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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Chongo Chimp 23 Oct 12 - 09:48 PM
Acme 23 Oct 12 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 23 Oct 12 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 23 Oct 12 - 03:43 PM
Rapparee 23 Oct 12 - 03:36 PM
Amos 23 Oct 12 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 23 Oct 12 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 12 - 11:09 PM
Acme 22 Oct 12 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 12 - 06:27 PM
Amos 22 Oct 12 - 05:14 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Oct 12 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 12 - 01:48 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Oct 12 - 11:39 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 12 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 12 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 12 - 11:56 PM
Amos 21 Oct 12 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 12 - 04:10 PM
gnu 21 Oct 12 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 12 - 12:34 PM
Amos 21 Oct 12 - 11:37 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 12 - 10:34 AM
Amos 21 Oct 12 - 08:09 AM
Amos 20 Oct 12 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 12 - 08:04 PM
Amos 20 Oct 12 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 12 - 04:19 PM
Acme 20 Oct 12 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 12 - 10:07 AM
gnu 20 Oct 12 - 08:22 AM
Amos 19 Oct 12 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 12 - 10:34 PM
MMario 19 Oct 12 - 11:33 AM
Little Hawk 19 Oct 12 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 12 - 10:11 AM
Acme 19 Oct 12 - 12:49 AM
Amos 19 Oct 12 - 12:31 AM
Rapparee 18 Oct 12 - 11:15 PM
Little Hawk 18 Oct 12 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 12 - 09:55 PM
gnu 18 Oct 12 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 12 - 02:32 PM
Amos 18 Oct 12 - 11:25 AM
Acme 18 Oct 12 - 12:36 AM
Acme 17 Oct 12 - 06:09 PM
Amos 17 Oct 12 - 05:05 PM
gnu 17 Oct 12 - 05:02 PM
gnu 17 Oct 12 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 12 - 09:35 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 09:48 PM

Me too. A drink would be the perfect thing right now.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 08:35 PM

I'll have one also. It has been that kind of day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 06:35 PM

Hot doggies! I git ta shoot Chonga, iffen s/he'll meet me like the man s/he ain't, six-guns on hips, at High Noon outside the Bourbon Barrel Saloon. But I reckon s/he'll try ta back-shoot me instead. S/he ain't real big on a fair showdown.

Meanwhile me 'n' Amos are gonna go have drink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 03:43 PM

"Yeah, so what if NOBODY draws first? Then what? You gonna stand there all day sayin' "DRAW!" at each other till the sun goes down and it gets too dark to shoot?"

That's what Chongo said. He thinks you guys are blowhards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 03:36 PM

Why you low-down, dry-gulchin', back-shootin', horse-stealin', sarsaparilla-drinkin', sheep-farmin', Apple lover! I live by the Code of the West and the Cowboy Code: you gotta draw first!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 10:22 AM

Awright, Rapparree, You double-dealing fork-tongued sidewinder, ya done slurred my name to the wimminfolk, and I ain't a-gonna stand fer it! You claim to be pretty good witht hose Crayolas, boy. So DRAW.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 10:19 AM

Never dig yer well near the outhouse
Never dig yer well near the outhouse
It's against the Cowboy Code
And the water'd choke a toad
Never dig yer well near the outhouse.

CHORUS (a rousing one)

Always try to take a bath once a year
Always try to take a bath once a year
Cuz that's the Cowboy Code
And git yer top hair mowed
Always try to take a bath once a year.

(ad lib CHORUS)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 11:09 PM

Ma'am, it don't pay ta turn yer back when Amos is dealin'. He'll deal off the bottom of a deck that's frozen solid while he's usin' a shiner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 09:40 PM

OMG

Look away for just a minute and see what happens. They cycle through both atrocious food puns AND the cowboy code.

I'll sum it up: Don't squat on your spurs while you're cooking your coneys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 06:27 PM

The Cowboy Code
A Song by Ol' Rapparee

Don't shoot nobody in the back
Don't shoot nobody in the back
It's agin the Cowboy Code
And they'll lynch ya down the road
Don'tcha shoot nobody in the back.

