:06 PM

That's what you say, Chonga. Don't deny your XX chromosomes. Just be a lady, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 08:46 PM

If I was a monkey, Rap, I guess I'd be real upset about that statement you quoted from "Sam", but I'm not.

Amos, you are a 3rd rate imitation of a real man. I ain't gonna explain to you what a real man is, cos I know it wouldn't do no good if I did. It would be like tryin' to teach a pig how to use ice skates. Hopeless. And who is this "Chonga" you are tryin' to insult? I don't know anyone with that name.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 08:37 PM

I think Sam would say Chonga reasons like a second-rate imitation of a human.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 05:40 PM

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
                                    --Ol' Sam


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Dec 12 - 12:06 AM

That guy Mark Twain sounds like a man I would have got along with just fine. He reasons just like a smart Chimp.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 07:18 PM

Sounds like as plan, Mark. (Rap)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 07:04 PM

Ah, LH, take heed:

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him."
                                  --Ol' Sam


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 03:52 PM

Good lord! It is fortunate that Mr Twain is not alive today and still engaging in this sort of diabolical literary criticism, this veritable drawing, quartering, and incineration of his hapless inferiors in the literary arts!

Imagine, for instance, what he might say about Amos's writings! Or mine! We would either be found hanging wretchedly by an improvised noose in our respective closets...or Mr Twain would be found lying dead in an alleyway, having been beaten savagely to death with a blunt instrument by persons unknown...if not unsuspected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 02:09 PM

And if you don't have time for all of that, have a good chuckle by reading Twain's Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 11:38 AM

What a perfect prescription for total happiness and fulfillment, dude! I'm gonna do it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 12 - 10:08 AM

gnu, here's how to forget your tragic loss:

Go out and celebrate the birth of Sam Clemens, the greatest writer North America ever produced, on November 30, 1835.

Yes, today is Sam's 177th birthday!!! Drink! Fool around with loose women! Pilot a riverboat! Join the CSA! Write great novels! Go broke! Become friends with a former US President! Live in Italy, Austria, England, France! Smoke a cigar! Celebrate Sam's life, dude!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Nov 12 - 10:37 PM

Did someone say
Romeo & Juliet?

That song is pure sobbing to me. It was radio playing when I lost my true love because I had to fulfill family duties. Every time I hear it, I weep uncontrollably... thirty years hence.

But, better to have loved and lost than to never have known true love at all, they say. Still, it pisses me off tho, eh? Ya know what I mean, eh? I can just imagine how LH feels about that Winononotlikely chick, right? Poor guy.


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