Never take yer whiskey any way but neat
Never take yer whiskey any way but neat
It's agin the Cowboy Code
And they'll think ya are a toad
Don'tcha take yer whiskey any way but neat.

Respect wimmen folks all the time
Respect wimmen folks all the time
Cuz that's the Cowboy Code
Tho' yer thing burns from the load
Respect wimmen folks all the time.

CHORUS: Yippy-ti-yi-yo fal-la-la hey derry down.

...I'm still working on the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 05:14 PM

I am SO sharing the Cowboy rules on Facebook, dood! They are, like, AWESOME and kewl.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 02:12 PM

Wow! Sounds like a flippin' ;paradice, Rap! I gotta see if I can find bus money...and one of them forged passports.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 01:48 PM

Yup, Shame. "All gurgle and no guts."

Look, why don't you come and visit? I'll get you all the beer you can drink, and there are some places in these mountains where are Certain Herb is grown. Lots of the ladies out here would look kindly upon you, too, because they're lonely (if you take my meaning). I can't tell you who they are, but four or five really hardrock headbangers have homes near town -- they like the mountains here, probably because of the Herb I mentioned. Like I said, I can't tell you who they are, but one of them has a first name like that thing a wheel goes around on and his last name is a kind of flower; I could get you into a jammin' session at his place if you'd like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 11:39 AM

Oh yeah? Well, here is...

The, like, Code Of The East, eh?

Always try to find out stuff abowt a a person's passed. You might need it so, like, you can enbarrass them and get some advanatagge over them.

Steal another man's horse, bike, car, whatever...if he ain't watchin'. He shoulda been watchin', right?

Defend yourself whenever necessary. This I agree with!

Look out for your own. You bet yer flippin' life!

Remove your pants before sittin' on hte john.

Never order anything weaker than beer.

Don't make a threat without first preparin' a esxcape root.

Never pass anyone on the trail without saying "Flip off, loozer!".

When approachin' someone from behind, try to put a paper sine on his back that says "Kick my ass!" or just do it yerself.

Don't wave at a cop. They get suspishious real easy, eh?

After you pass a cop, don't look back at him. It implies you don't trust him....which is pretty flippin' obveous, eh?

Ridin' another man's bike or snowmobbile without his permission is almost as normle as havin' sex with his wife, but do NOT ever try it with another man's moose.

Always fill yer beer glass so it foams over just a bit.

A real man don't talk much; he saves his breath for breathin' and for tokin' up.

No matter how weary and hungry you are after a long day bummin' smokes, always try a move on the waitress who is havin' a smoke break behind the Tim's donuts. You never know when she might say "yes".

Cuss all you want, but not in court, eh? They don't like it for some reason.

Complain about the cookin' and you will get even more food.

Always drink your beer with your free hand, jerk off with the other one.

Do not jerk off after handlin' hot peppers, cayen pepper, and other stuff like that.

A real man don't give a FLIP! He complains a lot, cos the skweeky wheel gets the greese, eh?

Avoid unnnecssary danger. Cowards live way longer than heroes do.

A real man always helps someone, even a stranger or an enemy, if there is a way of gettin' some free beer from them in return.

Never use another man's rubber!

Be hospitable to chicks. Any female who wanders in, includin' even a total absolloot skank, is welcome at the dinner table, in the front hall, the backyard, the bedroom, on the roof, the basement floor...basically anywheres.

NEVER give your enemy a fightin' chance! Hit him when he ain't lookin'.

Never wake another man by shakin' or touchin' him, as he might reelize you are robbin' his stash.

Real men boast constantly, eh? The one who can brag the longest, the loudest, and the best will probly get a date with one of the waiterresses at the Iron Horse after work.

And there ya have it! The Code of the East.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 10:58 AM

The Code Of The West

Don't inquire into a person's past. Take the measure of a man for what he is today.

Never steal another man's horse. A horse thief pays with his life.

Defend yourself whenever necessary.

Look out for your own.

Remove your guns before sitting at the dining table.

Never order anything weaker than whiskey.

Don't make a threat without expecting dire consequences.

Never pass anyone on the trail without saying "Howdy".

When approaching someone from behind, give a loud greeting before you get within shooting range.

Don't wave at a man on a horse, as it might spook the horse. A nod is the proper greeting.

After you pass someone on the trail, don't look back at him. It implies you don't trust him.

Riding another man's horse without his permission is nearly as bad as making love to his wife. Never even bother another man's horse.

Always fill your whiskey glass to the brim.

A cowboy doesn't talk much; he saves his breath for breathing.

No matter how weary and hungry you are after a long day in the saddle, always tend to your horse's needs before your own, and get your horse some feed before you eat.

Cuss all you want, but only around men, horses and cows.

Complain about the cooking and you become the cook.

Always drink your whiskey with your gun hand, to show your friendly intentions.

Do not practice ingratitude.

A cowboy is pleasant even when out of sorts. Complaining is what quitters do, and cowboys hate quitters.

Always be courageous. Cowards aren't tolerated in any outfit worth its salt.

A cowboy always helps someone in need, even a stranger or an enemy.

Never try on another man's hat.

Be hospitable to strangers. Anyone who wanders in, including an enemy, is welcome at the dinner table. The same was true for riders who joined cowboys on the range.

Give your enemy a fighting chance.

Mever wake another man by shaking or touching him, as he might wake suddenly and shoot you.

Real cowboys are modest. A braggert who is "all gurgle and no guts" is not tolerated.

        





    Be there for a friend when he needs you.

    Drinking on duty is grounds for instant dismissal and blacklisting.

    A cowboy is loyal to his "brand," to his friends, and those he rides with.

    Never shoot an unarmed or unwarned enemy. This was also known as "the rattlesnake code": always warn before you strike. However, if a man was being stalked, this could be ignored.

    Never shoot a woman no matter what.

    Consideration for others is central to the code, such as: Don't stir up dust around the chuckwagon, don't wake up the wrong man for herd duty, etc.

    Respect the land and the environment by not smoking in hazardous fire areas, disfiguring rocks, trees, or other natural areas.

    Honesty is absolute - your word is your bond, a handshake is more binding than a contract.

    Live by the Golden Rule


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 12 - 10:55 AM

Here are The Rules:

Riders' Rules by Roy Rogers

    Be neat and clean.
    Be courteous and polite.
    Always obey your parents.
    Protect the weak and help them.
    Be brave but never take chances.
    Study hard and learn all you can.
    Be kind to animals and take care of them.
    Eat all your food and never waste any.
    Love God and go to Sunday school regularly.
    Always respect our flag and our country.

Gene Autry's Cowboy Code

1. The Cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair advantage.
2. He must never go back on his word, or a trust confided in him.
3. He must always tell the truth.
4. He must be gentle with children, the elderly, and animals.
5. He must not advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
6. He must help people in distress.
7. He must be a good worker.
8. He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action, and personal habits.
9. He must respect women, parents, and his nation's laws.
10. The Cowboy is a patriot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 11:56 PM

Hey, I'm a strait shooter, a member of both the Gene Autry and Roy Rogers clubs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 11:43 PM

What baloney! R. is trying to assert his chops, but the real story is vached-ly different. I am afraid the gateau happiness is too strait for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 04:10 PM

Tell it to Amos. He started it. He put the fat in the fire, for lard's sake! I kidney you not! Mullet over and you'll sea! He'll deny it, but he's sung that tuna over for a whale of a long time and to no porpoise. He's the kid who will bleat about it, mutton about Tuesday he'll have forgotten.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 01:27 PM

Scallops are on sale for $6.99 a pound here. Frozen, yes, but they are soooo tastey. I fry em in marg with a little canola oil and they melt in yer mouth. Not all 12 pounds... I shall bake, I shall chowder, I shall pâté all night long.

What? Just as good as some of yours so don't carp about it fer cod's sake!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 12:34 PM

I can hardly stomach any more of this. I just don't hoof the guts, I guess, for bone a good punster. As my mother used to say when we were out fishing, "Roast to shore, we're not going to catch enough to make patella no matter how you strain your mussels." And my grandmother would say, "I'm afraid you're right, Oyster. We'd better take it on the lamb before the game warden butters in."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 11:37 AM

I know beating on meat is a specialty of yours, sir, but you seem to have outflanked yourself. You should be fed to the loins for giving tongue to such lambent legginess. Hoof to, and lower your burger! You are all overdone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 10:34 AM

Amos, I think that it would be meat to drive a steak through the heart of the poetry puns. While they were not the wurst I could do (and I thought some were real wieners), I don't want to hear you beef about it. I'll pork myself here in this chair and de-liver some other tripe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 12 - 08:09 AM

Folly folly folly folly
Deck us all with hawsers jolly
Bring us a complaisant filly!
Fond of fondue is our Billy!
In the incandescent candle
Can't you see the cowboy handle?
Hiding in the Woods of Bolly,
Folly folly folly folly!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 10:46 PM

Oh. my God! Someone has created a monster!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 08:04 PM

Shelley read some poetry? Or I could write some and get my Wordsworth. Ah, yes, that would be a Marvellous thing to do! I'll start as soon as I finish my Ferlinghetti and meatballs! I'll Parker in my easy chair and put my thoughts in Blake and Wright until I'm Dunne. (Okay, I Owen up to the puns, some of which are pretty Wilde, but I want to be Clare about what I'm to do.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 06:57 PM

Instead of sitting around an' Miltin' you should be doing something to Keats your spirits up. Find something to re-Joyce about before you get so Frosted you can't see straight, ya know whaddImeen?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 04:19 PM

Okay, how about this one? I wrote it this morning!

Mah woman done left me
And all I kin say is
Hence vain deluding Joys,
The brood of Folly without father bred,
How little you bested,
Or fill the fixed mind with all your toys;
Dwell in some idle brain,
And fancies fond with gaudy shapes possess,
As thick and numberless
As the gay motes that people the sunbeams,
Or likest hovering dreams,
The fickle pensioners of Morpheus' train.
But hail thou goddess, sage and holy,
Hail divinest Melancholy,
Whose saintly visage is too bright
To hit the sense of human sight;
And therefore to our weaker view,
O'er-laid with black, staid Wisdom's hue;
Black, but such as in esteem,
Prince Memnon's sister might beseem,
Or that starr'd Ethiop queen that strove
To set her beauty's praise above
The sea nymphs, and their powers offended.
Oh yeah!
Yet thou art higher far descended,
Thee bright-hair'd Vesta long of yore,
To solitary Saturn bore;
His daughter she (in Saturn's reign,
Such mixture was not held a stain)
Oft in glimmering bow'rs and glades
He met her, and in secret shades
Of woody Ida's inmost grove,
While yet there was no fear of Jove.
Come pensive nun, devout and pure,
Sober, stedfast, and demure,
All in a robe of darkest grain,
Flowing with majestic train,
And sable stole of cypress lawn,
Over thy decent shoulders drawn.
Come, but keep thy wonted state,
With ev'n step, and musing gait,
And looks commercing with the skies,
Thy rapt soul sitting in thine eyes:
There held in holy passion still,
Forget thyself to marble, till
With a sad leaden downward cast,
Thou fix them on the earth as fast.
I'll tell it, bro!
And join with thee calm Peace, and Quiet,
Spare Fast, that oft with gods doth diet,
And hears the Muses in a ring,
Aye round about Jove's altar sing.
Cuz my woman done left me.
And add to these retired Leisure,
That in trim gardens takes his pleasure;
But first, and chiefest, with thee bring
Him that yon soars on golden wing,
Guiding the fiery-wheeled throne,
The cherub Contemplation;
And the mute Silence hist along,
'Less Philomel will deign a song,
In her sweetest, saddest plight,
Smoothing the rugged brow of night,
While Cynthia checks her dragon yoke,
Gently o'er th' accustom'd oak.
Oh Cindy...oh Cindy....
Sweet bird that shunn'st the noise of folly,
Most musical, most melancholy!
Thee, chauntress, oft the woods among,
I woo to hear thy even-song;
And missing thee, I walk unseen
On the dry smooth-shaven green,
To behold the wand'ring Moon,
Riding near her highest noon,
Like one that had been led astray
Through the heav'ns wide pathless way;
And oft, as if her head she bow'd,
Stooping through a fleecy cloud.
Oft on a plat of rising ground,
I hear the far-off curfew sound,
Over some wide-water'd shore,
Swinging slow with sullen roar;
Or if the air will not permit,
Some still removed place will fit,
Where glowing embers through the room
Teach light to counterfeit a gloom,
Far from all resort of mirth,
Save the cricket on the hearth,
Or the bellman's drowsy charm,
To bless the doors from nightly harm.
Or let my lamp at midnight hour,
Be seen in some high lonely tow'r,
Where I may oft out-watch the Bear,
With thrice great Hermes, or unsphere
The spirit of Plato, to unfold
What worlds, or what vast regions hold
The immortal mind that hath forsook
Her mansion in this fleshly nook:
And of those dæmons that are found
In fire, air, flood, or under ground,
Whose power hath a true consent
With planet, or with element.
Yeah, oh yeah!
Sometime let gorgeous Tragedy
In sceptr'd pall come sweeping by,
Presenting Thebes', or Pelop's line,
Or the tale of Troy divine,
Or what (though rare) of later age,
Ennobled hath the buskin'd stage.
But, O sad Virgin, that thy power
Might raise Musæus from his bower,
Or bid the soul of Orpheus sing
Such notes as, warbled to the string,
Drew iron tears down Pluto's cheek,
And made Hell grant what love did seek.
Or call up him that left half told
The story of Cambuscan bold,
Of Camball, and of Algarsife,
And who had Canace to wife,
That own'd the virtuous ring and glass,
And of the wond'rous horse of brass,
On which the Tartar king did ride;
And if aught else, great bards beside,
In sage and solemn tunes have sung,
Of tourneys and of trophies hung,
Of forests, and enchantments drear,
Where more is meant than meets the ear.
Thus, Night, oft see me in thy pale career,
Till civil-suited Morn appear,
Not trick'd and frounc'd as she was wont,
With the Attic boy to hunt,
But kerchief'd in a comely cloud,
While rocking winds are piping loud,
Or usher'd with a shower still,
When the gust hath blown his fill,
Ending on the rustling leaves,
With minute-drops from off the eaves.
And when the Sun begins to fling
His flaring beams, me, goddess, bring
To arched walks of twilight groves,
And shadows brown that Sylvan loves,
Of pine, or monumental oak,
Where the rude axe with heaved stroke,
Was never heard the nymphs to daunt,
Or fright them from their hallow'd haunt.
There in close covert by some brook,
Where no profaner eye may look,
Hide me from Day's garish eye,
While the bee with honied thigh,
That at her flow'ry work doth sing,
And the waters murmuring
With such consort as they keep,
Entice the dewy-feather'd sleep;
And let some strange mysterious dream,
Wave at his wings, in airy stream
Of lively portraiture display'd,
Softly on my eye-lids laid.
And as I wake, sweet music breathe
Above, about, or underneath,
Sent by some spirit to mortals good,
Or th' unseen Genius of the wood.

Since my baby done left me,
But let my due feet never fail
To walk the studious cloister's pale,
And love the high embowed roof,
With antique pillars massy proof,
And storied windows richly dight,
Casting a dim religious light.
There let the pealing organ blow,
To the full-voic'd quire below,
In service high, and anthems clear,
As may with sweetness, through mine ear,
Dissolve me into ecstasies,
And bring all Heav'n before mine eyes.
And may at last my weary age
Find out the peaceful hermitage,
The hairy gown and mossy cell,
Where I may sit and rightly spell
Of every star that Heav'n doth shew,
And every herb that sips the dew;
Till old experience do attain
To something like prophetic strain.
These pleasures, Melancholy, give,
And I with thee will choose to live.
Cause my woman's gone gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 11:33 AM

Keats would not be amused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 10:07 AM

Okay, Amos. How's this? I wrote it last night. It's got scansion, it's got rhyme, it's got blues, who could ask for anything more?

No, no! go not to Lethe, neither twist        
Wolf's-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;        
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kist        
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;        
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,                 
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be        
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl        
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;        
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,        
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.        

Oh, yeah....

But when the melancholy fit shall fall        
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,        
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,        
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;        
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,        
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,        
Or on the wealth of globèd peonies;        
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,        
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,        
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.        

Mah woman's gone...

She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;        
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips        
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,        
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:        
Ay, in the very temple of Delight        
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine,        
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue        
Can burst Joy's grape against his palate fine;        
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,        
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.

Oh, yeah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 12 - 08:22 AM

Sorry to hear of your MiL, Rap.

Thanks SRS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 11:57 PM

Ah, Rapparree. You need to get into the blues better, man. For one thing, they are suposed to rhyme. Also, the issue of scansion needs closer thought. Some people have a natural sense of rhythm--that's where the blues was born. Others use Big Iron as a substitute.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 10:34 PM

Well Mom, I went out and fired about seventy-five rounds through that new shootin' iron of mine. Trigger's a tech, jist a tech, more sensitive than I like but I kin live with it. I'll jist keep mah finger offen the trigger til she's steady on target. That there's cheaper'n havin' a trigger job done by a gunsmith. And since she's a single action she ain't gonna fire until I pull the hammer back anyways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 11:33 AM

Forty six thousands; Two Hundred and ONE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 11:31 AM

That's a very moving lyric.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 10:11 AM

Well I woke up this mornin'
Had a well-balanced breakfast.
Yeah I woke up this mornin'
Had granola and tofu bacon
An organic banana and some multi-grain toast
'Cause a well-balanced breakfast
Starts yer day off right.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, yeah........

A glass of fresh squeezed orange juice
A couple of prunes
Yeah I work up this mornin'
Ate a couple of prunes
Gotta have fiber
Ta make that ol' colon work
'Cause a well-balanced breakfast
Starts yer day off right.

Now all you folks who eat food
Just you listen to me
Get yer fiber and grains
Get 'em organically
Get lots of aerobic exercise
So you won't die too soon
'Less yer hit by a train
Or die of a fecal impaction.
But a well-balanced breakfast
Will start yer day off right.

       --Myopic Strawberry Arthur, Well-Balanced Breakfast,
          2007 field recording from San Luis Obispo, California.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 12:49 AM

Mike and Pat, I'm sorry to hear about this sad occasion. I hope she had a good life and that when it comes time to reflect and share that you'll have a lot to talk about and will be able to share good memories and laughter with friends and family as you remember her.

Gnu, if you use a 1 pint bottle with water and a couple of teaspoons of orange oil (if you have it) or dish soap, that will kill aphids. Orange oil is stronger. If you have a couple of cloves of garlic and a jalapeno pepper that you can mash together, add a little water and let sit for a day, then pour that into the bottle with the soap, even better. Here are more directions you can choose from: http://www.dirtdoctor.com/Aphids_vq758.htm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 12 - 12:31 AM

IF it were in Chongo's hands you wouldn't be still waiting. You'd probably be calling out the posse about now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 11:15 PM

Oh, I'm still in Idaho. I'm just preparing for the call. The more I can get done beforehand the faster I can move when the time comes. When that will be I don't know -- could be five hours, could be five months. Just like the rest of us, she might not awaken tomorrow morning or she could outlive us. 'Tain't in my hands and I'm glad it's not.

Now, if it were Chonga or Shame that might be a different story....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 10:27 PM

I'm sorry to hear about that, Rap. The faithful few will hold the fort here until your return.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 09:55 PM

Dear Mom,

I haven't mentioned it before, but my MIL is dying. She has around the clock hospice care now and my wife, Pat, has been out in Silver Spring, MD since VERY early Monday morning. I'm preparing so that I can take off with 24 hours notice. When I have to go I'll get back in touch ASAP, but there might be a gap in the loving, caring messages I leave here. When she goes, by the way, she'll be buried with my FIL in Arlington -- her father and several other family members are there as well (you could say it's the old family buryin' ground).

Your favorite child,
Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 03:29 PM

SRS... got a mixture "ratio" for water and dish soap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 02:32 PM

...rambling around and tap dancing on bar tables....

If you left your clothes on, Mom could raise your allowance. As it is it all goes to your bail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 11:25 AM

Ever since my rambunctious rambling along the North Carolina, Virginia, DC, and Maryland wilderness, I have been settling back into a more quiet existence in the warm and sunny coastal lands of Southern California. The debate in which Mister Obama swept the floor with Mister Romney was actually an excitement. Obviously I am more cut out for rambling around and tap dancing on bar tables and such things. If I could just figure out a safer and more remunerative version ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 12 - 12:36 AM

Quiet evening around here. And no political debate to blame it on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Oct 12 - 06:09 PM

There are aphids on the plants because something is making them a little weak in the garden. They are opportunistic in that way. Make sure you're not over-watering. And if you want to rinse them off with a mix of dish soap in water, spray it on and it should kill them. Orange oil works, a couple of teaspoons per gallon (or it will kill the plants - full strength it is an herbicide).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 12 - 05:05 PM

The Lord be with you, and with thine aphids, good Gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Oct 12 - 05:02 PM

BTW... no shit, man. I know a spot where I can harvest Ladybugs. HUGE nests in rotten tree stumps. Now, these nests can pocket me at LEAST 5 large each. But, that would be wrong. Mum Nature is to be respected and never defiled in such manner. Otherwise, I coulda made about a quarter of a mil (yeah, no shit) harvesting Ruffed Grouse feathers during my decades hunting Bonasa Umbellus but I was taught you only kill to eat and all that remains must be returned to Mum Nature at the spot where you got it... that includes EVERYTHING... especially antlers because "trophies" are just not right.

And, a prayer is always said and thanks given.

But, I would like to have a few hundred Ladybugs in my house right now on accounta these plants are stunning and I don't wanna lose em... sniff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Oct 12 - 04:07 PM

APHIDS! SOB!!!! The trailing snapdragons are back outside. I am SO pissed off. I managed to grow three in a pot with transplants from the flower bed that I scattered with seeds from a purchased potted hanging basket a few years ago. They are stunning plants... beeeootiful! And, the aphids don't even eat them but I don't want my house full of aphids. Everytime I pet one it gets squished. And the little fuckers won't come when called er roll over er play dead or perform any tricks for my amusement.

BUT, I did harvest seeds and will continue to do so, until Old Man Winter smites them with cold, that I might embark on a trial of indoor planting of same this winter in fresh soil. If I was a young man, I would journey to a secret spot deep in the fly infested boreal forest of Kent County and harvest a hundred dozen Ladybugs and set them upon the dreaded aphids witin the confines of my abode. Alas, it is not to be so the plants are back outside. SNAP you Dragons so that you may procreate and adorn my humble nest with your rich colours and soothing beeooty.

SOB!!! PMO!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 12 - 09:35 AM

Wasn't he the one know as "Hot Lips" and "Flamebeard"?


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